6 Ways To Raise A Resilient Kid & More Powerful Parenting Advice From Expert Dr. Becky

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Josephine Anderson, who posted a video on her Instagram @fosterthevalley, outlined the costs of her uncomplicated vaginal birth, and TBH, it was shocking.

The financial breakdown of her experience (with Cigna for insurance):

• Routine office visits (including 2 ultrasounds): $1,266
• Labs: $3,440.81
• NIPT genetic testing: $15,319.36
• Anatomy scan: $1,270
• RhoGam: $360
• Hospital for mom: $23,722.10
• Hospital for baby: $7,402.80
• OBGYN for delivery: $5,000
• Epidural: $5,720
• Breastfeeding support: $2,589.78
• Pediatrician: $209

Josephine’s video warranted thousands of comments, most of which were appalled by the costs of her experience:

“This needs to be shared in SexEd classes,” one commenter wrote.

“The US medical system is BROKEN,” another said.

“And people are still confused why more women are choosing to remain child free… we literally can’t afford it,” another user commented.

Brit + Co spoke with Wendy Colson RN, IBCLC and CEO/Founder of BOOBIE Superfoods to gauge if Josephine’s costs were typical for the care she received. Colson has significant insight into how insurance works not only from an employer’s perspective, but from personal experience as a patient with breast cancer.

“The $4,788.98 net amount she mentions is realistic given that her deductible was $3,000. If she had chosen a plan with a $1,000 deductible – which is a common ceiling for good coverage – the same scenario would have cost her around $2,789,” Colson said. “The video highlights the importance of understanding what you're getting with an insurance plan, especially when you anticipate major life events like childbirth.”

Colson primarily attributes unanticipated costs for medical care (like in Josephine’s case) to patients that choose their insurance plans with, well, no real plan.

“Many [people] opt for the [plan] with the lowest paycheck deductions without fully evaluating the benefits,” Colson said.

There’s often a tradeoff between paying less per paycheck and receiving your desired benefits: for example, if you elect to contribute less money towards your insurance per paycheck, you may end up paying more out of pocket for things like doctor’s office visits and prescriptions.

“Making an informed choice is key to saving money in the long run,” Colson continued. “In short, it's crucial to consider both the immediate costs (like paycheck deductions) and the potential future costs (like deductibles and copays) when choosing an insurance plan.”

Another major cost Josephine mentions in her video was 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave, which cost her a total of $18,000 (in lost income).

Per the passing of the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) in 1993, moms have a legal right to up to 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. The U.S. Department of Labor notes that the act was designed to help employees balance their work and family responsibilities, accommodate the legitimate interests of employers, and promote equal employment opportunity for men and women.

It all sounds great until you realize the time off is indeed unpaid, which doesn't really aid in the amount of money parents end up owing after all is said and done in the pregnancy and childbirth processes.

Only 13 states plus the District of Columbia offer paid maternity leave. When you compare the United States’ laws to that of other industrialized nations, they don’t exactly measure up.

Colson says Sweden’s maternity leave policy is “one of the most generous,” offering 390 days of paid parental leave (shared between parents) and 80% of wages covered for a significant portion of the leave. In Germany, mothers are entitled to 14 weeks of maternity leave plus a tax-free, income-based allowance straight from their insurance provider.

Though it’s likely that US laws will never be that generous in terms of paid maternity leave, there are a few things you can do to make the blow of medical costs hurt a little less, says Colson.

“My advice is to be your own advocate,” she says. “If you’re planning to have a baby, start by understanding what your state provides in terms of paid leave to avoid surprises after delivery.”

To keep the cost of having your baby (if you’re planning to have one) transparent and free of surprises, Colson recommends:

• Asking your physician’s office for a detailed breakdown of insurance billing codes, including:
  • Office visits
  • Lab work
  • Epidural (and the anesthesiologist’s separate fee)
  • Hospital admissions
  • Specialist consultations during admission
  • Optional procedures like circumcision, if desired
• Email the insurance billing codes to your insurance provider, who can help calculate your out-of-pocket costs and deductible

“Having a baby is priceless,” Colson says. “By planning ahead – understanding your insurance options, healthcare costs, and available benefits – you can ensure peace of mind and focus on what truly matters: your growing family.”

