Why Your Proposal Doesn’t Need to Be a Surprise

Everyone loves a great proposal story; there’s even an entire Instagram account dedicated to them! While all proposals make us feel the love, no two are alike — especially this day and age, when people celebrate the uniqueness of their relationship with custom rings and one-of-a-kind celebrations. For that reason, the perfect proposal doesn’t exist, but we’re wondering if there’s a secret sauce to popping the question. More specifically: to surprise or not to surprise?

Point: Proposals should be a surprise

Zola, an online suite of wedding and registry planning tools, conducted a survey of newly engaged couples to gauge attitudes about the tradition. The results skew pretty heavily in favor of popping the question as a surprise.

While there’s certainly merit to walking through the proposal process together, the survey indicates that most fiancés-to-be still want the question to comes as a surprise; 89 percent said they wanted the proposal to be a total shock.

Weddings and proposals are associated with some of the longest-standing traditions and social norms of any societal ritual — the white dress, the first dance, and the diamond ring are all symbols that have been incorporated into American weddings for centuries. Traditionally, a man proposed to a woman as a surprise because traditionally, men controlled a large portion of the marriage process. Back in the days where marriages revolved more around money than love, a wedding was a symbol of a financial transaction between the husband and the bride’s father — that’s why fathers traditionally “give away” the bride to her betrothed.

While we’ve certainly advanced far beyond this model, the fact that (most) people still want to be surprised when it comes to the actual engagement could indicate an affinity for the traditions and rituals surrounding weddings. This doesn’t mean that every element of proposals should be a surprise; in fact, only 19 percent of respondents said they wanted their ring to be a total surprise, and almost a third hoped to pick out the ring in advance.

Counterpoint: Proposals shouldn’t be a surprise

Brooke Genn, a relationship coach and former wedding photographer, feels a little differently about the surprise factor. Speaking to the aforementioned outdated traditions when it comes to weddings, Genn feels that modern marriage calls for a modern proposal.

“Marriage has modernized,” she says. “It’s no longer one partner waiting hopefully to get hitched while the other makes up their mind. Today, it’s prudent to have a conversation with your partner about what their stance is on marriage, if they see building a future with you, and when they’d like to begin that journey.”

For some couples, talking about marriage might feel like the norm. For others, it’s a taboo topic that hasn’t been breached yet. If you fall in the latter category, Genn recommends chatting about marriage as an institution to get things started. As things evolve from there, you and your S.O. can begin to have more serious dialogue about your married life.

In this way, Genn says that marriage shouldn’t be a surprise — but the actual proposal itself can be. When it comes down to it, it’s all about what’s best for you and your boo. No matter who’s asking the question and who’s answering it, the “yes” is ultimately a decision between you and your partner.

Should proposals be a surprise? Let us know what you think @BritandCo!

(Photo via Getty)

Valentine's Day is next month, so it's time for a little tough love. Are you ready? Deep breath... You're not going to get far in your relationship by wondering, "What are we doing?" anymore. For such a simple question, it carries the weight of being vague and loaded. It's not that you shouldn't want to know where your relationship is headed, but there are better questions to ask your boyfriend.

From my first relationship to being engaged with an energetic toddler, I know a thing or two about how to broach certain topics. But, I'm no one's expert so I turned to Sean O'Neill, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Clinical Director at Maple Moon Recovery, to help you figure out how to get to the heart of your relationship.

Scroll to see which deep questions to ask your boyfriend for a better, healthier relationship!

Andres Ayrton

1. Questions To Ask If You're In The 'Honeymoon' Stage

Whenever we finally move from flirting with our crushes to being in a relationship with them, it's typically followed by a period of euphoria. You and your boyfriend likely can't get enough of each other right now which is probably making your friends playfully roll their eyes. Since everything is brand new, you can still keep it light though.

O'Neill suggests asking "open-ending questions that prompt curiosity and connection:"

  • What's one dream you've never let me in on?
  • What's one little gesture that can make you feel valued?

"These couple of queries facilitate bonding while generating enthusiasm for the goals and interests of each other," he says.

Budgeron Bach

2. Questions To Ask After Your First Big Fight

Even if you and your boyfriend are super tuned in to each other, a disagreement or argument is bound to happen. In case you're worried, your relationship isn't on thin ice because you're not seeing eye-to-eye on something. O'Neill says you can ask:

  • How do you think we handled the argument?
  • What could we do differently next time to make our future fights more productive?

His reasoning is that these questions "promote growth and empathy" so "disagreements are transformed into stronger communication opportunities."

