TBH, I have a roster of all-star beauty products I swear by. From the best cream blush to the lipstick I can't stop buying, my routine has officially become effortless. But, what if I told you I've been using an eyeliner that'll make you want to part ways with your tried-and-true favorite? And what if I told you it's so inexpensive that you won't believe how well it works?
Since I have your attention, let's have a nice girl-to-girl chat about the best drugstore eyeliner that didn't leak when I boohoo-cried over a movie recently. 👀
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- The best drugstore eyeliner: e.l.f. Cosmetics No Budge Retractable Eyeliner
- A smudge-proof, felt-tipped favorite: wet n wild Mega Last Breakup Proof Liner
- A waterproof wonder: Milani Stay Put Matte Eyeliner
- For the more detail-oriented: NYX Epic Ink Liner
- A runner-up pencil pick: Maybelline TattooStudio Eyeliner Pencil
Okay, what's the tea on the best eyeliner?
Amazon
The best drugstore eyeliner I've been using is by none other than e.l.f. Cosmetics. I've talked about their amazing Power Grip Primer (a dupe for Milk's Hydro version), but this No Budge Retractable Eyeliner deserves it's own spotlight. I've tried other brands that I thought were good, but a funny incident that counted as an early pregnancy sign is what earned this one's place in makeup kit.
I usually never cry while watching sad movies, but a random movie night in May 2020 ended with me running into the bathroom and bursting into tears over a distressing scene. My fiancé and I were still in the dating phase, so he was confused about what happened, but luckily made sure I was okay. He even commented on the fact that my eyeliner wasn't running down my face which I filed in the back of my mind.
So, how is it so different from other eyeliners you've tried?
Jasmine Williams
I'm glad you asked! e.l.f's No Budge Retractable Eyeliner is considered to be the "ultimate eye pencil" because it's not only waterproof, but it's also retractable. I don't know about you, but I'm not a fan of sharpening eyeliners. It's a personal preference that's led me to something that feels super easy to use.
The other thing I like about it is how smooth it glides onto my water line. I've poked myself in the eye more times than I'd like to admit, but haven't had that problem with this product. It's also incredibly pigmented so I get an amazing color payoff that frames my brown eyes perfectly.
I'm fairly light-handed while applying it because I love a 'softer' look, but you can apply as much pressure as you're comfortable with!
You know I have to ask: how do other customers feel about the best drugstore eyeliner?
Amazon
With other 22,000 reviews on Amazon, this eyeliner has a 4.4 rating where over half of the reviews have given it 5 stars. Why?
- "I love with this eyeliner that it can be a very thin line or a heavy line. You can smudge it and make it very soft. It's very very workable and I love it!"
- "This is very easy to use. It's reasonably priced and I can't tell that it's a cheaper product than those you would find at Sephora. I will definitely be purchasing again."
- "As a 77 year old woman, eye area can be sensitive and I like this eyeliner because it is a softer texture and does not make me stretch my eyes"
- "For a few dollars, I purchased the Elf eyeliner and it is marvelous! It has the richest pigment! Truly, it is a ten, and 'less than ten dollars' and most importantly, cruelty-free!"
- "I finally found an eyeliner that doesn't smudge ! I have hooded eyelids and really struggle with makeup coming off because of the way my eyes are shaped. I wore this eyeliner for a wedding and I didn't have any smears! I loved the color too."
- "Love this Eyeliner! It's perfect and lasts a long time. My new favorite. My other go-tos were letting me down. This is perfect! Goes on smooth, lasts all day, looks good. Worth it!"
Shop The Best Drugstore Eyeliner Here!
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The best drugstore eyeliner: e.l.f. Cosmetics No Budge Retractable Eyeliner
Hopefully the above raving sealed the deal for you on this amazing eyeliner!
More Drugstore Eyeliners I Recommend & Why
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A smudge-proof, felt-tipped favorite: wet n wild Mega Last Breakup Proof Liner
If I wasn't such a fan of a pencil formula, this breakup proof liner would be my go-to. Someone on wet n wild's marketing team knows breakups and tears go together like two peas in a pod so why not create something that's smudge-proof? You won't experience any flaking or cracking with this product either, just 16 pure hours of sharp lines that could do damage if your ex dared to look in your eyes.
