How to Solve Your Quarter-Life Crisis in a Weekend

There’s never a dull moment in the City by the Bay. At work and at play, San Francisco is alive with buzz around the newest big idea, a new headline-making innovation or Silicon Valley’s latest solution for the woes of the human experience. It seems silly to stand in such a stimulating crowd of technology and art’s most promising vanguards and whimper, “but… I’m great too.”

Yet, here I am. I’m smart, accomplished, and affable. I have ample talent and a great big heart. I’m compassionate, focused and genuinely interested in improving the lives of my neighbors and community members. I’m confident in my skills, organized and driven.

But I also combat vague feelings of dissatisfaction. My professional accomplishments routinely fall just short of my expectations. Outside of my career, I’m subject to swells of inspiration that too quickly dissolve for lack of follow-through. I wish I could do more. I have serious life crushes on a few people in my life who have followed their bliss, and I want to find my calling. I want to pursue my passion – to finally give a shit.

I imagine I’m a lot like you. In fact, I know I am — I’ve heard my own story told back to me time and again.

I left a comfortable job this year after months of feeling under-used. The long hours would have been fine if I felt like I was really being heard or making the best out of my skills. It was a job that held lots of promise — I was helping people, but the whole reality of that position never quite resonated. I relocated too, and am now confronted with a set of the biggest questions I’ve ever dared to ask myself:

“What do I want now?”

“How can I be useful?”

“What is the fullest expression of myself?”

… Crickets, naturally.

A friend recently asked me for the recipe for a butternut squash soup I made for her, and when I wrote it up with footnotes and commentary, she responded, “Have you ever thought about writing a food blog? This is incredible!” Of course I had, but ask me why I hadn’t yet started… More crickets.

I’ve had others ask me for recipes, and even more people tell me how fun it is to cook in the kitchen with me. Even as I wondered about what direction my life would take, I ignored that skill set – dismissed a dream of working with food professionally as unviable, the risks too intimidating to take.

To sum it up for you: I’ve been feeling markedly non-super, un-heroic about this whole Return of Saturn thing — this “quarter-life crisis” people Tweet about. But (newsflash) it’s encouraging to realize I’m not alone. I met my fellow twenty- and thirty-something dreamers at The Passion Co.‘s inaugural Start Conference — people facing similar self-constructed obstacles and some folks who had cleared those hurdles. Like this guy named Smiley.

Adam Smiley Poswolsky, a 32-year-old once on a fast-track in the corporate world, left his professional life of security and comfort to pursue his passion for writing. He self-published his story of inspiration, doubt, struggle and ultimate triumph in “The Quarter-Life Breakthrough,” which became an Amazon.com best-seller and earned him a publishing deal with Tarcher Perigree to bring the book to a wider audience.

Smiley’s story made him the perfect mentor for the purpose-driven, mission-minded, starry-eyed attendees at Start who convened at Dogpatch Studios to find their missions, to dream big, to start somewhere. They (we) came together to hack our passions. Or did we?

Smiley’s message was a little jarring: “Fuck passion, find persistence.”

But! I thought. Passion! Find your passion! What about scrapping it all to follow your dreams?

“People who tell you ‘quit your job, it’ll happen if you want it badly enough!’ are doing a disservice,” Smiley told us. “Maybe that’s the way it’ll work for you, but most people have to make sacrifices as they honor their purpose. No one’s done great things without being rejected time after time.”

That’s a big word: “sacrifice.” Another one: “rejection.” But also in there: “honor your purpose.”

“The common thread that draws these people together today is authenticity — these are people who have stepped fully into being who they are in the world. They don’t hide or play it safe,” said Jessica Brown, The Passion Co.’s Program Director (check out our profile of Passion Co.’s founder Jessica Semaan here). “They say ‘this is who I am, this is what I care about.’ It doesn’t mean they’re perfect or enlightened,” she added, with a knowing laugh.

“I was nervous about sharing my passion because everyone else wants to save the world!” said Missy Titus, a 27 year-old product designer living in Oakland, CA, who attended the conference with me. “I just want to help young designers get ready for good jobs!”

That’s who she is, that’s what she cares about. I got to know Missy as one of the people in my “tribe,” which was a tool employed at Start to bring together different types of self-starters in small groups to discuss the weekend’s program in real time, and to get some feedback on our various projects. It was a method to present these driven (if slightly aimless) young people with real accountability. The Start Conference is like no other conference you’ve been to — it’s a lot like… a self-hackathon.

Missy doesn’t want world peace (well, she definitely does, but that’s not her project…). She just wants to connect with people like herself, with struggles that are real and can seem insurmountable.

