TikTok's Viral 'October Theory' Could Be The Reason You're Feeling So Good RN

october theory

Raise your hand if you've felt victimized by the rush to follow through on new year's resolution ideas! Now, raise your other hand if you finally feel like you're coming alive during fall! Great, we're feeling the same — and we promise it has nothing to do with our love for Halloween. Instead, the TikTok viral 'October Theory' may be the reason why it feels like we can breathe after another unprecedented year. But, is it viable or just another trend that everyone's going to forget about before the year is over (remember the lucky girl syndrome)? Also, what is it?

We chatted with psychotherapist, Kristie Tse, LMHC and traditional astrologer, Talisa Zampieri to get their hot takes about what the 'October Theory' is, whether you should pay attention to it, and how it may (or may not be) impacted by the stars.

What is the October Theory?

Vlada Karpovich

There are tons of TikTok videos that describe this theory in detail, but user @mindandbodymams describes it best. She says, "Because October is leading up to the ending of the year, people start looking at their lives and deciding what things need to be set into motion." She explains that this could look like making changes to your relationship, or starting a new job — it could even look like you starting a new hobby or letting go of a few bad habits.

Regardless, this all boils down to one thing: October is the perfect time to take a look at your goals and implement them before the end of the year.

Why is setting goals for the new year difficult for some people?

Ava Dillon

Thinking about the possibilities for the new year is so exciting, often leaving people inspired to make vision boards, write detailed resolutions, and dream big about what's to come. However, not everyone is thrilled about jumping headfirst into that energy. "Setting goals at the beginning of a new year can pose challenges for some individuals due to various psychological factors. For many, the pressure to start fresh and achieve immediate results can feel overwhelming, leading to procrastination or anxiety," explains Tse. As the clinical director and founder of Uncover Mental Health Counseling, she specializes in helping clients make empowered decisions during different seasons of their lives.

Other things like "past experiences of unmet resolutions can also create a sense of skepticism or defeatism," adds Tse. "Additionally, societal and familial expectations may cloud individual desires, causing internal conflict about what truly matters to them." According to Forbes, 62% of people feel like they have to participate in the new year's resolution trend. What's even more surprising is that over half of women "feel slightly more pressured to set a resolution" than 60% of men!

Tse surmises these very reasons ultimately makes things "feel daunting" which can hinder "goal-setting efforts." She says, "As a psychotherapist, I recognize that these barriers are deeply rooted in personal and cultural narratives, which can often dictate one's ability to set and achieve goals."

Is there a psychological reason why October feels like a fresh start?

Orione Conceição

Some people welcome fall with open arms — and subsequently the 'October Theory' — because it seems to promise a much needed reset. You're not alone if you feel this way, and Tse says there's a reason for this. "Many individuals feel that October symbolizes the beginning of their new year due to the psychological transitions associated with changing seasons. The start of autumn represents a shift from the energetic and social atmosphere of summer to a more introspective and reflective time."

Think about how excited you get to watch the leaves turn from green to rich hues of golden yellow, orange, and crimson. As they fall from their respective branches, this process can signify things that we may need to let go in order to make room for fresh things to grow. "The onset of fall can trigger an internal reset, prompting people to reassess their goals and intentions. Psychologically, this period might coincide with academic calendars or fiscal years, influencing how some structure their personal timelines," she continues.

Not only that, but Tse's seen how beneficial fall is because it can "help clients refocus and energize their commitment to personal growth and change." The more they do this, the more they start "aligning more naturally with their internal rhythms compared to the culturally enforced January start," Tse observes.

What about astrologically?

Orhan Pergel

Not only is it October right now, but it's also Libra season! So while there's plenty of psychology to support your stance on fresh starts right now, could it also be written in the stars? Intuitive tarot reader and founder of Two Wander, Talisa Zampieri thinks so. She says that Libra is a cardinal sign, and that because all cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn) fall on equinoxes and solstices, they're therefore "initiators of new seasons and change."

If you're not familiar with Libras in particular, no worries! Zampieri says, "Air signs are the connectors, visionaries, and communicators of the zodiac." She says this is because Libras are ruled by Venus, a "relational planet that governs our values." So the Libras in your life — and thus Libra season in general — may be more "focused on ideals, other people, and finding alignment."

Zampieri elaborates that Libra season actually illuminates the areas in our lives — usually specific to areas of our birth chart that we have Libra placements — that need to find that balance and alignment again. She says, "The general effect of Libra season is one of trying to rebalance where the scales have been tipped too far in one direction, beautifying our life, and coming to harmony."

Starting to sound similar to October Theory? We thought so, too! Not only are we able to cosmically recognize where w we might need to shift our focus during this time, but Zampieri also highlights another shift. She says that "around October 22 we shift into Scorpio season, which is the master alchemist and transformer."

Feeling the pull towards finding change and balance? Check. Actually acting on that pull? Check. The October Theory is practically tattoed in the fabric of the stars.

How can someone embrace the 'October Theory' in real time?

Megan Ruth

Though a 'theory' can sound quite rigid and academic, this isn't something that requires you to dismantle your life and start with a completely different set of rules to live by. It's actually simpler than you think. "To embrace the 'October theory' in goal setting, start by assessing the changes you feel during this season. Use this transitional time to reflect on personal achievements, unfulfilled aspirations, and areas of growth," Tse suggests.

For example, let's say one of your goals was to stop relying on delivery services like Instacart or Uber Eats as much. We know life gets busy, causing us to backtrack on our cooking goals. But instead of kicking yourself for not being consistent with making homemade dinner recipes, you can start by asking yourself what kind of meals you want to eat. That could be all the encouragement you need to wander your grocery store aisles more successfully — and more empowered!

Tse says, "Create small, meaningful goals that resonate with your true desires, rather than what may have been imposed externally. Consider incorporating themes of autumn — like letting go and transformation — into your objectives, which can offer a symbolic motivation." She encourages you to "release habits that no longer serve you or cultivate new practices that align with the person you aim to become."

