6 Women in Their 30s Share What They Wish They Knew About Money in Their 20s

Religion, politics, sex, money — they’re the topics we’re warned to avoid at the dinner table, but we believe these are the real-life issues that millennial women should be discussing on the regular. (Like, why are millennials cheating?) And while we may have come a long way on the first three (hooray for kickass female activists!), personal finances are something of a final frontier when it comes to openness. But we think that can easily change with this generation of forward-thinking women. We asked six successful women in their 30s — who’ve had some time to reflect on the major financial milestones of their lives (we’re talking babies, weddings, salaries, vacations, and graduate school) — to give their younger selves (AKA you 20-somethings) a money talking-to. Think of it as a group chat with your older, wiser, been-there-don’t-do-that besties.

Saving for Vacation

“Pick where and when you want to go,” recommends behavioral health therapist Allison, a 32-year-old who lives in the Chicago suburbs. “Take the total cost and divide it by the number of months/paychecks until the vacation. This is how much you must save/pay off to have the vacation paid for by the time it arrives. I like knowing that I’ve already paid for the vacation when I get on the plane — it helps me to relax and have fun! Also make sure you budget in spending money — I always overbudget, because I know myself, and, well, I like shopping and eating.”

Gina, 35, a nurse from Charlottesville, shares, “I paid for my vacation to Las Vegas last year by working a few shifts of overtime over two months. We also kept costs low by traveling from Tuesday to Saturday and choosing a hotel package with a few meals included.”

Having a Baby

“Eek! The scariest of them all!” admits Allison, whose first baby is due this winter. “When I found out I was pregnant, I looked at my monthly expenses and multiplied that number by how many months I had until my due date. That was the amount of money I needed to [save] each month. I feel secure knowing I will have my bills covered (and then some) when I’m half-asleep 24 hours a day with a crying newborn.”

Thirty-three-year-old Andrea, a data manager in Philadelphia, PA, shares, “I wish we would have started saving for college early (like, the day we found out we were pregnant). We got a leg up from her grandparents last Christmas, when they opened an account for her and deposited about $10K into a low-risk Roth IRA. We try to add a little each month, but we’ve just recently made it a larger priority in our monthly budget. We add about $300 per month.”

“A friend recently told me that she is spending the equivalent of her total wedding costs on daycare this year,” reveals Maggie, a 34-year-old program manager in Washington, DC. “This quickly put my upcoming wedding concerns in perspective, so after the wedding bills are paid, we will absolutely open a savings account for daycare. Daycare is a temporary expense — maybe five years — but my goal is to plan for that expense.”

Planning a Wedding

“One thing I regret spending so much money on was flowers,” says Kristin. “Don’t get me wrong — I loved my flowers, and they were absolutely beautiful, but we could have easily cut the flowers in half, and it still would have been just as great!” She ultimately affirms that “if I could do it all again, I would definitely bring my family and a couple of my closest friends to some cool location and have a no-fuss ceremony there!”

Andrea agrees: “Nobody is going to remember what your wedding invitations looked like or if your wedding cake had three or four tiers.” Instead, “When we started wedding planning, it was clear that we both prioritized celebrating with our family and friends foremost, and that a once-in-a-lifetime honeymoon was more important than having a designer gown or a huge wedding with all the posh trimmings. So my advice would be to make a list of your priorities and then decide how many you can realistically handle given your budget.”

Buying a House

“Definitely, definitely, definitely try to put down 20 percent on your house when you purchase,” urges Kristin, 33, director of communications at a non-profit in Richmond, VA. “My husband and I put down 10 percent when we bought, thinking we’d get up to that 20 percent mark in a year and not have to pay private mortgage insurance anymore. What we didn’t realize is that the majority of your monthly mortgage payment goes toward paying the interest first. Barely any of your mortgage payment goes toward paying down the principle (which is what counts toward that 20 percent). We’ve been paying off our mortgage for four years now and still have at least a year to go until we no longer have to pay private mortgage insurance. That’s $81 a month we are basically throwing down the drain!”

Going to Grad School

“Paying for graduate school was the most stressful financial burden of my life so far,” relates Emily, a 32-year-old environmental project manager from Denver, CO. “I thought, ‘Oh, everyone is going to grad school — I’ll figure out how to pay for it.’ My monthly required loan payment was $560/month (for 10 years), and that started during 2008-2009 when job availability was slim.

