11 Common Household Items to Get Rid of in 2017

I Intentionally Dubbed 2024 My Personal Victory Year

I, like so many others, woke up on January 1st and decided it would be my year. I set intentional resolutions, goals, and even made sure to be specific about them. Similar to how I write in-depth articles, I broke them into the following sections:

• Motherhood
• Relationships
• Career
• Wellbeing
• Spiritual

It's the first year I decided to listen to my heart's desires in order to capture a screenshot of the life I want to live. I even prayed over my resolutions and goals, asking to be guided as I accomplished things or were led to them. As February rolled around, I didn't really think twice about the impact of what I'd done because life started to fall into a familiar hum that becomes mundane after a while.

I guess I needed to be reminded of the intentional goals I'd written down because things got painfully interesting after this.

My First Adult Car Was Totaled

Car accidents are never fun as I've been on the receiving end of one before, but this wasn't like before. This time I was emotionally hurt to learn the first car I'd assumed total responsibility for was no longer going to be mine. Though I knew I was lucky no one was seriously harmed, all I could think about is the morning I paid it off. I had every reason to spend the nice bonus I received from my last job, but I decided paying off my car mattered more in that moment.

This is the car that took me from my parents' home to living on my own, trips out of town, and days spent buckling a newborn into his carseat. For 8 years, this car and I were locked in like besties. It truly felt like we'd grown up together so to have it ripped away so suddenly was heartbreaking.

Even though the SUV I got was aligned with everything my fiancé and I were talking about, I couldn't appreciate it for a while because I all could see what was what I had.

I Took A Chance On A Full-Time Creative Career

Once I started making peace with having a new vehicle, I started feeling the urge to leave my first adult job behind. I'd spent 10 years there, but it was becoming obvious that it was time to leave the nest. Similar to my first car, my co-workers watched me go from a wide-eyed college student to a confident adult. Though I learned so much there, I knew it wasn't where I wanted to be forever.

Deciding to leave what felt familiar was one of the scariest things I'd ever done and I spent days wondering if I'd made the right choice. It's not that writing wasn't lucrative, but I had to learn how to navigate a remote job that's been unlike any role I've had before. My imposter syndrome was in overdrive because I was waiting for the shoe to drop off my other foot.

Thoughts like "What if I'm not good enough" or "What if my co-workers hate me," plagued my mind because I couldn't believe I'd taken a chance on myself that seemed like it was working in my favor. That only happens in movies, right? In this case, wrong.

The same month I truly decided to focus on my writing career is when I interviewed Whoopi Goldberg. Since then, I've gone on to talk to different authors and even moderated my first book event in Atlanta. But, it still took a while for me to truly be grateful for the amazing things that's happened this year.

The Day I Turned 33 Put Everything Into Perspective

PMS plagued me for the better part of last week, so I decided to listen to my body and not do anything for my birthday. I kept waiting for myself to feel disappointed for not getting dressed up, but the feeling never came. The sad part is I almost wanted it to because who doesn't want to celebrate their birthday?

It turns out that I did celebrate, even if it wasn't in the typical 'party and dinner' way.

Deciding to focus on feeling peaceful in my new space, I opened my journal and started writing 33 things I'm grateful for. I didn't think I could find that many things, but it got easier to start being appreciative of life instead of focusing on everything I'd even thought went wrong.

In between bites of pizza and cheesy bread, I dropped all expectations and started writing. The more I wrote, the happier I felt which makes me wonder why I didn't do this before. So, without further ado, here is everything I realized during my gratitude practice this year!

The Things I'm Most Grateful For Right Now: 

"I'm grateful for quiet moments where I can hit the reset button when I need to."

"I’m grateful for moments I’ve accepted accountability for my actions."

"I’m grateful for having a supportive family and fiancé."

"I'm grateful for forgiveness and chances to start over."

"I’m grateful for the beauty and joy of reading."

• I'm grateful for home-cooked meals.
• I'm grateful for praying grandmothers.
• I'm grateful for older siblings I get along with.
• I'm grateful for reminders I'm not alone.
• I'm grateful for the gift of writing.
• I'm grateful for time spent in nature.
• I'm grateful for having friends in my life who feel like family.
• I'm grateful for my mom introducing me to therapy before my 20s.
• I'm grateful for every day I wake up with air in my lungs.
• I'm grateful for moments that cause me to slow down and think before acting.
• I'm grateful for multiple seasons of growth.
• I'm grateful for my first full-time writing job.
• I'm grateful I work with one of the best teams ever.
• I'm grateful for having access to food, shelter, and a transportation.
• I'm grateful for having an active imagination.
• I'm grateful for being able to watch my son grow.
• I'm grateful for learning about the ins and outs of postpartum so I can help other new moms!
• I'm grateful for having a new place to live that's cozy.
• I'm grateful for watching the seasons change.
• I'm grateful I get to learn what it means to have a healthy romantic relationship.
• I'm grateful for boundaries.
• I'm grateful for understanding my parents betters.
• I'm grateful I'm still in tune with my inner kid.
• I'm grateful for book clubs.
• I'm grateful for the amazing authors I've come across.
• I'm grateful for funny memes on social media.
• I'm grateful for hot chocolate — yes, I'm serious.
• I'm grateful for LIFE itself.