The more you shut out outside noise and check in with yourself, the more you'll be able to become clear about things you truly want.

How can different zodiac signs set goals that feel authentic during this time?

Darina Belonogova

From an astrological POV, there are things we can do to make sure our goals feel aligned to us. Zampieri says, "The ways each sign can lean into this theory in a way that feels authentic to them is by looking at which astrological house Libra (and Scorpio) fall for them in their natal chart and aligning with its themes."

For example, she points out that for Libra risings, "this this transit is occurring in their 1st house of self, which amplifies the focus on self-development." On the other hand, Sagittarius risings will be affected differently. "This is their 11th house of friendship and so they can focus on their community and aspirations, etc."

If you're a Libra, one of your goals may be to get serious about your fitness goals or setting boundaries that feel true to you. If you're a Sagittarius, you may be focused on exploring friend date ideas that allow you to bond with your best friends — or you may even be exploring the potential for friendship breakups, letting go of the relationships that no longer serve them.

The point is, regardless of your sun sign, you have Libra somewhere on your birth chart. Once you recognize this area — and what that area represents — you'll be able to facilitate change more specific to your needs.

How can people stay consistent when pursuing new goals?

cottonbro studio

Pursuing new goals sounds fun until you realize you have to stay consistent, right? We've all been there to a degree — but there are ways to work around it, according to Tse. "Implementing structured daily rituals can create a strong foundation for consistency. Setting specific times for activities integrates them into your routine naturally," she says. This can look like setting alarms on your phone so you can allot time for whatever you want to do. But, why does this help us stay on track? "Tracking progress visually, like with a calendar, reinforces commitment," Tse shares.

If you're still struggling with procrastination, Tse says you can ask friends and other people you look up to for help, because "having someone to share successes and challenges with can keep motivation high." However, don't let your ambitious nature convince you that you have to tackle everything at one time. The last thing we want you to experience is burnout, so Tse has three key boundaries you can set in place:

  • Break the journey into smaller, manageable tasks to prevent feeling overwhelmed.
  • Connect each goal to a larger purpose or personal value to maintain passion.
  • Embrace setbacks as learning opportunities and adjust the approach, rather than viewing them as failures.

How can you remain authentic throughout yet another internet trend?

Polina Tankilevitch

Still on the fence about what goals you should be pursuing? Zampieri says to avoid what doesn't resonate with you. "If starting afresh now makes you feel good and you like to work under a deadline, set those new goals," she says excitedly. But, she's not convinced it's something you have to do if you're not 100% sure about the 'October Theory.'

"If you are naturally more drawn inward during this time of year and prefer to wind down instead, do that (particularly Scorpio risings as this is their 12th house natally which is more introspective). Don't let the internet pressure you into anything," she insists.

This is especially true if all the talk about setting new goals ahead of next year is triggering anxious thoughts. Zampieri says, "If someone feels negatively affected by the 'October Theory,' they can try to regain some perspective by looking back to last year instead," she Zampieri says. "Sometimes it is easier to see how far we've come by reflecting on where we were this time a year ago. Alternatively, someone can focus on the rhythm of the seasons instead: nature is naturally preparing to hibernate now and so can we."

Just because the 'October Theory' has gone viral doesn't mean your life will be incomplete if you're not participating in it. It's an interesting concept, but you should ultimately choose whatever feels closely aligned with where you are in life. No journey is linear, so don't worry about this timeline — but if you do need a boost, then this trend has you covered.

Whether you're looking for the next pumpkin spice recipe, mocktails to mix, or book club find, we've got you covered! Follow us on Facebook for all the latest!

Has anyone else felt like their mid-year reset skipped them...or is that just me? Truthfully, my mental health started teetering towards the beginning of the year while my self-care has taken a swan dive into a forgotten abyss.

In an attempt to redirect myself, I've hit pause on rom-coms and thriller books so I can have more time for peaceful introspection. It turns out escapism is fun until you realize how much you've been neglecting yourself.

There are so many titles out there, but these 15 self-care books are the most brilliant ones I've come across!

P.S. Some of these books are in heavy rotation! Keep them handy for the days you're feeling down!

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Consider This: Reflections for Finding Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab (October 15, 2024)

Therapist and bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab captured my attention with her titles Set Boundaries, Find Peace and Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships so much that I always have them on my desk. It's one of the reasons I'm so excited to dive into her new book, Consider This: Reflections for Finding Peace, next month!

It's almost as if she has secret intel, with all the precious nuggets she'll share that will help us center ourselves during tough moments. From friendly reminders to loving, but firm nudges, Tawwab provides guidance on everything from boundaries to finding joy during every moment.

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Slowing: Discover Wonder, Beauty, and Creativity Through Slow Living by Rachel Schwartzmann

Author and Slow Stories podcast host Rachel Schwartzmann is here to remind us to slow TF down. Between receiving new information at the speed of light and having busy schedules, it's no wonder we're so stressed! Instead of being controlled by work and business, Schwartzmann wants us to reimagine the way we live and create.

She has poignant essays about the positive effects of slowing down — plus, she introduces readers to other voices who have insight about their own experiences with doing so! There are even "guided practices" to help reignite our introspection and creativity through journaling.

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The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power by Katherine Morgan Schafler

Perfectionists, we've been summoned with a guide that wants to give us permission to stop trying to control everything. It's so funny — this book landed on my radar after stressing about how I haven't felt in control for a long time. See how life works?

Anyway, psychotherapist Morgan Schafler knows we've been spoon-fed ideology about having balance in our lives, and feels like it's actually not helpful in the long run. She even helps categorize different versions of perfectionism: classic, intense, Parisian, messy, and procrastinator. Yes, that's right. Your procrastinating habit is rooted in perfectionism.

Instead of telling you to get rid of a part of who you are, Schafler breaks down why we respond to things a certain way and teaches how to live life so that our perfectionism doesn't necessarily control every single thing we do.

