Here’s What Happens to Your Brain When You’re in Love

Lindsay Burgess
Feb 12, 2018

Valentine’s Day is coming. Some couples will spend the evening devouring oysters and chocolate (heck yeah), others will plan sporty Valentine’s Day dates (gym rats deserve love too, y’all). These days, you can even enjoy the holiday when you’re single — especially if your besties are down to celebrate Galentine’s Day. If you’ve been hunting for Valentine’s Day gifts, you might’ve noticed that February 14 seems to be all about hearts. But — fun fact — what we feel when we’re in love is actually all thanks to our brains. Here’s what’s going on at every stage of your relationship.

1. Stage One — Butterflies: That fluttery feeling in your stomach is usually a sign that you’ve found a keeper. During this phase, it’s normal to have your person on the brain, and even to struggle to stay focused when you’re apart, according to Dr. James Pawelski, Director of Education and Senior Scholar at the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania and his co-author of Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts, Suzann Pileggi Pawelski. (Oh, yeah — they’re married too.)

“That’s normal, feels good, and is something to savor,” say Dr. Pawelski and Pileggi Pawelski. “However, if months into the relationship we are still experiencing these behaviors [it] may be a warning sign that we are not in a healthy loving relationship, but perhaps more of an obsessively passionate one.”

That’s because those butterflies are part of a chemical response. Dr. Don Vaughn, who teaches neuroscience at Santa Clara University — when he’s not giving TEDx Talks on neurohacking — explains that during the early phase of a relationship, it’s common to see a drop in serotonin levels (AKA the happy neurotransmitter) and a rise in cortisol (AKA the stress hormone). Vaughn points out that studies indicate a similar reduction in serotonin levels in cases of obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety disorder.

“Just like there is a time course for a relationship, there is a time course for love’s chemicals,” says Dr. Vaughn. “Although passionate, the first stage of love — which lasts roughly six months — is also characterized by symptoms of anxiety and stress, likely reflecting the relationship’s uncertainty.” So the end of the butterflies stage — something we often worry signals the end of a romance — is actually a good thing.

According to Dr. Vaughn, there are plenty of other ways to feel warm and fuzzy about your person that are totally healthy. “Research has found that when you look at someone you love passionately, you experience more complex brain patterns, a higher heart rate, greater skin conductance, and increased zygomatic muscle activity (AKA smiling), than when you look at someone you love or admire as a friend or family member,” he says. Passionate love carries on into stage two, and may even last a lifetime.

On the other hand, if bae still makes your stomach flip after a year or more, it might be time to take a closer look at your relationship. (Psst — here are the signs of a toxic relationship.)

2. Stage Two — Getting Serious: So, your stomach has calmed the eff down — now what? “The second phase for a relationship continues to be characterized by passion, but now sees an increase in feelings of safety and security,” says Dr. Vaughn. He explains that your serotonin and cortisol levels “return to baseline,” or go back to how they were when you were single. “At the same time,” he says, “There is increased levels of the neurotransmitter oxytocin — ‘the love hormone’ — which may be what facilitates the long-term pair bonding that happens at this stage.”

That bonding thing? It might be why you don’t feel like going back on Tinder. “There is evidence that long-term pair bonding changes the structure of individual neurons in highly monogamous animals, and potentially humans,” says Dr. Vaughn. “For example, once a prairie vole has mated and bonded for life, the pleasure centers of their brain change sensitivity.” He explains that after these changes occur, prairie voles only get good vibes from their one-and-onlies. “Essentially, their brain creates a positive feedback loop for monogamy, and protects against straying.”

Not convinced? Here’s how to get over jealousy in a relationship.

So, between the chemical reset and your growing bond, you’ll probably feel a lot more chill during this phase. The Pawelskis say that this is a natural evolution. “In the beginning of the relationship the positive emotions we may feel are more high-arousal ones,” they explain. Later on, though, these feelings are replaced by “calmer positive emotions of serenity, gratitude, and inspiration.”

3. Stage Three — Happily Ever After, Sort Of: “Couples [should] realize that ‘happily ever after’ doesn’t happen,” say Dr. Pawelski and Pileggi Pawelski. Staying happy requires work, they explain. “We use the analogy of a ‘relationship gym’ in our book. In other aspects of our lives, say physical fitness, we don’t buy a membership to the gym and think that by just working out once we’ll have fitter and more flexible bodies.”

As in your exercise regime, you need to keep an eye out for plateaus in your relationship. When these occur, think about small changes to push things to the next level. The Pawelskis point out that you shouldn’t try to force happiness. “Research shows that people who are happy tend to ‘prioritize happiness,'” they say. “So couples should focus on shared interests and activities (e.g., hiking together, doing the NYT crossword) that bring them happiness and then schedule them into their day.”

And the good news is, there’s still lots of positive stuff going on in the brain to keep your relationship strong. “Oxytocin likely continues to be high during this phase,” says Dr. Vaughn. But, “activity in the highly rewarding dopaminergic system — the same areas activated in sex, food, and drugs of abuse — decreases.”

Vaughn refers to this stage as “compassionate love” and notes that it’s marked by a dip in passion. However, he says, “Not all couples enter phase three; rather, many claim to remain deeply passionate for each other.”

Whether your relationship goes through two, three, or more phases, the important thing is that you nurture that bond.

Would you rather grow old with your best friend or keep the passion alive? Let us know @BritandCo!

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The Ultimate Guide To Understanding Your Rising Sign For Better Relationships

Sometimes we're looking for love in all the wrong places — and sometimes we're just looking for love in all the wrong ways. That's where your rising sign can come in. In this week's Ask An Astrologer column with Lumi Pelinku, our reader feels like they just can't find their footing romantically. Luckily, Lumi has the best relationship advice — and it all starts with your rising sign! Here's how you can use your own rising sign to level up your romantic life!

Juan Pablo Serrano

Dear Lumi: Will I ever be worthy of being loved romantically? I have never been in a relationship, and I’m scared I will never be. I have so much love to give, but I don’t think I’ll ever have the chance to show it.

