6 Signs You're Outgrowing Friends & What To Do About It

1. Finally schedule that lunch date you've been putting off

Have you written down a list of friend date ideas that didn't come into fruition this year? That sounds similar to our own sad plans that never left the notes app on our phones. One of the first things Murray suggests is to schedule a lunch date with your friend.

It's not a romantic situation, but simply an uninterrupted time where you and friend can give each other your undivided attention! You can talk about everything from work to reminiscing about the time one of you fell flat on your face in front of your crush.

2. Have a weekly FaceTime session

Technology has finally evolved to let us see the people we're talking to, friends and family included. It's a great way to connect with someone if you don't live in the same state or haven't seen each other in a while. " In the days of FaceTime and video calls, distance is not necessarily a barrier to friendships lasting for many years — and in some cases, distance can actually nurture relationships as it gives both people the space to breathe and live their lives," says Murray.

3. Vow to have phone recaps of your week to dish about your annoying co-worker or celebrity gossip

When life feels busy and you just need someone to dissect the latest Blake Livelynews with, you need a friend to recap your week with. Murray says, "Sometimes too much pressure to meet up in-person or integrate the friend into your day-to-day life can actually put a strain on the relationship, especially if routines or other relationships are not compatible with one another."

This helps you to stay connected to your friend without forcing each other to sit in a crowded bar just to strengthen your connection after work.

4. Surprise your friend with a birthday card

You can always give your best friend a birthday card in the mail, but planning ahead to have one show up in her physical mailbox is just as thoughtful! She'll enjoy that you decided to go the extra mile to send celebratory snail mail to her. Of course, you're free to still surprise your friend in person! Throw in a mini dessert and small gift to see your friend burst with excitement!

5. Snap a picture of a cute pair of Target shoes your friend has been eyeing

If you stop by your local Target and see the pair of shoes she won't stop talking about. Take a picture of them to let her know they're in stock and have her size. She'll appreciate you for thinking of her and may even Cash App you the funds to get them for her. Murray says doing this can "go a long way to show the other person that you care about your connection with them."

6. Verbally tell your friend how much they mean to you over dinner

After you've cooked your friend's favorite meal, sit down and tell that how important they are to you. "Affirmative statements like 'You are really important to me' and 'I value this friendship so much' can be things we tend to shy away from because they feel vulnerable," Murray shares, "but they can go a long way in solidifying the friendship and contributing a sense of closeness and security."

7. Be honest when you're unable to be 100% present in your friendship because work is super busy or you're having family issues

In a perfect world, we'd always have time for our friends. But things can come up that can derail even the most intentional person's friendship plans. It shouldn't be assumed you're a terrible person because you're unable to spend as much time with your friends, but communication is key.

"If something is going on with you personally that’s getting in the way of you showing up in your friendships the way that you want to, the best thing you can do is communicate. Even if you don’t want to talk about it, letting them know 'I’m sorry I haven’t been super present in our friendship lately, I’ve had a lot going on with family and I’ll fill you in when I feel more ready to talk about it' can help communicate to your friend that you’ve got something personal going on, and you’re not pulling back from them because you don't care," advises Murray.

8. Establish an understanding that your friendship may shift with different stages of life (i.e. marriage, having kids, relocating, etc.,)

This may be confused with a red flag, but it's not. As much as we wish we had all the free time in the world, life just isn't set up that way unless we're a part of the 1% that gets to make the rules. Even at that, I'm sure their attention is pulled in different directions. Murray says she understands this stage of life, however.

"When life gets busy, it can be really hard to find time to prioritize your friendships. And the older we get, the busier life becomes. As you get older, it is ok to acknowledge that you just may not have as much time for some friendships, and focus your energy on the few that matter most to you," she shares.

One of your goals shouldn't be trying to force yourself to make time for friends when things are super busy in your life. "When you spread yourself too thin, you can end up not really feeling connected to anyone at all," Murray adds. What she suggests you do is let "your friends know what's going on" or find a way to do "things that are less of a time commitment like sending a quick text or stopping by to say hi after work."

They're amazing "ways to stay connected if it feels at all possible" along with "inviting your close friends to participate in whatever is going on (maybe as a study buddy or on a double date with you and your new partner," according to her. All of these things create room for "feeling close even when life gets hectic!"

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Slavens' tips include the following:

1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

What is color therapy?