Note: Disagreements should never turn physical. It's not okay for you and your boyfriend to become physically aggressive with each other. If you're concerned about domestic violence, dial the National Domestic Hotline at 1(800) 799-7233.

Keira Burton

3. Questions To Ask Before Introducing Your Boyfriend To Your Parents

Introducing your boyfriend to your parents is a huge step that can be scary and exciting. I was terrified when my parents first met my fiancé because they couldn't stand my ex. But, the conversation between them flowed and everyone always looks for him to be at family events.

If you're ready for introductions to be made, O'Neill wants you to "encourage the normality of preplanned talks" by asking:

  • What is something about me that you think my parents would really love to hear about?

By doing this, he says it'll "help alleviate anxiety and ensure both spouses feel comfortable and attuned before meeting the parents."

Mikhail Nilov

4. Questions To Ask If You Or Your Boyfriend Have An Illness

It's never easy to experience illnesses or health scares, but it can be terrifying if you don't know how to help your partner manage if something unexpected happens. O'Neill says to "nurture insights with queries such as:"

  • What is one thing I could to assist you better when ill?
  • Are there any aspects concerning your healthy that haven't been discussed which make you anxious?

"The conversations provide a safe space for airing concerns while building up mutual support through health difficulties," he adds.

Mikhail Nilov

5. Questions To Ask If You're Worried About Boyfriend's Spending Habits

Financial red flags are always a cause for concern when dating someone — especially when it seems like your boyfriend doesn't care about his spending habits may affect your household if you live together. O'Neill suggests asking:

  • What are your financial goals?
  • How do you see us working towards them together?
  • How do you feel about budgeting as a team?

This will "make goal alignment stronger" because "effective communication about finances can prevent misunderstandings," he says. Also, this helps "lay the foundation for a shared vision of the future."

Bethany Ferr

6. Questions To Ask To Deepen Vulnerability With Each Other

Being vulnerable isn't easy for everyone, let alone two people in a relationship. It took me years to feel comfortable expressing my sadness or fears to my fiancé because I was afraid he'd think I was 'weak.' However, this can cause more harm than good because it becomes difficult for our partners to know what's going on with us if we don't open up.

O'Neill says you can ask:

  • What's one fear or concern you've hesitated to share with anyone before?
  • How can I help you feel safe sharing with me?
These questions "create room for openness and trust between partners" which aids in "helping them connect emotionally," according to him.

Katerina Holmes

7. Questions To Help Move The Relationship Forward

If you're still wondering "what are we doing" after asking some of the above questions, you focus on asking the following "future-oriented questions," according to O'Neill:

  • Where do you see us in 5 years?
  • What's something you envision us doing together as a couple in the future?
"Thinking about what is ahead strengthens commitment to the relationship and brings both partners' goals into line," he says.
Even though my fiancé and I have been together for a while, we still have conversations about our goals, health, raising our son, and more. It helps us to either stay aligned or see what needs to be addressed as opposed to letting physical attraction guide the way we feel 95% of the time.

But that's not all! We have more advice about relationships if you're looking to build a deeper connection yourself, friends, or family in 2025!

Landman fans, how we feeling? The first season of Taylor Sheridan's new drama came to a close on January 12 with the season finale, "The Crumbs of Hope," and it provided viewers with plenty of to think about as tensions between the cartel and M-Tex Oil came to a head — and one character suffered a potentially-fatal medical emergency.

Here's everything you need to know about the Landman season finale, including THAT (potential) character death.

What happens in the last episode of Landman?

Emerson Miller/Paramount+

The last episode of Landman opens after Monty's (Jon Hamm) ruptured aortic aneurysm in episode 9 lands him in the hospital for a heart transplant...if they can find a new heart in time. (I'm getting flashbacks to Dan's heart transplant catastrophe in One Tree Hill). But based on the fact Monty flatlines and Cami (Demi Moore) and their daughters cry over his bed, things aren't looking hopeful.

Meanwhile, Tommy (Billy Bob Thornton) takes over as M-Tex Oil president, and as he works on smoothing things over between the cartel and the oil company, he gets kidnapped by the cartel, who also blow up an oil tank and drive a nail into Tommy's leg for good measure. But just when it looks like Tommy might meet his end, cartel leader Galino (Andy Garcia) wipes out the other members and helps him escape.

Billy Bob and Andy have actually been friends for awhile, but this is the first time they've acted onscreen together! "Andy is such a great guy and great actor, and when we did those scenes at the end of the last episode, it felt so good, because we kind of had us two old veterans going head to head,” Billy Bob Thornton told Variety. “It was quite an experience, and I have to say every moment of it felt real. Tommy’s dealing with someone now who is really smart. The other guys were hired to work for him, but now Tommy’s talking to the man himself. There are advantages and disadvantages to that. Since he is so smart, who knows what Tommy is going to get tricked into?”

