TikTok's Viral 'October Theory' Could Be The Reason You're Feeling So Good RN

october theory

Raise your hand if you've felt victimized by the rush to follow through on new year's resolution ideas! Now, raise your other hand if you finally feel like you're coming alive during fall! Great, we're feeling the same — and we promise it has nothing to do with our love for Halloween. Instead, the TikTok viral 'October Theory' may be the reason why it feels like we can breathe after another unprecedented year. But, is it viable or just another trend that everyone's going to forget about before the year is over (remember the lucky girl syndrome)? Also, what is it?

We chatted with psychotherapist, Kristie Tse, LMHC and traditional astrologer, Talisa Zampieri to get their hot takes about what the 'October Theory' is, whether you should pay attention to it, and how it may (or may not be) impacted by the stars.

What is the October Theory?

Vlada Karpovich

There are tons of TikTok videos that describe this theory in detail, but user @mindandbodymams describes it best. She says, "Because October is leading up to the ending of the year, people start looking at their lives and deciding what things need to be set into motion." She explains that this could look like making changes to your relationship, or starting a new job — it could even look like you starting a new hobby or letting go of a few bad habits.

Regardless, this all boils down to one thing: October is the perfect time to take a look at your goals and implement them before the end of the year.

Why is setting goals for the new year difficult for some people?

Ava Dillon

Thinking about the possibilities for the new year is so exciting, often leaving people inspired to make vision boards, write detailed resolutions, and dream big about what's to come. However, not everyone is thrilled about jumping headfirst into that energy. "Setting goals at the beginning of a new year can pose challenges for some individuals due to various psychological factors. For many, the pressure to start fresh and achieve immediate results can feel overwhelming, leading to procrastination or anxiety," explains Tse. As the clinical director and founder of Uncover Mental Health Counseling, she specializes in helping clients make empowered decisions during different seasons of their lives.

Other things like "past experiences of unmet resolutions can also create a sense of skepticism or defeatism," adds Tse. "Additionally, societal and familial expectations may cloud individual desires, causing internal conflict about what truly matters to them." According to Forbes, 62% of people feel like they have to participate in the new year's resolution trend. What's even more surprising is that over half of women "feel slightly more pressured to set a resolution" than 60% of men!

Tse surmises these very reasons ultimately makes things "feel daunting" which can hinder "goal-setting efforts." She says, "As a psychotherapist, I recognize that these barriers are deeply rooted in personal and cultural narratives, which can often dictate one's ability to set and achieve goals."

Is there a psychological reason why October feels like a fresh start?

Orione Conceição

Some people welcome fall with open arms — and subsequently the 'October Theory' — because it seems to promise a much needed reset. You're not alone if you feel this way, and Tse says there's a reason for this. "Many individuals feel that October symbolizes the beginning of their new year due to the psychological transitions associated with changing seasons. The start of autumn represents a shift from the energetic and social atmosphere of summer to a more introspective and reflective time."

Think about how excited you get to watch the leaves turn from green to rich hues of golden yellow, orange, and crimson. As they fall from their respective branches, this process can signify things that we may need to let go in order to make room for fresh things to grow. "The onset of fall can trigger an internal reset, prompting people to reassess their goals and intentions. Psychologically, this period might coincide with academic calendars or fiscal years, influencing how some structure their personal timelines," she continues.

Not only that, but Tse's seen how beneficial fall is because it can "help clients refocus and energize their commitment to personal growth and change." The more they do this, the more they start "aligning more naturally with their internal rhythms compared to the culturally enforced January start," Tse observes.

What about astrologically?

Orhan Pergel

Not only is it October right now, but it's also Libra season! So while there's plenty of psychology to support your stance on fresh starts right now, could it also be written in the stars? Intuitive tarot reader and founder of Two Wander, Talisa Zampieri thinks so. She says that Libra is a cardinal sign, and that because all cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn) fall on equinoxes and solstices, they're therefore "initiators of new seasons and change."

If you're not familiar with Libras in particular, no worries! Zampieri says, "Air signs are the connectors, visionaries, and communicators of the zodiac." She says this is because Libras are ruled by Venus, a "relational planet that governs our values." So the Libras in your life — and thus Libra season in general — may be more "focused on ideals, other people, and finding alignment."

Zampieri elaborates that Libra season actually illuminates the areas in our lives — usually specific to areas of our birth chart that we have Libra placements — that need to find that balance and alignment again. She says, "The general effect of Libra season is one of trying to rebalance where the scales have been tipped too far in one direction, beautifying our life, and coming to harmony."

Starting to sound similar to October Theory? We thought so, too! Not only are we able to cosmically recognize where w we might need to shift our focus during this time, but Zampieri also highlights another shift. She says that "around October 22 we shift into Scorpio season, which is the master alchemist and transformer."

Feeling the pull towards finding change and balance? Check. Actually acting on that pull? Check. The October Theory is practically tattoed in the fabric of the stars.

How can someone embrace the 'October Theory' in real time?

Megan Ruth

Though a 'theory' can sound quite rigid and academic, this isn't something that requires you to dismantle your life and start with a completely different set of rules to live by. It's actually simpler than you think. "To embrace the 'October theory' in goal setting, start by assessing the changes you feel during this season. Use this transitional time to reflect on personal achievements, unfulfilled aspirations, and areas of growth," Tse suggests.

For example, let's say one of your goals was to stop relying on delivery services like Instacart or Uber Eats as much. We know life gets busy, causing us to backtrack on our cooking goals. But instead of kicking yourself for not being consistent with making homemade dinner recipes, you can start by asking yourself what kind of meals you want to eat. That could be all the encouragement you need to wander your grocery store aisles more successfully — and more empowered!

Tse says, "Create small, meaningful goals that resonate with your true desires, rather than what may have been imposed externally. Consider incorporating themes of autumn — like letting go and transformation — into your objectives, which can offer a symbolic motivation." She encourages you to "release habits that no longer serve you or cultivate new practices that align with the person you aim to become."

