Financial Expert Nicole Lapin Teaches Brit About Making Money

1. Choose your battles ahead of time.

You're not going to change everyone's opinion about all of the things over the course of a meal and a football game. You might want to show up ready for a duel of words with your Facebook-meme-king cousin, but that's just going to put your opinionated family member on the offensive from the moment you walk in. Decide ahead of time if there's one issue that you really cannot keep your mouth shut about if it comes up, and have two or three talking points ready that clarify your position on that topic. If your hot button does get pushed, your talking points will help you keep from making things personal.

2. Confer with the host.

If you feel comfortable with the person that's organizing or hosting Thanksgiving, speak to him or her in advance about how you can be on Team Keep the Peace. Most people aren't keen on a political brouhaha breaking out around their dinner table, so they'll probably be relieved to hear that you're on board and willing to help make the day go smoothly for everyone. Brainstorm some ideas about seating arrangements or wholesome activities to fill the idle family time that can lead to trading barbs.

3. Make it a game.

Caitlin Bergstein, a Boston-based matchmaker and relationship expert for Three Day Rule, suggests a fun twist on the swear jar concept. “If your family is up for the challenge, you can even make it a game. Each time someone mentions something political, they have to put a dollar in a jar (or take a drink, depending on how your family celebrates the holiday). At the end of the night, that cash can be put aside for the next family get together!"

4. Have a moment of silence.

Sometimes the idea of a quiet table can be intimidating (all those chewing noises!), but encouraging a moment of reflection among your holiday guests can actually be transformative. Whether you observe several seconds of silence in honor of relatives you've lost, as a way to silently acknowledge your individual blessings, or as an act of prayer or meditation, you've hopefully brought the room back to focus on each other's company and the gift that it is to be together.

5. Be an active listener.

If your one doggedlypersistent aunt can't let go of her obsession with the latest political scandal, reconsider what she's actually trying to tell you. Chances are, it's not just about what she saw on the news. “Assume that your polarizing relative actually probably just wants to connect, feel respected, and reduce their own anxiety about holiday gatherings, and interpret even difficult behavior as such," advises Mary Fisher, a Salt Lake City psychotherapist who specializes in family relationships. “Express the desire to connect while redirecting the conversation," Fisher recommends. Emphasize the fact that you're interested in protecting the time your family spends together. That can help soften the blow when you ask to instead hear them share a family memory or talk about a hobby you both share.

6. Disengage.

Remember that if angry words or offensive language start flying at you across the sweet potato pie, you don't have to respond. Have a script in mind to use, something like, “While I hear where you're coming from, I don't share your opinion, and I'm done talking about it today." Convey the message that you're quite clear on the matter being discussed, and you're not going to take the bait. You may have to repeat yourself several times, or you may choose to remain silent until things cool down around you. Either one is okay.

7. Duck out early.

If you feel like you have to retreat from the situation entirely, do it. One of the best things about being an adult is leaving when you want to leave. You don't have to subject yourself, your spouse, or your family to any kind of dialogue that is insulting, bigoted, or aggressive. Fisher shares these words of advice: “While we might think that the holidays are the time to resolve differences, they are actually the time to affirm and nurture connection, which can be an uphill battle with politically polarizing relatives." If you don't feel like a connection is being nurtured and the environment is not good for you to be in, say goodbye and make a break for it.

7 Times You Should Never Send A Venmo Request

1. You don't always have to Venmo request someone for their coffee. Gasp!

I can't believe we're living in the land of $9 lattes, so I totally understand not being able to cover the tab every single time you meet a friend at a coffee shop. But if you haven't seen a friend in a long time, or, dare I say, you know they're struggling (whether it be emotionally or financially), cover the bill y'all! And if someone has opened their home to you? A coffee is the perfect thank you.

