10 Signs You’re More Stressed Than You Think

Alli Hoff Kosik
May 06, 2021
signs you're too stressed

Stress. Unfortunately, we've all got it, and perhaps even moreunfortunately, many of us have learned to live with it all too comfortably. We've developed our own coping mechanisms — exercise, long talks with friends, fresh air, therapy — that keep us at a baseline chill level, but that doesn't mean that we don't experience spikes now and then… or that we have it all figured out.

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It's Stress Awareness Month, which means there's never been a better time to tune in to your mental health and consider the fact that you could be managing your stress levels better or differently. Not sure where to start? We spoke with 10 mental health and wellness experts and got their advice on the red flags that can signal that it's time to reconsider how you cope with that stress. Keep scrolling for their advice. If you relate, don't be afraid to reach out to a third party for additional guidance.

1. You're saying “yes" or “no" all the time. Often, when we're overwhelmed by stress, we lose whatever sense of personal boundaries we normally have under better circumstances. Power coach Nikki Bruno explains that an automatic “yes" to invitations, an automatic “no" to offers of help, or any other similar default response can be an indication of a lack of control. When you feel yourself losing control over your time or your life, it may be time to reconsider how you're taking care of your mental health.

2. You're battling new issues with your skin. Stress often rears its ugly head hormonally, so if you're suddenly experiencing terrible breakouts, it's likely a stress response. “Your skin is shouting at you that you need to take notice of your stress levels," dermatologist and wellness expert Dr. Keira Barr tells us. “What we think, feel, and see can play a significant role in what shows up on our skin and how we show up in it."

3. You're stressed in circumstances that would typically make you happy. Usually, you'd be totally excited to celebrate your BFF's engagement or to go on your family's annual beach vacation, but for some reason, these events are making you nothing but anxious and miserable. Stress is likely to blame! Licensed psychotherapist Gennifer Morley tells us that these feelings are a sign that your high stress has gone on for too long and has created an even more complex anxiety reaction, which can more easily color life experiences than stress. Stop allowing stress to ruin those experiences, and think about other ways to deal with it.

4. You have less tolerance for other people than usual. Even when we're cool as cucumbers, we all can only tolerate so much frustration, annoyance, or bad behavior from the people around us. This threshold will be that much lower when your stress levels are high. A low tolerance, per licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Dani Moye, will influence the way that you respond to others and make you feel more irritable. Sound familiar? Check your stress.

5. You're restless. “If you can't sit still for more than a few moments, you may have overstimulated your sympathetic nervous system and your adrenals could be working overtime," licensed marriage and family therapist Connie L. Habash says. “This could potentially set you up for burnout, exhaustion, fatigue, and hinder the immune system, making you more susceptible to illness." TL;DR: An increased sense of restlessness is worth paying attention to, because if you can deal with your stress before it gets worse, you'll avoid larger health issues down the road.

6. You're feeling extra controlling. Whether you realize it or not, a fresh wave of intense perfectionism may be your brain's involuntary method of coping with high stress or anxiety. Licensed psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson advises that you tune into this need for control. Do you need all the details on what everyone in your group is wearing to a birthday party? Have you queried everyone in the office to see what they know about the meeting that your boss has added to the calendar out of nowhere? These tendencies aren't necessarily a symptom of wanting to have it all together. They may be a signal of your intense stress.

7. You're holding your breath. “Are you breathing right now?" intuitive coach Candice Thomas asks. " If you find that you are holding your breath throughout the day, it's usually because stress has caused your muscles to tense and stopped your natural breathing cycle. Checking on your breath is a great way for people to gauge how often they are going into stress mode every day." If you find yourself doing that often, it sounds like the stress has gotten out of control.

