An Ode to My Freshman Year Roommate, and an Overdue Apology for That Diary Entry

Dear Lumi: Will I ever be worthy of being loved romantically? I have never been in a relationship, and I’m scared I will never be. I have so much love to give, but I don’t think I’ll ever have the chance to show it.

Bean, Illinois

• Sun sign: Virgo
• Rising sign: Cancer
• Moon sign: Gemini

Dear Virgo: I understand where you're coming from, as many people feel this way these days. Here’s a little personal story from my journey: In my early 20s, I was pretty inexperienced in love and pressured by societal expectations to settle down by 30. Sigh...

I went to great lengths to attract a partner, even dabbling in spells and misleading manifestation techniques. Please tread carefully if you're trying this. Instead of finding true love, I drew a series of “ghosts” and situationships. I felt I had so much love to offer, but it all led to emptiness and eventually a toxic relationship with someone I thought was my soulmate, but turned out to be my karmic partner. There’s more to this story, but let’s save it for another time.

The end of that relationship led me to discover the essence of self-love and self-acceptance, eventually stepping into my own worth. Astrology has become a guiding light for me in that regard — and can be for you, too.

​Let’s Talk About Your Rising Sign & How It Defines Your Relationship Standards

In astrology, examining your rising sign can offer profound insights. With Cancer rising, your soul yearns for deep, emotional connections. Creating a biological or soul family may bring you joy and fulfillment. Opposite Cancer is Capricorn, which governs the 7th house of your birth chart — the area that reveals the type of partners you need and what you should embody to feel complete, whether you’re with someone or not. A Capricorn-ruled 7th house suggests that a structured, secure, and straightforward partner will align with your needs. If you find yourself in a relationship that feels stagnant or uncertain from the start, it’s a sign that you’re not embodying Capricorn’s qualities, and it might be time to move on.

Your natural tendency to give and care deeply for others stems from a place of genuine concern and desire to ensure everyone’s well-being. However, it’s crucial for you to seek security from within. Feeling at home in your skin and living in the moment are great starting points.

Avoid individuals who offer unrequited love or broken promises. You may have an intuitive sense that you might overlook — trust it. By becoming more aware of your physical and emotional responses to others, you can discern between genuine connections and energy-draining situations. Establishing a practice of quiet reflection and observation can facilitate understanding the root of your heightened emotions.

The core message here is to build security within yourself and extend grace and understanding to yourself throughout your journey. It’s perfectly okay to be single right now; you're worthy of attracting a partner who will cherish all of you. To find the love of your life, you must first love yourself — not in a self-centered way, but by honoring your own needs and boundaries. Saying no to situations and people not aligning with your sensitive soul will make you stronger than you realize. The Universe will respond with an endearing relationship by practicing this because you’ve learned to honor yourself.

With Love and Stars,

Lumi

​How Your Rising Sign Cultivates Self-Acceptance and Attracts the Love You Need

Like an outfit, your rising sign showcases your personality, identity, and perception of the world. What if I tell you that the rising sign can also attract the love you need in your journey? Think of your rising sign as your energy and how you embody it. It's the mirror we carry, and by our energy, we can keep it clean and pristine or murky and distorted. Sometimes, we cannot stand what we see in ourselves, and that channeled energy emanates outward, creating distortion-filled experiences. When this happens, you lose your 'main character' energy, which results in you leaving your life to chance rather than writing your chapters. When you embody complete self-acceptance and happiness within yourself, these are the key ingredients in powering up your rising sign and your 7th house.

As you begin to feel at peace, love, and harmony to the best of your ability, this will attract what you desire in your life and in love. The world will respond and reflect back all that we project. It’s that simple. Our rising sign is responsible for this active energy, and learning how to master it, will be the key to help you understand the nature of your personality while also attracting your dreams. The ascendant is the portal of your experiences, good and bad. Now that we understand the gist of the rising sign, let's explore your rising sign and how you can tap into your main character energy.

​Love Alchemy: How Your Rising Sign Shapes Relationships

Aries Rising

Aries Rising radiates a bold, adventurous energy, often attracting equally spirited partners. To attract the love of their life, they should embrace their assertiveness and passion. By channeling the competitive energy of their 7th house (Libra), they can cultivate harmony in relationships without sacrificing their individuality. Self-acceptance means recognizing their fierce independence while being open to collaboration and compromise. The dynamic energy of Mars empowers them to attract a partner who admires their fiery spirit yet values partnership.