I can relate to that. I’m almost always comfortable in a kitchen (mine or someone else’s), and I love showing people that it doesn’t take years of culinary school or some divine gastronomical inspiration to know your way around a cutting board. I’m not going to end world hunger, but I could help someone bring a little more meaning and a few more smiles to a meal.

“I had a lot of reservations talking about my idea project because it felt a little selfish,” Missy told me. “It occurred to me this weekend that, if I don’t do this, no one is going to.”

There were a lot of tech folks like Missy at Start Conference — that was no surprise. Some of the most excitable and cheery starters this weekend were home bakers and makers though. A few brought prototypes of their projects and giggled as they shared them with strangers.

With aubergine-purple Dr. Martens and a magnetic personality, Terry H. Romero, Food and Craft Outreach Lead at Kickstarter, made a remarkable impression on the Start stage. “It’s not easy or quick, but it is powerful,” Romero told us, dispelling the myth that a Kickstarter campaign is a simple way to make a buck for your weekend hobby. “It’s an awful lot of work, and there is a lot of accountability to your backers. It’s the beginning of a process that will hopefully last.”

The decision to live a life of passion is fraught with paradox and can seem imbalanced — unfair even. Fairness isn’t the point, though, and the idea that I could find purpose in something that doesn’t become my career became comforting. Over the course of the weekend (and since then), I’ve offered up the story of my experience to other people in my life, and have started to become responsible for my own progress.

More than anything, I perceive my purpose with a more realistic perspective, and a more measured approach. Who says I need to be a chef to work with food? Maybe the product itself isn’t the point. Instead of cooking for people, it occurred to me I might cook with people. That’s much closer to what I love about food in the first place. That’s a more authentic expression of my passions and skills. Establishing a business model, creating a website, seeking a customer base and eventually following through on a bunch of big promises becomes less terrifying when I remember this: Someone out there is waiting for me to step up to the challenge.

Maybe they are waiting for me to help them get comfy with their kitchen. I could be one moment of courage away from saving someone’s life… or, at the very least, saving their dinner party. Which, for some, could be a great big deal.

The next steps for this tentative “kitchen coach” (not bad, right?) will be to workshop the idea with a few more people — people whom I trust, even people who have struck out on their own in some way, so they have empathy for my process. With some honest appraisal of my approach (and the acknowledgement of any shortcomings) I may be in a position to figure out the next step.

Imagine this: You’re going about your daily life when you’re struck by the need for something more. You feel the sudden impulse to pursue your purpose, and you’re confronted by the idea that someone, somewhere might be struggling in a very real way, and their life would be made much better with your help — help that only you can provide.

Ring any bells? Sounds to me like a pretty great origin story…

If you had a weekend to work on your passion project, what would it be? Share with us below!

(Photos via Zachary Domes, Gentleman Homemaker + Lisa Raphael)

Last night I realized I was pregnant during the height of the pandemic and the 2020 election cycle, but I didn't have any self-care practices in sight. I was chronically stressed and spent way too much time on social media when I should've been finding ways to ground myself. After a tough four years of navigating everything from motherhood to starting my career, I've finally started utilizing gratitude journaling as a tool to get through tough days.

I don't know how you may be feeling today, but I've created journal prompts you can refer to when you're scared, anxious, unsure of the future, and more. They're not meant to replace meditation or seeking therapy, but they are here for moments you need to check in with yourself.

A Gratitude Journaling Idea For When You're Worried About The Future

Arina Krasnikova

Write Down 5 Things You're Grateful You Can See, Touch, Hear, And Smell

This is actually a practice I picked up in therapy to help redirect my anxious thoughts. It's something I often refer to when I'm fixated on the future and things that might happen. Any time you feel yourself not being present because you're worried about what's next, focus on things that are immediately in front of you or around you.

For example, here's what's reminding me to be present:

  • I can hear one of my favorite gospel songs playing and the subtle humming I'm doing.
  • I can see two lime green books on my desk.
  • I can smell the clean laundry my fiancé took out of the dryer.
  • I'm touching the keys on my keyboard as I type this.
Although they seem small, I'm grateful they're helping to keep me rooted in the present moment. So, what are you grateful you can see, touch, hear, and smell today?

Gratitude Journaling Idea For When You're Experiencing Sadness

Darina Belonogova

Write Down 3 Things You're Grateful For Today

Practicing gratitude when you're sad isn't so you can pretend the sadness doesn't exist. It's a very real emotion that calls for us to be curious about why we're feeling that way. However, if you feel like you're 'stuck' in your sadness, you can try writing down 3 things you're grateful for right now. Again, they don't have to be grandiose. They just have to make sense to you.

