The Ultimate Guide To Glowy Skin

What is eldest daughter syndrome?

While The New York Timesreports that eldest daughter syndrome "isn’t an actual mental health diagnosis" — AKA it's not an official disorder recognized in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) — the symptoms seem to have a very real effect on the people struggling with it. Paruolo explains, "Often times with my clients, we explore 'eldest daughter experiences' as a way to avoid pathologizing this now normalized response to family roles and expectations. The eldest daughter experiences behavioral patterns and emotional experiences that are unique to their birth order in comparison to other siblings."

What does this all mean in practice? Paruolo says that families tend to place a ton more expectations on firstborn children, from achievements to overall responsibilities. According to Paruolo, this can put pressure on these children to lead and set a good example for younger siblings. Over time, that pressure can grow and evolve, leading an eldest daughter to taking on more and more throughout her life — even outside of the family home she grew up in — and cause further complications in their relationships, workplace, and otherwise.

What are the symptoms of eldest daughter syndrome?

Like I said before, you naturally carry a lot of these experiences from childhood into your adult interactions. And while having leadership proclivities and high standards for yourself isn't inherently a bad thing, all of these pressing expectations can morph into more frustrating symptoms later on in life.

Since this isn't an exact diagnosis or disorder (yet), a lot of these symptoms can come from the practical findings from therapists over time. With Paruolo's clients, she's noticed that eldest daughters "might experience symptoms of perfectionism and unrealistic self-induced demands in both workplaces and relationships." She explains that this can look like a lack of delegation or asking for help. Paroulo also notes that eldest daughters may innately "prioritize others' needs before they acknowledge their own" — and if they choose to pick their own needs first, they may end up feeling guilty in the long run.

Each of these symptoms can pop up in an eldest daughter's day-to-day, but they can also have some unfortunate long term effects if they go unaddressed. "Long term effects might look like consciously or unconsciously being placed in a caregiving role, which can lead to burnout in many relationships," Paruolo says. She explains that this "immense pressure" and the climbing responsibilities can eventually cause chronic stress — and potentially even lead to resentment toward family members.

For a fictional — but still practical! — example, let's think about Daphne Bridgerton. In season 1, we immediately see the extreme weight Daphne bears to find a good, respectable marriage that will make her family proud and cement their societal standing even further. That's a ton of pressure for anyone of any age, let alone a 21-year-old woman. Meanwhile, her older brothers Anthony and Benedict are 29 and 27, respectively — and if you remember, they don't seem to nervous about their own standings on the marriage mart, let alone seem eager to marry yet at all.

But Daphne prevails! She marries The Duke of Hastings, conceives a child, and fulfills her family's dreams against all odds. If you thought that would be enough, and that Daphne officially check off her eldest daughter duty, you'd be wrong! In season 2, when Anthony finally decides to navigate his own marriage prospects, the family calls Daphne in for help to give advice and lead them through their struggles. So even though Daphne's started a family of her own (exactly what they wanted and asked of her!), her job is never done. She councils, aids, and doles out an endless supply of love and care.

What can parents do to prevent eldest daughter syndrome?

Parents have a lot to prioritize as they raise their families, but there are some small (but very powerful!) things they can do to help prevent eldest daughter syndrome from getting out of hand. First and foremost, Paruolo wants parents to know how important it is to be mindful of how they speak to their children, regardless of their birth order. She stresses that a parents' voice "often becomes the child's internal voice (and often the harshest critic)."

Next, Paruolo suggests creating a more open environment for the family to talk about their feelings about the family dynamic. By doing so, it seems like this could mitigate that resentment we've talked about before, where an eldest daughter may take on more and more without asking for help and eventually burning out. Paruolo notes you can have these conversations at family dinners or meetings — this offers a set time and place for each person to air their feelings.

Finally, Paruolo wants parents that they should be "mindful of the caregiving responsibilities they place on the eldest" while also "encouraging age-appropriate forms of independence for the children in the house." All these efforts can help "breed healthier dynamics," and hopefully make an eldest daughter's life a little easier, one step at a time.

How can women heal from their eldest daughter syndrome?

After reading all this, it may seem overwhelming to recognize that you're dealing with eldest daughter syndrome. Luckily, your symptoms and struggles don't have to define you because Paruolo has some key advice for healing. "Women can deal with and heal from their oldest daughter syndrome by acknowledging their real and valid experiences," she says. "We don't tell someone with a broken leg to get over it, so the same nurturing and understanding of how the eldest daughter syndrome has shaped them is essential for their journey."

