20 Real Life ‘Outlander’ Locations Around the World Every Fan Should Visit

1. The Layover by Lacie Waldon: Belize

The Layover by Lacie Waldon is a breezy, fun romance novel that captures the thrill of unexpected travel. It follows Ava, a flight attendant whose "one last layover" takes her to Belize, where she unexpectedly finds adventure, self-discovery, and romance (calling all enemies to lovers fans!). Waldon paints Belize as a paradise of turquoise waters and lush jungles — a place where spontaneity and beauty meet—and that couldn’t be truer. Inspired by their escapades, start with a snorkeling trip to the Belize Barrier Reef, the second largest in the world (just don’t miss the boat back like Ava and Jack), then venture over to Hopkins to witness the magical bioluminescence. For a taste of local culture, visit San Pedro on Ambergris Caye, a lively town full of charming shops, colorful street art, and beach bars. Bound to inspire readers to seek out their own Belizean adventure, The Layover reminds us that sometimes, the best journeys come when we’re willing to let go of the itinerary and explore.

2.Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: Washington D.C.

If you're a fan of Red, White, & Royal Blue, then Le Méridien Washington, D.C., The Madison is the perfect spot for your next getaway. Nestled in the heart of the nation’s capital and four blocks away from the White House, this chic and stylish hotel offers a blend of contemporary elegance and historic charm, echoing the story’s themes of romance, politics, and royal intrigue. Imagine strolling along the National Mall, taking in iconic landmarks just like Alex and Henry did in the book, and then retreating to your luxurious room at Le Méridien The Madison, where you can unwind with views of the Washington Monument. Whether you’re exploring the vibrant arts scene, sipping craft cocktails at Lady Madison, or enjoying the sophisticated ambiance, Le Méridien The Madison provides a backdrop that brings the world of Red, White, & Royal Blue to life in the best way possible.

3.Savannah Blues by Mary Kay Andrews: Savannah, Georgia

Located in the heart of historic Savannah, The Kimpton Brice Hotel sits in the very district where Weezie Foley's journey begins in Savannah Blues. As an antique picker, Weezie would undoubtedly appreciate The Kimpton Brice's rich history, having once served as a livery stable, cotton warehouse, and Coca-Cola bottling plant, dating back to the 1860s. This boutique hotel embodies Southern charm, inviting guests to enjoy the brick courtyard strung with lights {known as the Secret Garden} and the meandering bookshelves arranged by color — a nod to Savannah’s literary roots. Just steps from the enchanting streets depicted in Savannah Blues, The Kimpton Brice offers an inviting retreat where guests can relax, unwind, and immerse in the magic of Savannah.

4.The Group Trip by Audrey Ingram: Destin, Florida

Experience the magic of Audrey Ingram's The Group Trip in Destin, Florida, where the stunning Emerald Coast provides the perfect backdrop for the book’s mix of friendship, fun, and personal growth. Just like the vibrant group of friends in the story, Destin offers a blend of adventure and relaxation that invites you to reconnect, unwind, and enjoy every moment together. Henderson Beach Resort is the ideal setting to mirror the book’s sense of camaraderie, with its elegant accommodations, lush grounds, and private beach stretching along the sparkling waters of the Gulf. Whether you’re lounging by the pool, indulging in a spa day, or exploring the area’s charming local spots, the resort offers a perfect blend of luxury and laid-back beach vibes. Like the characters in The Group Trip, you’ll discover that sometimes the best memories are made not just from the places you visit, but from the people you’re with—and Destin’s Emerald Coast is the perfect place to celebrate that!

5.People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry: Dubai

If you loved People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry (or are excited for the upcoming film adaptation!), Atlantis, The Palm Dubai is the perfect destination to create your own romantic escape. Much like Poppy and Alex’s heartwarming journey, Atlantis offers the ideal balance of adventure and relaxation, set against a backdrop of luxury and breathtaking beauty. Set on the iconic Palm Jumeirah, this luxury resort offers the ideal mix of adventure and relaxation, with stunning views and endless activities. Couples can unwind at the AWAKEN spa, enjoy intimate dinners by the water, or thrill at Aquaventure Waterpark and swimming with dolphins. With world-class dining and a sense of wonder throughout, Atlantis brings the magic of romance, adventure, and connection to life—just like Poppy and Alex’s unforgettable story.

