“Self Service” Is the Self-Care Podcast of Your Cosmic Dreams

My Favorite Face Moisturizers For Dry Skin

Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cream

I've been using Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cream for the past 3 years and it's been a miracle for my confused skin. IMO, it's not greasy despite having a richer texture than I'm used to. It actually feels soothing to me and I think that has everything to do with the 4.5 percent Squalene and Glacial Glycoprotein that's in it.

I typically use a hyaluronic acid serum in addition to this, but this facial cream is my go-to moisturizer.

Why Other Customers Love It

Other customers have a lot to say about this thick moisturizer, but the standout Amazon reviews are:

• "By profession I'm a cosmetologist so have decades of experience not only with hair products, but also with those concerning skin care. I've tried almost every item on the market and this is my favorite. It isn't heavy, yet provides plenty of moisturization. My face feels so soft! I'm a senior citizen and my skin tends to be dry, but just a little of this smoothes and hydrates it. You don't even need a primer. Makeup glides on."
• "This is the only moisturizer that doesn’t break out my extremely sensitive skin. I have rosacea and other products burn my skin and make my face even more red. I’ve been using this and it’s the only thing I can use."
• "This moisturizer feels great on the skin! I have mixed oily and dry skin and it has done so well. I recently switched from Tula to this brand and I have not regretted it. It does not cause breakouts and I feel like my face is hydrated the whole day. i would definitely recommend."
• "Nice product that gives some sun protection. A little thicker consistency than regular moisturizer but the convenience of not using sunscreen for daily errands. My DIL gave me this once for a birthday & I have been using ever since."

La Roche-Posay Triple Repair Moisturizing Cream

Okay, this moisturizer is a little pricier than the others I've mentioned, but it's La Roche-Posay! If you're looking at me with a blank stare, I'll do my best to explain. This is hands-down one of the best skincare brands I've come across in my 30s because a handful of their products have a seal of approval from the National Eczema Association.

It has shea butter and niacinamide in it, which are double threats against icky environmental elements that cling to dry skin. Plus, you can use it on your face, body and hands!

Why Other Customers Love It

Here are some of the best reviews on Amazon about this luxurious moisturizer:

• "This lotion has literally no fragrance. It leaves my skin feeling soft with a subtle glow without being greasy. It is also extremely hydrating. I have very sensitive skin, and the fact that babies can use it too is what made me decide to try it."
• "The first application was wild. It’s thick and feels pretty slippery on the surface. But the next morning, I didn’t want to stop touching my face. The flakes became way more manageable and allowed me to continue the retinitis treatment. I’ve been using this for a few weeks, and my skin texture has improved tremendously. It is great that you can use it on your body as well. I lather it on at night and then put a very light layer on under my sunscreen in the morning. It doesn’t make me look greasy if I let it soak in before applying makeup."
• "It instantly alleviated my dryness, leaving my skin radiant, glowy, and remarkably hydrated. As we transition into the winter months, I’m confident this cream will be a lifesaver against the harsh, windy weather we often experience in the Midwest."
• "As someone with sensitive and acne-prone skin, this has been a game changer. I can't imagine going without this product since starting tretinoin and tazarotene. I use it as a final step in my routine to seal in moisture and any active ingredients. La Roche-Posay has consistently made sensitive-skin-friendly products. I'm not sure how you may react to the high shea butter content, but my skin doesn't seem to have any issues with it. The thickness is unlike any lotion I've tried. 10/10 would recommend."

Olay Complete+ Rich Moisturizing Cream

Having sensitive skin isn't a death sentence for your face. It just means your skin is picky and only wants the best products to touch it, so technically it's like having a superpower. If you're still not convinced, let Olay's Complete+ Rich Moisturizing Cream persuade you.

It has vitamin B3, vitamin E, and ceramides in it that work together to provide all day hydration. Also, these powerhouse ingredients work together to promote healthy cell turnover so your gorgeous moisture barrier is in tip-top shape. P.S. It's recommended by the Skin Health Alliance.

Why Other Customers Love This Facial Moisturizer

Check out what these Amazon customers had to say:

• "I have extremely sensitive skin and this doesn't irritate my skin. I've tried and given up using many products (I'm 71). This cream makes my skin (face and neck) soft and hydrated. I use it several hours before bed and again in the morning. I alternate using it with another face skin care product."
• "I find this to be every bit as moisturizing, creamy, and long-lasting as any of the more expensive face creams that are all the rage these days. I have tried many of the face serums, creams, and lotions and do not think any of them work any better than this Olay Face Cream."
• "My mom used Olay products and her skin was immaculate! I started using it in my 30s and switched to other more popular, more expensive brands. I should have never stopped using it. I love this new moisturizer too! It feels amazing and makes my face look so smooth! I'm back Olay!"
• "Tried this because my husband’s dermatologist has the most beautiful skin. I asked the dr what he used and this was it. After using so many different moisturizers for years I always had red rough skin. Now after all these years the redness is gone!! Its definitely worth giving it a try."