Bean, Illinois

  • Sun sign: Virgo
  • Rising sign: Cancer
  • Moon sign: Gemini

Yuri Manei

Dear Virgo: I understand where you're coming from, as many people feel this way these days. Here’s a little personal story from my journey: In my early 20s, I was pretty inexperienced in love and pressured by societal expectations to settle down by 30. Sigh...

I went to great lengths to attract a partner, even dabbling in spells and misleading manifestation techniques. Please tread carefully if you're trying this. Instead of finding true love, I drew a series of “ghosts” and situationships. I felt I had so much love to offer, but it all led to emptiness and eventually a toxic relationship with someone I thought was my soulmate, but turned out to be my karmic partner. There’s more to this story, but let’s save it for another time.

The end of that relationship led me to discover the essence of self-love and self-acceptance, eventually stepping into my own worth. Astrology has become a guiding light for me in that regard — and can be for you, too.

​Let’s Talk About Your Rising Sign & How It Defines Your Relationship Standards

Luke Miller

In astrology, examining your rising sign can offer profound insights. With Cancer rising, your soul yearns for deep, emotional connections. Creating a biological or soul family may bring you joy and fulfillment. Opposite Cancer is Capricorn, which governs the 7th house of your birth chart — the area that reveals the type of partners you need and what you should embody to feel complete, whether you’re with someone or not. A Capricorn-ruled 7th house suggests that a structured, secure, and straightforward partner will align with your needs. If you find yourself in a relationship that feels stagnant or uncertain from the start, it’s a sign that you’re not embodying Capricorn’s qualities, and it might be time to move on.

Arina Krasnikova

Your natural tendency to give and care deeply for others stems from a place of genuine concern and desire to ensure everyone’s well-being. However, it’s crucial for you to seek security from within. Feeling at home in your skin and living in the moment are great starting points.

Avoid individuals who offer unrequited love or broken promises. You may have an intuitive sense that you might overlook — trust it. By becoming more aware of your physical and emotional responses to others, you can discern between genuine connections and energy-draining situations. Establishing a practice of quiet reflection and observation can facilitate understanding the root of your heightened emotions.

Cliff Booth

The core message here is to build security within yourself and extend grace and understanding to yourself throughout your journey. It’s perfectly okay to be single right now; you're worthy of attracting a partner who will cherish all of you. To find the love of your life, you must first love yourself — not in a self-centered way, but by honoring your own needs and boundaries. Saying no to situations and people not aligning with your sensitive soul will make you stronger than you realize. The Universe will respond with an endearing relationship by practicing this because you’ve learned to honor yourself.

With Love and Stars,

Lumi

​How Your Rising Sign Cultivates Self-Acceptance and Attracts the Love You Need

Alexander Mass

Like an outfit, your rising sign showcases your personality, identity, and perception of the world. What if I tell you that the rising sign can also attract the love you need in your journey? Think of your rising sign as your energy and how you embody it. It's the mirror we carry, and by our energy, we can keep it clean and pristine or murky and distorted. Sometimes, we cannot stand what we see in ourselves, and that channeled energy emanates outward, creating distortion-filled experiences. When this happens, you lose your 'main character' energy, which results in you leaving your life to chance rather than writing your chapters. When you embody complete self-acceptance and happiness within yourself, these are the key ingredients in powering up your rising sign and your 7th house.

As you begin to feel at peace, love, and harmony to the best of your ability, this will attract what you desire in your life and in love. The world will respond and reflect back all that we project. It’s that simple. Our rising sign is responsible for this active energy, and learning how to master it, will be the key to help you understand the nature of your personality while also attracting your dreams. The ascendant is the portal of your experiences, good and bad. Now that we understand the gist of the rising sign, let's explore your rising sign and how you can tap into your main character energy.

​Love Alchemy: How Your Rising Sign Shapes Relationships

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Aries Rising

Aries Rising radiates a bold, adventurous energy, often attracting equally spirited partners. To attract the love of their life, they should embrace their assertiveness and passion. By channeling the competitive energy of their 7th house (Libra), they can cultivate harmony in relationships without sacrificing their individuality. Self-acceptance means recognizing their fierce independence while being open to collaboration and compromise. The dynamic energy of Mars empowers them to attract a partner who admires their fiery spirit yet values partnership.

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Taurus Rising

Grounded and sensual, Taurus Rising can attract lasting love through their nurturing nature. Their 7th house energy in Scorpio encourages depth and intensity in relationships. To manifest their ideal partner, Taurus Rising must embrace their inner beauty and the pleasure of self-care. By embodying their desire for stability and security, they can project an aura of comfort and reliability, making them irresistible to those seeking genuine connections. Venus, their ruling planet, enhances their allure, helping them draw the right kind of love.

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Gemini Rising

With a quick wit and charm, Gemini Rising attracts partners through intellectual stimulation. Their 7th house in Sagittarius encourages exploration and adventure. To attract their soulmate, they should openly embrace their duality and communicate their needs and desires. Their self-acceptance journey involves acknowledging their inquisitiveness while finding ways to ground themselves in relationships. Mercury, their ruling planet, sharpens their communication skills, enabling them to draw in a partner who shares their passion for life and learning.

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Cancer Rising

Cancer Rising embodies warmth and nurturing energy, making them deeply appealing to potential partners. Their 7th house in Capricorn requires a balance between emotional depth and practical commitment. To attract a lasting love, Cancer Rising should accept their need for security while being open to vulnerability. Utilizing their emotional intelligence to discern their connections creates a safe space for love to flourish. The Moon, their ruling planet, enhances their intuition and empathy, helping them attract a partner who values their nurturing nature and ambition.

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Leo Rising

Confident and charismatic, Leo Rising draws people in with their radiant energy. Their 7th house in Aquarius encourages them to seek uniqueness in relationships. To draw in the love they need, Leo Rising must embody self-love while giving space for individuality. By embracing their creativity and leading with generosity, the Sun, their ruling planet, inspires them to attract a partner who appreciates their vibrant spirit and shares their vision for a progressive, loving partnership.

