Michelle Obama Knows ‘Having It All’ Is a Lie, and We Need to Talk About Why

When Michelle Obama dropped an S-bomb during a promotional event for her new memoir, Becoming, it became a national news story. The otherwise preternaturally composed former First Lady was addressing a Brooklyn, New York audience on Saturday night when, reflecting on the challenges women face in balancing career success with family life, she remarked, “It’s not enough to ‘lean in.’ Because that shit doesn’t work all the time.”

PG-13 language aside (Obama quickly apologized), her dig at the coinage of currently embattled Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg didn’t go unnoticed — nor did Obama take it back.

The central argument of Sandberg’s 2013 memoir-cum-self-help manifesto, Lean In, is that women’s failure to professionally advance at the rate of their male colleagues is owed, in part, to a gender-informed hesitancy to self-advocate, or “lean in.” Sandberg urged women to do just that, instructing them to bullishly ascend corporate hierarchies in order to transform their workplaces into more equitable institutions, from the inside.

The argument has been widely panned for its downplaying of the systemic and institutional barriers to career success that are posed against women (and especially women of color and marginalized identities) in and outside the workplace. Yet, Sandberg’s call to arms was also cautiously embraced by a number of prominent progressive feminists, including Naomi Wolf and Jessica Valenti.

“The detractors underestimate how radical Sandberg’s messages are for a mainstream audience,” Valenti wrote in response to the mounting backlash that precipitated Lean In’s release. Valenti went on to praise Sandberg for arguing “that women should insist that their partners do an equal share of domestic work and child care.”

Whether there’s any merit in relitigating the half-decade-long debate that’s surrounded Sandberg’s mantra for professionally ambitious women is a matter of personal taste. But the sheer fact of the catchphrase’s cultural staying power is worth paying attention to, especially in light of the OTHER thing Michelle Obama said in her talk on Saturday: that “having it all” is impossible.

“That whole ‘so you can have it all’? Nope, not at the same time,” said the 54-year-old Harvard Law School graduate. “That’s a lie.”

Obama would know better than most. Daughters Sasha and Malia were, respectively, 7 and 10 when husband Barack campaigned for the US presidency — a move that, by sheer logistics alone, required Michelle to step down from her executive-level role at the University of Chicago Hospitals.

Michelle Obama’s relinquishment of her career path to take on the role of First Lady is just one example of the type of sacrifice many modern women may feel disinclined to make, on principle, in the quest to have it all — or, at least, do it all. We might reasonably ask ourselves why we should be the ones to forfeit career aspirations for the sake of the family unit.

But, in Michelle Obama’s case and many others, stepping back from her work seems like a logical concession, something that notions of “having it all” don’t leave room for. When women’s professional success is equated to female advancement at-large, individual women may feel like feminist letdowns for sidelining their careers.

The fact is that, for working parents, there are always compromises. Sure, Michelle Obama had to put aside her career when her husband decided to try for the presidency. But, in many cases, people with professional demands like those of the pre-2008 Obamas need to outsource a sizable share of child-minding and household duties to paid, outside staff. In order to advance in one arena of their lives (say, their careers), people sacrifice their availability to others (like time spent at home with family).

The flipside of corporate, careerist metrics of social advancement for women is — ironically — a further devaluing of the traditionally female domain of domestic labor. What incentive is there for men to pull their weight at home — or, heck, for anyone to hang with the kids but paid staff — when it’s seen as so lowly to do just that?

Yes, women’s rise in the workplace has blown open doors. But the conflation of women’s professional success with the gender’s liberation at-large has made the important work of childrearing and household management something of an afterthought — before we even make the case that men have a duty to participate. It effectively means that the emotionally intensive work of child care and household management is treated as insubstantial gruntwork, relegated to (usually female) low-wage workers.

An idea of “having it all” that relies on a thriving work and family life, compromise-free, contributes to a less equitable society, and not the other way around. The sooner we get real about this, the sooner we’ll be able to get past petty debates about which way to lean.

(Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Fans of Fourth Wing are on pins and needles because Rebecca Yarros just announced she's finished writing the third book in the Empyrean series! It's us, we're fans — along with over half of BookTok.

We can't believe we're getting closer to reading more about Violet Sorrengail's journey, but we know you have a ton of burning questions about the release date for Book No. 3.

We may not have all the answers, but we've done a little digging to share as much as we can because who doesn't want to know what Rebecca Yarros has been up to?

I'm new to the Empyrean series. Are "Fourth Wing" and "Iron Flame" really worth reading?

Amazon

I'm not going to lie to you. The editorial team, including myself, are extremely biased about Fourth Wingand Iron Flame. From my perspective, I think these are great books for anyone who had the pleasure of growing up during the great Harry Potter era and moved on to watchingGame of Thrones and House of Dragons.

Did she announce the name of book no. 3?

Rebecca Yarros/Instagram

YES! Book No. 3 is titled Oynx Storm.