Taurus Rising

Grounded and sensual, Taurus Rising can attract lasting love through their nurturing nature. Their 7th house energy in Scorpio encourages depth and intensity in relationships. To manifest their ideal partner, Taurus Rising must embrace their inner beauty and the pleasure of self-care. By embodying their desire for stability and security, they can project an aura of comfort and reliability, making them irresistible to those seeking genuine connections. Venus, their ruling planet, enhances their allure, helping them draw the right kind of love.

Gemini Rising

With a quick wit and charm, Gemini Rising attracts partners through intellectual stimulation. Their 7th house in Sagittarius encourages exploration and adventure. To attract their soulmate, they should openly embrace their duality and communicate their needs and desires. Their self-acceptance journey involves acknowledging their inquisitiveness while finding ways to ground themselves in relationships. Mercury, their ruling planet, sharpens their communication skills, enabling them to draw in a partner who shares their passion for life and learning.

Cancer Rising

Cancer Rising embodies warmth and nurturing energy, making them deeply appealing to potential partners. Their 7th house in Capricorn requires a balance between emotional depth and practical commitment. To attract a lasting love, Cancer Rising should accept their need for security while being open to vulnerability. Utilizing their emotional intelligence to discern their connections creates a safe space for love to flourish. The Moon, their ruling planet, enhances their intuition and empathy, helping them attract a partner who values their nurturing nature and ambition.

Leo Rising

Confident and charismatic, Leo Rising draws people in with their radiant energy. Their 7th house in Aquarius encourages them to seek uniqueness in relationships. To draw in the love they need, Leo Rising must embody self-love while giving space for individuality. By embracing their creativity and leading with generosity, the Sun, their ruling planet, inspires them to attract a partner who appreciates their vibrant spirit and shares their vision for a progressive, loving partnership.

Virgo Rising

Practical and detail-oriented, Virgo Rising has a unique charm that attracts partners seeking stability and support. Their 7th house in Pisces invites them to explore relationships' emotional and spiritual aspects. Virgo Rising should love their imperfections and the beauty of vulnerability to attract an epic partnership. By cultivating self-acceptance and finding joy in the little things, Mercury, their ruling planet, helps them draw in a partner who appreciates their grounded nature while encouraging emotional exploration.

Libra Rising

Charming and harmonious, Libra Rising attracts partners through their innate ability to create beauty and balance. Their 7th house in Aries prompts them to be more assertive in love. Libra Rising must embrace the desire for partnership to attract their ideal partner while also recognizing the importance of self-identity. Being bold in expressing their needs will ignite their main character energy, as Venus, their ruling planet, empowers them to draw in a partner who values connection and independence.

Scorpio Rising

Intense and magnetic, Scorpio Rising naturally attracts people with their enigmatic presence. Their 7th house in Taurus urges them to seek relationship stability and loyalty. Scorpio Rising should tap into their emotional depth and learn to communicate openly to attract the love they desire. Valuing their worth is vital to mastering their life path. By engaging in self-love and finding a balance between their passionate nature and a desire for security, Pluto and Mars, their ruling planets, will manifest in attracting a partner who appreciates their intensity and commitment.

Sagittarius Rising

Adventurous and free-spirited, Sagittarius Rising attracts partners through their love of exploration and philosophy. Their 7th house in Gemini encourages communication and curiosity in relationships. To attract their ideal love, Sagittarius Rising has to tap into their quest for knowledge while remaining open to commitment. By cultivating self-worth and expressing their authentic self, Jupiter, their ruling planet, guides them in drawing in a partner who shares their passion for adventure and intellectual pursuits.

Capricorn Rising

Disciplined and ambitious, Capricorn Rising manifests partnerships through their drive and determination. Their 7th house in Cancer encourages them to explore emotional depth in relationships. To attract lasting love, Capricorn Rising should tap into their nurturing side and allow themselves to be vulnerable. By practicing self-love while balancing their ambitions with emotional availability, Saturn, their ruling planet, aids them in attracting a partner who admires their strength while valuing emotional connection.

