The Dos and Don’ts of Checking Out Someone’s Social Media Before Your First Date

Dear Lumi: Will I ever be worthy of being loved romantically? I have never been in a relationship, and I’m scared I will never be. I have so much love to give, but I don’t think I’ll ever have the chance to show it.

Bean, Illinois

• Sun sign: Virgo
• Rising sign: Cancer
• Moon sign: Gemini

Dear Virgo: I understand where you're coming from, as many people feel this way these days. Here’s a little personal story from my journey: In my early 20s, I was pretty inexperienced in love and pressured by societal expectations to settle down by 30. Sigh...

I went to great lengths to attract a partner, even dabbling in spells and misleading manifestation techniques. Please tread carefully if you're trying this. Instead of finding true love, I drew a series of “ghosts” and situationships. I felt I had so much love to offer, but it all led to emptiness and eventually a toxic relationship with someone I thought was my soulmate, but turned out to be my karmic partner. There’s more to this story, but let’s save it for another time.

The end of that relationship led me to discover the essence of self-love and self-acceptance, eventually stepping into my own worth. Astrology has become a guiding light for me in that regard — and can be for you, too.

​Let’s Talk About Your Rising Sign & How It Defines Your Relationship Standards

In astrology, examining your rising sign can offer profound insights. With Cancer rising, your soul yearns for deep, emotional connections. Creating a biological or soul family may bring you joy and fulfillment. Opposite Cancer is Capricorn, which governs the 7th house of your birth chart — the area that reveals the type of partners you need and what you should embody to feel complete, whether you’re with someone or not. A Capricorn-ruled 7th house suggests that a structured, secure, and straightforward partner will align with your needs. If you find yourself in a relationship that feels stagnant or uncertain from the start, it’s a sign that you’re not embodying Capricorn’s qualities, and it might be time to move on.

Your natural tendency to give and care deeply for others stems from a place of genuine concern and desire to ensure everyone’s well-being. However, it’s crucial for you to seek security from within. Feeling at home in your skin and living in the moment are great starting points.

Avoid individuals who offer unrequited love or broken promises. You may have an intuitive sense that you might overlook — trust it. By becoming more aware of your physical and emotional responses to others, you can discern between genuine connections and energy-draining situations. Establishing a practice of quiet reflection and observation can facilitate understanding the root of your heightened emotions.

The core message here is to build security within yourself and extend grace and understanding to yourself throughout your journey. It’s perfectly okay to be single right now; you're worthy of attracting a partner who will cherish all of you. To find the love of your life, you must first love yourself — not in a self-centered way, but by honoring your own needs and boundaries. Saying no to situations and people not aligning with your sensitive soul will make you stronger than you realize. The Universe will respond with an endearing relationship by practicing this because you’ve learned to honor yourself.

With Love and Stars,

Lumi

​How Your Rising Sign Cultivates Self-Acceptance and Attracts the Love You Need

Like an outfit, your rising sign showcases your personality, identity, and perception of the world. What if I tell you that the rising sign can also attract the love you need in your journey? Think of your rising sign as your energy and how you embody it. It's the mirror we carry, and by our energy, we can keep it clean and pristine or murky and distorted. Sometimes, we cannot stand what we see in ourselves, and that channeled energy emanates outward, creating distortion-filled experiences. When this happens, you lose your 'main character' energy, which results in you leaving your life to chance rather than writing your chapters. When you embody complete self-acceptance and happiness within yourself, these are the key ingredients in powering up your rising sign and your 7th house.

As you begin to feel at peace, love, and harmony to the best of your ability, this will attract what you desire in your life and in love. The world will respond and reflect back all that we project. It’s that simple. Our rising sign is responsible for this active energy, and learning how to master it, will be the key to help you understand the nature of your personality while also attracting your dreams. The ascendant is the portal of your experiences, good and bad. Now that we understand the gist of the rising sign, let's explore your rising sign and how you can tap into your main character energy.