Knowing what we do about the manifestation of Violet's powers, I think this could hint she's going to play an even larger role in the series. According to a fan theory shared on TikTok(via Empyrean Riders), it's believed that Violet and Xaden Riorson are actually gods. Stay with me here.

Empyrean Riders noted that Violet's last name means heavenly and that she's able to control time thanks to her connection to the young dragon Andarna (I love her so much!). That sounds pretty god-like to me.

And when asked which two Taylor Swift songs describe Onyx Storm, Rebecca Yarros chose "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?" from The Tortured Poets Department and "So It Goes..." from Reputation. "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?" is one of Taylor's most powerful songs and definitely translates the idea that Violet's powers are going to be stronger than ever, while "So It Goes..." is equal parts suspense and seduction, and is TOTALLY about "all the pieces fall right into place" to get together with the right person.

There's so much more to unpack so I suggest grabbing a yummy snack while you fall down the rabbit hole. All I'm sure of is that Onyx Storm is going to leave our emotions in shambles just like Fourth Wing and Iron Flame did.

When did Rebecca Yarros announce she's done writing book no. 3 in the series?

Rebecca Yarros/Instagram

On June 17, Rebecca Yarros shared this image of her laptop to indicate she'd finished the third book in the Empyrean series.

She wrote, "(Pic from one of the very many locations in which this book was written)," towards the end of the caption before adding a few relevant hashtags to it.

When will Onxy Storm be available for purchase?

Rebecca Yarros/Instagram

Rebecca Yarros exclusively told Good Morning America that fans can expect the book to hit shelves January 21, 2025! That gives us a little over six months to prepare our emotions for what's sure to be a storm of a book.

She said, "There will be politics, new adventures, old enemies and of course, dragons." There's no way she could forget the dragons because I'd willingly riot over them. They deserve to have their stories told forever.

As luck would have it, Cosmopolitan received an exciting first look at what's to come in Onyx Storm. The excerpt begins with Violet realizing the Venin have found their way into Basgiath War College and are wreaking havoc. Alongside Rhiannon, Sawyer, and Ridoc, she races to stop the Venin from releasing Jack Barlowe from his prison cell.

However, Violet's shocked when she discovered one of the "dark wielders" has a long silver braid that closely resembles her own. Before she can fully react, the woman disappears. According to Screen Rant, there are possible theories about why Violet saw her and what this means for her growing power.

Towards the end of the excerpt, Violet discovers the Venin want to capture her too. Also, Xaden makes his long-awaited appearance and it's clear their playful banter in the face of danger hasn't changed. That he hasn't fully changed into the Venin Violet's used to seeing.

I officially can't wait to read the rest of the book in January!

Has Rebecca Yarros revealed the cover for Onyx Storm?

Today/Bree Archer, Elizabeth Turner Stokes for Entangled Publishing

Onyx Storm

Yes!

TODAY received an exclusive look at the cover for Onyx Storm and it doesn't disappoint! Unlike its predecessors, it appears Rebecca Yarros is hinting that darker events will take place.

Fans of the Empyrean series aren't the only ones who are excited to see what fate has in store for our favorite characters though. In a statement to TODAY, Rebecca revealed how elated she is to be working on the series again. "It's amazing to be back with these characters again. She also said, ""I can't wait for readers to see what Violet, Xaden, and the rest of the quadrant have in store for them in Onyx Storm!"

Are you excited for the release of Onyx Storm? Follow us on Facebook for more entertainment news!

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

This post has been updated.

Kate Winslet is THE Hollywood actress to me. Not only has she starred in box office smashes like Titanic and Avatar: Way of Water, but she's proven her acting chops in breakout indie flicks and provided mothers and daughters everywhere with eternal Christmas movie nights thanks to The Holiday. But the actress' consistently viral kindness, her dedication to embracing her natural beauty, and her sophistication don't mean she always feels confident. Kate Winslet just spilled on the one movie from her career that had her "sh—ing" herself, and I just had to dive in.

Here's what Kate Winslet had to say about her scariest movie experience ever.

  • Kate Winslet made a name for herself with Titanic, Sense & Sensibility, and The Holiday.
  • However those movies aren't the film she wants fans to ask about!
  • The actress spills on the movies she's proud of, and the one job that had her "sh—ing myself."

Talking to Vanity Fair for her newest film Lee, Kate Winslet revealed one project she wishes fans asked about more is Iris. The 2001 film stars Kate as a young Iris Murdoch against Judi Dench's older counterpart. And for Kate, nothing was more terrifying than working with such a wonderful actress.

"People don’t really ask me about Iris. It’s such a delicate film," she says. "It was the first thing I had done after having my daughter. Going to work with a baby, I’m playing Iris Murdoch, looking to Judi Dench’s older Iris Murdoch — I was sh—ting myself."

Considering how nervous I get when I meet my heroes, I can only imagine what it was like to meet Dame Judi Dench. Talk about a dream! Another film Kate loves is Revolutionary Road, and not just because she got to reunite with Leonardo DiCaprio.

