Why You Shouldn’t Be Afraid to Have Hard Conversations

Do you get a knot in your stomach just thinking about addressing relationship weight gain with bae and being honest without being too mean? We don’t blame you. Hard conversations are NOT fun, but talking about tough stuff in a genuine and meaningful way is super important. That’s why we chatted with Kelly McNelis, the founder of Women for One and an expert in showing women how to live a life they love. She broke down some of the most common issues behind having serious talks and how you can say exactly how you feel in a direct but caring way. Read on for tips that’ll help you tap into your truth.

staying quiet isn’t healthy

Speaking up can be really tough to do, but finding the strength to communicate is super important for handling conflict in a healthy way. McNelis says, “Avoiding hard conversations leads us to swallow our feelings, which is literally unhealthy. Resentments we fail to address turn into blame or anger, or they manifest in different ways, like a stress-related illness.” Eek!

If we avoid hard conversations, we hide from the people we’re at odds with, and that doesn’t solve anything. McNelis says, “When we’re acting from fight or flight mode, we get stuck in a state of reacting to what is happening rather than responding from self-awareness and integrity. In every sense of the word, people have forgotten how to ‘adult.’” The power of hard conversations comes from connecting with each other in meaningful ways, like sharing our thoughts, opinions, and voice. “This is how we start working together to create new solutions,” McNelis adds. “We can build our self-esteem and confidence, improve communication skills, and positively affect all of the relationships in our lives!”

Why do we avoid tough talks?

According to McNelis, women have a particularly tough time broaching sensitive subjects or speaking up. Why is that? McNelis has three reasons:

1. We care a ton. Feel like you naturally put your relationships above everything else? You’re not alone. McNelis says, “Women are natural caretakers and peacemakers. We’re trained to be nice, and many of us are afraid of being seen as bitchy. Unfortunately, many of us haven’t been taught to own our thoughts and feelings, so we think they’ll negatively impact our connections with others.”

Having a hard convo doesn’t mean a relationship needs to end. McNelis says it’s a total myth that sharing your raw truth will result in something awful, like the other person shutting down or walking away. Instead, addressing conflict with a BFF or partner can actually help us open up and build a stronger connection. “These are strengths that all women have and can choose to enhance,” she says.

2. We don’t know how to set boundaries. “Sometimes we are so busy taking care of others that we forget to put on our own oxygen mask,” McNelis says. “We have to learn how to say ‘no’ more often, and tap into the power of clarity and choice.” To do so, she says to remind yourself that you can’t be everything to everyone. “When people choose to dislike us for standing up for ourselves and sharing our truths, I’m not sure it’s worth it to have them in our lives,” she advises.

3. We don’t like conflict. We have to admit, social media has made it way too easy to hide behind our computers. McNelis agrees, “These days, you can block or unfriend someone you disagree with, instead of hearing them out and offering your feedback in a neutral and compassionate way.” Instead of cutting someone out because they disagree with your point of view, she says you should “get curious and try to understand why.”

how to have a productive convERSATION

It’s not always possible to have a hard conversation that’s totally painless, but McNelis says there are a number of things we can do to make sure it’s a super-productive experience for both people. Here are her top tips:

1. Tell the truth. Speaking the truth, being vulnerable and honest is the most important thing you can do in a hard conversation, McNelis says. “This isn’t about getting it right, but about connecting with your shared humanity — the parts of you both that are tender, unpolished, and sometimes rough around the edges.”

While it’s not always easy, being totally honest and transparent with the other person can help you understand each other better and rebuild your relationship. “When you’re transparent and authentic, you get clarity,” McNelis says. “You also demonstrate to others that you are trustworthy.”

2. Listen up. It’s important to do more listening than talking when having a tough conversation. “Listening is not a passive undertaking where you let the other person walk all over you,” McNelis says. “It’s about giving people the space to be heard. Nine out of 10 times, people are so busy formulating a response and a defense that they totally forget this part.”

