Romance is thrilling and sexy, but I'd be lying if I said figuring out how to navigate a rough patch in your relationship isn't frustrating. After becoming new parents, my S.O. and I went through a period where we didn't like each other too much, and we were woefully underprepared for how to navigate that. It got so bad that we didn't even want to be in the same room as each other, and we were actually on the verge of a bad breakup.
Now that we've worked our way past that rough patch, I've often wondered if other couples have felt clueless about navigating their own painful moments. With more people assigning to villain role to people in relationships or their partners, it kind of feels like everyone is just winging it out here. However, I know it's possible for couples to get back on track if that's their goal — I'm living proof!
Instead of just sharing my perspective, I turned to expert Michelle King, LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) of Ocean Recovery to share board-certified and actionable steps couples can take to navigate a rough patch in their relationships. Olivia Tapper, Co-Founder of Pet Portraits, also shared tips based on her own lived relationship experience. From the first big argument that rocks the boat to dealing with financial hardships, these tips will serve as a guiding post for anyone who feels like all hope is lost.
The Perfect Relationship Is A Myth
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One thing I've learned is that wanting a healthy relationship doesn't mean nothing stressful will ever happen. King said, "No relationship is immune to rough patches. They are a part of the natural ebb and flow of being in a partnership." According to her, what matters is how couples respond to these moments because they can "significantly impact the relationship's longevity and quality."
This doesn't mean you have to subscribe to being in something toxic in order to prove you and your partner are resilient. It's just a reminder that there's no such thing as perfection and you shouldn't feel like a failure if you're struggling in your relationship. Here's a few tips she has for couples in various stages of their relationships.
Advice For Couples Dating Less Than A Year
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When you first enter a relationship, everything feels new and exciting. It's like you and your S.O. can do no wrong in each other's eyes. Basically, you're like the walking heart-eyes emoji at first and that's okay! That's a period of time that deserves to be celebrated, but what happens when you have your first real argument?
Sometimes you can feel yourself recoiling from your S.O. you may find it hard to believe they're capable of because there's doing or saying something you find offensive. Maybe it was you who offended your partner in some way. Regardless of how the argument started, King said to remember to keep communicating. "It's important to learn about each other's likes, dislikes, and boundaries early on," she said. Also, she encourages you to get comfortable with having "difficult conversations as they can strengthen your understanding of each other."
Advice For Engaged Couples
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Getting engaged is a beautiful moment for couples who've decided to take their relationship to the next level. At the same time, King said, "This period can bring up issues around commitment, future plans, and families of origin." To help navigate any recurring disagreements, King suggests you and your S.O. consider pre-marital counseling to help address them. More than anything, she wants you to "...keep nurturing your relationship amid wedding planning by spending quality time together."
Tapper shared that this is one of the ways she and her S.O. Thomas, the CEO of Pets Portrait, stay on track. They matched on Hinge in 2022 and made the decision to have an in-person date despite being 800 miles apart. Tapper told Daily Mail, "The distance between the UK and Sweden, coupled with my demanding career, made me question whether to continue our conversations." However, she trusted her intuition and the couple are now happily married.
The key to maintaining their healthy relationship has a lot to do with communicating openly and honestly. She told us, "Every Sunday, we hold a one-hour session without distractions...where we expression our appreciation for each other, reflecting on the past week and writing everything down." This essentially serves as a relationship check-in that helps them assess how they feel about their relationship.
"This ritual creates a safe space for loving feedback, encouraging positive change, and avoiding passive-aggressive behavior which can be detrimental to any relationship," said Tapper.
Advice For Newlyweds
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Now that you've said, "I do" and are in the beginning stages of your marriage, you should understand that it's normal for the newness of being married to dissipate eventually. When this happens, King said, "It's essential to maintain open communication, practice patience, and understand that adjusting to married life takes time." It's normal for you to encounter learning curves because you're entering a new chapter in your lives. Just remember to take time to appreciate each other as you're both learning and growing.
Tapper agrees with this and said, "An essential aspect of navigating relationship challenges is both partners' willingness to work on the relationship. This commitment involves having open discussion about the future, setting shared goals, and tracking progress together."
Advice For First-Time Parents
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After you and your S.O. have welcomed your adorable baby, the oxytocin was probably flowing and you may not have expected for things to become stressful. But, it's possible that maternal mental health issues can arise on top of you dealing with sleep deprivation. To make matters more frustrating, you may have realized that your supportive village isn't as big as you expected.
As hard as it may seem, King said this isn't the time for you and your S.O. to pull away from each other. She said, "Make sure both partners are involved in childcare, communicate openly about your fears and concerns, and try to set aside regular couple time." I know — how can you possibly think about prioritizing your S.O. when you're tending to a newborn or infant?
It's easier said than done, but creating time for each other helps you remember that you're on the same page and aren't each other's enemy. However, I know this can be hard when becoming a parent triggers any past trauma you and your S.O. may have. Tapper said to "work on healing these aspects of oneself to avoid projecting unresolved issues onto one's partner."
Advice For Navigating Financial Hardships
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Money is another issue that can cause couples to experience a rough patch in their relationships. Although you may think it's not something that should be argued about, it doesn't mean you'll always see eye-to-eye with your partner about it. This is especially true if you and your S.O. have different financial habits. For example, you may be a saver while your partner is a spender or vice versa. This can cause different arguments if either of you are trying to adhere to a budget, but it seems like money continues to fall through the cracks.
King said, "Money issues can cause significant strain. It's important to have open, honest discussions about finances, create a realistic budget together, and seek financial advice if needed."
Advice For Navigating Health Scares
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Disagreements aren't the only rough patch a relationship can encounter. Although no one wants to think about it, health scares can also impact couples. I saw firsthand how the deterioration of my dad's former girlfriend's health took a toll on him. He became her caregiver and stayed by her side until she passed away, and it was difficult to watch him realize the severity of her medical diagnoses.
King said, "Serious health issues can cause emotional distress and role changes. Be there for each other emotionally, attend medical appointments together, and consider seeking support from a counselor or support groups."
Disagreements and hard moments are never fun to experience, but I hope you're able to apply some of these tips the next time you have to navigate a rough patch in your relationship.
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