Room Service, Please: Top Hotels to Book For Your Next Friends’ Getaway

The FIRO framework looks at three different types of interpersonal needs:

• Inclusion, our need to belong. How much do you need to be part of a group? How much do you want to be included by other people in their groups, and how much do you want to include others in your group?
• Control, our need for influence. How much to you need to have clear direction and structure in your relationships, both on a one-to-one level and in groups
• Affection, our need for intimacy. How important is it for you to have close personal relationships with other people at a one-to-one level?

The FIRO looks at two different aspects for each of these areas. First, how much of that need is expressed to others, how much of that behavior we initiate to others. For Inclusion, for example, how much do we try to include other people in our activities – your FIRO Expressed Inclusion score. It also looks at how much we want from others.

• For Inclusion: How much do we need other people to include us in their group and involve us in their activities? Wanted Inclusion.
• For Control: The extent to which we try to influence and control others, and how much we want to be in an environment that provides us with structure and clarity. Expressed Control and Wanted Control.
• For Affection: How much we try to be warm and friendly to others, and how much we want others to be warm and friendly to us. Expressed and Wanted Affection.

That gives scores; Expressed and Wanted Inclusion,Expressed and Wanted Control,Expressed and Wanted Affection. And we can have a high, medium, or low score for each of these six areas.

So how can this explain why someone might be misunderstood? Well, this can happen when someone’s expressed and wanted scores are different. Let’s look at an example. Joe has high Expressed Inclusion, but low Wanted Inclusion. He wants to involve lots of people in his activities but doesn’t want them to include him in their activities. He’s likely seen by others as outgoing and sociable, but he also has a real need for privacy.

Because people see his high Expressed Inclusion, his friends are likely to invite or include him more than he wants to be, and he’ll refuse some of those invitations – which might leave them feeling hurt or otherwise harm the friendship. But knowing his FIRO profile will give Joe the language to describe his behavior and keep the friendship alive.

Of course, our interpersonal needs involve other people too. Let’s look at Joe alongside his friend Joan. Joe has high Expressed Inclusion and low Wanted Inclusion. Joan has low Expressed Inclusion and high Wanted Inclusion. This might make for a good relationship. Joe wants to include Joan (high Expressed Inclusion), and she wants to be included (high Wanted Inclusion). Joan doesn’t much want to include other people in her activities (low Expressed Inclusion), and that’s fine with Joe, who doesn’t much want to be included (low Wanted Inclusion).

However, things might be a little different on Affection. Joe has high Expressed Affection and high Wanted Affection. Joan is low on both. Joe wants to be warm and friendly with Joan, to get a connection, but Joan, with low Wanted Affection, doesn’t want that. And Joe is looking for warm and friendly behavior from Joan, which she probably doesn’t want to express. This may be an area where understanding their FIRO results helps them to understand why their relationship may sometimes be strained, and gives them the knowledge they need to make that relationship work.

So take a moment to think about your relationships, your friendships. Are there places where your best friend doesn’t seem to understand you, or you them? Are there times when they don’t quite seem to give you what you need, or vice versa? Maybe understanding your interpersonal needs, or knowing your FIRO profile, could help.

What are your hobbies?

My favorite thing to do when talking to a new friend is to ask them how they spend their time. Because while school and work can have elements of responsibility or obligation, hobbies are pure fun! This is a good question to open your small talk with because it'll help you both loosen up and think about something you love to do. Plus, if you end up learning you share a hobby, you have even more to talk about! (As I discovered during my conversation with author Yulin Kuang!)

What's your favorite way to unwind?

If you want your conversation to feel more relaxed, well, ask about relaxation! Whether your new friend does yoga, they spend a half hour doing skincare, or they read a book chapter every night, this question is sure to get a positive response. Speaking of books...

What are you watching or reading right now?

There are so many movies, TV shows, and books out right now that you're both bound to be in the middle of one title or another. I can (and do) spend hours upon hours talking about my favorite TV shows. This is one small talk question that can make even the most awkward convo enjoyable.

What fictional character is closest to your personality?

And if the TV conversation goes well, take it a step farther by asking which fictional character your new friend relates to the most. It'll give you a little more insight into their personality, and it's just plain fun.

Which Taylor Swift era are you in?

If you and your acquaintance are both Taylor Swift fans, dive deep into your current eras. Whether you're in your Lover era or you're embracing the carefree chaos of 1989, this is the perfect excuse to queue up your Taylor Swift playlist.

Are you a morning person or a night person?

If you're both morning people, you can bond over how nice it is to be the early birds, while two night people will have plenty to talk about when it comes to nightlife or the best places to look at the stars. And if you're opposites, you can give each other tips!