​Love Alchemy: How Your Rising Sign Shapes Relationships

Aries Rising

Aries Rising radiates a bold, adventurous energy, often attracting equally spirited partners. To attract the love of their life, they should embrace their assertiveness and passion. By channeling the competitive energy of their 7th house (Libra), they can cultivate harmony in relationships without sacrificing their individuality. Self-acceptance means recognizing their fierce independence while being open to collaboration and compromise. The dynamic energy of Mars empowers them to attract a partner who admires their fiery spirit yet values partnership.

Taurus Rising

Grounded and sensual, Taurus Rising can attract lasting love through their nurturing nature. Their 7th house energy in Scorpio encourages depth and intensity in relationships. To manifest their ideal partner, Taurus Rising must embrace their inner beauty and the pleasure of self-care. By embodying their desire for stability and security, they can project an aura of comfort and reliability, making them irresistible to those seeking genuine connections. Venus, their ruling planet, enhances their allure, helping them draw the right kind of love.

Gemini Rising

With a quick wit and charm, Gemini Rising attracts partners through intellectual stimulation. Their 7th house in Sagittarius encourages exploration and adventure. To attract their soulmate, they should openly embrace their duality and communicate their needs and desires. Their self-acceptance journey involves acknowledging their inquisitiveness while finding ways to ground themselves in relationships. Mercury, their ruling planet, sharpens their communication skills, enabling them to draw in a partner who shares their passion for life and learning.

Cancer Rising

Cancer Rising embodies warmth and nurturing energy, making them deeply appealing to potential partners. Their 7th house in Capricorn requires a balance between emotional depth and practical commitment. To attract a lasting love, Cancer Rising should accept their need for security while being open to vulnerability. Utilizing their emotional intelligence to discern their connections creates a safe space for love to flourish. The Moon, their ruling planet, enhances their intuition and empathy, helping them attract a partner who values their nurturing nature and ambition.

Leo Rising

Confident and charismatic, Leo Rising draws people in with their radiant energy. Their 7th house in Aquarius encourages them to seek uniqueness in relationships. To draw in the love they need, Leo Rising must embody self-love while giving space for individuality. By embracing their creativity and leading with generosity, the Sun, their ruling planet, inspires them to attract a partner who appreciates their vibrant spirit and shares their vision for a progressive, loving partnership.

Virgo Rising

Practical and detail-oriented, Virgo Rising has a unique charm that attracts partners seeking stability and support. Their 7th house in Pisces invites them to explore relationships' emotional and spiritual aspects. Virgo Rising should love their imperfections and the beauty of vulnerability to attract an epic partnership. By cultivating self-acceptance and finding joy in the little things, Mercury, their ruling planet, helps them draw in a partner who appreciates their grounded nature while encouraging emotional exploration.

Libra Rising

Charming and harmonious, Libra Rising attracts partners through their innate ability to create beauty and balance. Their 7th house in Aries prompts them to be more assertive in love. Libra Rising must embrace the desire for partnership to attract their ideal partner while also recognizing the importance of self-identity. Being bold in expressing their needs will ignite their main character energy, as Venus, their ruling planet, empowers them to draw in a partner who values connection and independence.

Scorpio Rising

Intense and magnetic, Scorpio Rising naturally attracts people with their enigmatic presence. Their 7th house in Taurus urges them to seek relationship stability and loyalty. Scorpio Rising should tap into their emotional depth and learn to communicate openly to attract the love they desire. Valuing their worth is vital to mastering their life path. By engaging in self-love and finding a balance between their passionate nature and a desire for security, Pluto and Mars, their ruling planets, will manifest in attracting a partner who appreciates their intensity and commitment.

Sagittarius Rising

Adventurous and free-spirited, Sagittarius Rising attracts partners through their love of exploration and philosophy. Their 7th house in Gemini encourages communication and curiosity in relationships. To attract their ideal love, Sagittarius Rising has to tap into their quest for knowledge while remaining open to commitment. By cultivating self-worth and expressing their authentic self, Jupiter, their ruling planet, guides them in drawing in a partner who shares their passion for adventure and intellectual pursuits.

