Here’s Where You Can Score Michelle Williams and Busy Philipps’ Darling Best Friend Jackets

The FIRO framework looks at three different types of interpersonal needs:

• Inclusion, our need to belong. How much do you need to be part of a group? How much do you want to be included by other people in their groups, and how much do you want to include others in your group?
• Control, our need for influence. How much to you need to have clear direction and structure in your relationships, both on a one-to-one level and in groups
• Affection, our need for intimacy. How important is it for you to have close personal relationships with other people at a one-to-one level?

The FIRO looks at two different aspects for each of these areas. First, how much of that need is expressed to others, how much of that behavior we initiate to others. For Inclusion, for example, how much do we try to include other people in our activities – your FIRO Expressed Inclusion score. It also looks at how much we want from others.

• For Inclusion: How much do we need other people to include us in their group and involve us in their activities? Wanted Inclusion.
• For Control: The extent to which we try to influence and control others, and how much we want to be in an environment that provides us with structure and clarity. Expressed Control and Wanted Control.
• For Affection: How much we try to be warm and friendly to others, and how much we want others to be warm and friendly to us. Expressed and Wanted Affection.

That gives scores; Expressed and Wanted Inclusion,Expressed and Wanted Control,Expressed and Wanted Affection. And we can have a high, medium, or low score for each of these six areas.

So how can this explain why someone might be misunderstood? Well, this can happen when someone’s expressed and wanted scores are different. Let’s look at an example. Joe has high Expressed Inclusion, but low Wanted Inclusion. He wants to involve lots of people in his activities but doesn’t want them to include him in their activities. He’s likely seen by others as outgoing and sociable, but he also has a real need for privacy.

Because people see his high Expressed Inclusion, his friends are likely to invite or include him more than he wants to be, and he’ll refuse some of those invitations – which might leave them feeling hurt or otherwise harm the friendship. But knowing his FIRO profile will give Joe the language to describe his behavior and keep the friendship alive.

Of course, our interpersonal needs involve other people too. Let’s look at Joe alongside his friend Joan. Joe has high Expressed Inclusion and low Wanted Inclusion. Joan has low Expressed Inclusion and high Wanted Inclusion. This might make for a good relationship. Joe wants to include Joan (high Expressed Inclusion), and she wants to be included (high Wanted Inclusion). Joan doesn’t much want to include other people in her activities (low Expressed Inclusion), and that’s fine with Joe, who doesn’t much want to be included (low Wanted Inclusion).

However, things might be a little different on Affection. Joe has high Expressed Affection and high Wanted Affection. Joan is low on both. Joe wants to be warm and friendly with Joan, to get a connection, but Joan, with low Wanted Affection, doesn’t want that. And Joe is looking for warm and friendly behavior from Joan, which she probably doesn’t want to express. This may be an area where understanding their FIRO results helps them to understand why their relationship may sometimes be strained, and gives them the knowledge they need to make that relationship work.

So take a moment to think about your relationships, your friendships. Are there places where your best friend doesn’t seem to understand you, or you them? Are there times when they don’t quite seem to give you what you need, or vice versa? Maybe understanding your interpersonal needs, or knowing your FIRO profile, could help.

What are your hobbies?

My favorite thing to do when talking to a new friend is to ask them how they spend their time. Because while school and work can have elements of responsibility or obligation, hobbies are pure fun! This is a good question to open your small talk with because it'll help you both loosen up and think about something you love to do. Plus, if you end up learning you share a hobby, you have even more to talk about! (As I discovered during my conversation with author Yulin Kuang!)

What's your favorite way to unwind?

If you want your conversation to feel more relaxed, well, ask about relaxation! Whether your new friend does yoga, they spend a half hour doing skincare, or they read a book chapter every night, this question is sure to get a positive response. Speaking of books...

What are you watching or reading right now?

There are so many movies, TV shows, and books out right now that you're both bound to be in the middle of one title or another. I can (and do) spend hours upon hours talking about my favorite TV shows. This is one small talk question that can make even the most awkward convo enjoyable.

What fictional character is closest to your personality?

And if the TV conversation goes well, take it a step farther by asking which fictional character your new friend relates to the most. It'll give you a little more insight into their personality, and it's just plain fun.

Which Taylor Swift era are you in?

If you and your acquaintance are both Taylor Swift fans, dive deep into your current eras. Whether you're in your Lover era or you're embracing the carefree chaos of 1989, this is the perfect excuse to queue up your Taylor Swift playlist.

Are you a morning person or a night person?

If you're both morning people, you can bond over how nice it is to be the early birds, while two night people will have plenty to talk about when it comes to nightlife or the best places to look at the stars. And if you're opposites, you can give each other tips!

Are you a chocolate person, vanilla person, or neither?

I don't know about y'all, but I refuse to order ice cream unless it's chocolate. I love consistently knowing what to expect. Maybe your new friend feels the same way, or they prefer the spontaneity of ordering a new flavor every single time. Either way, it'll give you a look at their personality AND lead you to the ice cream store. It's a win-win.

What fruit are you?

My current go-to question was born out of my interview with The Outsiders cast (in honor of character Cherry Valance). My current answer is strawberry for a few simple reasons: you know what you're in for, it can be super sweet, and on a good day, it's the same on the inside at the outside.

What's something you're proud of this year?

It's crazy that we're halfway through 2024! Let the conversation take an exciting turn by remembering something fun, memorable, and beautiful.

What's one thing you want to check off your bucket list this year?

But don't spend all your time talking about the past! Think ahead to the second half of the year and talk about a dream or goal you have. It can be as small as finally ordering frames for your gallery wall or as big as scoring a promotion.

