Picture this: You've just received one of the best wedding invitations of all time — to be your best friend's Maid of Honor! You can barely contain your excitement as you quickly skim over the gilded words, and you should be so excited because your status has officially been solidified in the bride's eyes. She likely trusts you with everything, hence why she's also asking you to prepare a Maid of Honor speech.
While you may be panicking about what to say, don't worry! I'm sure your amazing sense of humor, big heart, and impeccable way with words will ultimately shine. But there are some embarrassing things you probably shouldn't mention during your toast, especially given how stress and anxiety can make us say awkward or offensive things unintentionally.
Thankfully, Brittny Drye, Wedding Expert and Editor-in-Chief/Founder of Love Inc. Magazine, is here to help you avoid any mishaps! Here are 12 embarrassing things Drye thinks you should avoid in your maid of honor speech!
1. Singling Out The Bride
Jonathan Nenemann
Witnessing your best friend, cousin, or sister get married is sure to make you sentimental because you've probably known them since childhood. But, this isn't the time to solely focus on the love you have for the bride.
"Make the toast about the couple as an entity … not just one person. Even if you find yourself a bit in the dark about your best friend's new spouse, or just not really knowing them on that deep of a level in general, that's okay," Drye says. This also applies if you don't like the other person. 👀
She also says you can echo things you've learned about about the new spouse "over the last several months/years" so that you can highlight the newlyweds in a positive way. "The couple is beginning this next phase in their lifelong journey together, and you should think of your toast as a loving send-off to both of them as a package deal."
2. Mentioning Embarrassing Stories
Los Muertos Crew
We get it. You've had a front row seat to the bride's shenanigans over the years and keep a mental photo book of every embarrassing moment she's had.
"Avoid overly embarrassing anecdotes, especially those that might make the couple or guests uncomfortable. There is a time and place for funny story-swapping, but this ain't it," Drye says.
Though you may think it's hilarious, talking about the time the bride pooped her pants during a hike isn't something everyone may want to hear. We're sure she's been trying to forget ever since it happened, so leave this between the two of you...and nature.
3. Bringing Up Exes Or Past Situations
Josh Willink
The thought that someone might mention the bride's previous relationships — or even flings — make us turn red with second-hand embarrassment! According to Drye, it's a huge no-no during your Maid of Honor speech!
Drye says, "Stay clear of mentioning any of the couple’s past relationships or exes—it’s awkward and unnecessary. The toast should be about the couple and their life together -- not digging up past flames."
Seriously, the bride's parents don't need to know about any hot hookups, nor do they want to be reminded of the one person that continuously broke their child's heart. Let's leave those comments for your next girls' night debrief!
4. Making Inside Jokes
Los Muertos Crew
Inside jokes are cool! Most people develop them without even trying, which is what makes them so personal. But that's it — sometimes they're just too personal. "While inside jokes can be funny, they can alienate guests who aren’t in on them," Drye says.
That doesn't mean Drye thinks you can't have a little fun, though. You can mention "one inside joke for the couple," but save overly "cryptic" funny moments for one-on-one conversations.
5. Choosing The Wrong Time To Be A Comedian
Kari Bjorn Photography
There's a reason Drye keeps advising you to steer clear of too many hilarious moments during your Maid of Honor speech. "It's really staggering how many people think that the wedding toast has to be a comedy act! Of course, everyone loves to laugh, but if you're trying hard to be funny ... guess what? You're usually not," she says.
It may sound harsh, but I wish more people had someone to steer them away potentially embarrassing moments like this. You may be known for a being a lot of things, but it's important to also know your own limits.
Drye notes, "If on-cue humor is not your niche, don't force it. Take the opportunity to just do you." There's a reason you were chosen to be the bride's Maid of Honor, so embrace that instead of the amateur hour comedy routine no one asked for.
6. Mentioning Tense Family Dynamics
Los Muertos Crew
Weddings can highlight tense family dynamics on their own — that one cousin that's not invited, the overbearing mother-in-law, etc — but your job isn't to verbally point them out. "Don’t bring up family tensions, divorces, or any sensitive issues related to family or friends. This has never, ever served well in the history of wedding toasts," Drye says.
Let's avoid making people uncomfortable, please!
7. Reminiscing About Wild Party Days
RDNE Stock project
TBH, we'd cry if someone brought up our past party days during our weddings. Although we probably have fond memories of them, we don't want our grandparents to know we shotgunned a beer with a stranger on the street that one time.
"Stories about wild college parties, bachelorette antics, or any instances involving excessive drinking or risky behavior might be entertaining for a small circle but can come off as cringe for a wedding crowd that includes parents, grandparents, and possibly children," Drye says.
Even if you're the Maid of Honor at a wedding that has a 'no children' policy, leave those memories buried for the time being. In the words of Drye, it's "not a good look" to mention them!
8. Picking At Negative Qualities Of The Bride And Groom
Dimitri Kuliuk
Everyone will send you to a Passive-Aggressives Anonymous meeting if you use your speech to poke at the bride or groom's negative qualities. Their wedding isn't an indicator that anyone thinks they're perfect, but it's also THEIR day. Let's not make them the butt of every joke, okay?
"It's a wedding toast, not a wedding roast. Even in jest, avoid highlighting negative traits or annoying habits of the newlyweds," says Drye. She encourages you to "keep the tone positive and uplighting" by only "highlighting the qualities that make them...incredible persons and friends."
In other words, don't make the bride regret choosing you to be her Maid of Honor.
9. Complaining About Wedding Costs
Liza Summer/Pexels
We know weddings can be pricey and have even talked about how to decline being a bridesmaid to one if you're budgeting. But if you choose to be the bride's maid of honor, you're accepting whatever comes with that. "Comments about how much things cost, who paid for what, or financial situations are tacky and should be avoided," Drye reminds.
You may want to check in with yourself before your speech so that you don't let your personal feelings or situation interfere with your toast.
10. Expressing Too Much Gratitude
Al Elmes
There's a reason why awards shows start playing music when the winner's oh-so grateful speech is long-winded. It serves as a polite reminder for them to "wrap it up" so there's not any lags in the program.
"While it’s nice to thank people, it’s best not to go overboard — keep the focus on the couple. You'll quickly lose people's interest if you're just listing names," says Drye.
Remember, keep it short and cute!
11. Using Crude Language
Marcel Strauß
We shouldn't have to mention this, but some people seem to think there's no problem with potty language in front of everyone they meet. Drye says, "Avoid crude jokes, swearing, or anything that could offend older guests or young children. Keep it classy!"
It's only for one day, so you'll survive if you're not saying your favorite curse word every other sentence.
12. Predicting The Couple's Future
Jonathan Borba
This socially accepted thing is actually one of the red flags we should collectively toss to the side. It always starts with, "What are your plans after college" and ends with, "So when are you getting married or having kids?" Everyone's not always up to hear or answer these questions so don't use your speech as a time to make your own predictions about the couple.
"Making predictions, like when they’ll have kids or how their lives will unfold, can feel presumptuous and pressure-filled. (Not to mention the general fact that no one should ever comment on someone else's decision/ability to have/not to have children!)," Drye says.
What you can do is "wish them happiness and a bright future." Basically, leave out the weird specifics!
Looking for more wedding advice? Here's our take on wedding guests wearing white!
Header image via Seljan Salimova