Are you a chocolate person, vanilla person, or neither?

I don't know about y'all, but I refuse to order ice cream unless it's chocolate. I love consistently knowing what to expect. Maybe your new friend feels the same way, or they prefer the spontaneity of ordering a new flavor every single time. Either way, it'll give you a look at their personality AND lead you to the ice cream store. It's a win-win.

What fruit are you?

My current go-to question was born out of my interview with The Outsiders cast (in honor of character Cherry Valance). My current answer is strawberry for a few simple reasons: you know what you're in for, it can be super sweet, and on a good day, it's the same on the inside at the outside.

What's something you're proud of this year?

It's crazy that we're halfway through 2024! Let the conversation take an exciting turn by remembering something fun, memorable, and beautiful.

What's one thing you want to check off your bucket list this year?

But don't spend all your time talking about the past! Think ahead to the second half of the year and talk about a dream or goal you have. It can be as small as finally ordering frames for your gallery wall or as big as scoring a promotion.

Where do you want to travel?

Summer's not over yet! Daydream about somewhere you'd like to see one day, like Italy or Seoul. And in the meantime, plan a day trip somewhere close by :).

My Favorite Face Moisturizers For Dry Skin

Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cream

I've been using Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cream for the past 3 years and it's been a miracle for my confused skin. IMO, it's not greasy despite having a richer texture than I'm used to. It actually feels soothing to me and I think that has everything to do with the 4.5 percent Squalene and Glacial Glycoprotein that's in it.

I typically use a hyaluronic acid serum in addition to this, but this facial cream is my go-to moisturizer.

Why Other Customers Love It

Other customers have a lot to say about this thick moisturizer, but the standout Amazon reviews are:

• "By profession I'm a cosmetologist so have decades of experience not only with hair products, but also with those concerning skin care. I've tried almost every item on the market and this is my favorite. It isn't heavy, yet provides plenty of moisturization. My face feels so soft! I'm a senior citizen and my skin tends to be dry, but just a little of this smoothes and hydrates it. You don't even need a primer. Makeup glides on."
• "This is the only moisturizer that doesn’t break out my extremely sensitive skin. I have rosacea and other products burn my skin and make my face even more red. I’ve been using this and it’s the only thing I can use."
• "This moisturizer feels great on the skin! I have mixed oily and dry skin and it has done so well. I recently switched from Tula to this brand and I have not regretted it. It does not cause breakouts and I feel like my face is hydrated the whole day. i would definitely recommend."
• "Nice product that gives some sun protection. A little thicker consistency than regular moisturizer but the convenience of not using sunscreen for daily errands. My DIL gave me this once for a birthday & I have been using ever since."

La Roche-Posay Triple Repair Moisturizing Cream

Okay, this moisturizer is a little pricier than the others I've mentioned, but it's La Roche-Posay! If you're looking at me with a blank stare, I'll do my best to explain. This is hands-down one of the best skincare brands I've come across in my 30s because a handful of their products have a seal of approval from the National Eczema Association.

It has shea butter and niacinamide in it, which are double threats against icky environmental elements that cling to dry skin. Plus, you can use it on your face, body and hands!

Why Other Customers Love It

Here are some of the best reviews on Amazon about this luxurious moisturizer:

• "This lotion has literally no fragrance. It leaves my skin feeling soft with a subtle glow without being greasy. It is also extremely hydrating. I have very sensitive skin, and the fact that babies can use it too is what made me decide to try it."
• "The first application was wild. It’s thick and feels pretty slippery on the surface. But the next morning, I didn’t want to stop touching my face. The flakes became way more manageable and allowed me to continue the retinitis treatment. I’ve been using this for a few weeks, and my skin texture has improved tremendously. It is great that you can use it on your body as well. I lather it on at night and then put a very light layer on under my sunscreen in the morning. It doesn’t make me look greasy if I let it soak in before applying makeup."
• "It instantly alleviated my dryness, leaving my skin radiant, glowy, and remarkably hydrated. As we transition into the winter months, I’m confident this cream will be a lifesaver against the harsh, windy weather we often experience in the Midwest."
• "As someone with sensitive and acne-prone skin, this has been a game changer. I can't imagine going without this product since starting tretinoin and tazarotene. I use it as a final step in my routine to seal in moisture and any active ingredients. La Roche-Posay has consistently made sensitive-skin-friendly products. I'm not sure how you may react to the high shea butter content, but my skin doesn't seem to have any issues with it. The thickness is unlike any lotion I've tried. 10/10 would recommend."