8. You're grinding or clenching your teeth. According to Approach Therapy clinical psychologist Melanie Chinchilla, bruxism — the fancy term for grinding or clenching your teeth — is a sign of heightened stress or anxiety. If this is something that you don't typically do but you find yourself doing more recently, it may be a signal that your stress has reached new heights. Waking up with headaches? This could mean that you're grinding your teeth while you sleep, which is another red flag.

9. You're indulging in emotional eating. There's nothing wrong with treating yourself to some ice cream after a bad day or baking cookies to combat post-breakup bad vibes, but if you find yourself regularly overeating to mask your feelings, you need to take a look at your coping mechanisms. Registered dietitian and nutritionist Samantha Harmon confirms that many of us are guilty of using emotional eating for comfort when there are larger issues to be addressed.

10. You can't focus. “Although stress and anxiety often make us believe we have many tasks that require our attention, the worry itself impacts our executive functioning skills, making it more difficult for us to stay focused and complete the tasks we are worrying about," psychotherapist Kristina Ferrari says. “When this occurs, it intensifies our anxiety since we aren't able to check anything off the list. If worries keep piling up, it's a good indicator you need to look at ways to mitigate the stressors in your life." Vicious cycle, anyone? Don't be so quick to write off your inability to focus as basic boredom or procrastination.

Check out our Stress Management podcast episode with Dr. Aditi for more ideas on how to handle your stress.

(Photo via Anthony Tran/Unsplash)

This post has been updated.

6 Subtle (& Obvious) Signs You Grew Up In A "Dysfunctional Family"

Everyone deals with family issues, but some people had more dysfunctional childhoods than others. Are there ways to tell? According to family psychologist Caitlin Slavens of Mamapsychologistsand therapist Rachel D. Miller, Ph.D., LMFT of Hold The Vision Therapy, yes!

Slavens says, "As a family psychologist, I’ve seen how growing up in a dysfunctional family leaves its mark. Sometimes the signs are glaring, like obvious chaos or neglect." However, she said the signs can also be "more subtle" being that they're "things you don’t even realize were 'off' until you’re older." You may even "start noticing patterns in yourself or your relationships" if you've become retrospective, according to her.

Here are all the subtle signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Emma Bauso

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

August de Richelieu

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

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If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

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I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Ketut Subiyanto

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

Ksenia Chernaya

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

Ron Lach

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

  1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
  2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
  3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

  1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
  2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
  3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Antoni Shkraba

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Anastasia Shuraeva

Slavens' tips include the following:

  1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
  2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
  3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
  4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
  5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

Slavens' final thoughts? "It’s not about blaming your family but recognizing how your experiences shaped you — and giving yourself permission to do things differently. You’re allowed to rewrite the script."

Visit the top signs to recognize if you have toxic friends on Brit + Co!

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Paris Geller Is Actually The Best Gilmore Girl Of Them All

Ahhh…Paris Geller. Where does one even begin with the best Gilmore Girl whose name isn't actually Gilmore? The woman we all came to know and love. The purveyor of backhanded compliments, deadpan humor, the quickest wit one can imagine and an absolutely ungodly work ethic. The sole character of the series who I would 100% watch a spin-off of, and love every minute. Sure — she once said that everyone around her needed to be sterilized immediately. And that Rory’s boyfriend offers “nothing to women or the world in general.” And that she can “scare the stupid out of you. But the lazy runs deep.”

She may, in fact, be the only character whose absurdity warrants such unhinged comments, and I am so here for it. You may be reading this because you too believe that Paris Geller deserves way more praise than she receives. Or you hate her. Or perhaps you don’t even know who she is. Regardless, allow me to delight you with the many — shall I say — unique musings of my favorite Gilmore Girls character, and explain exactly why Paris was not only what the cult-classic show needed, but the feminist icon TV needed, too.

