Meryl Streep Has Some WORDS for Karl Lagerfeld Following Her Oscars Dress “Controversy”

With just days to go before the Oscars (they’re finally here — eeeee!), Chanel head designer and creative director Karl Lagerfeld dropped a bombshell about a red carpet regular that no one saw coming.

According to the fashion guru, Meryl Streep had ordered a gray Chanel gown for the event, but had asked the team to add a higher neckline to it. Once alterations had begun, Lagerfeld said he received a call from Streep’s team, who told him to stop production, as they had “found someone who will pay us.”

Chanel notoriously refuses to pay celebrities to wear its designs on the red carpet as a matter of policy, although they are free to keep the dresses that they wear. While Lagerfeld says he’s still willing to give Streep the gown (“She could keep the dress because of the size. It’s couture. It’s perfect for her”), he threw a dagger her way by telling Women’s Wear Daily, “A genius actress, but cheapness also, no?”

Once news of the story broke, with Streep’s team immediately denying the claims, Lagerfeld backtracked a bit (perhaps he saw her Golden Globes speech?), reaching out to the magazine to clarify his statements. “Chanel engaged in conversations with Ms. Streep’s stylist, on her request, to design a dress for her to wear to the Academy Awards,” he said. “After an informal conversation, I misunderstood that Ms. Streep may have chosen another designer due to remuneration, which Ms. Streep’s team has confirmed is not the case. I regret this controversy and wish Ms. Streep well with her 20th Academy Award nomination.”

Streep, however, is having none of it, issuing her own (epic) statement to E! News. “In reference to Mr. Lagerfeld’s ‘statement,’ there is no ‘controversy’: Karl Lagerfeld, a prominent designer, defamed me, my stylist, and the illustrious designer whose dress I chose to wear, in an important industry publication. That publication printed this defamation, unchecked. Subsequently, the story was picked up globally, and continues, globally, to overwhelm my appearance at the Oscars, on the occasion of my record-breaking 20th nomination, and to eclipse this honor in the eyes of the media, my colleagues, and the audience. I do not take this lightly, and Mr. Lagerfeld’s ‘generic’ statement of regret for this ‘controversy’ was not an apology. He lied, they printed the lie, and I am still waiting.”

Dang. Is is just us, or is anyone else having flashbacks to The Devil Wears Prada? (We won’t lie: We were TOTALLY rooting for a “That’s all” in closing!)

Here’s to hoping these two don’t bump into each other on the red carpet tonight, should Lagerfeld also attend — we certainly wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of that speech, should she get her big win!

Are you Team Karl or Team Meryl? Sound off over @BritandCo.

(h/t E! News, photos via Steve Granitz, Tristan Fewnings, + Jon Kopaloff/Getty)

Nothing unites Bravo viewers quite like a good feud (Scandoval, anyone?!), and fortunately for fans, no one can hold a grudge quite like a Real Housewife. From the East Coast to the West Coast, every Housewife series has an iconic feud (or five) that leaves fans forced to pick sides — and wanting more.

Here are some of the most notorious feuds in the Bravoverse, plus updates on where their relationships are today.

Danielle Staub and Margaret Josephs (RHONJ)

Images via Bravo

The two started off as friends during Season 8 of RHONJ (Margaret was even a bridesmaid in Danielle's wedding to Marty Caffrey!), but their friendship fell apart as the years passed. Things came to a head in Season 10 when Danielle pulled Margaret's hair, attempted to drag her to the ground, poured water on her head and dumped the contents of Margaret's purse into a $600 lit candle. It's safe to say things haven't improved much since then.

Brandi Glanville, Kyle Richards and Kim Richards (RHOBH)

Bravo (Bradi Glanville, Kyle Richards), Earl Gibson III / Stringer / Getty Images Entertainment (Kim Richards)

RHOBH game nights never end well, that's for sure. After calling Kyle a "b*tch" and implying that Kim was "wasted" (Kim has a history of struggling with her sobriety), Brandi found herself in the middle of the Richards sisters' wrath. Kyle eventually retaliated with dozens of petty comments, one of which mentioned Brandi's son, who during a party peed on the lawn. Obviously, Brandi wasn't happy that her child was a topic of conversation. Their retaliatory comments devolved into a slew of now-famous insults, with Kim referring to Brandi as "trailer park trash," Brandi responding with "at least I don't do crystal meth in the bathroom, and Kim calling Brandi "a sl*t pig." How lovely!

The women are actually friendly today, with Brandi telling Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live that she "loves Kim, Kyle and Kathy."

Margaret Josephs and Jennifer Aydin (RHONJ)

Images via Bravo

As fans can recall, Jennifer has never been Margaret's biggest fan. Things really kicked into high gear when Margaret revealed Jennifer's husband's (Bill Aydin) affair while she was nine months pregnant with her youngest son. No one outside of the couple knew about his indiscretion, leading to a domino effect that tore through Jennifer's family. Though they have (kind of) made up since the explosive news, it doesn't seem like a strong friendship is meant to be.

