The Best & Worst Parts Of Sober October, From Someone Who Did It For The First Time

But even Larson has days she feels off, saying she knows that feeling "very well," and whether it's seasonal blues or mental health days, she knows routine is where she thrives — and seasonal affective disorder lamps. "Light is a big game changer for me because I grew up in California," she says.

To engage her other senses, she relies on movement, breathing techniques, and temperature changes to keep in touch with her body. "A hot bath, a cold shower, both — anything that sort of wakes your brain up and kind of jolts it," she says. "I have a pretty demanding schedule and I truly don't have room to not feel like I'm present in my life. And so you come up with ways to figure out how to do that."

That includes everything from drinking plenty of water and prioritizing sleep to packing foam rollers and bands in her carry on. "It looks like a clown bag!" she says. "I always do [those exercises] every morning because even if I don't want to do it, which I always don't want to do it, I feel a lot better after I do it."

Admittedly, that's exactly how I feel some days about making breakfast — but a powerhouse like Larson knows how important fueling our bodies is. "Pretty consistently I'm having an egg, like a breakfast sandwich, egg on toast first thing in the morning," she says. "I can't think beyond that for breakfast because I wake up so early. It's like there's no creativity happening in the morning. I'm sorry. No."

And while her mornings are all about wellness, her evenings are all about getting cozy, and she tells me her dream night in includes playing a new video game, wearing Gelato Pique sweatpants, and ordering Thai food. But when she's in the kitchen? "I've been making pasta and sausage quite a bit and I make tacos quite a bit. I mean, I kind of just do like protein and veggies and a little bit of a carb," she says.

Cozy nights in wouldn't be the same without a movie, and there's a very good chance you've seen Larson on your screen recently, whether you're rewatching Captain Marvel, 13 Going on 30, or Lessons in Chemistry. But how does the actress consistently choose such beautiful, inspiring pieces to work on? She equates the feeling to having a crush.

"When I feel like [a story] hits something that lives so truthfully in me that I just want to know if it's true to other people," she says. "I just know that we all have more that's the same than different...Film and television, it lives in a way that is beyond me physically. So I'm here talking to you, but anybody can be watching whatever they want. And so I try my best to think through what the pieces are saying so that they go out in the world and I don't get to be at the end of it and explain it or tell people what to feel or what to take from it. It lives a life outside of me. So I try and make sure that it has a complete message in it that I feel like I'll be able to live with for the rest of my life."

Just like Carol Danvers and Elizabeth Zott empower so many viewers, Brie Larson says she feels empowered by her own Hollywood heroes. "Earlier in my career, like when I was trying to visualize what kind of career I wanted, it was Toni Colette and she's still a hero of mine, but she was truly the one that I was like, 'I want to disappear into characters the way she does.'"

"There's so many incredible [actors]," she continues. "Some of them are people that are more my age and some are older than me. But that's the fun part of my job is that there's so many good people and so many things that are getting made. And so it just feels like we're constantly kind of maneuvering, and when they take on certain roles and represent certain things, it frees up for other people to do other things. And so we kind of all work as a unit."

One movie on the horizon that I'm excited for is Mattel's new American Girl movie. Like many 80s and 90s kids, Brie Larson loved American Girl dolls — and borrowed her stage name from pioneer Kirsten Larson! And just like the rest of us AG kids, she tells me she can't wait for the movie. "I've also seen that there's going to be adult Halloween costumes, which I'm also very excited about," she says. Will she be grabbing a Kirsten one for herself? "I just might!"

Q+A With Brie Larson

What's the first thing you did after you won your Oscar?

I probably drank champagne...I drank champagne and I put sneakers on, and then I went to the airport.

What's the best piece of advice you've received?

"When I think I know, I miss so much." We all get stuck in these things — I think an easy one to think about is like, you're in a fight with your sibling or your partner, and you are just so right in how angry you are. And then maybe the next day you wake up and you're like, "Maybe there was another side to that." And so we miss things when we're in a space where we believe that we know. Having an openness to what something can be or that things can be different than what you think makes things easier.

What's on your holiday bucket list?

I love the holidays. Because I'm in California, I really am looking forward to this year having a chilly winter. I love a cold winter, cozy winter. I love Christmas markets, so I'll definitely hit things like that. All the little holiday markets pop up around, yeah, it's just like a rare time when everybody is resting at the same time.

What are you watching, reading and listening to right now?