6.The Wild Robot (Series) by Peter Brown: West Virginia

Embark on a wild adventure in West Virginia and connect with nature just like Roz in The Wild Robot. Roz’s story encourages exploration and trying new experiences – and The Mountain State offers endless landscapes to explore with vistas that are truly ‘almost heaven!’ West Virginia is the perfect destination for a nature scavenger hunt inspired by Roz’s adventures! Grab your family, friends, and a picnic then find the stunning rock formations at Seneca Rocks, identify birds and animals in their natural habitats, bike along the scenic riverside on The Greenbrier River Trail, discover the diverse and lush plant life, and chase waterfalls at Blackwater Falls State Park. For an even more immersive experience, stay in a cozy cabin or scenic campground. The Wild Robot celebrates friendships and the beauty of nature, so embrace your inner adventurer and explore the great outdoors – just like Roz would!

7.Hello, Summer by Mary Kay Andrews: Apalachicola, Florida

For fans of Hello, Summer by Mary Kay Andrews, Apalachicola, Florida offers the perfect setting to unwind and escape into a charming coastal getaway. This quaint, historic town captures the heart of southern charm, with its picturesque streets, fresh seafood, and serene waterfront views. Stay at The Coombs Inn & Suites, a cozy, romantic Victorian inn, where you can enjoy southern hospitality and relax on the porch as the gentle breeze off the Gulf whispers through the trees. Just like the book, Apalachicola is full of small-town warmth, intrigue, and the kind of slower pace that makes you feel like you've stepped into a storybook romance.

8. Something Wilder by Christina Lauren: Bryce Canyon Country, Utah

If you loved Something Wilder by Christina Lauren, then Bryce Canyon Country is your dream destination! With its dramatic red rock formations, winding trails, and wild beauty, this stunning area captures the spirit of adventure, romance, and breathtaking landscapes that define the novel. Spend your days hiking through Bryce Canyon’s iconic hoodoos, exploring hidden canyons or horseback riding along scenic trails, where the desert landscape feels both timeless and exhilarating. As night falls, stargaze under one of the darkest skies in the U.S. Whether you're seeking outdoor thrills or quiet moments of connection with a partner, Bryce Canyon Country offers the perfect blend of natural wonder and romance—just like the heart-pounding, unforgettable journey in Something Wilder.

9. The Beautiful People by Michelle Gable: The Palm Beaches, Florida

For readers captivated by the glamorous world of high society in The Beautiful People by Michelle Gable, The Palm Beaches, Florida is an idyllic destination to immerse yourself in elegance and charm. This stunning coastal paradise is home to opulent mansions, pristine beaches, and a vibrant arts scene that echoes the allure of its storied past. Stroll along Worth Avenue, where designer boutiques and charming cafes invite you to indulge in a taste of luxury. Explore the historic Flagler Museum, a Gilded Age masterpiece that offers a glimpse into the lives of the elite. Spend your afternoons basking in the sun on the beaches or sailing along the sparkling coastline. As the sun sets, enjoy fine dining at renowned restaurants, where you can savor exquisite cuisine. With its perfect blend of sophistication and natural beauty, The Palm Beaches provide the ultimate escape for anyone dreaming of a life among the beautiful people.

10.Beach Read by Emily Henry: Wild Dunes Resort

For fans of Emily Henry’s Beach Read, Wild Dunes Resort, just outside Charleston, provides the perfect setting for a storybook escape. Nestled along South Carolina’s scenic coastline, the resort exudes a relaxed charm, with colorful beach homes just steps from the sand—an ideal backdrop for getting lost in a great book. Book a cozy beachfront stay and dive into the novel’s themes of love, creativity, and second chances. Picture yourself reading by the shore as the waves roll in, savoring a sunset stroll, or enjoying a cocktail at one of the resort’s inviting bars. Wild Dunes lets you experience a “beach read” in real life, where you might just encounter your own unexpected twist or romantic spark.

11. Mrs. Nash’s Ashes by Sarah Adler: Ocean Key Resort & Spa

Sarah Adlers’ novel “Mrs. Nash’s Ashes” tells the mission of Millicent Watts-Cohen – a cynical writer but hopeful romantic – who embarks on a journey from Washington, D.C. to Key West to honor her elderly best friend, Mrs. Nash, by reuniting her ashes with the woman she fell in love with over 80 years ago. With themes of adventure, blending old and new, and the journey of personal discovery, the novel connects the past with the present through Millicent’s memories of her late friend and weaves together the nostalgia of the past with the freshness of new experiences. At Ocean Key Resort & Spa in Key West, the resort similarly blends the rich history of the destination in which it sits with its modern luxuries, providing guests with intimate experiences that inspire connection and reflection while offering a one-of-a-kind stay for all.