Kim Zolciak and NeNe Leakes (RHOA)

Images via Bravo

Ahhhh, cockroach-gate. How could we ever forget?! The incident started in 2017 after Kim's daughter Brielle alleged she found cockroaches in NeNe’s home. NeNe quickly slammed the 20-year-old Brielle over claims of “prejudice” after the mother-daughter visit, resurfacing an old video filmed by Brielle in NeNe’s bathroom, documenting what appeared to be large, black insects.

“@briellebiermann We don’t have roaches! If you found 1, u brought it with u or it fell outta yo funky p*ssy!” NeNe wrote on Instagram in a now-deleted post. “Go somewhere and let the air outta those fake lips, fake titties and fake a** because you will never be [@kyliejenner]. Yo trashy mama should have taught you better! My home is Brand New but you guys were so jealous of it, you couldn’t even give a compliment. You had to stoop so low and be so disgusting #racisttrash.”

That wasn't all, though. In the comments section of a separate Instagram account, NeNe called Kim a “calculating [bipolar] racist with a horrible mouth, who uses black folks for her come up.”

Kim quickly jumped to her daughter’s defense via Instagram and lawyered up. The two women are not friendly today.

Jen Shah and Meredith Marks (RHOSLC)

Images via Bravo

This is one feud that was not settled quietly. During an ice fishing excursion, Meredith gave it to the now-convicted felon straight, saying, “there are homophobic tweets regarding my son’s sexuality that you have ‘liked.’ It is really painful,” she began. “I was told about a Zoom that you hosted where you were questioning him coming out and his sexuality.” Meredith was rightfully infuriated over Jen's passive "attacks" on her 21-year-old son, Brooks. After several episodes of icy tension, Jen apologized to Brooks, and their friendship began to mend.

Larsa Pippen and Dr. Nicole Martin (RHOM)

Images via Bravo

Larsa clearly hasn't learned her lesson. When she stoops low, Nicole always goes higher. For whatever reason, Larsa decided to make Nicole her metaphorical "punching bag" throughout the most recent seasons, going as far as to call Nicole's young son a "bastard child" and say that Nicole doesn't have a job. To clarify, DOCTOR Nicole certainly has a job — a high ranking one. Nicole is a self-made anesthesiologist, a far cry from Larsa's income as a NBA divorcee and OnlyFans model (no shame in that, BTW). Their feud remains ongoing, with little resolution (and plenty of pettiness) in sight.

Brandi Glanville and Denise Richards (RHOBH)

Images via Bravo

Brandi is not one to stay in the shadows for long. In true Brandi-fashion, the former Housewife briefly returned in Season 10 to share some, uh, unexpected news. According to Brandi, she had an ongoing affair with the newly-married Denise Richards, a Housewife at the time, much to the surprise of literally everyone.

Brandi claimed that Denise was “sexually aggressive” toward her when they first met in 2018, leading to a passionate affair. Denise has adamantly denied all of Brandi's allegations of a past tryst, though it certainly hasn't stopped Brandi from sharing more details.

Porsha Williams and NeNe Leakes (RHOA)

Images via Bravo

This duo has had their fair share of ups and downs throughout the years. Their feud started in Season 8 when Porsha claimed NeNe physically grabbed her during the OG's infamous closet meltdown. None of their co-stars commented on the push, and Leakes denied the allegation, though it didn't stop her from retaliating. NeNe fired back at Porsha with a series of "angry, aggressive text messages" criticizing her weight just six days after Porsha gave birth to her first child. After Porsha shared the texts on Instagram, NeNe allegedly responded with a cease and desist.

But don't worry, they're BFFs today!

Lisa Rinna and Kim Richards (RHOBH)

Images via Bravo

Quite possibly the most iconic Housewives feud is that of Kim Richards and Lisa Rinna’s “Bunnygate.” The two were never quite friends, a fact that was cemented following Lisa’s questioning of Kim’s sobriety in Season 5. Lisa apologized during a dinner in Amsterdam — an apology that Kim did not accept. Rather, Kim implied she knew something about Lisa’s husband, Harry Hamlin, leading Lisa to throw her wine glass at Kim and utter the famous words, “don’t you ever go after my f*cking husband.”

Things between the two women escalated again in Season 7 after Lisa said that Kim is “close to dying,” which she adamantly denied throughout much of the season. Kim had other ideas, however, and infamously shut down the possibility of a friendship by returning the bunny Lisa bought for Kim’s grandson at the Season 7 reunion. During this encounter, Lisa shed a single tear.

To no one’s surprise, Lisa and Kim aren’t friends today, though they sort of agreed to put the past behind them.

Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga (RHONJ)

Images via Bravo

This sister showdown has dominated our screens since the very beginning. When Melissa joined her sister-in-law on Season 3 of RHONJ, fans quickly learned that the two women did not get along. Like at all. After an argument between Teresa and her brother, Joe Gorga (Melissa's husband), turned into a physical fight between Joe and Teresa’s husband at the time (coincidentally also named Joe), things never really reconciled. The tension continued after Melissa brought sprinkle cookies to Christmas, which was apparently deeply offensive to Teresa.

More recently, Teresa did not ask Melissa to be a bridesmaid in her wedding to Luis Ruelas (despite having Luis's sisters in the wedding), invite Melissa’s family to her wedding, and proceeded to spread rumors about Melissa cheating on Joe. In the aftermath, neither Melissa nor Joe attended Teresa's August 2022 wedding, and the families are at arm's length.

Lisa Vanderpump, Dorit Kemsley and Kyle Richards (RHOBH)

Images via Bravo

Puppygate saw the end of LVP on RHOBH, and we’re still not over it. In Season 9, Lisa claimed that Dorit returned a puppy she adopted from Lisa’s Vanderpump Dogs rescue to a kill shelter, forcing the other women to take sides in the disagreement.

Dorit claimed that the puppy bit her husband (who happened to be longtime friends with Lisa) and other family members, leading them to rehome the dog with an acquaintance, and that person must have brought it to a shelter, While Dorit eventually apologized to Lisa, their relationship was too far gone and the feud shifted towards whether Lisa leaked the story to the press. Kyle Richards, who was then Lisa’s BFF and friend to Dorit, took Dorit’s side, ultimately ending her decades-long friendship with Lisa in a blowout fight. “Goodbye, Kyle!”

Lisa quit the show before the reunion, denying that she spoke about the dog to the media. While Dorit and Kyle are besties today, neither are close to Lisa.

Vicki Gunvalson and Kelly Dodd (RHOC)

Images via Bravo

We can’t mention conflict without thinking of Vicki and Kelly. When Kelly joined the show for Season 11, she and Vicky became fast friends. It wasn’t long before that relationship turned sour, with Kelly calling Vicky, who owns an insurance company, a “con woman” who “preys on old people.” This comment turned into a lawsuit, with Vicki claiming “defamation, libel, trade libel, interference with actual and prospective economic business advantage, false light and injunctive relief.” Not surprisingly, the lawsuit was lived, as it took less than a month for Vicki to drop the charges so that she could attend the Season 13 reunion show. The reunion only led to more conflict (if you can even believe it) as the women accused one another of doing drugs.

Somehow, the pair made amends in 2021 following Vicki’s decision to leave the show in 2020 and Kelly’s dismissal.

Porsha Williams and Kenya Moore (RHOA)

Images via Bravo

Porsha and Kenya got off to a rocky start in Season 5 after Porsha referred to the former Miss USA as Miss America (Which is apparently offensive? We can't say.). The drama continued, with Kenya accusing Porsha of cheating on her ex-husband Kordell Stewart, both women accusing each other of being whores, Porsha pulling Kenya’s hair leading to a physical fight, Kenya demanding that Porsha be fired from the show, you know — typical friend behavior.

Not surprisingly, the two aren't friends today, with the Season 12 reunion ending with Porsha calling Kenya a “fake friend.”

Kim Richards, Kyle Richards and Kathy Hilton (RHOBH)

Images via Bravo

Bravo loves a family feud, and the Richards sister gave it their all. The lowest point in the sisters’ relationship came during the Season 1 finale of RHOBH after Kim, who was no longer sober, accused Kyle and her husband Mauricio Umansky of "stealing [her] goddamn house." While the sisters struggled to move past their infamous limo fight, their relationship remained rocky over the years. This led to a on-and-off-again relationship between Kyle and her other sister, Kathy Hilton, who seemed to side with Kim in many of the arguments.

After years of discourse, the sisters seem to be in a good place, with Kim and Kathy appearing on the show throughout the past two years. Kim and Kyle were even photographed filming a Season 13 scene together, which fans can expect to see this fall.

Bethenny Frankel and Jill Zarin (RHONY)

Images via Bravo

Bethenny is certainly forthright, occasionally rubbing her fellow Housewives the wrong way. Such is true following Season 2, where the former BFFs stopped speaking for months, supposedly because Jill felt Bethenny was getting more attention than her. The friends got into it throughout Season 3, after Bethenny accused Jill of being jealous of her success. Jill, meanwhile, slammed Bethenny for not being present as her late husband, Bobby Zarin, battled cancer.

www.youtube.com

Jill Zarin Comes To My House | Never Before Seen Footage!!