Okay. I am reading a book called Patricia Wants To Cuddle. I am watching Love is Blind season 7 because I am not silly. And listening to Chappell Roan, obviously.

What is sleepmaxxing?

If you're confused about sleepmaxxing, you're not alone — it's really not a straightforward term. It reminds us of what Will Ferrell said in Blades of Glory: "No one knows what it means but it's provocative...gets the people going." However, it actually has a meaning, and Dr. Bindal succinctly breaks it down. "Sleepmaxxing is the art and science of optimizing one's sleep and achieving the best possible quality & quantity of sleep by addressing every factor that can disrupt sleep," he says. This can look like using ear plugs, sleep masks, establishing specific sleep rituals, or anything else that is soothing and helpful.

Mainly, if you actually want to maximize your sleep, then you need to focus on what you do before you go to bed. Unbeknownst to us at times, our bedtime habits can affect the kind of rest we get (or not) at night. Dr. Bindal says, "Optimal Sleep hygiene methodologies including limiting light and sound exposure to using the latest sleep gadgets so sleepmaxxing aims to enhance sleep quality to the fullest." Unfortunately this means our habit of binge watching shows or scrolling mindlessly on TikTok at night aren't helping us.

I mean, according to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 35% of those surveyed have their sleep interrupted by lights inside of their homes. That's just lights, sans repetitious social media sounds and compelling television plots. When you add those on top of it all...let's just say we really are not doing ourselves any favors.

How does getting the proper amount of rest aid in our overall wellbeing?

Now that you have a better idea of what sleepmaxxing is, we have to talk about why it matters. Dr. Bindal says getting the "proper amount of sleep" helps support" the following "various bodily functions" including, but not limited to:

• Brain health — Enhanced cognition in domains of learning, concentration and consolidating memory by promoting phenomenon of hippocampal plasticity
• Immune system function — A production of essential immune cells, better equipped to fighting off infections
• Hormone regulation — A regulation of mood and reduced stress and physical repair that promotes muscle recovery, tissue repair, and overall physical development

He further explains that hormone regulation eventually leads to "improved mood, concentration, energy levels, and reduced risk of chronic diseases like heart disease and diabetes."

Basically, the health benefits of slowing down and going to sleep outweigh what society often pushes — staying up later, longer and hustling at all hours of the day and night.

On average, how many hours of sleep are recommended?

How much rest are you truly getting at night? If you ask America's Health Rankings, 35% of adults are getting less than seven hours of sleep. Dr. Bindal says that while adults should sleep between seven and nine hours every night, and there are health risks for those who don't. "Research corroborates that adults who sleep less than seven hours a night may have more health issues than those who do," he explains. Johns Hopkins Medicinefound that sleep deprivation can lead to a "36% increased risk for colorectal cancer," propensity for developing type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, and an overall lower immune system.

Saying "I'll sleep when I'm dead," may sound like a joke, but there's nothing funny about not letting your body get the rest it needs to function.

Should people with sleep difficulties try sleepmaxxing?

There are several reasons why your sleep could be negatively impacted right now. You may be dealing with insomnia due to stress, depression, or being a new parent. According to the American Psychological Association, 43% of people believe being stressed contributes to their lack of sleep. Furthermore, these same people have noticed their mood has shifted. The same reports shows that 45% of people who are getting less than the recommended hours of sleep have shared they feel on edge more than others while 52% have noticed they've been taking their frustrations out on those in their household.

Dr. Bindal agrees that sleepmaxxing can greatly benefit you if you're struggling because it can "enhance sleep quality to the fullest and emphasizes the importance of optimal sleep health."

How does sleepmaxxing benefit us?

Clearly, you need a certain amount of sleep to function properly and achieve all those goals you've so intentionally set recently (hello, October Theory!). That's where sleepmaxxing can come in. Dr. Bindal says, "Improved sleep quality can lead to enhanced mental clarity and emotional stability, making it easier to navigate daily challenges."

If you're planning to change a few habits, you're going to need all the strength and focus you can access because change isn't always easy — even if you welcome it! So when you're implementing these new nighttime routines, be sure to stick to them. Turn your phone on Do Not Disturb, avoid the itch to scroll socials, and make sure you're able to properly relax. It can make all the difference in the world!

How can we incorporate sleepmaxxing in our bedtime routines?

If you don't know how to make sleepmaxxing work for you, Dr. Bindal has great suggestions! "Key techniques include optimizing your sleep environment, establishing a consistent sleep schedule, and managing stress and anxiety," he suggests.