Aquarius Rising

Innovative and independent, Aquarius Rising draws in partners with their unique perspectives and humanitarian spirit. Their 7th house in Leo invites them to ignite creativity and passion in relationships. Aquarius Rising must acknowledge their desire for freedom while recognizing the value of connection to attract the love they desire. By embodying their authentic and unique self, Uranus, their ruling planet, inspires them to draw in a partner who appreciates their individuality and shares their vision for a better world.

Pisces Rising

Dreamy and compassionate, Pisces Rising attracts partners through their empathetic and intuitive nature. Their 7th house in Virgo encourages them to seek practicality and service in relationships. To attract true love, it's vital for Pisces Rising to embrace their sensitivity while grounding themselves in reality. By practicing self-love and setting healthy boundaries, Neptune and Jupiter, their ruling planets, will manifest a partner who appreciates their depth and aligns with their desire for meaningful connections.

Understanding your rising sign can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth. Exploring your ascendant's unique traits and energies will help you get to know yourself and all its shades and how you navigate love and relationships. This awareness empowers you to embrace your authentic self and enables you to identify patterns that may hold you back. As you align with your rising sign's essence and ruling planet, you can cultivate more happiness and confidence, opening pathways to attract meaningful connections and experiences that resonate with your true essence. Embracing your rising sign invites you to step into your main character energy, allowing you to write your story with intention and authenticity.

Why do people want to share their relationship status with others?

My sister used to ask me this question when I was in my 20's, and I always looked at her like she had two heads growing. I couldn't fathom the idea that people wouldn't want to talk about their relationship online because it felt like everyone was doing it. I mean, a study from Pew Research Center shows 8 in 10 people on social media see relationship posts, so it clearly wasn't outrageous to think it was normal.

But, that still doesn't answer why people are drawn to sharing cute little updates about their partner or relationship. Luckily, Bray has a good indication of what drives people to give others a sneak peek into their lives. "People share their relationship status for all kinds of reasons. Some want to mark their territory — nothing says 'back off' quite like a cute couple selfie! Others are just excited and proud of their partner and want to share the joy," she says. That stems from people's "need for a sense of belonging or to receive positive reinforcement from others," she adds.

But, this doesn't necessarily make people weird. It's just human nature that makes us act the way we do. "We as humans are just hard wired to seek connection, and broadcasting our connections, makes us feel more accepted and secure in our social lives."

Should couples have conversations about their social media expectations?

I don't care how hot you think someone is, you're going to have to learn how to communicate with them. It's true even if your chemistry is off-the-charts because healthy relationships don't fall out of the sky. They're built via honesty, respect, forgiveness, and other important factors.

Before assuming your partner is or isn't okay with you posting about your relationship, Bray is 100% convinced you should talk things through. "Social media is still in the wild west of relationship etiquette, and without discussions, assumptions about 'correct' behavior can run wild," she hints. For example, you could be happily posting about your partner only for someone to point out that they're not following you on social media.

"Some people are super private, while others practically live their lives online. Misunderstandings happen when expectations aren't laid out so talking about it can prevent messiness in the long run," Bray observes.

If two people have gone on a couple of dates, should one of them be upset if the other isn't publicly talking about them?

So, you swiped right on Tinder or Bumble, and you had a few amazing dates with one of your matches. Before you start publicly declaring your love for them, Bray wants you to reconsider. "Hold on! It's just a few dates! Let’s pump the brakes. The early stages of dating is not the time to make grand social declarations," she declares. As someone who tried to 'date' people from Tinder, those first few dates aren't a guarantee that you've found the love of your life.

"Posting someone on social media can feel like a big step to some people so expecting that level of public commitment too soon might be too much pressure. If you’re already thinking, 'Why haven’t they posted about me yet?' after two dates, it might be a good time to check in with yourself about where those expectations are coming from," advises Bray.

I've recovered from my former, "Is he the one" obsession so also take it from me — see where things go first and then refer back to question #2!

Is it a red flag if someone doesn't post their partner on social media?

It would be so much fun if we personally had Dustin Poynter, the flag guy, from TikTok helping point us in the right direction — but this is one of those things that errs on the subjective side. Though Bray doesn't feel it's necessarily healthier to keep your relationship private, she thinks "context matters." "Some people are just more private or feel weird about social media in general," she says.