Today, the pair have seemingly “made up,” at least to some degree. After years of not speaking, Jill appeared on Bethenny’s podcast, “Just B with Bethenny Frankel.” “I was surprised, but I wasn’t gonna be impulsive,” Jill said of getting the request to appear on the podcast to Us Weekly. “Maybe because I’m medicated now and I wasn’t 13 years ago — in a good way. I have anxiety. I definitely had an anxiety disorder when you knew me, for sure.” Jill continued, saying that she was initially hesitant to say yes, but her daughter encouraged her to do it. “And that’s it,” Jill recalled. “That’s all it took.”

Vicki Gunvaalson and Gretchen Rossi (and Slade Smiley) (RHOC)

Images via Bravo

With a RHOC tenure of 13 years, Vicki was bound to enter conflict at one time or another. And she certainly did. While the friction between the two women was ongoing, it came to a head during an 80s theme party in Season 7. Gretchen’s BF at the time, Slade, made several comments about Vicki’s looks, leading to an intense shouting match between the pair.

The women aren’t friends today, but they don’t seem as at odds as they once were. On her podcast with RHOC stars Tamra Judge and Shannon Beader, Vicki commented on the conflict. "I have some issues with Gretchen Rossi. From when she was with Slade Smiley and she’s supporting a man that calls women animal names. So I wouldn’t be with a man like that and that’s what I told her. I wouldn’t be with a man like that." That’s that, I guess.

Dorit Kemsley and Camille Grammer (RHOBH)

Images via Bravo

The women of RHOBH are known for their feuds, but the one between Camille and (at the time) relative newbie Dorit tops the list. Despite a number of digs towards one another, things really escalated when Camille accused Dorit’s husband “PK” of being over a million dollars in debt, which launched a history of petty drama between the two. Dorit fired back on several occasions, at one point completely randomly (and somewhat hilariously) calling Camille a “stupid c*nt.” Why she said that at the time — nobody knows, but it certainly made for great TV.

Even today the women still make jabs at one another, with Camille shading Dorit regarding a possible RHOBH return just a month ago.

Porsha Williams and Kandi Burruss (RHOA)

Images via Bravo

After a make-out session during Season 9 of RHOA, Kandi claimed Porsha wanted to have sex with her. As a result, Porsha clapped back with a series of her own accusations, including alleging that Kandi's husband was unfaithful, the couple had a sex dungeon and that Kandi previously dated a woman (which isn't a bad thing, BTW). Porsha took it a step further, alleging that someone told her Kandi and Todd planned to drug her to take advantage of her, which Kandi adamantly denied. Somehow, the two women seem OK today, even co-starring in an MTV comedy, Pretty Stoned.

Teresa Giudice and Danielle Staub (RHONJ)

Images via Bravo

Teresa and Danielle's feud gifted RHONJ fans one of the most memorable moments in Housewives history: Teresa's infamous table flip. After the Season 1 cast discovered a book about Danielle's shady past, the women confronted her, with Teresa accusing Danielle of being a "prostitution whore, [who was] f*cking engaged nineteen times" and flipped the dinner table over. Their feud continued throughout Season 2, leading Teresa to get into Danielle's face (and subsequently push host Andy Cohen) after Danielle accused Teresa of not being there for her family.

Shockingly, the women are actually friends today — so friendly that Teresa served as the matron of honor in Danielle’s May 2018 wedding. “We speak more than once a day," Danielle told the DailyMail in May 2018. "We're legitimately friends, it was something that was worth salvaging and has turned into the relationship it should have always been."

Candiace Dillard and Monique Samuels (RHOP)

Images via Bravo

Despite starting off on good terms, Candiace and Monique’s relationship turned bitter. The duo engaged in a couple of physical or near-physical fights, which both women now regret.

“Anytime you get physical, that’s taking it to a whole other level. That’s real life,” Monique explained during an episode of Us Weekly‘s Getting Real with the Housewives podcast. “I took that [moment] very seriously, because I’ve not been in any physical altercation since I was in grade school. I’m 36 years old. I have three kids and a whole husband. So, I’m like, ‘This is insane.’ It allowed me to go on a journey of just looking at certain things from childhood or just trying to figure out what are my triggers."

Surprisingly, this isn't even half of the most famous Real Housewives fights, so bookmark this page for part three.

This post has been updated.

Header image courtesy of Bravo.

Design by Olivia Taylor.

I’ve triedtons of different food trends in my day. From dumping chili oil on ice cream to concocting my very own Sleepy Girl Mocktail, nothing I’ve eaten measures up to the sheer weirdness we saw go viral on social media this year (major side eye to Dua Lipa’s pickle Diet Coke).

These are the top 5 most ridiculous TikTok-viral food trends of 2024 that left us questioning whether they really should’ve gone viral in the first place.