One of the key ways you can make sure your room will promote a good night's sleep is by "adjusting the temperature" or "practicing a relaxation exercises before bed," he says. While meditation and mindfulness may be relaxation exercises that take practice over time, choosing the correct temperature is an easy way to set yourself up for success. Everyone's different, but he truly believes your room should be between 65 and 69 degrees Fahrenheit, too.

As Dr. Bindal mentioned before, eliminating sources of light can also aid in the rest you get. Personally, I can't sleep with the TV or lights on anymore because I just know it interrupts my sleep. My room is usually pitch black when it's time to go to sleep — to the point my three-year-old knows what it means when I turn everything off.

Besides these things, Dr. Bindal encourages you to maintain "consistent sleep and wake times" along with a "balanced diet and regular physical activity." Whether that means you start making your own Cava bowls inspired by the blue zone diet or doing workouts at home, they can aid in helping your body repair itself which then promotes the sleep you need.

Can we become too hyper-focused on our quality of sleep?

As with anything, too much of something can have adverse affects which rules out any benefits. Though sleepmaxxing can be a good thing for you, becoming fixated on it is likely going to make you even more stressed. "One of the primary concerns with sleepmaxxing is the development of orthosomnia, a condition caused by an obsession with tracking sleep metrics, with devices or apps, which increases anxiety and can further disrupt sleep, called paradoxical insomnia," Dr. Bindal warns.

If you become too obsessed with tracking every little thing, he says all this will do is "disrupt sleep cycles and limit the efficacy of insomnia treatments." But, he has an idea of what you can do to lessen the chance that'll happen. "Instead of over-analyzing how much sleep you’re getting, it’s important to understand that insomnia is a common and treatable condition, by incorporating healthy sleep hygiene routines organically and focusing on addressing the root causes of insomnia symptoms," he shares.

How can we optimize our sleep without getting sucked into wellness trends?

Whether you want to call it sleepmaxxing or not, all you have to do is normalize the tips Dr. Bindal mentioned above. "Some of the ways can include established a consistent sleep schedule, creating a relaxing bedtime routine, managing light exposure, and limiting screen time before you want to go to sleep," he reiterates. Social media isn't going anywhere so don't let your FOMO convince you that potential scandals or tutorials are more important than getting seven to nine hours of sleep.

Also, don't forget to "maintain a comfortable sleep environment" while being aware of your "caffeine and alcohol intake throughout the day," Dr. Bindal points out. Something tells us that we're going to have to be intentional about breaking up with our daily coffee runs and desires to unwind with a nice glass of wine. But if it means we'll sleep better, we'll add that to our list of habits to change!

There's no shame in realizing you're feeling lonely, but it's also important to identify when that loneliness morphs into isolation. "Even though many might be experiencing the same feelings, that doesn't mean they are reaching out for support," Kelman says. "Many are not feeling enough strength to reach out to others or feel like they are being a burden so they reason alone with their feelings."

"It's also become more evident as our reliance on digital communication has grown, sometimes leaving us more connected online but feeling less understood and less connected in more meaningful, in-person ways," Dr. Stratyner adds. And then there's the social expectation of it all. "Many people tend to hide their loneliness because they feel shame or embarrassment about it. This can make it even harder to open up and connect with others who might be feeling the same way. The more we keep these feelings to ourselves, the more it reinforces the isolation, even though we all experience it in varying forms."

"It is hard to see light when things feel dark, and many go inward to deal with their feelings," Kelman points out. "Many are so burdened by their feelings that they might not feel capable to care for those around them or to show up and be present for others."

And just like Dr. Gilboa says, we're looking for true connection, not just surface-level friendships. But how can we make true social connection? Here's what they suggest.

1. A good friend shows care and empathy for the people around them.

If you care for the people around you, there's a very good chance others will want to be your friend. "People that show empathy toward others are very attractive qualities as it shows that one has the capacity to care for others and be present for them," Kelman says. "Those that are gregarious and selfless can be quite appealing as well. Those that are self-involved tend to repel others rather than attract."

Focusing on others instead of yourself can be easier said than done, but the it's definitely worth it. "People are drawn to those who show genuine care and understanding," Dr. Stratyner agrees.

​2. A good friend is reliable and trustworthy.

Our inner circle is going to be made up of people who know us inside and out, but it's unlikely someone will reach that level of emotional intimacy unless you really trust them. "In friendship people rate reliability, honesty and trustworthiness more highly [than romantic relationships]," Dr. Gilboa says.