Amazon
A waterproof wonder: Milani Stay Put Matte Eyeliner
This eyeliner's bottle lets you know how long you'll be able to wear it which is an added bonus IMO. There's up to 17 hours of waterproof liquid-to-matte formula in this teeny bottle which says a lot. Ever heard of the saying, "Big things come in small packages?" If not, meet the eyeliner that proves how accurate this statement is.
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For the more detail-oriented: NYX Epic Ink Liner
Waterproof and liquid liner may not sound like they go together, but NYX has taken great care to make sure they do. Most customers on Amazon end up keeping it which lets you know how good it is, but I don't mind convincing you a little more.
It has a precise tip to help you achieve the cat eye you've been trying to master for years and dries to a matte finish. Just be mindful not to poke yourself in the eye because it's not as forgiving as a pencil formula!
Amazon
A runner-up pencil pick: Maybelline TattooStudio Eyeliner Pencil
Clearly I just said I don't prefer eyeliners that to be sharpened, but I'll only make an exception if the pencil doesn't have a sharp point in the package. You'll still get the same smooth application as e.l.f's No Budge version, but Maybelline promises to give you up to 36 hours of wear with this product. I haven't worn makeup beyond 24 hours so I can't vouch for that, but it lasts throughout a school or work day.
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Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.
There are so many items cluttering up our homes and lives, and if we're honest, sometimes asking for physical gifts feels like an unnecessary weight to add to the holiday season. All we really need this year is time with the people that our closest to us, and maybe the opportunity to experience something new.
If you're looking for out-of-the-ordinary gift ideas for your friends and family, look no further than these experience gifts. From one-of-a-kind adventures to super easy ideas that will fit into any budget, these experience gifts are sure to make anyone smile.
Experience gift ideas you haven't thought of for 2024:
Brit + Co
Take Them Ice Skating
Ice skating simply makes winter more magical. It also gives us a chance to live out our Ice Princess dreams – but that's beside the point. Even if you don't live somewhere that has an iconic rink like New York City's Rockefeller Center, you can still make it a whole evening with hot chocolate and cozy sweaters.
Buy Them Concert Tickets
Take your best friend or S.O. to their favorite artist's concert for an unforgettable evening. Not only do you get to hear some awesome music, but concerts are always an excuse to get dressed up in a crazy outfit and dance like no one is watching.
Visit An Aquarium
Something about walking around and looking at animals under the sea makes us feel extra calm, and is great for anyone who wanted to be a mermaid as a kid. Our favorites? Otters, beluga whales, and turtles, but we love regular old fish tanks, too. This is a great way to get a taste of summer while it's dang cold outside!
Give Them A B+C Classes Subscription
If your giftee loves to learn, then they'll get a kick out of a subscription to our online classes. There's something for every stage of life, with classes like painting and freelancing to learning how to combat imposter syndrome.
Go Hiking Together
This is one experience gift that is super easy and super affordable to pull off. You can hike in every state in the country (granted, your hikes might look different in the mountains than in a coastal town), plus you can pack a picnic of their favorite foods or grab takeout from their favorite local restaurant.
Pack A Beautiful Picnic
Speaking of picnics, they're on our list of favorite date ideas *and* an ideal way to spend any day. You can hire a picnic service (like this one for NY) to set up your table before you get there, but you can also go all-out yourself by packing a basket with their favorite foods, drinks, books, and flowers. If it's too cold (or it's pouring out!), set up your picnic indoors among some candles and a nostalgic movie.
Book Some Travel
Travel is an experience gift that will rarely disappoint, especially if you're going to a dream destination. There are so many locations all over the world — big cities like London, historical homes like Biltmore, and even filming locations from your favorite TV shows and movies — this is always a good idea. You can also book AirBnB experiences of all kinds for wherever you choose to stay.
Gift A Language Class
With programs like Duolingo and Rosetta Stone, gaining access to other languages is easier than ever right now. It's never too late to pick up something new, whether or not you're living your Emily in Paris dreams. Bon voyage!
Ride A Hot Air Balloon
See the world from a totally new perspective by going up in a hot air balloon. You can take them at different times of day depending on the view that your giftee loves the most (we're always up for a sunrise adventure), and you can even book one that comes with wine.