The more you shut out outside noise and check in with yourself, the more you'll be able to become clear about things you truly want.

How can different zodiac signs set goals that feel authentic during this time?

Darina Belonogova

From an astrological POV, there are things we can do to make sure our goals feel aligned to us. Zampieri says, "The ways each sign can lean into this theory in a way that feels authentic to them is by looking at which astrological house Libra (and Scorpio) fall for them in their natal chart and aligning with its themes."

For example, she points out that for Libra risings, "this this transit is occurring in their 1st house of self, which amplifies the focus on self-development." On the other hand, Sagittarius risings will be affected differently. "This is their 11th house of friendship and so they can focus on their community and aspirations, etc."

If you're a Libra, one of your goals may be to get serious about your fitness goals or setting boundaries that feel true to you. If you're a Sagittarius, you may be focused on exploring friend date ideas that allow you to bond with your best friends — or you may even be exploring the potential for friendship breakups, letting go of the relationships that no longer serve them.

The point is, regardless of your sun sign, you have Libra somewhere on your birth chart. Once you recognize this area — and what that area represents — you'll be able to facilitate change more specific to your needs.

How can people stay consistent when pursuing new goals?

cottonbro studio

Pursuing new goals sounds fun until you realize you have to stay consistent, right? We've all been there to a degree — but there are ways to work around it, according to Tse. "Implementing structured daily rituals can create a strong foundation for consistency. Setting specific times for activities integrates them into your routine naturally," she says. This can look like setting alarms on your phone so you can allot time for whatever you want to do. But, why does this help us stay on track? "Tracking progress visually, like with a calendar, reinforces commitment," Tse shares.

If you're still struggling with procrastination, Tse says you can ask friends and other people you look up to for help, because "having someone to share successes and challenges with can keep motivation high." However, don't let your ambitious nature convince you that you have to tackle everything at one time. The last thing we want you to experience is burnout, so Tse has three key boundaries you can set in place:

  • Break the journey into smaller, manageable tasks to prevent feeling overwhelmed.
  • Connect each goal to a larger purpose or personal value to maintain passion.
  • Embrace setbacks as learning opportunities and adjust the approach, rather than viewing them as failures.

How can you remain authentic throughout yet another internet trend?

Polina Tankilevitch

Still on the fence about what goals you should be pursuing? Zampieri says to avoid what doesn't resonate with you. "If starting afresh now makes you feel good and you like to work under a deadline, set those new goals," she says excitedly. But, she's not convinced it's something you have to do if you're not 100% sure about the 'October Theory.'

"If you are naturally more drawn inward during this time of year and prefer to wind down instead, do that (particularly Scorpio risings as this is their 12th house natally which is more introspective). Don't let the internet pressure you into anything," she insists.

This is especially true if all the talk about setting new goals ahead of next year is triggering anxious thoughts. Zampieri says, "If someone feels negatively affected by the 'October Theory,' they can try to regain some perspective by looking back to last year instead," she Zampieri says. "Sometimes it is easier to see how far we've come by reflecting on where we were this time a year ago. Alternatively, someone can focus on the rhythm of the seasons instead: nature is naturally preparing to hibernate now and so can we."

Just because the 'October Theory' has gone viral doesn't mean your life will be incomplete if you're not participating in it. It's an interesting concept, but you should ultimately choose whatever feels closely aligned with where you are in life. No journey is linear, so don't worry about this timeline — but if you do need a boost, then this trend has you covered.

Whether you're looking for the next pumpkin spice recipe, mocktails to mix, or book club find, we've got you covered! Follow us on Facebook for all the latest!

Has anyone else felt like their mid-year reset skipped them...or is that just me? Truthfully, my mental health started teetering towards the beginning of the year while my self-care has taken a swan dive into a forgotten abyss.

In an attempt to redirect myself, I've hit pause on rom-coms and thriller books so I can have more time for peaceful introspection. It turns out escapism is fun until you realize how much you've been neglecting yourself.

There are so many titles out there, but these 15 self-care books are the most brilliant ones I've come across!

P.S. Some of these books are in heavy rotation! Keep them handy for the days you're feeling down!

Amazon

Consider This: Reflections for Finding Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab (October 15, 2024)

Therapist and bestselling author Nedra Glover Tawwab captured my attention with her titles Set Boundaries, Find Peace and Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships so much that I always have them on my desk. It's one of the reasons I'm so excited to dive into her new book, Consider This: Reflections for Finding Peace, next month!

It's almost as if she has secret intel, with all the precious nuggets she'll share that will help us center ourselves during tough moments. From friendly reminders to loving, but firm nudges, Tawwab provides guidance on everything from boundaries to finding joy during every moment.

Amazon

Slowing: Discover Wonder, Beauty, and Creativity Through Slow Living by Rachel Schwartzmann

Author and Slow Stories podcast host Rachel Schwartzmann is here to remind us to slow TF down. Between receiving new information at the speed of light and having busy schedules, it's no wonder we're so stressed! Instead of being controlled by work and business, Schwartzmann wants us to reimagine the way we live and create.

She has poignant essays about the positive effects of slowing down — plus, she introduces readers to other voices who have insight about their own experiences with doing so! There are even "guided practices" to help reignite our introspection and creativity through journaling.

Amazon

The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power by Katherine Morgan Schafler

Perfectionists, we've been summoned with a guide that wants to give us permission to stop trying to control everything. It's so funny — this book landed on my radar after stressing about how I haven't felt in control for a long time. See how life works?

Anyway, psychotherapist Morgan Schafler knows we've been spoon-fed ideology about having balance in our lives, and feels like it's actually not helpful in the long run. She even helps categorize different versions of perfectionism: classic, intense, Parisian, messy, and procrastinator. Yes, that's right. Your procrastinating habit is rooted in perfectionism.

Instead of telling you to get rid of a part of who you are, Schafler breaks down why we respond to things a certain way and teaches how to live life so that our perfectionism doesn't necessarily control every single thing we do.

