18 Things You Need to Purge from Your Life

Whatever your goal is — whether it’s to read more, Netflix less, find an awesome new job, or finally use your cute yoga pants to actually practice yoga — we’re all trying to make every day the most positive, productive, and fulfilling we can. But while making plans to create new positive habits is a must, to really make this year (and every year) great, we also have to purge our lives of some of our not-so-wonderful habits and unnecessary junk. From ditching annoying vocabulary fillers to deleting gigabyte-wasting apps, here are 18 things we’re getting rid of to kick-start our lives.

1. Workouts You Hate: We’re constantly trying to making working out a priority. But just because we’re dusting off our workout gear and repurchasing our gym pass doesn’t mean we’re going to waste our time with workouts that we despise. To help us actually build sustainable healthy habits, we’re nixing all the workouts that we hate and making it a point to find workouts that we actually enjoy (and will stick to).

2. Old Emails That Clog Your Inbox: We’re all guilty of letting our personal and professional emails run rampant over time. But it’s time to sort out all of your newsletters, blasts, and queries that are cluttering your inbox. Trust us: You’ll feel so accomplished once “1,345 new emails” transforms into “no new messages.”

3. Self-Doubt: With so many folks challenging themselves in their career and personal life, we honestly don’t have time to get bogged down with self-doubt. Whether it’s listening to inspirational and affirming podcasts or a doing a quick meditation before starting your workday, we’re nixing self-doubt by filling our lives with positivity, confidence, and HBIC vibes.

4. Clothes You Haven’t Worn in Six Months: Despite having every intention to eventually wear that ill-fitting but cute-ish dress in the back of your closet, make the time to clean out your wardrobe of all the things you haven’t worn in the past six months. Go ahead and keep your swimsuit and flip-flops (we promise; summer is coming back eventually!) but donate everything that you honestly won’t wear again. If you need some inspiration, we tried the KonMari method to tidy up a closet, and it was quite successful. (Photo via Getty)

5. Clunky DVD Cases: Going over to your friends’ houses and raiding their VHS and DVD collection was one of the highlights of every teenage movie night across the country in the 2000s. But as streaming services and digital downloads become increasingly popular, we’re ditching our physical libraries for digital ones instead. Netflix and iTunes all have more than enough digital rental options to keep you entertained for the year. And for all those movies you already own and can’t seem to part with, Movies Anywhere is a service that combines all of your purchased films from Disney, Warner Bros., Sony, Universal, and Fox into one easy-to-use platform that allows you to watch your movies — you guessed it — anywhere. By combining all of the digital codes in your Blu-ray discs with all of your digital movies from iTunes, Google Play, and Vudu, it simplifies the entire movie storing process so you can expand your film library exponentially without clutter.

6. Losing Precious Sleeping Hours Because of the ‘Gram: How many times have you budgeted enough time for a rejuvenating eight-hour sleep only to spend a ridiculous amount of time mindlessly scrolling through Instagram and catching up with your fave Instagram Stories? Well, we’re ditching this ludicrous habit and creating relaxing winding-down habits instead that’ll help quiet our minds so we can get the revitalizing sleep we need to wake up fresh and conquer the day.

7. Unwanted Apps on Your Phone: We love filling out phones with the latest trendy apps, but if you haven’t used an app in more than three months, it just isn’t worth its weight in gigabytes. Make room for something by deleting your one-time-use app downloads ASAP.

8. Old Makeup: While checking the expiry date on your grocery items is second nature, we also have to be conscious of the expiry date of our makeup if we want fresh and acne-free skin in the new year. Take a look through your vanity and throw out any old beauty products that are grubby or expired. The general rule of thumb is six months for mascara and liquid liner and 12 months for foundation, bb cream, eyeshadow, and lip products. If you want more details about when your specific makeup product expires, check out the free Beauty Keeper app to access expiry dates for more than 830 beauty brands.