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So let’s start from the beginning. Paris Geller (played by Liza Weil) joined the GG crew in Season 1, right as Rory Gilmore (the show’s sort-of protagonist) walked into Chilton Academy, a private school where Paris was attending, for her first day. A far cry from Rory’s relatively timid and soft-spoken personality, Paris tore up the screen with her high-strung personality and immediate rivalry with Rory (Rory did not feel the same), who Paris viewed as the only candidate who could possibly challenge her spot at the top of the class standing. As the year progresses, the two become friends, which of course Paris still highly questioned.

The rest of their high school experience is plagued with repeated ups and downs, from Paris’s parents’ highly publicized divorce to their joint student government campaign and, most notably, Paris’s C-SPAN meltdown, courtesy of a Harvard rejection fueled by what she can only assume to be wide-spread knowledge that she lost her virginity. Despite losing the Valedictorian slot to Rory (which Paris comes to terms with after finding out Salutatorians tend to be more successful), Paris walks across the graduation stage and accepts her diploma from the school’s headmaster, to which she iconically quips, “no hard feelings.”

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Fast forward to Paris’s first year at Yale, a school she knew Rory was attending but had no intention of ever seeing again. Not to the surprise of Paris’s life coach, the two frenemies were placed together as suitemates, a pairing that ultimately served as a catalyst for lifelong friendship. Throughout college, Paris pursues pre-med and pre-law degrees, joins the Yale Daily News alongside Rory, dates an elderly professor (he passes away, leaving Paris to grieve), moves on with the editor of the Yale Daily News, Doyle McMaster, and potentially saves Rory from abandoning Yale forever by admitting to Lorelai that Rory is the only person who ever listened to her, challenged her and motivated her.

Paris then proceeds to become the editor of the Yale Daily News, a position in which her power-hungry tendencies took full-force, resulting in a forcible resignation, kick Rory out of their shared apartment, let Rory move back into their shared apartment (now with Doyle), be accepted to a slew of prestigious medical and law schools. She ultimately chose to attend med school and break up with Doyle, to which he refused, and tells Rory that they’re on their own but she can still do great things (Of course this doesn’t last, the two are meant to be best friends.)

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Somehow this doesn't even scratch the surface of the character of Paris. As you can tell, Paris is a fiercely loyal, protective woman who fights for herself to no end. She (literally) doesn’t care what other people think (so long as they’re not within her immediate circle) and never stops pursuing her dreams, no matter how many times she probably should have. She is the epitome of feminism in modern television — perhaps taken to an extreme — and serves as a necessary counterweight to Rory’s floundering sense of self.

So long as she keeps her need for perfectionism in check, Paris has one of those few personality types whose wild ambition and outspokenness is directly beneficial to her success, a success that she, and only she, can define. Sure, she has an exaggerated sense of self-importance, but when balanced by Rory’s soft-but-straightforward approach, Paris can quickly reset, reevaluate and move forward.

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That's the thing with Paris — she’s always moving forward. She doesn't get into Harvard? Tough. She takes a few days to wallow before considering her other options: Yale, Columbia and Princeton. She doesn’t know whether to choose med school or law school, so she takes stock of her bearings, reflects on her past dreams, and makes a clear, concise decision that she moves forward with.

Her brutally honest nature (both internally and externally) is exactly why Paris works. She’s generous when needed, comfortable with giving tough (and oftentimes tougher) love, is able to express vulnerability with the people she loves, doesn’t allow outside influences to affect her path and never let’s someone (especially a man) tell her she’s less than (*cough, cough*—Rory). For an early 2000s show, she showed women that there is power in education. There’s power in stepping away from a caretaker role. There’s power in expressing your opinion, no matter your age.

Image via WB

There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s inspired countless women over the years — after all, she’s inspired me! Even though she’s had her controversial moments, she’s always been a cheering voice for women, even if it’s behind her resting grimace. For these reasons, and so many more, I am hereby deeming Paris Geller the best of Gilmore Girls — the heroine, perhaps, and a feminist icon to all.

What's your take on Paris Geller? Let us know in the comments, and sign up for our email newsletter for more pop culture musings!