Amazon

The Secret Language of the Body by Jennifer Mann and Karden Rabin

Do you know the role our nervous systems plays in our bodies? It's basically our in-house communication center for messages between our brains and bodies. It's what triggers or flight or fight mode, which comes in handy if we're trying to escape a bristly bear in the woods, but does nothing for us if we're upset someone cut us in line at Starbucks. Little moments like that lead to nervous system dysregulation and can cause a lot of pain.

Mind-body practitioners Jen Mann and Karden Rabin wrote The Secret Language of the Body as way to help us understand what truly goes on in our nervous systems. They dive into topics like somatic therapy, Polyvagal theory, and how our minds and bodies are connected so we can stop living in survival mode.

Amazon

The Joy of Saying No by Natalie Lue

You know what's even harder to navigate life with besides perfectionism? It's being a people pleaser and considering everyone else's feelings before you think about your own.

The Joy of Saying No aims to explain how this is often rooted in our childhoods from being known as the good kid to the one who believes overachieving makes them more likable. It's true these roles served a function, but they can also stop us from being who we are as adults. Natalie Lue wants to help us recognize how we continue to operate in people-pleasing mode via six steps so we can reset our connection to others.

Amazon

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA

I'm going to talk about this book forever! It's one of my go-to reads when I'm experiencing so much burnout I can barely think straight. Sisters Emily Nagoski, Phd and Amelia Nagoski, DMA know that burnout isn't a new phenomenon — nor are they claiming it is. What they do know is too many women continue to experience it and are determined to help us change course.

There's lessons about how to move through our natural biological stress cycles, check in with our brains when we're frustrated, and get intimate with our inner critics who live to remind us that we're not doing enough. It's written so beautifully that you'll feel like you're talking to a friend who majored in psychology, but still has the same down-to-earth attitude you first encountered as kids.

Amazon

The Sugar Jar: Create Boundaries, Embrace Self-Healing, and Enjoy the Sweet Things in Life by Yasmine Cheyenne

Yasmine Cheyenne's Sugar Jar metaphor is one of the easiest ways for us to realize how depleted we can become if we're not managing our boundaries and healing. From leaving our proverbial jars open, we become subject to energy vampires and moments we don't recognize we need to replenish ourselves until we're on the brink of burnout.

She teaches us how to understand what makes us feel exhausted, how we can press reset, and break up with our own negative habits. Also, she taps into our people-pleasing tendencies so we can find healthier ways to show up for ourselves and others.

Amazon

What It Takes to Heal: How Transforming Ourselves Can Change the World by Prentis Hemphill

Prentis Hemphill knows the past few years have left everyone feeling off balance which is why What It Takes to Heal was written. It's a call-to-arms to remind us that our healing isn't optional if we want to move forward in the world.

You'll learn how to pay attention to how our body responds to certain things, including our own habits, and you'll figure out how to stop bearing the weight of emotional burdens. But instead of being in isolation, Hemphill encourages you to embrace being part of a community.

Amazon

Sacred Self-Care: Daily Practices for Nurturing Our Whole Selves by Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes

Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes is offering helpful insights for how to being nurturing ourselves in Sacred Self-Care. As a psychologist, pastor, and activist, she's seen how hard it is for people to maintain a self-care practice that helps them navigate life.

As such, she's developed a seven-week guide filled with practices and activities that hone in on our emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health. With each passing day, you'll receive journal prompts and scriptures that will help set the tone for the day. It's like a devotional from a psychologist's perspective and that can be great if you rely on both therapy as well as religion to get through your days.

Amazon

You Are Only Just Beginning: Lessons for the Journey Ahead by Morgan Harper Nichols

Morgan Harper Nichols hasn't shied away from sharing her story and encouraging words with others on Instagram which is why it makes sense she's written You Are Only Just Beginning: Lessons for the Journey Ahead. She wants to help us embrace adventurous moments while sharing reminders that hard moments are temporary.

Sometimes all we need is a little courage to keep going when things feel bleak.

Amazon

The Book of Moods: How I Turned My Worst Emotions Into My Best Life by Lauren Martin

Have you ever felt burdened by mood swings? If so, I completely understand because I often question my own and so did author Lauren Martin. She hit a wall a few years ago even though it seemed like her life was perfect on the surface. No matter what she did, she couldn't shake feeling inferior of irritable. It wasn't only she crossed paths with another successful stranger who felt the same that Lauren begin to seek to understand her emotions.

The Book of Moods: How I Turned My Worse Emotions Into My Best Life is a recollection of Lauren's journey and how she learned to find peace. She talks about varying triggers everyone has faced and blends her own wisdom with science-backed evidence to help us make informed decisions.

Amazon

Self-Care for Moms by Sara Robinson, MA

Moms are often praised for our ability to be self-sacrificing and resilient in the face of hardship, but I'd be lying if I said it felt like people seem to forget we're human. We do care a lot and have the warm nurturing nature everyone talks about, but we also have our limits lest we fall victim to burnout.

Self-Care for Moms offers over 100 activities designed to remind moms how to pour into ourselves daily. Whether it's a 5-minute phone call or hour lunch with a friend sans kids, it's time for us to reclaim the way we care for ourselves.

Amazon

How We Heal: Uncover Your Power and Set Yourself Free by Alexandra Elle

Alexandra Elle has shared her moving anecdotes with the internet since Tumblr, eventually becoming a bestselling author who continues to remind us to come home to ourselves. In How We Heal, she aims to help us rediscover peace by focusing on healing.

Broken into four parts, you'll find everything from journal prompts to meditations that tackle our innermost emotions. She even shares bits of her personal experiences so you feel less alone.

Amazon

Dare to Feel: The Transformational Path of the Heart by Alexandra Roxo

If you're on the other spectrum of emotions that includes burying them, Dare to Feel encourages you to do the opposite. Although you may feel repulsed by the idea of cracking your heart open, trust that it's metaphorical. This is an invitation to connect with yourself, life, and others past a superficial level. You'll come across poems, meditations, and more that help you fall in love with being in tune with your emotions in this moving book.

