No, I Actually Don't Need My Postpartum Body To "Bounce Back"

1. Don't Overthink It by Anne Bogel

She shares essential tools to help us rewire our thoughts so we're not completely consumed by 'doom-thinking,' which I think a lot of us need. Her ultimate goal? Helping us enjoy the time we're alive.

2. The Worst Girl Gang Ever by Bex Gunn & Laura Buckingham

Speaking of reproductive health, this doesn't immediately seem like a self-improvement book — except it is. II don't know how many other women experienced a miscarriage this year, but I know I'm not the only one.

Though the title seems like a funny dig at something that doesn't feel hilarious, it's more than that. The Worst Girl Gang Ever does an amazing job of naming the confusing period that follows pregnancy loss and how lonely it can feel. It's not that other people haven't experienced it, but it operates like an 'invisible' pain.

Authors Bex Gunn and Laura Buckingham know that this is a gang no one would willingly sign up for, but they hold space for every emotion that surfaces. Most importantly, The Worst Girl Gang Ever is a reminder that this isn't something to feel ashamed about. That it's more common than people realize and it's possible to heal from.

3. All the Love by Kim Hooper, Meredith Resnick, LCSW, AND Huong Diep, PsyD

4. Feel-Good Productivity by Ali Abdaal

Dr. Ali Abdaal wants to change how you think about being hustle culture. Being productive does involve work, but there's more to it than that. Simply put, Dr. Abdaal's discovered that you produce better results when you "feel good." You'll find information on:

• Hidden 'energizers' that make it hard for you to be productive
• 'Blockers' that encourage procrastination
• 'Sustainers' that side step burnout and lead to a more fulfilling life

5. How to Stop Breaking Your Own Heart by Meggan Roxanne

• Stop letting your expectations run the show
• Create tangible boundaries
• Quit silencing your voice
• Walk into a season where self-love is the norm

6. The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

7. How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economyby Jenny Odell

8. Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

9. Love Life: How to Raise Your Standards, Find Your Person, and Live Happily (No Matter What) by Matthew Hussey

10. Get Your Sh*t Together by Sarah Knight

This books leaves nothing to your imagination because it's very straight forward. No matter how good of a person you think you are, there's probably a few habits you could stand to change. For some of us, our FOMO even though we keep RSVP'ing 'no' to events or parties is part of our problem. For others, it's knowing your social media account isn't going to grow just because you keep looking at it.

Sarah Knight wrote Get Your Sh*t Together as a way to help you clear some things out of your mind. You'll learn how to organize (not compartmentalize) things so you stop making self-depreciating jokes about your procrastination habits. She also has neat tips about reaching the money goals you've yet to accomplish...*sigh.*

P.S. The last sentence was actually directed towards me.

11. The Happy Me Project by Holly Matthews

Guess what? Self-improvement isn't just reserved for influencers on the internet who seem to know just what to say. Holly Matthews wants you to know you can work on yourself in order to shape your life the way you want.

After losing her husband to brain cancer, she had to figure out how to raise two daughters while also taking care of herself. Once she learned how to do so, she decided to share her findings with readers in The Happy Me Project.

Think of it as a love letter from a friend who's experienced the highest of highs and lowest of lows.

12. The Self-Love Experiment by Shannon Kaiser

13. Own Your Glow by Latham Thomas

14. Emotional Detoxby Sherianna Boyle, MED, CAGS

• "Clear your pathways"
• "Look inward"
• "Emit positivity"
• "Activate"
• "Nourish"
• "Surrender"
• "Ease your way into your best self"

15. Financial Feminist by Tori Dunlap

16. Democracy in Retrograde by Sami Sage and Emily Amick

17. It's Not Hysteria by Karen Tang, MD, MPH

18. Glow in the F---ing Darkby Tara Schuster

19. Women Living Deliciously by Florence Given

20. Slowing Down to the Speed of Joy by Matthew Kelly

What is the 4B Movement?

According to The Washington Post, this is a "radical Korean feminist movement that swears off men to reclaim a sense of agency." It sounds similar to abstinence, but the trickle down effects are vastly different. Abstinence is taking a step back from anything that usually taps into your pleasure center — and that doesn't always mean sex. However, the 4B Movement is specifically rooted in 'de-centering men' completely.