@claudiaeatsgood chamoy pickles are so good😋😩❤️ @Bussin Snacks #chamoypickle#chamoy#chamoypicklekit#bussinsnacks#takis#fruitrollup#mukbang#asmr#asmrmukbang#chamoypicklemukbang#juicy#pickle#mexicancandy♬ original sound - Claudia💕

1. Chamoy Pickles

People couldn't quit it with the chamoy pickles (AKA chickles) this year. I never would've guessed that chamoy, a condiment made from dried fruits, chilies, sugar, and lime juice, would be slathered atop the sourest pickles money can buy.

But the food trend didn't stop at just chamoy – many snackers stuffed their pickles with everything from the likes of Hot Cheetos, Takis, and Fruit Roll-Ups. What?!

This insanely sour, tangy treat kickstarted what the internet's coined as the 'Red 40 Diet', which certainly cannot be medically advised.

If you care for your GI tract, this food trend is 100% worth skipping and leaving behind in 2024.

@dualipaofficial

What do we call her?

♬ original sound - Dua Lipa

2. Pickle + Jalapeño-Infused Diet Coke

Diet Coke, pickle juice, and jalapeño juice = all the ingredients needed to concoct Dua Lipa's controversial 2024 drink. She loves it, but I on the other hand, do not.

Now, don't get me wrong: I love a good unexpected flavor combo, but gulping down a simultaneous dose of both pickle juice and jalapeño juice was not tasty to me whatsoever.

This trend even sparked a slew of Sonic diners to start ordering their soft drinks with pickles – but as divisive as this trend can be ("Don’t knock it till you try it," TikToker Mississippi Memaw told Food and Wine), it's just flat out weird.

@logagm

New cucumber recipe 🚨

♬ original sound - Logan

3. Cucumber Salad

If you bought a mandolin slicer recently, you might as well admit you're a victim of the TikTok-viral cucumber salad trend that made its rounds this year.

"Sometimes you need to eat an entire cucumber," TikTok user @logagmsounds off in the intro of every single one of his cucumber salad videos. And thus, the food trend was born.

It felt like I couldn't go a day on TikTok without seeing at least 5 recipes for a damn cucumber salad. When it comes down to it, I can appreciate the novelty (and taste) of this trend, but not the oversaturation. I'm gonna eat an entire cucumber one day, and get so tired of it the next. New innovations in 2025, please!

@kylekruegerr Would you try these?😂 #foodreview#seagrapes#food#review#tastetest#weirdfood♬ original sound - Kyle Krueger

4. Sea Grapes

It was like people wanted to eat the weirdest, grossest things in 2024. I can't blame 'em, especially if it's for clicks and views. But this food trend in particular literally made me want to gag – and I was only watching people eat through a screen (any fellow ASMR fans out there?).

They don't look like they're supposed to be crunchy, but they are. Sea grapes grow from aquatic plants and are filled with essentially what is a "salty liquid." They burst in the mouth when you eat them (one TikToker called them 'edible Orbeez'). Yuck.

@julieta.asmr I figured it out!! Blooper at the end 🥴 #asmr#asmrcommunity#asmrtiktoks#asmrvideo#asmrsounds#asmreating#asmrfood#asmrfyp#asmrmukbang#mukbang#asmreatingsounds♬ original sound - Julieta ASMR 🍒

5. Exploding Candies

The final (and especially weird) food trend I propose we leave behind in 2024 is these dang exploding jelly candies. They also made their rounds on ASMR TikTok, and I truly cannot stand to watch a single video featuring them.

First off, they look so annoying to consume. The fruit-shaped jellies are contained in a thin layer of plastic that's meant to burst open when you sink your teeth into it, prompting you to slurp out the sweetness inside. But what irks me the most is the fact that many people trying them can't even break the seal.

I'd rather watch someone make a simple PB&J than go to town on these microplastic-infused candies.

Subscribe to our newsletter to read up on more food news + trends!

In late 2017, scores of sexual abuse charges against USA Gymnastics team doctor, Larry Nassar came to light and shook the sports world to its core. After Nassar was found guilty of 10 counts of criminal, first-degree sexual conduct in November 2017, some 150 female gymnasts testified at the disgraced physician’s January 2018 sentencing hearing; more than 300 women and girls — including Olympians Simone Biles, Aly Raisman, and Gabby Douglas — alleged that the US Olympic gymnastics team doctor had hurt them, too. Now, a new HBO documentary will tell their story.

At the Heart of Gold: Inside the USA Gymnastics Scandal will be out May 3 on HBO. The trailer, which runs well under two minutes, shows filmmaker Erin Lee Carr’s effort to frame the scandal from the perspective of its survivors. But it’s clear that Carr also intends to communicate how an achievement-oriented athletic institution overlooked the complaints of numerous young accusers in order to protect their beloved doctor — and, above all, to ensure the competitive gains of his young patients.