“With that said, look into whether your company will offer some form of tuition reimbursement to take some of the financial burden off of you. In my case, the company was offering a fraction (10 percent) of total tuition costs and required you be a full-time employee, with a three-year commitment to the company afterward. For me, that didn’t seem worth it. My current company offers a much better reimbursement program, and I would have gladly worked a full-time job (full salary coming in!) and gone to school full time for two years had I come out debt-free in the end. The long-term commitment (10 years) of a grad school payment sounds way more painful than those two years of full-time school and work.

“Lastly, if you do end up paying for it yourself, don’t pay just the minimum loan amount if you can afford to pay more. I started overpaying my loan by a few hundred dollars each month when I could. That way, if I had a big purchase (flights/vacation/etc.), I could pay a lot less during that month because I had overpaid for so long. By taking this approach, I ended up cutting three years off my loan and saving close to $10,000 in interest payments.”

Negotiating a Salary

“Knowing that you should negotiate is a good starting point,” Maggie tells us. “I didn’t know that for my first job offer out of college. These days, there are so many resources available (Glassdoor, PayScale) to do your research for the job level, company, city, education to help you know your worth. I always remain gracious and appreciative during salary negotiations, keeping it all positive, while still asking for what I want. It’s important to feel calm — not pressured by deadlines or other constraints that will cause you to cave before you’re satisfied with the deal.”

Emily recommends that we “[shouldn’t] always focus on the salary number alone. Think about the other benefits they are offering and how that compares to what you receive now. How much do they match in 401(k) contributions? How much vacation time do they offer? What is the monthly insurance payment versus the benefits? If one of these is less than what you’re receiving at your current company, use it in negotiating a higher salary. Also, don’t offer excuses or soften your request by saying, ‘I know the market for XYZ is slow right now, but I have over 10 years of experience…’ Oh! And if the negotiation is over the phone, make sure you have your reasoning written down before having the call. Having a clear and concise message and reasoning goes a long way.”

 The Extras

Allison leaves us with a few quick tips: “If you have a pet (especially a high-maintenance pet like mine), make sure you factor in their expenses to your budget. They can add up quickly! Using an FSA account is a great way to put away money for medical bills — tax-free — and helps with stress when those bills come rolling in. Oh, and cutting out Target runs was the quickest way for me to save money, but, boy, did it work. I feel super-rich when I’m not spending $200 a week on random stuff I don’t need!”

Do you have any financial words of wisdom to share? Tweet us @BritandCo to share!

(Photos via Getty)

Norman Mailer, I'm pregnant! This might be a memorable line from an equally memorable Gilmore Girls episode, but it's now also a reality for one of the show's stars because Milo Ventimiglia is expecting his first child! The actor married model and entrepreneur Jarah Mariano in the fall of 2023 at a tiny, private ceremony (a move that was very Jess Mariano of him), and on September 29, Jarah announced she's pregnant!

Milo Ventimiglia and Jarah Mariano just showed up at Brian Bowen Smith's ‘Joyride’ exhibit at Studio CT in California, and one source tells People Milo was “sweet and attentive to his wife throughout the whole event.” Duh!!

He “seemed very proud to be with her" while Jarah looked "radiant and glowing," as she always does. “Milo was kissing her and whispering into her ear," the source continues. "They were just genuinely lovely together.”

Is Jarah Mariano pregnant?

Jarah Mariano/Instagram

Yes, Jarah Mariano announced her pregnancy with an Instagram post featuring a surf session with Milo Ventimiglia. In the photos, Jarah is sitting on a surfboard wearing a brown bikini top, polka dot bikini bottoms, and a pink lei. "Baby on board!" she says in the caption.

After his time on Gilmore Girls, Milo played patriarch Jack Pearson on NBC's This Is Us, and told US Weekly in 2017 that "I think I’m built to want a strong family unit. “It will happen when it happens. I’m not out seeking it. It’s just kind of, I’m present in the space in my life that when it presents itself and it’s right, I’m sure it will work out.”

And it looks like it worked out at the exact right time.

Does Milo Ventimiglia have a wife?

Yes, Milo Ventimiglia & wife Jarah Mariano got married in the fall of 2023, and Jarah recently posted some new photos from the special day. "Last year I married my best friend," she says. "There aren’t enough words that exist to describe all the special qualities that make him who he is. AlI can say is that I am grateful for the life that we have together and the happiness that we have created🤍 Aloha wau iā 'oe my husband Milo."

