3 New Books About Ambitious Women Against All Odds

The poet Langston Hughes famously asked us, “What happens to a dream deferred?” Thwarted ambition, particularly that which comes from circumstances beyond our control, can ruin lives and cause rage, pain, or even revolution. The women in the novels featured in this week’s book club all have one thing in common: What they want seems just out of reach, mostly due to societal repression based on gender or class. Do their delayed dreams cause these women to shrivel up or to explode? You’ll have to read these books to find out.

I thought I'd discovered all of the best celebrity book clubs this year, but writing about the new novels debuting in 2025 proved I haven't. I saw an upcoming book — a riveting story that reads like how Succession might unfold in a Black family — was was surprised to find Mindy Kaling's stamp of approval. She's one of the brilliant minds that wrote for The Office, one of the best fan-favorite NBC shows to date. Also, she gave the world six seasons of The Mindy Project and multiple seasons of The Sex Lives of College Girls, continuously proving that she's as great of an actress as she is a screenwriter or producer.

Knowing this, I think it pans out that the 8 books on her book club list have intricate stories and equally pretty covers for reading that feels attainable.

Keep scrolling to learn about every book picked by Mindy's Book Studio

Amazon

The Vibrant Years by Sonali Dev

Anyone would be happy to be a million dollars richer, but not Bindu Desai. She's shocked, but she's also dreading the discovering of something that happened when she was younger. The only way she feels she can bypass this unfortunate event is by choosing to move to Florida. The problem with that is her daughter-in-law Aly still lives with her. As unexpected as this move is, Aly tries to find the bright side in it. She figures that this will give her a chance to reach a turning point in her career.

Then there's Aly's daughter, Cullie. As successful as she once was in the tech industry, Cullie's been struggling and has to face her investors. She's not completely helpless because they're in love with the idea of a dating app, but Cullie doesn't really know what it means to be immersed in the romantic world. Left with no other choice, she'll have to lean on her grandmother Bindu and her mom Aly to help her do what's felt impossible — date. You know, for research purposes.

Amazon

I'll Stop the World by Lauren Thoman

The deaths of Justin Warren's grandparents have followed him most of his life and he can't stand it. He's also over the fact he lives in a town where opportunity and excitement don't exist. Despite never meeting his grandparents, it seems nothing good has come from him being born.

Stuck with making odd choices left and right, Justin eventually meets Rose Yin. The ironic thing is that he discovers she lives in a time before he was born, meaning he's somehow landed himself back in time. And guess who's still alive at this point? His grandparents.

In order to get Justin back where he belongs, he and Rose have a short amount of time to figure out what could've cause this time jump. Also, they'll have to try to rewrite history by preventing something that triggers his grandparents' deaths.

Amazon

The Better Halfby Alli Frank & Asha Youmans

Nina Morgan Clarke has been through a lot between her divorce and making sure her daughter Xandra settles in nicely at boarding school. But now it's her time to shine as a the head of Royal-Hawkins School. She's been waiting for this moment and it's finally hers.
To celebrate, Nina and her bestie Marisol decided to go on a girls' trip. Just as she's finally trusting that everything's going according to plan, Jared Jones makes an unpleasant appearance. He's all ego with his Harvard education and knows how to get under Nina's skin. Suddenly, Xandra's making huge accusations at school while Nina's embracing something that she never thought she would.

Only one question remains: Is this truly the better half of Nina's life?

Amazon

Woke Up Like This by Amy Lea

Charlotte Wu takes her organizational skills seriously and wants to make sure prom is flawlessly executed. She's doing well until a little mishap causes her to face-plant into J.T. Renner. He's the last person she wants to run into, but she doesn't remember much besides waking up years later as a 30-year-old woman. By her side is the sexy bane of her high school existence — J.T. Renner.

They're both confused about their adult lives and how they went from hating to loving each other, so they let curiosity lead the way. What they both discover is there was also more to their high school selves than they initially knew about. As much as they yearn to be teenagers again, they'll have to figure out if they want things to change or stay the same now that they know there's love between them.

Amazon

Almost Surely Dead by Amina Akhtar

Dunia Ahmed went from being an amazing pharmacist to having her case talked about in the world of true crime. No one knows where she is as she's disappeared without a trace. Prior to that, she lived in New York and was dealing with the fallout from her engagement as well as the grief from losing her mom. In her mind, things couldn't get any worse until she realizes someone wants her dead.

Amazon

Friends in Napa by Sheila Yasmin Marikar

Raj and Rachel Ranjani are excited to spend time with their trusted friends in Napa Valley. They have a beautiful itinerary that includes spending time at their mansion, wine tastings, and more! But, these friends haven't seen each other in a long time.
From a cold welcome to the fact the Ranjanis don't seem to be on the same team, one weird thing after another happens. There's old arguments and rekindled crushes that rips this friend group to shreds. Worse, one of them doesn't make it make home because they're discovered dead. But, who could've wanted to kill them in the first place?