Where do you want to travel?

Summer's not over yet! Daydream about somewhere you'd like to see one day, like Italy or Seoul. And in the meantime, plan a day trip somewhere close by :).

Dinner Time Live With David Chang: Holiday Edition — On Netflix Now Until December 10

Nothing says the holidays like tons of delicious meals, and Chef David Chang is cooking some amazing food for his celebrity friends — and he's doing it all live. (Because, a lot of TV cooking uses swaps and stylists to make it look better than it actually is). I'm getting hungry just thinking about it!

Dinner Time Live With David Chang: Holiday Edition is hosted by David Chang.

Meet Me Next Christmas — On Netflix November 6

Christmas in New York City is truly a magical experience, and Layla's looking for her own fairytale romance this holiday season. And believe it or not, the ticket to finding her one true love is getting into the Pentatonix Christmas Eve Concert.

Meet Me Next Christmas streams November 6 and stars Christina Milian, Devale Ellis, Kofi Siriboe, Tymika Tafari, Mitch Grassi, Scott Hoying, Kirstin Maldonado, Kevin Olusola, Matt Sallee, Kalen Allen, Nikki Duval, and Wesley French.

Hot Frosty — On Netflix November 13

Nobody puts me in the holiday spirit like seeing Lacey Chabert onscreen, and this year, she's playing Kathy, a widow who happens to bring a handsome snowman to life. (I don't remember this in the "Frosty the Snowman" lyrics!). He helps Kathy reconnect with her emotions as they begin to fall for each other — and as he begins to melt.

Hot Frosty will stream on Netflix beginning November 13 and stars Lacey Chabert, Dustin Milligan, Craig Robinson, Joe Lo Truglio, Katy Mixon, Lauren Holly, and Chrishell Stause.

It's almost time for Virgin River season 6, which means we're getting closer to the ultimate cozy TV show. I mean, just look at those twinkly lights and pine trees in this preview image! It gives me the same exact feeling as drinking a mug of hot cocoa. This year, we're getting closer to Mel and Jack’s wedding, and confronting some serious secrets and drama along the way. This might not count as a Netflix holiday movie but I couldn't NOT include it!!!

Virgin River season 6 hits Netflix November 19 and stars Alexandra Breckenridge, Martin Henderson, John Allen Nelson, Tim Matheson, Annette O’Toole, Colin Lawrence, Benjamin Hollingsworth, Zibby Allen, Sarah Dugdale, Marco Grazzini, Mark Ghanimé, Kai Bradbury, Kandyse McClure, Jessica Rothe, and Callum Kerr.

Remember that One Tree Hill episode where the Ravens take part in the "Boy Toy" charity auction? Complete with a shirtless fashion show? Consider this the Netflix holiday movie response. When former dancer Ashley learns her parents' performing venue is in danger, she puts together the ultimate Christmas-themed show to raise money. Shirts not included.

The Merry Gentlemen hits Netflix November 20 and stars Britt Robertson, Chad Michael Murray, Marla Sokoloff, Beth Broderick, Michael Gross, Maxwell Caulfield, Hector David Jr., Colt Prattes, and Marc Anthony Samuel

Spellbound — On Netflix November 22

Okay, this fantasy movie might not technically be a Christmas movie, but it has everything I need in my Netflix holiday movies: family, hope, and love. After her parents are turned into monsters, princess Ellian must go on the ultimate quest to put everything right.

Spellbound hits Netflix November 22 and stars Rachel Zegler, John Lithgow, Jenifer Lewis, Nathan Lane, Tituss Burgess, Javier Bardem, and Nicole Kidman.

Our Little Secret — On Netflix November 27

If EXmas taught us anything, it's that spending the holidays with your ex is anything but calm. And in Lindsay Lohan's new movie, she finds herself at the same Christmas celebration as her ex when they realize their new SO's are siblings. No, that's not awkward at all.

Our Little Secret hits Netflix November 27 stars Lindsay Lohan, Ian Harding, Tim Meadows, Jon Rudnitsky, Henry Czerny, Judy Reyes, Chris Parnell, Kristin Chenoweth, Dan Bucatinsky, Katie Baker, Jake Brennan, Ash Santos, and Brian Unger.

Is It Cake? Holidays — On Netflix November 28

The only thing more enjoyable than eating delicious food is watching master bakers create beautiful food. This holiday special features edible ice skates, nutcrackers, and reindeer that will change the way you look at baking forever. Watch it in one sitting and it definitely counts as a holiday movie ;).

Is It Cake? Holidays hits Netflix November 28 and stars Jonny Manganello, Andrew Fuller, April Julian, Elizabeth Rowe, Miko Kaw Hok Uy, Danya Smith, Henderson Gonzalez, Grace Pak, and Jujhar Mann, with judges Rachel Bloom, Hannah Berner, Tiffany Haddish, Devon Walker, James Austin Johnson, Chris Witaske, Sasheer Zamata, Terry Crews, Punkie Johnson, and Randall Park.

The Snow Sister — On Netflix November 29

Julian's turning 11 on Christmas Eve, and even though it's usually the best day ever, this year is overshadowed by the death of his older sister. A newfound friendship with Hedwig helps him heal, but he can't help but feel like Hedwig's house — and the old man that's always around — are hiding secrets.

The Snow Sister hits Netflix November 29 and stars Mudit Gupta, Celina Meyer Hovland, Ole Steinkjer Øyen, Jan Sælid, Samsaya, Gunnar Eiriksson, and Advika.