Amazon

Girl On Fire: How to Choose Yourself, Burn the Rule Book, and Blaze Your Own Trail in Life and Business by Cara Alwill Leyba

What's self-care without a reminder that you are THAT GIRL? Instead of questioning your worth, Girl on Fire wants you to start remembering who you truly are.

From encouraging you to not see other women as competition to offering tips for how to navigate the vision you have in your heart, you'll learn how not to let life and business get you down.

You'll feel empowered by the end of Girl on Fire and that's the point!

Still feeling stuck? We have more self improvement books to help you navigate the rest of 2024!

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

Tyra Banks' modeling days aren't over — after 20 years away from the catwalk, she's about to don her angel wings yet again for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. Not only is Tyra one of THE '90s It Girls, but she had us all "smizing" and practicing our own modeling skills for years with America's Next Top Model.

Thankfully, Tyra's back on the runway after her two decade hiatus, helping to revamp the highly controversial lingerie show alongside some other incredible models. And she's not the only big name helping to revitalize the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show — an iconic diva for the ages is taking the stage, and let's just say you'll want to "turn back time" to watch her performance again and again.

Here are all the exciting details you need to know!

What is the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show?

Frank Micelotta/Getty Images

Once known as one of the United State's most popular lingerie brands, Victoria's Secret created a fashion show to showcase popular lingerie designs with the help of gorgeous models, reimagined angel wings, and an amazing musical score to boot!

Debuting in 1995, this show highlighted lingerie in a way that was previously unheard of, and it really caught the attention of the fashion industry (via Fashionista). However, it wasn't until 1997 that the well known "Angel" collection for the brand was introduced to the public. According to Fashionista, Tyra Banks was actually the first person to wear the famous 'wings' onstage, starting a lasting legacy.

Why is the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show controversial?

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Victoria's Secret

This will be the first Victoria's Secret fashion show to premiere on TV since 2019, and that's sadly due to controversy that plagued the brand. While they attempted to bring the show back in 2023, people weren't showing as much interest in watching, so the brand made the difficult decision to cancel, according to NBC News. This is probably due to the horrific comments it's parent company's former chief marketing officer, Ed Razek, made in 2018.

He didn't see the need to include transgender models that were usually seen on the runway "because the show is a fantasy," (via NBC News). Razek later tried to clean up his original statement by saying, "We've had transgender models come to the castings ... And like many others, they didn't make it ... But it was never about gender," but the damage was done.

Things continued to go downhill for the brand when its models penned and signed a call-to-action letter to CEO John Mehas. It made a connection to L Brands' CEO Leslie Wexner's friendship with the disgraced and deceased Jeffrey Epstein along with rampant sexual misdeeds in the entire fashion industry (via NBC News). Yikes...

Plus, many people didn't feel like these shows embodied body positivity, only showcasing traditionally thin women on the runway. As of this year, it seems like the brand is committed to change, though.

When did Victoria's Secret announce the 2024 Fashion Show?

Theo Wargo/Getty Images for Victoria's Secret

Victoria's Secret shared a cute reel on Instagram in May about the return of the fashion show. It wrote, "We've read the comments and heard you. The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is ✨ BACK ✨ and will reflect who we are today, plus everything you know and love—the glamour, runway, wings, musical entertainment, and more! Stay tuned…it only gets more iconic from here. 🪽#VSFashionShow," in the caption. For the most part, fans seemed eager to see the models, lingerie, and energy of the show on their TV screens again.

Who's going to walk during the 2024 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show?

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Victoria's Secret

Besides Tyra Banks, fans will get to see Adriana Lima, Jasmine Tookes, Gigi Hadid, Ashley Gragam, Barbara Palvin, Candic Swanepoel, and Behati Prinsloo strut their stuff on a sleek runway. We can't wait to see who else we'll see!

Who's performing during the Victoria Secret's Fashion Show?

Kevin Winter/Getty Images for iHeartRadioGettyImages-2131529424.jpg

The iconic Cher will be headlining the Victoria's Secret fashion show which is making us beyond excited for the explosive music we'll hear. Also, singers Tyla and Lisa from Blackpink will be performing!

When does the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show premiere?

Noam Galai/Getty Images

We'll get to watch the fashion show tonight at 7 p.m. ET! This means we've got a little less than four hours to watch the magic unfold!

Where can I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show?

Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images

The Victoria's Secret fashion show will be available to watch on Amazon Prime! It'll also stream on YouTube, so be sure to check back closer to that time if you don't have a Prime subscription.

Are you excited to watch the Victoria's Secret fashion show? Let us know & follow us on Facebook!

My best friends and I always have conversations about who we were in our 20s compared to being in our 30s. Needless to say, considering we're no longer sweating profusely in house parties until 5 a.m. or nursing wild hangovers that left us crouching near toilets the next morning, hilarity often gives way to gratitude. Yeah, we're willing to admit we were fun, hot messes 12 years ago. We're still fun, but we're a little more refined in this season of adulthood.

The beautiful thing about aging is how much growth accompanies it. I'm calmer, more patient, and less prone to pettiness when I feel offended (thanks therapy). Seriously, my self-improvement makes me want to hug the confused, scared, and insecure girl I was in my 20s.

Since I physically can't do that, I like reflecting on the differences I've noticed about myself in my 30s compared to my 20s. I wouldn't say I'm a completely different person, but at the same time there are plenty of changes.

P.S. I'm still learning how to embrace change so circle back when I'm almost 40.

Fikry Pradana/Pexels

I Thought I Still Had To Be The 'Good Girl'

My mom used to get a ton of comments about how well-behaved my sister and I were, but I didn't know I was internalizing them until it was too late. I used to thrive on not being considered a disappointment by church members, people at school, and adults in public. All of that praise made the moments I did make mistakes or do typical kid stuff feel like I was a complete failure.