Header image via Netflix, Warner Bros

This post has been updated.

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7 Cute Christmas Nail Designs That'll Put Your Beauty Look In The Spirit

Sprinkle the magic of Christmas into every seasonal activity by creating some festive Christmas nail designs! Whether you like to lean towards the traditional reds and greens or prefer to think colorfully outside the box, the polishes and Christmas nail designs below will set your mood and nail look right. Winter nails don't have to be drab – from star-studded nail art to bejeweled nail beds, we've got just the inspo for you.

Christmas Nail Colors

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essie 'Off Tropic'

You can't get your dream Christmas nail designs done without some stellar nail polishes! If your look involves a deep green, this shiny pick will help you pull it off easily. Use it to coat the entire nail for a sultry seasonal mani.

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OPI Opaque Light White & Gray Shimmer Nail Polish

With Christmas comes cold, and this nail polish screams icy. Wear it alone or apply it over a traditional Christmas color like red or green!

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OPI Infinite Shine 'Bubble Bath'

This baby pink will look gorgeous as a solid coat for Christmas-y dates and dinner parties.

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ILNP 'Ruby'

It's red. It's glittery. It's perfect for the holidays!

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Essie 'Winter Trend'

Spending Christmas with your besties or roommates? It's time for you to have your first 'Pinkmas' with the sparkly magenta nails to match!

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Sally Hansen Insta-Dri 'White on Time'

A super solid white nail polish, alongside a thin nail art brush, can be used to paint snowmen, gift wrap, or snowflakes like some of our featured Christmas nail designs depict.

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RARJSM Holographic Gel Polish

For the lazy gal manicurists, this holographic polish will make any light reflect off your nails which is the point during Christmas!

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essie 'U Wish'

Embrace the holidays with this fiery red that defies expectations of what a Christmas color should be.

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Butter London Patent Shine Nail Polish

This one color will work excellently for minimalist Christmas nail designs – use it to dot, stripe, or wear it on its own.

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Revlon 'Iced Mauve'

Sparkles are a must for Christmas, which is why we're heavily eyeing this potent pink.

Christmas Nails Inspo

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Nifty-Gifty Gems

Use small nail gems of any color to infuse your Christmas nail designs with festive energy. We're loving red in particular because it just feels luxurious!

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Deep Red Elegance

The bold red French tips, in combination with some art deco-inspired golden stars, can really bring your seasonal mani to the next level.

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Colorful Christmas Stars

Use a stencil or freehand these tiny stars in different chrome nail colors for a more jolly vibe this year.

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(Gift) Wrap It Up

A nail art brush can be used to paint on cutie little Christmas bows like this silvery one!

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Oliwia Krauz/Instagram

Classic Colors

Multicolor nails are not dead – take the trend further for the holidays by crafting your look with a mix of whites, golds, greens, and reds.

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Let It Shine

For an understated (yet still spirited) Christmas manicure, glitter will be your go-to. We love the gradient effect that this hand has on!

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Merry & Bright

Tiny star details are sure to turn heads this Christmas! You could use any hue, but a standout gold like this one really makes your nails pop!

Check out our weekly newsletter for more seasonal inspiration!

Brit + Co. may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

This post has been updated

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Lane Kim's Treatment On "Gilmore Girls" Is The Ultimate TV Tragedy

Gilmore Girlstakes up more of my brain space than I'd care to admit. The show is undeniably great. I mean, there's a reason it's become an absolute cultural phenomenon! The banter is witty and memorable, the Stars Hollow, Connecticut setting is warm and friendly, and the character dynamics feel natural and comforting. All of these elements combined create the perfect comfort show thatI personally rewatch again and again. However, despite having an overall positive opinion of the show, there is one bone I have to pick with it. This grievance makes my blood boil and keeps me tossing and turning at night.