9. Unnecessary and/or Broken Cords and Chargers: We’re all guilty of holding onto cords and chargers that we don’t actually need for anything. To help us stay organized, we’re tossing all our cords that either no longer have a purpose or have been frayed, chewed on, or smashed beyond repair.

10. Every Bridesmaid Dress You’ve Every Purchased: Even though we’ve shelled out a ton of hard-earned money for bridesmaid dresses over the years, we’re taking a lesson from Jane in 27 Dresses and not letting these frilly garments steal an entire closet in our teeny apartment. Instead, we’re donating all of our questionable bridesmaid dresses, prom attire, and old formal wear that we’re never going to wear again and reclaiming our closet space for things we actually love.

11. Old Recorded Shows on Your DVR: Hunkering down to binge TV is one of our favorite after-work activities, but wading through our long list of DVR recordings is an unnecessary chore. So we’re taking the time to sort out the DVR list, and we’re getting rid of everything we’ve already watched, programs taped by our exes, and anything that we’re never realistically going to get around to watching.

12. Guilt for Not Accomplishing Your Goals and Resolutions: It’s easy to feel guilty for minor setbacks to any goals you set. But we’re nixing that negativity from our lives and focusing on all the things we did accomplish and giving ourselves some slack for all the times we fudge up a little.

13. Instagram Envy and FOMO: While Instagram is an awesome place to find countless inspiration and keep up with our friends across the globe, we’re totally guilty of getting envious of people’s “Instagram-perfect lives” as they showcase their best life on the ‘gram for everyone to see. This year we’re making it a point to remember that Instagram is a highlight reel of people’s lives and we never truly know what’s going on with the people we follow beyond the screen… so we’re nixing FOMO and concentrating on finding motivation and inspiration on social media instead of comparing and judging ourselves against the rest of the internet.

14. Saying “Umm” and “Like” Way Too Often: Time is money. We’re projecting ourselves as the confident bosses we are, which means cutting out annoying filler words like “umm” and “like” for good.

15. Being Constantly Available for Everything:Self-care is important, but it usually gets tossed aside when we’re super busy. Even if your emails are clogging your inbox and you have 20 invites to important events that you should probably attend, we’re getting rid of the idea that we have to be available to everyone all the time. Whether it’s taking a full digital detox or making a promise to stop checking work emails after 6pm, we’re giving ourselves permission to saying no to things for the sake of our mental health.

16. Old Puppy or Kitty Toys: Your pup adores all of his toys, but with all the goodies he’s got, his toy box is starting to look more like a toy mountain. Your local animal shelter will appreciate any animal toys, bedding, or extra food that your pet is no longer using.

17. Toxic Friendships or Relationships: It’s tough to cut people out of your lives, but we’re making a commitment to break-up with toxic friends, acquaintances, workplaces, and romantic partners that are more like quicksand than soil.

18. Old Spices: Like every other perishable item in your kitchen, spices have an expiration date. If they’ve lost their smell or taste, it’s time to give your spices the boot. Refresh your kitchen with new herbs and spices to make your dishes explode with flavor.

What are you getting rid of this year? Tweet us by mentioning @BritandCo.

(Featured photo via Getty)

December always has a way of sneaking up on us with a frenzy of cute holiday decorating, festive gatherings, and dreaming up the best gifts for our besties. If this month has you feeling more frazzled than festive, don’t worry—we’ve got you (and them) covered.

Charles Chocolates

Charles Chocolates Winter Fleur de Sel Collection

We partnered with Charles Chocolates, the award-winning artisanal chocolate brand, to create a gift guide filled with unique and just-a-little-bit bougie finds, because everyone deserves to treat themselves once in a while, holiday season or not! From a plushy robe and scented candles to a box of the most creative handmade chocolates, including a chocolate box you can actually eat, these picks are perfect for everyone on your list — and maybe even a little treat for yourself.

Score a FREE Charles Chocolates Bar when you spend $25 or more!

