Michelle Obama Knows ‘Having It All’ Is a Lie, and We Need to Talk About Why

Dec 04, 2018

When Michelle Obama dropped an S-bomb during a promotional event for her new memoir, Becoming, it became a national news story. The otherwise preternaturally composed former First Lady was addressing a Brooklyn, New York audience on Saturday night when, reflecting on the challenges women face in balancing career success with family life, she remarked, “It’s not enough to ‘lean in.’ Because that shit doesn’t work all the time.”

PG-13 language aside (Obama quickly apologized), her dig at the coinage of currently embattled Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg didn’t go unnoticed — nor did Obama take it back.

The central argument of Sandberg’s 2013 memoir-cum-self-help manifesto, Lean In, is that women’s failure to professionally advance at the rate of their male colleagues is owed, in part, to a gender-informed hesitancy to self-advocate, or “lean in.” Sandberg urged women to do just that, instructing them to bullishly ascend corporate hierarchies in order to transform their workplaces into more equitable institutions, from the inside.

The argument has been widely panned for its downplaying of the systemic and institutional barriers to career success that are posed against women (and especially women of color and marginalized identities) in and outside the workplace. Yet, Sandberg’s call to arms was also cautiously embraced by a number of prominent progressive feminists, including Naomi Wolf and Jessica Valenti.

“The detractors underestimate how radical Sandberg’s messages are for a mainstream audience,” Valenti wrote in response to the mounting backlash that precipitated Lean In’s release. Valenti went on to praise Sandberg for arguing “that women should insist that their partners do an equal share of domestic work and child care.”

Whether there’s any merit in relitigating the half-decade-long debate that’s surrounded Sandberg’s mantra for professionally ambitious women is a matter of personal taste. But the sheer fact of the catchphrase’s cultural staying power is worth paying attention to, especially in light of the OTHER thing Michelle Obama said in her talk on Saturday: that “having it all” is impossible.

“That whole ‘so you can have it all’? Nope, not at the same time,” said the 54-year-old Harvard Law School graduate. “That’s a lie.”

Obama would know better than most. Daughters Sasha and Malia were, respectively, 7 and 10 when husband Barack campaigned for the US presidency — a move that, by sheer logistics alone, required Michelle to step down from her executive-level role at the University of Chicago Hospitals.

Michelle Obama’s relinquishment of her career path to take on the role of First Lady is just one example of the type of sacrifice many modern women may feel disinclined to make, on principle, in the quest to have it all — or, at least, do it all. We might reasonably ask ourselves why we should be the ones to forfeit career aspirations for the sake of the family unit.

But, in Michelle Obama’s case and many others, stepping back from her work seems like a logical concession, something that notions of “having it all” don’t leave room for. When women’s professional success is equated to female advancement at-large, individual women may feel like feminist letdowns for sidelining their careers.

The fact is that, for working parents, there are always compromises. Sure, Michelle Obama had to put aside her career when her husband decided to try for the presidency. But, in many cases, people with professional demands like those of the pre-2008 Obamas need to outsource a sizable share of child-minding and household duties to paid, outside staff. In order to advance in one arena of their lives (say, their careers), people sacrifice their availability to others (like time spent at home with family).

The flipside of corporate, careerist metrics of social advancement for women is — ironically — a further devaluing of the traditionally female domain of domestic labor. What incentive is there for men to pull their weight at home — or, heck, for anyone to hang with the kids but paid staff — when it’s seen as so lowly to do just that?

Yes, women’s rise in the workplace has blown open doors. But the conflation of women’s professional success with the gender’s liberation at-large has made the important work of childrearing and household management something of an afterthought — before we even make the case that men have a duty to participate. It effectively means that the emotionally intensive work of child care and household management is treated as insubstantial gruntwork, relegated to (usually female) low-wage workers.

An idea of “having it all” that relies on a thriving work and family life, compromise-free, contributes to a less equitable society, and not the other way around. The sooner we get real about this, the sooner we’ll be able to get past petty debates about which way to lean.

(Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

55 Easy Make-Ahead Thanksgiving Appetizers That Satisfy The Whole Table

Whether you're celebrating Thanksgiving with your family or having a cozy dinner for two, you want some time to sit back and relax on Turkey Day – even to enjoy some fun holiday games and activities while you wait for the turkey to brown. Make the day way easier by whipping up any of these easy make-aheadThanksgivingappetizer recipes and give yourself an actual Thanksgiving break.

