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Are there really assigned roles in friend groups or am I just imagining things?

Like I said before, it can seem like you and your friends unintentionally gravitate toward certain 'roles.' It's not like anyone woke up one day and decided, "I'm going to be the 'mother hen' of the group," but it tends to happen. Why?

Paruolo says, "In my clinical work, I've consistently observed that our friendship roles often mirror our early family dynamics. These patterns show up naturally — think about who in your friend group gets the first crisis call, who plans all the gatherings, or who everyone turns to for emotional support." I'm willing to bet you thought of a name for each scenario — including yours — because I know I did!

"Like in families, we each fall into specific roles that feel familiar to us," Paruolo further explains.

What actually makes someone an empathetic person?

There's so many definitions for empathy, but I thought it would be wise to ask a licensed professional for her opinion on the matter. "Empathy means to feel what others are feeling. You do not have to have a personal direct experience with something to feel empathy for another person," shares Paruolo.

For example, your friend could call to tell you she has to have fibroid removal surgery and is feeling scared. You may have never had surgery, but you could find yourself feeling the need to comfort her in spite of this. Paruolo says, "The cool thing about our brains is that we have mirror neurons, which means part of our brain is set up to feel what others feel. The ability to attune to others' emotional states comes naturally to some people, while others may need to develop this capacity more consciously."

To break it down even further, here's signs that Paruolo says point to your empathetic nature.

Physical Signs:

• Getting physically exhausted after being in crowds
• Feeling drained after social interactions, even enjoyable ones (OMG I feel so seen!)
• Needing extra time alone to recharge

Emotional Signs:

• Absorbing other people's emotions like a sponge
• Feeling anxious or overwhelmed in emotionally charged environments
• Finding it hard to watch violence or cruelty in movies/TV

Social Signs:

• Feeling responsible for others' happiness
• Having trouble saying "no" to people who need help

Mental Signs:

• Picking up on subtle changes in others' moods
• Being highly attuned to body language and tone
• Finding it hard to distinguish your feelings from others' feelings

It sounds like I'm the empathetic friend, but are there any downsides to this?

I've been an empath for as long as I can remember and I've found that I have to 'recharge' my social batteries at times. I thought it was because I was trying to be superwoman by fixing others' problems, but it turns out theres more to it than that. Paruolo says, "Empathetic friends and people have an uncanny ability to sense others' emotional states even when unspoken, and frequently need recovery time after intense social interactions. They tend to be deeply affected by others' experiences and naturally consider situations from multiple perspectives."

In the long run, she says it can be "distressing" for some people to always feel the feelings of others. Over time, she says, "it can cause you to shut down and retract." This can look like not being as quick to respond to the funny memes your friends send you or not even answering their phone calls right away.

But, this doesn't mean you're the only person who tends to go through this. "Many empaths struggle with maintaining boundaries due to their deep emotional attunement," she says. Color me guilty because this sounds so much like me. It got so bad at one point that my sister nicknamed me 'Captain Save-A-Lot,' which is actually the clean version of what she truly meant. Still, empathy fatigue is no laughing matter nor does it mean you're defected. You just have the natural ability to show people their feelings are important to you.

How can I protect my peace as the empathetic friend?

You know you need to set boundaries, but what does that mean? Paruolo says, "The key is understanding that empathy needs to be balanced with compassion - it's not just about feeling others' emotions but also knowing how to help without depleting yourself."

One of the things she loves to do is "encourage empaths to set clear boundaries around their emotional availability and make time for regular grounding exercises." As with gratitude journaling, try to focus on an activity that calls for you to be present. Focus on what you can hear, see, touch, taste, and smell.

"Self-care isn't just a luxury; it's essential maintenance for empaths. This might mean scheduling alone time, finding a supportive therapist, or joining communities where you can process your experiences," Paruolo implores.

I know how to be there for others, but how do I ask for emotional support when I need it?

You may feel like it's impossible to ask others for help since your shoulders are the ones people cry on, but you're only doing yourself a disservice by not speaking up. No one's super resilient or able to handle all of their distressing feelings alone. We're not meant to.