The Coffee Lover

Brit + Co

Charles Chocolates Winter Collection Edible Chocolate Box

These coffee-lover gifts, including a colorful French Press and adorbs mug, are sure to perk up your day — and theirs! Pair your morning cup with a delicious piece of handmade chocolate for the ultimate sensory experience. You can literally eat the box in this Winter Collection from Charles Chocolates filled with Fleur de Sel Caramels, Peanut Butterflies and Milk Chocolate Caramels. SO good!

Featured:

The Cozy Homebody

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Charles Chocolates Holiday Collection

For the pal who loves to stay in and get cozy, here’s a cute kettle for steeping her favorite tea, some cozy wears, and Charles Chocolates Holiday Collection with flavors like Pecan Fleur de Sel Caramel, Cinnamon Spice Truffle, Orange Zest Truffle, and Maple Truffle. Charles Chocolates are all natural so it’s real chocolate vs. a sugary (read: cheap) substitute. The flavors are so unique and fun to taste-test. It’s the perfect gift for when you’re feeling indoorsy!

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Your Holiday Crush

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Charles Chocolates Peppermint Bark

Sneak a fancy chocolate bar, like Charles Chocolates Peppermint Bark Bar, made with homemade peppermint candy, in your S.O.’s stocking, plus some essentials for the camper, music lover, and beanie wearer!

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The Sweet Tooth

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Charles Chocolates Bittersweet Chocolate Santa

Sweet tooth be gone with Charles Chocolates Bittersweet Chocolate Santa Clause. This thing is not small, weighing in at 3 lbs. of deliciously rich chocolate. Adults will actually enjoy this vintage-style Santa as much as kids! Pair with a bottle of wine dressed in an adorable bow, a cake stand candle (so cute!), darling dessert plates, and/or a baking lover’s cookbook! Toss some mint chocolate almonds in stockings too!

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Your Jewish Bestie

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Charles Chocolates Hanukkah Collection Edible Chocolate Box

There’s a lot of talk about Christmas this time of year, but not all of our friends celebrate. And this year, Hanukkah starts on Christmas day so we can celebrate together! Gift your bestie who celebrates the Festival of Lights with this Hanukkah Collection Edible Chocolate Box filled with flavors like Fleur de Sel Caramel, Passion Fruit Heart, Espresso Caramel, and Meyer Lemon Yankee. They might also enjoy a new cookbook celebrating their heritage, cozy slippers, jewelry, and an artful wine decanter for the holidays. Candle-lighting matches are a perfect stocking stuffer or White Elephant gift too!

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Score a FREE Charles Chocolates Bar when you spend $25 or more!

When it comes to New Year's Eve celebrations, the first thought that probably springs to mind is boozing it up with an NYE cocktail. And while there's nothing wrong with sipping some bubbly (if that's your inclination), those of us who prefer to keep thingsnon-alc may feel like there are no New Year's-appropriate activities for our preferences. We say that nothing could be further from the truth! Whether you're pregnant, abstaining, or just taking a break from the booze, here are 10 fun ideas for ringing in 2025, the sober way.

Attend A Silent Disco

A few years ago, just as the sober-curious movement was gaining steam, companies like Daybreaker brought 6 a.m. sober dance parties to the masses. In a similar vein are remote silent discos – events where you put your headphones on and dance it out to the music of world-class DJs right in the comfort of your own home (or in person, if you feel like venturing out).

A quick Google search will reveal that there are tons of options to shake it off on New Year's Eve, whether remotely or in-person in your city. Because silent discos have an alternative vibe, they're much more sober-friendly than traditional clubs and dance parties.

Make A Tea Bar

Photo by Jill Wellington / PEXELS

If you've ever been to a party where they had aProsecco bar or something similar, you know how fun themed bars can be. Why not make a NA equivalent with a tea bar? We're not just talking about hot water and tea bags... include exciting staples like bubble tea, kombucha, Southern-style sweet iced tea, and more!