Brit + Co

Bread Cornucopia and Cheese

Nothing says Thanksgiving like a cornucopia, so a bread cornucopia is the perfect appetizer centerpiece for your pre-feast party. (via Brit + Co)

Half Baked Harvest

Make-Ahead Mashed Potatoes

Mashed potatoes are a classic Thanksgiving appetizer. With this recipe, you can prep a creamy, buttery batch ahead of the big day and have it ready to go when your guests gather together. (via Half Baked Harvest for Brit + Co)

Brit + Co

Mac + Cheese Donuts

Not every appetizer has to be high rent. Whether you're prepping for Friendsgiving or an Turkey Day with your closest family, these delicious edibles will be a crowd pleaser. (via Brit + Co)

The Cafe Sucre Farine

Rosemary Pecan Goat Cheese Truffles

These babies are actually pretty darn classy, and they showcase all the flavors of the spectrum. There's rosemary for herb lovers, pecan to add some nuttiness, and even Sriracha for a bit of heat. Pro tip: Serve with a basic crispy wafer so as not to detract from the spread. (via The Cafe Sucre Farine)

Nerds With Knives

Crostini With Bleu Cheese and Roasted Grapes

This recipe takes almost no time to make. Slice up some blue cheese and add grapes to your favorite baguette. (via Nerds With Knives)

Little Spice Jar

Gruyere, Mushroom, and Caramelized Onion Bites

Add Gruyere, mushrooms, and caramelized onions to puffed pastry for a simple and delicious appetizer. And the best part is, you can make this up to 48 hours ahead of time, giving you plenty of wiggle room for your Turkey Day prep. (via Little Spice Jar)

Better Homes & Gardens

Cran-Sage Rolls

Not only is there nothing wrong with using frozen dough once in a while, but it's actually kind of a perfect Thanksgiving treat. These rolls are flavored with cranberries and sage for an elegant holiday version of trust crescent rolls. (via Better Homes & Gardens)

Hello Little Home

Ranch Pumpkin Seeds

These pumpkin seeds are both salty and tangy, plus you get a nice crunch from baking them for a bit. (via Hello Little Home)

I Will Not Eat Oysters

Kabocha and Havarti Pockets

Prepare these hearty pockets a few days before Thanksgiving, stick them in the fridge, and bake on the day of. (via I Will Not Eat Oysters)

Real Housemoms

Onion, Cranberry, and Pecan Cheese Ball

Cheese balls are a classic appetizer. Add onion, cranberries, and pecans to make yours next-level. (via Real Housemoms)

Well Plated

Cranberry Baked Brie Puff Pastry Bites

Brie can get super messy. Make bites instead and pop some cranberry in them to Thanksgiving-ify. Serve with fresh cranberries or — our personal favorite — sweet cranberry sauce. (via Well Plated)

How Sweet Eats

Pomegranate Jeweled White Cheddar, Toasted Almond, and Crispy Sage Cheeseball

This big bundle of flavor is so cheesy. It's coated in pomegranate seeds, which makes it super festive and sweet. (via How Sweet Eats)

The Suburban Soapbox

Tomato Jam and Cheddar Palmiers

TBH the thought of tomato jam is a little scary. But, once you try this recipe, you and your fam will be totally hooked. Add a little cheddar to make these extra flavorful. (via The Suburban Soapbox)

Recipe Rebel

Cranberry Bacon Jam Crostini

These tiny crostinis take the idea of bruschetta and turn it on its head. Instead of light, summery toppings, you'll be treated to festive cranberries, savory bacon, and gooey cheese. (via Recipe Rebel)

Home Is Where the Boat Is

Cha-Cha Chicken Salad

There's an unexpected sweetness to this chicken salad, and it comes from pineapples and cranberries. Top with a fresh sprig of rosemary. (via Home Is Where the Boat Is)

Chew Out Loud

Pumpkin Bacon Dip

Nothing says Thanksgiving more than pumpkin-flavored everything, and that doesn't stop at chips and dip. Top this dip with bacon and green onions for extra flavor. (via Chew Out Loud)

Gimme Some Oven

5-Ingredient Caprese Phyllo Cups

Caprese is one of those crowd-pleasing dishes that you really can't go wrong with. Drizzle these with pesto or balsamic vinaigrette for extra flavor, but wait to do that part until you're ready to serve — otherwise they may get soggy. (via Gimme Some Oven)

Deliciously Sprinkled

Pumpkin Dip

When it comes to dips, what could be more Thanksgiving-y than a concoction made with pumpkin? Serve with crackers, apples, or lightly sweetened cookies to tide your guests over until the big meal. (via Deliciously Sprinkled)

Food & Wine

Prosciutto-Fontina Pinwheels

Thinly sliced prosciutto, Fontina cheese, and puff pastry are just about all you need to make these pinwheels. The best part is that they totally make you into the best ever Turkey Day hostess. (via Food & Wine)