"Things are good," Milo told Extra in February 2024. "We've had relationships that have come and have gone and then you get to a point where you kind of meet your match and meet someone that inspires you in a way different than anybody else...I'm grateful for her and I’m happy to have arrived in this moment, so married life is nice."

If you're loving the celeb baby news as much as we are, check out the latest news on Hilary Duff's Baby #4!

Tom Holland and Zendaya are the "it" couple right now, and they're both at the top of their game. Tom Holland took a recent break from acting and has been doing phenomenal charity work with his Brothers Trust foundation, while Zendaya's had hit after hit with Euphoria, Dune 2, and Challengers. And it looks like the couple, who met doing Spider-Man: Homecoming, could be doing another new Marvel movie. Here's everything we know about Spider-Man 4.

Is Tom Holland's Spider-Man 4 coming?

Emma McIntyre/Getty Images

Yes, we're getting a Spider-Man 4! Tom Holland finally confirmed the news during an October 22 appearance on The Tonight Show, and in true Tom fashion, already revealed a huge piece of news: the movie will start shooting next summer. "Everything’s good to go — we’re nearly there,” he said. “Super exciting. I can’t wait!”

Before the movie was confirmed, producer Amy Pascal told Variety (when asked if they're making a fourth film), “Of course, we are."

It might feel like a new movie conflicts with the fact Spider-Man: No Way Home set up an MCU without Tom Holland's Peter Parker, especially since Tom said he needed to take a break from acting after The Crowded Room "broke" him. ("I’m now taking a year off, and that is a result of how difficult this show was," he tells Extra.)

However, Tom's also been very vocal about how much Spider-Man means to him, and how much he loves the movies. He also told Variety at The Crowded Room premiere in 2023 that he was already “having meetings” about the next installment.

“The simple answer is that I’ll always want to do Spider-Man films,” Tom tells Deadline at the Sands Film Festival. “We have the best in the business working toward whatever the story might be. But until we’ve cracked it, we have a legacy to protect...The third movie was so special in so many ways that we need to make sure we do the right thing.”

What has Tom Holland said about returning as Peter Parker?

Jay Maidment/Sony Pictures/Marvel

Tom Holland recently revealed that he's actually already read a script for Spider-Man 4 — and that he loved it! “We have a creative and we have a pitch and a draft, which is excellent,” he tells the Rich Roll Podcast (via Variety). “It needs work, but the writers are doing a great job. I read it three weeks ago and it really lit a fire in me. Zendaya and I sat down and read it together and we, at times, were bouncing around the living room like this is a real movie worthy of the fans’ respect.”

“One of the things is that, with Marvel, your film is a small cog in a large machine,” he continues. “That machine has got to keep running. You have to make sure you can fit into that timeline at the right time to benefit the bigger picture. That’s one of the challenges we’re facing. The time in which we need to get that done is a tall order but definitely achievable with the people we have working on it now.”

Peter Parker is one character fans take very seriously, and I know that with Tom and Zendaya at the front, this movie is going to be just as special as Spider-Man: No Way Home!

Will Zendaya be in Spider-Man 4?

JoJo Whilden/Sony Pictures/Marvel

With the recent news that Euphoria season 3 was delayed — and the cast has been given the greenlight to take other projects — it's totally safe to assume Zendaya will return for Spider-Man 4. And fans are hoping for even more characters they love! "Hopefully Kingpin, Scorpion, Daredevil and Black Cat," says one Reddit user.

Forbes has also recently reported Sydney Sweeney could be joining the cast of Spider-Man 4. Sydney was in Madame Web earlier this year, and after rumors she booked the role thinking she was joining the MCU, this newest Tom Holland film would give her the opportunity to do just that. We could see her as Gwen Stacy, or as Felicia Hardy/Black Cat. Considering we've already gotten an extensive plotline surrounding Peter and Gwen in Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone's universe, I'm hoping we'd see her as Felicia!

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Ringsdirector Destin Daniel Cretton is in talks to take over from Jon Watts, who directed the first three movies.

Has Spider-Man 4 started filming?

Columbia Pictures/Sony Pictures/Marvel

Spider-Man 4 will start filming in "next summer" according to Tom Holland, which we're taking to mean the summer of 2025. Based on the schedule for Spider-Man: Far From Home, we could see Spider-Man 4 in the summer of 2026.

