If you’ve been doing the dating app thing for a while, chances are that you’ve started to notice a few patterns. You’ve found that some days are better than others for reaching out to romantic prospects and that using certain words tends to yield especially positive responses. Most importantly, you’ve made a mental list of hints that you can pick up from a profile that indicate either a promising match or a dismal conversation.
Author Ricki Schultz — who followed up her 2017 novel Mr. Right Swipewith Switch and Bait ($15) — has taken these patterns a step further, developing a list of 15 archetypes of “the guys you’ll find on Tinder.” Based on her own experiences of marrying and divorcing young, jumping back into dating, helping friends on dating apps, and writing books about online dating, these categories will sound familiar to any veteran of dating apps.
“These are generalizations, of course, and there are many combination profiles to be seen,” Schultz says of her list. “And as awful as everyone seems, remember: There are plenty of good ones out there. You’re on there, aren’t you? You’re not crazy, right?” Keep scrolling to learn more about Schultz’s 15 types, then swipe with caution!
1. The Entrepreneur: If your online dating experience is anything like Schultz’s, you probably run into a self-proclaimed entrepreneur several times per swipe session — and while this profile designation might be an indication of a creative, resourceful worker, the author also warns that it could be a sign of some ego imbalance. People who wave the entrepreneur flag a little too excitedly may not be so down to earth, she suggests.
2. The Headless Horseman: “This is the guy who’s just showing his (usually shaven) chest and nothing else,” Schultz says. “It’s cut off at the neck. There’s generally only one picture, like that’s all it takes to snag your interest.” If this doesn’t creep you out, we’re going to need you to explain.
3. The Sex Invitation: Anyone who’s been in the app dating game for more than a few months has probably learned to spot a single who’s only in it for a hookup from about a mile away. Schultz also advises you to be on the lookout for the occasional “profile where it’s a couple looking for a third person to spice things up a bit.” Be aware that this is out there!
4. The Lazy Profiler: Is there any situation in which lazy is a good thing? Not so much. The lazy Tinder profiler has a handful of (probably lame) photos and little to no written information. This is a red flag because it suggests that he’s entirely disengaged from the process of meeting a potential partner. “He knows society is telling him he should date and Tinder is easy, so he’s got a profile, but he doesn’t really care what he looks like in pictures and he probably thinks online dating is dumb anyway,” Schultz says.
5. The One With the Long Profile: In Schultz’s experience, prospects with long profiles tend to know exactly what they want in a S.O., which can often be a good thing! That being said, you’ll want to be sure you have a clear understanding of what all of those adjectives they have listed really mean before you get too invested. Does “active” mean up for a hike now and then, or is it code for “bodybuilder?” Does “family-minded” mean that you love your own family or that you want to have kids, like, yesterday? You’ll want to get answers to these questions ASAP from someone who falls into this category.
6. The Jilted Jeerer: Jilted Jeerers have already been burned by the world of dating, specifically in the context of apps and swiping. They’ll include a lot of stipulations in their profile about what kinds of singles “need not apply,” as well as a passive aggressive comment or two along the lines of “I’m looking for a good, honest woman.” We totally feel the pain of the Jilted Jeerer, but be sure you’re not dealing with any excessive bitterness here.
7. The Artsy Intellectual: Look for hats, snarky in-profile jokes, and mentions of a photography hobby. “He’s pretty interesting and not just trying to press all up on you,” Schultz says. “He might see you as too frivolous, though, if you start talking about young adult books you’re reading or Kylie’s latest makeup look. Enter at your own risk.”
8. The Musician: While Schultz herself has grown skeptical of pursuing relationships with any single who features a guitar or microphone in his profile picture, she notes that a love for — or a career in — music might actually be attractive to some.
9. The Pepé Le Pew: “This guy is the one whose profile is all about how he wants to treat you like a queen,” Schultz tells us. “The equivalent of taking long walks on the beach and wishing for world peace.” Words like this can sound really good, but it’s your job to determine how genuine they are… especially if they’ve been written into a general profile and aren’t directed at any one person in particular.
10. The Judgy Gymbo: The Judgy Gymbo is someone who puts his love of health and fitness at the very center of his dating profile, whether in the form of photos from his latest marathon or an extended ode to his CrossFit gym. This type can be a great match for someone who is equally into fitness, but if you prefer low-impact exercise like a leisurely bike ride or scenic walk, you may want to swipe left.
11. The Goofball: Not seeing a single serious profile picture in the bunch? You’re probably dealing with a classic Goofball. This kind of silly personality could be appealing, but you might want to take pause if you’re not seeing any evidencethat this person could be a practical, down-to-earth partner in the future.
12. The Pretty Boy: You can identify a Pretty Boy by his profile picture selection… and not only because he’s, well, pretty. Look for singles who seem hyper-aware of their appearance in photos. If a person only posts professional headshots of himself on a dating app, it could be a sign that he’s generally disinterested in anything candid or natural, even from you. “Engaging with this one is just going to make you insecure,” Schultz warns.
13. The No Pen Pals Guy: No Pen Pals Guy doesn’t want to waste a lot of time sending messages back and forth. He wants to meet IRL as soon as he can get you to accept a calendar invite on Google. This might come off as a bit aggressive, but keep in mind that it could also be a sign that he simply hates online dating or prefers face-to-face interactions. Only you’ll be able to gauge if his eagerness indicates a creepy hookup fixation or a real interest in getting to know you more authentically.
14. The Man in the Woods: “He’s one of these that doesn’t care too much about what he’s got on his profile,” Schultz explains. “He might be slight in his words. He posts what he thinks represents things he thinks are cool, like holding a fish.” The author says that this guy may lean narcissistic (“Who cares if my future partner is actually interested in any of these things?”) or is simply clueless. Your call.
15. The Serial Group Photo Poster: This is the guy who seems unwilling to share an individual photo of himself. If you have to spend too much time trying to figure out which person in the group pic you’re actually supposed to be swiping on, there might be some insecurities at play.
Is this breakdown true of your own experience on dating apps? Tweet us @BritandCo!
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(Featured photo via Getty)