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The Secret Language of the Body by Jennifer Mann and Karden Rabin

Do you know the role our nervous systems plays in our bodies? It's basically our in-house communication center for messages between our brains and bodies. It's what triggers or flight or fight mode, which comes in handy if we're trying to escape a bristly bear in the woods, but does nothing for us if we're upset someone cut us in line at Starbucks. Little moments like that lead to nervous system dysregulation and can cause a lot of pain.

Mind-body practitioners Jen Mann and Karden Rabin wrote The Secret Language of the Body as way to help us understand what truly goes on in our nervous systems. They dive into topics like somatic therapy, Polyvagal theory, and how our minds and bodies are connected so we can stop living in survival mode.

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The Joy of Saying No by Natalie Lue

You know what's even harder to navigate life with besides perfectionism? It's being a people pleaser and considering everyone else's feelings before you think about your own.

The Joy of Saying No aims to explain how this is often rooted in our childhoods from being known as the good kid to the one who believes overachieving makes them more likable. It's true these roles served a function, but they can also stop us from being who we are as adults. Natalie Lue wants to help us recognize how we continue to operate in people-pleasing mode via six steps so we can reset our connection to others.

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Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA

I'm going to talk about this book forever! It's one of my go-to reads when I'm experiencing so much burnout I can barely think straight. Sisters Emily Nagoski, Phd and Amelia Nagoski, DMA know that burnout isn't a new phenomenon — nor are they claiming it is. What they do know is too many women continue to experience it and are determined to help us change course.

There's lessons about how to move through our natural biological stress cycles, check in with our brains when we're frustrated, and get intimate with our inner critics who live to remind us that we're not doing enough. It's written so beautifully that you'll feel like you're talking to a friend who majored in psychology, but still has the same down-to-earth attitude you first encountered as kids.

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The Sugar Jar: Create Boundaries, Embrace Self-Healing, and Enjoy the Sweet Things in Life by Yasmine Cheyenne

Yasmine Cheyenne's Sugar Jar metaphor is one of the easiest ways for us to realize how depleted we can become if we're not managing our boundaries and healing. From leaving our proverbial jars open, we become subject to energy vampires and moments we don't recognize we need to replenish ourselves until we're on the brink of burnout.

She teaches us how to understand what makes us feel exhausted, how we can press reset, and break up with our own negative habits. Also, she taps into our people-pleasing tendencies so we can find healthier ways to show up for ourselves and others.

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What It Takes to Heal: How Transforming Ourselves Can Change the World by Prentis Hemphill

Prentis Hemphill knows the past few years have left everyone feeling off balance which is why What It Takes to Heal was written. It's a call-to-arms to remind us that our healing isn't optional if we want to move forward in the world.

You'll learn how to pay attention to how our body responds to certain things, including our own habits, and you'll figure out how to stop bearing the weight of emotional burdens. But instead of being in isolation, Hemphill encourages you to embrace being part of a community.

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Sacred Self-Care: Daily Practices for Nurturing Our Whole Selves by Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes

Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes is offering helpful insights for how to being nurturing ourselves in Sacred Self-Care. As a psychologist, pastor, and activist, she's seen how hard it is for people to maintain a self-care practice that helps them navigate life.

As such, she's developed a seven-week guide filled with practices and activities that hone in on our emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health. With each passing day, you'll receive journal prompts and scriptures that will help set the tone for the day. It's like a devotional from a psychologist's perspective and that can be great if you rely on both therapy as well as religion to get through your days.

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You Are Only Just Beginning: Lessons for the Journey Ahead by Morgan Harper Nichols

Morgan Harper Nichols hasn't shied away from sharing her story and encouraging words with others on Instagram which is why it makes sense she's written You Are Only Just Beginning: Lessons for the Journey Ahead. She wants to help us embrace adventurous moments while sharing reminders that hard moments are temporary.

Sometimes all we need is a little courage to keep going when things feel bleak.

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The Book of Moods: How I Turned My Worst Emotions Into My Best Life by Lauren Martin

Have you ever felt burdened by mood swings? If so, I completely understand because I often question my own and so did author Lauren Martin. She hit a wall a few years ago even though it seemed like her life was perfect on the surface. No matter what she did, she couldn't shake feeling inferior of irritable. It wasn't only she crossed paths with another successful stranger who felt the same that Lauren begin to seek to understand her emotions.

The Book of Moods: How I Turned My Worse Emotions Into My Best Life is a recollection of Lauren's journey and how she learned to find peace. She talks about varying triggers everyone has faced and blends her own wisdom with science-backed evidence to help us make informed decisions.

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Self-Care for Moms by Sara Robinson, MA

Moms are often praised for our ability to be self-sacrificing and resilient in the face of hardship, but I'd be lying if I said it felt like people seem to forget we're human. We do care a lot and have the warm nurturing nature everyone talks about, but we also have our limits lest we fall victim to burnout.

Self-Care for Moms offers over 100 activities designed to remind moms how to pour into ourselves daily. Whether it's a 5-minute phone call or hour lunch with a friend sans kids, it's time for us to reclaim the way we care for ourselves.

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How We Heal: Uncover Your Power and Set Yourself Free by Alexandra Elle

Alexandra Elle has shared her moving anecdotes with the internet since Tumblr, eventually becoming a bestselling author who continues to remind us to come home to ourselves. In How We Heal, she aims to help us rediscover peace by focusing on healing.

Broken into four parts, you'll find everything from journal prompts to meditations that tackle our innermost emotions. She even shares bits of her personal experiences so you feel less alone.

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Dare to Feel: The Transformational Path of the Heart by Alexandra Roxo

If you're on the other spectrum of emotions that includes burying them, Dare to Feel encourages you to do the opposite. Although you may feel repulsed by the idea of cracking your heart open, trust that it's metaphorical. This is an invitation to connect with yourself, life, and others past a superficial level. You'll come across poems, meditations, and more that help you fall in love with being in tune with your emotions in this moving book.