The Suburban Soapbox

Sweet and Spicy Sausage Stuffed Mushrooms

Go for a not-so-traditional Thanksgiving food and cook up a batch of stuffed mushrooms. The sweet and spicy flavors of this app will make it go fast. (via The Suburban Soapbox)

Pip and Ebby

Antipasto Skewers

Assemble these skewers a day ahead of schedule. Put them on a tray and cover tightly with plastic wrap, then refrigerate until ready to serve. (via Pip and Ebby)

Amy in the Kitchen

Garlic Butter Tuscan Shrimp Dip

Dip toast points, pita chips, and breadsticks into this indulgent dip, which you can make a day before Thanksgiving and pop in the oven to warm up when you're ready to eat. We won't judge if you decide to toss the leftovers with some warm pasta and call it a meal. (via Amy in the Kitchen)

My Gorgeous Recipes

Quick Chicken Liver Pâté

Go old school this Thanksgiving, serving chicken liver pâté and toast points as an appetizer. The pâté will keep for a few days in the fridge; just let it sit for 20 minutes at room temperature before you dig in. (via My Gorgeous Recipes)

Tara's Multicultural Table

Bavarian Cheese and Beer Spread

A robust cheese spread, made with beer, is an appropriately hearty start to your Thanksgiving feast. (via Tara's Multicultural Table)

Savory Tooth

Bacon-Wrapped Brussels Sprouts

We all have that family member who claims they don't like Brussels sprouts. Change their mind with these bacon-wrapped versions, which you can make ahead and heat in the oven just before serving (though they're delish at room temperature too). (via Savory Tooth)

The Home Cook's Kitchen

Mushroom Goat Cheese Bruschetta

Earthy mushrooms and tangy goat cheese create a balanced bite with this bruschetta recipe. Make sure your bread is extra toasty, so you can prep it without worrying about it getting soggy. (via The Home Cook's Kitchen)

No Spoon Necessary

Roasted Sweet Potato Harissa Hummus

Ditch the candied sweet potatoes and serve up this creamy hummus instead. It'll keep for at least a couple of days in the fridge, freeing up time for you to work on the rest of your seasonal cooking. (via No Spoon Necessary)

Sweet Peas and Saffron

Lasagna Stuffed Portobello Mushrooms

Make these stuffed mushrooms, freeze them, then pop 'em into the oven on Thanksgiving. Just try to resist eating so many you lose your appetite before the big meal. (via Sweet Peas and Saffron)

Spicy Southern Kitchen

Spicy Marinated Cheese

The cheese is marinated in a mixture of oil, vinegar, and spices, and gets better if you make it a day or two in advance. (via Spicy Southern Kitchen)

Lisa's Dinnertime Dish

Italian Sausage and Bean Bruschetta

Loaded with Italian sausage and white beans, this take on bruschetta is hearty enough for colder weather. Warm it up slightly before serving with toasted baguette slices. (via Lisa's Dinnertime Dish)

Cathy's Gluten Free

Sweet Potato Salad with Bacon

A little sweet, a little salty, this paleo salad is a satisfying but healthy starter. Top it with toasted pecans to add some crunch to each bite. (via Cathy's Gluten Free)

Garlic & Zest

Prosciutto and Date Palmiers

Flaky, cheesy, and sweet, palmiers will definitely stimulate your tastebuds. (via Garlic & Zest)

Food Meanderings

Caesar Twice-Baked Potatoes

Mini potatoes seasoned with Caesar dressing are twice-baked for this recipe. You can assemble them ahead of time, then bake them for the second time right before they're served! (via Food Meanderings)

Half Baked Harvest

Baked French Onion Meatballs

Talk about yum. Beef up your classic French onion soup recipe with a few meatballs to add a hearty touch, and top them off with a bit of gruyere. Trust us: your guests are going to thank you. (via Half Baked Harvest)

Barley & Sage

Goat Cheese Risotto with Cherry Tomato Confit

This easy-peasy recipe is actually pretty darn classy and showcases all the flavors on the spectrum. There's basil for herb lovers, plump cherry tomatoes for a burst of flavor, and a mix-in of goat cheese for an elevated flavor. (via Barley & Sage)

Whole and Heavenly Oven

Caprese Bruschetta with Basil Pesto

This recipe takes almost no time to make. Slice up some mozzarellaslices, tomatoes, and drizzle some vinaigrette and pesto to your favorite baguette. (via Whole and Heavenly Oven)

Where is My Spoon?