There are a few ways you can truly validate these eldest daughter experiences — and work to move on from them. Paruolo suggests practicing mindfulness in order to notice what your innate behaviors are. She says, "It can be a simple three second pause with the reflective question, 'Am I placing the oxygen mask on someone else before helping myself in this moment?'" In doing this, you're able to create a space where you allow yourself to choose your own needs first — or at least start acknowledging them more clearly.

One of the biggest — and I'd say hardest — practices that Paruolo suggests? Saying no. She says that acclimating to the discomfort of setting boundaries and saying that two-letter word can really help you form better, healthier habits. I know I could definitely do this more.

Finally, Paruolo wants eldest daughters to work on reframing their self-worth. She says, "Get curious about why it's an honor to be you (because it is!) and try to separate it from the caregiver or problem-solver role you have been continuously placed in."

If there's anything to take away from my conversation and research, I'd let it be this: your experiences as an eldest daughter are valid, and you deserve to prioritize yourself! Whether 'eldest daughter syndrome' is in a diagnostic book or not, it's clear that therapists are taking these instances seriously, honoring their clients needs — so why shouldn't you honor your own?

I don't want to end this article hypocritically. I struggle with my own eldest daughter tendencies daily, but it's helpful to know that there are very real steps I can take to make my life easier, to exhale. And maybe one day, these lived experiences we all share will be codified in the DSM-5, allowing future eldest daughters to have a clearer playbook to live by — because you know we love achievable, clear goals. 😉

First Aid Beauty Radiance Pads

Starting off this list strong with my most-stolen product: the First Aid Beauty Radiance Pads. My husband uses these like they're candy, and at this point, I have to buy 3 boxes because of how quickly we both use them.

Exfoliating pads are a great way to cleanse your skin, especially if you get a lot of buildup from makeup, sweat, or your environment. These are great to use to make sure you've cleaned all of the dirt from the day off before you go to bed. And if you're greedy like my husband, you can also use these day and night for extra glowing skin.

Innisfree Daily Mineral Sunscreen

You can never go wrong with sunscreen, but if you have sensitive skin like me (and my husband), then opt for this option from Innisfree! It's super light, and doesn't have lots of perfumes or random fragrance — super helpful when you're trying not to irritate your skin. It also has hyaluronic acid which is super moisturizing, so it won't leave you with textured or dry skin!

L'Occitane Shea Butter Hand Cream

This hand cream became my addiction over the past couple months — which means it also became my husband's. I even had to buy him his own, because I was so tired of hearing, "Hey, can I use that good-smelling lotion again?"

This hand cream that has the most soothing feel — and smell! — on the skin. Definitely stock up on this for the colder months and you, just like the over 10,000 Amazon reviewers, will love it!

Caudalie Vinopure Clay Mask

Sometimes I like to convince my husband to have a nice, spa night in (I don't have to try very hard, he's clearly easily convinced), and this face mask is the first product I reach for. It seriously cleanses the skin, and practically eliminates visible pores from your skin. It's a very strange, detoxifying mask that I would recommend to anyone — but only to use about once every other week!

Tatcha Deep Cleanser

I just had to re-stock this product because you-know-who has been using it far too much for my liking... And I have to say, I understand why! It's very lightweight, but it really gets into your pores and helps cleanse them thoroughly. Plus, a little really does go a long way — so even if you're sharing it with your own partner, it will last!

It Cosmetics Confidence In An Eye Cream

This eye cream eliminates any trace of bags under your eyes...like it really makes them non-existent! So much so, that my husband noticed my bags were gone, and so naturally he's started using it too. It's honestly life-changing, and I'll always buy refills of this baby no matter how much we use it!

First Aid Beauty KP Bump Eraser

This has to be one of my most practical products that I didn't know I needed — or rather, we needed. If you get bumps on your skin from the sun, KP, rashes, or eczema, this product eliminates it all. It has 10% AHA which is extremely exfoliating, and basically works like magic on the skin. Such a good product!

Caudalie Beauty Elixir Face Mist

My husband would be furious if I shared this with you, but he's a face mist girly like me, through and through. As much as most men may not want to admit it, they like being pampered — and this mist truly makes you feel like you're at a spa! It's that good! I use this in the morning, because it just wakes me up with the most refreshing peppermint-like feeling. I adore this spray so much! And so does my husband...unfortunately for my bank account.