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Girl On Fire: How to Choose Yourself, Burn the Rule Book, and Blaze Your Own Trail in Life and Business by Cara Alwill Leyba

What's self-care without a reminder that you are THAT GIRL? Instead of questioning your worth, Girl on Fire wants you to start remembering who you truly are.

From encouraging you to not see other women as competition to offering tips for how to navigate the vision you have in your heart, you'll learn how not to let life and business get you down.

You'll feel empowered by the end of Girl on Fire and that's the point!

Still feeling stuck? We have more self improvement books to help you navigate the rest of 2024!

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

Take our favorite celebrity BFF's, Taylor Swift and Blake Lively, and our favorite celebrity couple, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, and you truly get one big happy family. Earlier this summer, Blake and Ryan showed up to the Eras Tour to support the "Fortnight" singer, and on July 25, Taylor returned the love by making a rare lengthy post to her Instagram story.

Here's everything you need to know about Taylor Swift's relationship with Blake Lively's kids as their godmother.

Taylor Swift/Instagram

Taylor Swift posted a photo to her Instagram story featuring Blake Lively, Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman, and Shawn Levy — all of whom are involved in Deadpool & Wolverine, in theaters July 26!

"Over the past few years I have watched one of my best friends on the planet pour every bit of his heart, soul, sweat, time, energy, jokes, pain, joy, rebellion, darkness, and magic into this film," she says. "He's created the best work of his life, and this film feels like an actual joy portal, a wild escape from reality, and an abs sandwich."

After joking that Ryan, Blake, and Shawn randomly crashed her photo, Taylor continues, saying, "Shout out to Wade Wilson [the character played by Ryan Reynolds], aka my godkids' sperm donor!"

Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images for Fast Company

Ryan Reynolds had the funniest reaction, and told Deadline, "I'm going to need that on my gravestone, actually."

"Yeah, that is kind of it. She is the godparent to my daughters," the Deadpool actor continued. "That was very sweet. Not just sweet, that was, like, you could probably quantify a box office based on Taylor just doing something like that."

Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images for TAS Rights Management/Noam Galai/Getty Images for Disney

In the past, Ryan Reynolds has been vocal about how much his kids (James, Inez, Betty, and Olin) love Taylor Swift, and the family's appearance at the Eras Tour even went viral!

"I think what's most exciting for them is that for the longest time they just thought Taylor's just like an aunt, like a friend of Mommy and Daddy that's very, very close, almost family," he says onThe Jess Cagle Show. "And then they went to a concert one day and were like, 'Ohhhhh, this isn't a hobby.'"

Read up on Blake Lively and Taylor Swift's friendship timeline for more!

Lead image via Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images for TAS Rights Management

My best friends and I always have conversations about who we were in our 20s compared to being in our 30s. Needless to say, considering we're no longer sweating profusely in house parties until 5 a.m. or nursing wild hangovers that left us crouching near toilets the next morning, hilarity often gives way to gratitude. Yeah, we're willing to admit we were fun, hot messes 12 years ago. We're still fun, but we're a little more refined in this season of adulthood.

The beautiful thing about aging is how much growth accompanies it. I'm calmer, more patient, and less prone to pettiness when I feel offended (thanks therapy). Seriously, my self-improvement makes me want to hug the confused, scared, and insecure girl I was in my 20s.

Since I physically can't do that, I like reflecting on the differences I've noticed about myself in my 30s compared to my 20s. I wouldn't say I'm a completely different person, but at the same time there are plenty of changes.

P.S. I'm still learning how to embrace change so circle back when I'm almost 40.

Fikry Pradana/Pexels

I Thought I Still Had To Be The 'Good Girl'

My mom used to get a ton of comments about how well-behaved my sister and I were, but I didn't know I was internalizing them until it was too late. I used to thrive on not being considered a disappointment by church members, people at school, and adults in public. All of that praise made the moments I did make mistakes or do typical kid stuff feel like I was a complete failure.

Every comment about how rude, selfish, and sexual kids my age were emphasized they were things I felt like I had to avoid. I was the girl who didn't care about boys or dating until I did. I was also the girl who participated in purity culture and regaled my virginity as something sacred. Any rule there was, I followed them as much as possible.

But, I eventually saw this left little room for "error." To add insult to injury, there were people who would make comments about my biological dad I tried not to embody. I didn't want anyone to think I'd head down the same path because they thought I looked or acted like him.

The thing about being the "good girl" is that people expect you to perform for them all the time. It's tiring and unrealistic to expect a young adult to fit into every expectation the world has because we're all bound to mess up. I know firsthand how it feels to make mistakes and think you're going to be canceled for the rest of your life because you failed in the eyes of others. It's a lonely and depressing feeling that can follow you unless you get to the root of it.

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Genuinely Liking Myself Felt Like An Uphill Battle

Being a people-pleaser is probably why I didn't even like myself. It's not that I didn't know who was, but I filtered between settings. Either I thought I wasn't enough or I believed I was too weird to be genuinely liked. There was also belief that my skin color wasn't the "right" shade and my hair wasn't the perfect length.

So, I was always baffled when someone showed interest in me. I thought they only showed interested in me out of pity or some crazy dare just like She's All That or Cruel Intentions. My mindset was, "If I don't like me, why would anyone else?"

My self-esteem was in the dirt and I was the one refusing to nuture it because I genuinely didn't know how.

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Finding "The One" Was My Roman Empire

Sigh. 20-something Jasmine was fixated on falling in love with "the one" because of all the Disney movies and TV shows I watched that revolved around adults in relationships. I searched for my perfect prince and even thought I'd found him right before I turned 20.

I started dating this guy and fell in love for the first time. It was one of those relationships where we talked all the time and experienced multiple moments of jealousy. Still, I thought he was going to be the person I married so I began molding myself to be everything he liked.

I changed the way I dressed, started listening to music he liked, and even dimmed my personality so I wouldn't be "too much" for him. And when we called off our engagement after he wanted an open relationship, I ended up asking him for forgiveness. 🫠

It took him being low-key verbally abusive for me to snap out of my self-imposed, "He's the one" fog. The day I grew a backbone and called him everything under the sun was the moment I stopped making falling in love my personality.