Select voiceovers of interviews and testimony with Nassar’s accusers reveal a glimpse at what to expect from the feature-length film. One woman says that Nassar had the gymnastics community “brainwashed.” Another that Nassar was her friend. One woman says that she thought, at the time, that the abuse she endured was a legitimate medical procedure.

“How much is a little girl worth?” asks a voiceover clip from Nassar’s sentencing hearing. Though the trailer does not indicate the name behind the question, many who followed the doctor’s sentencing hearing will know to attribute the quote to Rachael Denhollander, the former gymnast-turned-lawyer who brought the Nassar case to light in the first place.

“Look around the courtroom,” Denhollander’s voice continues, as clips of young gymnasts poignantly play out parallel bars routines and close-ups of hands billowing chalk dust. “Remember what you have witnessed … because everything is what these survivors are worth.”

RELATED: Simone Biles Just Made History in a Leotard for Sexual Abuse Survivors

(Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)

First loves are TOUGH — especially when you start to see all the red flags you missed along the way once it's over. If you've been dissecting your own early love stories by reading Reddit threads or chatting with your girlfriends about their own relationship experiences, just know this: you're not alone! The entire Brit + Co staff even found ourselves discussing the first person we ever fell in love with...and the recounts did not disappoint. From realizing 19 seemed to be a common age for our all-time worst relationships to understanding how our first love was probably not as ideal as we originally thought, it made us wonder why we couldn't pinpoint red flags back then.

Licensed Psychotherapist Prerna Menon, founder of Boundless, LCSW-PLLC and Licensed marriage and family therapist Joseph Cavins, LMFT have a few thoughts that have helped us decode the precarious time in our lives.

Here's why some of us ignored how awful our first love might've been

1. We thought our first love was perfect and would argue with anyone who wanted us to take things slow with them.

Savannah Dematteo

I'll never forget the first time I fell in love at 19. I thought my ex was the "wind beneath my wings" because he had a great sense of humor and was creative like me. I told myself he was the person I was going to marry so I was offended when my parents didn't think he was mature enough to be in a serious relationship. If this sounds familiar, pull up a chair because Menon explains why we tend to idealize our first love.

"Your first love is your first experience with romantic love too, hence you typically see it with rose-colored glasses. The overwhelming emotion is often infatuation, which tends to overshadow the more critical and analytical part of our brain," she says. Sadly, this sounds like something my parents told me before but I couldn't fathom how true it was as a teen.

As the Clinical Director at Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center, Cavins has seen this play out before too. He says, "In your first relationship, there is a tendency to put your partner on a pedestal. The excitement of new love can create a powerful emotional fog that makes it hard to see flaws clearly."

Essentially, this "excitement of having a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner supersedes" our ability to questions things we normally wouldn't put up with, according to Menon.

2. We tried to ignore the how many times our first loves disagreed with our values or goals.

Keira Burton

While some couples are able to make their relationship work despite having a different outlook on life, sometimes it can be a sign that things aren't going to work long-term. Cavins says, "One major red flag is disregarding differences in values or goals for the future. For instance, you wish to become a parent someday while your spouse swears this will never happen— or vice versa. Early on, you might dismiss these differences, believing love will conquer all. However, these mismatched priorities can lead to resentment and challenges over time."

Honestly, I probably should've ran whenever my ex would mock my belief in God only for us to have to attend his mother and stepfather's church whenever I visited. There was so much confusion there, but I tried to dismiss it as something he needed time to work out.

Menon adds, "If this relationship makes you feel like you'e standing in quick sand - where you are trying to move forward but often feel held back in your individual aspirations, it may not be the right fit for you."

3. We thought it was 'cute' when our first loves made suggestions about which friends to avoid or what clothes to wear.

Luis Zambrano

Cavins says, "Excessively possessive behaviors are another red flag that people often ignore easily when they fall in love for the first time. People tend to justify such behaviors by citing that it's due to love or protective instincts." I'm all for being in a relationship where your partner's able to see different sides of a picture, but controlling behavior shouldn't come with that. What might that look like?

Cavins says, "Your partner may frequently check in on you, offer opinions on who you should spend time with, or subtly pressure you into making choices that suit them." For example, your partner could start off making suggestions about your style that slowly morph into them controlling everything you wear. Somehow I went from being a self-professed 'girly-girl' to trying to emulate the style of 'sneakerheads' in a short amount of time. Though I love wearing everything from New Balance to Niké sneakers now, it's in a way that feels cohesive with my style.

You may have brushed this kind of behavior off because, again, you thought it meant your first love wanted the best for you. "It is understandable that such behavior hypothetically may come off as pleasant or affirming; however, they often signal an unhealthy dynamic of control rather than mutual respect," says

4. We always gave in when our first loves forced us to be affectionate.

Adely

*Sigh* I'm shaking my head for my younger self because there were many times I didn't advocate for myself in my first romantic relationship. I'd often give in to affectionate or intimate moments despite wanting personal space so I wouldn't be seen as 'boring' or uninterested in my ex. Menon says, "Given the infatuation, your first relationship can feel all-consuming and often is codependent. Hence, this may result in you overlooking that your partner does not respect your boundaries or desire for personal space."

