Arguments are a totally natural part of any relationship, but how we communicate and express our feelings during these tense situations can make all the difference.
When disagreements become frustrating, and emotions run high, it's easy to say things in the heat of the moment that we might not even mean. Yet, regardless of whether we regret our words, certain things cannot be taken back once they're spoken.
Plus, your statement could leave a lasting scar on your partner and cause a rift in your relationship that takes a while to heal.
That's why it's important to think carefully before you speak and avoid saying these 12 things to your significant other, even if you're angry at them.
Scroll to find out the things you should never say to your partner in an argument.
1. "You're crazy."
As soon as you tell your partner that they're "crazy" during a fight, you're suggesting that you don't trust their judgment or reasoning. Moreover, you're implying that their emotions are irrelevant and they don't have a right to feel the way they do.
Rather than jumping to this damaging statement, take a step back and try to truly listen to what they're upset about.
2. "I don't care."
On a similar note, telling your partner that you "don't care" when they're attempting to share their concerns is a recipe for disaster.
You're immediately shutting down any opportunity to resolve the issue at hand together and, again, invalidating your partner's feelings. Couples are supposed to care and support each other, especially during tough times, so saying "I don't care" is a cop-out that won't solve your argument any sooner.
3. "You always..." or "You never..."
"Always" and "never" are absolute phrases, meaning the behavior referred to actually has to occur every single time. If there's one thing that's true about humans, though, it's that we don't tend to do anything 100% the same way in literally every scenario.
These absolute phrases are typically used during fights to call attention to habit patterns. But while they may feel appropriate in your mind, it can feel like an attack on your partner.
Moreover, saying they "always" or "never" do something will only add fuel to the fire if it's not entirely true.
4. "Why can't you be more like..."
We all have a relative or friend who seems to have a picture-perfect relationship. So, in times of irritation, it can be tempting to ask why your partner can't be more like your best friend's boyfriend, for instance, or your brother's girlfriend.
Just remember that comparison is the thief of joy, and in relationships, it can plant seeds of doubt about your love in your partner's mind. We are supposed to care for our significant others unconditionally, but by comparing them to someone else, you're implying that they aren't enough for you.
5. "You'd do it if you loved me."
There's nothing more immature or damaging than trying to emotionally blackmail your partner into doing something you want.
It's manipulative, pressuring, and shows that you don't respect your partner's boundaries. It can also create an imbalance of power and cause your significant other to feel taken advantage of.
6. "You've changed."
Evolution is how humans survive, so it is natural for people to change in relationships, whether they be romantic or platonic.
When partnerships grow from short to long-term, different life events are bound to happen, too. Being presented with struggles or trauma and how we cope with those challenges can change a person.
So, accusing your partner of "changing" with a negative connotation is unhealthy. It suggests that things are supposed to stay stagnant, never transforming, which isn't realistic and will probably just be perceived as judgmental.
7. "My ex would never do that."
Just like how you shouldn't compare your significant other to people in other happy relationships, you should never compare them to your exes, either.
First, this will definitely escalate the argument, making your partner feel angry and insecure. On top of that, they may begin to question your love and trust, wondering if you'd rather be with your ex than them.
8. "This was a mistake."
It's never smart to make choices when tensions are high. That's why you should avoid making snap decisions about your relationship in the middle of arguments.
Once you utter the words "this was a mistake," it signals that you don't believe in your relationship at all. Whether you mean it or not, this statement can be extremely hard to come back from once things settle down and you want to make amends.
9. "I don't find you attractive anymore."
Saying "I don't find you attractive anymore" can be intended in two different ways. Perhaps you're trying to hurt your partner's feelings in regard to their appearance, or you mean their behavior is making them unattractive in your eyes.
Either way, bringing aesthetic opinions into play during an argument isn't productive. Instead of focusing on the actual issue at hand, you're just upsetting your partner more and introducing another thing to fight about.
10. "Your parents are the reason why..."
Maybe you're in a relationship with someone who dealt with childhood trauma. Or their parents might not approve of their partnership.
It's undeniable that both of these scenarios can make nurturing a romantic relationship more difficult. So why use your shared grievance as ammunition against your partner?
By involving their family in your argument, you're creating a divide between you and your partner rather than trying to tackle whatever problem you're facing as a united front.
11. Saying Nothing
Along with all of these statements, saying nothing to your partner during an argument is just as harmful. Stonewalling them or giving them the cold shoulder isn't going to solve anything, and it makes you seem uncompassionate and immature.
Think about it: how would you feel if you were trying to express your feelings, and the person on the receiving end walked away or went on their phone, ignored eye contact, and said nothing in response? Would that diffuse the situation or make you feel heard? Probably not.
12. "Divorce."
Last but not least, you shouldn't ever call for divorce in the midst of a fight. After tying the knot with someone and making vows to stick by their side through thick and thin, asking for a divorce is serious.
Separation threats shouldn't be tossed around casually, and even if you don't truly mean it, merely uttering the word can lead your partner to doubt and second-guess your relationship.
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