You could be grateful for:

  • Eating a delicious meal
  • Having a good night's sleep
  • Hearing your favorite song at the right moment
  • Morning snuggles with your pet or toddler
  • Having access to binge watch your favorite TV show when you need to escape reality for a bit

Antoni Shkraba

Write Down The People You're Grateful You Can Rely On

My hope is that everyone has at least one person they can rely on during difficult moments in life. I know everyone doesn't have huge villages for different reasons, but I'd rather focus on who is there.

This gratitude journaling idea doesn't require you to go in depth about why you're grateful for the people in your corner unless you want to. You can simply write their names down if that's all you have the bandwidth for.

Pavel Danilyuk

Recount A Memory That Always Makes You Smile

When in doubt, think about a moment that was hilarious or filled you with joy. It can be from your childhood, first year in college, or even your wedding day! The one memory that always makes me smile is from an interesting moment I told one of my uncles he looked like Santa Claus. I was around 5 or 6 years old, so it was a super innocent comment, but still it was hilarious nonetheless. No one in my family has let my uncle or me forget that moment. It's small, but it's one of the memories I'm grateful I can remember when I'm feeling sad.

A Gratitude Journaling Idea For When You Feel You're Not Doing Enough

Antoni Shkraba

Write Down 1 Thing You've Grateful You've Accomplished

I know some journal prompts ask you to list multiple things you've recently accomplished, but I've found that makes me a little more anxious that necessary. If this sounds like you, I see you and think it's just as impactful to be grateful for one thing you've done that you're proud of. It could be as simple as:

  • "I had the strength to get out of bed today after wanting to do nothing more than hide under the covers."
  • "I did laundry and put everything away."
  • "I made myself a meal instead of ordering lunch like I usually do."
  • "I stuck to my budget this week."
  • "My presentation at work or school went really well."
  • "I made that scary phone call I've been putting off."
  • "I went for a walk around my neighborhood or local park."

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In all honestly, all I look forward to during the holidays (other than my fam) is the pie. There's pumpkin pie. Apple pie. Chocolate pie. Sweet potato pie. But more than any other dessert, pecan piejust gets me. I'm salivating as I'm thinking about it!

Anywho... making an entire pecan pie can become a whole ordeal very quickly. That's where these delicious pecan pie bars from Chahinez with Lifestyle of a Foodiestep in. They're simple to make, plus provide the ideal eating experience – pecan pie bars easily qualify under finger foods, and they are downright addictive.

Let's get into the recipe!

Ingredients For Easy Pecan Pie Bars

Lifestyle of a Foodie

For the shortbread crust:

  • ½ cup butter
  • ¼ cup granulated sugar
  • ¼ teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1 cup all-purpose flour
  • 2 tablespoon cornstarch

For the pecan pie filling:

  • 2 eggs
  • ¾ cup brown sugar
  • ½ cup light corn syrup
  • ¼ cup heavy cream
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • ½ teaspoon salt
  • 1 teaspoon cornstarch
  • 1 & ½ cup pecans chopped

How To Make Easy Pecan Pie Bars

Lifestyle of a Foodie

  1. Preheat the oven to 325 F, then line an 8x8 pan with parchment paper and set aside.
  2. In a large bowl, add in the flour, salt, cornstarch, and mix. Add in the cold butter and work it into the dough with your hand or a pastry cutter until cookie dough forms. Press it onto the prepared baking pan and bake for 20 minutes.
  3. In a separate large bowl, mix the eggs, brown sugar, light corn syrup, heavy cream, salt, vanilla extract, and cornstarch until combined. Stir in the pecan pieces.
  4. Once the crust is done baking, pour the pecan pie filling on top of the crust and bake for 30-35 minutes. The edges will brown a little, and the center will be barely jiggly.
  5. Remove from the oven, and let cool completely before transferring to chill in the fridge for at least 30 minutes. Slice the bars and serve.

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Recipe + photography by Lifestyle of a Foodie.

This post has been updated.

The rush of the holidays and planning the perfect holiday feast is no joke — finding the best Thanksgiving cocktails, roasting a delicious turkey and, of course, getting creative with leftovers — it all makes it hard to kick back and relax. We think you should find a moment for yourself (or with a few pals) and celebrate the wonderful flavors we love so much this time of year.

Instead of going for the tired pumpkin spice latte, think more along the lines of a boozyfall cocktail. Picture bourbon cocktails with cinnamon, caramel, apple… you know, all the autumn classics. We don't recommend sampling these Thanksgiving cocktails all in one night, but let's just say it'll be difficult to only choose one. We can't wait to try these Thanksgiving cocktails!