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Virgo Rising

Practical and detail-oriented, Virgo Rising has a unique charm that attracts partners seeking stability and support. Their 7th house in Pisces invites them to explore relationships' emotional and spiritual aspects. Virgo Rising should love their imperfections and the beauty of vulnerability to attract an epic partnership. By cultivating self-acceptance and finding joy in the little things, Mercury, their ruling planet, helps them draw in a partner who appreciates their grounded nature while encouraging emotional exploration.

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Libra Rising

Charming and harmonious, Libra Rising attracts partners through their innate ability to create beauty and balance. Their 7th house in Aries prompts them to be more assertive in love. Libra Rising must embrace the desire for partnership to attract their ideal partner while also recognizing the importance of self-identity. Being bold in expressing their needs will ignite their main character energy, as Venus, their ruling planet, empowers them to draw in a partner who values connection and independence.

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Scorpio Rising

Intense and magnetic, Scorpio Rising naturally attracts people with their enigmatic presence. Their 7th house in Taurus urges them to seek relationship stability and loyalty. Scorpio Rising should tap into their emotional depth and learn to communicate openly to attract the love they desire. Valuing their worth is vital to mastering their life path. By engaging in self-love and finding a balance between their passionate nature and a desire for security, Pluto and Mars, their ruling planets, will manifest in attracting a partner who appreciates their intensity and commitment.

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Sagittarius Rising

Adventurous and free-spirited, Sagittarius Rising attracts partners through their love of exploration and philosophy. Their 7th house in Gemini encourages communication and curiosity in relationships. To attract their ideal love, Sagittarius Rising has to tap into their quest for knowledge while remaining open to commitment. By cultivating self-worth and expressing their authentic self, Jupiter, their ruling planet, guides them in drawing in a partner who shares their passion for adventure and intellectual pursuits.

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Capricorn Rising

Disciplined and ambitious, Capricorn Rising manifests partnerships through their drive and determination. Their 7th house in Cancer encourages them to explore emotional depth in relationships. To attract lasting love, Capricorn Rising should tap into their nurturing side and allow themselves to be vulnerable. By practicing self-love while balancing their ambitions with emotional availability, Saturn, their ruling planet, aids them in attracting a partner who admires their strength while valuing emotional connection.

Brit + Co

Aquarius Rising

Innovative and independent, Aquarius Rising draws in partners with their unique perspectives and humanitarian spirit. Their 7th house in Leo invites them to ignite creativity and passion in relationships. Aquarius Rising must acknowledge their desire for freedom while recognizing the value of connection to attract the love they desire. By embodying their authentic and unique self, Uranus, their ruling planet, inspires them to draw in a partner who appreciates their individuality and shares their vision for a better world.

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Pisces Rising

Dreamy and compassionate, Pisces Rising attracts partners through their empathetic and intuitive nature. Their 7th house in Virgo encourages them to seek practicality and service in relationships. To attract true love, it's vital for Pisces Rising to embrace their sensitivity while grounding themselves in reality. By practicing self-love and setting healthy boundaries, Neptune and Jupiter, their ruling planets, will manifest a partner who appreciates their depth and aligns with their desire for meaningful connections.

Katerina Holmes

Understanding your rising sign can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and personal growth. Exploring your ascendant's unique traits and energies will help you get to know yourself and all its shades and how you navigate love and relationships. This awareness empowers you to embrace your authentic self and enables you to identify patterns that may hold you back. As you align with your rising sign's essence and ruling planet, you can cultivate more happiness and confidence, opening pathways to attract meaningful connections and experiences that resonate with your true essence. Embracing your rising sign invites you to step into your main character energy, allowing you to write your story with intention and authenticity.

Want to find out how astrology can be the guiding tool to self-acceptance and fulfillment? Click here and claim your copy of Lumi's Beginner's Astrology Book.

For more astrology advice, be sure to Ask Lumi for advice, and follow the conversation on Facebook!

zodiaczodiac signsrelationship advicerelationshipsastrology

Your November Horoscopes Are Here — See What's In Store For Your Sign

Welcome to November 2024! It’s official, everyone. We are cleared of the eclipse season and approaching the holiday season and Election Day. The collective is stirring with anticipation, awaiting the next course in our journey. Breathe. Tensions are especially high due to the major polarity brought on by the collective planet Pluto's re-entry into Capricorn just months ago. The tides are expected to change as the regeneration planet regresses into Aquarius for good.

You may be thinking, “What’s in it for me?” Aligning with the cosmic flow will bring more peace, understanding, and balance in your everyday life. Scorpio season is in full swing, and it beckons you to begin analyzing your internal landscape, desires, and control. You'll improve the world by grasping the importance of revitalizing your inner self. Believe it or not, you're the main character of your story, and your light contributes more than you know. This November highlights this part of your narrative. Are you ready to learn what is in store for you this month? Read on for your sun, moon, and rising November horoscope below.

Themes For Your November Horoscope In 2024

Brian Yurasits

This month kicks off with the New Moon in Scorpio on November 1st, helping you see how you're being of service to yourself and others. Due to Scorpio's vibe of death and regeneration, this lunation will also materialize the importance of “clearing out” from the old. Remember last month’s solar eclipse?

This New Moon in Scorpio extends the path for you to turn over a new leaf and actualize your desired changes. Make a move.

The communication signals will power up as Mercury enters Sagittarius on November 2nd, manifesting a feeling of warmth and hope in our messages. The dialogue exchanged will be inspiring and educational.

Share information that will benefit others. You'll experience serendipitous moments as you give back.

Our drive and bravado will turn up as the motivator planet Mars enters Leo on November 3rd. Our self-worth will drive passion and desire. Step forward and claim your desire.

Patricia Luquet

Create your masterpiece and watch it come to life. Believe.

Love will shift to rationality and structure as Venus shifts into Capricorn on November 11. These next several weeks will help you gauge more accordingly with long-term plans and practical concerns. It will also invoke a more grounded approach to romance and dating.

Slow and steady builds stronger foundations in love.