What will be the title of Spider-Man 4?

Columbia Pictures/Sony Pictures/Marvel

We don't have an official name for Spider-Man 4 yet, but fans are already coming up with new ideas. Some fan titles include The Spectacular Spider-Man,Spider-Man: Homeless, and Spider-Man: Home Again. I'd love for Spider-Man 4 to continue with the "home" theme, but switching things up with a brand new title would provide a fresh feel we haven't gotten before. I'm excited to see what Marvel goes with!

What are the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies in order?

Columbia Pictures/Sony Pictures/Marvel

Tom Holland has three Spider-Man movies, but he also shows up in some other MCU titles. If you want to watch all the movies Tom Holland plays Peter Parker, here's how you should watch them:

  • Captain America: Civil War
  • Spider-Man: Homecoming
  • Avengers: Infinity War
  • Avengers: Endgame
  • Spider-Man: Far From Home
  • Spider-Man: No Way Home

What do you want to see in Tom Holland and Zendaya's Spider-Man 4? Let us know in the comments!

This post has been updated.

Ask literally any Swiftie and we'll say Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce are meant to be. Whether they're spending time together in Las Vegas, on a Bahamas vacation, or Travis is talking about the singer on his New Heights podcast, it's clear that they're in L-O-V-E. Well, apparently they're more in love than ever because according to ET (a publication that's accurately released news about the ultra-private singer before), Taylor & Travis could be saying "I do" before long.

Are Travis Kelce and Taylor engaged?

YouTube/Taylor Swift/UMG

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce haven't announced an engagement yet, but it looks like all our teen drama tropes about athletes and artists were true. According to an ET source, "Taylor and Travis are doing amazing, and their loved ones see an engagement coming sooner than later. They make a great match and there's no question about that."

However, that doesn't mean their family is clued into a potential engagement. “Nobody knows that,” Donna tells Page Six at the Glamour Women of the Year Awards. “We will see what happens. You never know.”

This is one wedding I'll need ALL the details about if and when it should happen. Will Travis propose to "Love Story"? Will Taylor's cats be the ring bearers? (This would actually be so incredible and I would love to see it).

One thing I'm thinking about more than any other is Taylor Swift's wedding color palette. "The Alchemy" singer is such an intentional and detail-oriented person that I know she'll think about every little aspect of the day, including which colors to include in the ceremony and the reception. I would LOVE for the colors to feature gold because of how she sings about love being "golden like daylight." That would be such a beautiful, full circle moment!

On June 1, during the Big Slick Celebrity Weekend's onstage comedy sketch, actor Jason Sudeikis asked Travis Kelce about the potential engagement. "Hey Travis, real talk, OK, just the guys here," Jason says. "When are you going to make an honest woman out of her?"

"Guys," Travis responds, "you're really pushing it." TBH, if I had millions of people talking or asking about my relationship, I'd respond the exact same way!

Does Taylor Swift have an engagement ring?

@everything.norway Taylor Swift is engaged? 😳💍😂🤡@Taylor Nation @Taylor Swift #taylorswift#TheErasTour#theerastourwarsaw#taylorswiftwarsaw#swiftie#warsawpoland#theerastourwarsaw#theerastourwarsawn3♬ original sound - everything.norway

After Taylor Swift's Eras Tour concert in Warsaw on August 3, fans are wondering if an announcement is coming soon. In a viral video during the Lover set, Taylor tells the crowd she's in a "fantastic mood tonight" and then visibly plays with a ring on her ring finger.

Naturally, TikTok's gone wild! "Went that night to the concert and IMMEDIATELY called that out," one user comments, while another says, "I think they have been since the Lake Como photos!...Their engagement announcement is beating my excitement for even Rep TV."

What do Taylor Swift's friends think about her relationship?

Taylor Swift/Instagram

Not only did the ET source talk about Taylor and Travis, but also their friendship with Gigi Hadid & Bradley Cooper! Doubles dates are always a good idea IMO and it's fun to see these A-listers living it up with their friends, too.

"Taylor, Travis, Gigi, and Bradley have a blast when they get together," the source continues. "They appreciate that they can all be themselves around each other and enjoy double dating and spending time with each other." Feeling inspired? Check out 16 Perfect Date Night Ideas, According To Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type!

Read up on the cutest Taylor Swift Disney Movie Posters Inspired By Her Songs for more Swiftie news!