3. Take a power pause.Ever feel like a hard convo is heated or scary? It happens to the best of us! If you’re in this situation, McNelis suggests taking a “power pause,” or a moment to slow down, breathe, and check in with yourself. “Notice how the other person is reacting too,” she says. “Ask them how they feel and notice how this can help ease any tensions you both feel.” Such sound advice!

Have you had a hard convo recently? Tell us how you brought it up and talked it through on Twitter @BritandCo.

(Photos via Getty)

With the holidays now approaching almost eerily quickly, you might already be feeling slightly uneasy about the family stresses that are bound to be on your plate (along with delicious Christmas cookies, of course). Spending a lot of time face-to-face with family can dig up old arguments or squabbles that everyone may have forgotten during the rest of the year.

Learn the 8 best ways to support your friend while they're in the middle of family drama

You’re not the only one dealing with the drama, though, and while your own family issues might feel somewhat out of your control, there might be more you can do to take the edge off the stress that your friends are feeling in anticipation of holiday gatherings. Keep scrolling for eight expert tips for how to best offer support to your most stress-ridden BFFs.

1. Listen without judging if your friend reveals an ongoing argument about a family will

RDNE Stock project

Being a good listener is one of the most basic — and yet most important — things you can do as a friend 365 days of the year, but when tensions run high near the holidays, those listening skills become all the more crucial. You might even consider resisting the urge to speak, like, at all. “Be a good listener and don’t give advice,” licensed marriage and family therapist Katie Ziskind says. “Supporting someone doesn’t mean that you have to fix their problem. Instead, truly being supportive means giving a hug when someone is crying and being a caring friend.”

2. Prep your pal to expect drama if your uncle's invited his new girlfriend and ex to dinner

Rather than reassuring your friend that things at family celebrations may not be as bad as they fear, trust what they know about the situation and help them wrap their head around what’s to come. This should minimize the stress for them in the long run. “If you expect it and it happens, situation normal,” certified life coach Susan Golicic tells us. “If you expect it and it doesn’t, well, then, a bonus!”

3. Help your bestie make a plan in case their fight-or-flight mode gets triggered

Going into any situation with a plan almost always feels better than going in unprepared. Per writer, speaker, and healing expert Alisa Zipursky, a helpful plan might include specific check-in times, a code word that indicates your friend needs extra support, and ideas for creating healthy boundaries with family members who make them feel especially triggered. “The idea is to make asking for help as easy as possible,” Zipursky says. “Making sure a proactive plan is in place well before someone enters the stressful situation can help relieve some of the anticipatory anxiety.”

4. Check in often by sending your friend periodic texts 

Licensed counselor Maria Inoa recommends that you prioritize regular touch-base texts over the course of whatever event is causing your friend the most stress. It’s not about solving the conflicts or taking away their pain. Instead, you can focus on offering gentle reminders that you are thinking of them and are available if they need you.

5. Create a new tradition that revolves around you and and your bestie's favorite Christmas movies

If your friend’s family holiday celebrations don’t exactly inspire positive feelings about the occasion, why not help them establish some better associations? Licensed clinical professional counselor Anna Poss suggests planning a “low-stress, fun way to celebrate with each other before or after the actual holiday.” Get a seasonal movie night or cookie swap on the calendar before everyone leaves town to hang with family. Those cozy vibes may help dull the negative, anxious feelings.

6. Write down words of affirmations for them to look at

Photo By: Kaboompics.com

Grab some pretty stationery and put your love and support on paper for your BFF. “In the note, remind her how strong, courageous, and capable she is,” licensed psychotherapist and life coach Diane Petrella says. “Let her know how much you love and admire her and how grateful you are for her friendship. Write whatever you think your friend needs to hear to feel supported, grounded, and loved.” Remind her to hide the note in her pocket or bag so she can read it whenever she needs a little extra TLC over the course of the holidays. You can even go one step further and send them home with a care package, per therapistShannon Thomas.