While I can't pose my all-too-important question to the creators of the show, I will ask it to you, reader: Why in the world was Lane Kim's storyline such a travesty? Considering the show is not shy about uplifting and celebrating Rory (despite her many mistakes) it feels especially unfair how short of a stick Lane (played by Keiko Agena) truly got. Here are my unfiltered thoughts on the subject.

Lane deserved better after a life of seeking independence

Photo via WBLane Kim's Treatment On "Gilmore Girls" Is The Ultimate TV Tragedy

Throughout Lane's formative teenage years, she was forced to hide her true identity and interests in order to appease her mother. From hiding CDs in her floorboards and changing her clothes when she got to school, Lane was under a lot of pressure to keep her mom happy, while still trying to figure out who she was. Her mother even kicked her out after finding out about her "secret life," causing Lane to have to move into Rory's dorm. Rory, on the other hand, had a mother who supported her every dream and who she could be fully herself with.

I'm not sure why only one of these two besties got to live out their dreams, but if it did have to play out this way, it should have been Lane Kim. Given how difficult her upbringing was, couldn't the show have given her a win by having *her* be the one who gets to follow her dreams?

Lane's love life is lackluster

Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix

Once again, the show propped up Rory and gave her not one, not two, but three love interests. Whether or not you love all three of them, we can all admit that each boyfriend was compatible with Rory in their own way, and helped her learn and grow. Lane, however, did not get this. Her first boyfriend, Dave, is great. He's kind and sweet and understanding of her family situation, but the show breaks them up because they can't handle being long-distance. (Technically, we know actor Adam Brody had to leave for The O.C. but where is the justice??!)

After Dave, it all goes downhill from there for poor Lane. She ends up with Zack, who isn't bad but isn't great. And, as soon as Lane is finally getting to pursue her passion by going on tour with her band, she finds out she and Zack are pregnant. Considering how long Lane dreamed of getting to be her authentic herself and openly express her interests, it feels cruel that this twist of fate took it away from her at this exact moment.

Lane made the best of her situation

Image via Neil Jacobs/Netflix

Despite Rory having almost every opportunity available to her, we find out in Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life that she is making bad decisions (like, er, sleeping with an engaged man) and is struggling to find her way. Lane, on the other hand, has made the best out of the cards she's been dealt. She's still married to Zack, is taking care of her twins, and has even kept music in her life by joining a band. I can't help but think if Lane can forge ahead despite all of her unfortunate circumstances, how fantastic could her life have been if the writers had served her just a little bit more good fortune?

Lane could have served as the role model so many girls needed

Image via Saeed Adyani/Netflix

Lane's experience mirrors many Asian-American girls' lives. She had a strict upbringing and struggled to strike a balance between fitting in with her American peers and forming her own identity, while still trying to manage her mother's expectations of who she should be. As an Asian-American, Lane's experiences mirrored many of my own, and, at a time when there was such little Asian representation, this was extremely impactful.

With the lack of representation at the time, it was even more important that Lane was dealt an ending that she and her viewers could be proud of. Instead of turning her into somewhat of a cautionary tale, her story could have been utilized to empower an audience of individuals who saw themselves in her. For that reason, Lane's treatment on Gilmore Girls will never quite sit right with me.

What do you think about Lane Kim's storyline on Gilmore Girls? Let us know in the comments and check out our guide to Where Is The Gilmore Girls Cast Now? to keep up with your favorite Stars Hollow residents (even if they're not in Stars Hollow anymore).

Lead image via Warner Bros

This post has been updated.

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6 Reasons 'Nobody Wants This' Wasn't Actually That Good

Okay let's just address the elephant in the room: no, I didn't love Nobody Wants This, despite the fact I'm a massive rom-com fan. (Don't worry, I absolutely still jumped on the Adam Brody Hot Rabbi train). After its premiere on September 26, 2024, the show racked up 10.3 million views in its first week, and quickly got renewed for season 2. But despite the insane popularity, I really didn't like it as much as I thought I would.