Brit + Co

Nespresso White Russian

Combining booze with coffee makes it somewhat more acceptable to knock one back during that late-morning, gathering-before-dinner time period, no? We love any excuse to get cozy with Nespresso, and this White Russian concoction will have you feeling all the warm, Thanksgiving-y vibes.

Brit + Co

S'moretini

Whether it's too cold to sit outside and snack on some s'mores, or you don't have a fire pit to roast marshmallows (although Gilmore Girlsdid show us how to use our stovetops...), this Thanksgiving cocktail is a great alternative to the sticky dessert. The chocolate andgraham cracker coating on the rim is just the cherry on top!

Brit + Co

Rum Toddy

This cocktail recipe is great because there's a good chance you already have the majority of the ingredients in your kitchen! Just put everything you need in a thermos, stir it up, and you're good to go. Not only will toddies keep you warm on cold days, but they're good for sore throats and fighting the chills if you're feeling a lil' under the weather.

Brit + Co

Cranberry Pear Ginger Fizz

Swap your cranberry sauce for a cranberry cocktail complete with ginger beer, pears, and limes. Make sure you keep some whole cranberries and rosemary sprigs for the finishing touch. Even if you've never made cocktails before, this drink is so easy that anyone can make it!

Brit + Co

Clementine Whiskey Smash

Sweet clementine juice and rich whiskey are the perfect match in this fun Thanksgiving drink, plus you can adjust the amount of whiskey that goes in depending on how strong you'd like the drink. Go easy for a fresh taste or add a bit more if you want something warmer.

Brit + Co

Wild Turkey Cocktails

Now, we know what you're thinking: "there is no way I'm drinking a cocktail that has turkey in it." But you don't have to worry because the 'wild turkey' in this recipe actually comes from Wild Turkey American Honey! Make one for an afternoon apéritif or an evening drink once the kids have gone to bed. Now the only question is, who let the (wild) turkeys out?!

Brit + Co

Pumpkin Spice Hot Chocolate

We're suckers for all things pumpkin spice, and Thanksgiving is the perfect time to indulge in a little PSL-inspired boozy bevvy. This Pumpkin Spice Hot Chocolate is super easy to make — and even easier to devour.

Brit + Co

Cranberry Is The New Black Cocktail

From cranberry sauce to cranberry garlands, this red berry is definitely a holiday season staple – and now you can add it to yourbar cart! Think of this drink as an upgraded vodka cranberry, with a more sophisticated look. If you're not able to get black vodka, just sub black food coloring to achieve the same finished product.

Brit + Co

Chai Hot Toddy

If you're not a huge pumpkin person, then you have to try this spiced, creamy Thanksgiving cocktail while you wait for eggnog season. Your classic chai gets a makeover with some spiced rum and cinnamon-infused milk (YUM!) that give it a whole new holiday edge. You can also experiment with different spices and adding in a shot of espresso to change things up.

Brit + Co

Apple Cide-car Cocktail

As far as we're concerned, apple cider season should last all winter long. This easy cocktail only has four ingredients (apple cider, brandy, Cointreau, and lemon juice) which means there's no excuse to not have this on your Thanksgiving menu! Need a simple alternative for the under-21 crew? Nix the alcohol, but keep the glasses for an upscale apple cider mocktail.

Brit + Co

Convergent Opera Cake Cocktail

This cold brew concoction is perfect for getting you buzzed in more than one way. It's the perfect after-dinner dose of caffeine you need to avoid a food coma, but it'll also give you all the Thanksgiving feels.

Brit + Co

Cranberry Zinger Jam Jar Cocktail

We love jam and we love cocktails, so why not put them together? This cranberry zinger (which is basically the queen of mixed Thanksgiving cocktails) will certainly make you feel all kinds of bubbly. All you gotta do is pour your favorite gin and cranberry juice over ice, and then top with a spoonful of your go-to jam. Top it off with ginger ale, and you're done!

Brit + Co

Pomegranate Ginger Beer Cocktail

Ginger has just the right amount of warmth to keep you toasty during holiday gatherings. This delicious ginger beer concoction will be a total crowd pleaser at all your Thanksgiving and Friendsgiving gatherings.

Wholefully

Two Ingredient Apple Cider Mimosas

If mimosas (especially apple cider mimosas) don't scream fall brunch, we don't know what does. Since it's only two ingredients, you don't have to worry about trying to put together a complex Thanksgiving cocktail recipe while also preparing dinner. Sounds like a win-win.