Everything You Need To Know About Stretching During A Workout

1. Why to Stretch: It’s not just for gym rats. According to Tipps, all of us, no matter how athletically inclined, should be incorporating stretching into our schedules.

“Many people ignore stretching when working out or just as a daily routine,” she says. “Stretching has an array of health benefits that serve as building blocks for longevity and physical well-being.”

Stretching increases flexibility, which improves range of motion in addition to improving workouts, and it delays the effects of atrophy later in life. It also aids posture and relieves stress. In terms of exercising, stretching has advantages both pre- and post-workout.

“Stretching increases blood flow to the muscles and improves your circulation,” explains Tipps. Because of this, failing to stretch beforehand can result in injury, and neglecting to do it afterward can lead to enhanced soreness and a longer recovery period. You’re also making yourself more susceptible to pain, inflammation, and tension in general, Tipps warns.

2. When to Stretch: Most people are at least vaguely aware of the benefits of stretching, but a lot of confusion surrounds when to actually do it during a workout. Contrary to popular belief, the heavy-duty stretching should be reserved for when you’ve finished exercising.

“After your workout is a better time to stretch with more dedication,” Tipps confirms. “Your muscles are tense, and they are tired and stressed in a good way. So stretching can help relieve that tension and reduce the soreness that results from working a muscle.”

Allot 10-15 minutes for these post-sweat stretches. Before your workout, simply stretch lightly, keeping the time to less than 10 minutes.

“Ease your muscles into the idea that you will be challenging them to perform,” Tipps instructs.

3. What to Stretch: Both of these stretch seshes should always address your arms, legs, and back, regardless of what areas that workout focuses on.

“There are different parts to each of these areas, so concentrate on those that your workout calls for that day, but don’t neglect everything else altogether either,” advises Tipps. “Remember, a lot of workout routines include compound exercises, which are multi-joint movements that work several muscles at one time.”

Although stretching might initially seem like yet another chore to add to your to-do list, its benefits are invaluable enough to no longer ignore. As Tipps encourages, “Stretch regularly, and over time you will reap the benefits and maintain your mobility.”

How do you stretch when working out?

There are quite a few stretches you can do when working out depending on what your body needs. No matter what you end up going with, remember not to force it — stretching should, well, stretch your muscles, but it shouldn't be painful! Check out these Pro Tips To Reach Your 2024 Fitness Goals, The Best At-Home Workouts, and 9 Easy Stretches You Can Do To Exercise At Your Desk for more ideas!

Is it better to stretch during or after a workout?

Nichole Tipps recommends saving your more intense stretches for after a workout. But don't be afraid to do a few easy stretches beforehand!

1. You're never sure what kind of mood your parents will be in before you walk in the living room or kitchen.

Let's put this on record: parenting is tough — especially on top of trying to maintain a work-life balance. But, this doesn't mean you're meant to be unsure of what to expect every time you come around your parents. If you have to "'read the room'" a lot "before speaking," Slavens indicates this is one of the more subtle signs of dysfunction.

This is where you may have learned how to become passive-aggressive if that's something you struggle with. The reason for this is because "clear and direct communication is avoided and/or seen as bad or aggressive," according to Dr. Miller.

2. You tend to feel like you're constantly compared to and in competition with your siblings.

My heart truly wants to believe this isn't intentional behavior from parents, but I can't say I haven't heard people talk about feeling like they'd never measure up to the 'golden child' of their family. You may have felt insecure about your grades, the college you chose to go to, your career goals, or even your physical appearance. Slavens says this "struggle with self-worth or second-guessing yourself constantly" is yet another sign that your family's dynamic wasn't the healthiest.

Also, Dr. Miller says this could've caused you to learn to "shrink yourself in the presence of loved ones." Even worse, you may "feel the need to hide pieces of yourself in order to be loved and accepted."

3. There was constant yelling and screaming during arguments, making you fearful of disagreements or hardships.

If you grew up in a home where arguments always led to screaming and yelling, chances are you're not a fan of loud voices or hard moments. Honestly, Slavens says it's not hard to believe that "conflict make you anxious, even when it’s minor." Unsurprisingly, you may have become a referee during these arguments and currently find yourself being a mediator in your platonic or romantic relationships. Why?