Every comment about how rude, selfish, and sexual kids my age were emphasized they were things I felt like I had to avoid. I was the girl who didn't care about boys or dating until I did. I was also the girl who participated in purity culture and regaled my virginity as something sacred. Any rule there was, I followed them as much as possible.

But, I eventually saw this left little room for "error." To add insult to injury, there were people who would make comments about my biological dad I tried not to embody. I didn't want anyone to think I'd head down the same path because they thought I looked or acted like him.

The thing about being the "good girl" is that people expect you to perform for them all the time. It's tiring and unrealistic to expect a young adult to fit into every expectation the world has because we're all bound to mess up. I know firsthand how it feels to make mistakes and think you're going to be canceled for the rest of your life because you failed in the eyes of others. It's a lonely and depressing feeling that can follow you unless you get to the root of it.

Ogo Johnson/Pexels

Genuinely Liking Myself Felt Like An Uphill Battle

Being a people-pleaser is probably why I didn't even like myself. It's not that I didn't know who was, but I filtered between settings. Either I thought I wasn't enough or I believed I was too weird to be genuinely liked. There was also belief that my skin color wasn't the "right" shade and my hair wasn't the perfect length.

So, I was always baffled when someone showed interest in me. I thought they only showed interested in me out of pity or some crazy dare just like She's All That or Cruel Intentions. My mindset was, "If I don't like me, why would anyone else?"

My self-esteem was in the dirt and I was the one refusing to nuture it because I genuinely didn't know how.

Pixabay/Pexels

Finding "The One" Was My Roman Empire

Sigh. 20-something Jasmine was fixated on falling in love with "the one" because of all the Disney movies and TV shows I watched that revolved around adults in relationships. I searched for my perfect prince and even thought I'd found him right before I turned 20.

I started dating this guy and fell in love for the first time. It was one of those relationships where we talked all the time and experienced multiple moments of jealousy. Still, I thought he was going to be the person I married so I began molding myself to be everything he liked.

I changed the way I dressed, started listening to music he liked, and even dimmed my personality so I wouldn't be "too much" for him. And when we called off our engagement after he wanted an open relationship, I ended up asking him for forgiveness. 🫠

It took him being low-key verbally abusive for me to snap out of my self-imposed, "He's the one" fog. The day I grew a backbone and called him everything under the sun was the moment I stopped making falling in love my personality.

Samson Katt/Pexels

I Assumed It'd Be Easy To Start My Career

I partially blame my love for Livin' Single, Sex and the City, and The Devil Wears Prada for believing I'd be able to become a career girl with little effort. Okay, that's not true. I knew I'd have to work hard, but I didn't realize that started a journalism career wasn't as easy as 1-2-3.

I assumed I'd be able to get my foot in the door, but felt crushed when I realized a lot of places wanted someone who had completed an internship. Since I was focused on fashion journalism and couldn't figure out my college trajectory for a while, I didn't know how I'd get my foot in the door while living in Georgia.

My mom wasn't a fan of me going to New York either, so I started giving up on starting a career. It seemed like I was placing too much stress on myself to hit a milestone by a certain age. So, I decided to cut my losses and worked at a law firm for 10 years. It's ironically the place I was able to learn the valuable lessons I'm now applying to my career.

Leeloo The First/Pexels

Believing Healthy Relationships Were Perfect

My little stint with my ex-boyfriend made me believe healthy relationships were the opposite of what we had; that they were perfect. You should've heard the way I started weaving in therapy speak to explain why healthy relationships were so great and full of boundaries, especially since I'd never been in one.

I had no idea that relationships still experience highs and lows, nor did I know how to navigate disagreements. I was still on edge from my last relationship because I'd think, "No man would ever speak down to me again." Can you imagine bringing this energy to a relationship with someone who's willing to work towards having something healthy?

Thank goodness for growth!

Elina Fairytale/Pexels

I Expected Parents To Be Perfect

I'm not proud to admit this, but parents used to annoy me when I was in my 20s. I thought my generation had lied about what makes a great parent because it felt like there weren't any. If you ever wanted to meet someone who had their head up their a— about parenting, I was your gal 10 years ago.

Honestly, I said a lot of biased and downright awful things about parents when I didn't have a child. I used to judge parents for letting their kids scream in public and even judged my own parents for not knowing how to handle every situation the way I thought they should. The truth is, I thought parents were supposed to be the all-knowing heroes in their kids' stories. People who could handle anything life threw at them. It just never really occurred to me that parents were individuals who have their own trauma, desires, fears, etc.

Also, I milked the whole being child-free thing. I'd think things like, "That person is just miserable because they're stuck being a parent." As a mom with a toddler who has severe eczema, I cringe at how much of an entitled a—hole I used to sound like. I think it's partially why I understand the "childfree by choice" comments, but can't get with the crowd who tries to pit their choices above others'.

My Mindset In My 30s

Anna Nekrashevich/Pexels

Getting Focused & Honing My Skills Helped Me Start My Career

I have no problem telling anyone who'll listen that I wasn't prepared to start my career in my 20s. I was wildly all over the place, had no self-esteem, and couldn't stay focused on one thing to save my life. Everything I'm doing in my career requires confidence, a willingness to accept constructive criticism, and extreme focus.

At any given time I'm juggling two assignments at once, preparing for an interview, or trying to organize my inbox so I can respond to emails. This is usually accompanied by keeping an eye on my toddler, so it's the perfect time for me to handle so many responsibilities since I get to work from home.

What helped me get to this point is learning how to recognize when I was getting overwhelmed by things instead of spiraling. I haven't mastered it, but I'm able to notice when I need to take a step back to redirect myself. Sometimes this looks like going for a walk, taking a quick shower, or focusing on things I can see, touch, hear, and smell.

The other thing I credit with helping me prepare for my career is practicing like I already had it. I started blogging in 2014 and would interview other content creators like I was already getting paid to do it. This prep, along with seeking out remote internships or publications I could write for, helped me truly understand what my current role entails.