12. In a Holidaze by Christina Lauren: Park City, Utah

Christmas is a magical time to escape to the mountains where peaks are draped in snow, holiday festivities abound and warm nights by firepit are sure to warm the soul. In Christina Lauren’s “In a Holidaze” protagonist Maelyn Jones takes one last trip to her favorite place in the world – a snowy Utah cabin that her family has spent every holiday season since she was born. As this comedic holiday romance novel takes you on a journey of unveiling the wonder of the holidays, transport to Park City, Utah where your own Hallmark holiday awaits. From lodging in the mountains at Westgate Park City Resort & Spa and sleigh riding with the one you love to discovering the annual Snow Globe Stroll on Historic Main Street and relaxing fireside with a warm beverage in-hand, Park City encourages you to create your very own storybook getaway this holiday season.

13. One Week In Paradise by Anise Starre: Jamaica

For those yearning for adventure, romance, and a little bit of spice at a couples-only resort, Jamaica is waiting for you. If you’re a fan of “One Week in Paradise” by Anise Starre, this is the perfect destination to bring the book’s tropical, sultry vibes to life. Set against the breathtaking backdrop of the Caribbean Sea, Princess Senses The Mangrove offers an idyllic escape where you can experience the kind of passionate romance and luxurious indulgence you’ve always dreamed of. Relax in ultimate comfort while surrounded by lush mangroves, and let the calming waves lull you into tranquility on your private beach. Whether you’re savoring every moment in an Overwater Villa with an infinity pool and personal butler service, or igniting your senses in a Swim Out Pleasure Junior Suite, this resort mirrors the enchanting allure of a romantic island getaway that feels like stepping straight into the pages of your favorite love story. It’s the perfect setting to create your own unforgettable paradise.

14. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien: The Preserve Sporting Club & Resort

If you are looking for a fantastical experience after reading J.R.R. Tolkien’s classic masterpiece, The Preserve Sporting Club & Resort offers a magical escape that feels straight out of Middle-earth. Set on 3,500 acres of lush forests, rolling hills, and pristine lakes, this luxurious resort immerses you in a world of natural beauty and adventure, much like Bilbo’s journey through the Shire and beyond. A real-life Hobbit Village awaits to be explored, nestled within The Preserve’s hillsides, where guests can book a private dining experience inside one of the houses. Whether you’re exploring wooded trails, or embarking on thrilling outdoor activities like horseback riding and archery, The Preserve’s rustic charm and serene surroundings evoke the spirit of Tolkien’s beloved tale. With its combination of nature, adventure, and a touch of whimsy, The Preserve is the perfect destination for those who crave a storybook escape into a world of fantasy and tranquility.

15. The Wedding People by Alison Espach: Newport, Rhode Island

Set in Newport, Alison Espach’s novel The Wedding People captures a world of love, drama and timeless elegance – a perfect setting for a romantic coastal getaway. Stay at the luxurious Chanler at Cliff Walk overlooking the sea which feels like stepping into the pages of Espach’s novel. Stroll along the iconic Cliff Walk, taking in the stunning views of the ocean while reminiscing the scenes from the novel. Spend your day exploring the splendor of Newport’s famed “summer cottages” at the Bellevue Avenue and indulge in the freshest oysters at The Dining Room at The Vanderbilt. Top off your stay with a romantic sunset sail in the ‘sailing capital of the world’ along Newport’s rocky shoreline, where charming lighthouses and historic mansions set the perfect backdrop for a romantic escape.