"The thing that people say is, 'You got to work with Leo again.' Then they go off on the whole Leo tangent, which I totally understand," she says of the film, which follows an ambitious couple who find themselves trapped in the reality of 1950s suburbia. "But Revolutionary Road — f—king hell, it just knocked us all sideways. Unbelievably difficult material. I was very proud of that film and what Leo and I were able to create as Frank and April. It was so brutal."

The process for getting Lee into the world sounds equally brutal, considering Kate started working on it over a decade ago. As producer, Kate tells Vanity Fair she doesn't mind the fact she's done more for the film than if she only had an acting credit. "That has felt very necessary for this film. But it’s also just really important to me," she says. "It’s important to me that people know that it’s out there and might feel compelled to go and see it."

Because it turns out, commercial success or stardom on its own doesn't actually help your movie get made! "It doesn’t matter who you are," she says. "No one’s going to go, 'Oh, I’ll just back that pony because she was in Titanic.' It doesn’t happen that way, and I never expected that. That’s really important to say."

"I've gotten older and I’ve learned more and felt more confident in myself about whether or not I could actually do it," she adds. "It’s not something I would’ve done had I not felt so passionately about the subject, and Lee was just—she wouldn’t let me go."

Let us know your favorite Kate Winslet movies in the comments, and since we've officially entered cozy season, check out Why The Holiday Movie Ending Is The Most Important Scene while you're at it!

Marvel movies are known for their heroes and their hopeful outlook on the world. But in 2025, we're getting a brand new team: the Thunderbolts. This team is made up of antiheroes and former villains, and it's sure to be the wackiest and strangest, as well as one of the most memorable, superhero movies we've seen in recent years.

Keep reading for the latest news on Thunderbolts* before it hits theaters in 2025.

Marvel Studios/YouTube

Thunderbolts* comes out this May, and the cast just showed off some brand new footage at the D23 convention — and thanks to the new 'Celebrating 85 Years' spot, we have the first look too!

We get a look at Bucky Barnes, The Red Guardian, John Walker, and Ghost. Plus, Yelena Belova, of course. This heartbreaking detail about Yelena's new look connects Florence Pugh's Yelena to Scarlett Johansson's Natashaand I'm WEEPING.

Marvel Studios/Walt Disney Studios

And at D23 Brazil, we got a brand new look at my new favorite team. "There’s something in this film, in terms of superpowers and superheroes, that shows that our superpowers lie in how ‘broken’ we are," David Harbour said at the event. "As if our superpowers came from our relationships.”

What is the plot of Thunderbolts?

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Disney

Thunderbolts* Plot

Consider Thunderbolts* to be The Avengers' edgy younger sibling. The movie follows Yelena Belova (who we know off the bat is a "depressed assassin" thanks to a Marvel Studios press release). She's joined by Bucky Barnes, The Red Guardian, and John Walker. Based on a leak, it looks like we'll see this group of misfits team up against Valentina Allegra de Fontaine after she sends them on a deadly mission.

Thunderbolts* Release Date

Jesse Grant/Disney

Thunderbolts* Release Date

Thunderbolts* hits theaters May 2, 2025.

Who's on the Thunderbolts team?

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Disney

Thunderbolts* Cast

Thunderbolts* stars Florence Pugh, Geraldine Viswanathan, Lewis Pullman, Hannah John-Kamen, Wyatt Russell, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Sebastian Stan, and David Harbour.

This is a huge cast, and Viswanathan just revealed how crazy the first day of filming was. “My first day didn’t feel real," she tells Vanity Fair. "I felt this extra pressure of, ‘Know your lines, babe. You can’t really play around like you usually do.’"

Historically, sci-fi fans haven't been kind to actresses in their favorite projects (remember when Star Wars fans bullied Kelly Marie Tran off social media?). But Viswanathan is already thinking ahead. “If it’s overwhelming, I’ll log off. But I like discourse around pop culture,” she says. “[Thunderbolts*] felt a little bit edgier and fresher, more existential and dark.”

Jesse Grant/Disney

The rest of the cast also enjoyed working together. “Everyone is going to f—kin’ love me! It’s really, really, really fun to be with a group of actors that you have a good time with," Wyatt Russell says at Comic Con (via Variety), while David Harbour adds, “Florence Pugh [is] just electric to work with. There’s warmth and humor, but there’s also a lot of pathos.”

“This is why we can't stop laughing together, because we genuinely just had such a wonderful time with each other and we've loved working with one another," Pugh tells People. “I feel like this is something that we've never seen before from Marvel...it's a very open and honest and truthful idea. And I'm just really excited for people to watch it.”

Are you excited for this brand new chapter in the MCU? I really feel like Thunderbolts* will usher in a whole new generation of fans and I, for one, CANNOT WAIT! Let us know your thoughts on Facebook.

Lead images via Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Disney

This post has been updated.