Puff Pastry Nibbles

Add sliced tomatoes, pesto (store-bought or homemade!), and sprinkle on some hard cheese to puff pastry pieces for a simple and delicious Thanksgiving appetizer. And the best part is, you can make this up to 48 hours ahead of time, giving you plenty of wiggle room for your Turkey Day prep. (via Where is My Spoon?)

Two Peas & Their Pod

Stuffed Mushrooms

We get it: either you love mushrooms or you hate them with a passion, but this recipe is bound to convert any hater. These mushrooms are jam-packed with parmesan cheese and panko breadcrumbs for a delectable Thanksgiving finger food. (via Two Peas & Their Pod)

Culinary Hill

2-Ingredient Italian Sausage Rolls

These 2-ingredient rolls are sure to please both the kids and adults tables this year. Make them ahead of time, then easily heat them back up once Thanksgiving Day rolls around. (via Culinary Hill)

A Spicy Perspective

Bacon Kalamata Cheese Puffs

For those who don't already know, kalamata is a type of olive… which makes these appetizers perfect for your vegetarian guests. Prepare these pockets a few days before Thanksgiving, stick them in the fridge, and bake the day of. (via A Spicy Perspective)

The Fast Recipe

Spicy Cajun Deviled Eggs

What *doesn't* sound good about these deviled eggs? Cajun seasoning and hot sauce give these otherwise totally traditionalfinger foods a savory, rich layer of flavor. (via The Fast Recipe)

The Bossy Kitchen

Cheese Straws with Feta and Poppy Seeds

To make these cheese straws, twist together some feta and a homemade dough, then bake. These taste ahh-mazing all on their own, but you can get creative with the toppings if you're feeling frisky. (via The Bossy Kitchen)

Takes Two Eggs

Korean Cream Cheese Garlic Bread

Cheese bread is a classic appetizer. The cream cheese and honey butter in this recipe takes this to the next level. (via Takes Two Eggs)

Half Baked Harvest

Mini Pastry Wrapped Cranberry Baked Brie Bites

Brie can get super messy. Make some tiny bites instead, and pop some cranberry in them to Thanksgiving-ify. Serve with fresh cranberries or — our personal favorite — sweet cranberry sauce. (via Half Baked Harvest)

Averie Cooks

Dill Pickle Cheese Ball

While the term “cheese ball" might not sound particularly refined, this big bundle of flavor actually kinda is. It's coated in cheddar cheese, for one thing, which makes it a total crowd-pleaser. We recommend adding pickle slices to this bad boy for extra oomph. (via Averie Cooks)

The Endless Meal

Crispy Boursin Arancini

Crispy Boursin arancinis the perfect make-ahead appetizer that you can reheat in the oven. Once you try this recipe, you and your fam will be totally hooked. The Boursin center make these extra flavorful! (via The Endless Meal)

Cozy Cravings

Spinach and Ricotta Puff Pastry Pinwheels

These spinach and ricotta pinwheels take pre-dinner bread to a whole other level. Enjoy a swirl of buttery puff pastry, salty parmesan, and gooey ricotta for the ultimate savory treat. (via Cozy Cravings)

The Bossy Kitchen

Cranberry Cream Cheese Dip

Nothing says Thanksgiving more than cranberry-infused everything, and that doesn't stop at chips and dip! Top this dip with slivered almonds and green onions for extra flavor. (via The Bossy Kitchen)

Hello Little Home

Baked Brie with Cranberries & Pecans

There's an unexpected sweetness to this baked brie, and it comes from the cranberries. Prep ahead then bake to experience the ooey-gooey center. (via Hello Little Home)

The First Mess

Roasted Carrot & Harissa Chickpea Dip

When it comes to prepping ahead, dips of any kind are a crowd-pleasing dish that you really can't go wrong with. Top this spread with pine nuts and pomegranate pearls for extra flavor, but wait to do that part until you're ready to serve it — otherwise, it may all get mixed in. (via The First Mess)

Live Eat Learn

Leek Quiche Recipe with Goat Cheese

One of the best things about a quiche is that you can eat it at any time of year. Full of leeks and cheesy goodness, this recipe is a great way to sneak in some vegetables ahead of the big feast. (via Live Eat Learn)

The Endless Meal

Hot Spinach Artichoke Dip

This Thanksgiving, indulge in the traditional decadence that is a spinach and artichoke dip. The best part about a tried and true favorite like this is that it'll totally make you the best-ever Turkey Day hostess! (via The Endless Meal)

Rachel Mansfield

Spinach Artichoke Dip Cups

Speaking of spinach artichoke dip, opt for these lil' cups to avoid the mess. You definitely won't have to worry about forgetting the chips! (via Rachel Mansfield)

Two Peas & Their Pod

Cherry Arugula Farro Salad

Go for a not-so-traditional Thanksgiving food and whip up a light, yet filling salad. The sweet and crunchy texture of this appetizer will make it go fast. (via Two Peas & Their Pod)

Salt & Lavender

Easy Antipasto Skewers

Assemble these skewers a day ahead of schedule. Put them on a tray and cover tightly with plastic wrap, then refrigerate until you're ready to serve them. (via Salt & Lavender)

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This article has been updated with additional reporting by Maggie McCracken, Justina Huddleston, and Meredith Holser.