Lead image via Rob Carr/Getty Images

This post has been updated.

Every year since I was old enough to choose my Halloween costume, I've gone with my current fictional character hyperfixation. We're talking Amy March from Little Women, Lucy from Narnia (twice), Belle from Beauty in the Beast (three times), and even Eurydice from Hadestown. So I know a good pop culture Halloween costume when I see it.

New York Comic Con 2024 was filled with people who love movies, TV, and comics — and who know how to put together a good costume. This past weekend I saw everything from Disneybounds (a catchall term for easier, streetwear version of iconic costumes) to cosplays involving lights and smoke. And I catalogued them all away because they make incredible Halloween costume inspo. The best news is these are all pretty easy and they're definitely recognizable. So no more having to explain who you are! Here are 17 of the coolest pop culture costumes I saw at NYCC to use for your own 'fits this year.

Glinda & Elphaba from 'Wicked'

Universal Pictures

My jaw literally dropped when I saw two cosplayers in full head-to-toe costumes from the new Wicked movie. And when I say full costume, I mean it — people were having to step around Glinda because her ballgown was so big! If you're not so sure about a full gown, opt for a pink corset and mini skirt for G, or a little black dress for Elphaba, instead.

'The Handmaid’s Tale'

Brit + Co

A white cap and a red cape? Babe, it literally doesn't get easier than this.

'Agatha All Along' Costumes

Chloe Williams/Brit + Co

Agatha All Along is Marvel's newest hit show, and as a costume girlie I was so excited to see outfits from the series IRL! I was also shocked at how easy they are to recreate. Billy just wears a sweater and jeans (which you probably already have in your closet), while Agatha opts for a teal trench.

Scarlet Witch's Suit From 'WandaVision'

Chloe Williams/Brit + Co

And of course it wouldn't be a comic con without dozens of Scarlet Witches! Wanda Maximoff is such a beloved character, it only makes sense that fans would wear full cosplays, or turn her iconic costume into a sweater & jeans look like I did! If you're feeling crafty like me, I was inspired by @MagicWithMeg's jeans and painted the design on a pair of black jeans. The only thing you'll want to note here is that I made sure to paint white on the base before the red — it made it stand out perfectly.

Obviously, I wore my Scarlet Witch shirt to meet Wanda herself, Elizabeth Olsen.

'Game of Thrones'

Brit + Co

Winterfell will never go out of style! Reuse that red cape from The Handmaid's Tale costume, or go for a leather look. Either way, you'll look very stylish.

Megan

Geoffrey Short/Universal Pictures

One pop culture costume that made me laugh out loud was M3gan from the 2022 flick of the same name. Buying the costume dress will save you a ton of hassle (meaning you can focus on scaring your neighbors), but all you need to recreate it is a khaki mini dress.

Anne and Marilla from 'Anne of Green Gables'

Ken Woroner/Netflix

Anne of Green Gables is one of the stories I hold closest to my heart, and I was so excited to see a duo dressed up as Anne Shirley and Marilla Cuthbert! Especially since it's just an excuse to wear cottagecore dresses all Halloweekend long.

'Everything Everywhere All At Once' Costumes

Allyson Riggs/A24

Everything Everywhere All At Once costumes are so easy to recreate — and this Elvis costume x pink wig combo is simply too iconic to pass up. I'll take any excuse to have a bagel in-hand.

Princess Irulan and a Sandworm from 'Dune 2'

Warner Bros. Pictures

Dune 2 has a lot of iconic duos. Paul and Chani, Feyd Rautha and Baron Vladimir Harkonnen. But the combo I didn't expect to see at Comic Con was Princess Irulan and a sandworm. But now I need this tan dress and chainmail ASAP.

Harry Potter and Hermione

Brit + Co

I also saw plenty of Hogwarts students during my time at NYCC, and Harry and Hermione are always a great choice for a Halloween costume. Grab some Wizarding robes — after you figure out your house of course.

Troy and Gabriela from 'High School Musical'

Disney Channel

Troy and Gabriela might be the easiest couples's costume of all time. An East High jersey and a red mini dress are all you need! (Microphones not needed, but encouraged).

Glen Powell in 'Twisters'

Universal Pictures

White tee? Check. Cowboy hat? Check. Tiny, adorable dog? Check. My friend, you've got yourself a Twisters Halloween costume!