My #1 Favorite Body Moisturizer For Dry Skin 

Palmer's Shea Formula Body Lotion

Since it's a little colder, I need something that's going to keep my skin moisturized without triggering eczema flareups. One of the top moisturizers that gets the job done is Palmer's Shea Formula Body Lotion.

I personally opt to get the value size of this because it lasts a little over a month for me. Why? Well, a little goes a long way because this dermatologist-approved formula is thick. But once I rub it into my skin, it provides the silkiest shine I've ever seen. Besides shea butter, it has Marula, oatmeal, grapeseed oil, and vitamin E in it to provide the radiance I love so much.

It's usually $16 on Amazon, but it's currently on sale for $13!

Why Other Customers Love It

According to Amazon, over 5,000 customers have purchased Palmer's Shea Formula body lotion this month. Also, it has a 4.6 rating which means I'm not the only one who loves using it. Here's my favorite 5-star reviews:

• "As someone who battles dry skin year-round, finding a reliable moisturizer has always been a challenge—until I discovered Palmer's Shea Formula Raw Shea Body Lotion. This lotion has been a game-changer for me, and I'm thrilled to share my experience."
• "The smell of this is amazing, makes my skin silky and smooth. great everyday lotion & the smell is subtle enough that it doesn’t overwhelm when I put my perfume on. My skin is plenty hydrated using this and I don’t notice any stickiness once it dries down."
• "So we are on our 4th bottle now. Loving the product? Yassss!"
• "We live in far Southern Az, where it is extremely dry (except during the monsoon). So we have had to start using skin lotions to make our skin feel better. This stuff is really great! And it lasts quite awhile."

Another Body Moisturizer I Love Using For Dry Skin

Aveeno Skin Relief Moisturizing Lotion

If I feel like switching things up, I'll buy Aveeno's Skin Relief Moisturizing Lotion. It has a triple oat (oat flour, extract, and oil) and shea formula that work wonders for anyone who knows how it feels to have dry skin you suddenly have to scratch all the time. It's basically tough on things that cause dry skin, but gentle on the sensitivity of it!

Why Other Customers Love It

This lotion actually has a slightly higher rating than Palmer's and has been purchased over 6,000 times this month. The only reason it's not my first go-to is because I have fond childhood memories of Palmer's. Aside from that, Aveeno is pretty d—n amazing!

Customers are saying:

• "My derm recommended it, my skin is now so soft, not dry anymore as long as I keep applying daily."
• "Love this lotion. I am super sensitive with lifelong relatively dry skin, and also super picky about my lotion quality and what I need."
• "I've tried high end lotions and they have nothing on this stuff! This lotion is incredibly soothing, providing instant relief and long-lasting hydration that keeps my skin feeling soft and smooth all day. The formula is gentle, fragrance-free, and absorbs quickly without leaving any greasy residue, making it perfect for daily use. I’ve noticed a significant improvement in my skin’s texture and overall comfort since I started using it."
• "I’ve tried so many - This is the Only lotion that keeps the moisture in my skin. I put it on in the morning and my skin is still soft and dewy at night and even the next morning."
  

Are there really assigned roles in friend groups or am I just imagining things?

Like I said before, it can seem like you and your friends unintentionally gravitate toward certain 'roles.' It's not like anyone woke up one day and decided, "I'm going to be the 'mother hen' of the group," but it tends to happen. Why?

Paruolo says, "In my clinical work, I've consistently observed that our friendship roles often mirror our early family dynamics. These patterns show up naturally — think about who in your friend group gets the first crisis call, who plans all the gatherings, or who everyone turns to for emotional support." I'm willing to bet you thought of a name for each scenario — including yours — because I know I did!

"Like in families, we each fall into specific roles that feel familiar to us," Paruolo further explains.

What actually makes someone an empathetic person?

There's so many definitions for empathy, but I thought it would be wise to ask a licensed professional for her opinion on the matter. "Empathy means to feel what others are feeling. You do not have to have a personal direct experience with something to feel empathy for another person," shares Paruolo.

For example, your friend could call to tell you she has to have fibroid removal surgery and is feeling scared. You may have never had surgery, but you could find yourself feeling the need to comfort her in spite of this. Paruolo says, "The cool thing about our brains is that we have mirror neurons, which means part of our brain is set up to feel what others feel. The ability to attune to others' emotional states comes naturally to some people, while others may need to develop this capacity more consciously."

To break it down even further, here's signs that Paruolo says point to your empathetic nature.