But, that doesn't mean certain behaviors don't warrant a few eyebrow raises. She notes," If someone is super active on social—like posting about their dog’s morning routine and every cupcake they’ve ever had—but doesn't ever mention their partner, it could create a need for a deeper conversation." Before you feel justified about grilling your partner — as satisfactory as that may feel — take a second to breathe.

Bray would prefer you work to understand "why they don't post, rather than assuming your partner is keep you a secret." If you discover the latter to be true, follow your instincts and let that person go because you don't deserve that!

Do you think it's healthier for couples to keep certain aspects of their relationship private?

Everyone has a different view of what makes a romantic relationship healthy, so this is one of those things Bray says, "absolutely depends on the couple" because some "genuinely enjoy sharing their lives online." You've probably seen your share of couples who make cute content together whether they're married or not. I'd be lying if I said I don't specifically keep up with a few whose content makes me smile.

But, other couples may not be interested in sharing their relationship online because they "want to be private and keep the relationship free from the judgements or opinions of others," according to Bray. That's not to say they have something to hide, though. Instead, think of it as a personal preference.

"As long as both partners are on the same page and it’s not a source of tension, it’s all about finding the balance that works for them. If it starts to feel like a performance for likes rather than genuine connection, though, that’s where it can become problematic," Bray reminds.

How can someone bring up their partner's posting habits without sounding accusatory?

You may feel eager about posting about your partner while they're less enthusiastic and this could make you feel upset. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're already upset, but Bray feels "tone is everything." Ironically, she suggests something I've heard in therapy sessions and that's "to be curious, not confrontational." Hopefully this stopped you in your tracks if you were ready to give your partner a piece of your mind.

"You can say something like, 'Hey, I’ve noticed we haven’t shared much about each other on social media? What’s your take on sharing stuff about us online?' It’s important to frame it as a mutual exploration of rather than a demand for a public declaration," Bray points out.

What would you tell someone who wants to emulate couples who consistently post content together?

We've all seen couples who we think have the cutest relationship, even though we've never met them before. As much as you may admire a couple, Bray thinks it's a "slipper slope" if you want to try to recreate their online moments. "I’d encourage someone to focus more on what makes their own relationship feel fulfilling, rather than chasing #couplesgoals," she encourages.

However, this isn't a sign that you're not supposed to ever share anything about your partner or relationship! "If posting together feels fun and real, go for it! But if it starts feeling like a performance or that you are in competition with other couples, it's probably good to take a step back," she warns.

Also, keep in mind that social media doesn't show you every single moment of couples' lives so don't worry about trying to look picture perfect based on a 30 second to 30 minute video.

Speak Now Spritz

Very few combos scream "Halloween" like purple and glitter. This Halloween cocktail is totally magical, and it's so pretty, it's basically party decor! (via @thespritzeffectfor Brit + Co)

Vampire's Kiss Cocktail

This is one Halloween cocktail that tastes good *and* looks good. Add it to all your spooky get-togethers to totally freak out your guests. Bonus points if you're dressing up as a vampire for Halloween! (via Brit + Co)

Cranberry Is The New Black Halloween Cocktail

Did you know that black vodka exists? Well, thankfully, it does, and it goes effortlessly into this sparkling cranberry drink. (via Brit + Co)

Black & Orange Rum Punch

It's a Halloween party, so there has to be some orange and black on the menu. This delicious rum punch is a welcome change from all of those pumpkin drinks out there. (via Brit + Co)

Blood Bones Halloween Cocktail

This campy cocktail is something your guests will be talking about all night. Prep your Jello bones ahead of time using some molds, and there's no need for any other garnish. Unless, of course, you want blood bags for the drinks. (via Brit + Co)

Ghostly Halloween Cocktail

Turn your cocktail a ghoulish hue by mixing red and green food coloring together with Chambord. Dry ice added before serving makes the drink smoke like a spooky potion. (via Brit + Co)

Apple Cide-Car

This spin on the classic Sidecar cocktail is like the grown up (and tastier) version of bobbing for apples. You can serve this Halloween cocktail hot or cold, depending on your preference. (via Brit + Co)

Zombie Cocktail

This delicious drink uses rum for a fruity, tropical finish that will remind you of summer – even on Hallow's Eve. (via A Couple Cooks)