Host A Photoshoot
This experience gift idea is totally up to interpretation. Whether your best friend or S.O. wants to be a model for a day with fun props and outfits, or your mom has been asking for a family photoshoot for the last few years, this is the perfect opportunity to gift a photoshoot! You can also turn this experience gift idea on its head and gift your family and friends a photography classthey can do from their home.
Bookstore
If your sibling, best friend, or S.O. loves books, take them to their favorite bookstore, buy them a coffee, and let them peruse the shelves for one (or more!) books that they want to get their hands on. This is a super simple idea that will certainly make them smile.
Cooking Class
If you've never taken a cooking or baking class before, then it's definitely time to add that to your list. Not only is it a fun activity that also rewards you with food, but it makes for a great experience gift, especially for recipients who love spending time in the kitchen.
Dinner + Sailing
Rent your own sailing cruise for the evening to get a dining experience that's unlike any other. Eat dinner at sunset or wait until mid-morning for an extra-fun brunch. In addition to a gift idea, this also makes a great date idea. That's a win-win in our book.
Museum
Take your giftee to their favorite museum, and spend an entire day looking at their favorite paintings and sculptures, or reading up on scientific discoveries. This is one gift idea that's great for all ages, and since there are so many different museums across the country, you can have a different experience every time.
A Spa Day
As much as we love doing our own spa day at home, there's no denying that having someone take care of the self-care is really nice from time to time. If gifting a professional massage or facial is in your gift giving budget, just go for it. The relaxation will be well worth it, and your recipient will be thanking you for eternity.From personal experience, we definitely recommend gifting a massage from Hand & Stone, and a facial from HeydayEscape Room
We're big fans of escape rooms, and we're convinced they're fun for anyone who wants to be a spy for an afternoon. It's great for a couple of people or for a whole group of friends, so you can get all your favorite people in on it. Plus not only is it fun, but having a time limit to solve a problem teach you about your communication styles very quickly.
Wine Tastings + Vineyard Tours
Take the wine lovers in your life to a nearby vineyard to experience the wine up close and personal with a wine tour. This is a great way to try multiple wines so you can figure out which one is your favorite.
Learn To Fly
Great for adrenaline junkies and adventure seekers, this experience gift idea takes you right up into the air. Learn to fly a plane or a helicopter over landscapes that you don't usually get to see from the air.
Let us know which experience gifts you'll be giving this year on Twitter and check out our email newsletter for more ideas.
This post has been updated with additional reporting by Meredith Holser.
Acne-prone skin can be as moody as it is sensitive, and finding makeup that doesn't clog your pores can feel maddening. Luckily for us, some finely skilled Reddit users know how to weed through the BS and find just about anything you might need — including the best foundation for acne-prone skin. While other foundations seem to send out a bat signal to inflammation and breakouts, trust me when I say these won't.
Seriously, so many people had the best recommendations, from weightless to full coverage options. Still, it's important to note that not every option will work for everyone. If you want to best understand what foundation fits your skin best, this Master Esthetician (hi, Theonlytruesavage!) commented, "Only an isolated test of that one product can really tell you what works. And I mean 1 isolated product." They suggest trying a single foundation and changing "nothing else in your routine for 30 days at a minimum."
So, if you're looking to make a change and finally find the best foundation for acne-prone skin, look no further! From drugstore to more luxury options, here's what you should try, per our BFFs at Reddit.
Sephora
Tower 28 Broad Speactrum SPF 30 Tinted Sunscreen Foundation
As a huge Tower 28fan, I'm actually surprised I haven't tried this tinted SPF yet. But, after seeing how much the Reddit community loves it, I have complete confidence that it's safe for acne-prone skin. Some important things to note about this fan-favorite are that it's:
- Fragrance-free
- Non-Comedogenic
- Marked safe for people who have acne
- Has natural coverage and light finish
You're essentially getting a lightweight foundation that offers protection from the sun with ingredients like non-nano zinc oxide, prickly pear extract, and white sage extract.