How did Landman end last night?

Landman season 1 ends with Tommy returning home with a proposition (er, more like a friendly demand) from Galino that the oil business and the cartel become allies. After all, the cartel's interested in taking part in the industry — and seeing what it has to offer.

“The cartel and the oil industry are kind of these odd neighbors living side by side in West Texas,” co-creator Christian Wallace tells Variety. “Now Andy’s character is thinking he is going to make a change and utilize that proximity in a way that could benefit him.”

Hopefully Paramount+ greenlights Landman season 2 so we can see just what happens between Galino and Tommy in the future...and if Monty makes it out of the hospital alive.

What did you think about the Landman finale? If you're a Taylor Sheridan fan who's still reeling from those final moments — and the Yellowstone finale — check out 17 TV Shows Yellowstone Fans Should Watch Next.

Jennifer Lopez & Ben Affleck are officially divorced. Bennifer 2.0 gave both Ben and Jennifer a second shot at their love story after they got back together in July of 2021 (following the end of their previous engagement in 2003), but both TMZ and Page Six report that after just two years of marriage, the celebrity couple's divorce has been settled.

Keep reading for the latest news on Jennifer Lopez & Ben Affleck's divorce.

Jennifer Lopez & Ben Affleck have settled their divorce with no prenup.

www.youtube.com

- YouTube

In addition to confirming the settlement, TMZ reports that both Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck will take what they earned individually throughout the time they were married — and neither will pay spousal support. Ben will also keep his stake in Artists Equity, the production company he created in 2022 with Matt Damon.

Divorce rumors first started swirling in May of 2024, when a source told InTouch Weekly that there was trouble in paradise. "The writing is on the wall – it’s over," the source says before adding, "They’re headed for a divorce – and for once, [Ben’s] not to blame!" Even though Ben and Jennifer love each other, the source believes they're just too different.

In June, the couple listed their home for sale(for $65 million), which only added to the rumor mill. And by the time August rolled around, TMZ reported that Jennifer Lopez had filed for divorce from Ben Affleck with no prenup. "The fairy tale she was promised turned out to be a nightmare in the end," a source told People. "She's in a really good place and just wants to close the door on this crazy chapter."

Jennifer Lopez also says she doesn't regret "one second."

In an conversation for Interview Magazine, comedian Nikki Glaser (who you'll recognize from her recent stint as this year's Golden Globes host) asked if she regretted any of the difficulties she experienced, and Jennifer Lopez responded with, "not one second." The 55-year-old also notes that growth is "a lifelong process."

"I think that’s what I love about life, that there’s no arrival point. There’s only getting better and growing if you want to," Jennifer continues. "It’s either growing or dying, and I don’t want to do the dying part. And yeah, there’s times when I thought I figured it out, and then life goes, 'Let’s send you another thing and see if you fall for it. Let’s see if you really have learned that lesson.' And I hadn’t."

But Jennifer Lopez adds that she'll only use those lessons to grow even more in the future. "I understand that now in a much deeper way, which doesn’t mean that I won’t make mistakes in the future, but again, when your whole house blows up, you’re standing there in the rubble going, 'How do I not ever let that happen again?' And then you start examining it little by little saying, 'Okay, I did this, this was my part in it, this was what I should have seen early on, this is what I didn’t look at.' Those things are what really are the lessons."

We're wishing Jennifer Lopez & Ben Affleck the best.

It Ends With Us has quickly become the most memorable movie of Blake Lively's career after rumors of drama between her and costar & director Justin Baldonimorphed into a full-on legal battle. And after the feud was uncovered, the internet has spiraled over what Blake Lively's relationships with her other costars are like — and whether what's happening behind the scenes of her movies are going to delay them. Well, A Simple Favor 2 director Paul Feig had the perfect response to rumors that another feud between Blake Lively and Anna Kendrick caused Amazon to shelve the movie.

Here's exactly what A Simple Favor 2 director Paul Feig had to say about Anna Kendrick and Blake Lively's relationship.

Paul Feig offers a very promising update on 'A Simple Favor 2'

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- YouTube

When a viral tweet claimed that Amazon had indefinitely delayed A Simple Favor 2 because of a feud between Blake Lively and Anna Kendrick, director Paul Feig stepped in to clear up the rumors.