2. Don't ask to be paid back for small, generous favors.

Getting into the weeds of every little penny will turn any enjoyable activity into a nightmare. "I had a college friend who would Venmo request every person in the car for gas money when we would drive to the grocery store," one anonymous Brit + Co reader says. "Like girl, don’t offer to drive 15 minutes then."

A Reddit user also points out that asking to be paid back for a cheap favor can come off as rude. "$10 is less than 1 hour minimum wage," they says. "$30 maybe. $50 absolutely. If this became a habit, then sure. But you don't see each other regularly."

3. Don't send a Venmo request if you're helping someone who's sick.

If you've offered to help out a sick friend who can barely get out of bed, it's probably not appropriate to charge them for things like medicine, water bottles, and soup.

4. Definitely don't ask for money if you offered to cover the cost in the first place.

When I went to a movie and a friend offered to cover my soda? So kind! When they texted me the next day to ask I send them money? I was a little taken aback. I didn't mind paying for my own drink, of course, but I would have also appreciated some clearer communication...

5. Maybe don't send a Venmo charge if your friend is being generous in other areas.

I have to admit that I never realized how expensive it is to host friends. Well, one Reddit user explains that when they hosted some friends, and offered them food, one guest ended up sending a charge to cover just a couple of dollars.

"This is after I hosted her and was very generous with my time, home, and food," they say. "Charging me for crappy cheap grocery store muffins and a soda just feels like a slap in my face."

6. Do NOT send a Venmo request just to be passive aggressive.

Just like the idea that "it's only weird if you make it weird," relationships can get messy if you let them. Case in point: money situations aren't the time to be passive aggressive.

"I once quit my job at the college coffee shop to help open a local cafe and my former boss at the college...made me feel so bad for taking the new job, like I was betraying everyone," says photographer Brittany Melissa. "He randomly sent me a Venmo request charging me $1 for emotional stress. I cried. I ended up paying it and told him it upset me and then he sent a Venmo paying me $1.50 'for causing you emotional distress.'"

7. And you shouldn't send a Venmo request if you're just avoiding confrontation.

Friendship really is all about communication, and when you find yourself splitting a bill, make it clearer for everyone and actually discuss who's paying what.

"I’ve had friends in the past Venmo request me for food or for when we go out rather than messaging me & I feel like as a friend & someone I know & when dealing with money, it’s kinder to ask for the money rather than Venmo requesting," Brit + Co reader AspenGrace Ricks says. "When requesting on Venmo, it feels like there is more of an obligation to do it."

3 Times Venmo Requests Are Totally Appropriate

1. It's okay to send a Venmo request when you have communal living needs.

If you live with friends, there's no way to avoid the fact you'll be using some of the same products (unless you buy two of everything). My roommate and I go back and forth on things like toilet paper and paper towels, but when it comes to items like the folding table we just ordered for Thanksgiving — yeah girl, send that Venmo request.

2. Feel free to send a request if you're running their errands.

Listen, as someone who's in a very happy relationship with my Instacart, I understand not having time to grocery shop. But (unless you find yourself in the aforementioned "small, generous favors" situation) if you're already at the store and a friend asked you to pick up a few things just because they're short on time, I think it's totally okay to ask for them to chip in.

But if you want to give them the favor out of the kindness of your heart and cover the cost? It'll make their day!

3. Going on a roadtrip means splitting roadtrip travel essentials.

I know the internet can have some differing opinions on what "essentials" mean, but I'm talking, like, the cost of a rental car. If your friend group is splitting the ride, then everyone should absolutely split the cost. And if you ask me, the same goes for gas money!

4. Send a Venmo request if your bill had to be on one credit card.

We've probably all been there: your 6-person bill arrives to the table (where you were all very respectful and kind to your waiter RIGHT?!) and no one wants to pick up the tab. If you end up swooping in to save the day, and you've all agreed to pay your own way, take a picture of the receipt and send those Venmo requests. Dinner ain't cheap!