That's not to say I hated the show. There were definitely moments that gave me butterflies (hello INSANE first kiss!), and I enjoyed moments with Joanne and Morgan almost more than the rest of the series because they reminded me how much chaos my sister and I get into. Plus, as a victim of the abysmal online dating scene, I did appreciate the way the show emphasized how much dating can suck right now.

And that's the best thing about art — it's supposed to make you think and analyze and feel. And I definitely came away from Nobody Wants This with some interesting feelings.

Here's my very-subjective take on Nobody Wants This...and why I don't really get the hype.

1. ​I don't really see myself in Joanne.

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As someone who took solace in books and TV shows from an early age (a silver lining to the isolation of homeschooling), I've always felt drawn to characters that simultaneously make me feel seen and inspire me to be a better version of myself. But Kristin Bell's Joanne in Nobody Wants This left me feeling alienated rather than included.

I'm naturally quieter and more timid in large social situations so Joanne's brash, sharper edges caught me a little off guard — and honestly reminded me of past party environments I really didn't enjoy. "In my opinion Joanne is a generic, predictable character of a baddie who hides her insecurities behind the attitude," @niemownikomu says on Reddit.

But even though Joanne and I are so different, I was very touched by the contrast between her larger-than-life personality and her fear that romantic partners would be turned off by her independence. I definitely get that.

2. ​Teasing a romance between Morgan & Sasha is totally inappropriate.

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One detail that honestly pissed me off about Nobody Wants This was the will-they-won't-they between Morgan and Noah's married (!!!) brother Sasha. Romanticizing cheating on your spouse is never hot or spicy to me, and I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief when creator Erin Foster announced season 2 was ditching that would-be relationship.

3. ​It's way too early for Noah to be in a new relationship.

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@the_yv_edit on TikTok made an entire video about Noah's red flags, revolving around the idea that a back & forth and up & down romance might be entertaining, but it'll drain you in the long run. And one opinion that kept coming up in the comments was that Noah shouldn't even be thinking about starting something with Joanne. "Him jumping into the relationship was the first and biggest red flag," one user says.

​4. Noah either doesn't do that much in 'Nobody Wants This'...

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One more thing that @the_yv_editpointed out was that Noah doesn't actually do anything that extraordinary for her. He walks her to her car after the dinner party in the pilot, and they have great communication (thank goodness, I'm all for romanticizing great communication), but that should be the bare minimum people!! Plus did we just gloss over the fact he literally hid her when she came to camp?!

5. Or he goes WAY overboard.

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And when Noah does ditch her at camp, and Joanne leaves for her work dinner, he winds up at the restaurant (sweet)"but then HE SHOULD HAVE LEFT. Not pulled out candles, commandeered a table, and done the Shabbat ritual in front of her CLIENTS," lizzardmuzic says on Reddit. "I was cringing the whole time and thought it would be an issue, but I guess it was supposed to be a huge romantic gesture? I'm pissed. Everyone in this sub thinks Noah is too perfect, but I don't like him much. If anything, I think they wrote Joanne too perfect."

6. The 'Nobody Wants This' ending left me more stressed than hopeful.

Saeed Adyani/Netflix

This is probably my Type-A oldest daughter realism kicking in, but I can't stop thinking about the end of Nobody Wants This. Considering romantic chemistry only lasts a few years, giving up your life-long dreams to see if a relationship works out really stressed me out. "It was very enjoyable. I just think in reality when the heat cools down as it inevitably does in these kind of relationships somewhere in his life he would truly regret his choice!" Reddit user Artistic_Incident569 says.

But that's what Nobody Wants This is all about right? Taking huge risks and turning your life upside down for love. And I'll admit that that in and of itself is pretty romantic.

What did you think about Nobody Wants This? Let us know what you're excited to see in season 2 on Facebook and read up on 5 Shows That Are (Almost) As Good As Nobody Wants This for even more.

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