It's the reason Paruolo wants you to speak up about what you need. "The most effective approach I've seen is being direct about your needs rather than hoping others will figure them out," she says. I made this mistake during postpartum and found myself expecting my family & friends to know exactly how I felt, but they're not mind readers. The more I verbally asked for help with little or big tasks, the more my mental and emotional load lightened.

Paruolo wants you to look at "asking for support as strengthening your friendships through trust and vulnerability, instead of waiting until you're overwhelmed." By the time you reach that point, you'll be ready to enter rage or full-blown shut down mode and they're not fun.

Avoid unlocking their proverbial doors by scheduling "regular check-ins with trusted friends," suggests Paruolo. "This creates a sustainable support system and helps prevent emotional crisis points.

A Gratitude Journaling Idea For When You're Worried About The Future

Write Down 5 Things You're Grateful You Can See, Touch, Hear, And Smell

This is actually a practice I picked up in therapy to help redirect my anxious thoughts. It's something I often refer to when I'm fixated on the future and things that might happen. Any time you feel yourself not being present because you're worried about what's next, focus on things that are immediately in front of you or around you.

For example, here's what's reminding me to be present:

• I can hear one of my favorite gospel songs playing and the subtle humming I'm doing.
• I can see two lime green books on my desk.
• I can smell the clean laundry my fiancé took out of the dryer.
• I'm touching the keys on my keyboard as I type this.

Gratitude Journaling Idea For When You're Experiencing Sadness

Write Down 3 Things You're Grateful For Today

Practicing gratitude when you're sad isn't so you can pretend the sadness doesn't exist. It's a very real emotion that calls for us to be curious about why we're feeling that way. However, if you feel like you're 'stuck' in your sadness, you can try writing down 3 things you're grateful for right now. Again, they don't have to be grandiose. They just have to make sense to you.

You could be grateful for:

• Eating a delicious meal
• Having a good night's sleep
• Hearing your favorite song at the right moment
• Morning snuggles with your pet or toddler
• Having access to binge watch your favorite TV show when you need to escape reality for a bit

Write Down The People You're Grateful You Can Rely On

My hope is that everyone has at least one person they can rely on during difficult moments in life. I know everyone doesn't have huge villages for different reasons, but I'd rather focus on who is there.

This gratitude journaling idea doesn't require you to go in depth about why you're grateful for the people in your corner unless you want to. You can simply write their names down if that's all you have the bandwidth for.

Recount A Memory That Always Makes You Smile

When in doubt, think about a moment that was hilarious or filled you with joy. It can be from your childhood, first year in college, or even your wedding day! The one memory that always makes me smile is from an interesting moment I told one of my uncles he looked like Santa Claus. I was around 5 or 6 years old, so it was a super innocent comment, but still it was hilarious nonetheless. No one in my family has let my uncle or me forget that moment. It's small, but it's one of the memories I'm grateful I can remember when I'm feeling sad.

A Gratitude Journaling Idea For When You Feel You're Not Doing Enough

Write Down 1 Thing You've Grateful You've Accomplished

I know some journal prompts ask you to list multiple things you've recently accomplished, but I've found that makes me a little more anxious that necessary. If this sounds like you, I see you and think it's just as impactful to be grateful for one thing you've done that you're proud of. It could be as simple as:

• "I had the strength to get out of bed today after wanting to do nothing more than hide under the covers."
• "I did laundry and put everything away."
• "I made myself a meal instead of ordering lunch like I usually do."
• "I stuck to my budget this week."
• "My presentation at work or school went really well."
• "I made that scary phone call I've been putting off."
• "I went for a walk around my neighborhood or local park."

1. The best drugstore eyeliner: e.l.f. Cosmetics No Budge Retractable Eyeliner
   
2. A smudge-proof, felt-tipped favorite: wet n wild Mega Last Breakup Proof Liner
3. A waterproof wonder: Milani Stay Put Matte Eyeliner
4. For the more detail-oriented: NYX Epic Ink Liner
5. A runner-up pencil pick: Maybelline TattooStudio Eyeliner Pencil

Okay, what's the tea on the best eyeliner?

The best drugstore eyeliner I've been using is by none other than e.l.f. Cosmetics. I've talked about their amazing Power Grip Primer (a dupe for Milk's Hydro version), but this No Budge Retractable Eyeliner deserves it's own spotlight. I've tried other brands that I thought were good, but a funny incident that counted as an early pregnancy sign is what earned this one's place in makeup kit.