16. Bridgerton Series by Julia Quinn: Hotel Du Pont

What if we told you that the indulgent world of Julia Quinn’s Bridgerton series can be found in the Atlantic U.S.?, Hotel Du Pont in Wilmington, Delaware, is a destination fit for a modern-day debutante. This historic hotel, with its grand architecture, opulent interiors, and timeless charm, captures the elegance and romance of Regency-era London—much like the Bridgerton world, without needing a passport or time machine. Picture yourself gathering in the lavish Gold Ballroom for one of the hotel’s decadent tea parties or attending a glamorous gala in one of the hotel’s stunning ballrooms, where you can almost hear the waltz music and imagine yourself at the center of high-society drama. The historic hotel is surrounded by lush gardens, giving opportunity for scandalous afternoon promenades. With its rich history, impeccable service, and classic sophistication, Hotel Du Pont is the perfect place to indulge in a little Regency-era luxury, making it a must-visit for anyone who loves the world of Bridgerton.

17. The Summer I Turned Pretty by Jenny Han: Horseshoe Bay Resort

For readers enchanted by the coming-of-age journey in The Summer I Turned Pretty, Horseshoe Bay Resort is the perfect lakeside escape to relive the magic of summer romance, friendship, and self-discovery. Just like Belly’s unforgettable summers, this resort, nestled on the serene shores of Lake LBJ, offers a laid-back yet exciting atmosphere ideal for embracing the carefree energy of youth. Spend your days boating, jet skiing, or kayaking across the sparkling lake, with plenty of opportunities for bonding moments around nightly bonfires. The resort also hosts teen activities, giving you a taste of the fun-filled, sun-soaked summers that shape unforgettable memories. Whether you’re watching the sunset with friends or finding quiet moments of reflection, Horseshoe Bay captures the essence of a summer that changes everything — a perfect backdrop for your own story of growth and transformation.

18. The Paradise Problem by Christina Lauren: Little Palm Island Resort & Spa

Ever thought about escaping to a private island where you’re surrounded by nothing but natural beauty and the utmost tranquility? Within Christina Lauren’s novel titled, The Paradise Problem, and on Little Palm Island Resort & Spa – North America’s only private island resort – the focus remains the same: escaping to a private paradise to seek clarity, personal growth and renewal. As serenity is blended with emotional depth, travelers (and readers) are encouraged to discover both the beauty of the external world and the complexities of the internal. By reconnecting together in a setting that delivers exclusivity, much like the idealized settings in the novel, Little Palm Island delivers a magical, dreamlike quality of the topical luxury experience.

Chateau de la Chèvre d'Or in Eze, France

Tucked away in a small medieval town in the South of France called Eze is the dreamy 5-star hotel, Chateau de la Chèvre d'Or. This hotel truly makes you feel like you're living in the movie The Bucket List — maybe because it was also featured in the film, but still. The picturesque views of the ocean, stunning amenities like the three cliffside pools, and the sprawling gardens all make for the perfect hotel and the reason why it's my number one nice hotel I've ever stayed in.

Chateau de la Chèvre d'Or is also one of the cheaper 5-star hotels I've stayed in, with rooms sometimes costing as low as $450 a night in the off-season. While this is still expensive, it's surprising when you see all that the property has to offer alongside the spectacular views and prime location.

Villa d'Este in Lake Como, Italy

Lake Como was another favorite destination of mine, and while you can't go wrong with any of the hotels on the lake, Villa d'Este was an favorite of mine. The service is simply unmatched, along with the to-die-for views of the water. Every day, breakfast is served right out on the patio with this stunning, serene view. The grounds are hundreds of years old, with acres of gardens across the property, so you truly can never be bored. The whole hotel just exudes old fashioned luxury, and it almost makes you feel like you have been transported to another time.

While Chateau de la Chèvre d'Or is my top choice, I have to say that Villa d'Este has the best service out of all the hotels I've stayed at — they truly treat you like royalty! Plus, there's a floating pool on the lake...so you really can't say no to that, right?!

Rosewood Miramar in Santa Barbara, CA

You will NOT want to miss out on staying here! The Rosewood Miramar is like stepping straight into a Nancy Meyers movie. It's a beautiful hotel right on the beach with some of the prettiest decor and interiors that you'll want to replicate in your own home (trust me, I've tried). The amenities include a pool right by the beach, plus top-notch service — a must for a nice hotel! I love this ocean-side stay for a relaxing, coastal vacay!

The Savoy in London, England

I particularly love The Savoy in London for their incredible spa. They offer a lot of fantastic deals where you can get a room, breakfast, and two spa treatments with your booking! I'd highly recommend this hotel for their stunning decor and luxury spa! I'm sure it will be a much-needed break for some solid R&R to enjoy while vacationing to London.