Amazon

Sorry for the Inconvenienceby Farah Naz Rishi

Farah Naz Rishi's freshman year of college was amazing in her eyes. She managed to move on from her last relationship and mom's marriage expectations, making her feel like she could do anything. She even stopped looking for love until Stephen came into view.

Neither of them feel butterflies at first, plus Farah knows there's no way Stephen would gain her mom's approval. But time gives way to a burning flame that becomes a solid bond because Stephen is there for all of Farah's ups and downs. He's become the one person she trusts with her all of her feelings and intimate moments in a platonic way.

But, sometimes love is hard to ignore when it's a slow burn that gives way to something that defies familial and societal rules.

Amazon

Drop Dead Sisters by Amelia Diane Coombs

Remi Finch doesn't get along with her family at all and knows there's nothing she has in common with her sisters. She has too many anxious thoughts in her mind that makes her keep everyone at arm's length. But, a family reunion convinces her to at least try. It all sounds great until someone dies where they've been camping.
The sisters develop an elaborate scheme to dispose of the body and eliminate the chance others will discover what happened. It's an odd way to start bonding, but sometimes traumatic things have a way of making people realize what's important.

Don't forget to check out Jenna Bush Hager's December book club pick after this!

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

I’ve triedtons of different food trends in my day. From dumping chili oil on ice cream to concocting my very own Sleepy Girl Mocktail, nothing I’ve eaten measures up to the sheer weirdness we saw go viral on social media this year (major side eye to Dua Lipa’s pickle Diet Coke).

These are the top 5 most ridiculous TikTok-viral food trends of 2024 that left us questioning whether they really should’ve gone viral in the first place.

@claudiaeatsgood chamoy pickles are so good😋😩❤️ @Bussin Snacks #chamoypickle#chamoy#chamoypicklekit#bussinsnacks#takis#fruitrollup#mukbang#asmr#asmrmukbang#chamoypicklemukbang#juicy#pickle#mexicancandy♬ original sound - Claudia💕

1. Chamoy Pickles

People couldn't quit it with the chamoy pickles (AKA chickles) this year. I never would've guessed that chamoy, a condiment made from dried fruits, chilies, sugar, and lime juice, would be slathered atop the sourest pickles money can buy.

But the food trend didn't stop at just chamoy – many snackers stuffed their pickles with everything from the likes of Hot Cheetos, Takis, and Fruit Roll-Ups. What?!

This insanely sour, tangy treat kickstarted what the internet's coined as the 'Red 40 Diet', which certainly cannot be medically advised.

If you care for your GI tract, this food trend is 100% worth skipping and leaving behind in 2024.

@dualipaofficial

What do we call her?

♬ original sound - Dua Lipa

2. Pickle + Jalapeño-Infused Diet Coke

Diet Coke, pickle juice, and jalapeño juice = all the ingredients needed to concoct Dua Lipa's controversial 2024 drink. She loves it, but I on the other hand, do not.

Now, don't get me wrong: I love a good unexpected flavor combo, but gulping down a simultaneous dose of both pickle juice and jalapeño juice was not tasty to me whatsoever.

This trend even sparked a slew of Sonic diners to start ordering their soft drinks with pickles – but as divisive as this trend can be ("Don’t knock it till you try it," TikToker Mississippi Memaw told Food and Wine), it's just flat out weird.

@logagm

New cucumber recipe 🚨

♬ original sound - Logan

3. Cucumber Salad

If you bought a mandolin slicer recently, you might as well admit you're a victim of the TikTok-viral cucumber salad trend that made its rounds this year.

"Sometimes you need to eat an entire cucumber," TikTok user @logagmsounds off in the intro of every single one of his cucumber salad videos. And thus, the food trend was born.

It felt like I couldn't go a day on TikTok without seeing at least 5 recipes for a damn cucumber salad. When it comes down to it, I can appreciate the novelty (and taste) of this trend, but not the oversaturation. I'm gonna eat an entire cucumber one day, and get so tired of it the next. New innovations in 2025, please!

@kylekruegerr Would you try these?😂 #foodreview#seagrapes#food#review#tastetest#weirdfood♬ original sound - Kyle Krueger

4. Sea Grapes

It was like people wanted to eat the weirdest, grossest things in 2024. I can't blame 'em, especially if it's for clicks and views. But this food trend in particular literally made me want to gag – and I was only watching people eat through a screen (any fellow ASMR fans out there?).

They don't look like they're supposed to be crunchy, but they are. Sea grapes grow from aquatic plants and are filled with essentially what is a "salty liquid." They burst in the mouth when you eat them (one TikToker called them 'edible Orbeez'). Yuck.