Capricorn Rising

Disciplined and ambitious, Capricorn Rising manifests partnerships through their drive and determination. Their 7th house in Cancer encourages them to explore emotional depth in relationships. To attract lasting love, Capricorn Rising should tap into their nurturing side and allow themselves to be vulnerable. By practicing self-love while balancing their ambitions with emotional availability, Saturn, their ruling planet, aids them in attracting a partner who admires their strength while valuing emotional connection.

Aquarius Rising

Innovative and independent, Aquarius Rising draws in partners with their unique perspectives and humanitarian spirit. Their 7th house in Leo invites them to ignite creativity and passion in relationships. Aquarius Rising must acknowledge their desire for freedom while recognizing the value of connection to attract the love they desire. By embodying their authentic and unique self, Uranus, their ruling planet, inspires them to draw in a partner who appreciates their individuality and shares their vision for a better world.

Pisces Rising

Dreamy and compassionate, Pisces Rising attracts partners through their empathetic and intuitive nature. Their 7th house in Virgo encourages them to seek practicality and service in relationships. To attract true love, it's vital for Pisces Rising to embrace their sensitivity while grounding themselves in reality. By practicing self-love and setting healthy boundaries, Neptune and Jupiter, their ruling planets, will manifest a partner who appreciates their depth and aligns with their desire for meaningful connections.

Understanding your rising sign can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth. Exploring your ascendant's unique traits and energies will help you get to know yourself and all its shades and how you navigate love and relationships. This awareness empowers you to embrace your authentic self and enables you to identify patterns that may hold you back. As you align with your rising sign's essence and ruling planet, you can cultivate more happiness and confidence, opening pathways to attract meaningful connections and experiences that resonate with your true essence. Embracing your rising sign invites you to step into your main character energy, allowing you to write your story with intention and authenticity.

Why do people want to share their relationship status with others?

My sister used to ask me this question when I was in my 20's, and I always looked at her like she had two heads growing. I couldn't fathom the idea that people wouldn't want to talk about their relationship online because it felt like everyone was doing it. I mean, a study from Pew Research Center shows 8 in 10 people on social media see relationship posts, so it clearly wasn't outrageous to think it was normal.

But, that still doesn't answer why people are drawn to sharing cute little updates about their partner or relationship. Luckily, Bray has a good indication of what drives people to give others a sneak peek into their lives. "People share their relationship status for all kinds of reasons. Some want to mark their territory — nothing says 'back off' quite like a cute couple selfie! Others are just excited and proud of their partner and want to share the joy," she says. That stems from people's "need for a sense of belonging or to receive positive reinforcement from others," she adds.

But, this doesn't necessarily make people weird. It's just human nature that makes us act the way we do. "We as humans are just hard wired to seek connection, and broadcasting our connections, makes us feel more accepted and secure in our social lives."

Should couples have conversations about their social media expectations?

I don't care how hot you think someone is, you're going to have to learn how to communicate with them. It's true even if your chemistry is off-the-charts because healthy relationships don't fall out of the sky. They're built via honesty, respect, forgiveness, and other important factors.

Before assuming your partner is or isn't okay with you posting about your relationship, Bray is 100% convinced you should talk things through. "Social media is still in the wild west of relationship etiquette, and without discussions, assumptions about 'correct' behavior can run wild," she hints. For example, you could be happily posting about your partner only for someone to point out that they're not following you on social media.

"Some people are super private, while others practically live their lives online. Misunderstandings happen when expectations aren't laid out so talking about it can prevent messiness in the long run," Bray observes.

If two people have gone on a couple of dates, should one of them be upset if the other isn't publicly talking about them?

So, you swiped right on Tinder or Bumble, and you had a few amazing dates with one of your matches. Before you start publicly declaring your love for them, Bray wants you to reconsider. "Hold on! It's just a few dates! Let’s pump the brakes. The early stages of dating is not the time to make grand social declarations," she declares. As someone who tried to 'date' people from Tinder, those first few dates aren't a guarantee that you've found the love of your life.

