18 Hotels Perfect for a Nostalgic BFF Slumber Party

The FIRO framework looks at three different types of interpersonal needs:

• Inclusion, our need to belong. How much do you need to be part of a group? How much do you want to be included by other people in their groups, and how much do you want to include others in your group?
• Control, our need for influence. How much to you need to have clear direction and structure in your relationships, both on a one-to-one level and in groups
• Affection, our need for intimacy. How important is it for you to have close personal relationships with other people at a one-to-one level?

The FIRO looks at two different aspects for each of these areas. First, how much of that need is expressed to others, how much of that behavior we initiate to others. For Inclusion, for example, how much do we try to include other people in our activities – your FIRO Expressed Inclusion score. It also looks at how much we want from others.

• For Inclusion: How much do we need other people to include us in their group and involve us in their activities? Wanted Inclusion.
• For Control: The extent to which we try to influence and control others, and how much we want to be in an environment that provides us with structure and clarity. Expressed Control and Wanted Control.
• For Affection: How much we try to be warm and friendly to others, and how much we want others to be warm and friendly to us. Expressed and Wanted Affection.

That gives scores; Expressed and Wanted Inclusion,Expressed and Wanted Control,Expressed and Wanted Affection. And we can have a high, medium, or low score for each of these six areas.

So how can this explain why someone might be misunderstood? Well, this can happen when someone’s expressed and wanted scores are different. Let’s look at an example. Joe has high Expressed Inclusion, but low Wanted Inclusion. He wants to involve lots of people in his activities but doesn’t want them to include him in their activities. He’s likely seen by others as outgoing and sociable, but he also has a real need for privacy.

Because people see his high Expressed Inclusion, his friends are likely to invite or include him more than he wants to be, and he’ll refuse some of those invitations – which might leave them feeling hurt or otherwise harm the friendship. But knowing his FIRO profile will give Joe the language to describe his behavior and keep the friendship alive.

Of course, our interpersonal needs involve other people too. Let’s look at Joe alongside his friend Joan. Joe has high Expressed Inclusion and low Wanted Inclusion. Joan has low Expressed Inclusion and high Wanted Inclusion. This might make for a good relationship. Joe wants to include Joan (high Expressed Inclusion), and she wants to be included (high Wanted Inclusion). Joan doesn’t much want to include other people in her activities (low Expressed Inclusion), and that’s fine with Joe, who doesn’t much want to be included (low Wanted Inclusion).

However, things might be a little different on Affection. Joe has high Expressed Affection and high Wanted Affection. Joan is low on both. Joe wants to be warm and friendly with Joan, to get a connection, but Joan, with low Wanted Affection, doesn’t want that. And Joe is looking for warm and friendly behavior from Joan, which she probably doesn’t want to express. This may be an area where understanding their FIRO results helps them to understand why their relationship may sometimes be strained, and gives them the knowledge they need to make that relationship work.

So take a moment to think about your relationships, your friendships. Are there places where your best friend doesn’t seem to understand you, or you them? Are there times when they don’t quite seem to give you what you need, or vice versa? Maybe understanding your interpersonal needs, or knowing your FIRO profile, could help.

What are your hobbies?

My favorite thing to do when talking to a new friend is to ask them how they spend their time. Because while school and work can have elements of responsibility or obligation, hobbies are pure fun! This is a good question to open your small talk with because it'll help you both loosen up and think about something you love to do. Plus, if you end up learning you share a hobby, you have even more to talk about! (As I discovered during my conversation with author Yulin Kuang!)

What's your favorite way to unwind?

If you want your conversation to feel more relaxed, well, ask about relaxation! Whether your new friend does yoga, they spend a half hour doing skincare, or they read a book chapter every night, this question is sure to get a positive response. Speaking of books...

What are you watching or reading right now?

There are so many movies, TV shows, and books out right now that you're both bound to be in the middle of one title or another. I can (and do) spend hours upon hours talking about my favorite TV shows. This is one small talk question that can make even the most awkward convo enjoyable.

What fictional character is closest to your personality?

And if the TV conversation goes well, take it a step farther by asking which fictional character your new friend relates to the most. It'll give you a little more insight into their personality, and it's just plain fun.

Which Taylor Swift era are you in?

If you and your acquaintance are both Taylor Swift fans, dive deep into your current eras. Whether you're in your Lover era or you're embracing the carefree chaos of 1989, this is the perfect excuse to queue up your Taylor Swift playlist.

Are you a morning person or a night person?

If you're both morning people, you can bond over how nice it is to be the early birds, while two night people will have plenty to talk about when it comes to nightlife or the best places to look at the stars. And if you're opposites, you can give each other tips!

Are you a chocolate person, vanilla person, or neither?