CBSstates that researchers Jieun Lee and Euisol Jeong wrote a paper for Yonsei University about the movement, and deciphered that the "B" has four meanings:

1. biyeonae — "refusal of dating men"
2. bisekseu — "sexual relationships with men"
3. bihon — "heterosexual marriage"
4. bichulsan — "childbirth"

How did the 4B movement start?

In 2016, Hankyoreh reported that a man in his 30's chose to stab an unknown young woman in Seoul, Korea. When asked why he committed the crime, he gave this answer: "I did it because women have always ignored me." In response to the random attack, Hong Seong-su, a law professor at Sookmyung Women’s University, share a chilling message that the outlet recounted in the article. "The fact that [Kim] chose ‘some woman’ [as opposed to ‘some person’] as the target for his crime suggests it is not going too far to view this as a crime of hate against women."

This radical moment was an inception point for the movement overall, started in opposition to this gender-based violence, as well as gender-based discrimination as a whole. The Korean Herald noted that factors like pay inequality and a Donald Trump-like president of their own (Yoon Suk-yeol) were driving forces in 4B. Since his election in 2022, Yoon Suk-yeol has "promised to abolish the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family, which has been popular with his anti-feminist base," (via Korean Herald). Between all this and the global sensation of #MeToo, the 4B Movement gained major momentum throughout the last eight years.

The 4B Movement's Lasting Impact In South Korea

According to The Korean Herald, over 150 elementary schools aren't seeing first-graders walk through their doors and it has everything to do with the falling birth rate in South Korea. CNN reports that officials are so concerned, they're willing to do something to combat it. President Yoon Suk Yeol said, "We will mobilize all of the nation’s capabilities to overcome the low birth rate, which can be considered a national emergency."

But, this isn't the first time the birth rate has been addressed. Another CNN article reported that South Korea dished out $200 billion to "boost the population over the past 16 years." Still, things haven't worked in the government's favor. It's evident less women are having children and it seems to directly stem from women upholding the ideology they're not allowing their bodies to be used for motherhood anymore.

American Women's Response To The 4B Movement

After the shocking results of the 2024 presidential election, many women began to rethink how they relate to the men in their lives, finding South Korea's 4B Movement in the process. Based on the current rhetoric about women who don't have children and the restrictive anti-abortion laws with hardly any policies in place to reduce the maternal mortality rate, it's understandable why some women are fearful or fed up — and why many women are now finding parallels to what sparked 4B in the first place.

When you see people like Nicholas J. Fuentes tweeting things like "Your body, my choice. Forever," on the same day Trump won a second term as president, it can leave a sickening taste in one's mouth. One user's response to this was, "Funny how the loudest champions of 'freedom' are often the first to undermine it for everyone else."

Alongside this are men's social movements that are clearly intertwined with the current political climate, too. While obviously not all men believe in these ideologies, there's been a stark rise in their prevalence.

In 2020, ADL reported about the mindset of "Incels" and discovered that they feel emboldened by the 'manosphere.' So, what do they tend to believe? According to outlet, there's a belief "that the current sexual 'marketplace' gives women too much freedom to choose their own partners." Not only that, but the outlet says Incels tend to think women choose to ignore men unless they look a certain way or have a certain status, "leaving the remaining 80 percent of men (including incels) without a potential partner."

Nicole Prause, a UCLA Statistician and Academic, is well-versed in abstinence movements, and what they ultimately indicate based on statistics. "There are a number of similar men's movements already, especially Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW)," she says. According to her, MGTOW don't pursue marriage or relationships with women, but "seek sex when it is on their 'terms.'" She says, "They're often viewing it as a battle pitting sexes against one another. These movements tend to be separatist, often evolving into misogyny and violent speech, such as glorifying sexual coercion and rape."

As a result of these growing men's movements and the incoming 47th President of the United States — a convicted felon with multiple allegations of sexual assault — there have been growing calls from women on social media to consider the 4B Movement for themselves. X user @jungsooyawning wrote, "american women it's time to learn from the koreans and adopt the 4b movement as a matter of fact women from all over the world should adopt the 4b movement i'm so serious," on the platform.