I usually never cry while watching sad movies, but a random movie night in May 2020 ended with me running into the bathroom and bursting into tears over a distressing scene. My fiancé and I were still in the dating phase, so he was confused about what happened, but luckily made sure I was okay. He even commented on the fact that my eyeliner wasn't running down my face which I filed in the back of my mind.

So, how is it so different from other eyeliners you've tried?

I'm glad you asked! e.l.f's No Budge Retractable Eyeliner is considered to be the "ultimate eye pencil" because it's not only waterproof, but it's also retractable. I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of sharpening eyeliners. It's a personal preference that's led me to something that feels super easy to use.

The other thing I like about it is how smooth it glides onto my water line. I've poked myself in the eye more times than I'd like to admit, but haven't had that problem with this product. It's also incredibly pigmented so I get an amazing color payoff that frames my brown eyes perfectly.

I'm fairly light-handed while applying it because I love a 'softer' look, but you can apply as much pressure as you're comfortable with!

You know I have to ask: how do other customers feel about the best drugstore eyeliner?

With other 22,000 reviews on Amazon, this eyeliner has a 4.4 rating where over half of the reviews have given it 5 stars. Why?

• "I love with this eyeliner that it can be a very thin line or a heavy line. You can smudge it and make it very soft. It's very very workable and I love it!"
• "This is very easy to use. It's reasonably priced and I can't tell that it's a cheaper product than those you would find at Sephora. I will definitely be purchasing again."
  
• "As a 77 year old woman, eye area can be sensitive and I like this eyeliner because it is a softer texture and does not make me stretch my eyes"
• "For a few dollars, I purchased the Elf eyeliner and it is marvelous! It has the richest pigment! Truly, it is a ten, and 'less than ten dollars' and most importantly, cruelty-free!"
• "I finally found an eyeliner that doesn't smudge ! I have hooded eyelids and really struggle with makeup coming off because of the way my eyes are shaped. I wore this eyeliner for a wedding and I didn't have any smears! I loved the color too."
• "Love this Eyeliner! It's perfect and lasts a long time. My new favorite. My other go-tos were letting me down. This is perfect! Goes on smooth, lasts all day, looks good. Worth it!"

Shop The Best Drugstore Eyeliner Here!

The best drugstore eyeliner: e.l.f. Cosmetics No Budge Retractable Eyeliner

Hopefully the above raving sealed the deal for you on this amazing eyeliner!

More Drugstore Eyeliners I Recommend & Why

A smudge-proof, felt-tipped favorite: wet n wild Mega Last Breakup Proof Liner

If I wasn't such a fan of a pencil formula, this breakup proof liner would be my go-to. Someone on wet n wild's marketing team knows breakups and tears go together like two peas in a pod so why not create something that's smudge-proof? You won't experience any flaking or cracking with this product either, just 16 pure hours of sharp lines that could do damage if your ex dared to look in your eyes.

A waterproof wonder: Milani Stay Put Matte Eyeliner

This eyeliner's bottle lets you know how long you'll be able to wear it which is an added bonus IMO. There's up to 17 hours of waterproof liquid-to-matte formula in this teeny bottle which says a lot. Ever heard of the saying, "Big things come in small packages?" If not, meet the eyeliner that proves how accurate this statement is.

For the more detail-oriented: NYX Epic Ink Liner

Waterproof and liquid liner may not sound like they go together, but NYX has taken great care to make sure they do. Most customers on Amazon end up keeping it which lets you know how good it is, but I don't mind convincing you a little more.

It has a precise tip to help you achieve the cat eye you've been trying to master for years and dries to a matte finish. Just be mindful not to poke yourself in the eye because it's not as forgiving as a pencil formula!

A runner-up pencil pick: Maybelline TattooStudio Eyeliner Pencil

Clearly I just said I don't prefer eyeliners that to be sharpened, but I'll only make an exception if the pencil doesn't have a sharp point in the package. You'll still get the same smooth application as e.l.f's No Budge version, but Maybelline promises to give you up to 36 hours of wear with this product. I haven't worn makeup beyond 24 hours so I can't vouch for that, but it lasts throughout a school or work day.