Cinderella

Jonathan Olley/Disney

The 2015 Cinderella rewired my brain, and seeing someone show up to Comic Con in Lily James' gorgeous blue ballgown rewired it all over again!! If the full gown is too much, try our easy DIY Cinderella outfit instead!

'Star Wars'

Brit + Co

Dressing up as a Jedi really just means wearing the most comfy Halloween costume ever. Just grab some leggings and wrap some fabric around your body and you've got an easy Rey costume for the holiday.

Baby Yoda

Disney

And in the Star Wars of it all, I also saw a baby dressed up as Grogu and I couldn't handle the cuteness! This onesie is a must.

The Powerpuff Girls

Amazon

While I saw someone rock a Powerpuff Girls tee, you can also grab a matching set in blue, green, or pink to make this costume more screen-accurate.

A Camp Half-Blood Student From 'Percy Jackson & The Olympians'

Matthias Clamer/Disney

I'd definitely consider Percy Jackson'sCamp Half-Blood my home away from home, and if you snag this camp shirt, you can wear it all the time — not just on Halloween. Grab some cosplay armor and your favorite pair of denim shorts and you can be a camper ready to fight evil!

Check out 65+ Last-Minute Halloween Costume Ideas Perfect For Procrastinators for more!

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

The perks of having an older sister means I've been able to ask her all my more embarrassing questionsgrowing up. My whole life, we've chatted about everything from periods to sex to giving birth. Then one day, right before I graduated high school, she gifted me a book that changed everything: Nancy Redd's Body Drama: Real Girls, Real Bodies, Real Issues, Real Answers. It not only helped me understand my body more, but it also helped soothe some of the insecurity I had before my postpartum body developed into what it is today.

I eventually gifted Body Drama to someone else, but I never forgot about how beneficial it was, and I always thought there should be more work like it out in the world. As it turns out, Nancy Redd wasn't done normalizing bodies and questions bout sexual health — the author and Wirecutter journalist just released The Real Body Manual: Your Visual Guide to Health & Wellness! Not only is it a great resource for those who are looking for answers to more specific health questions, but it's something I continue to revisit on the days my insecurity dampens my mood!

I chatted with Redd to understand more about her work — and I came out understanding even more about myself and how I want to help raise the future generation.

The Difference Between 'Body Drama' And 'The Real Body Manual'

Amazon

If you've had the pleasure of sticking your nose in Nancy Redd's Body Drama, you're familiar with how well-researched and thorough it is. In that regard, The Real Body Manual is no different — but Redd highlights it's still a "totally different book." She says, "The world has changed dramatically, and we're talking so much more about bodies, and we see a lot more bodies."

Despite seeing all those "real" bodies on TV and otherwise, women — and people in general — still don't feel great about themselves. According to a 2022 study, 32% of teens had a negative opinion about their acne, while 31% weren't comfortable with their weight. Meanwhile, another study shows that 80% of women have referred to themselves as "fat."

To combat troubling statistics like those, Redd hopesThe Real Body Manual can help. "I think we're all operating with not enough information about the world we live in, and I think the more information we can receive in a safe, educated, medically-accurate space, the better," she explains.

Centre for Ageing Better

Redd also really wanted to write a book that taught both her son and her daughter about their changing bodies — and she feels this is the perfect time for everyone to come together and learn about the way bodies not only look, but function. She likens these lessons to learning about world geography. "We don't just need to know about the small town we live in. We need to know about the state, country, the world-at-large," she stresses. And she thinks The Real Body Manual can help you "learn about your own body, your friends, and the people in society you live with."

If you look at the group of friends I have today, everyone doesn't have the same body shame. One of my friends is a little taller and curvier than I am while another is shorter and rounder. I dealt with acne-prone skin and dark spots while my best friend Cookie didn't really struggle with that. It's honestly rare that everyone will look the same — and that's okay! But learning about what's going on with all of us helps bridge our experiential gaps and creates better shared understanding.

And with that in mind, here are the 4 things I learned about my body — and all bodies — when chatting with Nancy and reading The Real Body Manual.

1. Understanding Your Body Doesn't Have To Look Like Everyone Else's

MART PRODUCTION

I grew up during a time where certain body types were celebrated more than others in media, and it had a negative effect on how I perceived my own body. I believed I wasn't supposed to have stretch marks because video vixens didn't, and became horrified when I discovered them in middle school as a slender girl. Not only that, but I didn't really develop curves until after I gave birth which made me feel like an outlier in my community.