"Despite glowing test screenings, Blake Lively’s refusal to promote—amid her messy legal battle with Justin Baldoni—and growing tensions with Anna Kendrick have derailed the sequel," X user Eric B tweeted on January 10. "Anna is furious. Paul Feig is disappointed. Hollywood is in shock. This isn’t just a movie—it’s an implosion."

"This is total BS. Sorry," Feig said in his retweet that same day. "The movie is finished and coming out soon. Don’t believe anything you read on social media these days."

And Anna Kendrick says reuniting with Blake Lively was "lovely."

Anna Kendrick also spilled on reuniting with Blake Lively, claiming that working together felt "a little bit like riding a bike."

"She lives on the East Coast, I live on the West Coast, so we don't get to see each other often," she told PEOPLE. "But it was lovely, and I think that those characters have such weird chemistry that it's so fun to just get the gang back together."

We don't know many details about the plot just yet but we do know it involves a destination wedding — and Blake Lively's Emily in a very fancy wedding dress. Stephanie and Emily "head to the beautiful island of Capri, Italy, for Emily’s extravagant wedding to a rich Italian businessman," according to the movie's synopsis (via People). "Along with the glamorous guests, expect murder and betrayal to RSVP for a wedding with more twists and turns than the road from the Marina Grande to the Capri town square."

Sign me up!

Check out The Best Blake Lively Movies to get ready for A Simple Favor 2.

Are you anxiously waiting for new TV shows to debut this year? Me too, particularly Meghan Markle's series With Love, Megan (January 15). But, we at Brit + Co have the perfect buffer that'll hold you over — revisiting the '90s.

Instead of trying to cram the likes of Dawson's Creek or Sex and the City into one weekend, we have the best show you should watch based on your zodiac! We've already made cozy plans to curl up with a cute blanket from T.J. Maxx so we can watch endless reruns of the shows associated with our signs, and we hope you join us!

Scroll to find the '90s show that perfectly matches your zodiac sign!

Brit + Co

Aries (March 21 - April 19): Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Bold, fearless, and always ready for a fight, Aries will love Buffy's courageous spirit and kick-ass attitude. She's got all the makings of a fire sign who means business.

Brit + Co

Taurus (April 20 - May 20): Friends

Taureans appreciate stability and comfort. Friends offers warm, familiar characters and a cozy, sitcom vibe. If you really want to tap into this vibe, call your besties and have an impromptu watch party!

Brit + Co

Gemini (May 21 - June 20): Felicity

Curious and ever-changing, Geminis will relate to Felicity's journey of self-discovery and her endless quest for knowledge. There's also the inevitable complicated relationship Felicity has with Ben and Noel that's hard to resist.

Brit + Co

Cancer (June 21 - July 22): Moesha

Cancerians are nurturing and empathetic. They'll connect with Moesha's family-oriented values and emotional depth. Though she didn't get everything right, Moesha always tried to remedy things whenever they went wrong — just like a true Cancer.

Brit + Co

Leo (July 23 - August 22): Beverly Hills, 90210

Leos love the spotlight and drama. 90210 delivers glamorous characters, high-stakes situations, and plenty of over-the-top moments.

Brit + Co

Virgo (August 23 - September 22): The X-Files

Virgos are analytical and detail-oriented. The X-Files offers a perfect blend of mystery, science, and a touch of the paranormal. What's not to love?

Brit + Co

Libra (September 23 - October 22): Sex and the City

Libras appreciate beauty, balance, and social connections. Sex and the City explores love, friendship, and fashion in a stylish and sophisticated way.

P.S. We won't be shocked if some of you discover you're more of a 'Charlotte' than a 'Carrie.'

Brit + Co

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21): Charmed

Intense and passionate, Scorpios will be drawn to the supernatural world of the Charmed Ones, filled with dark magic and powerful sisterhood.

Brit + Co

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

Adventurous and optimistic, Sagittarians will enjoy the Fresh Prince's witty humor, vibrant personality, and knack for getting into trouble.

Brit + Co

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19): Dawson’s Creek

Ambitious and disciplined, Capricorns will appreciate Dawson's intellectual pursuits and the show's exploration of complex relationships and coming-of-age themes.

Brit + Co

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18): Daria

Quirky and independent, Aquarians will identify with Daria's unique perspective and her ability to see through societal norms. It's also not surprising that Daria has what some call a 'black cat' personality because Aquarians can have a dry sense of humor that's borderline sarcastic.

Brit + Co

Pisces (February 19 - March 20): Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

Dreamy and imaginative, Pisces will love Sabrina's magical adventures and her ability to navigate the challenges of adolescence with a touch of magic.

Revisit your weekly horoscope to see if our predictions for your zodiac came true this week!