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I Assumed It'd Be Easy To Start My Career

I partially blame my love for Livin' Single, Sex and the City, and The Devil Wears Prada for believing I'd be able to become a career girl with little effort. Okay, that's not true. I knew I'd have to work hard, but I didn't realize that started a journalism career wasn't as easy as 1-2-3.

I assumed I'd be able to get my foot in the door, but felt crushed when I realized a lot of places wanted someone who had completed an internship. Since I was focused on fashion journalism and couldn't figure out my college trajectory for a while, I didn't know how I'd get my foot in the door while living in Georgia.

My mom wasn't a fan of me going to New York either, so I started giving up on starting a career. It seemed like I was placing too much stress on myself to hit a milestone by a certain age. So, I decided to cut my losses and worked at a law firm for 10 years. It's ironically the place I was able to learn the valuable lessons I'm now applying to my career.

Leeloo The First/Pexels

Believing Healthy Relationships Were Perfect

My little stint with my ex-boyfriend made me believe healthy relationships were the opposite of what we had; that they were perfect. You should've heard the way I started weaving in therapy speak to explain why healthy relationships were so great and full of boundaries, especially since I'd never been in one.

I had no idea that relationships still experience highs and lows, nor did I know how to navigate disagreements. I was still on edge from my last relationship because I'd think, "No man would ever speak down to me again." Can you imagine bringing this energy to a relationship with someone who's willing to work towards having something healthy?

Thank goodness for growth!

Elina Fairytale/Pexels

I Expected Parents To Be Perfect

I'm not proud to admit this, but parents used to annoy me when I was in my 20s. I thought my generation had lied about what makes a great parent because it felt like there weren't any. If you ever wanted to meet someone who had their head up their a— about parenting, I was your gal 10 years ago.

Honestly, I said a lot of biased and downright awful things about parents when I didn't have a child. I used to judge parents for letting their kids scream in public and even judged my own parents for not knowing how to handle every situation the way I thought they should. The truth is, I thought parents were supposed to be the all-knowing heroes in their kids' stories. People who could handle anything life threw at them. It just never really occurred to me that parents were individuals who have their own trauma, desires, fears, etc.

Also, I milked the whole being child-free thing. I'd think things like, "That person is just miserable because they're stuck being a parent." As a mom with a toddler who has severe eczema, I cringe at how much of an entitled a—hole I used to sound like. I think it's partially why I understand the "childfree by choice" comments, but can't get with the crowd who tries to pit their choices above others'.

My Mindset In My 30s

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Getting Focused & Honing My Skills Helped Me Start My Career

I have no problem telling anyone who'll listen that I wasn't prepared to start my career in my 20s. I was wildly all over the place, had no self-esteem, and couldn't stay focused on one thing to save my life. Everything I'm doing in my career requires confidence, a willingness to accept constructive criticism, and extreme focus.

At any given time I'm juggling two assignments at once, preparing for an interview, or trying to organize my inbox so I can respond to emails. This is usually accompanied by keeping an eye on my toddler, so it's the perfect time for me to handle so many responsibilities since I get to work from home.

What helped me get to this point is learning how to recognize when I was getting overwhelmed by things instead of spiraling. I haven't mastered it, but I'm able to notice when I need to take a step back to redirect myself. Sometimes this looks like going for a walk, taking a quick shower, or focusing on things I can see, touch, hear, and smell.

The other thing I credit with helping me prepare for my career is practicing like I already had it. I started blogging in 2014 and would interview other content creators like I was already getting paid to do it. This prep, along with seeking out remote internships or publications I could write for, helped me truly understand what my current role entails.

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Going To Therapy Helped Me Accept And Love Myself

I'm still learning how to love me in every season of life, but I credit my mom for introducing me to therapy. I frequently tell her how much she saved my life because I don't know where I'd be without it. I've mentioned it before, but this is where I learned how to confront certain narratives I believed about myself.

From believing I had to perform for others' approval to questioning my worth as a young Black woman, I was able to start peeling back the layers of things I'd internalized from childhood. Once I did that, I could truly see myself and it was scary at first.

I'd spent so much time running away from who I am that I didn't know if I was capable of accepting what I saw. But, the therapists I worked with did such an amazing job of helping me do just that. I still have to recite a few affirmations in the mirror from time to time, but it feels good to rely less on the opinions of others.

I can actually hear my own voice in my head instead of past bullies or adults who didn't realize how harmful their "jokes" were. That's priceless to me in my 30s.

Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels

Healthy Relationships Aren't Perfect...At All

I think there's still a huge belief that people who have relationships we admire must be perfect. As someone who's been actively working on having a healthy relationship with her fiancé, I'm here to tell you there's nothing perfect about it.

Do we curse at each other or physically fight? No, never have. Have we experienced moments of intense jealousy? Also no. But, we've had to learn how to navigate each other's traumas and personal quirks. We've certainly had to relearn how to prioritize each other after becoming parents which has been TOUGH. I'm talking two years of "I don't really like you at all right now."

If I was in my 20s, I probably would've left because I wouldn't have wanted to deal with anything that didn't feel perfect. I mean, who wants to be willingly stressed out by their partner when both people are dealing with something new and are sleep-deprived + scared?

But I've realized it's not enough to say you want to have a healthy relationship with someone. Setting boundaries, learning to communicate, and being accountable takes work. The reality is that you're not always going to be on the same page with someone you love, and it's okay to agree to disagree.

My fiancé and I have 10 years under our belts so we've had a chance to navigate our 20s together. There's been a lot of growth and apologizing. We both feel that we're doing a great job, even when we have 10 minutes where we really don't want to talk to each other.

That's the other beautiful thing about healthy relationships being imperfect. You start picking up on each other's cues and can say things like, "I'm going to sit over here for a bit and I'll come back once I calm down," instead of having so many big arguments.