I don't know about y'all, but I refuse to order ice cream unless it's chocolate. I love consistently knowing what to expect. Maybe your new friend feels the same way, or they prefer the spontaneity of ordering a new flavor every single time. Either way, it'll give you a look at their personality AND lead you to the ice cream store. It's a win-win.

What fruit are you?

My current go-to question was born out of my interview with The Outsiders cast (in honor of character Cherry Valance). My current answer is strawberry for a few simple reasons: you know what you're in for, it can be super sweet, and on a good day, it's the same on the inside at the outside.

What's something you're proud of this year?

It's crazy that we're halfway through 2024! Let the conversation take an exciting turn by remembering something fun, memorable, and beautiful.

What's one thing you want to check off your bucket list this year?

But don't spend all your time talking about the past! Think ahead to the second half of the year and talk about a dream or goal you have. It can be as small as finally ordering frames for your gallery wall or as big as scoring a promotion.

Where do you want to travel?

Summer's not over yet! Daydream about somewhere you'd like to see one day, like Italy or Seoul. And in the meantime, plan a day trip somewhere close by :).

LED Red Light Face Masks

CurrentBody Skin LED Light Therapy Face Mask

Made from flexible silicone, this red light therapy mask fits snug against your face for maximum coverage. Its medically-designed features aim to make your skin more "visibly glowing and noticeably healthier looking." It secures with some head straps that make the experience totally hands-free, so you can watch your favorite TV show, fold laundry, or pour yourself an after-work drink with ease.

iRestore LED Face Mask

You are able to choose from three light treatments with this mask: red, infrared, and blue light. It has dual straps near the top and bottom of your head for a very secure fit, and 360 bulbs to help reach every nook and cranny further. The signature quality of this face mask is the especially-shielded design around the eyes to help block extra light. The brand reports that 90% of users saw reduced signs of aging after consistent use.

Lovsheme LED Face Mask

This flexible face mask offers blue light (for blemishes), blue and red (for inflammation) or infrared red light therapy (for reducing wrinkles and encouraging collagen production). Its versatile light options become more impressive with 3 levels of intensity and adjustable time settings! The mask itself is soft and comes with silicone eye protectors so you can relax and read peacefully while it works its magic. It comes with a cord-connected remote control so you can choose your own skincare adventure.

Weyais Light Therapy Face Mask

This red light tool conveniently folds down when you're not using it and pops up into a tent-like shape to treat your skin. You can use it beyond your face, too, effectively treating your neck and hands. This product is equipped with customizable timing settings from 1-60 minutes, though you should only use it 20 minutes max. This is the perfect red light therapy piece for lazy gals, since it's easy to use when you're winding down and layin' down in bed.

Red Light Therapy Tools

Solawave 4-in-1 Radiant Renewal Facial Wand

The classic Solawave wandis acclaimed for a reason. This award-winning red light therapy tool also uses galvanic current to let your topical products (we recommend a serum that targets your desired skincare concern) absorb better and deeper. It also warms up slightly to soothe the skin when it's lookin' a bit inflamed. The simple on-off button is easy to use, plus this wand is very compact, so it's easy to keep in your vanity, on your bathroom shelf, or bedside table.

Uaike Red Light Therapy Device

This wand leverages red light and infrared light therapy to support collagen production. Plus, it has a gentle heating function to boost blood circulation, encouraging a more youthful complexion. Its small surface area allows you to target certain 'worry' areas like crow's feet, smile lines, forehead wrinkles.

PMD Clean Redvolution Smart Red Light Facial Cleansing Device

This multitasking device cleanses your face with a silicone brush on one side, and firms with a red light therapy panel on the other. It uses gentle vibration when cleansing to really help get the gunk out of your pores. This tool is also completely waterproof, so you can keep it atop your sink or in your shower worry-free!

Solawave 2 in 1 Anti-Aging Face & Body Skincare Mini

This super-portable skincare tool can fit in your purse for on-the-go treatment. It "improves firmness, enhances radiance, soothes, and depuffs" after consistent red light therapy sessions. The circular light panel combines red and near-infrared light with therapeutic warmth for visible results. The tiny handle even pops in and out for easy storage!

Doset Red Light Therapy Facial Massager

This affordable tool lights up, vibrates, and warms to reduce signs of aging and sooth your skin. It's equipped with 7 different light colors, including red light, to target a number of different skincare concerns. The smart arched wand design fits the natural curvature of your face, especially your cheeks and forehead and even your neck!

Solawave Bye Acne Red Light Spot Treatment

This tiny powerhouse combines red and blue light to treat new breakouts under the surface while also helping heal current ones. It can decrease sebum production, offering a handy preventative measure you can even keep in your purse for last-minute blemishes. If you're prone to popping (which only exacerbates pimples), give this red light therapy tool a whirl!