Recent studies found there's a link between teens aged 16-18 years old developing body dysmorphia and social media...which doesn't sound surprising. And while there are countless body positive accounts that also exist — and I really do promise I'm not saying to completely ditch your socials — sometimes you have to take a step away from it (and other influencers) if it's having a negative impact on your self-esteem.

"Some bodies naturally look like those in music videos. I think separating that from being able to find love or have purpose in your life — they're completely separate things," Redd insists. She breaks things down even further by explaining why you not looking a certain way doesn't discount you from enjoying life. "Some people are born with the ability to be tennis stars, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't pick up a tennis racket because you're not Serena Williams."

The main point she drives home is that "every person can have a great time with their bodies" which is why The Real Body Manual reads like an encouraging, evidence-based love letter to readers.

2. Loving Yourself Is A Choice

Anna Tarazevich

Just like I had to make the decision to fully accept the body I have, it's something Nancy says everyone has the ability to do. "It's literally a choice," she says before one of her kids quickly pops into our convo. In a tender moment, she asks her child, "Hello, do you love your body?"

This brief encounter circles back to the reason why The Real Body Manual matters — it opens up these conversations with our kids, offering a tangible resource for others. I know I try to have more conversations like this with my son, and I've even encouraged him to hug himself when he needs a little dose of self love.

"The things that matter — having purpose in life, feeling love, being a good community member — don't have much to do with whether you have hyperpigmentation, freckles, cellulite, etc.," she says. "The more you know from the beginning of your journey that bodies look different, the easier it is for you to accept [yourself]. But if the only bodies you're seeing are sexualized in pornography, videos, and magazines, you don't have a real basis."

It's one of the biggest reasons she intended for The Real Body Manual to be a visual guide.

3. Your Naked Body Is Beautiful

cottonbro studio

"I really like showing people what the body actually looks like for the most part," Redd says. Yeah, that's right — The Real Body Manual features real people's bodies, not just illustrations. In doing so, she says, "Everyone can see someone who resembles them." It doesn't matter if you're heavy-set, a person with different sized breasts, or anything in-between. The point is that you'll be able to find yourself somewhere in The Real Body Manual.

My mother told me how little information her own mom shared with her about bodies. Because of that, my mom always stressed that she wanted my sister and I to have access to whatever information we needed. She wanted us to be informed, and never inhibited by her own lack of comfort over a topic. But not all parents feel comfortable sharing with their kids.

Redd says, "I don't think it was done with malice. I think people are just working with whatever they have which is not a lot." She further notes people have chosen to refer to genitals as "down there" for both men and women instead of saying the proper term for them for their autonomy. I'll be honest — growing up in a religious background often means sexual shame was attached to very normal things like breasts and penises.

Not everyone was on board with me telling my toddler he has a penis instead of saying "pee pee" — or not talking about it at all, if we're being honest. But I wanted him to feel comfortable with what he was born with, and to know that his dad having the same anatomy is normal. "We just don't use the proper names for things which increases this shroud of secrecy about it. We aren't taught health literacy," Redd says.

4. 'The Real Body Manual' Is A Must-Have For Pre-Teens, Teens, And Adults

Yan Krukau

Funnily enough, Redd informs me that October is actually Health Literacy Month, making all this really round out. We should know what's going on with our bodies, whether it's the proper terminology, what changes we're going through, what we can look like. Ignorance only makes our experiences more confusing and harder — especially when we're young and probably have a million different questions.

She explains that if you ask people specifics like 'How does a period work,' then they may not know the answer. "The same goes for if you ask what's the difference between a freckle and a mole," Redd explains. "It may not seem like these things are a big deal, but when something goes wrong, you need to know 'I need to get this thing checked out.'"

Information is power, and when armed with information about our bodies we can lead safer, healthier lives. Instead of wondering why we don't talk about things enough, Redd decided to take the bull by the horns and talk about them — and she thinks you should talk about them, even (and sometimes especially) when they're uncomfortable. She says, "Any time you feel shame or discomfort discussing your body, that's a sign you don't have enough information."

If you find yourself unable to ask other people questions, but want to start feeling comfortable in your body, I highly recommend that you read both Body Drama and The Real Body Manual because they're equipped with detailed explanations — and helpful imagery — about how bodies actually look, work, and feel.

Buy 'The Real Body Manual' Here!

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The Real Body Manual

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