Dr. Miller says, "You constantly feel the need to manage everyone else’s emotions often at the cost of your own needs and wellbeing." You know, to keep the peace.

Here are some more obvious signs you grew up in a dysfunctional family

4. You had to take on a parental role when one of your parents decided to stop being an adult.

I imagine that having an emotionally immature parent is one of the most aggravating and stressful things to deal with. Not only that, but you may have had to help keep the household afloat. You may have had to get a job or two to help pay bills, listening to an adult conversation as your mom or dad laid their problems at your young feet, and more!

If you "family roles were flipped" and you "maybe had to parent your own parents," Slavens says this is a form of emotional dysfunction.

5. You weren't allowed to go anywhere with your friends because your parents wanted to keep an eye on you at all times.

Slavens says boundaries that "didn't exist" or "were rigid and controlling" is a sign your home was a little...interesting. Being concerned about your whereabouts is one thing, but it's another when you're unable to do anything without your parents' eagle-eyes on you. Something as simple as going to the mall with your friends may have become a lecture about the dangers of shoplifting or car wrecks. Again, these are valid concerns but they shouldn't be treated like the verbal form of doom scrolling.

6. You consistently witnessed one of your parents abuse alcohol or drugs at home.

This is a tough because substance abuse is so prevalent in varies socioeconomic statuses and communities. From the functioning alcoholic to the one who becomes belligerent after they've had too much to drink, it always affects those around them. Slavens says if "there was ongoing neglect, substance abuse, or verbal/physical aggression," your home probably didn't safe.

I recognize some of these signs of a dysfunctional family. But that doesn't mean they're affecting my current relationships, right?

I hate to break it to you, but it's possible your childhood wounds have shown up before. "Dysfunctional dynamics don’t stay in childhood — they tend to creep into how you connect with others," says Slavens. Similarly, Dr. Miller agrees that "we typically repeat what we learned at home with our families in our other relationships." How?

"This includes the beliefs and rules we follow, often completely subconsciously, about what can and can’t talk about and why, as well as what emotions are allowed to be expressed, who can express them and how, and how we should or must respond to those people and their emotions," explains Dr. Miller.

Another way to look at this is how Slavens has outlined it:

In Platonic Relationships:

1. Overextending yourself to please others, even at your own expense
2. Feeling like you have to "earn your friends' affections.
3. Avoiding vulnerability because it feels unsafe.

In Romantic Relationships:

1. Struggling to trust your partner or feeling overly suspicious
2. Repeating patterns like dating people who are emotionally unavailable or controlling.
3. Feeling overly responsible for your partner's happiness — or relying on them for yours.

OMG! How do I unlearn habits from my dysfunctional family?

Honestly, everyone has a few bad habits they've carried from their childhood to adulthood. You're not an outlier because some things weren't 100% normal so I don't want you to feel like you're a failure for not having having it all together. "Dysfunction doesn’t have to define your future relationships," Slavens assures. Dr. Miller says you can start to unlearn things "that aren't working for you anymore" by "gathering your family's larger context to gain insight into how and why, for them, the behaviors make sense."

By taking a look at your family's "history and larger social and political contexts" gives you a chance to "see them as whole people with full lives," she says. Once you do that, she believes "you can examine what pieces make sense for you to keep and what parts you'd like to learn to do differently." Her other suggestion? Don't forget you're ability to utilize a "therapist who works systemically, like an LMFT" who "can be a huge support in this process."

Slavens' tips include the following:

1. Practice self-awareness: Notice when a response feels automatic — like people-pleasing or shutting down during conflict — and ask yourself, Is this helping me, or is this a leftover habit from the past?
2. Set boundaries: If your childhood lacked healthy boundaries, learning to say “no” without guilt is a game-changer. Boundaries protect your energy and teach others how to treat you.
3. Learn healthy conflict skills: If conflict made you feel unsafe growing up, it’s natural to avoid it. But healthy conflict is necessary in relationships. Practice expressing your needs calmly and directly.
4. Therapy, therapy, therapy: A good therapist can help untangle the messy, “weird” things that got normalized and give you tools to rebuild healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
5. Surround yourself with healthier models: Whether it’s friends, mentors, or books/podcasts, seek examples of functional relationships and start observing what feels different.

While you're busy unlearning things, Dr. Miller also wants you to remember something. "Recognize that how your family does something is simply that; how your particular family system figured out and were taught to navigate the world. It isn’t inherently right because you’ve normalized it nor is the way another person or family does it inherently wrong," she says.