What is sleep training?

Although you may have a basic idea of what sleep training is, it's normal to wonder if it's just another buzzy social media word. Dr. Levene says, "Sleep training is a process that helps babies learn to sleep without parental assistance," while Michi adds the words "independent sleeper" her definition. Michi says it's a means of equipping "kids the skills to fall asleep alone" and "get back to sleep when they naturally wake during the night."

But you're not a horrible parent if it were easier to co-sleep with your baby during their first weeks at home. For example, my son would cry and scream all night when we tried to get him to sleep in his bassinet — which isn't easy to maneuver when you're faced with sleep deprivation and a breastfeeding schedule. So, his dad and I thought it would be easier if everyone could fall asleep together.

Is there a correct time to start sleep training children?

This answer may vary depending on who you ask. Family members might tell you not to spoil your baby from the time you give birth while parts of social media encourages co-sleeping. In Michi's opinion, she doesn't "think there is" a right time to introduce sleep training.

"Parents usually sleep train when they can no longer manage with the sleep they're getting. For some, that is when the baby is four months old; for others, it's when they're four years old," she explains. Dr. Levene also mentioned it can occur "between four and six months of age," but it "can take some time."

But, both issue a slight warning to parents who are on the fence about it. "There is no point in starting sleep training before you are ready, as you will likely give in and not follow through," says Michi, while Dr. Levene stresses the importance of being consistent.

It's almost like developing a routine for potty training. Kids pay attention to schedules and can sense when you're not 100% in!

Are there benefits to sleep training a child?

Now that you know what sleep training is, you're likely asking yourself if there are any benefits to it. I don't consider myself a 'seasoned' mom yet, but I can tell you there are! Before we cover them, Dr. Levene wants you to know sleep training isn't about "teaching the child to sleep through the night." Instead, the goal is to start "improving infant sleep and in turn improving parental sleep."

So, which benefits will start to show once an infant or child gets used to being sleep trained? "A sleep-trained child can get to sleep at the beginning of the night without needing to be rocked, etc., and can get back to sleep during the night when nothing is wrong or they're not hungry," says Michi.

If you decide to sleep train your infant, don't expect a miracle to happen over night. Dr. Leven already mentioned being consistent, but he acknowledges how difficult sleep training can be. "It is not easy on the parent," he says. "There are different methods including cry it out, Ferber, and others."

Michi says, "The majority of sleep-trained children will sleep through the night, but some still need a feed until they are around a year old." One of the things my fiancé and I are working on with our son is getting him to verbally explain what's wrong when he wakes up upset.

It's still a disruption to sleep, but we've noticed our son's vocabulary has increased over time. He explains how he feels in greater detail which helps us know how to negate nightmares or come to his aid during nightly eczema flareups. He hardly ever asks to eat at night, so that's one thing we're grateful for!

Is there a right or wrong way to sleep train your child?

If you're looking for a concrete answer, Michi doesn't believe there is one. "You can sleep train however you want! There are lots of different techniques, making most set-ups manageable." However, Dr. Levene says it "works best if the infant is in another room." At the same time, he doesn't feel it's "an absolute requirement."

This brings me back to what Kourtney Kardashian said about her sleep training approach with her kids. Instead of following different parenting paths, she chooses to "do what feels natural and instinctual," and Michi says there's nothing wrong with that. "Some families want to continue to bed share; some techniques work better for this. Others want to have their child sleep in their own room; they can use different techniques."

According to Michi, a key to sleep training is to be mindful about your "child's personality" because "temperament plays a big part in how children learn to be independent sleepers."

Who should parents talk to if they're struggling with their child's bedtime routine?