It feels good to say I don't need my fiancé or myself to be perfect. We have love, respect, a desire to learn, and a commitment to navigating all the changes that occur in life. That's more than enough.

Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

Becoming A Mom Opened My Eyes About A Lot

When I made the decision to be okay with my pregnancy in 2020, my feelings were crushed by someone close to me during my first trimester. I'd already started panicking about my past comments about parents, but I was also worried about how society would see me once it realized I was about to become a mom.

It was heartbreaking to feel like I was already being attacked for how I was choosing to think about my child. I didn't think it was a conversation I'd need to have because I assumed that person would accept my choices the way I'd always accepted theirs. That fateful interaction made me realize how easy it is for people to put their truths and identities on a pedestal over others. Sometimes it's unintentional, but it doesn't hurt any less.

It also made me start examining my own internalized biases. Eventually I started freeing myself from the idea that people are supposed to be one way vs. the other. I also gave myself permission to understand that people will say and do things no matter how I feel. That any of us could follow every last "rule" imposed on us and someone would still have an issue with me. Basically, my people-pleasing ways started to disappear over time.
The other thing I truly understand is that parents aren't perfect. This is not me glorifying imperfections to the point I think I can get away with anything, but it is an acknowledgement. Yes, I've been in and out of therapy since I was 20. Yes, I have the tools and resources to be more self-aware. But, none of this means I've arrived at the pinnacle of perfection. If you ask me, I don't even think it exists anymore.
Perhaps the best thing I've learned since becoming a mom is how hard parenting is. There's not enough planning, money, or love in the world that can make it a breeze. It's the literal act of being responsible for someone outside of yourself and I think doing it on a daily basis means it'll always be accompanied by mistakes, just like anything else we do in life. But it's oh so worth it.

What are some differences you've noticed about yourself in adulthood? Let us know on Facebook!

Header image via Olga Lioncat/Pexels

If your group chat is blowing up over the Bad Sisters premiere, or you're still reeling from that Outer Banks season 4 ending, never fear: these merry and bright December TV shows are here to save the day! (Don't worry though, they're not all about the holidays. Sometimes you need a break from even the best Christmas music!). Even though these programs offer wildly different things — from a gritty spy and life or death games to juicy reality dating and sitcom royalty — they're all the perfect choice for an evening in...especially if you've already watched all our Binge-Worthy November TV Shows ;).

Here are the best new December TV shows premiering in 2024.

​The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On season 3 — On Netflix December 4, 2024

Netflix

These couples are at a crossroads in their relationship: will they tie the knot and spend the rest of their lives together, or will they call it quits? It's a dilemma a lot of relationships face, and you'll have to tune in to find out how these couples handle the ultimate q.

The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On is hosted by Nick Lachey and Vanessa Lachey.

Black Doves — On Netflix December 5, 2024

Netflix

This thriller stars Keira Knightley as Helen, a politician's wife who doubles as a spy — and feeds her organization all his deepest, darkest secrets. But when her secret lover is assassinated, Helen is forced to play a dangerous game of survival that involves everyone she holds close. This December TV show is also set against London at Christmas...you really can't go wrong!

Black Doves stars Keira Knightley, Ben Whishaw, Sarah Lancashire, Andrew Buchan, Adeel Akhtar, Tracey Ullman, Finn Bennett, Luther Ford, Andrew Koji, Kathryn Hunter, Sam Troughton, and Ella Lily Hyland.

Southern Charm season 10 — On Bravo December 5, 2024

Michelle Watt/Bravo

The best TV shows always involve reality TV, and nobody's doing it like Southern Charm. Set in Charleston, South Carolina, these ladies are balancing their "bless your hearts" and sweet tea with plenty of drama. Although...when is dating not dramatic? Our favorite familiar faces are joined by some newcomers, bringing a whole new edge to the show we know and love.

Southern Charm Season 10 stars Venita Aspen, Leva Bonaparte, Craig Conover, Taylor Ann Green, Austen Kroll, Madison LeCroy, Rodrigo Reyes, Shep Rose, Jarrett “JT” Thomas, Salley Carson, Ryan Albert, and Molly O’Connell.

The Sticky — On Prime Video December 6, 2024

Jan Thijs/Prime Video

Despite the fact this new series revolves around a maple syrup empire, it's actually not related to Riverdale. Sorry to disappoint! This dark comedy is inspired by the Great Canadian Maple Syrup Heist, where a maple syrup farmer stole millions of dollars worth of syrup in order to save her livelihood. Yep, really.

The Sticky stars Margo Martindale, Chris Diamantopoulos, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Guillaume Cyr.

Queer Eye season 9 — On Netflix December 11, 2024

Netflix

We're in need of some life advice right now, TBH, and thank goodness The Fab Five are bringing it in the new season of Queer Eye. And alongside the emotional stories and heartfelt connections they make in Vegas, we'll see plenty of fabulous style. Because duh!

Queer Eye Season 9 stars includes Antoni Porowski, Jonathan Van Ness, Karamo Brown, Tan France, and Jeremiah Brent.

No Good Deed — On Netflix December 12, 2024

Netflix

Sitcom fans rejoice! This December TV show has some of the all-time greats sharing the screen, and we can't wait to rewatch these episodes 100 times. Multiple families believe one house will solve all their problems, and are all racing to sign on the dotted line. But, naturally, the beautiful 1920s Spanish-style home isn't as beautiful as it appears.

No Good Deed stars Linda Cardellini, O-T Fagbenle, Abbi Jacobson, Lisa Kudrow, Denis Leary, Poppy Liu, Teyonah Parris, Ray Romano, and Luke Wilson.

Ready, Set, Glow — On Hallmark+ December 12, 2024

Phillip Faraone/Getty Images for Hallmark Media

If your favorite scene from Jim Carrey's The Grinch is Molly Shannon and Christine Baranski's Christmas light competition, then this reality show is for you. Hallmark star Wes Brown introduces us to four families who have the best decorations around — and are sure to make your home feel even more festive.