1. Color Can Work In Your Favor

The colors you wear and use in your home are energetically connected to you and your own personal qi, or what is defined as your lifeforce energy. Black, navy and charcoal with a mix of whites and grays were particularly good colors for my zodiac animal (the rat), which is funny because my home is predominantly those colors.

While every zodiac animal has favorable colors, Cho and Morris discovered a combo of two colors to be the best colors for everyone in the Year of the Snake. "We think a vermillion persimmon color, a really fiery color that's connected to the wood snake, will be the best color for everyone for the Year of the Snake," says Cho. I happen to love this Persimmon Birds wallpaper by Nathan Turner and both Cho and Morris encouraged me to bring in this complementary color to all my blues and neutrals.

Of course, this doesn't mean you have to paint your space an orange or fiery red or buy a pricey sofa in that color. Maybe you always use a pen or notebook in that color or wear something in the vermillion persimmon family and start to notice how it makes you feel this year.

2. Crystals Can Impact Your Goals

Apparently, I have a lot of water in my Chinese zodiac, which can mean I’m very creative and intuitive. The crystal that's connected to all that water is labradorite, which has a bluish, watery quality to it. It’s also said to be supportive of wisdom and intellect. "Water is considered an element with a lot of depth," says Cho. "When you think about the ocean, there's so much life happening underneath. Water is really a connector, a communicator, and with a lot of depth of wisdom." That's the kind of energy I'm cultivating? I'll take it!

3. Know Your Bagua

Bagua in feng shui is like a grid or a mandala that you can overlay on your home. It can reveal obstacles and patterns in your home that you might want to unlock or rearrange. You place this grid over your bed or starting at your entry and it shows things like Abundance, Wisdom, Growth, etc. Morris and Cho overlayed the bagua over my bed and shared where I can place the labradorite to activate my career, communication and connection this year.

Mindful Living offers five floor plans to teach you how to read your mandala's home layout.

4. Plants Can Enhance Your Qi

Plant choice and placement can impact your home's qi too. For example, jade succulents are best placed in your Wisdom bagua area while the snake plant, which cuts through negative energy and signifies strength, is best placed in your Alignment area.

5. Timing Is Everything

There are auspicious hours/days/months and more challenging hours/days/months in the lunar new year. My best months are January, April, and August, while my challenging months are June and July. My best hours are 7AM to 9:00 AM to 3PM to 5:00 PM and 1AM to 3:00 AM, as well as a slew of days where I can make sure to align with important meetings, or plan an event, or even talk to someone about a difficult topic. I can be strategic with this time.

"My most challenging months are always the months that I overwork and I'm totally burnt out," says Cho. "So I look ahead and I definitely say no to the things that aren't the most important in those months."

Turns out, January 8th is a really great day for zodiac rats, so I'll be putting my labradorite stone underneath my bed then with the intention that I'm bringing in more wisdom, more resources, more support for my career and for my communication and connecting to others.

This is where your zodiac animal plays a part too. “Snakes have this magnetism and this charm and there's an attractive quality about them, but they're also really wise and thoughtful and clever, and that's actually a good thing for the rat,” says Morris. Those born in the year of the Tiger and Pig may find the 2025 lunar year more challenging, but that doesn't mean it's going to be a terrible year. (My challenging year is coming up in 2026, the Year of the Horse).

"It's not the year to push yourself," adds Cho. "It's the year to take care of yourself. It's the year to say no when you're going to be stretched thin. And it also reminds us you can't have your left side of your body without your right side of your body. There's a natural shift to things, and it reminds us there's times to be quieter. There's times to be more internal, and there's times where we'll have more challenges, but with the greatest challenge also comes the greatest rewards."

Mindful Living: A Guide to the Everyday Magic of Feng Shui

Learn more about your monthly forecast for 2025 and mindful rituals to get you through the year in peace and harmony in Mindful Living: A Guide to the Everyday Magic of Feng Shui!