On November 15th, the Full Moon in Taurus illuminates the sky, highlighting the importance of taking the reigns through a measured approach. With the rebel planet, Uranus, in alignment with this full moon, it will stir up massive changes involving our narrative and how we are playing our part in our storyline. It can lead to impulsive moves, so remember to be intentional. The great news is that Saturn, the structure planet, is direct today, bringing more clarity regarding our direction.

Ahmed ツ

Brilliance awaits as you hold steady.

Buckle up! On November 19th, Pluto ingresses into Aquarius, settling into this future-oriented sign. Anticipate significant technological advancements, including refined artificial intelligence, quantum computing breakthroughs, renewable energy innovations, and immersive virtual reality experiences. Side note: VR Games like Supernatural(I'm a BIG fan!) are revolutionizing workouts, allowing people to exercise in other worlds while engaging with a supportive community for weight loss, endorphins, and positive accountability. As you visualize your ideal paradigm, Pluto will guide you toward the tools or necessary changes to attract your desired results. Embrace this transformation and let go of outdated constructs, paving the way for a brighter, more interconnected future.

Vlada Karpovich

Happiness and fulfillment await those willing to adapt and grow.

This month ends with the Sun in Sagittarius on November 21 and Mercury Retrograde on November 25. Sagittarius season invokes wanderlust, adventure, and growth. Remember that you'll reign this season as you remain open-minded to new concepts and ideas.

Close-mindedness and dismissiveness of others' input lead to dead ends.

As we conclude working with Mercury’s backspin this month, steer clear of making traveling plans (like booking a ticket/itinerary), launching a business, or signing contracts. Plus, it will help you streamline your messages, think through your personal beliefs, and change your attitudes towards life. Going through reflection will help you gravitate toward your desired outcomes.

Which signs will be most affected in November?

Juliane Monari

As we journey through November 2024, Scorpio, Taurus, Aquarius, and Sagittariuswill each feel the cosmic waves uniquely. Scorpios will harness the transformative energy of the New Moon to reflect on their desires and initiate powerful changes. Taurus will be called to acknowledge new narratives during the Full Moon, prompting them to take control of their path and make intentional decisions. Aquarians will experience a significant shift as Pluto settles into their sign, inviting them to envision a brighter future and release old patterns that no longer serve them. Meanwhile, Sagittarians will be inspired by the Sun’s entry into their sign, igniting a sense of adventure and growth. However, they should navigate Mercury's retrograde carefully to avoid miscommunications and hasty decisions. Allow these energies to guide you toward a more fulfilled and intentional existence this month!

​Key Dates & Transits This Week

Griffin Wooldridge

  • 11/1 New Moon in Scorpio
  • 11/2 Mercury enters Sagittarius
  • 11/3 Mars enters Leo
  • 11/11 Venus enters Capricorn
  • 11/15 Full Moon in Taurus, Saturn Direct
  • 11/19 Pluto re-enters Aquarius
  • 11/21 Sun enters Sagittarius
  • 11/25 Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius

​Read Your November Horoscope For Your Sun & Rising Signs

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Aries (March 21 – April 20)

Themes: Investments and Ambition

This month brings transformative opportunities for personal growth and ambition. The New Moon in Scorpio encourages you to dive deep into your desires and set intentions for long-term investments. As Mercury enters Sagittarius, your voice shines, sparking optimism and inspiring connections. Let love lead the way as Mars in Leo ignites your creative passion and pushes you to take bold steps in your relationships. Make a move while factoring in your happiness. The Full Moon in Taurus prompts you to let go of unwanted habits while tying loose ends with finances. The great news is that your adventurous spirit flourishes with the Sun entering Sagittarius later this month. Be mindful of impulsive trips or conversations, as Mercury retrograde calls for thoughtful reflection on your plans and communication style.

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Taurus (April 21 – May 21)

Themes: Connection and Identity

Expect a month filled with deeper connections and self-reflection as you reassess your values and domestic life. The New Moon in Scorpio encourages the exploration of your love life and partnerships, manifesting progress. With Mercury shifting into Sagittarius, discussions around shared resources become enriching and insightful. Consolidate your research or your internal landscape of beliefs and get to the bottom of what keeps you from attracting more abundance. Mars in Leo energizes your home life, inspiring you to create a nurturing environment. Rearrange furniture or begin visualizing your ideal home life — this new pattern will attract movement in your domestic life. The Full Moon in your sign focuses on your identity, offering a moment of self-realization and understanding about how you need to reshape your narrative. Mercury retrograde will help you retrace your steps regarding merged resources and enable you to work out your financial priorities or unresolved debts — research methods.

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Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

Themes: Wellness and Subconscious Needs

Prepare for a month rich in exploration and relationship review, inviting you to evaluate your connections and daily routines. The New Moon in Scorpio prompts you to reflect on health and work, paving the way for beneficial changes. Begin a new protocol and establish a sacred practice involving wellness that will reorient you with your goals. With Mercury entering Sagittarius, your focus shifts toward partnerships, enhancing the depth of your conversations. Work on listening intently to your partner or connections to find practical solutions. Mars in Leo ignites your curiosity, encouraging the pursuit of fresh ideas. Get involved in the local realms and initiate conversations — this will inspire you. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus sheds light on your subconscious, urging you to confront hidden fears and clear out. The Sun in Sagittarius with Mercury retrograde will help you backtrack and analyze your relationships and their direction.

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Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

Themes: Happiness and Friendship Circles

This month invites you to balance your daily routines with self-care for emotional fulfillment. The New Moon in Scorpio inspires you to understand the core of your joy and what fulfills you. Mercury’s entry into Sagittarius shifts your focus to daily routines, enhancing discussions around wellness. Health is wealth. As you focus on your overall well-being, abundance will follow. The great news is that Mars in Leo energizes your financial goals, motivating proactive steps forward, so taking care of yourself this month will ensure the results. Later this month, the Full Moon in Taurus highlights your social circles, prompting a reassessment of friendships. As Pluto in Aquarius encourages transformative growth, the Sun’s ingress into Sagittarius and Mercury retrograde emphasizes health, inviting you to take self-care practices and review how you typically extend your energy to others.

