We've all heard of "roommate syndrome." The buzzword refers to when once-infatuated partners start living together, fall into a familiar rhythm, and begin to act more like platonic roommates than two people in a romantic relationship. But whether you actually live with your significant other or not, this phenomenon can still unfold. For some, busy schedules and demanding jobs threaten to come between their partnership; for others, personal stresses, mounting pet peeves, or differing goals can start to dismantle the unconditional love and connection you once felt.
Regardless of the cause (and despite what certain people may tell you), it's natural to drift apart from your significant other sometimes. Life isn't linear, and neither are our relationships. With that being said, once you recognize the signs, you can always work to undo the damage and reconnect with your partner, too. So, here are some of the telltale indicators that you're growing apart.
Scroll to find out the subtle signs you're growing apart from your partner!
1. Physical Affection Is Nonexistent
Practically everyone can think back to a time when they were in a brand-new relationship, and the "honeymoon phase" seemed to be filled with never-ending hand-holding and kissing. Those of us in long-term relationships know that this behavior tends to fade over time.
However, there should still be a balance, and no physical affection at all could signal something is wrong beneath the surface. Before jumping to a conclusion, talk to your partner and determine if something exterior is making them not want to be affectionate. Or, if you've noticed a consistent pattern, have an honest conversation to express your needs.
2. Communication Is Limited
Aside from remaining physically connected, talking to one another is how relationships survive. Without this glue, it's easy for partnerships to fall apart.
We'd like to call attention to a common misconception, though. More specifically, the quantity of conversation is not as important as the quality. For instance, if your partner suddenly isn't texting back immediately or engaging in super long conversations over dinner, it's not an immediate cause for concern.
Again, it's natural for previously endless conversations to shorten as relationships become more long-term. Rather, quality is what you should assess. If you feel as though your talks with your partner have become surface-level or like you can't truly express your feelings anymore, that's an indicator you may be drifting.
3. You're Stuck In The Blame Game
It's completely normal to have disagreements with your partner or just get frustrated by some of their usual habits. However, when you try to communicate your feelings, do either of you ever jump to criticize or throw blame?
When someone is tired or under stress, an occasional outburst like that may be understandable. But repeatedly criticizing or blaming your partner for issues that you should be tackling together is a recipe for disaster.
Not only will the person being criticized or blamed get their feelings hurt, but it will also reduce trust and lead to perceived disrespect. All of this can make you and your partner feel as if you're growing apart.
4. You No Longer Talk About Future Plans
When you enter a relationship, decision-making becomes a two-person endeavor. It can also be really motivating and thrilling to discuss future plans together, whether that be moving to a new city, starting a business, or growing a family.
Yet, if these conversations randomly come to a halt or seem more like fantasies than realistic, that's a red flag. It can suggest that either you or your partner don't feel like you're on the same page or there's no longer excitement about your future life together.
5. Conflict Avoidance
Relationships take serious work, and problems can't be fixed without effort from both parties. That's mainly why communication is so critical; it keeps things from feeling one-sided and facilitates conflict resolution.
So, if you or your partner actively tries to avoid discussing things that need to be addressed, it could mean you're drifting. Either you are afraid to open up a can of worms, perhaps because you've been blamed or criticized in the past, or you just don't feel like dealing with the problem is worth it.
6. Less Appearance Effort
After being in a relationship for a while, people tend to get comfortable. And that's actually a good thing. It signals that you feel safe, secure, and accepted for who you really are.
Still, there is a line that distinguishes natural comfort from complacency. If you or your partner don't try to look nice on special occasions anymore, it could suggest that you're taking each other for granted.
Of course, lounging around in athleisure wear at home or wearing no makeup is totally natural and acceptable. But if outfits and hygiene for date nights, anniversaries, birthdays, or other outings are becoming increasingly disheveled, it's a red flag.
7. You No Longer Participate In Shared Interests
One of the best parts about having a significant other is discovering what interests you both share and participating in them together. Active couples might enjoy hiking, playing pickleball, or golfing, while more creative types may love concerts, visiting museums, and traveling.
Not only are these activities more fun when done with someone you love, but they also allow you to create new memories and spend quality time together. So, if you and your partner previously loved trying new things together, but the frequency has fallen off, it could mean something is wrong.
Your relationship suddenly lacks the closeness you both once felt through your hobbies, and the reduced connection can make you feel separated from your partner.
8. Even When You're Together, You Feel Alone
Finally, those who remain in love for decades generally share similar views of their significant others: their partners are their best friends.
But if you find yourself feeling alone while sitting next to your partner on the couch at the end of each night, that's a problem. Yes, friends and other relatives are important for maintaining separate platonic relationships and your own sense of identity, yet you shouldn't feel like you have to seek out companionship entirely from other people.
Even couples with completely different backgrounds, jobs, and interests can still manage to operate as a caring and united entity. So, unfortunately, feeling alone while spending time with your partner may be a sign that you've lost a sense of connection and have drifted apart.
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