7. Invite your friend to your family celebration

If things have gotten so bad with your bestie’s family that she wants to steer clear of their celebrations entirely, you may want to invite her to join you and your crew instead. Even if she opts to decline your invitation, it will mean a lot to her to know that she has choices. If your friend does take you up on the offer, Mountainside Treatment Center‘s family wellness manager Tina Muller recommends that you try to incorporate some of her favorite traditions into your holiday schedule.

8. Keep your phone nearby if your friend needs to talk about everything that happened

Photo By: Kaboompics.com

“Before an event with possible family issues even happens, schedule a time not long after to see the friend,” marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein suggests. “Now you’ve become the light at the end of the tunnel for them.” Be prepared to be a listening ear over dinner or a workout session so your pal can vent about everything that’s gone on and (hopefully) be ready to move on from there.

How do you and your pals support each other through the not-so-fun parts of the holidays? Tweet us @BritandCo.

(Photo via Getty)

Fans of Fourth Wing are on pins and needles because Rebecca Yarros just announced she's finished writing the third book in the Empyrean series! It's us, we're fans — along with over half of BookTok.

We can't believe we're getting closer to reading more about Violet Sorrengail's journey, but we know you have a ton of burning questions about the release date for Book No. 3.

We may not have all the answers, but we've done a little digging to share as much as we can because who doesn't want to know what Rebecca Yarros has been up to?

I'm new to the Empyrean series. Are "Fourth Wing" and "Iron Flame" really worth reading?

Amazon

I'm not going to lie to you. The editorial team, including myself, are extremely biased about Fourth Wingand Iron Flame. From my perspective, I think these are great books for anyone who had the pleasure of growing up during the great Harry Potter era and moved on to watchingGame of Thrones and House of Dragons.

Did she announce the name of book no. 3?

Rebecca Yarros/Instagram

YES! Book No. 3 is titled Oynx Storm.

Knowing what we do about the manifestation of Violet's powers, I think this could hint she's going to play an even larger role in the series. According to a fan theory shared on TikTok(via Empyrean Riders), it's believed that Violet and Xaden Riorson are actually gods. Stay with me here.

Empyrean Riders noted that Violet's last name means heavenly and that she's able to control time thanks to her connection to the young dragon Andarna (I love her so much!). That sounds pretty god-like to me.

And when asked which two Taylor Swift songs describe Onyx Storm, Rebecca Yarros chose "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?" from The Tortured Poets Department and "So It Goes..." from Reputation. "Who's Afraid of Little Old Me?" is one of Taylor's most powerful songs and definitely translates the idea that Violet's powers are going to be stronger than ever, while "So It Goes..." is equal parts suspense and seduction, and is TOTALLY about "all the pieces fall right into place" to get together with the right person.

There's so much more to unpack so I suggest grabbing a yummy snack while you fall down the rabbit hole. All I'm sure of is that Onyx Storm is going to leave our emotions in shambles just like Fourth Wing and Iron Flame did.

When did Rebecca Yarros announce she's done writing book no. 3 in the series?

Rebecca Yarros/Instagram

On June 17, Rebecca Yarros shared this image of her laptop to indicate she'd finished the third book in the Empyrean series.

She wrote, "(Pic from one of the very many locations in which this book was written)," towards the end of the caption before adding a few relevant hashtags to it.

When will Onxy Storm be available for purchase?

Rebecca Yarros/Instagram

Rebecca Yarros exclusively told Good Morning America that fans can expect the book to hit shelves January 21, 2025! That gives us a little over six months to prepare our emotions for what's sure to be a storm of a book.

She said, "There will be politics, new adventures, old enemies and of course, dragons." There's no way she could forget the dragons because I'd willingly riot over them. They deserve to have their stories told forever.

As luck would have it, Cosmopolitan received an exciting first look at what's to come in Onyx Storm. The excerpt begins with Violet realizing the Venin have found their way into Basgiath War College and are wreaking havoc. Alongside Rhiannon, Sawyer, and Ridoc, she races to stop the Venin from releasing Jack Barlowe from his prison cell.