​3. People are attracted to humor.

I'm sure we can all think of someone who never fails to make us laugh. And being the funny friend can mean a lot of things: you know how to poke fun at yourself or you don't take things too seriously (unless they need to be taken seriously, of course). But that doesn't mean making other people the butt of mean jokes.

"A good sense of humor helps foster a positive, lighthearted atmosphere, making interactions feel enjoyable and memorable," Stratyner says. "Plus, everyone loves to laugh."

​4. You need to be a good listener.

No one wants to be talked at and never listened to. After all, we do have two ears and one mouth! But simply nodding your head and zoning out won't cut it. "People appreciate feeling truly heard," Dr. Stratyner says. "This demonstrates respect, interest, and a willingness to connect on a deeper level."

"Be a great listener without asserting your own views or agenda," Kelman adds. "Be available, vulnerable and present. Ask those around you how they are and truly listen to how they feel. Be open and direct and most of all, be a constant. Nothing better than knowing that you will be there for all things."

So engage with what your friends are saying and, even better, remember it later!

5. A good friend is generous.

Is there a better time to talk about generosity than Thanksgiving? Be generous with your time, resources, and your heart — but don't worry, that doesn't mean you have to let someone else steam roll you. After all, a good friend also won't take advantage of you!

"Giving to others and the community are wonderful traits and habits that are very attractive to others and may draw people in," Kelman says. "People want to be around people that give and are easy-going in their interactions with individuals and the world around them."

​6. New friends are attracted to positivity.

When things feel dark, new friends will be attracted to someone who can make the world feel a little lighter. "People are often attracted to those who can find the silver lining, stay hopeful, and spread good vibes, especially in challenging situations," Dr. Stratyner says.

That's not to say you can never have bad days or process things like disappointment and grief. It just means you aren't ruled by them. (Listen, as an Enneagram 4, I'm talking to myself!)

Ok, you might be thinking, this is great but what do I do with this information? Here are some easy, actionable steps to take if you want to make new friends.

1. Understand why you're feeling lonely will help you address the real problem.

"First is to get an understanding of the loneliness and where it is coming from...finding community too soon may cause an increase in loneliness even while being surrounded by others," Kelman recommends.

You can't reach a solution if you don't know what the real problem is. I realized since I work from home, I need to do better about leaving the apartment, and my favorite way to spend an afternoon is coworking with a friend at a coffee shop.

​2. Finding new hobbies will connect you with similar people.

I met some of my best friends through a big movie group, which means when I have a meme or a piece of news to fangirl over, I know exactly who to contact. "Find activities that ignite you, find like minded individuals with whom to connect," Kelman adds. "Join a book club, pick up a new sport or hobby, but again, trying to immerse yourself too soon may not have any impact on the lonely feelings."

"The antidote to loneliness is social connection — true connection that paves the way for belonging," Dr. Gilboah says. "Talking to people to learn what interests and values are shared will open the door for the types of relationships that become community."

​3. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there.

Listen. If you only ever order takeout and watch Netflix, you'll simply never make new connections. You gotta get after it! "Look for community events, clubs, or hobby groups that align with your interests, whether book clubs, sports leagues, or volunteering opportunities," Dr. Stratyner says. "Being around people with shared passions makes it easier to start conversations and find common ground."

​4. And don't be afraid to reach out first.

For some reason, we've decided that reaching out first (or double texting) means we're needy and insufferable. This is simply not the case because who doesn't want to know they were thought of!! Plus, there's a good chance that if you're overthinking every little detail, other people are too.

"Reach out, even in small ways, to those around us who may be feeling the same," says Dr. Gilboah. "Loneliness often leads to rumination - the act of dwelling on or spiraling downward through negative thoughts. Ruminating can cause further isolation and distracts us from the people and stimuli around us."

​5. Be present when you're finally with people.

When you do make special connections, it's super important to make sure you're offering your full attention. "Showing up emotionally and physically makes them feel valued and heard, strengthening your bond," Dr. Stratyner says. She also recommends checking in to remind them you're there, and genuinely celebrating their wins (which, separately, is definitely a sign of being a girls' girl). "If a friend is going through a tough time, offer to help in any way you can," she adds. "Sometimes, simply acknowledging their struggle and offering your time can make all the difference."

"The best news about friendship is that Gen Z values authenticity above just about any other factor in friendship," Dr. Gilboah says. "Gathering the courage to be your true self and [mixing] that with empathetic listening will make you a sought after friend."