Sephora
Rare Beauty Liquid Touch Weightless Foundation
This community-loved on Sephora — and Reddit — may be the best foundation for acne-prone skin because of it's weightless formula. Also, the botanical blend of lotus, gardenia, and water lily ingredients treat the skin from the inside out. Other important things to note are that this foundation:
- Offers medium coverage
- Has a natural finish
- Is great for oily, combination, and normal skin
Sephora
Pat McGrath Labs Skin Fetish Sublime Perfection Foundation
Here's another weightless foundation you can pick up at Sephora. The formula is a little thinner than most because of it's "serum-like" finish, but that's nothing to be scared of! It has Vita-Serum Complex as well as Diamond Core Powder Technology in it — two things that not only champion hydration, but also creates a "burring, illuminated effect."
Sephora
Nars Soft Matte Complete Foundation
This foundation is for my full-coverage girlies who want to get a glam look that doesn't irritate their skin. This option from Nars got SO many shoutouts on Reddit — probably because it doesn't have things like parabens, formaldehydes, formaldehyde-releasing agents, phthalates, or mineral oil in it, making it an optimal choice. The bio hyaluronic acid, micro-algae extract, and anti-oxidation complex make me want to give it a chance this weekend!
Sephora
Hourglass Ambient Soft Glow Foundation
Weightless foundations can be long-wearing, too — just look at the beloved Hourglass Ambient Soft Glow Foundation. It features light-diffusing pigments, blurring spheres, and more antioxidants that work overtime to keep your skin healthy. If you're still on the fence about trying it, a Sephora survey indicates 87% of people who tried it feels like it "gives a soft-focus finish." Yes please!
Sephora
Lancôme Teint Idole Ultra Wear Foundation
This full-coverage foundation for acne-prone skin is going to keep things matte when you wear it. Apparently the formula was changed so that it became breathable and healthier due to not having any mineral oil in it. This option is:
- Fragrance-free
- Long-wearing
- Matte
Plus, this contains hyaluronic acid — always a plus to get that sweet, sweet serum love!
Sephora
Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood Flawless Filter Foundation
Out of all the foundations we've listed, none of them have claimed to be a "complexion booster" like Charlotte Tilbury's formula. Truthfully it's all in the name — with milled powders and porcelain flower extract, you'll appreciate the glow this foundation adds to your skin.
If you need more beauty recs, follow our Amazon Storefront for everything we love to keep stocked.
Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.
Did you know how common eczema really is? According to the National Eczema Association, "more than 31 million people" are living with this condition — including everyone in my household. If you've been dealing with flare-ups since childhood, you know how irksome it can be to find products that avoid flagging down our body's internal inflammation guide. Anything from extreme temperatures to itchy fabric can make our bodies say, "Attack the part of the body that's in contact with the intruder!" It can be something super small that turns into a fiasco, but we're not condemned to suffer forever.
I've been using the best body wash for eczema all year — Dove's Soothing Relief Body Wash — and I can't wait to dish about it! But, I thought it would be helpful to learn more about the condition and why certain things make it go haywire. Board-certified dermatologists Dr. Heather Woolery-Lloyd and Dr. Kristina Collins were kind enough to share informative answers about eczema, including what they think you should be using if you're tired of not knowing what to use!
- Dr. Woolery-Lloyd is an internationally recognized dermatology and wellness expert who serves as Director of the Skin of Color Division for the University of Miami Department of Dermatology.
- Dr. Collins specializes in Mohs micrographic surgery, as well as surgical and cosmetic surgery, having earning her M.D. as valedictorian from Vanderbilt University.
Check out the best body wash for eczema here:
- Dove Soothing Relief Body Wash
- Vanicream Gentle Body Wash
- Aveeno Skin Relief Body Wash
- Cetaphil Pro Dry Skin Soothing Wash
- CeraVe Soothing Body Wash
- Naturium The Glow Getter Multi-Oil Body Wash
- Kopari Hydrating Body Wash
The Best Body Wash For Eczema-Prone Skin
Target
This fragrance-free body wash stays in my shower not only because it's doesn't have pesky (and irritating) perfumes, but it's also super soothing. I feel like I'm at a spa each time I use it, and I've definitely noticed my skin isn't dry when I get out of the shower. It has a 5% nourishing serum in it along with colloidal oatmeal and was co-created by dermatologists who get it. The best part is that it not only does my skin look better, but I haven't experienced much body acne with it either. Plus, Amazon's customers less likely to return it!