SHVETS production/Pexels

Going To Therapy Helped Me Accept And Love Myself

I'm still learning how to love me in every season of life, but I credit my mom for introducing me to therapy. I frequently tell her how much she saved my life because I don't know where I'd be without it. I've mentioned it before, but this is where I learned how to confront certain narratives I believed about myself.

From believing I had to perform for others' approval to questioning my worth as a young Black woman, I was able to start peeling back the layers of things I'd internalized from childhood. Once I did that, I could truly see myself and it was scary at first.

I'd spent so much time running away from who I am that I didn't know if I was capable of accepting what I saw. But, the therapists I worked with did such an amazing job of helping me do just that. I still have to recite a few affirmations in the mirror from time to time, but it feels good to rely less on the opinions of others.

I can actually hear my own voice in my head instead of past bullies or adults who didn't realize how harmful their "jokes" were. That's priceless to me in my 30s.

Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels

Healthy Relationships Aren't Perfect...At All

I think there's still a huge belief that people who have relationships we admire must be perfect. As someone who's been actively working on having a healthy relationship with her fiancé, I'm here to tell you there's nothing perfect about it.

Do we curse at each other or physically fight? No, never have. Have we experienced moments of intense jealousy? Also no. But, we've had to learn how to navigate each other's traumas and personal quirks. We've certainly had to relearn how to prioritize each other after becoming parents which has been TOUGH. I'm talking two years of "I don't really like you at all right now."

If I was in my 20s, I probably would've left because I wouldn't have wanted to deal with anything that didn't feel perfect. I mean, who wants to be willingly stressed out by their partner when both people are dealing with something new and are sleep-deprived + scared?

But I've realized it's not enough to say you want to have a healthy relationship with someone. Setting boundaries, learning to communicate, and being accountable takes work. The reality is that you're not always going to be on the same page with someone you love, and it's okay to agree to disagree.

My fiancé and I have 10 years under our belts so we've had a chance to navigate our 20s together. There's been a lot of growth and apologizing. We both feel that we're doing a great job, even when we have 10 minutes where we really don't want to talk to each other.

That's the other beautiful thing about healthy relationships being imperfect. You start picking up on each other's cues and can say things like, "I'm going to sit over here for a bit and I'll come back once I calm down," instead of having so many big arguments.

It feels good to say I don't need my fiancé or myself to be perfect. We have love, respect, a desire to learn, and a commitment to navigating all the changes that occur in life. That's more than enough.

Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

Becoming A Mom Opened My Eyes About A Lot

When I made the decision to be okay with my pregnancy in 2020, my feelings were crushed by someone close to me during my first trimester. I'd already started panicking about my past comments about parents, but I was also worried about how society would see me once it realized I was about to become a mom.

It was heartbreaking to feel like I was already being attacked for how I was choosing to think about my child. I didn't think it was a conversation I'd need to have because I assumed that person would accept my choices the way I'd always accepted theirs. That fateful interaction made me realize how easy it is for people to put their truths and identities on a pedestal over others. Sometimes it's unintentional, but it doesn't hurt any less.

It also made me start examining my own internalized biases. Eventually I started freeing myself from the idea that people are supposed to be one way vs. the other. I also gave myself permission to understand that people will say and do things no matter how I feel. That any of us could follow every last "rule" imposed on us and someone would still have an issue with me. Basically, my people-pleasing ways started to disappear over time.
The other thing I truly understand is that parents aren't perfect. This is not me glorifying imperfections to the point I think I can get away with anything, but it is an acknowledgement. Yes, I've been in and out of therapy since I was 20. Yes, I have the tools and resources to be more self-aware. But, none of this means I've arrived at the pinnacle of perfection. If you ask me, I don't even think it exists anymore.
Perhaps the best thing I've learned since becoming a mom is how hard parenting is. There's not enough planning, money, or love in the world that can make it a breeze. It's the literal act of being responsible for someone outside of yourself and I think doing it on a daily basis means it'll always be accompanied by mistakes, just like anything else we do in life. But it's oh so worth it.

What are some differences you've noticed about yourself in adulthood? Let us know on Facebook!

Header image via Olga Lioncat/Pexels

The holidays are slowly approaching, and thank goodness, because it means all of the yummy fast food holiday menus are on their way. If you can’t get enough of a seasonal drink (perhaps a little peppermint action), listen up: Dunkin’s holiday menu for 2024 just got leaked! Rumors about the Dunkin’holiday menu for 2024 have been swirling around online, and based on the drink and snack predictions for the lineup, it looks extra good.

Plus, one of Dunkin's rumored menu items is filling the void in my heart from a missing drink on the Starbucks rumored holiday menu. Hint: it involves toasted white mocha!

The Dunkin’ holiday menu for 2024 is speculated to drop on November 1, six days before Starbucks’ rumored holiday menu will hit. Scroll on to see everything *reportedly* joining the Dunkin’ menu next month!

When will the Dunkin' holiday menu for 2024 drop?

Meredith Holser

According to some menu leaks and rumors surrounding the Dunkin' holiday menu, a new lineup of drinks and snacks will become available starting November 1, 2024.

Per usual, the famed foodie account, @markie_devo, broke the news about the Dunkin' holiday menu leak first.

Drinks On The Dunkin' Holiday Menu 2024

Dunkin'

NEW! Holiday Cookie Signature Latte

This festive new latte is reportedly made with brown sugar cookie and toasted almond syrups and topped off with whipped cream, caramel drizzle, and a scoop of cookie butter crumbles. Sounds like a totally sippable dessert to me!

Dunkin'

NEW! Brown Sugar Cookie Oat Iced Chai Latte

Allegedly only available to order through the Dunkin' app, the Brown Sugar Cookie Oat Iced Chai Latte sounds like it'll combine brown sugar cookie syrup with oat milk and chai to usher in the holiday season. Based on previous menu offerings, you should be able to get this drink iced or hot.