Waldorf Astoria Trianon Palace in Versailles, France

Walking through the gates of Waldorf Astoria Trianon Palacewas like walking through Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. They have acres of gardens covered in flowers with the background being their massive chateau-style hotel. It was truly a remarkable stay! I adored eating breakfast in the garden room, and walking out to explore the grounds every morning. Plus, if you walk right out of the hotel gate, you'll waltz straight into the Palace of Versailles itself. So, it's proximity to all the tourist attractions nearby are super ideal! I loved the spa and amenities here, as well as looking out the large windows of our hotel room to see people riding horses right outside! This is a stunning stay that makes you feel like you're royalty in the countryside of your centuries-old chateau.

Hotel du Cap Eden-Roc in Antibes, France

Do you remember when Sofia Richie-Grainge broke the internet with her incredibly luxe wedding? Well, this was exactly where it all went down — the Hotel du Cap Eden-Roc!I adore this hotel for so many reasons: the service is amazing, the rooms are to die for, the pool is iconic, and the location is prime! It's located in the adorable town of Antibes, France where there's a cute village filled with restaurants, shopping, and lots of action! There is no shortage of things to do when you're at this hotel. An added bonus is that they have the Dior spa located at the hotel, so make sure to stop in for a Dior facial! ;)

Passalacqua in Lake Como, Italy

This is another Lake Como hotel, but I had to add Passalacqua because it was recently named the #1 Hotel of the Year by The World's 50 Best! What I love about this hotel is the massive array of experiences they offer! To name a short few: private cinema screenings under the stars with canopy chairs, exquisite, Michelin-level fine dining, cooking classes, tennis lessons, and so many more! That's not even scratching the surface of this hotel. It's truly a remarkable place and a once-in-a-lifetime experience, so if you get the chance to stay here, definitely do it!

Waldorf Astoria Rome Cavalieri in Rome, Italy

Perched right on the hill in Rome is this massive — and incredibly beautiful — 5-star hotel, Rome Cavalieri. The property truly speaks to the beauty of Italian architecture, design, and art. I mean, the art and decor adorning the walls is centuries old, and it seems like you're sitting right in the middle of a museum. The rooms have a gorgeous balcony that look out over the whole city of Rome, as well as the hotel's sprawling green garden. I stayed here a couple of years ago, and I still dream of their free massive buffet breakfast filled with the most divine pastries, meats, and cheeses. I love this hotel!

The Ritz Paris in Paris, France

If you're like me, you've dreamed of staying at The Ritz Paris at least once in your life. It's a legendary, iconic hotel, with the famous Bar Hemingway located inside. Words can't describe how beautiful this hotel is as soon as you step through the doors. Everything from the rooms, to the location, down to the stunning (and large) lobby is everything you'd expect from The Ritz. It's another one of those once-in-a-lifetime stays that you definitely should try and go to! As Hemingway once said, "When I dream of afterlife in heaven, the action always takes place in the Paris Ritz."Couldn't have put it better myself, Ernest!

Waldorf Astoria Beverly Hills in Beverly Hills, California

I've stayed at the Waldorf Beverly Hills many times (I'm a Hilton member so I often get to stay for free — thank you points!), and I will never get tired of it. The staff are some of the nicest people and truly go out of their way to help you with anything you need. This hotel also has one of my favorite amenities: the house car. At this hotel, they have a house car that will, for free, drop you anywhere within 10 minutes that you need to be. For example, one day I wanted to get bagel on Rodeo, so I thought I'd take the house car not knowing what kind it was...up pulled a blue phantom Rolls Royce with constellation ceilings and plush carpet. Everyone thought I was famous because who gets dropped off at a bagel shop in a Rolls Royce?! Well, I did — but only because it was free! So if that doesn't convince you to stay here then I don't know what will!

1. We thought our first love was perfect and would argue with anyone who wanted us to take things slow with them.

I'll never forget the first time I fell in love at 19. I thought my ex was the "wind beneath my wings" because he had a great sense of humor and was creative like me. I told myself he was the person I was going to marry so I was offended when my parents didn't think he was mature enough to be in a serious relationship. If this sounds familiar, pull up a chair because Menon explains why we tend to idealize our first love.

"Your first love is your first experience with romantic love too, hence you typically see it with rose-colored glasses. The overwhelming emotion is often infatuation, which tends to overshadow the more critical and analytical part of our brain," she says. Sadly, this sounds like something my parents told me before but I couldn't fathom how true it was as a teen.