Do A Goal-Setting Ritual

Brit + Co

Not in the mood to party this year? Celebrate the New Year with some introspection by doing a goal-setting ritual. You can design the ritual in whatever manner you like, but we recommend something along the lines of:

  • Light a candle and sit quietly for a few minutes.
  • Whip out your journal and take inventory of the last year: What were your best memories? What are you grateful for? Where do you think you could've improved?
  • In your journal (we have some killer prompts to start you off), mindfully list out your goals for 2025. They don't have to be New Year's resolutions, exactly, but include small steps you can take in the new year to help you achieve your goals!

Make A 2025 Scrapbook

Brit + Co

Before New Year's Eve, head to your local craft store and pick up some supplies for making an old-fashioned scrapbook. Print out some photos from your most treasured memories of the year (we like printing with Walgreens), and gather any magazines you purchased or journal entries you wrote.

You can also look up some news headlines that made an impact on you, and print out the article as well as photos of any notable celebs or politicians who made the news. On New Year's eve, put together a scrapbook of what made 2024, 2024.

Good, bad, or otherwise, the year was one to remember — so create a momento that will help you re-live the past year in the years to come.

Plan A Costume Party

Brit + Co

Believe it or not, masquerade balls, dressing up in costumes, and concealing one's identity have a long history in the historical celebrations of Christmastime. So we think a New Year's costume party is a fully appropriate idea for a sober New Year's Eve.

Who needs booze to have fun when you can dress up as whoever you want for a night of merriment and mystery?

Karaoke It Up

Photo by Mikhail Nilov / PEXELS

Another fun party pastime that's fun with or without booze? Singing! Grab some friends for a sober karaoke night either at your house or a private karaoke room. The singing's bound to be better than it would be if you were imbibing... who knows, maybe you'll steal the show with your rendition of "I'm Just Ken."

Cook A Fancy Meal

Whether you're spending the evening with your S/O or your BFF, cook a fancydinner for two. New Year's Eve is the perfect time to get fancy with food, so use this opportunity to ring in 2025 with only the finest cuisine. Don't forget to make a mocktail to go with!

Host A Game Night

Brit + Co

Bring all your besties over and host a board game night that's sure to be one for the books. Have everyone bring their favorite game – from Cards Against Humanity to Codenames – for a riotous evening that will remind you that you absolutely don't need booze to have a rowdy night of laughter!

Play 2024 Trivia

Photo by Askar Abayev / PEXELS

Before New Year's Eve, compile a long list of trivia questions about 2024. Alternatively, have a friend do it for you, or do a quick Google search... there are a lot of trivia quizzes out there. On the big night, gather your squad together to see how much you remember about 2024. The results may surprise you!

Host A Murder-Mystery Dinner

Image via Amazon

Murder-mystery dinners are still one of the best ways to facilitate a heart-racing and mind-boggling party. Pick up one of the many murder mystery dinner kits out there and have your besties over for a night of thinking on your toes — to be fair, it's probably best to skip the booze for this idea anyway, for the sake of your mental acuity.

Are you planning a sober New Year's Eve party this year? Tweet us @BritandCo to share your plans, and don't forget to subscribe to our newsletter for more booze-free hacks and party ideas!

Brit + Co. may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations. This post has been updated.

Everyone deals with family issues, but some people had more dysfunctional childhoods than others. Are there ways to tell? According to family psychologist Caitlin Slavens of Mamapsychologistsand therapist Rachel D. Miller, Ph.D., LMFT of Hold The Vision Therapy, yes!

Slavens says, "As a family psychologist, I’ve seen how growing up in a dysfunctional family leaves its mark. Sometimes the signs are glaring, like obvious chaos or neglect." However, she said the signs can also be "more subtle" being that they're "things you don’t even realize were 'off' until you’re older." You may even "start noticing patterns in yourself or your relationships" if you've become retrospective, according to her.

Here are all the subtle signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Emma Bauso

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

August de Richelieu

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

Kaboompics.com

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

cottonbro studio

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Ketut Subiyanto

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

Ksenia Chernaya

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

Ron Lach

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

  1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
  2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
  3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

  1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
  2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
  3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Antoni Shkraba

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Anastasia Shuraeva

Slavens' tips include the following:

  1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
  2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
  3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
  4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
  5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.