Ready, Set, Glow is hosted by Wes Brown.

Paris & Nicole: The Encore — On Peacock December 12, 2024

Bravo

The girls are back!! Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie reunite in an attempt to produce something the world desperately needs: an operatic performance based on their iconic "Sanasa." Say no more.

"I'm so excited to be doing this with Nicole on Peacock," Paris told E! News. "Nicole has been my best friend since we're 2 years old, every memory that I have is with her."

Paris & Nicole: The Encore stars Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.

Virgin River season 6— On Netflix December 19, 2024

Netflix

In the face of loss and hardship, nobody comes together like the town of Virgin River. And despite the struggle, this season promises to be heartwarming and lovely too — Mel and Jack are finally getting married! Their nuptials are met with some family drama but don't worry romantics. True love is sure to win out.

Virgin River season 6 stars Alexandra Breckenridge, Martin Henderson, Tim Matheson, Annette O’Toole, Colin Lawrence, Benjamin Hollingsworth, Zibby Allen, Sarah Dugdale, Marco Grazzini, Kai Bradbury, Kandyse McClure, and Mark Ghanime.

Laid — On Peacock December 19, 2024

James Dittiger/Peacock

According to the official Peacock site, this dark rom-com answers the age-old question of "Is there something wrong with me?" with “Yes. There is. The problem is definitely you.” This December TV show follows Stephanie Hsu's Ruby, who's in for a rude awakening when she realizes all of her past sexual encounters are dying. Now she has to get to the bottom of it before anyone else bites the dust.

Laid stars Stephanie Hsu, Zosia Mamet, Michael Angarano, Tommy Martinez, Andre Hyland, Olivia Holt, David Denman, Finneas O’Connell, Chloe Fineman, Ettore “Big E” Ewen, and John Early.

Kennedy Center Honors — On CBS December 22, 2024

Paul Morigi/Getty Images

The Kennedy Center Honors (a tribute ceremony that celebrates contributions to American performing art) always provide us with iconic moments — like Anna Kendrick fangirling over Beyoncé and Cynthia Erivo performing "Alfie" for Dionne Warwick. And this year promises to be no different.

The 2024 Kennedy Center Honors will honor Francis Ford Coppola, the Grateful Dead, Bonnie Raitt, Arturo Sandoval, and The Apollo.

Squid Game season 2 — On Netflix December 26, 2024

JuHan Noh/Netflix

Despite the fact we all took games very seriously in elementary school, I'm sure we can all agree no game of Red Light, Green Light comes close to the one in Squid Game. And we're in for another round of nail-biting challenges when season 2 drops December 26. As for what to expect?

"As we all saw at the end of season 1, the main plot of season 2 will be revenge," actor Lee Jung Jae told All K-Pop. "The key figure who controlled the workings of the games in season 1 was Lee Byung-Hun...it seems that the two of us will be the central figures of this next story."

Squid Game season 2 stars Lee Jung-jae, Lee Byung-hun, Wi Ha-jun, Gong Yoo, Yim Si-wan, Kang Ha-neul, Park Sung-hoon, and Yang Dong-geun.

Dick Clark's New Year’s Rockin’ Eve — On ABC December 31, 2024

New Year’s Rockin’ Eve

If you ask me, there's no December TV show as iconic as New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. It's going to be the perfect way to ring out 2024 (and welcome 2025). Although I have to admit, I don't know how they're going to top Megan Thee Stallion, Jelly Roll, Sabrina Carpenter, and Tyla's performances from last year!

Dick Clark's New Year’s Rockin’ Eve is hosted by Ryan Seacrest.

Which December TV show are you most looking forward to? Don't forget to add these 12 Cozy New Christmas Movies On Netflix, Prime Video, Hallmark Channel, & More This Year to your watchlist!

Holidays are a 1000 times better with kids. From baking holiday treats together to getting in the spirit with DIY holiday decorations, everything about the festive season is new and exciting as they wait for the big day to arrive. My daughter recently turned 10 and there have been so many wins (and a few duds) under the tree that I thought I'd share our favorite gifts over the years (that are great for *all* kids, not just girls). From interactive toys to educational kits to gifts that will get them away from screens and excited for the outdoors, these unique gifts will inspire creativity and spark their imaginations while being totally fun too!

Woom Bike

My daughter has grown up with these bikes, from the Balance Bike to the Explore Bike with disc brakes, 7 gears and all-terrain tires, and she LOVES them. They're super light and glide easily, even the kickstand is so smooth. Woom Bikes are designed specifically for kids at every stage. They are pricier than other bike brands, but I find that they resell very quickly at a high price point so you essentially get your money back. Choose from an variety of colors and levels, and they even have a warehouse option for gently used Wooms.

Micro Kickboard Foldable LED Scooter

This is on our holiday wish list because my friend and her son love them so much. These scooters are Swiss-designed, three-wheeled, lightweight and durable enough for well kids. They conveniently fold for easy carrying and perfect for traveling and on-the-go and when your kiddo doesn't feel like walking (but you do).

Yoto Mini

For your future podcaster, this cute, compact audio player plays stories, music, and educational tracks. Kids just pop in a card for what they want to listen too and they can use it with or without headphones. It's great for long car rides!

Ravine Cooperative Game

This game says 12+ but we've enjoyed it at 7+. This hilarious game is set in the woods and you need to survive together with firewood, shelter, spears, and forest food while keeping your wits! It's great to bring along on a camping trip!

Hey Clay Bugs

Bug lovers can make cute clay bugs with 18 different colors of clay using an interactive app that shows kid-friendly step-by-step instructions. Think spiders, caterpillars, a praying mantis, snail, ladybug, and dragonfly to spark imaginations and build fine motor skills/spatial reasoning. Clay is nontoxic, wheat and gluten-free, nut-free, latex-free, and won't stick to hands.