@julieta.asmr I figured it out!! Blooper at the end 🥴 #asmr#asmrcommunity#asmrtiktoks#asmrvideo#asmrsounds#asmreating#asmrfood#asmrfyp#asmrmukbang#mukbang#asmreatingsounds♬ original sound - Julieta ASMR 🍒

5. Exploding Candies

The final (and especially weird) food trend I propose we leave behind in 2024 is these dang exploding jelly candies. They also made their rounds on ASMR TikTok, and I truly cannot stand to watch a single video featuring them.

First off, they look so annoying to consume. The fruit-shaped jellies are contained in a thin layer of plastic that's meant to burst open when you sink your teeth into it, prompting you to slurp out the sweetness inside. But what irks me the most is the fact that many people trying them can't even break the seal.

I'd rather watch someone make a simple PB&J than go to town on these microplastic-infused candies.

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I've recently started sitting on my balcony in the morning to catch up on standout book club reads, and it's been so refreshing. Call me obsessive, but I just can't get enough of finding hidden gems that others — like Jenna Bush Hager — are reading. When she's not co-hosting TODAY with Hoda & Jenna, she's sharing her monthly book club picks on Read With Jenna and accompanying podcast!

Created by Hager in 2019, Read With Jenna features over 50 titles that Hager eagerly shares with other book lovers. She told The Today Show, "There's nothing like falling in love with a book," and I wholeheartedly agree. If you can't get enough of curating your own bookshelf, here are 32 standout reads from Jenna Bush Hager's book club.

December 2024

Amazon

Devotions: The Selected Poems of Mary Oliverby Mary Oliver

Jenna Bush Hager's December book club pick is a little different than what's been featured before because it focuses on the amazing poetry of Mary Oliver. With over 200 poems that eloquently capture Oliver's love for life, readers are sure to find ways to be in awe of the little things that are often taken for granted.
Of this pick, Jenna Bush Hager said it reminds her of the things that center her. "When life feels uncertain, I find comfort in a few things: stepping outside into nature, leaning into my faith, or picking up poetry. Mary Oliver’s poems, in particular, feel like a warm hug," (via Read With Jenna on Instagram).

November 2024

Amazon

This Motherless Landby Nikki May

Funke goes from enjoying a cozy life in Nigeria with her parents and brother to being jostled off to England, an unknown land she's never been to before. Upon her arrival, she recoils at the tragic state of where she'll be living and how different her interactions are with other family members. Yet, she and her cousin Liv find joy in each other.

This same joy follows them to the next phase of their lives until their bond is shattered given the revelation of their mother's former decisions. Individually, Funke and Liv find it difficult to live lives that are free from the pain of their family's past.

October 2024

Amazon

The Mighty Red by Louise Erdrich

Argus, North Dakota bears witness to the intertwined fates and lives of those attending a wedding. Gary Geist is faced with huge responsibilities, but also can't stop thinking about making Kismet Poe his wife. He's not the only one with eyes for her though. There's also Hugo and his resolve that Kismet belongs with him.
Kismet is gifted with visions like her mother Crystal who happens to help with the sugar beets of Gary's family farms. Somehow, each of them will have to make sense of the things they can see and what remains unknown in The Might Red.

September 2024

Amazon

Blue Sistersby Coco Mellors

Grief affects everyone differently, but it's never been painted so poignantly before. Blue Sisters introduces readers to the three Blue Sisters – Avery, Bonnie, and Lucky — as they try to piece together their lives after the death of their sister Nicky. From remnants of addiction to defeat in various forms, the sisters are forced to reconcile their emotions when more shocking news beckons them to return home.

August 2024

Amazon

The Wedding People by Alison Espach

Reading like the sister of Ally Condie's The Unwedding, The Wedding People centers around one woman's determination to make the most of time in Rhode Island.

Phoebe Stone's hit rock bottom without her husband, but hasn't given up on her dream of traveling to Newport, Rhode Island so she can unwind at Cornwall Inn. Coincidentally, her arrival doesn't cause a stir because it's assumed she's one of the many guests that'll be attending a lavish wedding.

She flies under the radar so much that she and the organized bride begin developing a bond that results in secrets being shared. But, Phoebe has a plan and no one will see it coming.

July 2024

Amazon

In a time where America is in the midst of political and social changes, a small town in Missouri is left shaken by the disappearance of girls. Despite the residents' fears, no one knows why this is happening nor do they know where to begin searching for the missing girls.

But, a young boy by the name of Patch decides to step up to the plate to return the daughter of a well-to-do family. Though the family seems to be grateful for her return, unrest begins bubbling underneath the town's surface.

As Patch and his family begin grappling with what it means to be a hero in society's eyes, they also realize that some things are merely a facade to hide darker truths.