"Posting someone on social media can feel like a big step to some people so expecting that level of public commitment too soon might be too much pressure. If you’re already thinking, 'Why haven’t they posted about me yet?' after two dates, it might be a good time to check in with yourself about where those expectations are coming from," advises Bray.

I've recovered from my former, "Is he the one" obsession so also take it from me — see where things go first and then refer back to question #2!

Is it a red flag if someone doesn't post their partner on social media?

It would be so much fun if we personally had Dustin Poynter, the flag guy, from TikTok helping point us in the right direction — but this is one of those things that errs on the subjective side. Though Bray doesn't feel it's necessarily healthier to keep your relationship private, she thinks "context matters." "Some people are just more private or feel weird about social media in general," she says.

But, that doesn't mean certain behaviors don't warrant a few eyebrow raises. She notes," If someone is super active on social—like posting about their dog’s morning routine and every cupcake they’ve ever had—but doesn't ever mention their partner, it could create a need for a deeper conversation." Before you feel justified about grilling your partner — as satisfactory as that may feel — take a second to breathe.

Bray would prefer you work to understand "why they don't post, rather than assuming your partner is keep you a secret." If you discover the latter to be true, follow your instincts and let that person go because you don't deserve that!

Do you think it's healthier for couples to keep certain aspects of their relationship private?

Everyone has a different view of what makes a romantic relationship healthy, so this is one of those things Bray says, "absolutely depends on the couple" because some "genuinely enjoy sharing their lives online." You've probably seen your share of couples who make cute content together whether they're married or not. I'd be lying if I said I don't specifically keep up with a few whose content makes me smile.

But, other couples may not be interested in sharing their relationship online because they "want to be private and keep the relationship free from the judgements or opinions of others," according to Bray. That's not to say they have something to hide, though. Instead, think of it as a personal preference.

"As long as both partners are on the same page and it’s not a source of tension, it’s all about finding the balance that works for them. If it starts to feel like a performance for likes rather than genuine connection, though, that’s where it can become problematic," Bray reminds.

How can someone bring up their partner's posting habits without sounding accusatory?

You may feel eager about posting about your partner while they're less enthusiastic and this could make you feel upset. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're already upset, but Bray feels "tone is everything." Ironically, she suggests something I've heard in therapy sessions and that's "to be curious, not confrontational." Hopefully this stopped you in your tracks if you were ready to give your partner a piece of your mind.

"You can say something like, 'Hey, I’ve noticed we haven’t shared much about each other on social media? What’s your take on sharing stuff about us online?' It’s important to frame it as a mutual exploration of rather than a demand for a public declaration," Bray points out.

What would you tell someone who wants to emulate couples who consistently post content together?

We've all seen couples who we think have the cutest relationship, even though we've never met them before. As much as you may admire a couple, Bray thinks it's a "slipper slope" if you want to try to recreate their online moments. "I’d encourage someone to focus more on what makes their own relationship feel fulfilling, rather than chasing #couplesgoals," she encourages.

However, this isn't a sign that you're not supposed to ever share anything about your partner or relationship! "If posting together feels fun and real, go for it! But if it starts feeling like a performance or that you are in competition with other couples, it's probably good to take a step back," she warns.

Also, keep in mind that social media doesn't show you every single moment of couples' lives so don't worry about trying to look picture perfect based on a 30 second to 30 minute video.

Everything Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce Have Publicly Said About Each Other

July 26, 2023 — Travis Kelce Expresses Interest In Taylor

After Taylor's Eras Tour show in Kansas City, Travis told his brother on an episode of New Heights that he had hoped to give her a friendship bracelet displaying his phone number. "I was disappointed that she doesn’t talk before or after her shows because she has to save her voice for the 44 songs that she sings," he joked. "So I was a little butt-hurt I didn’t get to hand her one of the bracelets I made for her."

