This Is How Much Time You Really Waste at Work

What makes landing a dream job so exciting?

The moment you go from thinking about your dream job to actually landing it feels euphoric. You feel a mixture of "I FINALLY did it" and "I can't wait to get started" because you've wanted it for so long. Carroll offers a better explanation though.

"A dream job is often one that marries our strengths, values, and interests — so it feels meaningful and purposeful as well as presenting opportunities to grow and develop in ways that feel exciting," she says.

This doesn't mean all dream jobs are created equal. Carroll says, "Everyone’s definition of a dream job is a little different, but the idea of showing up every day to do work that feels personally impactful, challenging and fulfilling is really motivating for many of us."

What are some harmful ways people approach daily tasks within their dream role?

I'm ambitious which isn't bad, but I've been known to be so laser-focused that I forget to take care of my basic needs. It's my way of trying to convince myself that I have to accomplish 2-3 things on my to-do list before giving something else my attention.

"It’s natural to want to succeed in a dream role, but there can be a number of pitfalls to watch out for as you try to prove yourself in the role and work at a demanding pace. It’s just as important to manage your energy and your workload as it is to manage your time," Carroll reminds.

Here's some of the harmful things she says you can do without realizing:

• Piling too much on your plate each day without a coherent plan to focus and prioritize on priorities
• Always saying yes to additional workload or meetings without assessing your other commitments
• Working too many hours, especially without breaks or adequate downtime to recharge, or feeling a need to be “on” 24-7
• Placing your work to-do list ahead of your self care, sleep or other needs
• Not communicating clearly about expectations, demands, feedback and needs with managers and co-workers

How can people recognize when they're overexerting themselves at work?

I'm beginning to think a lot of us are more introspective than we let on, but we may need help figuring out how to redirect ourselves. Carroll says, "Most clients I have worked with know on some level that they’re overdoing it. They feel the stress, and they may know that they need help in coping with it in healthier ways. But they often haven’t figured out how to unwind the situation that’s been created."

She suggests practicing self-reflection, priority and boundary setting, and often, self compassion and grace for yourself. I probably sound like a broken record, but I wholeheartedly believe we could be kinder to ourselves. Sometimes we place so much expectations on ourselves based on what society, family, or even our friends think.

Carroll says, "Burnout isn’t always a situation of overexertion, however. Sometimes it’s a mismatch between the role and our values, ethics or needs, or toxic workplace situations that can feed burnout as well. And in those cases, you might not recognize it at first."

Unfortunately, toxic workplaces are far more common than any of us like and can add to the stress we place on ourselves to perform our duties well. This can cause us to lose sight of what's truly important to us at our core. Carroll says, "It’s important to identify your core stressors so that you can address those. Burnout is not always about being busy."

What are signs someone is experience burnout?

Knowing that doesn't mean you're still able to understand if you're experiencing burnout or not though. "Burnout can look many ways — you might find yourself feeling stressed more often or less able to deal with your stressors," Carroll says. "There may be tiredness leading to exhaustion, brain fog, not thinking clearly, or a feeling of running on fumes."

That's always my first sign that I'm feeling burned out. I prioritize sleep because it helps me function the way I'm supposed to, but being sleepy is different from feeling tired on a soul level. There have been times where my alarm has gone off in the morning before work and it feels like I have to drag myself out of bed.

Another indicator that could be experiencing burnout is by losing enthusiasm at your dream job. "You might also be losing interest in the work, feeling like you can’t keep up or that the effort is futile. Often I hear 'I just don’t feel like myself. I’m not usually like this,'" Carroll says.

What happens when burnout completely overwhelms someone even if they love their job?

This is the part that makes working at your dream job so difficult IMO. I've talked to people who love what they do, but can't find the motivation to keep performing at the high level everyone expects them to.

"Being in full burnout is a physical and mental crisis point. You may feel depressed, lost, numb, exhausted. Your physical and mental health suffers, as well as your joy and often this has an impact on your wider relationships," Carroll indicates.

There's nothing worse than snapping at the people you love because you're stressed and don't know how to communicate that it's because of your dream job. It can take a lot to admit things are tough because you may not want to feel like you're complaining about something you've always wanted.