Apple Butter Old Fashioned

Put your fall stock of apple butter to good use in this Old Fashioned recipe. The tart-sweet apple flavor mellows out bourbon's fiery bite for smooth sipping all night long. (via Half Baked Harvest)

Prosecco Punch with Cranberry + Orange

Tangy cranberry and sweet orange set this Prosecco punch apart, giving it a festive harvest flair. Change up the cranberry and orange ratio until you find a mix that you like the best. (via Chattavore)

Eyeball Martinis

Make your guests squirm with this ingenious Halloween hack. Stuff some Spanish olives into cocktail onions, and they look just like eyeballs – ready to grace your glass with gross. (via Sprinkles & Sprouts)

YoCo Vodka’s Monster Halloween Cocktail

To make this spooky sip, add 1 ½ oz YoCo Vodka, ¾ oz Lemon Juice, 1 oz Black Raspberry Liqueur, ½ oz Simple Syrup, and ½ tsp Activated Charcoal to a cocktail shaker. Fill the shaker with regular ice and shake vigorously. Strain into a glass, add 1 pea-sized Dry Ice Chip on top, and watch your "monster" come alive! (via YoCo Vodka)

Death Eater Negroni

This moody take on the Negroni is the drink your Harry Potter-themed party craves. (via Half Baked Harvest)

Hallowine Sangria

Here's a sweet sangria to add to your spooktacular holiday list! It's made with Cabernet Sauvignon, sugar, orange juice, orange liqueur, and club soda. Easy! (via The Seasoned Mom)

Spooky Punch

This tasty fruit punch gets a spooky upgrade when you swap the fruit garnishes for faux spiders. Serve in small glasses or go big with fancy goblets that would make Dracula proud. (via Culinary Hill)

Glow-in-the-Dark Infected Brain Cocktail

If you're into the blood and gore of The Walking Dead or 28 Days Later, this bright concoction may be right up your alley. While it's not quite as eerie as a brain hemorrhage shot (eek!), this whole drink glows in the dark thanks to the tonic water, so serve it when the lights go out. (via Boulder Locavore)

Pulparindo

Natali Villarruel, National Tequila Ambassador for Mi Campo crafted this stellar cocktail inspired by Halloween candy. “This drink is a throwback to my childhood growing up in Mexico and the Pulparindo candy we’d get on Halloween," she said. To make it, shake 1.5 oz Mi Campo Reposado, .5 oz Ancho Reyes Liqueur, and .5 oz lime juice with ice before straining into a glass. Top it with some Jarritos Tamarindo, and get ready to gulp! (via Mi Campo Tequila)

Haunted Orchard Cocktail

A mysterious rustling noise in the orchard... a mist creeping in between the trees... it sounds like after your apple picking adventure, you could use a drink! (via Half Baked Harvest)

Magic Cotton Candy Martini

Impress your friends with an alcoholic magic trick by playing magician mixologist at your party. Pour shaken grape juice and vanilla vodka over cotton candy, and watch it dissolve into a delicious syrup to sweeten your Halloween cocktail. (via The Cookie Rookie)

Toil & Trouble

Craving a Hallowen cocktail that's a bit more elevated? This recipe from Elvie's in Jackson, Mississippi infuses edible glitter into your holiday elixir. To make it, combine 1.5 oz black sesame-infused scotch, 0.5 oz Cathead Hoodoo Chicory liqueur,0.5 oz Cocchi sweet vermouth, and 2 dashes blood orange bitters with some edible glitter! (via Elvie's)

Pomegranate Cider Mimosas with a Salted Caramel Rim

Start your Halloween celebration early by serving up these pomegranate cider mimosas. Of course, it wouldn't be trick-or-treating season without adding some candy to the mix with the salted caramel rim. (via How Sweet Eats)

Beetle Juice

This Halloween cocktail boasts a haunting blood red color, perfect for spooking your friends with. To make it, shake 1.5 oz Espolon Blanco tequila, 0.75 oz Grand Marnier Cordon Rouge, 0.75 oz orange juice, 0.5 oz lime juice, and 0.5 oz beet syrup over ice. Strain the mix into an iced glass and garnish with an orange slice! (via Grand Marnier)