However, Violet's shocked when she discovered one of the "dark wielders" has a long silver braid that closely resembles her own. Before she can fully react, the woman disappears. According to Screen Rant, there are possible theories about why Violet saw her and what this means for her growing power.

Towards the end of the excerpt, Violet discovers the Venin want to capture her too. Also, Xaden makes his long-awaited appearance and it's clear their playful banter in the face of danger hasn't changed. That he hasn't fully changed into the Venin Violet's used to seeing.

I officially can't wait to read the rest of the book in January!

Has Rebecca Yarros revealed the cover for Onyx Storm?

Today/Bree Archer, Elizabeth Turner Stokes for Entangled Publishing

Onyx Storm

Yes!

TODAY received an exclusive look at the cover for Onyx Storm and it doesn't disappoint! Unlike its predecessors, it appears Rebecca Yarros is hinting that darker events will take place.

Fans of the Empyrean series aren't the only ones who are excited to see what fate has in store for our favorite characters though. In a statement to TODAY, Rebecca revealed how elated she is to be working on the series again. "It's amazing to be back with these characters again. She also said, ""I can't wait for readers to see what Violet, Xaden, and the rest of the quadrant have in store for them in Onyx Storm!"

Are you excited for the release of Onyx Storm? Follow us on Facebook for more entertainment news!

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

This post has been updated.

Last year, some of us celebrated the holidays apart from our families for the first time. COVID has brought with it many changes, some of them arguably positive (like increased flexibility to work from home), some difficult (such as the realization of vastly different political and social views between family and friends), and some horrible (obviously, the health implications of a global pandemic). However, for some of us, celebrating the holidays without family members isn't exclusively due to COVID. In addition to so many of us living in different areas than our families of origin, some of us simply don't have close bonds with the people we grew up around. Sometimes, this can cause loneliness.

If you're not close with your family members, the holidays can be a difficult time. This is doubly true if you don't have a close circle of friends to call upon. But make no mistake, if this sounds like your situation, you're not alone — there are thousands of other people going through the same struggles you are. We sat down with Irad Eichler, founder of Circles, a website that connects people who are sharing similar struggles, like heartbreak, grief, or loneliness. Here are some of Eichler's tips for coping — and even thriving! — during the holiday season when you're not planning on spending it with your family, for one reason or another.

Don't Fall For "Perfect Families" On Social Media

Laura Chouette

The first VERY important step to having a joyous holiday season when you're going it alone is to stop believing the narrative that others' family situations are perfect, Eichler says.

"Remember people only post a moment in time, and only the moments when they look their happiest and best."

In addition to the fact that everything you see on social media is curated for the 'gram, it's also important to remember that by focusing on what others have and you lack, you risk failing to see the great things at play in your own life.

"These holiday periods can become a time of focusing on who and what we don't have, rather than who or what we do, and can cause a negative spiral into depressing and dreadful feelings of inadequacy," says Eichler.

Gratitude is the reason for the season, after all. So instead of only seeing the negative, try some gratitude journal prompts to help you focus on what's actually really wonderful about your life right now.

Make An Effort To Deepen New Connections

Joel Muniz

While it may seem like everyone has friends and family to spend time with during the holiday season, that doesn't mean no one is available for deepening a blossoming relationship or new friendship.

"Make a list of people you can or would like to connect with, and try to reach out to at least one of them," advises Eichler.

Reaching out doesn't have to mean a big plan or an hour-long conversation. Even a quick text letting a friendly coworker know you're thinking about them can go a long way toward deepening the relationship and moving it in the direction of closer friendship.

Don't have an acquaintance in mind? Then it's time to make new acquaintances. What's more in line with the Christmas spirit than attending a Meetup or event full of people eager to make new friends?

"Join groups with similar interests to yours, such as hiking, baking, or games. Push your boundaries and be brave - you might find new people who have much in common with you."