But even Larson has days she feels off, saying she knows that feeling "very well," and whether it's seasonal blues or mental health days, she knows routine is where she thrives — and seasonal affective disorder lamps. "Light is a big game changer for me because I grew up in California," she says.

To engage her other senses, she relies on movement, breathing techniques, and temperature changes to keep in touch with her body. "A hot bath, a cold shower, both — anything that sort of wakes your brain up and kind of jolts it," she says. "I have a pretty demanding schedule and I truly don't have room to not feel like I'm present in my life. And so you come up with ways to figure out how to do that."

That includes everything from drinking plenty of water and prioritizing sleep to packing foam rollers and bands in her carry on. "It looks like a clown bag!" she says. "I always do [those exercises] every morning because even if I don't want to do it, which I always don't want to do it, I feel a lot better after I do it."

Admittedly, that's exactly how I feel some days about making breakfast — but a powerhouse like Larson knows how important fueling our bodies is. "Pretty consistently I'm having an egg, like a breakfast sandwich, egg on toast first thing in the morning," she says. "I can't think beyond that for breakfast because I wake up so early. It's like there's no creativity happening in the morning. I'm sorry. No."

And while her mornings are all about wellness, her evenings are all about getting cozy, and she tells me her dream night in includes playing a new video game, wearing Gelato Pique sweatpants, and ordering Thai food. But when she's in the kitchen? "I've been making pasta and sausage quite a bit and I make tacos quite a bit. I mean, I kind of just do like protein and veggies and a little bit of a carb," she says.

Cozy nights in wouldn't be the same without a movie, and there's a very good chance you've seen Larson on your screen recently, whether you're rewatching Captain Marvel, 13 Going on 30, or Lessons in Chemistry. But how does the actress consistently choose such beautiful, inspiring pieces to work on? She equates the feeling to having a crush.

"When I feel like [a story] hits something that lives so truthfully in me that I just want to know if it's true to other people," she says. "I just know that we all have more that's the same than different...Film and television, it lives in a way that is beyond me physically. So I'm here talking to you, but anybody can be watching whatever they want. And so I try my best to think through what the pieces are saying so that they go out in the world and I don't get to be at the end of it and explain it or tell people what to feel or what to take from it. It lives a life outside of me. So I try and make sure that it has a complete message in it that I feel like I'll be able to live with for the rest of my life."

Just like Carol Danvers and Elizabeth Zott empower so many viewers, Brie Larson says she feels empowered by her own Hollywood heroes. "Earlier in my career, like when I was trying to visualize what kind of career I wanted, it was Toni Colette and she's still a hero of mine, but she was truly the one that I was like, 'I want to disappear into characters the way she does.'"

"There's so many incredible [actors]," she continues. "Some of them are people that are more my age and some are older than me. But that's the fun part of my job is that there's so many good people and so many things that are getting made. And so it just feels like we're constantly kind of maneuvering, and when they take on certain roles and represent certain things, it frees up for other people to do other things. And so we kind of all work as a unit."

One movie on the horizon that I'm excited for is Mattel's new American Girl movie. Like many 80s and 90s kids, Brie Larson loved American Girl dolls — and borrowed her stage name from pioneer Kirsten Larson! And just like the rest of us AG kids, she tells me she can't wait for the movie. "I've also seen that there's going to be adult Halloween costumes, which I'm also very excited about," she says. Will she be grabbing a Kirsten one for herself? "I just might!"

Q+A With Brie Larson

What's the first thing you did after you won your Oscar?

I probably drank champagne...I drank champagne and I put sneakers on, and then I went to the airport.

What's the best piece of advice you've received?

"When I think I know, I miss so much." We all get stuck in these things — I think an easy one to think about is like, you're in a fight with your sibling or your partner, and you are just so right in how angry you are. And then maybe the next day you wake up and you're like, "Maybe there was another side to that." And so we miss things when we're in a space where we believe that we know. Having an openness to what something can be or that things can be different than what you think makes things easier.

What's on your holiday bucket list?

I love the holidays. Because I'm in California, I really am looking forward to this year having a chilly winter. I love a cold winter, cozy winter. I love Christmas markets, so I'll definitely hit things like that. All the little holiday markets pop up around, yeah, it's just like a rare time when everybody is resting at the same time.

What are you watching, reading and listening to right now?

Okay. I am reading a book called Patricia Wants To Cuddle. I am watching Love is Blind season 7 because I am not silly. And listening to Chappell Roan, obviously.