“I said what I said,” Travis later told NFL's Andrew Siciliano. “And I meant what I said when I said it.”

October 22, 2023 — Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce Basically Hard Launch Their Relationship

You know what they say: a picture's worth a thousand words. After lots of rumors, dates, and car rides, this kiss on the cheek was all the confirmation I needed that these two are serious!

November 11, 2023 — Taylor Swift Changes The Lyrics To "Karma"

While Travis Kelce was in the audience during the Eras Tour, Taylor changed a "Karma" lyric from "Karma is the guy on the screen coming straight home to me" to "Karma is the guy on the Chiefs coming straight home to me." Yeah, it's safe to assume I freaked the freak out.

Even though Travis revealed he had a clue Taylor would change the lyrics, he was still super surprised. "Definitely when I heard it come out of her mouth, [it] still shocked me," he said. "I was like...'Oh, she really just said that, alright.'"

November 20, 2023 — Travis Kelce Calls Taylor Swift "Mind-Blowing"

“I’ve never been a man of words. Being around her, seeing how smart Taylor is, has been f—king mind-blowing," Travis Kelce tells the WSJ Magazine. “Obviously I’ve never dated anyone with that kind of aura about them…But at the same time, I’m not running away from any of it…She’s just living, enjoying life. When she acts like that I better not be the one acting all strange.”

Even Donna Kelce had something to add! “I can tell you this,” she says. “He’s happier than I’ve seen him in a long time… God bless him, he shot for the stars!”

December 6, 2023 — Taylor Swift Reveals When She And Travis Actually Started Dating

Travis wasn't the only person who spilled on their relationship in a cover story! While speaking to TIME, Taylor revealed that the public's perception of their relationship timeline was (and had always been) way off.

“We actually had a significant amount of time [together] that no one knew, which I’m grateful for, because we got to get to know each other," she said in the interview. "By the time I went to that first game, we were a couple. I think some people think that they saw our first date at that game? We would never be psychotic enough to hard launch a first date.”

Taylor also mentioned how they "show up for each other" and that they're "just proud of each other."

January 28, 2024 — Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce Are Caught Saying "I Love You"

After Travis Kelce and the KC Chiefs won the Super Bowl, Taylor and Travis had some celebrating to do. The first order of business? Saying those three special words!

February 5, 2024 — Travis Kelce Says What We're All Thinking

After Taylor Swift announced The Tortured Poets Departmentwould drop on April 19 (and won Artist of the Year at the Grammys for the fourth time), Travis revealed that he'd already listened to some of the music.

"She's unbelievable, she's rewriting history books herself," he said during a press conference. "I told her I'll have to hold up my end of the bargain and come home with some hardware too...It's been fun to kind of gather the Swifties in the Chiefs' kingdom and open them up to the football world and the sports world."

"I have heard some of [Taylor Swift's new album], yes, and it is unbelievable," he continued. "I can't wait for her to shake up the world when it finally drops."

March 8, 2024 — Travis Kelce Gushes Over Taylor Swift (Again)

After spending some 1:1 time together in Australia (and getting hounded by the paparazzi), Travis Kelce had one easy answer for why this couple is so popular: “This is all because Taylor is the biggest and the best thing possible."

April 2, 2024 — Travis Kelce Has Never Been Happier

After a winter and spring full of amazing moments, Travis Kelce revealed just how happy he is with life. "I'm the happiest I've ever been," Travis Kelce told People. "I'm a guy that some people say is glass half full, half empty, and my glass is all the way full. It's all the way full...I'm oozing life right now."

And when asked about his relationship with Taylor, he hypes up how dedicated they both are to their crafts. "I think we both love what we do and any chance that I can show my support to her — knowing that she has shown me all the support in the world throughout the season — it’s just been an amazing experience getting to know Tay," he says in an interview with Entertainment Tonight.

April 10, 2024 — Even Travis Kelce Doesn't Know Why Taylor Swift Is Dating Him

During an April episode of New Heights, Travis admitted he doesn't quite understand how he's dating everyone's favorite popstar. "I don't know how I did it because she wasn't into sports," he says. "So I don't know how the f—k I did it."