Dunkin'

Peppermint Mocha Latte

The Peppermint Mocha Latte is a classic when it comes to the Dunkin' holiday menu, so I'm not surprised it's reportedly slated to return this year. This bev features peppermint and mocha syrups, espresso, and milk, topped with a hefty serving of whipped cream, mocha drizzle, and hot chocolate powder. Bring it on!

Dunkin'

Toasted White Chocolate Latte

No shade to Starbucks, but their rumored holiday menu for 2024 kind of broke my heart when I saw the Toasted White Mocha from years past wasn't coming back. Luckily, Dunkin' is seemingly filling the void with their Toasted White Chocolate Latte: a sweet, white chocolate-filled sip topped with whipped cream, caramel drizzle, and cinnamon sugar topping!

Dunkin'

White Hazelnut Bark Coffee

Reportedly available hot or iced, this coffee is prepped with a Dunkin' toasted white chocolate swirl, hazelnut flavoring, and cream. Any seasonal drink that has nutty notes wins in my book!

Dunkin'

Spiced Cookie Coffee

Another reported "in-app only" drink joining the Dunkin' holiday menu, the Spiced Cookie Coffee will likely also be available to order hot or iced. I expect this bev to taste just like a snickerdoodle cookie!

Dunkin'

Cookie Butter Cold Brew

I am so excited about this cold brew drink allegedly coming back for the holidays at Dunkin'. The Cookie Butter Cold Brew is made with brown sugar cookie syrup and topped with cookie butter cold foam and a scoop of cookie butter crumbles for extra crunch. Stay tuned, because there's apparently a sweet snack joining the menu to match!

Dunkin'

Toasted White Chocolate Coconut Cold Brew

This rumored app-exclusive cold brew will include notes of white chocolate and coconut – I need it now.

Dunkin'

Peppermint Mocha Hot Chocolate

This anticipated app-only sip nixes the expected espresso for a very chocolatey (and peppermint-y!) effect.

Snacks + Food On The Dunkin' Holiday Menu 2024

Dunkin'

NEW! Hash Brown Brisket Scramble

Dunkin' has tested a number of breakfast Scrambles over the years, which is why I'm not totally shook by this rumored food item coming to the holiday menu for 2024. Per menu leaks, this iteration will feature hash browns, scrambled eggs, shredded brisket, smoked cheddar cheese, poblano peppers, caramelized onions, and of course, a rich Texas queso.

Dunkin'

NEW! Almond Croissant

The rumored holiday menu will also allegedly bring the Almond Croissant to Dunkin's breakfast lineup. It'll be a butter croissant filled with chopped almonds!

Dunkin'

Cookie Butter Donut

Yep – I need this in my belly ASAP. The Cookie Butter Donut is packed with a cookie butter filling, slathered with maple-flavored icing, then dipped in a delish speculoos cookie topping (tastes just like Biscoff cookies)! Sweet treat, anyone?

Subscribe to our newsletter to stay updated on the official Dunkin' holiday menu once it drops!

With peak summer travel becoming more crowded and expensive, I prefer to get away to some dreamy destination in the off season for a quieter escape. From scenic fall escapes to beachy destinations, November offers something for every off-season traveler. Cultural festivals, early holiday markets, and natural beauty (plus migrating whales!) make it the perfect time to plan an escape. Bonus: many destinations have off-season rates, allowing you to save on your travel budget while enjoying some of the most coveted destinations in the U.S. and around the world. Bon voyage!

Mendocino, CA

Shutterstock

Mendocino is a hidden gem on California’s northern coast that should top every ocean lover's bucket list. This charming village is a blend of charming Victorian architecture, modern eco-friendly boutiques, and breathtaking Pacific views. Take the journey through majestic redwoods to this cozy town in November when you might spot whales spouting off the rugged coast, and when the Mushroom Festival takes place (Nov. 16-17) , as part of the larger Harvest Mendocino. Stay at the centrally located MacCallum House for beautiful accommodations, from rooms in the historic mansion to private cottages, suites, a converted barn, and even a standalone home. Many rooms come with private hot tubs or jetted spa tubs, and stunning ocean views—plus, it's dog-friendly! Don't miss dining at the MacCallum House Restaurant, where farm-to-table dishes like Pan-Seared Scallops or Wild Mushroom Risotto pair perfectly with local Anderson Valley pinot or a refreshing Elderflower Martini. Unwind by the lush gardens or near the fire pit, then head to Catch-a-Canoe & Bicycles, Too (located at Stanford Inn & Resort) for an unforgettable paddle experience on the beautiful scenic Big River Estuary. Whether by canoe, kayak, or SUP, you'll have the chance to spot harbor seals, sea otters, and many bird species. There's wine tasting too! Visit Lula Cellars in Anderson Valley for a taste of world-class California wines and toast a perfect weekend getaway.

Athens, Greece

Despina Galani/Unsplash

With iconic landmarks like the Acropolis and the Parthenon, Athens offers a glimpse into ancient Greece, but it’s also a hip metropolis with bustling markets, lively cafes, and a thriving arts scene. November is cool enough to wander around and still experience clear blue skies. Explore world-class museums, enjoy fresh and delightful Mediterranean cuisine, and wander through charming neighborhoods like the Plaka and Monastiraki. With a unique mix of ancient ruins and modern life, Athens is the perfect destination for history buffs and adventure seekers.

Buenos Aires, Argentina

Shutterstock

Buenos Aires blends the best of my three favorite cities: the Parisian elegance in the Recoleta neighborhood, the bustling energy of NYC in Palermo Soho, and a touch of Roman charm that permeates the rest of the city. November springtime is the best time to explore this beautiful South American city. Food lovers will enjoy amazing Argentine steaks (paired with a glass of malbec, ofc), while those in search of culture can explore museums, theaters, and cool street art. Tango your way through the city’s traditional dance halls, admire the diverse architecture, and walk the colorful streets of La Boca (shown above). Even catch a football match!