How can someone have a healthy relationship with work while prioritizing their mental health?

Burnout is real, it doesn't have to be a permanent thing. One of The Sims 4 characters I was playing developed the 'workaholic' trait and it got to the point where even she came home with the burnout moodlet.

She only had 24 hours to change it before it started affecting the quality of her work so I had to find ways to help her relax. The only thing that truly helped was taking PTO and allowing her to unwind at a spa, spend time with her loved ones, and indulge in hobbies that had nothing to do with work. Eventually, I helped her get rid of the workaholic trait because it was causing more harm than good.

Though that's a simulation game, I can imagine this happens to people. We have to decide we're willing to change how we approach our dream jobs so we're able to still function in our daily lives.

Carroll says, "Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries — with ourselves and with others — is a key point. Even when it’s your dream job, even when it’s demanding, your work is still one part of the larger picture of your life. Start with what is firmly in your control and make changes there first — there may be workplace changes to consider, but that comes second."

She says this can look like:

• Placing limits on working after hours
• Setting technology boundaries
• Being transparent about workload and priorities
• Learning to say no
• Reorganizing or blocking out parts of your schedule and potentially initiating new conversations with your leaders and colleagues where needed

What emotions might someone feel if they realize their dream job isn't what they expected?

It's disappointing when certain things we thought we wanted aren't what we need or even like. It doesn't matter whether we're learning how to get over a crush or feel like our dream job has become a nightmare.

"When our dream job turns out to be less a dream than expected, it’s natural to feel disappointed, sad, disillusioned or even grief. Depending on the situation, there may be resentment and anger as well if the job was misrepresented, or self doubt and questioning yourself and your decisions," Carroll says.

It doesn't always feel good, but letting yourself feel whatever emotion or thought comes up will help you get through the breakdown of having a dream job that's not what you expected it to be. Carroll says, "It’s important that you allow yourself time and space to understand what you’re feeling and to process that before deciding what to do next. There may be ways to job craft a more fulfilling experience, or you might decide to look at alternatives."

How can someone pivot towards something different if they want to leave their dream job?

Thinking about stepping away from your dream job in favor of telling burnout to take a hike? This is a judgement-free zone so just know you're able to do that if it makes sense to pivot in a different direction. However, Carroll does advise you to be mindful before making a potentially life-changing decision.

"The first step I always advise clients who want to step away from their role — dream job or not — is to assess the situation from a bigger picture before acting," she says.

• Take the time to understand what you’ve appreciated most about the role, what you didn’t and what you’re complete with/longing for at this stage of your career. Take stock of what’s most important to you and what is fueling your desire for change.
• Assess your strengths, skillsets, interests, and career values. A career coach can be a valuable ally to understand how you might you lean into these more as you decide where to pivot.
• Activate your future by exploring new career roles that build on the foundation you have, but stretch you in the ways you desire and meet your larger life goals. Then do your homework. Go out and explore potential roles through research, networking, job shadowing and interviewing. Testing out your ideas helps you move forward with clarity and confidence before investing in a job search or retraining.

Careers are not linear, and that's OK!

Rather than feeling like a failure for not living up to our parents’ outdated idea of success, I’ve taken some wisdom from Carrie, who had this all figured out back in the '90s. She started as a columnist for a newspaper, then authored several successful books, before becoming a podcast host. In between, she also wrote for Vogue and headlined a speaker series on dating in New York City.

The moral of the story? It’s OK to change directions and to switch up your path if what you’ve been doing no longer brings you joy (or, if the industry shifts and you need to pay rent). You don’t need to cling to a decision just because you spent a long time making it.

You can make the freelance & gig economy work for you.

Carrie was a freelance writer before it was cool, but she was also an early adapter to the gig economy (see: all those Learning Annex lessons). Manhattan is expensive, and when I was laid off at the start of the pandemic, I turned to freelance work to make ends meet. I had to get really scrappy and learn some new skills on the fly, but like Carrie, it all worked out in the end (and I had some cash left over for shoes, too!)

Fake it 'til you make it!