June 2024

Swift River by Essie Chambers (June 4)

Prepare to be transported through time as you read one family's saga through the yes of the young Diamond Newberry.

She and her mom have relied on other people to drive them wherever they need to go since her Pop vanished without any indication of where he could be. Everyone in town knows who Diamond is and they often subject her to harsh bullying. It's something she wishes would change, but the only thing she can foresee is her mother's sheer determination to move on with their lives.

That sounds great, but Diamond's suddenly left with more answers when she learns about more of the women in the Newberry family. She even learns more information about her Pop that paint a much larger picture than she originally saw. What this does is creates a strong tether that helps Diamond start finding her place in the very world that's sought to mistreat her.

But, how much of Diamond's life will be forever changed the more she learned?

May 2024

Real Americans by Rachel Khong

Real Americans is a beautiful story about identity, class, and more in America. It begins with Lily Chen falling in love with Matthew despite their different backgrounds. She's dealing with being an unpaid intern who's the child of someone who escaped Mao's Cultural Revolution while Matthew is the heir of a successful pharmaceutical company. Nevertheless, they somehow manage to fit together.

But, something happens in between the time they fall in love and the moment Lily's son Nick realizes his mom seems to be keeping something from him. She's never talked about his father and this has only piqued his curiosity even more.

The more he tries to find answers about his dad, the more Nick realizes there's not always a clear path to the past.

April 2024

The Husbands by Holly Gramazio

What if you came home from work one day to discover you're married to a stranger and everyone knows but you? That's exactly what happens to Lauren and it confuses her because she's sure she'd remember getting married. Not only that, but she's apparently been married for a while. Everyone in her life knows and the life around her shows evidence that her marriage isn't a fluke. So why can't she remember it?

The answer to her question lies in the mysterious act that occurs in the attic. For some reason, it's become a place where she 'receives' new husbands and a brand new lifestyle. She starts to enjoy the newness of living different lives, but eventually she wonders if it's possible to find happiness in one of the realities she's being afforded.

March 2024

The Great Divide by Cristina Henríquez

Debuting tomorrow, The Great Divide is a tale about the intersection of lives, compassion, and dedication. Set in Panama, the novel allows readers to form an intimate relationship with Omar, Ada Bunting, and John Oswald as they navigate circumstances that bring them together.

Despite his father's disdain for a new canal that's been commissioned to be built, Omar finds himself among one of the workers tasked with paving the way for it to exist. It's backbreaking work that takes a toll on him, but his weariness is comforted by Ada. Having seen firsthand how Ada cares for those who are fragile or sick, scientist John Oswald immediately enlists her help due to his wife being sick.

The Great Divide sweeps you into it's compassionate arms and has an ending that'll surely make your heart swell.

The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros

To celebrate it's 40th anniversary, Jenna Bush Hager's book club has named The House on Mango Street as it's second pick for March! It's about Esperanza Cordero's desire to define who she is outside of what her Spanish culture has chosen for her. There's moments of sheer bliss that make heart-wrenching recollections easier to stomach, but Esperanza always finds a way to embrace how these things make her who she is.

February 2024

Good Material

Good Material is the new coming-of-age novel for adults who are still trying to figure out if they're adulting properly and revolves a series of events that makes main character Andy feel like he's down on his luck. From watching the breakdown of his longterm relationship to feeling like he's not growing as a comedian, it's clear that Andy is ready to do whatever it takes to become better in the love and career departments. But, is he truly ready to learn his life's lessons and will he be prepared for what happens next?

January 2024

The Waters

Trigger Warning: This novel contains graphic mention of animal cruelty.
The Waters is a gripping tale that involves Hermine "Herself" Zook's unmistakable way of healing others in Whiteheart, Michigan. However, she doesn't have the best relationship with her daughters and this makes for a complicated life when her granddaughter, Dorothy "Donkey" Zook" is left in her care.

Despite Donkey's desire to run free in Whiteheart, her family's past threatens to disrupt that and then some. Will she be able to understand what's threatening the community around her or history repeat itself? Find out when the book releases January 9, 2024.

December 2023

We Must Not Think of Ourselves

#ReadWithJenna announced its December pick yesterday and it's a historical novel that's sure to tug at your heartstrings. We Must Not Think of Ourselves follows Adam Paskow's journey as a Jew held captive by the Nazis. He later finds himself working alongside others who are committed to immortalizing history as it unfolds around them. Not without flaws, Adam unintentionally falls in love with Sala Wiskoff despite the latter being a married mother. This thrusts him into a world filled with complicated choices fueled by the need to survive and love.

Will his choices hinder those he's agreed to help or will he prove that taking risks is necessary for history to move forward? Pick up a copy of We Must Not Think of Ourselves to find out!