Color therapy is a holistic, non-invasive modality used for the body. Historical figures such as Pythagoras (circa 2,500 years ago) applied “color light” therapeutically, while “color halls” were used as a means of treatment in ancient Egypt, China, and India. The modern medical pioneer patron of color therapy was Niels Finsen of Denmark in 1877. He discovered that visible light was how ultraviolet or red light energy could heal wounds, bacterial infections, or scars. Sounds familiar? In this present, infrared light therapy is used for pain relief, improved sleep, inflammation, facials, detoxes, and more. Knowing this, you can see why color and light restores our mind, body, and emotional needs.

There are many ways in which you can work best with color therapy. To implement physical changes, you can update your selection of colors in your clothing, nail colors, makeup palette, or home decor. For the mind and emotional system, you can work with colors through visualization practices like art, meditation, or a color therapy lamp.

How Can Color Therapy and Astrology Work Together?

Color therapy works by frequency or wavelengths of colors, which can have a physiological or psychological impact on our well-being. Using appropriate colors guided by your zodiac sign can rebalance or harmonize your body’s energy centers. How can color therapy integrate with your zodiac sign? It begins by knowing and working with your Sun sign, granting you more confidence and understanding regarding your direction. It extends our overall vitality and spreads endless radiance in our lives. It fuels our well-being and emits light wherever it touches in the birth chart. In principle, our Sun sign is our destination point, our identity. Now, the Sun Sign is where we can reach that higher level of understanding about our process and how we will experience fulfillment in this life. Incorporating color therapy guided by astrology can help you obtain confidence, and when you feel balanced, you make sound choices.

​How Colors Align With Zodiac Signs

Observing the astrological signs, they are all categorized within the elemental values. Starting with fire, the signs Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius are placed within this element. These signs hold precedence over the esoteric realm of spirit as they are meant to initiate, inspire, and teach. Fire tones are within the spectrum of golds, reds, and oranges.

The signs Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn reside within the earthy realm. They are supportive, detailed, and persevering in nature. The earth element enables humanity to take a firm stance involving patience or consistency. Deep greens, grays, and navy are colors that hold a grounded energy for these signs.

The signs Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius inhabit the air element. Those who hold this element strongly have the skill to circulate a constant flow of ideas, remain stimulated, and effectively communicate. Air energy guides humanity in the exchange of information, negotiation, and evolution. For clarity, the colors that best support these signs are yellows, pastel blues, or electric blues.

Ending with Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces, these signs embody the water element. Natives with a strong water element are receptive to others' feelings and can be intuitive. They can also conjure creativity, withstand intensity, and dive deep into the world of dreams. Colors such as purples, deep reds, or soft greens can help these signs invoke self-love and confidence.

Colors for Each Zodiac Sign

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

Personality Traits: Aries is bold, energetic, and daring, often leading the way with confidence and courage. They are natural-born leaders who take on challenges fearlessly.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Colors like red and orange help Aries channel their energy and passion. These colors promote confidence, courage, and an enhanced sense of purpose to match their bold nature.

Taurus (April 21 – May 21)

Personality Traits: Known for their patience, determination, and deep connection to nature, Taurus seeks stability and grounding. They are steady and reliable, with an appreciation for beauty and luxury.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Earthy tones like green and brown are ideal for Taurus. These colors promote relaxation, groundedness, and stability, aligning with Taurus' need for balance and connection to nature.

Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

Personality Traits: Gemini is versatile, adaptable, and intellectually curious. They thrive on communication and change, with a playful and creative side. Their dual nature makes them curious and full of ideas.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Bright yellow and light green stimulate mental agility, creativity, and versatility for Gemini. These colors foster communication and mental clarity, enhancing their natural curiosity and adaptability.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

Personality Traits: Compassionate, intuitive, and deeply connected to family and emotions. Cancer nurtures others and seeks emotional fulfillment. They are protectors and caretakers.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Soft white, silver, and pale blue promote emotional healing, inner peace, and nurturing energy. These colors align with Cancer’s need for emotional well-being and tranquility.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Personality Traits: Leo exudes warmth, creativity, and pride. With their strong sense of self, they seek recognition and joy, and they inspire others with their vitality and passion.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Gold, yellow, and orange help Leo amplify their natural creativity and vitality, enhancing their self-expression and sense of pride. These warm colors increase confidence and fuel their dynamic energy.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Personality Traits: Virgos are known for their perfectionism, sharp intellect, and organizational skills. They are reliable, practical, and thrive on productivity and efficiency.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Soft green and blue are ideal for Virgo, promoting balance, healing, and clarity of mind. These colors assist in maintaining a calm and focused environment, supporting Virgo’s need for order and tranquility.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Personality Traits: Libra values harmony, beauty, and fairness. They seek balance in all aspects of life, often striving for peace and cooperation in their relationships and surroundings.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Pastel colors, particularly light blue and pink, promote peace, harmony, and emotional balance. These soft hues help Libra maintain their sense of equilibrium and enhance their diplomatic nature.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Personality Traits: Scorpio is intense, passionate, and deeply transformative. Known for their mystery and depth, they possess great inner strength and are drawn to uncover hidden truths.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Deep red, black, and maroon channel passion, power, and transformation for Scorpio. These intense colors align with their transformative nature and help them harness their strength.