Give Back

Priscilla Du Preez

The holiday season is a great time to focus on giving back to your community, and coincidentally, acts of generosity and kindness are known to reduce loneliness and help people feel happier. One study found that knowing a few of your neighbors and doing small acts of kindness for them — such as cheering them up, listening to them, mowing their lawn, providing advice about local business recommendations and job opportunities, and chatting over the fence — was statistically correlated with feeling less lonely and having a lower risk of depression.

Helping out elderly neighbors can be a particularly gratifying way to give back.

"Notice older lonely people in your neighborhood or community who might have no family at all, and offer to help them," says Eichler. "These can become mutually meaningful connections, and help you 'adopt' a grandparent."

Connect With Others Online

Thought Catalog

Finally, use the Internet for its highest and best purpose: to connect people. Whether you're using Meetup to find in-person events, digital forums for having conversations about special interests, or programs like Circle for getting support from others in your situation, the opportunities to create new connections are practically endless.

"There are many interest groups that can be found digitally, where or any person can connect with others in the same life stage, going through the same challenges, or who would like to explore the same interests," Eichler states. "Meaningful connections can be formed easily in these circumstances. The Internet enables us to find and connect to people all over the world who fit this, and to whom we can become more easily attached, as we are able to find people with the exact interests that energize us."

If you're struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. Connect with our digital community of makers and creatives here at Brit+Co by following us on IG and signing up for our newsletter!

This post has been updated.

Kate Winslet is THE Hollywood actress to me. Not only has she starred in box office smashes like Titanic and Avatar: Way of Water, but she's proven her acting chops in breakout indie flicks and provided mothers and daughters everywhere with eternal Christmas movie nights thanks to The Holiday. But the actress' consistently viral kindness, her dedication to embracing her natural beauty, and her sophistication don't mean she always feels confident. Kate Winslet just spilled on the one movie from her career that had her "sh—ing" herself, and I just had to dive in.

Here's what Kate Winslet had to say about her scariest movie experience ever.

  • Kate Winslet made a name for herself with Titanic, Sense & Sensibility, and The Holiday.
  • However those movies aren't the film she wants fans to ask about!
  • The actress spills on the movies she's proud of, and the one job that had her "sh—ing myself."

Talking to Vanity Fair for her newest film Lee, Kate Winslet revealed one project she wishes fans asked about more is Iris. The 2001 film stars Kate as a young Iris Murdoch against Judi Dench's older counterpart. And for Kate, nothing was more terrifying than working with such a wonderful actress.

"People don’t really ask me about Iris. It’s such a delicate film," she says. "It was the first thing I had done after having my daughter. Going to work with a baby, I’m playing Iris Murdoch, looking to Judi Dench’s older Iris Murdoch — I was sh—ting myself."

Considering how nervous I get when I meet my heroes, I can only imagine what it was like to meet Dame Judi Dench. Talk about a dream! Another film Kate loves is Revolutionary Road, and not just because she got to reunite with Leonardo DiCaprio.

"The thing that people say is, 'You got to work with Leo again.' Then they go off on the whole Leo tangent, which I totally understand," she says of the film, which follows an ambitious couple who find themselves trapped in the reality of 1950s suburbia. "But Revolutionary Road — f—king hell, it just knocked us all sideways. Unbelievably difficult material. I was very proud of that film and what Leo and I were able to create as Frank and April. It was so brutal."

The process for getting Lee into the world sounds equally brutal, considering Kate started working on it over a decade ago. As producer, Kate tells Vanity Fair she doesn't mind the fact she's done more for the film than if she only had an acting credit. "That has felt very necessary for this film. But it’s also just really important to me," she says. "It’s important to me that people know that it’s out there and might feel compelled to go and see it."

Because it turns out, commercial success or stardom on its own doesn't actually help your movie get made! "It doesn’t matter who you are," she says. "No one’s going to go, 'Oh, I’ll just back that pony because she was in Titanic.' It doesn’t happen that way, and I never expected that. That’s really important to say."