Physical Signs:

• Getting physically exhausted after being in crowds
• Feeling drained after social interactions, even enjoyable ones (OMG I feel so seen!)
• Needing extra time alone to recharge

Emotional Signs:

• Absorbing other people's emotions like a sponge
• Feeling anxious or overwhelmed in emotionally charged environments
• Finding it hard to watch violence or cruelty in movies/TV

Social Signs:

• Feeling responsible for others' happiness
• Having trouble saying "no" to people who need help

Mental Signs:

• Picking up on subtle changes in others' moods
• Being highly attuned to body language and tone
• Finding it hard to distinguish your feelings from others' feelings

It sounds like I'm the empathetic friend, but are there any downsides to this?

I've been an empath for as long as I can remember and I've found that I have to 'recharge' my social batteries at times. I thought it was because I was trying to be superwoman by fixing others' problems, but it turns out theres more to it than that. Paruolo says, "Empathetic friends and people have an uncanny ability to sense others' emotional states even when unspoken, and frequently need recovery time after intense social interactions. They tend to be deeply affected by others' experiences and naturally consider situations from multiple perspectives."

In the long run, she says it can be "distressing" for some people to always feel the feelings of others. Over time, she says, "it can cause you to shut down and retract." This can look like not being as quick to respond to the funny memes your friends send you or not even answering their phone calls right away.

But, this doesn't mean you're the only person who tends to go through this. "Many empaths struggle with maintaining boundaries due to their deep emotional attunement," she says. Color me guilty because this sounds so much like me. It got so bad at one point that my sister nicknamed me 'Captain Save-A-Lot,' which is actually the clean version of what she truly meant. Still, empathy fatigue is no laughing matter nor does it mean you're defected. You just have the natural ability to show people their feelings are important to you.

How can I protect my peace as the empathetic friend?

You know you need to set boundaries, but what does that mean? Paruolo says, "The key is understanding that empathy needs to be balanced with compassion - it's not just about feeling others' emotions but also knowing how to help without depleting yourself."

One of the things she loves to do is "encourage empaths to set clear boundaries around their emotional availability and make time for regular grounding exercises." As with gratitude journaling, try to focus on an activity that calls for you to be present. Focus on what you can hear, see, touch, taste, and smell.

"Self-care isn't just a luxury; it's essential maintenance for empaths. This might mean scheduling alone time, finding a supportive therapist, or joining communities where you can process your experiences," Paruolo implores.

I know how to be there for others, but how do I ask for emotional support when I need it?

You may feel like it's impossible to ask others for help since your shoulders are the ones people cry on, but you're only doing yourself a disservice by not speaking up. No one's super resilient or able to handle all of their distressing feelings alone. We're not meant to.

It's the reason Paruolo wants you to speak up about what you need. "The most effective approach I've seen is being direct about your needs rather than hoping others will figure them out," she says. I made this mistake during postpartum and found myself expecting my family & friends to know exactly how I felt, but they're not mind readers. The more I verbally asked for help with little or big tasks, the more my mental and emotional load lightened.

Paruolo wants you to look at "asking for support as strengthening your friendships through trust and vulnerability, instead of waiting until you're overwhelmed." By the time you reach that point, you'll be ready to enter rage or full-blown shut down mode and they're not fun.

Avoid unlocking their proverbial doors by scheduling "regular check-ins with trusted friends," suggests Paruolo. "This creates a sustainable support system and helps prevent emotional crisis points.

1. Women with a lot of friends value connection & community.

The one thing everyone with a solid group of friends can agree on is how it feels like you've built your own supportive community. Friends are often the first people we turn to with good or bad news, or the ones we simply want to go on adventures with. Osequeda says, "Women with strong friendship circles often value connection, community, and the power of vulnerability."

There's a realization that women in this unique position are able to "recognize that life is richer with a support system," says Osequeda. This involves "people who will listen, validate, and be there through both the highs and lows" she adds. From the friend who stayed up with you all night after a bad breakup to the one who cheered the loudest at your graduation, women who have a huge friend circle know that life feels better when we can connect with others.

Based on her experience as a therapist, she's "observed how women start friendships by gradually sharing layers of themselves." This can look like "having children at the same school or bonding over shared interests," she adds. This vulnerability is important because it creates a foundation that signals to women they've found their tribe.

2. Women with multiple friendships are open to vulnerability.

Like Osequeda mentioned, vulnerability can deepen our friendships. "These women are open to sharing the 'messy' parts of themselves which builds a deeper, more authentic bond." Also, she notes women with a lot of friends "aren't afraid to shed layers and be real" because "this vulnerability strengthens their sense of community." The more this happens over time, the more it "helps foster the connections" women with a lot of friends "cherish," according to Osequeda.