As the Clinical Director at Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center, Cavins has seen this play out before too. He says, "In your first relationship, there is a tendency to put your partner on a pedestal. The excitement of new love can create a powerful emotional fog that makes it hard to see flaws clearly."

Essentially, this "excitement of having a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner supersedes" our ability to questions things we normally wouldn't put up with, according to Menon.

2. We tried to ignore the how many times our first loves disagreed with our values or goals.

While some couples are able to make their relationship work despite having a different outlook on life, sometimes it can be a sign that things aren't going to work long-term. Cavins says, "One major red flag is disregarding differences in values or goals for the future. For instance, you wish to become a parent someday while your spouse swears this will never happen— or vice versa. Early on, you might dismiss these differences, believing love will conquer all. However, these mismatched priorities can lead to resentment and challenges over time."

Honestly, I probably should've ran whenever my ex would mock my belief in God only for us to have to attend his mother and stepfather's church whenever I visited. There was so much confusion there, but I tried to dismiss it as something he needed time to work out.

Menon adds, "If this relationship makes you feel like you'e standing in quick sand - where you are trying to move forward but often feel held back in your individual aspirations, it may not be the right fit for you."

3. We thought it was 'cute' when our first loves made suggestions about which friends to avoid or what clothes to wear.

Cavins says, "Excessively possessive behaviors are another red flag that people often ignore easily when they fall in love for the first time. People tend to justify such behaviors by citing that it's due to love or protective instincts." I'm all for being in a relationship where your partner's able to see different sides of a picture, but controlling behavior shouldn't come with that. What might that look like?

Cavins says, "Your partner may frequently check in on you, offer opinions on who you should spend time with, or subtly pressure you into making choices that suit them." For example, your partner could start off making suggestions about your style that slowly morph into them controlling everything you wear. Somehow I went from being a self-professed 'girly-girl' to trying to emulate the style of 'sneakerheads' in a short amount of time. Though I love wearing everything from New Balance to Niké sneakers now, it's in a way that feels cohesive with my style.

You may have brushed this kind of behavior off because, again, you thought it meant your first love wanted the best for you. "It is understandable that such behavior hypothetically may come off as pleasant or affirming; however, they often signal an unhealthy dynamic of control rather than mutual respect," says

4. We always gave in when our first loves forced us to be affectionate.

*Sigh* I'm shaking my head for my younger self because there were many times I didn't advocate for myself in my first romantic relationship. I'd often give in to affectionate or intimate moments despite wanting personal space so I wouldn't be seen as 'boring' or uninterested in my ex. Menon says, "Given the infatuation, your first relationship can feel all-consuming and often is codependent. Hence, this may result in you overlooking that your partner does not respect your boundaries or desire for personal space."

Partly because the excitement of the relationship makes you want to spend all of your time together, until you don't. And then, it is often too late to correct a maladaptive historical pattern.

4. We always made excuses for why our partners would shower us with affection only to ignore us days later.

Let's be clear, 'love bombing' feels confusing and awful. No one should make you feel like you're the center of their universe only to ignore your calls or texts days later. But, this probably happened while you were with your first love. Cavins says, "There's a tendency for people to brush off their first love's emotional unavailability. When, for example, a partner is not responsive and not engaging in intimate discussions or does not express their feelings, some may rationalize this as them being 'just not ready.'" If that were the case, this person wouldn't have made you feel like being with you is something they truly wanted.

Of that, Cavins believes "it's important to recognize these behaviors early" because "they can result in a one-side emotional investment that leaves one party feeling unfulfilled in the long run." Sadly, my first love would have days where he was super sweet to me only to feel like I was smothering him with attention. This is also the same person who begged me to remain in our romantic relationship when he went to basic training although I felt it would be better if we chose to be friends. Imagine my surprise (and hurt) when he told me we should have an open relationship months after getting stationed for the first time.

I should've known better because he was never 100% on board with the idea of marriage until after he graduated from basic training. Cavins calls this "emotional disconnectedness." His further explanation is this is "when the initial chemistry between the partners subsides that emotional attachment matters." To avoid this, he feels "identifying and addressing any of these is critical in a case where you are looking to create a strong and healthy bond."

5. We ignored the ways our former partner blamed us whenever they got in trouble with their parents or an authority figure.