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Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Themes: Fulfillment and Reassess Life Purpose

Get ready for a vibrant month of self-discovery and creative expression. The New Moon in Scorpio prompts you to reflect on your domestic life and family, inspiring you to cultivate a supportive environment while establishing your terms. With Mercury entering Sagittarius, your focus turns to love and creativity, allowing you to step out of your comfort zone and explore these realms of joy. Mars in your sign boosts your confidence, empowering decisive actions in your pursuits. Be yourself and ignite your fire to get things done. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus highlights your professional aspirations, prompting you to reassess your career goals. Factor in what makes you happy and optimizes your energy. The Sun's entry in Sagittarius alongside Mercury retrograde will help you backtrack and align with your priorities in love and your creative potential.

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Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Themes: Ideas and Past Aspirations

This month brings clarity and enriched communication, inviting you to refine your thoughts and deepen your familial connections. The New Moon in Scorpio encourages engagement with new ideas and community interactions, promoting open dialogue. Being openhearted and receptive to people's feedback will lead to breakthroughs in your development. Mercury’s transition into Sagittarius shifts your focus to home and family, enhancing emotional discussions regarding your direction. Be curious in your approach; it will heal your unresolved matters. Mars in Leo energizes your subconscious, motivating you to confront hidden fears while helping you understand your habitual patterns. Rest and reflect. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus prompts reflection on your philosophical outlook and long-term goals. Look back at your old journals or past aspirations to fill the gaps in your story. Mercury's backspin entails reviewing your next steps involving your emotional security — look within yourself and align with your feelings instead of seeking external validation.

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Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Themes: Self-Worth and Vulnerability

You're in for a month filled with financial themes and meaningful interactions, guiding you to reassess your values and friendships. The New Moon in Scorpio inspires you to reflect on personal resources, setting intentions for more stability. This is an opportunity to revamp your approach to money and security — research new methods that will attract more abundance. As Mercury enters Sagittarius, your focus shifts to engaging conversations and learning opportunities. It is also an excellent opportunity to network locally and gain traction and confidence with the side hustles you may be working on. Mars in Leo energizes your social life, motivating you to cultivate new friendships and connections that will get you one step closer to achieving your long-term aspirations. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus highlights shared resources, prompting a reassessment of intimate relationships and closing the chapter on any outmoded approaches. By the end of this month, Mercury retrograde will enable you to reflect on old ideas that may have rested on the back burner. This is your chance to let your past endeavors rest or revive once Mercury goes direct.

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Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Themes: Self-Empowerment and Commitment

Embrace a month of self-confidence and financial insight! The New Moon in your sign empowers you to set intentions for your goals and new beginnings. You're worthy, as this is your chance to establish a new seed based on what's aligned with your heart. As Mercury moves into Sagittarius, your focus shifts to finances, enhancing your ability to express your needs clearly. It can lead to frivolous spending, so be mindful of ongoing patterns that can result in retail therapy. Your hard work will pay off as Mars in Leo energizes your career ambitions, motivating you to make bold moves. You'll shine as you begin to dream bigger and aim higher. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus illuminates your partnerships, prompting a reassessment of commitments and closing the chapter on past disagreements. Hold space for your heart and your past to find a solution. As this month closes, Mercury retrograde will enable you to feel more in your power as you analyze your self-worth and become intentional with your next steps in financial planning or business endeavors. Clarity will be set next month.

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Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Themes: Revelation and Health

Get ready for a month of revelations and enriching opportunities. The month begins with the New Moon in Scorpio inviting you to assess your emotional patterns, reorienting you toward powering up your inner belief and renewal. Begin an affirmation practice because this lunation will level up your manifestation abilities. Mercury gracing in your sign will invoke clarity and enhance your ability to articulate your ideas. Traveling or seeking out new experiences will be your go-to course, as Mars in Leo fuels your adventurous spirit, motivating you to seek a new perspective. Taking a class or engaging in higher study will fulfill you. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus shifts attention to your work life and health, helping you to assess your well-being. Release whatever is weighing down at work or mental patterns — focus on one thing at a time to ensure productivity. Later this month, your season begins while Mercury retrograde occurs. It will be beneficial to slow down and observe your personal goals and how you're showing yourself up for others.

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Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Themes: Community and Desires

Prepare for a month focused on community engagement and clarifying your core desires. The New Moon in Scorpio invites you to energize your social circles, sparking intentions for collaboration and shared goals. Be sure that your connections contribute to your vision — enthusiasm is vital for success. With Mercury moving into Sagittarius, you’ll gain insights into your emotional patterns, helping you navigate feelings more effectively. This is your chance to change what no longer meets your standards as Mars in Leo brings energy to transformative experiences in intimacy and with your vulnerability. Get to the root and realize what needs revamping. Mid-month, the Full Moon in Taurus shines a light on your creative and romantic pursuits, urging you to reassess what brings you joy and fulfillment. As Mercury retrograde approaches, take a moment to reflect on past experiences that shaped your emotional landscape; you might find clarity in revisiting old dreams and wishes.

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Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Themes: Professionalism and Family Roots

Get ready for a month rich in professional focus and social opportunities. The New Moon in Scorpio prompts you to define your career goals, inspiring strategic intentions for success. With Mercury entering Sagittarius, your attention shifts to building social networks and enhancing collaboration and networking potential. Love and partnerships will fire up as Mars in Leo energizes your connections, motivating you to seek mutual growth and shared ambitions. It's time to set the terms with your relationship — this will help you get answers involving its direction. The Full Moon in Taurus highlights your dynamics, prompting a reassessment of your foundational support systems. Revisit the old structures regarding your family roots and decide whether you want to implement this as your course moving forward. As Mercury retrograde sets in, consider reaching out to old friends or colleagues; reconnecting could spark fresh ideas and rejuvenate your professional aspirations and inner needs.