Freelance writer Daria Yasmiene also wrote about about why she's taking part in the movement for POPSUGAR. She said, "As a Black woman who has lived through three back-to-back elections with Trump as a focal point, I'm so far beyond tired that I need a lifestyle change." Ultimately, she wants to continue having the freedom to choose to live her life in a way that's not solely governed by men.

"With the little autonomy that I have left, I would rather be alone and safe from the consequences of male influence in my life than lie next to someone who doesn't see me as an equal. We deserve so much more than that."

Meanwhile, Sex and Relationships Coach, Leah Carey says that 4B "makes sense as a response to realizing that a majority of men valued the economy over a woman's right to self-determination." Depending on where you stand, she also says that it can be "seen as 'punishment' for men" or "as a choice of self-determination and self-protection for women." Somatic Trauma Therapist, Blessing Uchendu shares Carey's sentiments in that the movement is "a response to patriarchy and the centering of men and conversely the objectification of women, with the expectation that they fulfill roles as wives and mothers."

Potential Benefits Of The 4B Movement

So with all that in mind, is a movement like 4B beneficial? And is it even sustainable? I'm not going to tell you that you should or shouldn't join the 4B Movement because it's a personal decision. It's always wise to examine where you are in life instead of relying on social media, news outlets, or even the government to determine what you're going to believe. Still, there may be some benefits to the 4B Movement that outweigh any potential fallouts.

Carey says that "not being refused care for reproductive matters" is a potential benefit of 4B, while also highlighting that "the mental health benefits can also be huge for people who deal with anxiety, depression, or anything else that might cause emotional hardship in the current climate."

This could also lead to women identifying and honoring their true desires instead of following society's scripts about who they should be. Somatic Trauma Therapist, Blessing Uchendu believes that 4B is about women de-centering men and re-centering themselves — about "being the 'stars of their own stories,' rather than supporting characters in a malde-dominated narrative." Uchendu says. "It can be incredibly empowering to step away from systems that have felt compulsory in order to reflect on whether you are making decisions centered on yourself and your desires or whether these decisions are centered on the expectations of the society around you."

The most important thing Carey wants to note is that women aren't unable to find love and joy ever again by participating in the 4B movement. "Just because a woman chooses not to date, have sex, get married, or have kids with a man doesn't mean she can't do those things: with other women. it's more and more common for adult women to explore their same-sex attractions after divorce or widowhood," she notes. "With a generation of young women growing up with the understanding that heterosexuality is not the only option, we may see a wave of younger women also exploring in this arena (in addition to all the younger women who already know themselves to be queer)."

I would also say that you can always go back to dating and engaging with men whenever you want — this movement doesn't have to be a permanent choice if you don't want it to be. The whole point is to take charge and embrace your own sense of agency.

Yet, Prause does pause to mention the downside to "separatist movements." She explains that without support from men, women could struggle financially given pay disparities and other gender-based work inequities. Still, she says this doesn't really affect much if women have been figuring things out for themselves with little help from men.

Ultimately Uchendu says women having the freedom to exist without the weight of society's patriarchal standards on their shoulders is the "ultimate freedom." She says, "In the words of Audre Lorde 'If I did not define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and be eaten alive."

No woman should have to live in fear of having violence committed against her, but history continues repeating itself in terms of how society treats our bodies. "When a woman's right to make choices about her own body and health care are removed, she may decide to not put herself in a position where pregnancy can become an option," Carey says.

Prause chimes in with, "On average, women are more likely to experience mental health declines with marriage to a man (the opposite is true for men). While men also can experience domestic violence and sexual assault, the risks are exceptionally higher for women." Not only that, but she also points out that "women risk unwanted pregnancy, from which they now have fewer healthcare rights to address" and "are at much higher risk for sexually transmitted infections, even from their regular romantic partner."

As if that weren't a slap in the fact, Prause mentions that "childcare continues to fall disproportionately on women and does cause less income for women over time."

The Life Cycle of the Common Octopus by Emma Knight

Penn should be excited about advancing her education at the University of Edinburgh, but she can't stop thinking about the secret her parents have been keeping from her. For some reason, she believes she'll uncover it while she's in Scotland because Lord Lennox — her father's friend — is in the area.

Her hunger for the truth leads her to Lord Lennox's estate where she she starts mingling with his family and even discovers love in this moving novel.

Jenna Bush Hager's Thoughts About The Life Cycle of the Common Octopus