Partly because the excitement of the relationship makes you want to spend all of your time together, until you don't. And then, it is often too late to correct a maladaptive historical pattern.

4. We always made excuses for why our partners would shower us with affection only to ignore us days later.

Pavel Danilyuk

Let's be clear, 'love bombing' feels confusing and awful. No one should make you feel like you're the center of their universe only to ignore your calls or texts days later. But, this probably happened while you were with your first love. Cavins says, "There's a tendency for people to brush off their first love's emotional unavailability. When, for example, a partner is not responsive and not engaging in intimate discussions or does not express their feelings, some may rationalize this as them being 'just not ready.'" If that were the case, this person wouldn't have made you feel like being with you is something they truly wanted.

Of that, Cavins believes "it's important to recognize these behaviors early" because "they can result in a one-side emotional investment that leaves one party feeling unfulfilled in the long run." Sadly, my first love would have days where he was super sweet to me only to feel like I was smothering him with attention. This is also the same person who begged me to remain in our romantic relationship when he went to basic training although I felt it would be better if we chose to be friends. Imagine my surprise (and hurt) when he told me we should have an open relationship months after getting stationed for the first time.

I should've known better because he was never 100% on board with the idea of marriage until after he graduated from basic training. Cavins calls this "emotional disconnectedness." His further explanation is this is "when the initial chemistry between the partners subsides that emotional attachment matters." To avoid this, he feels "identifying and addressing any of these is critical in a case where you are looking to create a strong and healthy bond."

5. We ignored the ways our former partner blamed us whenever they got in trouble with their parents or an authority figure.

Ketut Subiyanto

Did your first love have a hard time taking responsibility for things that went wrong by gaslighting you to absorb the blow of their mistakes? If you've furiously nodding, we should start a support group. Cavins says, "A key sign is a lack of personal or relational growth. Healthy relationships encourage mutual development, but if one partner stays stuck in old patterns while the other grows, it can create frustration and distance."

At no point should you be the reason why your first love got in trouble after answering their parents' house phone late at night after telling you to call at a certain time. It's situations like this that should've alerted us to awful behavior, but I can see how easy it is to dismiss things.

What if I'm in love for the first time and recognize these signs?

Andrea Piacquadio

First, my heart goes out to you for being in a relationship that doesn't feel healthy. It hurts when we realize the person we thought was so great is anything but. The road to letting go of idealization may be long, but you can and will get better. Cavins says, "In the process of self-healing and recovery, the first step that must be taken is self-reflection. Ask yourself all of the necessary questions that arise, such as what this relationship means for you, what your boundaries are, and what this partnership has revealed about you as an individual."

I keep saying this, but relying on journal prompts can help you unpack a lot of things and, thankfully, Cavins agrees. He says, "You could always opt to talk to a specialist or being journaling in order to find some closure and draw meaning from the experience." Also, he wants you to start "making new memories." But, don't be passive about it.

"You will have to engage yourself in activities that will help redirect the focus of your thoughts. This could include joining a new class, engaging in a hobby, or traveling that involves some independence. These experiences can help shift your mindset from loss to growth and reinforce your identity outside of the relationship," says Cavins.

Another important thing you can do is "solicit help from others," according to him. "Calling on people you trust, like friends and family, to talk about these feelings can significantly help in healing," he says. This also helped me navigate life outside of my first real romantic relationship, reminding me that I still had a lot of love in my life that didn't begin or end with my ex.

Here are Menon's tips:

  • Let yourself grieve — Let this loss run its course. If you need to feel angry, sad, distraught, nostalgic. Allow yourself the full breadth of this experience. If I ask you right now "don't think a out a yellow monkey", I can bet you just thought of a yellow monkey. We call this "the imp of the mind". When you reject feelings, or thoughts, they come back 10 times more fiercely. To move the feeling along, we must let ourselves experience it.
  • Rediscover your identity (So important) — Your first love is often intertwined with self-discovery, and identity formation. Reconsider your goals, interests, values, friendships and hobbies and try to build your own sense of identity and individuality.

Anastasia Nagibina

I saw my first love again and it feels like we're falling in love all over. Can we have a happy and healthy relationship?

I'm not going to tell you to run even though I told my ex I never wanted to speak or talk to him again. You could easily reconnect with the first person you fell in love with and realize that you're both in a place where you can have something beautiful. However, Cavins and Menon want you to be mindful if you're in this position.