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Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Themes: Exploration and Purpose

You're in for a month of exploring and understanding your life purpose. The New Moon in Scorpio inspires a quest for new knowledge, guiding your intentions toward education, beliefs, or travel opportunities. It is time to fall in love with life by broadening your reach. As Mercury enters Sagittarius, your focus sharpens on your life purpose and public image, enhancing your ability to articulate your ambitions. Dig deeper and understand what stirs in your zest for life. Expect vitality and endurance as Mars in Leo energizes your daily tasks, fueling your enthusiasm for tackling responsibilities. Consider a health kick or a new regimen to help you keep up with your new endeavors. Your body is a temple, and this month is the starting point in getting things done with your motivation. The Full Moon in Taurus lights up your communication skills, enabling you to reassess your old ideas and how they can be cultivated. It's time to launch your idea or make room for something better. With Mercury retrograde approaching, reflect on past career choices; revisiting old projects or connections might unveil new growth opportunities.

With 2025 just around the corner, it’s the perfect time to explore how you can power up your year ahead. Lumi Pelinku invites you to dive deeper into your journey through an extended reading that can provide tailored insights and inspiration. Click here to book your reading today!

Wanna stay up-to-date on all things astrology? Be sure to sign up for our weekly newsletter!

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My Boyfriend Won’t Post Me On Instagram — Should I Be Mad?

We live in a "post your relationship so we know it's real" landscape, and I'd be lying if I said it hasn't made me wonder if there's a larger conversation to be had about it. Some people don't feel the need to post their romantic partner while others share their relationships in a way that rivals the best celebrity couples.

Everyone's different, but it's not not unheard of to question your partner's devotion if they're not posting you on Instagram. You may feel justified in your anger because "so and so" are always in cute pictures and videos together on social media — but are your feelings valid? The best person to answer this is licensed therapist Suzette Bray, LMFT. She has over 25 years of specializing in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and she's seen this topic come up plenty of times during sessions with clients, so grab a pen and paper to take notes!

Why do people want to share their relationship status with others?

Afif Ramdhasuma

My sister used to ask me this question when I was in my 20's, and I always looked at her like she had two heads growing. I couldn't fathom the idea that people wouldn't want to talk about their relationship online because it felt like everyone was doing it. I mean, a study from Pew Research Center shows 8 in 10 people on social media see relationship posts, so it clearly wasn't outrageous to think it was normal.

But, that still doesn't answer why people are drawn to sharing cute little updates about their partner or relationship. Luckily, Bray has a good indication of what drives people to give others a sneak peek into their lives. "People share their relationship status for all kinds of reasons. Some want to mark their territory — nothing says 'back off' quite like a cute couple selfie! Others are just excited and proud of their partner and want to share the joy," she says. That stems from people's "need for a sense of belonging or to receive positive reinforcement from others," she adds.

But, this doesn't necessarily make people weird. It's just human nature that makes us act the way we do. "We as humans are just hard wired to seek connection, and broadcasting our connections, makes us feel more accepted and secure in our social lives."

Should couples have conversations about their social media expectations?

Katrin Bolovtsova

I don't care how hot you think someone is, you're going to have to learn how to communicate with them. It's true even if your chemistry is off-the-charts because healthy relationships don't fall out of the sky. They're built via honesty, respect, forgiveness, and other important factors.

Before assuming your partner is or isn't okay with you posting about your relationship, Bray is 100% convinced you should talk things through. "Social media is still in the wild west of relationship etiquette, and without discussions, assumptions about 'correct' behavior can run wild," she hints. For example, you could be happily posting about your partner only for someone to point out that they're not following you on social media.

"Some people are super private, while others practically live their lives online. Misunderstandings happen when expectations aren't laid out so talking about it can prevent messiness in the long run," Bray observes.

If two people have gone on a couple of dates, should one of them be upset if the other isn't publicly talking about them?

RDNE Stock project

So, you swiped right on Tinder or Bumble, and you had a few amazing dates with one of your matches. Before you start publicly declaring your love for them, Bray wants you to reconsider. "Hold on! It's just a few dates! Let’s pump the brakes. The early stages of dating is not the time to make grand social declarations," she declares. As someone who tried to 'date' people from Tinder, those first few dates aren't a guarantee that you've found the love of your life.

"Posting someone on social media can feel like a big step to some people so expecting that level of public commitment too soon might be too much pressure. If you’re already thinking, 'Why haven’t they posted about me yet?' after two dates, it might be a good time to check in with yourself about where those expectations are coming from," advises Bray.

I've recovered from my former, "Is he the one" obsession so also take it from me — see where things go first and then refer back to question #2!

Is it a red flag if someone doesn't post their partner on social media?

Budgeron Bach

It would be so much fun if we personally had Dustin Poynter, the flag guy, from TikTok helping point us in the right direction — but this is one of those things that errs on the subjective side. Though Bray doesn't feel it's necessarily healthier to keep your relationship private, she thinks "context matters." "Some people are just more private or feel weird about social media in general," she says.

But, that doesn't mean certain behaviors don't warrant a few eyebrow raises. She notes," If someone is super active on social—like posting about their dog’s morning routine and every cupcake they’ve ever had—but doesn't ever mention their partner, it could create a need for a deeper conversation." Before you feel justified about grilling your partner — as satisfactory as that may feel — take a second to breathe.

Bray would prefer you work to understand "why they don't post, rather than assuming your partner is keep you a secret." If you discover the latter to be true, follow your instincts and let that person go because you don't deserve that!

Do you think it's healthier for couples to keep certain aspects of their relationship private?

Fábio Carvalho

Everyone has a different view of what makes a romantic relationship healthy, so this is one of those things Bray says, "absolutely depends on the couple" because some "genuinely enjoy sharing their lives online." You've probably seen your share of couples who make cute content together whether they're married or not. I'd be lying if I said I don't specifically keep up with a few whose content makes me smile.

But, other couples may not be interested in sharing their relationship online because they "want to be private and keep the relationship free from the judgements or opinions of others," according to Bray. That's not to say they have something to hide, though. Instead, think of it as a personal preference.