Slavens' final thoughts? "It’s not about blaming your family but recognizing how your experiences shaped you — and giving yourself permission to do things differently. You’re allowed to rewrite the script."

Visit the top signs to recognize if you have toxic friends on Brit + Co!

As fun as Trader Joe’s snacks and desserts are, there’s one aisle you definitely should not skip – and that’s their plant section. Trader Joe’s is constantly stocking up on blooms like orchids and monsteras, all of which are easy to take care of once they make it home from the store.

Any houseplant lover knows the easiest of all easy houseplants is the famed pothos. I can water mine (I have about 5 pothos plants) once every two weeks, and they will. not. die. Right now, Trader Joe’s is selling pothos for cheap – but not just any pothos. They currently come along with a stunning hanging pot that you’ll instantly want to put up in your home.

Scroll on to discover more about this unique Trader Joe’s plant find!

@traderjoesobsessed

That’s right – Trader Joe’s shelves now include disco ball hanging planters. I repeat: disco ball hanging planters! The sphere-shaped pot is covered in reflective disco tiles that’ll certainly make your living room feel like a dance club. The best part is that pothos plants naturally look amazing when they’re grown hanging, so you can watch this baby flourish all year long.

@traderjoesobsessed

TJ’s fan account @traderjoesobsessed recently spotted the disco ball hanging planters at their local Trader Joe’s and shared the new find with their Instagram followers. Tons of them chimed in about their excitement for the product in the comments!

“I need this now😍,” one person commented.

“The way I gasped when I saw this 😍🪩,” another said.

“I bought one today and totally love it👍,” someone else commented.

“I suddenly need to buy more plants,” one more person wrote.

Several shoppers in the comment section noted that they were able to track down the disco ball hanging planters pretty easily, while others reported that they haven’t seen them in their stores quite yet. This is your sign to keep an eye out on your next TJ’s trip!

Reddit

@traderjoesobsessed reports that the disco ball hanging planters go for $12.99 in stores. Their affordable price makes them such a great gift for yourself or a loved one, plus the sparkles on the disco ball are perfect for livening up your space for a New Year’s refresh.

Run to TJ’s soon – I know I will!

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By now, you may be able to recognize signs of gaslighting or other toxicbehaviors, but do you know how to take everything you've learned and become a super compatible couple? According to experts, there are a few key things super compatible couples rarely argue about — even with whatever faults each person brings to the relationship table. While the topics these couples avoid may not surprise you, the reason why they're able to avoid them might. But first, let's talk about what makes couples more compatible than others.

Dr. Brooke Keels, Ph.D., LPC-MHSP, LPC-Supervisor, Chief Clinical Officer at Lighthouse Recovery, has this to say: "Couples are compatible when they share similar values, goals, and know the best way to communicate with each other." Notice she didn't say these couples are just alike.

More so, she explains that "it's about how well they handle differences, whether they can support each other through tough times, and how they connect emotionally." Dr. Keels adds, "when there’s respect, trust, and a good balance of give-and-take between them?" Dr. Keels believes this gives couples a better chance "to be in sync."

Scroll down to see the topics you'll rarely hear compatible couples arguing about!

RDNE Stock project

1. Long-term goals like marriage aren't often a cause for concern.

Have you ever dated someone that made you wonder what you saw in them once you pay attention to certain red flags? You may have found yourself arguing with them about everything from religion to reproductive health, leaving you feeling dizzy afterwards. But Dr. Keels says compatible couples are more likely to be aligned on "whether they want the same things out of life."

Her examples include:

  • Relocating for careers
  • Family planning
  • Finding somewhere to settle down in general (i.e. apartment, condo, different state, close to family, etc.,)

"This common ground lessens the chance of fighting over these big topics," Dr. Keels reiterates.