Prior to using this, I was an avid Bath & Body Works body wash user. Before you throw tomatoes at me, I didn't know how much they were affecting my skin until I started doing more research in college. Once I learned better, I stopped using them and haven't looked back.
Another alternative to this is something Dr. Woolery-Lloyd suggests using — Dove's Sensitive Skin Body Wash. I used to use it prior to falling in love with Soothing Relief formula because it's hypoallergenic and equally moisturizing. It's just a little creamier!
Customer Reviews For Dove's Soothing Relief Body Wash
Target
Some of the top reviews on Amazon for this body wash are:
- "I absolutely love this wonderful, silky, smooth, make you feel so sexy type of body wash! I have eczema & to find a body wash that works for me is saying A LOT! For having sensitive skin, I love how this is fragrance free, my skin is smooth & soft, not dry or dried out, not itchy, & great for after shaving, no razor bumps or redness!"
- "This seems to have really improved my skin. It's great for sensitive skin."
- "This has NO SCENT. Not even a weird “unscented” scent- you other itchy folk know what I’m talking about.
Creamy but lathers like a dream and you only need like two pumps! Rinses off easily. Skin doesn’t feel dry or tight or… itchy! Like, at all! I will be ordering this over and over!" - "I have uber sensitive skin and have to be very careful in which products I use. This product feels really nice on my skin and has a positive, moisturizing and calming effect. I would highly recommend."
Other Great Body Washes For Eczema:
Amazon
Vanicream Gentle Body Wash
Dr. Woolery-Lloyd and Dr. Collins both recommend this body wash for those who have eczema: "It's free of dyes, fragrance, lanolin, and other common irritants.This product helps maintain moisture and reduce irritation, making it suitable for regular use," says Dr. Collins.
Amazon
Aveeno Skin Relief Body Wash
Dr. Collins loves Aveeno's Skin Relief Body Wash because it "contains colloidal oatmeal, which is soothing and helps relieve itching."
Amazon
Cetaphil Pro Dry Skin Soothing Wash
"It's soap-free, fragrance-free, and designed for sensitive skin," says Dr. Collins.
More Eczema-Friendly Body Wash Recommendations
Amazon
CeraVe Soothing Body Wash
This body wash has more of an oil consistency because of the Omega Oils found in it. They help to add moisture back to dry skin while Niacinamide helps soothe it if you've been experiencing irritation.
Amazon
Naturium The Glow Getter Multi-Oil Body Wash
This hydrating body wash may start off as an oil, but it quickly forms into a rich, moisturizing lather that we love. Although it's not specifically designed for eczema-prone skin, but the good news is that it works for everyone. It has over 50% glycerin and phyto lipids in to help "maintain healthy skin barrier and acid mantle" so you'll enjoy something luxurious for only $16!
Amazon
Kopari Hydrating Body Wash
This hydrating body wash has moisturizing coconut water and sea kelp in it, making it the vegan option you'll be glad you tried. It also has aloe vera juice in it which helps maintain the skin's collagen.
What is eczema?
Eczema isn't necessarily a secret, but not everyone knows how it's actually defined or characterized. Both Dr. Woolery-Lloyd and Dr. Collins agree that eczema is also referred to as atopic dermatitis. Dr. Collins says, "It's a chronic skin condition characterized by inflamed, itchy, and often red or discolored patches on the skin. It can affect people of all ages but is commonly seen in children." The Asthma & Allergy Network reports "15-20% of children globally" have it which seems to coincide with the CDC discovering "nearly 1 in 5 children have a seasonal allergy." Dr. Woolery-Lloyd adds, "It tends to run in families." This makes sense because my mom had eczema, passed it on to me, and now my son has it!
She also says, "People with mild eczema may experience persistent dryness and itchiness, while more severe cases can lead to painful, cracked, and even bleeding skin." While it's not central to one location, Dr. Woolery-Lloyd says eczema commonly shows up "inside of the elbows, behind the knees, and the face."