"As long as both partners are on the same page and it’s not a source of tension, it’s all about finding the balance that works for them. If it starts to feel like a performance for likes rather than genuine connection, though, that’s where it can become problematic," Bray reminds.

How can someone bring up their partner's posting habits without sounding accusatory?

Timur Weber

You may feel eager about posting about your partner while they're less enthusiastic and this could make you feel upset. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're already upset, but Bray feels "tone is everything." Ironically, she suggests something I've heard in therapy sessions and that's "to be curious, not confrontational." Hopefully this stopped you in your tracks if you were ready to give your partner a piece of your mind.

"You can say something like, 'Hey, I’ve noticed we haven’t shared much about each other on social media? What’s your take on sharing stuff about us online?' It’s important to frame it as a mutual exploration of rather than a demand for a public declaration," Bray points out.

What would you tell someone who wants to emulate couples who consistently post content together?

Vlada Karpovich

We've all seen couples who we think have the cutest relationship, even though we've never met them before. As much as you may admire a couple, Bray thinks it's a "slipper slope" if you want to try to recreate their online moments. "I’d encourage someone to focus more on what makes their own relationship feel fulfilling, rather than chasing #couplesgoals," she encourages.

However, this isn't a sign that you're not supposed to ever share anything about your partner or relationship! "If posting together feels fun and real, go for it! But if it starts feeling like a performance or that you are in competition with other couples, it's probably good to take a step back," she warns.

Also, keep in mind that social media doesn't show you every single moment of couples' lives so don't worry about trying to look picture perfect based on a 30 second to 30 minute video.

If you feel that your partner doesn't post you enough on social media, talk to them before launching into an angsty rant because your assumptions might not always be right. I wish someone would've shared this advice 10 years ago, but all that matters is knowing you don't have to let being upset about your partner's lack of relationship posts be the reason your day is ruined.

The problem arises when your partner doesn't seem receptive to talking about your concerns because dismissive or evasive attitudes are a no-no!

We have more relationship advice if you're looking for more romantic tips and tricks!

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Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco Are Literally Unrecognizable In Their Halloween Costume

Things are heating up betweenSelena Gomez and Benny Blanco since late last year to the surprise of some, but it seems like the couple's romance is just getting started. They're not shy about PDA and posting each other on social media and pretty much telling anyone who doesn't like it to get lost. We love how fiercely supportive they are of each other, giving us so many good green flags! Here's everything we know about the lovely new couple so far.

Selena Gomez And Benny Blanco's Relationship Timeline:

Amy Sussman/Getty Images

March 2019

Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco first collaborated on the song "I Can't Get Enough" along with Tainy and J. Balvin in 2019. Though they were featured in a cute scene together, there weren't any rumors about them being romantically linked then.

August 2023

They didn't work together again until late summer 2023 when he produced Selena's single "Single Soon" with Cashmere Cat.

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

December 2023

Before 2023 ended, Selena started leaving comments on Instagram that suggested she and Benny Blanco were in fact together. One of the comments she left appear on this Instagram fan page and it reads, "He is my absolute everything in my heart."

Some fans weren't so thrilled to see the two together though and they weren't afraid to express their opinions. But, this only prompted Selena to leave more comments that defended her relationship with Benny.

People grabbed a screenshot of one of the comments Selena responded that revealed the couple had been together for a while. "Not mad. It’s been 6 months bb. I will always defend my friends, family and fans till the day I die," she wrote. They even shared another screenshot from Selena's Instagram Story that showed her wearing a "B" ring on one of her fingers.

Craig Barritt/Getty Images for TIME

December 15, 2023

Soon after that, Selena shared a photo carousel on Instagram that included some of her favorite moments in New York and Benny Blanco can be seen in BTS moments. The last picture of the carousel features them sharing a kiss in a black and white photo that basically confirms the responses the singer had for fans.

December 28, 2023

Before the new year began, Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco spent some time at a cute art exhibit during a date. From the looks of things, it seemed like they discovered their love language of physical touch early on.

Presley Ann/Getty Images for GQ

January 2, 2024

Feeling the love of being with Selena, Benny Blanco took to Instagram Stories to officially signal that the two are dating. People grabbed a few more screenshots that Benny shared and all we can see is the happy glint that was in Selena's eyes.

Sarah Stier/Getty Images

January 3, 2024

The next day the couple were seen court side at one of the Los Angeles Lakers' game. Once again, their love language was on full display in the most intimate way. A source revealed to People that they understood why people had so many opinions about Selena's relationship with Benny. "Everyone was a fan of hers before Only Murders [in the Building], and now everyone is protective of her."

Neilson Barnard/Getty Images

January 15, 2024

Later that month, Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco showed up to the Emmy Awards together. They were sitting side-by-side and weren't afraid to show affection with each other.

Jesse Grant/Getty Images for AFI

March 2024

When Benny Blanco's birthday rolled around, Selena Gomez shared a sweet message to him on Instagram. She wrote, "Happy birthday baby! Your emotional endurance, positive disposition, unbelievable talent (that blows me away), undeniable humor and loving, kind heart absolutely kill me. I love you @itsbennyblanco 🎂🥹."

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

April 2024

Although we're only four months into the new year, Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's relationship is still going strong! The Only Murders in the Building star has been seen smiling in every pic she posts which indicates she's genuinely happy in her relationship. A source hinted to People that the two are doing well. "It’s a very serious relationship, and they’re making long distance work while she’s in New York for work commitments," they said.

Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images for Spotify

April 25, 2024

In an interview with WSJ, Benny Blanco gave his POV of how his relationship with Selena Gomez began and it was the cutest revelation. "It’s crazy how your partner could just be sitting there the whole time, right in front of your eyes...And then you have a Clueless moment where you're like, Wait, I'm in love," he says.

A man who compares his relationship to that moment in Clueless where Cher and Josh admit their feelings for each other gets brownie points from us!

May 15, 2024

It looks like Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's relationship may be ready for the next step — that's if you ask Mr. Blanco. He appeared on The Howard Stern Show yesterday to chat about everything, including his relationship with Selena. When Howard Stern asked, "You want to have kids with Selena? Have you told her you want to have kids yet," Benny replied, "That’s my next goal, to check the box. I have a ton of godkids. I've got a ton of nephews. I love being around kids."