November 2023

The Sun Sets in Singapore

To help ring in a new month, Jenna Bush Hager's book club announced its November pick earlier today. Available for purchase tomorrow, The Sun Sets in Singapore introduces us to three women whose paths seem different at first glance. However, each of them have something that's lurking behind initial assumptions. As Dara, Amaka and Lillian find themselves 'lost' in Singapore's paradise, they begin to realize there is a such thing as too much tranquility - especially if it's disguised to hide life-altering truths. Will they be able to confront what they've escaped from or will it continue to follow them like shadows on a summer day?

October 2023

How To Say Babylon

Jenna Bush Hager's October pick is a tale of what happens when toxic traditional views begin to threaten a family's foundation. Young Safiya Sinclair must come to grips with her father's authoritative reign over her family, especially when she realizes her mother's only act of rebellion is making sure her daughters are educated. It's something that Sinclair allows to open her mind and set her free from her father's views.

A Woman Is No Man

Let your curiosity and assumptions about this book's cover introduce you to the journey of Deya. While she has her sights set on going to college and chasing her dreams, her strict grandmother is only concerned about Deya becoming someone's wife. Tradition seems to rule her life, and it's the last thing Deya wants. A random turn of events grants her wish and takes her on a journey of self-discovery where she learns what it means to be a woman whose voice is not only heard, but also respected.

Searching For Sylvie Lee

Families can carry hidden secrets that threaten to undo everything one knows once they begin searching for the truth. And this is exactly what happens when Amy rushes to find out what happened to her older sister Sylvie after her disappearance. With her confidence growing as she draws nearer to the truth, Amy is faced with the difficult task of seeing her family without rose-colored glasses and has to decide what that means for them as well as her.

Nothing to See Here

When Lillian drifts apart from her roommate and eventual friend Madison, she thinks nothing of it. That is until Madison begs her to help her caring for her stepchildren whose irritation manifests as fire. Over time Lillian is able to develop a beautiful relationship with the twins and learns the depths of her love are limitless.

The Girl With The Louding Voice

As she grows up in Nigeria, Adunni longs for a future that looks different from what she's always known. She goes to great lengths to figure out how to do so and this takes her down a path filled with sorrow and faith.

Valentine

When Mary Rose Whitehead finds young Gloria Ramirez on her doorstep, she quickly realizes a vicious act of brutality happened. Unfortunately, justice isn't swift and this leads Whitehead to take matters into her own hand.

A Burning

A Burning takes readers on a tale that intertwines the lives of three different people. Beginning with the public smear campaign of Jivan, readers are then introduced to a gym teacher whose ambitions cloud his judgment and a sweet, yet misunderstood soul who works to clear Jivan's name.

Friends and Strangers

Friends and Strangers follows Elisabeth and Sam as they navigate what it means to show up in the different seasons of their lives. They somehow form an unlikely friendship that's quickly threatened and leads to things that are hard to come back from.

Leaving The World Behind

When Amanda and Clay decide to take a breather from city life with their teenagers, they initially feel they're in for peace and quiet at the rural location they've chosen. Unfortunately for them, the owners of the home they're renting arrive in the middle of the night. It's a tale of wariness that spills over and it's up to the reader to decide if it's warranted or not.

White Ivy

People aren't always what they seem, and Ivy Lin is a prime example of this. She learns how to steal from her grandmother, and she doesn't stop until her mother decides enough is enough. After being sent to China, Ivy grows to become trustworthy and evens bumps into her former crush's sister. But, her past begins to haunt her and she finds out that some things are hard to forget.

What's Mine And Yours

Gee and Noelle's worlds collide when integration brings them together. Behind the scenes we find that their mothers — both with strong opposing views — are doing what they feel is best to prepare their children for a life in America. Each has their own reasoning even if it threatens to erase who their children truly are.

Good Company

Flora Mancini is forced to question the life she and her husband have built when she discovers he didn't actually lose his wedding ring years ago. It's enough to make anyone go mad, but she somehow works to piece together the puzzle to discover the truth and decide how to move forward.

Malibu Rising

Things reach a fever pitch in this tale about family secrets and longing. Each of the Riva siblings have their own ghosts and anticipation to look forward to as their famous summer party draws near. It's only a matter of time before things bubbling underneath the surface burst in front of everyone.

Hell of a Book

Hell of a Book is about an author who's being followed by an imaginary child and a Black boy named Soot. As the past and present collide, Hell of a Book somehow lives up to its name in a reckoning tale.

Bright Burning Things

Bright Burning Things sheds light on a former entertainers love for her son and struggle to part ways with drinking. It's a tale that's familiar to those who have parents who struggle with alcoholism and the pain it often inflicts.