Habbi Habbi Wand + Bilingual Flashcards

Expose the kid in your life to new languages like Chinese and Spanish with these fun kits. My daughter has learned a few Spanish words from this game, and she still loves it. The magnetic wand reads the words as kids read along with visual cues.

Etsy Wooden Slingshot

We love a good old-timey gift with a modern edge. These handmade wooden slingshots are perfect for any kid who loves to get outside and play, no matter what the weather. Each slingshot comes with 20 colorful felt balls for gentle play.

ROBUD Kids Explorer Kit & Bug Catcher Kit

Get them outdoors and exploring year-round with this magnifying glass, net, and bug exploration kit with carry bag. It has everything kids need to immerse themselves in exciting outdoor exploration.

We Are in an ACT-ivity Book!

For kids and parents who love the ELEPHANT & PIGGIE books as much as we do, these activity books are so much fun! My daughter loved his original We Are In An Art-ivity Book, which not only teaches so much about art but also encourages kids to create their own art show. In this theatrical event, readers discover how to be a set builder, prop maker, costume designer, playwright, and star of their own show.

3Doodler Start+ Essentials 3D Pen Set

Get kids interested in 3D printing and creating 3D art with this pen set designed with no hot parts, completely safe for kids aged 6+.

Mini Explorer Voice Changer

Kids can transform their voice with four hilarious voice-changing modes – Alien, Ghost, Monster, and Robot.

Rainbow Joy Potion Kit

Kids are natural mad scientists and love to experiment, making this potion kit a kid pleaser every time.

Zoom, Ooze & Explore Ultimate Science Lab

Budding scientists will have fun while learning to hypothesize, measure, mix and observe through these 15+ creative science experiments. Best for ages 8 and up.

FAO Schwarz Toy DIY Ultimate Slime Kit

This is perfect for kids who love to get their hands dirty in a fun, tactile, science-y way.

Kidamento Bear Digital Camera

This toy digital camera offers features like filters and frames, face recognition, a selfie timer and burst mode, plus an HD video option.

Mindware Pattern Play Puzzle

You know a good gift when the parents want to play too. These beautifully designed puzzles are perfect for building problem solving skills and creating artful displays. Kids follow one of the 40 pattern cards to design the brightly-colored blocks into varying motifs. The blocks can also be used to create endless freeform designs - so fun!

Toy Market Cart by Hearth & Hand with Magnolia

This cart can be anything your kid's imagination desires: a lemonade stand, a birthday cart, an advice stand a la Charlie Brown? It comes with open drawers in the back and a black board to name their business.

Mindware Colored Pencil Set

For the budding artist, this beautiful case of 36 already-sharpened colored pencils is a great gift for kids who love to color and create. The mix of classic colors and fresh hues makes all the kid drawings frame-worthy. Adults will love them too!

Personalized Afternoon Tea Set

We've had so much pretend tea over the years and I can't get enough over this customized tea set, including cake stand, cupcakes, and cake slices to share with friends, family, and dolls! ADORABLE.

Swingly Doorway Storefronts

These cute doorway storefronts are perfect for pretend play and performance play. My daughter uses them for puppet theatre and I've hung one where I door used to be in our hallway closet. Choose from a camper food truck to a Boba tea house to a farmer's market for your kidpreneur. Swingly helps parents create play spaces that inspire kids to think creatively and grow through entrepreneurial play.

Brown Toy Box

I'm a big fan of this brand and the woman behind it. Founded by a mom of four who wanted to see more representation in STEAM early development, this fun activity kit lets kids learn about coding and app development in an age-appropriate and culturally representative way.

Melissa & Doug Ice Cream Counter

We've ordered scoops and scoops of faux ice cream over the years and this one is delicious!

Little Lady Classic Collection Kit

Create a mini nail salon at home. Mani/pedis are one of our favorite things to do on a rainy day. Pick up these darling 7-free polishes for your next salon-at-home day. The bow is actually a ring they can wear post pampering! Vegan and cruelty-free too.

Play Mixer Kitchen Set

Littles can play chef or mimic mom and dad with this adorable (and affordable) wooden stand mixer. Rotatable beaters, a swiveling mixer head, and on-and-off button create an experience like a real mixer. This one's a fun add to any play kitchen!

Green Toys Tugboat

Bath toys are the best toys for bath, beach, muddy puddles, even snow! This floaty toy is made from 100% recycled plastic milk containers and safe for your little captain. No BPA, phthalates, or PVC. Mother Earth will thank you!

Paint By Sticker Kids: Outer Space

We are obsessed with these Paint by Sticker books as much as the kiddos in our life. From Outer Space to Mermaids & Magic, there's a theme for every kid passion. Get in a meditative zone with your little bud and choose from 10 sticker paintings, like a Mars rover, a space shuttle, and celestial bodies like Saturn, Jupiter, and the Sun. Plus, the back of each image includes a fascinating scientific fact *and* kids score glow-in-the-dark stickers!

Melissa & Doug Pet Vet Clinic

Kids love to play animal doctor and this set with a plush dog and cat, pretend play vet medical equipment, and a tote bag is perfect for all their veterinarian dreams.

Outfoxed Cooperative Board Game

Get the whole family a gift with this cooperative whodunit game for ages 5 and up. A wily fox has stolen Mrs. Plumpert's pot pie and is high-tailing it to the foxhole! You'll work together to gather clues and eliminate possible suspects. Figure out who is the guilty fox before they escape!

Surprise Ride Make a Model Plane Activity Kit

Aviation fans can make a model airplane while learning about Amelia Earhart with this fun kit. The 40-page book features a short story, facts and jokes about Earhart and aviation, along with a biplane wood model kit, art supplies, and a disposable apron.

Create Your Bright ideas Book

This interactive book written by our pal Jess Ekstrom is perfect for creative tweens and teens who want to be inspired to make a difference in the world.

Check out our Gingerbread Decorating Class to share with kids and subscribe to our email newsletter for more holiday gifting ideas. Follow us on Pinterest too for tons of holiday decor and recipe inspiration!

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