Some cases of eczema differs from others, but it can become severe. The reason it exists in the body is because of "a dysfunction in the skin barrier" that leads to "an increased loss of moisture and heightened sensitivity to external irritants, allergens, and microbes," Dr. Collins expounds.
What triggers eczema flare-ups?
I briefly mentioned some things that can trigger eczema flare-ups, but they're not all encompassing. Dr. Collins says, "Eczema flare-ups can be triggered by several factors, including environmental irritants (like certain fabrics, soaps, and fragrances), allergens (such as dust mites, pet dander, and pollen), stress, dry or cold weather, and even certain foods in some individuals."
If your dermatologist suspects you may be allergic to something you're eating, they may want you to take an allergy test. This is how I found out I was allergic to a ton of environmental factors, cats, and dogs! But why does this happen, you ask? "The skin’s barrier function is compromised in eczema-prone individuals, making it more reactive to these external and internal triggers," says Dr. Collins. So, it's rarely your fault when your skin gets triggered!
Dr. Woolery-Lloyd also says "emotional stress can exacerbate eczema symptoms" as well! This is usually my first sign that I'm super stressed or heading towards burnout!
How can someone with eczema care for their skin during cooler months?
My son has been seeing a dermatologist for the past couple of months, and she's made it clear that he needs to not only avoid certain factors (fragrances, itchy fabrics, etc), but she also let us know his skin actually requires we add other elements to his routine, too. Both Dr. Collins and Dr. Woolery-Lloyd want you to stay as moisturized as possible.
Dr. Collins says, "During cooler months, it’s essential to focus on hydrating and protecting the skin barrier." Her tips are to"
- Moisturize regularly with rich, fragrance-free creams or ointments.
- Use a humidifier indoors to combat dry air.
- Take lukewarm showers and avoid hot water, which can further dry out the skin.
- Wear soft, breathable fabrics to avoid irritation, especially when layering.
- Avoid long showers, as prolonged exposure to water can dehydrate the skin.
Dr. Woolery-Lloyd echoes her sentiments. "In the winter, people with eczema should consider switching to a more hydrating moisturizer to combat dry winter skin and prevent an eczema flare. Reapplication of the moisturizer is also important. This is especially important for the hands since taking gloves on and off on windy winter days can cause the hands to be especially vulnerable to dryness and eczema."
In other words, keep your moisturizer handy because you never know when you'll need to reapply it throughout the day!
Which products and ingredients should people with eczema avoid?
Over the years, I've learned that anything that has artificial fragrances in them tends to trigger itchy and splotchy hives. Sometimes they're tiny clusters, but they can look like welts if my skin is super irritated. Dr. Collins says, "Individuals with eczema should avoid products with harsh fragrances, alcohol, sulfates, and synthetic dyes, as these can irritate the skin further." Also, sodium lauryl suflate (SLS) is also good to avoid because it "can strip the skin of its natural oils, exacerbating dryness," explains Dr. Collins. Sadly, she feels you shouldn't use popular "exfoliating ingredients" like salicylic acid or retinoids because they "can be too harsh for sensitive, eczema-prone skin."
A list of other things Dr. Woolery-Lloyd wants you to avoid are:
- Harsh surfactants - Harsh surfactants, such as sodium laureth sulfate (SLES), can strip the skin of its natural oils, leading to dryness and irritation.
- Alcohol - Alcohol can be drying to the skin, which can worsen eczema.
- Essential oils - Essential oils can be irritating to the skin and can trigger a flare-up of eczema.
- Alpha hydroxy acids (AHAs) and Beta hydroxy acids (BHAs) - Acids in skincare can be irritating to eczema-prone skin.
- Dyes - Dyes can sometimes irritate eczema-prone skin and can trigger a flare-up of eczema.
She encourages you to "read product labels carefully."
What are good eczema-friendly body washes?
Amazon
Knowing this, both Dr. Collins and Dr. Woolery-Lloyd want you to use a body wash that's going to cleanse your skin instead of hurting it. "For eczema-prone skin, it’s best to choose gentle, fragrance-free body washes that are formulated to support the skin barrier," says Dr. Collins.
Follow our Amazon Storefront for more beauty products we love!
Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.