As much as you may resolve to help your child become more independent, there's no guarantee that you can snap your fingers and they'll be on board with your desires. Should you find that bedtime is a struggle that results in a lack of sleep for everyone, there are some things you can do. "First, chat with your pediatrician, they may be able to help. [Also] find some sources online that your resonate with," Michi suggests.

The one thing she doesn't recommend is relying on a certain age-old technique that I've even found doesn't work for my son. "Don't ask someone for sleep advice if they use cry-it-out sleep training techniques if you know it won't work for your child. You know your child better than anyone," she adamantly says. "You know what is likely to work and what isn't. Follow your instinct when it comes to sleep."

Frankly, my son started screaming at the top of his lungs when we tried to implement the 'cry-it-out' method, and since that reminds me of the early postpartum days, I can't get on board with it. For me, it's jarring to hear ear-piercing screams in the middle of the night, so going against tradition has proved to work better.

How can parents help their children get comfortable sleeping in their own beds?

Major events can play a role in sleep regression, from your child meeting another milestone or moving to a new space. Want to know how you can start helping your child get comfortable in their own bed? Dr. Levene says, "Having a consistent bedtime routine is important. If its bath, bottle, book and bed or something like that, infants and toddlers feel comfortable with routine. Sometimes for toddler a security object is very helpful." He does warn, "Remember infants should having nothing in the crib/bed with them."

According to Michi, she believes "it all starts with playtime." She says, "Your child needs to be comfortable in their bed to sleep in it comfortably." But what does this mean?

It's simple! "During the day, have some playtime in the bed and bedroom. Start small for a few minutes and then increase as they become more comfortable," Michi explains. Your child will start making the connection that it's daytime so "they won't get confused thinking it's bedtime."

What should parents remember when sleep training their children?

Though Michi is a sleep consultant, she's more than aware all children aren't created equally. They're going to have different personalities, wants, and needs that contribute to how you approach parenting them. "Not all techniques work for all children. Children are unique and learn in different ways. Find a technique that you can do and that you think your child can do. If you do that, you will always have success," she says.

Dr. Levene agrees that "There is no right way here. If it works in your home and you have reviewed the infant/toddlers sleeping with your pediatrician then its right for you" because "sleep training can be accomplished in many ways."

The more you bond with your child, the more their personality will show which is important when learning how to teach them something in a way they understand. My son loves learning new things, but he doesn't like to feel forced to perform them just like I don't. Of this Michi says, "Don't feel pressured into using techniques that don't resonate with you."

Elle remembers "sobbing" during one particularly emotional Dakota Fanning movie.

“When Elle’s in anything, it makes me feel it deeper,” Dakota Fanning said at TheWrap’s Power Women Summit on December 3. “She never can fully disappear into a character totally for me as her sister. She obviously does an amazing job, but I’m always gonna see my little sister a little bit.”

And Elle is just as touched by Dakota's roles, and remembers "uncontrollably sobbing" after seeing Now Is Good, a movie where Dakota's character was dying of cancer. “Because it was my sister, I had a real traumatic reaction after that premiere and the screening,” Elle says. “Obviously the acting, but it was something felt on a deeper level.”

“I’m doing this job, I’m an actor because my sister started before me and I watched her,” Elle continues. “I wanted to do exactly what my big sister wanted to do.”

And their movies have also made an impact on everyone who watches them.

When Brit + Co caught up with Dakota Fanning at the world premiere of The Watchers, I had to ask about one of her most iconic movies: Uptown Girls. "I love it," she says of TikTok memes and edits giving the movie new life. "It's nostalgic for people who are kind of around my age, who grew up watching that movie, I think it's like a comfort movie for people. And so I love that people are still revisiting it and loving it. And maybe now that everyone's older [they're] understanding different things about it."

Dakota starred opposite Brittany Murphy, who also had roles in movies like Clueless, 8 Mile, and Girl, Interrupted. Brittany passed away in 2009 when Dakota was 15. "I loved Brittany so much and I still miss her," she says. "So anytime that she has, you know, a moment where people think about her is also nice."