Bye, PSL! The Starbucks Holiday Menu For 2024 Is Back

So long, pumpkin spice season: Starbucks’ holiday menu has officially returned, and it brings back a ton of seasonal favorites!

In addition to the classic Peppermint Mocha to the beloved Caramel Brûlée Latte, a new Refresher flavor, 6 unique cold foams, and 4 new bakery items are now available at Starbucks locations as the holidays draw near – including many items we predicted! The lineup is honestly wild. The Starbucks holiday menu hit stores on November 7.

If you just can’t wait to order off the Starbucks holiday menu, here’s every offering available at your closest cafe!

When will the Starbucks holiday drinks for 2024 come out?

Starbucks

The new holiday drinks and snacks from Starbucks came out on November 7, 2024.

Will there be holiday cups?

Starbucks

Yes, the Starbucks holiday menu includes some new holiday cup designs! You can peek at all the new designs for 2024 here.

What's missing from this year's rumored Starbucks holiday menu?

Starbucks

The Eggnog Latte, Toasted White Chocolate Mocha, Irish Cream Cold Brew, and Gingerbread Loaf won't be returning to cafes for 2024. We're especially sad to see the Toasted White Chocolate Mocha not included, though the official menu lineup has yet to be released!

When is Starbucks Red Cup Day 2024?

Starbucks

Though there's no official word out about Red Cup Day for 2024, our best guess – based on the Red Cup Days of years past – is it'll return mid-November. In 2023, Red Cup Day fell on November 16. In 2022, the coffee chain held the event on November 17. Both dates landed on the third Thursday of November, so we predict it to hit on November 21 for 2024. Red Cup Day is when Starbucks customers can get a free reusable red cup when they order a seasonal drink off the holiday menu!

Initially introduced for fall 2024, it appears as though the Salted Pecan Crunch Cold Brew will stay on the Starbucks menu well into winter. The salted, pecan-flavored cold foam offers that classic sweet n' salty twist you'd enjoy on fall snacks like trail mix or dipped pretzels. The best part is you can now also order the cold foam in non-dairy form!

Starbucks

Holiday Cold Foams

Starbs will also be bringing back four beloved holiday-flavored cold foamsand two new options for 2024. They're the perfect drink customization to add to your iced coffees and cold brews if you don't want to order an all-out holiday drink. See all the flavors below:

NEW! Gingerbread
NEW! Salted Pecan
Peppermint Chocolate
Sugar Cookie
Chestnut Praline
Caramel Brûlée

The Cranberry Bliss Bar has become an absolute staple on the Starbucks holiday menu, and for good reason! This blondie treat is smothered in a delicious cream cheese frosting and sprinkled with orange zest and dried cranberries for added seasonal enjoyment.

What People Are Saying About The Leaked Starbucks Holiday Menu

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Famed foodie account @markie_devo was the first to leak the Starbucks holiday menu earlier this year. Though most commenters on @markie_devo's Starbucks holiday menu leak post seemed to be excited for the upcoming rumored menu items, some Starbs fans noticed a few things missing from the leaked lineup.

"Still missing eggnog 😢," someone noted.

"Where is the toasted white chocolate mocha 😢😢😢😢," another questioned.

"ALLLLLL these cold foams, and not the one people want: Irish Cream," one more commenter said.

"Ugh still no gingerbread loaf 😭," a disappointed user wrote. "Everything else looks bomb though!"

Despite the Eggnog Latte, Toasted White Chocolate Mocha, Irish Cream Cold Brew, and Gingerbread loaf not being part of this year's menu predictions, the holiday season is our favorite time of year at Starbucks. Many more users shared the same sentiment:

"So excited for all chestnut praline shaken espressos & cranberry bliss bars 🎄🎄🎄🎄," someone wrote.

"Oh hell yess all the chestnut praline offerings," another rejoiced.

Subscribe to our newsletter to stay posted on the latest Starbucks news, including when the official holiday menu lineup drops!

This post has been updated.

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