Olay Complete+ Rich Moisturizing Cream

Having sensitive skin isn't a death sentence for your face. It just means your skin is picky and only wants the best products to touch it, so technically it's like having a superpower. If you're still not convinced, let Olay's Complete+ Rich Moisturizing Cream persuade you.

It has vitamin B3, vitamin E, and ceramides in it that work together to provide all day hydration. Also, these powerhouse ingredients work together to promote healthy cell turnover so your gorgeous moisture barrier is in tip-top shape. P.S. It's recommended by the Skin Health Alliance.

Why Other Customers Love This Facial Moisturizer

Check out what these Amazon customers had to say:

• "I have extremely sensitive skin and this doesn't irritate my skin. I've tried and given up using many products (I'm 71). This cream makes my skin (face and neck) soft and hydrated. I use it several hours before bed and again in the morning. I alternate using it with another face skin care product."
• "I find this to be every bit as moisturizing, creamy, and long-lasting as any of the more expensive face creams that are all the rage these days. I have tried many of the face serums, creams, and lotions and do not think any of them work any better than this Olay Face Cream."
• "My mom used Olay products and her skin was immaculate! I started using it in my 30s and switched to other more popular, more expensive brands. I should have never stopped using it. I love this new moisturizer too! It feels amazing and makes my face look so smooth! I'm back Olay!"
• "Tried this because my husband’s dermatologist has the most beautiful skin. I asked the dr what he used and this was it. After using so many different moisturizers for years I always had red rough skin. Now after all these years the redness is gone!! Its definitely worth giving it a try."

My #1 Favorite Body Moisturizer For Dry Skin 

Palmer's Shea Formula Body Lotion

Since it's a little colder, I need something that's going to keep my skin moisturized without triggering eczema flareups. One of the top moisturizers that gets the job done is Palmer's Shea Formula Body Lotion.

I personally opt to get the value size of this because it lasts a little over a month for me. Why? Well, a little goes a long way because this dermatologist-approved formula is thick. But once I rub it into my skin, it provides the silkiest shine I've ever seen. Besides shea butter, it has Marula, oatmeal, grapeseed oil, and vitamin E in it to provide the radiance I love so much.

It's usually $16 on Amazon, but it's currently on sale for $13!

Why Other Customers Love It

According to Amazon, over 5,000 customers have purchased Palmer's Shea Formula body lotion this month. Also, it has a 4.6 rating which means I'm not the only one who loves using it. Here's my favorite 5-star reviews:

• "As someone who battles dry skin year-round, finding a reliable moisturizer has always been a challenge—until I discovered Palmer's Shea Formula Raw Shea Body Lotion. This lotion has been a game-changer for me, and I'm thrilled to share my experience."
• "The smell of this is amazing, makes my skin silky and smooth. great everyday lotion & the smell is subtle enough that it doesn’t overwhelm when I put my perfume on. My skin is plenty hydrated using this and I don’t notice any stickiness once it dries down."
• "So we are on our 4th bottle now. Loving the product? Yassss!"
• "We live in far Southern Az, where it is extremely dry (except during the monsoon). So we have had to start using skin lotions to make our skin feel better. This stuff is really great! And it lasts quite awhile."

Another Body Moisturizer I Love Using For Dry Skin

Aveeno Skin Relief Moisturizing Lotion

If I feel like switching things up, I'll buy Aveeno's Skin Relief Moisturizing Lotion. It has a triple oat (oat flour, extract, and oil) and shea formula that work wonders for anyone who knows how it feels to have dry skin you suddenly have to scratch all the time. It's basically tough on things that cause dry skin, but gentle on the sensitivity of it!

Why Other Customers Love It

This lotion actually has a slightly higher rating than Palmer's and has been purchased over 6,000 times this month. The only reason it's not my first go-to is because I have fond childhood memories of Palmer's. Aside from that, Aveeno is pretty d—n amazing!

Customers are saying:

• "My derm recommended it, my skin is now so soft, not dry anymore as long as I keep applying daily."
• "Love this lotion. I am super sensitive with lifelong relatively dry skin, and also super picky about my lotion quality and what I need."
• "I've tried high end lotions and they have nothing on this stuff! This lotion is incredibly soothing, providing instant relief and long-lasting hydration that keeps my skin feeling soft and smooth all day. The formula is gentle, fragrance-free, and absorbs quickly without leaving any greasy residue, making it perfect for daily use. I’ve noticed a significant improvement in my skin’s texture and overall comfort since I started using it."
• "I’ve tried so many - This is the Only lotion that keeps the moisture in my skin. I put it on in the morning and my skin is still soft and dewy at night and even the next morning."