"Reconnection is possible," begins Menon, "if both parties can objectively claim that they have grown emotionally and resolved the issues that held their relationship back." But, "if the reconnection is built on one person growing and the other not, it is likely to fail," she alerts. You'll need to "proceed with caution," she says because "your first love was a nostalgic era in your life that can cloud your judgement." To put it more clearly, she doesn't want you confuse "the fuzzies" with a "true knowing that the two of you can make it work."

Cavins says, "Reconnecting with a first love can trigger a strong wave of emotions, but it is important that such a decision is made with caution and a strong sense of pragmatism. Personal growth is a primary factor. Each party in the relationship must ask themselves how they have grown and evolved as individuals over time. If past patterns of conflict, immaturity, or unhealthy dynamics remain unaddressed, the same issues could resurface."

He wants you to consider these things:

  • Are there any active relationships or past engagements that would make it rather difficult? That's because the feelings that come with reigniting old flames are very strong and can alter a person’s life, making it essential to start thinking from all angles before going ahead with it.
  • Address previous challenges that caused the breakup in the first place. If the reasons behind the breakup have been resolved or do not exist anymore, then yes, meeting again has its prospects. However, keep in mind that, at times, memories can be selective and unfavorably distort the truth by overplaying the good qualities while avoiding the negative ones.
  • Only rekindle things if both individuals are in a healthy emotional state and the decision is grounded in practical, mutual considerations—not just sentimentality or romanticized memories. Clear and honest discussions and an understanding of purpose are vital in ascertaining if rekindling the relationship will be worthwhile for both parties or if it will simply be an act of revisiting unresolved emotions.

Menon's final piece of advice is similar in that she encourages you to be "self-critical, self-aware, and self-nourishing." She doesn't want you to be afraid to be "clear and transparent about your expectations for the relationship" either. Though we weren't a fan of the outcomes of our first real romantic relationships, they've made us wiser. So, shout out to our first loves for being the worst because they've become our best learning lessons.

That's not all! We have even more helpful articles about relationships & family if you're looking for everything from celebrity couples to navigating hard conversations during the holidays.

No matter how many times I rewatch The Vampire Diaries, there's nothing like seeing a cast reunion — and the weekend of December 6, we finally got to see our three favorite Mystic Falls gals together again! Nina Dobrev, Kat Graham, and Candice King were just some of The Vampire Diaries cast members who reunited for Epic Con to chat all things Elena, Bonnie, and Caroline...but things took a turn in the middle of the interview when one of the backdrops almost fell on Nina!

Keep reading to see what happened during The Vampire Diaries cast reunion with Nina Dobrev, Kat Graham, and Candice King.

www.tiktok.com

Even after all these years, Bonnie and Caroline are still saving Elena #tvd #thevampirediaries #ninadobrev #candiceking #katgraham #elanagilbert #carolineforbes #bonniebennett #epiccons

As someone who's done plenty of interviews myself, I know how fast a situation can spiral — and this interview accident is crazy. While talking on stage about the show, one of the backdrops begins to lean forward, and right before it falls on top of Nina, Candice and Kat quickly move to push it in the opposite direction.

"I don't want to see any 'Bonnie saves the day' memes," Kat jokes, referencing the fandom's love for Bonnie consistently helping the group throughout the show's eight-season run. "I don't want to see it, I don't want to hear it!" You can also see a relieved Nina hug Candice before revealing she thought it was a spider!

www.instagram.com

In addition to this "Bonnie saves the day" moment (sorry, Kat, I couldn't help it!), the internet went crazy when Nina posted a video of her, Candice, and Kat recreating a photo they took during season 1 — especially after rumors have circulated for years that Kat Graham was mistreated on The Vampire Diaries set.

While these rumors have never been outright confirmed, fans have paid very special attention to what Kat has said...especially when she confirmedshe was the lowest-paid cast member and cried over her natural hair after revealing she wasn't really allowed to have an afro while filming.

"Love you girls so much!!!!!! 🥹❤️❤️❤️❤️" Kat commented on Nina's post, while a fan added, "And now the rumors can definitely be ended 🫶🏼❤️." These women are so powerful and clearly love each other so much, and I will take any and every cast reunion we can get!

youtube.com

- YouTube

When Brit + Co caught up with Ian Somerhalder, he also expressed how much he loved filming The Vampire Diaries. "Every single day it was a laugh," he says. "I mean we had to be serious, you're running from ghosts and vampires and stuff, and you know, someone makes a fart joke and a 130 people erupt in laughter, there's only so much you can run for your life."

And thank goodness, Ian confirms just how much fun the cast had! "We laughed, that's how we kept each other sane," he says. "I spent 8 years on the show and now it's [been] 15 years. It's my longest relationship."

"I cannot believe it's been 15 years," he continues. "And so everyone who's seen the show, watched the show, supported us — and me — in any way, shape, and form regarding the show, I thank you from the bottom of my heart."

What would your dream The Vampire Diaries reunion look like? Let us know on Facebook!