Sure, Carrie is a member of the press, but she’s a sex columnist at a D-list publication. No shade to a fellow writer, but I love how Carrie didn’t let this stand in her way. She attended fashion week and befriended Vogue editors and talked up her accomplishments enough to get into any door she wanted (except for that LA premiere, but we'll forgive it). One thing I’ve learned is that you’re your own best advocate, and no one else is going to do the work for you — it’s up to you to make things happen for yourself.

Know your worth, and don't settle for less.

When Carrie decided to buy her condo, but she didn't have enough cash saved (a different story for a different day), she proclaimed that she was offered "$4 a word at Vogue — most people get $2." Now, even in the '90s/early millennium this was seriously delulu, but Carrie believed in herself, went after what she wanted, and earned what she was worth. In-universe, this is double what the average Vogue writer was earning, which is a major win.

Don't let the fear of making a mistake stop you from thinking big and taking calculated risks!

When Carrie is approached to write a book based on her column, she's in shock and even considers turning down the opportunity. She decides to take a meeting, but it doesn't go well and she questions whether she should be writing a book at all. Luckily, Carrie pushes through these moments of self-doubt and completes her book, which becomes a huge success and the first of many. The lesson here is that self-doubt is normal, but letting those thoughts take over will hold you back from your full potential.

Remember to trust the process, because good things won't happen overnight!

One of my favorite things about Carrie is that she's a flawed character and forever a work-in-progress, from her love life to her career path. When we first meet Carrie, she's writing a weekly column for a local newspaper. We see her writing the column every day (for six seasons!), which may seem insignificant, but she's laying the groundwork and putting in the hours for her next career move, whatever that may be. Little by little, we see Carrie start to take on bigger projects, and she ends the series as a Vogue writer, a best-selling author, and a highly respected figure in NYC society. TV and movies can present success as an overnight sensation, but in real life — and in Carrie's case — it's more often a marathon than a sprint. Remember to give yourself grace and trust the process.

Blake Lively's The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Co-Stars

Most upsetting is the unabashed exploitation of domestic violence survivors' stories to silence a woman who asked for safety. The hypocrisy is astounding.

We are struck by the reality that even if a woman is as strong, celebrated, and resourced as our friend Blake, she can still face forceful retaliation for daring to ask for a safe work environment. We are inspired by our sister's courage to stand up for herself and others.

For anyone seeking more information or engaging in this important conversation online, please read the full legal complaint in the investigative reporting by Megan Twohey, Mike McIntire, and Julie Tate for the New York Times.

Colleen Hoover, Author of It Ends With Us

Paul Feig, Director of A Simple Favor

Director Paul Feig also shared his thoughts about what it's like to work with Blake on X. He said, "I’ve now made two movies with Blake and all I can say is she’s one of the most professional, creative, collaborative, talented and kind people I’ve ever worked with. She truly did not deserve any of this smear campaign against her. I think it’s awful she was put through this."

Robyn Lively, Blake Lively's Sister

The sisterly energy is real and we're so glad Blake is surrounded by it. Robyn, Blake's big sister, shared her full thoughts in a lengthy Instagram caption just 10 hours!

While encouraging people to do research for themselves by reading The New York Times article that details the devious plot to publicly destroy Blake, she had other things to say. "We live in an age where we have access to people’s personal lives like never before — especially actors. It makes us feel like we know them. We see them on social media, watch clips of them, and make snap decisions about their character," she wrote. This reminds me of the parasocial relationships author Amanda Montell detailed in The Age of Magical Overthinking — definitely something for us all to keep in mind.

She also called out how easy it is for the media to warp the public's perception of the truth. "The 'truth' in the tabloids is hardly ever what you think," she added before eventually expressing how "proud" she is that her sister "didn't allow herself to be silenced in the face of adversity and lies."

Bart Johnson, Blake Lively's Brother-in-law

According to Page Six, Blake's brother-in-law Bart Johnson didn't hesitate to share his thoughts about the behavior of Baldoni and his team. He reportedly wrote, "Her complaints were filed during the filming. On record. Long before the public conflict. The cast unfollowed him [Baldoni] for a reason." in the comment section of the NYT Instagram post about the lengthy deep dive into what happened.

He continued by writing, "His PR team was stellar. Gross and disgusting but highly effective. Read the article, their text message exchanges and his PR campaign strategy to bury her by any means necessary. No one is with out [sic] faults. But the public got played."