Dos Hombres Mezcal

Dos Hombres Hot Cider

Add 1 gallon apple cider, 1 tbsp whole allspice, 1 tbsp whole cloves, 1 sliced orange, 1-inch sliced fresh ginger, 3 cinnamon sticks, and 4 star anise to a pot, and simmer for about 30 minutes before adding 1.5 cups of Dos Hombres Mezcal to spike the sip!

Home & Plate

Salted Caramel Apple Martini

Martinis make us feel sophisticated and mysterious, but there's one thing that's no mystery: cocktail hour will never be the same after you serve this sweet, tart drink to your family and friends. All you *really* need is a little caramel vodka and apple cider, and you're good to go. Don't forget to chill your martini glasses beforehand to keep things cool.

JoLynn Shane

Apple Cider Mojito Recipe

Mojitos might usually be a summer drink for you, but the addition of apple cider makes this one of the best Thanksgiving cocktails you could sip on. The cinnamon simple syrup in this recipe is totally worth the extra prep time. This drink is also loaded with fresh mint and cinnamon sticks for a fall flavor combo you can't miss.

Joyful Healthy Eats

Apple Cider Moscow Mule

Everyone knows that what makes a Moscow mule a true mule is the ginger beer. Well, with this easy Thanksgiving cocktail, what makes it is the hard apple cider instead of the regular kind.

Inspired by Charm

Apple Pie Sangria

Apple desserts are a must-have during the holiday season, and this apple pie-inspired sangria might just become our top pick. This is the *perfect* Thanksgiving cocktail to put out in a big pitcher and sip on during dinner, while watching the football game, or even when you're stuck cleaning up dishes.

Baked by Rachel

Apple Cider Whiskey Smash

This is an ahh-mazing seasonal twist on a traditional whiskey drink. With just three quick ingredients (whiskey, lemon juice, and apple cider) you can even make a big batch of this Thanksgiving-y drink *before* the holiday whirlwind begins.

Cookie + Kate

Cinnamon Maple Whiskey Sour

We consider November 1 to be the official start of maple season. Even if whiskey isn't your thing, it might be after sampling this cup of Thanksgiving goodness. A little maple syrup goes a long way when you're working with this recipe!

Dos Hombres Mezcal

Dos Hombres Naughty Toddy

Mix together 1 oz Dos Hombres Mezcal, .5 oz fresh lemon juice, .25 oz honey, 1 oz whiskey, and 2 oz natural apple juice together before heating it up on the stove to make this Thanksgiving cocktail. Garnsih with a lemon wheel, and prepare to be warm AF.

Gimme Some Oven

Cranberry Margaritas

Cranberries might be reminiscent of Christmas, but cranberry sauce is basically a Thanksgiving delicacy… which is why we had to give this seasonal margarita our stamp of approval. The squeeze of lime and the salted rim puts this cocktail over the (very delicious) edge, and if you want to get extra fancy with it, there's also a recipe to make your own homemade cranberry juice.

Holly & Flora

Bourbon + Spiced Pear Cocktail

With herbs like sage and thyme topped off with allspice and cinnamon, we're totally in love with this unique Thanksgiving cocktail. Not only does the ginger liqueur give this drink a little kick, but including agave means that it's totally sugar-free.

Baker by Nature

Cranberry + Cinnamon Whiskey Sour

If you're really craving some sweetness, this is the exact drink you should go for. It calls for two cups of cranberries on top of two cups of sugar to yield four cocktails. It's safe to say you'll be perked up after just a few sips.

The Sweetest Occasion

Salted Caramel White Russian

This cocktail is creamy, sweet, and totally dessert-like, which makes it a great addition to post-dinner conversation. You could literally forget the pies and cobblers (but what's Thanksgiving without some pie?) and just drink this instead. Don't worry if you're dairy-free – just swap the caramel sauce for a coconut-based caramel instead.

Slow Cooker Spiced Wine

Okayyy – this warm drink gives us all the fall feels. Red wine and brandy warmed in a crockpot with spices and orange sounds like total heaven to us. Not to mention that you can leave this to simmer throughout the day, so your guests can help themselves and you don't have to worry about it! (viaWell Plated)

Domesticate Me

Spiced Cider Margaritas

For many, the lime margarita is a staple on Taco Tuesday, but maybe it's time to mix it up? We think YES. Cozy up by the fire with a glass of this spiced cider that's spiked with tequila and garnished with cinnamon sticks and apples. That — and the cinnamon sugar rim — sounds right up our alley.

Want more mouthwatering holiday recipes and Thanksgiving cocktails? Follow us on Pinterest or join our newsletter for more inspiration!

This post has been updated with additional reporting by Meredith Holser.