Oaxaca, Mexico

Ale Cisneros/Unsplash

Oaxaca is a stunning place to experience Día de Muertos (Nov. 1-2), where families build ofrendas, or altars, at home and decorate the city in colorful marigolds. The city hosts festivals, costumed parades and candlelit vigils in honor of loved ones lost. Visit markets full of handmade treasures, and explore historic landmarks like the Santo Domingo Church and ancient Zapotec ruins at Monte Albán. The city is also a foodie paradise, offering traditional dishes like mole and tlayudas, a toasted tortilla covered with refried beans, cabbage, avocado, meat, Oaxaca cheese, and salsa. Home to mezcal, Oaxaca has many places to sip tequila's tastier cousin. Tour the Montelobos distillery or sip it poolside at The Hotel Parador de Alcala, an 18th-century mansion in the city's historic center.

The Berkshires

Shutterstock

November in the Berkshires is ideal if you're looking for a slower pace surrounded by New England’s stunning fall foliage (for the best views head up to Mount Greylock, shown above). Located in western Massachusetts and part of the Appalachian Mountains, the Berkshires offers natural beauty plus antique shops, farm-to-table restaurants, and luxury spas. Explore the scenic trails and visit historic sites like Edith Wharton's home, Ventfort Hall Mansion and the Gilded Age Museum, which is just five minutes away from Life House, a charming stay in the town of Lenox (decor lovers will swoon).

Aspen, CO

Soly Moses

You can still catch breathtaking fall views around the Rocky Mountains in early November, even as snow starts to blanket the mountain landscape. Popular trails like Rio Grande and Smuggler are quieter this time of year and make for a peaceful respite before the holiday rush. Known for its world-class ski resorts, Aspen becomes a winter wonderland as the ski (and après-ski) season kicks off in late November. Beyond the slopes, enjoy the town’s luxe hotels, sumptuous dining options like Mawa's Kitchen and Acquolina, and charming boutiques. Aspen also has an impressive arts scene, with galleries and music and film events around the area to enjoy.

Maui, HI

Neora Aylon/Unsplash

Visiting Maui in November is the perfect serene escape with fewer crowds and more affordable stays. Wailea’s Restaurant Week (Nov. 5-11) offers gourmet dining at a fraction of the cost, and the Made in Maui Festival on the first of the month provides the perfect opportunity to find unique Hawaiian souvenirs. Catch a sunrise at Haleakalā, pop by Maui's delicious food trucks, or relax under swaying palms. November also marks the start of whale watching season. Catch a glimpse of migrating humpback whales along the peaceful shores.

Lisbon, Portugal

Tom Byrom/Unsplash

Lisbon in November offers the best blend of mild weather, fewer crowds, and more affordable prices. Explore the city’s landmarks, like the Belém Tower and Jerónimos Monastery, and hop the iconic canary-yellow Tram 28 through historic neighborhoods like Alfama and St. George's Castle. November is also an excellent time to enjoy Lisbon’s vibrant café culture and sample traditional pastries like pastéis de nata. Experience local festivals and events, such as St. Martin’s Day on November 11, which celebrates the end of the harvest. Lisbon’s charming cobblestoned streets, tiled hilltop homes, and relaxed pace make it a perfect crowd-free autumn getaway.

Chiang Mai, Thailand

Shutterstock

In November, Chiang Mai transforms into a magical city with its Yi Peng and Loy Krathong festivals. Thousands of floating lanterns light up the sky during Yi Peng, while candle-lit boats, or krathongs, glide down rivers as part of Loy Krathong, both coinciding with the full moon. The city enjoys dry days and highs in the mid-80s, making it perfect for exploring over 300 temples, including Wat Chedi Luang and Wat Phra Singh. Escape to the peaceful Doi Inthanon National Park, home to Thailand’s highest peak, and after, head over to the bustling Chiang Mai Night Bazaar.

Key West, Florida

Shutterstock

Catch the perfect Key West weather in November with warm temperatures and low humidity. Enjoy outdoor activities like snorkeling in crystal-clear waters, sailing, or strolling around this charming city. Stop by historical sites like Ernest Hemingway’s homeand the iconic Southernmost Point. November also brings fewer tourists and fun events like the Key West Film Festival (November 18-22) and the Annual Stone Crab Eating Contest on November 4. With stunning sunsets, fresh seafood, and a laid-back vibe, Key West in November is the tropical paradise calling your name.

Palm Springs, CA

Aran Mtnez/Unsplash

The November temperatures in Palm Springs hover around 78 degrees, making it an ideal time to explore the area. Stay at the Saguaro Palm Springs (shown) for a colorful yet affordable option (under $200/night). Hike scenic trails in nearby Joshua Tree National Park or take a short drive to Borrego Springs for amazing stargazing under the clear desert skies. The city’s gorgeous mid-century architecture shines this time of year, as does its lively arts scene. Bring the girls for a spa trip and enjoy gourmet dining for a luxe desert retreat during the more comfortable fall season.

Canary Islands

Eugen Sacalî/Unsplash

The Canary Islands, a Spanish archipelago off the coast of northwestern Africa, is a dreamy destination in November. Tenerife, the largest island, offers famous beaches and some of the best stargazing in the world. Explore the colonial architecture of La Laguna and La Orotava, or enjoy fresh seafood in the quiet fishing village of Garachico. The island’s volcanic interior provides stunning landscapes perfect for hiking, while Santa Cruz offers a taste of modern art and architecture. November is also ideal for whale watching, but make sure to seek tours with certifications, like Whale Wise Eco Tours, which use solar-powered boats.

New Zealand

Shutterstock

November in New Zealand kicks off the beginning of spring, making it the perfect time to explore its natural beauty, from the vibrant green hills of Hobbiton to the dramatic fjords of Milford Sound to the big cities like Auckland and Queenstown. Enjoy hiking, cycling, and water sports, and wine tasting. Just a short ferry ride away from Auckland is Waiheke Island, known for its vineyards, beaches, and art galleries. Hike up Mount Eden too, anextinct volcano for stunning views of the city.

Check out our weekly newsletter for more travel inspo!