April 19, 2024 — Taylor Swift Finally Releases Songs Rumored To Be About Travis Kelce

Okay this one might require you to suspend your disbelief for a little bit, but there is NO WAY "The Alchemy" and "So High School" aren't about Travis. Especially after Taylor Swift started mimicking his on-field moves during her concerts!

With lyrics like "Call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team" to "We've been on a winning streak / He jokes that it's heroin, but this time with an 'E'" in "The Alchemy" (which I think is about how Taylor literally made his game better) and "Truth, dare, spin bottles / You know how to ball, I know Aristotle" is "So High School," you'll never be able to convince me they're about anyone else.

April 27, 2024 — Travis Kelce Gave Us A DTR On His Relationship With Taylor Swift

When Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce arrived at the 15 and Mahomies Foundation Golf Classic in Las Vegas, I don't think Travis intended to confirm his relationship status with the popstar — or to auction off tickets to her concerts!

“I think I was just talking to my significant other, and we might have one other alternate item that wasn’t on the docket," he says (via People). "Um, has anybody heard of the Eras Tour?” The crowd was super excited, and they raised $80,000!

June 1, 2024 — Travis Kelce Comments On Viral Engagement Rumors

The internet has been talking about Taylor Swift's engagement (or lack thereof) for literal years, and it appears Travis and Taylor's IRL friends are talking about it too. During the Big Slick Celebrity Weekend's onstage comedy sketch Jason Sudeikis asked, "Hey Travis, real talk, OK, just the guys here...When are you going to make an honest woman out of her?"

"Guys," Travis responded, "you're really pushing it." Good on you Travis.

June 22, 2024 — Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce Finally Go Instagram Official

When Taylor Swift posted a selfie from the London Eras Tour with Prince William, Prince George, and Princess Charlotte, not only was she showing off her new friends but she also went Instagram grid official with Travis (a move she hasn't pulled since 2016!)

"Happy Bday M8!" Taylor captioned the photo. "London shows are off to a splendid start."

September 3, 2024 — Taylor Swift Literally Drafts Plays For The Chiefs

Travis Kelce nonchalantly revealed that Taylor Swift started drafting plays for him, and I NEED to know if and they use them! “She’s a little biased and just creates plays for me," Travis tells the Rich Eisen Show. “She had just been so open to learning the game, she didn’t know much about the rules or anything…I think she was just curious about the profession...I know none of the plays have gotten to Coach Reid yet, but if they ever do I’ll make sure everyone knows it was her creation."

September 11, 2024 — Taylor Swift Calls Travis Kelce Her Boyfriend On Live TV

During the VMAs, Taylor Swift accepted the award for Video of the Year for "Fortnight," and thanked Travis Kelce for his involvement — and confirmed they were boyfriend and girlfriend!!!

"Something that I'll always remember is when I would finish a take and I'd say ‘cut,’ and we'd be done with that take, I would always just hear, like, someone cheering from across the studio where we were shooting it, and that one person was my boyfriend, Travis," she says. "Everything this man touches turns to happiness and fun and magic. So, I want to thank him for adding that to our shoot because I’ll always remember that."

​How did Taylor and Travis meet?

In his WSJ profile, Travis Kelce revealed he had his own assists when it came to connecting with Taylor.

“There were definitely people she knew that knew who I was, in her corner [who said]: Yo! Did you know he was coming? I had somebody playing Cupid," he said — which he found out when Taylor contacted him. “She told me exactly what was going on and how I got lucky enough to get her to reach out."

How long have Taylor and Travis been together?

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce have been together since summer or early fall 2023. After Travis' friend "played Cupid" and they started talking, they were basically already a thing by the time she showed up to that first Chiefs' game in September 2023!

What is the age difference between Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce?

Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are only two months apart. Travis was born on October 5, 1989, and Taylor Swift was bornon December 13, 1989.