Did your first love have a hard time taking responsibility for things that went wrong by gaslighting you to absorb the blow of their mistakes? If you've furiously nodding, we should start a support group. Cavins says, "A key sign is a lack of personal or relational growth. Healthy relationships encourage mutual development, but if one partner stays stuck in old patterns while the other grows, it can create frustration and distance."

At no point should you be the reason why your first love got in trouble after answering their parents' house phone late at night after telling you to call at a certain time. It's situations like this that should've alerted us to awful behavior, but I can see how easy it is to dismiss things.

What if I'm in love for the first time and recognize these signs?

First, my heart goes out to you for being in a relationship that doesn't feel healthy. It hurts when we realize the person we thought was so great is anything but. The road to letting go of idealization may be long, but you can and will get better. Cavins says, "In the process of self-healing and recovery, the first step that must be taken is self-reflection. Ask yourself all of the necessary questions that arise, such as what this relationship means for you, what your boundaries are, and what this partnership has revealed about you as an individual."

I keep saying this, but relying on journal prompts can help you unpack a lot of things and, thankfully, Cavins agrees. He says, "You could always opt to talk to a specialist or being journaling in order to find some closure and draw meaning from the experience." Also, he wants you to start "making new memories." But, don't be passive about it.

"You will have to engage yourself in activities that will help redirect the focus of your thoughts. This could include joining a new class, engaging in a hobby, or traveling that involves some independence. These experiences can help shift your mindset from loss to growth and reinforce your identity outside of the relationship," says Cavins.

Another important thing you can do is "solicit help from others," according to him. "Calling on people you trust, like friends and family, to talk about these feelings can significantly help in healing," he says. This also helped me navigate life outside of my first real romantic relationship, reminding me that I still had a lot of love in my life that didn't begin or end with my ex.

Here are Menon's tips:

• Let yourself grieve — Let this loss run its course. If you need to feel angry, sad, distraught, nostalgic. Allow yourself the full breadth of this experience. If I ask you right now "don't think a out a yellow monkey", I can bet you just thought of a yellow monkey. We call this "the imp of the mind". When you reject feelings, or thoughts, they come back 10 times more fiercely. To move the feeling along, we must let ourselves experience it.
• Rediscover your identity (So important) — Your first love is often intertwined with self-discovery, and identity formation. Reconsider your goals, interests, values, friendships and hobbies and try to build your own sense of identity and individuality.

I saw my first love again and it feels like we're falling in love all over. Can we have a happy and healthy relationship?

I'm not going to tell you to run even though I told my ex I never wanted to speak or talk to him again. You could easily reconnect with the first person you fell in love with and realize that you're both in a place where you can have something beautiful. However, Cavins and Menon want you to be mindful if you're in this position.

"Reconnection is possible," begins Menon, "if both parties can objectively claim that they have grown emotionally and resolved the issues that held their relationship back." But, "if the reconnection is built on one person growing and the other not, it is likely to fail," she alerts. You'll need to "proceed with caution," she says because "your first love was a nostalgic era in your life that can cloud your judgement." To put it more clearly, she doesn't want you confuse "the fuzzies" with a "true knowing that the two of you can make it work."

Cavins says, "Reconnecting with a first love can trigger a strong wave of emotions, but it is important that such a decision is made with caution and a strong sense of pragmatism. Personal growth is a primary factor. Each party in the relationship must ask themselves how they have grown and evolved as individuals over time. If past patterns of conflict, immaturity, or unhealthy dynamics remain unaddressed, the same issues could resurface."

He wants you to consider these things:

• Are there any active relationships or past engagements that would make it rather difficult? That's because the feelings that come with reigniting old flames are very strong and can alter a person’s life, making it essential to start thinking from all angles before going ahead with it.
• Address previous challenges that caused the breakup in the first place. If the reasons behind the breakup have been resolved or do not exist anymore, then yes, meeting again has its prospects. However, keep in mind that, at times, memories can be selective and unfavorably distort the truth by overplaying the good qualities while avoiding the negative ones.
• Only rekindle things if both individuals are in a healthy emotional state and the decision is grounded in practical, mutual considerations—not just sentimentality or romanticized memories. Clear and honest discussions and an understanding of purpose are vital in ascertaining if rekindling the relationship will be worthwhile for both parties or if it will simply be an act of revisiting unresolved emotions.