Vlada Karpovich

2. There's a lesser chance arguments about weekend activities occur.

We're no strangers to indecisive moments where we couldn't agree about what to do on the weekends with our partners, but Dr. Keels says compatible couples don't always run into this issue. "When you enjoy similar activities or have overlapping hobbies, you're more like to find ways to unwind together, rather than feeling disconnected or frustrated by each other's choices," she adds.

While it varies from couple to couple, you and your partner may enjoy the following:

  • Buying tickets to watch the latest college basketball or football game
  • Going to a 'Paint and Sip' class for fun
  • Having a mini outdoor picnic
  • Visiting a national park if it's on your couple's bucket list
  • Spending a day at a local arcade

The possibilities are endless, but all that matters is that "this mutual understanding makes spending time together feel natural and fun," according to Dr. Keels.

Mikhail Nilov

3. Communication styles aren't causing a daily disruption.

Some people have a more direct way of communicating while others may be passive or even passive-aggressive. Less arguments aren't happening because compatible couples communicate the same however. "When they both understand each other's communication style — whether it's direct or more subtle — it helps avoid misunderstandings and frustration."

Here's a couple of examples:

  • If you're having a bad day that has nothing to do with your partner, they don't take it personal when you prefer some alone time.
  • If your partner says something they perceived to be a joke, but you didn't, you're less likely to immediately accuse them of being insensitive. Instead, there's a higher chance of asking what they mean by something and expressing why you didn't like it instead of arguing.

Compatible couples "know how to express their feelings and needs in a way that the other person can easily understand" which makes "it easier to resolve issues calmly," according to Dr. Keels.

Alex Green

Are couples better (or more compatible) because they don't have a lot of arguments?

Well, no. That's actually a stretch because everyone has arguments. "Even compatible couples can argue about everyday things like chores or schedules. No matter how well they get along or how "in sync" they are, little annoyances can still pop up here and there, and cause some tension between them," Dr. Keels shares. "The difference," she points out, "is that they're usually better at handling these moments and keeping them from turning into bigger problems."

The other thing she's seen couples argue about is money. "It's such a common stress point because everyone has different habits and priorities when it comes to spending or saving," she says. But, guess what? "Compatible couples tend to approach the conversation with more understanding and a willingness to find a compromise," she continues.

If you feel like you and your partner aren't on the same page, it may not be time to break up just yet. We've learned that that it can take time to effectively communicate with a romantic partner or understand them. Compatibility is great, but it's not an indicator that a relationship will be smooth sailing!

Keira Burton

How can I have healthier disagreements with my partner?

Like we said, getting to a point where you and your partner aren't consistently hurting each other's feelings during disagreements takes time as well as skill. No one's born knowing all the answers so don't think your relationship is over because you're still figuring things out.

Dr. Keels says one way you and your partner can work on the kind of disagreements you're having is by "knowing how to communicate/compromise." Look, we heard your sigh and know it's probably the antithesis of how you feel. We struggled with compromising, but you don't get far in life thinking that everyone else has to bend to your will all the time.

"Even if they don’t see eye to eye all the time, healthy couples listen to each other's perspectives, and look for solutions that work for both of them. It’s not about 'winning' the argument and getting to say who's right, but finding common ground so they can move forward together," adds Dr. Keels.

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Also, "staying respectful event when things get heated or when you're upset" is a way to have a productive arguments, according to Dr. Keels. What happens is that "healthy couples avoid yelling or saying hurting things during disagreements," she says. This means no cursing or raising voices to the point your next door neighbors feel they have to call the police to do a wellness check on you.

"Instead, they just focus on the real problem and stay calm, which helps them work through the issue without hurting each other and the relationship," Dr. Keels says. And in the event you and your partner can't find common ground in a given moment? She highly suggests you "take breaks or pause when things get too heated."

Couples who do this "know when to step away and cool off before continuing the conversation," she adds. There are times where it's difficult to have a proper conversation when you're anxious or angry, so it's always better to revisit the topic.

Dr. Keels agrees and says, "This gives them a chance to cool down first so they can properly think things through, and think of a solution that works for both of them without saying anything they might regret."

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