"I've gotten older and I’ve learned more and felt more confident in myself about whether or not I could actually do it," she adds. "It’s not something I would’ve done had I not felt so passionately about the subject, and Lee was just—she wouldn’t let me go."

Let us know your favorite Kate Winslet movies in the comments, and since we've officially entered cozy season, check out Why The Holiday Movie Ending Is The Most Important Scene while you're at it!

Marvel movies are known for their heroes and their hopeful outlook on the world. But in 2025, we're getting a brand new team: the Thunderbolts. This team is made up of antiheroes and former villains, and it's sure to be the wackiest and strangest, as well as one of the most memorable, superhero movies we've seen in recent years.

Keep reading for the latest news on Thunderbolts* before it hits theaters in 2025.

Marvel Studios/YouTube

Thunderbolts* comes out this May, and the cast just showed off some brand new footage at the D23 convention — and thanks to the new 'Celebrating 85 Years' spot, we have the first look too!

We get a look at Bucky Barnes, The Red Guardian, John Walker, and Ghost. Plus, Yelena Belova, of course. This heartbreaking detail about Yelena's new look connects Florence Pugh's Yelena to Scarlett Johansson's Natashaand I'm WEEPING.

Marvel Studios/Walt Disney Studios

And at D23 Brazil, we got a brand new look at my new favorite team. "There’s something in this film, in terms of superpowers and superheroes, that shows that our superpowers lie in how ‘broken’ we are," David Harbour said at the event. "As if our superpowers came from our relationships.”

What is the plot of Thunderbolts?

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Disney

Thunderbolts* Plot

Consider Thunderbolts* to be The Avengers' edgy younger sibling. The movie follows Yelena Belova (who we know off the bat is a "depressed assassin" thanks to a Marvel Studios press release). She's joined by Bucky Barnes, The Red Guardian, and John Walker. Based on a leak, it looks like we'll see this group of misfits team up against Valentina Allegra de Fontaine after she sends them on a deadly mission.

Thunderbolts* Release Date

Jesse Grant/Disney

Thunderbolts* Release Date

Thunderbolts* hits theaters May 2, 2025.

Who's on the Thunderbolts team?

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Disney

Thunderbolts* Cast

Thunderbolts* stars Florence Pugh, Geraldine Viswanathan, Lewis Pullman, Hannah John-Kamen, Wyatt Russell, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Sebastian Stan, and David Harbour.

This is a huge cast, and Viswanathan just revealed how crazy the first day of filming was. “My first day didn’t feel real," she tells Vanity Fair. "I felt this extra pressure of, ‘Know your lines, babe. You can’t really play around like you usually do.’"

Historically, sci-fi fans haven't been kind to actresses in their favorite projects (remember when Star Wars fans bullied Kelly Marie Tran off social media?). But Viswanathan is already thinking ahead. “If it’s overwhelming, I’ll log off. But I like discourse around pop culture,” she says. “[Thunderbolts*] felt a little bit edgier and fresher, more existential and dark.”

Jesse Grant/Disney

The rest of the cast also enjoyed working together. “Everyone is going to f—kin’ love me! It’s really, really, really fun to be with a group of actors that you have a good time with," Wyatt Russell says at Comic Con (via Variety), while David Harbour adds, “Florence Pugh [is] just electric to work with. There’s warmth and humor, but there’s also a lot of pathos.”

“This is why we can't stop laughing together, because we genuinely just had such a wonderful time with each other and we've loved working with one another," Pugh tells People. “I feel like this is something that we've never seen before from Marvel...it's a very open and honest and truthful idea. And I'm just really excited for people to watch it.”

Are you excited for this brand new chapter in the MCU? I really feel like Thunderbolts* will usher in a whole new generation of fans and I, for one, CANNOT WAIT! Let us know your thoughts on Facebook.

Lead images via Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Disney

This post has been updated.