Sagittarius (November 21 – December 21)

Personality Traits: Sagittarius is adventurous, optimistic, and philosophical. They love exploring new ideas, cultures, and places and often share wisdom and joy with those around them.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Purple and deep blue enhance spiritual growth, adventure, and wisdom. These colors stimulate the Sagittarian desire for exploration and wisdom while supporting their boundless optimism.

Capricorn (December 21 – January 19)

Personality Traits: Capricorn is disciplined, ambitious, and pragmatic. They take a methodical approach to life and are determined to achieve their goals through hard work and patience.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Earthy tones like gray, brown, and navy support Capricorn’s need for focus, discipline, and groundedness. These colors help them stay on course and maintain a practical mindset.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 19)

Personality Traits: Aquarius is eccentric, innovative, and idealistic. They value independence and individuality, often challenging the status quo and embracing forward-thinking ideas.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Electric blue and purple enhance mental clarity, innovation, and independence. These vibrant colors support Aquarius' need for originality and their intellectual pursuits.

Pisces (February 20 – March 21)

Personality Traits: Pisces is intuitive, empathetic, and imaginative. Known for their dreamy and artistic nature, they deeply connect to the spiritual and emotional realms.
Chromatherapy Suggestions: Soft green, seafoam blue, and lavender promote relaxation, creativity, and intuition for Pisces. These calming colors enhance their dreamlike state and encourage emotional balance and creativity.

​Color Therapy Visualization Technique

Now that you know which color vibrates with your zodiac sign, you can use this visualization technique to connect more with your Sun sign. Color therapy is a powerful tool for balancing energy, emotions, and well-being. By using the healing properties of colors, you can encourage emotional release, relaxation, and revitalization. Each color carries its frequency and vibration, which can help align and support different aspects of your life, from physical health to mental clarity.

This color therapy visualization technique will guide you through grounding, relaxation, and energetic renewal. Connecting with the colors that resonate with you will activate healing energy within your body and mind, clearing away any negative or stagnant energy. It’s a simple yet powerful practice that you can do daily to restore balance and promote a sense of calm and well-being.

Energetic Healing Visualization Technique

1. Position yourself comfortably or sit in a lotus position. Place your left hand over your heart area.
2. Take a deep breath through your nose, then exhale slowly through your mouth. With each breath, feel your body becoming more relaxed.
3. Focus on the soles of your feet and imagine an energetic pull grounding you, anchoring you in the present moment.
4. Take another deep breath, feeling a nurturing energy rising from the ground, reaching up to the soles of your feet. Allow this energy to gently move upward, relaxing and energizing your body—feet, calves, thighs, core, shoulders, arms, neck, face, and head.
5. Imagine a bright, glowing light in the sky above you. This light represents your Higher Self.
6. See the light spiraling down toward you, entering through the crown of your head and flowing through your body. As it moves, it changes into a vibrant color that resonates with you.
7. Take another deep breath and allow the colored light to fill your core center. Visualize it growing brighter and expanding with each breath, filling your entire body.
8. Imagine the light forming a dome or egg-like shape around your body, extending outward, cleansing your physical and energetic space.
9. Release any tensions, worries, or negative energy, visualizing them fading away into the ground. Trust the process of transformation.
10. Continue this visualization as long as you need. When you feel light and neutral, place your hands in a prayer position and silently offer thanks.
11. Visualize the light around you returning to its source, and when ready, gently open your eyes.

This practice can be done 1-2 times daily, ideally in the morning or before bedtime.

By integrating color therapy with your astrological sign, you can tap into a powerful tool for enhancing your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. These simple yet effective practices allow you to align with the natural flow of your energy and support your unique traits, helping you to feel more balanced and connected to yourself. Whether you choose to surround yourself with the colors that resonate with your sign or engage in visualization techniques, color therapy offers a profound way to nurture your overall health and personal growth.

Remember, your journey toward healing and balance is personal, and using the right colors can be an uplifting part of that process. Take time to explore the colors that speak to you and notice the subtle shifts they create in your life.

Do you wish to learn more about Lumi's work with astrology and her holistic approach? Lumi Pelinku invites you to dive deeper into your journey through an extended reading that can provide tailored insights and inspiration. Click here to book your reading today!