Black Cake

With their mother's cryptic message and a family-long recipe involving black cake looming between them, brothers Byron and Benny must work together to learn more about her history. They also have to find a way to repair their relationship before everything that still ties them together is lost forever. Be sure to read Black Cake before it comes out on Hulu this November!

Remarkably Bright Creatures

Tova Sullivan has suffered two great tragedies in life — the death of her husband and her son's unsolved disappearance. When she befriends an octopus named Marcellus, he becomes determine to help her understand what happened to her son before evidence is completely lost at sea.

Check Out More Titles From Jenna Bush Hager's Book Club:

Images via Amazon

Which books are you adding to end-of-year reading list? Let us know in the comments and follow our Amazon Storefront for more of must read picks!
Brit + Co. may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.
Lead image via Read With Jenna/Instagram
This post has been updated.

First loves are TOUGH — especially when you start to see all the red flags you missed along the way once it's over. If you've been dissecting your own early love stories by reading Reddit threads or chatting with your girlfriends about their own relationship experiences, just know this: you're not alone! The entire Brit + Co staff even found ourselves discussing the first person we ever fell in love with...and the recounts did not disappoint. From realizing 19 seemed to be a common age for our all-time worst relationships to understanding how our first love was probably not as ideal as we originally thought, it made us wonder why we couldn't pinpoint red flags back then.

Licensed Psychotherapist Prerna Menon, founder of Boundless, LCSW-PLLC and Licensed marriage and family therapist Joseph Cavins, LMFT have a few thoughts that have helped us decode the precarious time in our lives.

Here's why some of us ignored how awful our first love might've been

1. We thought our first love was perfect and would argue with anyone who wanted us to take things slow with them.

Savannah Dematteo

I'll never forget the first time I fell in love at 19. I thought my ex was the "wind beneath my wings" because he had a great sense of humor and was creative like me. I told myself he was the person I was going to marry so I was offended when my parents didn't think he was mature enough to be in a serious relationship. If this sounds familiar, pull up a chair because Menon explains why we tend to idealize our first love.

"Your first love is your first experience with romantic love too, hence you typically see it with rose-colored glasses. The overwhelming emotion is often infatuation, which tends to overshadow the more critical and analytical part of our brain," she says. Sadly, this sounds like something my parents told me before but I couldn't fathom how true it was as a teen.

As the Clinical Director at Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center, Cavins has seen this play out before too. He says, "In your first relationship, there is a tendency to put your partner on a pedestal. The excitement of new love can create a powerful emotional fog that makes it hard to see flaws clearly."

Essentially, this "excitement of having a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner supersedes" our ability to questions things we normally wouldn't put up with, according to Menon.

2. We tried to ignore the how many times our first loves disagreed with our values or goals.

Keira Burton

While some couples are able to make their relationship work despite having a different outlook on life, sometimes it can be a sign that things aren't going to work long-term. Cavins says, "One major red flag is disregarding differences in values or goals for the future. For instance, you wish to become a parent someday while your spouse swears this will never happen— or vice versa. Early on, you might dismiss these differences, believing love will conquer all. However, these mismatched priorities can lead to resentment and challenges over time."

Honestly, I probably should've ran whenever my ex would mock my belief in God only for us to have to attend his mother and stepfather's church whenever I visited. There was so much confusion there, but I tried to dismiss it as something he needed time to work out.

Menon adds, "If this relationship makes you feel like you'e standing in quick sand - where you are trying to move forward but often feel held back in your individual aspirations, it may not be the right fit for you."

3. We thought it was 'cute' when our first loves made suggestions about which friends to avoid or what clothes to wear.

Luis Zambrano

Cavins says, "Excessively possessive behaviors are another red flag that people often ignore easily when they fall in love for the first time. People tend to justify such behaviors by citing that it's due to love or protective instincts." I'm all for being in a relationship where your partner's able to see different sides of a picture, but controlling behavior shouldn't come with that. What might that look like?

Cavins says, "Your partner may frequently check in on you, offer opinions on who you should spend time with, or subtly pressure you into making choices that suit them." For example, your partner could start off making suggestions about your style that slowly morph into them controlling everything you wear. Somehow I went from being a self-professed 'girly-girl' to trying to emulate the style of 'sneakerheads' in a short amount of time. Though I love wearing everything from New Balance to Niké sneakers now, it's in a way that feels cohesive with my style.

You may have brushed this kind of behavior off because, again, you thought it meant your first love wanted the best for you. "It is understandable that such behavior hypothetically may come off as pleasant or affirming; however, they often signal an unhealthy dynamic of control rather than mutual respect," says

4. We always gave in when our first loves forced us to be affectionate.

Adely

*Sigh* I'm shaking my head for my younger self because there were many times I didn't advocate for myself in my first romantic relationship. I'd often give in to affectionate or intimate moments despite wanting personal space so I wouldn't be seen as 'boring' or uninterested in my ex. Menon says, "Given the infatuation, your first relationship can feel all-consuming and often is codependent. Hence, this may result in you overlooking that your partner does not respect your boundaries or desire for personal space."