With the holidays now approaching almost eerily quickly, you might already be feeling slightly uneasy about the family stresses that are bound to be on your plate (along with delicious Christmas cookies, of course). Spending a lot of time face-to-face with family can dig up old arguments or squabbles that everyone may have forgotten during the rest of the year.
Learn the 8 best ways to support your friend while they're in the middle of family drama
You’re not the only one dealing with the drama, though, and while your own family issues might feel somewhat out of your control, there might be more you can do to take the edge off the stress that your friends are feeling in anticipation of holiday gatherings. Keep scrolling for eight expert tips for how to best offer support to your most stress-ridden BFFs.
1. Listen without judging if your friend reveals an ongoing argument about a family will
Being a good listener is one of the most basic — and yet most important — things you can do as a friend 365 days of the year, but when tensions run high near the holidays, those listening skills become all the more crucial. You might even consider resisting the urge to speak, like, at all. “Be a good listener and don’t give advice,” licensed marriage and family therapist Katie Ziskind says. “Supporting someone doesn’t mean that you have to fix their problem. Instead, truly being supportive means giving a hug when someone is crying and being a caring friend.”
2. Prep your pal to expect drama if your uncle's invited his new girlfriend and ex to dinner
Rather than reassuring your friend that things at family celebrations may not be as bad as they fear, trust what they know about the situation and help them wrap their head around what’s to come. This should minimize the stress for them in the long run. “If you expect it and it happens, situation normal,” certified life coach Susan Golicic tells us. “If you expect it and it doesn’t, well, then, a bonus!”
3. Help your bestie make a plan in case their fight-or-flight mode gets triggered
Going into any situation with a plan almost always feels better than going in unprepared. Per writer, speaker, and healing expert Alisa Zipursky, a helpful plan might include specific check-in times, a code word that indicates your friend needs extra support, and ideas for creating healthy boundaries with family members who make them feel especially triggered. “The idea is to make asking for help as easy as possible,” Zipursky says. “Making sure a proactive plan is in place well before someone enters the stressful situation can help relieve some of the anticipatory anxiety.”
4. Check in often by sending your friend periodic texts
Licensed counselor Maria Inoa recommends that you prioritize regular touch-base texts over the course of whatever event is causing your friend the most stress. It’s not about solving the conflicts or taking away their pain. Instead, you can focus on offering gentle reminders that you are thinking of them and are available if they need you.
5. Create a new tradition that revolves around you and and your bestie's favorite Christmas movies
If your friend’s family holiday celebrations don’t exactly inspire positive feelings about the occasion, why not help them establish some better associations? Licensed clinical professional counselor Anna Poss suggests planning a “low-stress, fun way to celebrate with each other before or after the actual holiday.” Get a seasonal movie night or cookie swap on the calendar before everyone leaves town to hang with family. Those cozy vibes may help dull the negative, anxious feelings.
6. Write down words of affirmations for them to look at
Grab some pretty stationery and put your love and support on paper for your BFF. “In the note, remind her how strong, courageous, and capable she is,” licensed psychotherapist and life coach Diane Petrella says. “Let her know how much you love and admire her and how grateful you are for her friendship. Write whatever you think your friend needs to hear to feel supported, grounded, and loved.” Remind her to hide the note in her pocket or bag so she can read it whenever she needs a little extra TLC over the course of the holidays. You can even go one step further and send them home with a care package, per therapistShannon Thomas.
7. Invite your friend to your family celebration
If things have gotten so bad with your bestie’s family that she wants to steer clear of their celebrations entirely, you may want to invite her to join you and your crew instead. Even if she opts to decline your invitation, it will mean a lot to her to know that she has choices. If your friend does take you up on the offer, Mountainside Treatment Center‘s family wellness manager Tina Muller recommends that you try to incorporate some of her favorite traditions into your holiday schedule.
8. Keep your phone nearby if your friend needs to talk about everything that happened
“Before an event with possible family issues even happens, schedule a time not long after to see the friend,” marriage and family therapist Sarah Epstein suggests. “Now you’ve become the light at the end of the tunnel for them.” Be prepared to be a listening ear over dinner or a workout session so your pal can vent about everything that’s gone on and (hopefully) be ready to move on from there.
How do you and your pals support each other through the not-so-fun parts of the holidays? Tweet us @BritandCo.
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