However, he's not in a rush and wants everything to happen naturally. All that matters is that the two of them are in each other's life. He said, "I just know that when I look at her, I just say, ‘I don’t know a world where it could be better than this.’ That’s what I always say to her.”

Neilson Barnard/Getty Images

May 29, 2024

Selena Gomez tells TIME just how much Benny Blanco means to her — no matter what anyone else says. "My own fans, who I adore and feel like have shaped who I am, will say the most hurtful things to me about how I live my life," she says. "But he has the strength in him that none of that noise fazes him. It’s really impressive, and I just cherish every moment with him. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that he’s not going anywhere any time soon.”

Selena Gomez/Instagram

October 27, 2024

Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco looked amazing in their Alice in Wonderland couple's Halloween costume. "Curiouser and curiouser," Selena wrote on the post, which is totally reminding us of Taylor Swift's 1989 (hello "Wonderland"!!!).

Selena wore a corset dress in what looks like slate blue with cap puffed sleeves and a tulle skirt, along with a blonde wig, black bow, and slingback shoes. Benny went all out as the Mad Hatter with face paint, a wig, a top hat, and a waistcoat. We'd follow them down the rabbit hole!

What do you think about Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco's relationship?Follow us on Facebook for more celebrity news!

This post has been updated.

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'It Ends With Us' Star Brandon Sklenar's Next Movie Is Another BookTok Favorite

Gretchen Weiners' hair might be full of secrets in Mean Girls, but in Amanda Seyfried's new movie, her life is full of secrets. The Housemaid, based on the novel by Freida McFadden, follows Millie (played by Sydney Sweeney), who's down on her luck and in desperate need of a fresh start. When she snags a job as a housemaid in Nina's (Amanda Seyfried) beautiful home, it looks like things are finally moving in her favor. But all is not as it seems — and it doesn't take long for Millie to realize Nina's secrets are the most dangerous thing about her.

The book, which has sold over 3.6 million copies, has been on the New York Times Bestseller list for over a year and Amazon's Bestsellers list for 98 weeks (talk about popular). It was also the second-most-read title on Kindle for their 10th anniversary, so it's no surprise that the story is getting its own adaptation. Here's everything you need to know about The Housemaid starring Sydney Sweeney, Amanda Seyfried, and Brandon Sklenar.

  • The Housemaid by Freida McFadden is getting the movie treatment.
  • Amanda Seyfried and Sydney Sweeney will star as Nina and Millie, respectively, while Brandon Sklenar will star as Andrew.
  • Seyfried promises fans "I'm gonna do you well."

Who's in The Housemaid movie?

Jon Kopaloff/Andreas Rentz/Getty Images

The Housemaid Cast

The cast of The Housemaid will be led by Sydney Sweeney (Euphoria, Anyone But You) as Millie, Amanda Seyfried (Mamma Mia!, The Drop Out) as Nina, and Brandon Sklenar (It Ends With Us,Drop) as Andrew. Uma Thurman, Phoebe Dynevor, and Anthony Hopkins will also star. Check back here for the rest of the official cast list!

"I hope [die-hard fans of the book] accept this casting," Seyfried jokes in an interview with Bustle. "I know Sydney's amazing...I can't wait to work with her. I think we're going to have a lot of fun. But also, like, I don't know how people see Nina, my character...I hope they like the casting because the fans are the reason it's being made. So I'm here to tell all the fans that I'm gonna do you well."

"I can’t even express how excited I am to announce that #TheHousemaidMovie is coming soon!!!" McFadden said in an Instagram post. "@Lionsgate has come up with the absolute perfect cast and director, and I am just so grateful! I mean, Sydney Sweeney, Amanda Seyfried, and Paul Feig…mind blown!!!! I’m so honored and thankful to all my readers who helped make this dream come true!!!!!"

Is The Housemaid going to be made into a movie?

Anastasia Shuraeva/Pexels

Yes, Deadline announced on October 8 that The Housemaid would become a film, thanks to Hidden Pictures and Lionsgate. Paul Feig will direct, Rebecca Sonnenshine will write the script, and Todd Lieberman, Laura Fischer, and Feig will produce while Alex Young, author Freida McFadden, Sydney Sweeney, and Amanda Seyfried will executive produce.

“I’m thrilled to have The Housemaid join our upcoming slate,” said Adam Fogelson, chair of Lionsgate Motion Picture Group. “A great filmmaker and a great cast with a great script from a great book is a terrific place to start.”

“Part of the fun of the book was imagining the cast while we read it, and Sydney Sweeney and Amanda Seyfried are perfect for Millie and Nina – they’re both mysterious, nuanced, and incredibly skilled at becoming characters who don’t reveal everything right away,” said Erin Westerman, co-president of Lionsgate Motion Picture Group.

What is the plot of The Housemaid?

Amazon

The Housemaid Plot

Millie has one more chance at starting over, and taking a job as a housemaid for wealthy couple Nina and Andrew is the perfect place to start. But as she cleans, cooks, and takes care of their daughter, Millie quickly realizes her employers are far from perfect — even if they'll do anything to keep up appearances.

When is The Housemaid coming out?

Tima Miroshnichenko/Pexels

The Housemaid Release Date

We don't have an official release date for The Housemaid yet, but there's a good chance we could see it in 2025. Stay tuned for more news!

How many books are in the series The Housemaid?

Amazon

Freida McFadden has three books in The Housemaid series: The Housemaid, The Housemaid's Secret, and The Housemaid is Watching.

Is The Housemaid spicy?

hubbugaye/Pexels

There is some sex and violence in The Housemaid, but it's not as overwhelming as some other popular books on the market. One Goodreads user compares the content to what you'd watch in Law & Order: SVU or Criminal Minds. If you're concerned about one of your preteens reading this book, you could always read it first, or start a bookclub and read it together!

Read The 17 Best Mystery And Thriller Books For All Readers while it's still spooky season!

This post has been updated.

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