Partly because the excitement of the relationship makes you want to spend all of your time together, until you don't. And then, it is often too late to correct a maladaptive historical pattern.

4. We always made excuses for why our partners would shower us with affection only to ignore us days later.

Pavel Danilyuk

Let's be clear, 'love bombing' feels confusing and awful. No one should make you feel like you're the center of their universe only to ignore your calls or texts days later. But, this probably happened while you were with your first love. Cavins says, "There's a tendency for people to brush off their first love's emotional unavailability. When, for example, a partner is not responsive and not engaging in intimate discussions or does not express their feelings, some may rationalize this as them being 'just not ready.'" If that were the case, this person wouldn't have made you feel like being with you is something they truly wanted.

Of that, Cavins believes "it's important to recognize these behaviors early" because "they can result in a one-side emotional investment that leaves one party feeling unfulfilled in the long run." Sadly, my first love would have days where he was super sweet to me only to feel like I was smothering him with attention. This is also the same person who begged me to remain in our romantic relationship when he went to basic training although I felt it would be better if we chose to be friends. Imagine my surprise (and hurt) when he told me we should have an open relationship months after getting stationed for the first time.

I should've known better because he was never 100% on board with the idea of marriage until after he graduated from basic training. Cavins calls this "emotional disconnectedness." His further explanation is this is "when the initial chemistry between the partners subsides that emotional attachment matters." To avoid this, he feels "identifying and addressing any of these is critical in a case where you are looking to create a strong and healthy bond."

5. We ignored the ways our former partner blamed us whenever they got in trouble with their parents or an authority figure.

Ketut Subiyanto

Did your first love have a hard time taking responsibility for things that went wrong by gaslighting you to absorb the blow of their mistakes? If you've furiously nodding, we should start a support group. Cavins says, "A key sign is a lack of personal or relational growth. Healthy relationships encourage mutual development, but if one partner stays stuck in old patterns while the other grows, it can create frustration and distance."

At no point should you be the reason why your first love got in trouble after answering their parents' house phone late at night after telling you to call at a certain time. It's situations like this that should've alerted us to awful behavior, but I can see how easy it is to dismiss things.

What if I'm in love for the first time and recognize these signs?

Andrea Piacquadio

First, my heart goes out to you for being in a relationship that doesn't feel healthy. It hurts when we realize the person we thought was so great is anything but. The road to letting go of idealization may be long, but you can and will get better. Cavins says, "In the process of self-healing and recovery, the first step that must be taken is self-reflection. Ask yourself all of the necessary questions that arise, such as what this relationship means for you, what your boundaries are, and what this partnership has revealed about you as an individual."

I keep saying this, but relying on journal prompts can help you unpack a lot of things and, thankfully, Cavins agrees. He says, "You could always opt to talk to a specialist or being journaling in order to find some closure and draw meaning from the experience." Also, he wants you to start "making new memories." But, don't be passive about it.

"You will have to engage yourself in activities that will help redirect the focus of your thoughts. This could include joining a new class, engaging in a hobby, or traveling that involves some independence. These experiences can help shift your mindset from loss to growth and reinforce your identity outside of the relationship," says Cavins.

Another important thing you can do is "solicit help from others," according to him. "Calling on people you trust, like friends and family, to talk about these feelings can significantly help in healing," he says. This also helped me navigate life outside of my first real romantic relationship, reminding me that I still had a lot of love in my life that didn't begin or end with my ex.

Here are Menon's tips:

  • Let yourself grieve — Let this loss run its course. If you need to feel angry, sad, distraught, nostalgic. Allow yourself the full breadth of this experience. If I ask you right now "don't think a out a yellow monkey", I can bet you just thought of a yellow monkey. We call this "the imp of the mind". When you reject feelings, or thoughts, they come back 10 times more fiercely. To move the feeling along, we must let ourselves experience it.
  • Rediscover your identity (So important) — Your first love is often intertwined with self-discovery, and identity formation. Reconsider your goals, interests, values, friendships and hobbies and try to build your own sense of identity and individuality.

Anastasia Nagibina

I saw my first love again and it feels like we're falling in love all over. Can we have a happy and healthy relationship?

I'm not going to tell you to run even though I told my ex I never wanted to speak or talk to him again. You could easily reconnect with the first person you fell in love with and realize that you're both in a place where you can have something beautiful. However, Cavins and Menon want you to be mindful if you're in this position.