Clonakilty Witches Brew Cocktail

This drink pays homage to Ireland's myths and legends through the essence of Samhain, which is, essentially, the ancient Celtic version of Halloween! To make it, mix together 1.75 oz Clonakilty Port Cask Whiskey, .5 oz orange juice, a splash of ginger ale, and garnish it all with an orange slice. (via Clonakiilty Distillery)

Witches Brew Cocktail

Use regular or black vodka to make this eerie cocktail. The recipe *also* includes a special hack for rimming the glasses with colorful sugar. It's scary good! (via Sprinkles & Sprouts)

The Grave Digger Halloween Cocktail

This creepy cocktail mixes bourbon, hard cider, and ginger ale for a drink that will make even the scariest of demons disappear. (via Boulder Locavore)

Sour Frankenstein Halloween Cocktails

What makes these cocktails *so* delightfully sour? Homemade margarita mix, shaken with freshly squeezed limes. Oh, and that's not real blood on the rim — just a little corn syrup and red food coloring. (via The Girl On Bloor)

The Quick Demise Halloween Cocktail

You wouldn't think that a drink with such a poisonous name would be good for you. With ingredients like carrot, lime, and orange juices, this cocktail is more likely to extend your life... rather than end it. (via Best Friends for Frosting)

Spider Bite Cocktail

Give the *illusion* of a spider's web, without having to deal with the real thing (or having to clean up a party prop!). This Halloween cocktail is bright and colorful, which is perfect for anyone who's not a huge fan of darker decor this time of year. (via A Beautiful Mess)

Vampire's Drip Cocktail

If vampires had access to these boozy milkshake-inspired cocktails, maybe they wouldn't be thirsting for blood all the time. Yum! (via Half Baked Harvest)

Ilegal Mezcal Margarita de Granada

This spookily strong Halloween drink is powered by mezcal. To make it, add 2 oz Ilegal Mezcal Joven, 1 oz agave syrup, and 0.5 oz pomegranate juice to a shaker, shaking well until chilled. Strain into a rocks glass with fresh ice, garnish with pomegranate seeds and a lime wheel, and you're set to sip! (via Illegal Mezcal)

Slow Cooker Vampire Punch

It's always a nice gesture to make a special drink for guests who don't consume alcohol. Simmer this mocktail punch in the slow cooker so they can help themselves whenever they get thirsty — it'll also make your house smell deliciously like cinnamon. (via Boulder Locavore)

White Widow Halloween Cocktail

Sure, a black widow sounds scarier, but this white widow will knock you out with one swing (or swig, ha!). Garnish the top with a black gel icing web that will catch all of your Halloweentime prey. (via Best Friends for Frosting)

Witch's Brew Cocktail Recipe

You certainly wouldn't catch any self-respecting witch with a single beer. She would most definitely be drinking a fabulous purple cocktail, complete with a glitter spider garnish. (via Pizzazzerie)

Pumpkin Beer-mosas

Pumpkin juice (like they drink in Harry Potter) is mixed with pumpkin beer for a brunch drink that's truly autumnal. (via Growing Up Gabel)

Candy Corn-Infused Vodka

Didn't think the all-time best Halloween candy (we know it's an unpopular opinion, but still, the right one) could get any better? This infused vodka will make you think again. (via Kitchen Treaty)

Diplomatico Rum Blood Moon Negroni

To craft this delicious Halloween negroni, stir 1 part Diplomatico Mantuano with 1 part sweet vermouth and 1 part of a bitter Italian aperitif over ice to chill. Strain into a rocks glass with a big block of ice, then garnish with grapefruit peel! (via Diplomatico Rum)

Poison Apple Cocktail

These spookily sour cocktails emulate everything you love about a margarita and make it Halloween-friendly. (via Crowded Kitchen)

Pumpkin Margaritas

The season's favorite ingredient gets blended into a frozen sip that'll leave you with the spooks all Halloween long. (via Clean Cuisine)

Smoke & Mirrors Halloween Cocktail

Love a Halloween cocktail, but aren't a huge fan of spooky drink accessories? This sip is equal parts sweet and smokey, and features one of our favorite ingredients: orange blossom water. (via A Spicy Perspective)

Halloween Punch with a Severed Hand

You can create an icy 'severed hand' using a glove for this big ol' bowl of spooks. (via The Edgy Veg)