Honestly, she says "we’re all wired to seek out connection, and friendships provide that sense of community, validation, and belonging." She believes we truly "crave spaces where we can share our thoughts and feelings about what truly matters to us."

Asher believes women with lots of friends are "usually drawn towards one another in friendship" based on two levels:

• Level 1: Shared interests, appearance of confidence, a positive energy that they feel (smiling helps with this!)
• Level 2: (When in conversation) the safety they feel when speaking to another person, [emotional compatibility], how engaged the person is in conversation, and a desire to learn more about them, ultimately to find shared values.

This determines how women move forward in friendships. The approach is often led with "a deep sense of authenticity and care," according to Osequeda. "This is because women want relationships where they can be themselves, sharing hopes, dreams, and frustrations without judgment."

3. Women who have a lot of friends like other people they're friends with.

Again, the fact women with lots of friends actually like the people in their chosen circle is monumental. Asher says, "An interesting Yale study done in 2003 sought to look at 'popularity' in high schools to see if they could find something that all of the most liked and most popular kids had in common (outside of being a jock, etc.,)."

The common thread? "THEY liked the highest amount of people," Asher reveals. I talk about being a people pleaser a lot, but genuinely liking others isn't the same as that. IMO, it's actually admirable when people can respect others regardless of their race, religion, socioeconomic status, or sexuality.

She knows you're likely asking, "How does this apply to women having a lot of friends?" Her answer? "Across the board, the principle here is that women with the most friends are continuously on a hunt to find good and likable things about others."

However, this isn't based on a selfish need or want. "They've determined that the time invested in others is of mutual benefit," says Asher because "the biggest coast in adult female friendships is time — the most finite resource we all share in common."

4. These women also don't mind making new friends.

While making friends as adults shouldn't be hard, it definitely doesn't mean it comes easily. From overthinking to social anxiety, there's so many reasons why we struggle. Also, this idea we're doing fine without friends isn't exactly helpful or positive. Asher says, "The CDC has said that the impacts of loneliness on our bodies are more harmful than smoking 15 cigarettes A DAY! Making time for quality friendships (and the pursuit of it) is just as important for your physical state as working out is."

Where should you start if you want to forge new friendships? Osequeda says, "Start within communities that already resonate with you — whether it’s your child’s school, your workplace, a gym, dog park or a shared hobby. Places where you already belong create natural opportunities to connect." She even suggests giving "apps like Bumble BFF or local meet-up groups" a chance because they "can also help you find like-minded friends." But don't think you're limited to this!

Though Asher agrees that women tend to approach "friendships by trying to find commonalities right from the beginning," she says you don't have to confine yourself to this formula. "The reason I don't think this is best is because we are boxing ourselves in when we do this. The greatest friends could be on the other side of the stereotypes we're creating," she notes. Taking it a step further, Asher shared her own experience with this. "I watched all 3 of my best friends get married and have kids all before I ever got married. On the outside, most women would think 'They don’t have anything in common.' But on the inside, the character traits and values we each were looking for were mutual, and that became a more important compass for our friendship than the stage in life we were each in."

She was even surprised she'd become close to her best friends because of how things looked externally. "We had nothing in common, but I'm so glad I didn't box myself in," she says excitedly.

Here Are Even More Ways To Make New Friends!

Asher has three ways you can open yourself up to new adult friendships if you're interested.

1. The most important place to start is our mindset. We have to first decide “I don’t want to be lonely anymore, and I’m worth having meaningful friendships.” When we make that decision, then we give ourselves permission and the courage to step out and take action in that! Important note about this: there was a study done at Stanford that revealed that people are 1.5x MORE likely to accept us than we think they are! So don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back!
2. Go first. Make the ask, and then make the plans! Saying “We should hang out sometime” is ineffective because “sometime” isn’t a day on the calendar! We cannot wait for other people to want to pursue a friendship with us, because most of us are in this same boat — not knowing where to start! We can pursue connection, get plugged into a community (examples: book club, fitness class, church, etc), or create our own connections by just inviting someone over to our house/apartment. The biggest thing we need to remind ourselves of that is to stop making excuses, or pre-determining how we think people will respond!
3. Again, don’t box yourself in. Don’t let your preconceived notions of what you think your archetype of a friend will look like stop you from spending time with others who don't fit that label. As addressed above, the friendships we’ve been looking for our whole lives could be right behind the stereotypes we’ve created! It’s more about character traits than it is about the external compatibility of hobbies or stages of life.

Osequeda's last piece of advice? "If you already have a friend group, meeting friends of friends is another great way to grow your circle. They key is taking that first step with a little bit of vulnerability — start a conversation, ask a question, and show interest." She's sure "it's these small moments of openness that create lasting connections!"