"Reconnection is possible," begins Menon, "if both parties can objectively claim that they have grown emotionally and resolved the issues that held their relationship back." But, "if the reconnection is built on one person growing and the other not, it is likely to fail," she alerts. You'll need to "proceed with caution," she says because "your first love was a nostalgic era in your life that can cloud your judgement." To put it more clearly, she doesn't want you confuse "the fuzzies" with a "true knowing that the two of you can make it work."

Cavins says, "Reconnecting with a first love can trigger a strong wave of emotions, but it is important that such a decision is made with caution and a strong sense of pragmatism. Personal growth is a primary factor. Each party in the relationship must ask themselves how they have grown and evolved as individuals over time. If past patterns of conflict, immaturity, or unhealthy dynamics remain unaddressed, the same issues could resurface."

He wants you to consider these things:

  • Are there any active relationships or past engagements that would make it rather difficult? That's because the feelings that come with reigniting old flames are very strong and can alter a person’s life, making it essential to start thinking from all angles before going ahead with it.
  • Address previous challenges that caused the breakup in the first place. If the reasons behind the breakup have been resolved or do not exist anymore, then yes, meeting again has its prospects. However, keep in mind that, at times, memories can be selective and unfavorably distort the truth by overplaying the good qualities while avoiding the negative ones.
  • Only rekindle things if both individuals are in a healthy emotional state and the decision is grounded in practical, mutual considerations—not just sentimentality or romanticized memories. Clear and honest discussions and an understanding of purpose are vital in ascertaining if rekindling the relationship will be worthwhile for both parties or if it will simply be an act of revisiting unresolved emotions.

Menon's final piece of advice is similar in that she encourages you to be "self-critical, self-aware, and self-nourishing." She doesn't want you to be afraid to be "clear and transparent about your expectations for the relationship" either. Though we weren't a fan of the outcomes of our first real romantic relationships, they've made us wiser. So, shout out to our first loves for being the worst because they've become our best learning lessons.

That's not all! We have even more helpful articles about relationships & family if you're looking for everything from celebrity couples to navigating hard conversations during the holidays.

No matter how many times I rewatch The Vampire Diaries, there's nothing like seeing a cast reunion — and the weekend of December 6, we finally got to see our three favorite Mystic Falls gals together again! Nina Dobrev, Kat Graham, and Candice King were just some of The Vampire Diaries cast members who reunited for Epic Con to chat all things Elena, Bonnie, and Caroline...but things took a turn in the middle of the interview when one of the backdrops almost fell on Nina!

Keep reading to see what happened during The Vampire Diaries cast reunion with Nina Dobrev, Kat Graham, and Candice King.

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Even after all these years, Bonnie and Caroline are still saving Elena #tvd #thevampirediaries #ninadobrev #candiceking #katgraham #elanagilbert #carolineforbes #bonniebennett #epiccons

As someone who's done plenty of interviews myself, I know how fast a situation can spiral — and this interview accident is crazy. While talking on stage about the show, one of the backdrops begins to lean forward, and right before it falls on top of Nina, Candice and Kat quickly move to push it in the opposite direction.

"I don't want to see any 'Bonnie saves the day' memes," Kat jokes, referencing the fandom's love for Bonnie consistently helping the group throughout the show's eight-season run. "I don't want to see it, I don't want to hear it!" You can also see a relieved Nina hug Candice before revealing she thought it was a spider!

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In addition to this "Bonnie saves the day" moment (sorry, Kat, I couldn't help it!), the internet went crazy when Nina posted a video of her, Candice, and Kat recreating a photo they took during season 1 — especially after rumors have circulated for years that Kat Graham was mistreated on The Vampire Diaries set.

While these rumors have never been outright confirmed, fans have paid very special attention to what Kat has said...especially when she confirmedshe was the lowest-paid cast member and cried over her natural hair after revealing she wasn't really allowed to have an afro while filming.

"Love you girls so much!!!!!! 🥹❤️❤️❤️❤️" Kat commented on Nina's post, while a fan added, "And now the rumors can definitely be ended 🫶🏼❤️." These women are so powerful and clearly love each other so much, and I will take any and every cast reunion we can get!

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When Brit + Co caught up with Ian Somerhalder, he also expressed how much he loved filming The Vampire Diaries. "Every single day it was a laugh," he says. "I mean we had to be serious, you're running from ghosts and vampires and stuff, and you know, someone makes a fart joke and a 130 people erupt in laughter, there's only so much you can run for your life."

And thank goodness, Ian confirms just how much fun the cast had! "We laughed, that's how we kept each other sane," he says. "I spent 8 years on the show and now it's [been] 15 years. It's my longest relationship."

"I cannot believe it's been 15 years," he continues. "And so everyone who's seen the show, watched the show, supported us — and me — in any way, shape, and form regarding the show, I thank you from the bottom of my heart."

What would your dream The Vampire Diaries reunion look like? Let us know on Facebook!