10 Self-Care Essentials to Keep You Calm on Your Wedding Day

1. Singling Out The Bride

Witnessing your best friend, cousin, or sister get married is sure to make you sentimental because you've probably known them since childhood. But, this isn't the time to solely focus on the love you have for the bride.

"Make the toast about the couple as an entity … not just one person. Even if you find yourself a bit in the dark about your best friend's new spouse, or just not really knowing them on that deep of a level in general, that's okay," Drye says. This also applies if you don't like the other person. 👀

She also says you can echo things you've learned about about the new spouse "over the last several months/years" so that you can highlight the newlyweds in a positive way. "The couple is beginning this next phase in their lifelong journey together, and you should think of your toast as a loving send-off to both of them as a package deal."

2. Mentioning Embarrassing Stories

We get it. You've had a front row seat to the bride's shenanigans over the years and keep a mental photo book of every embarrassing moment she's had.

"Avoid overly embarrassing anecdotes, especially those that might make the couple or guests uncomfortable. There is a time and place for funny story-swapping, but this ain't it," Drye says.

Though you may think it's hilarious, talking about the time the bride pooped her pants during a hike isn't something everyone may want to hear. We're sure she's been trying to forget ever since it happened, so leave this between the two of you...and nature.

3. Bringing Up Exes Or Past Situations

The thought that someone might mention the bride's previous relationships — or even flings — make us turn red with second-hand embarrassment! According to Drye, it's a huge no-no during your Maid of Honor speech!

Drye says, "Stay clear of mentioning any of the couple’s past relationships or exes—it’s awkward and unnecessary. The toast should be about the couple and their life together -- not digging up past flames."

Seriously, the bride's parents don't need to know about any hot hookups, nor do they want to be reminded of the one person that continuously broke their child's heart. Let's leave those comments for your next girls' night debrief!

4. Making Inside Jokes

Inside jokes are cool! Most people develop them without even trying, which is what makes them so personal. But that's it — sometimes they're just too personal. "While inside jokes can be funny, they can alienate guests who aren’t in on them," Drye says.

That doesn't mean Drye thinks you can't have a little fun, though. You can mention "one inside joke for the couple," but save overly "cryptic" funny moments for one-on-one conversations.

5. Choosing The Wrong Time To Be A Comedian

There's a reason Drye keeps advising you to steer clear of too many hilarious moments during your Maid of Honor speech. "It's really staggering how many people think that the wedding toast has to be a comedy act! Of course, everyone loves to laugh, but if you're trying hard to be funny ... guess what? You're usually not," she says.

It may sound harsh, but I wish more people had someone to steer them away potentially embarrassing moments like this. You may be known for a being a lot of things, but it's important to also know your own limits.

Drye notes, "If on-cue humor is not your niche, don't force it. Take the opportunity to just do you." There's a reason you were chosen to be the bride's Maid of Honor, so embrace that instead of the amateur hour comedy routine no one asked for.

6. Mentioning Tense Family Dynamics

Weddings can highlight tense family dynamics on their own — that one cousin that's not invited, the overbearing mother-in-law, etc — but your job isn't to verbally point them out. "Don’t bring up family tensions, divorces, or any sensitive issues related to family or friends. This has never, ever served well in the history of wedding toasts," Drye says.

Let's avoid making people uncomfortable, please!

7. Reminiscing About Wild Party Days

TBH, we'd cry if someone brought up our past party days during our weddings. Although we probably have fond memories of them, we don't want our grandparents to know we shotgunned a beer with a stranger on the street that one time.

"Stories about wild college parties, bachelorette antics, or any instances involving excessive drinking or risky behavior might be entertaining for a small circle but can come off as cringe for a wedding crowd that includes parents, grandparents, and possibly children," Drye says.

Even if you're the Maid of Honor at a wedding that has a 'no children' policy, leave those memories buried for the time being. In the words of Drye, it's "not a good look" to mention them!

8. Picking At Negative Qualities Of The Bride And Groom

Everyone will send you to a Passive-Aggressives Anonymous meeting if you use your speech to poke at the bride or groom's negative qualities. Their wedding isn't an indicator that anyone thinks they're perfect, but it's also THEIR day. Let's not make them the butt of every joke, okay?

"It's a wedding toast, not a wedding roast. Even in jest, avoid highlighting negative traits or annoying habits of the newlyweds," says Drye. She encourages you to "keep the tone positive and uplighting" by only "highlighting the qualities that make them...incredible persons and friends."

In other words, don't make the bride regret choosing you to be her Maid of Honor.

9. Complaining About Wedding Costs

We know weddings can be pricey and have even talked about how to decline being a bridesmaid to one if you're budgeting. But if you choose to be the bride's maid of honor, you're accepting whatever comes with that. "Comments about how much things cost, who paid for what, or financial situations are tacky and should be avoided," Drye reminds.

You may want to check in with yourself before your speech so that you don't let your personal feelings or situation interfere with your toast.

10. Expressing Too Much Gratitude

There's a reason why awards shows start playing music when the winner's oh-so grateful speech is long-winded. It serves as a polite reminder for them to "wrap it up" so there's not any lags in the program.

"While it’s nice to thank people, it’s best not to go overboard — keep the focus on the couple. You'll quickly lose people's interest if you're just listing names," says Drye.

Remember, keep it short and cute!

11. Using Crude Language

We shouldn't have to mention this, but some people seem to think there's no problem with potty language in front of everyone they meet. Drye says, "Avoid crude jokes, swearing, or anything that could offend older guests or young children. Keep it classy!"

It's only for one day, so you'll survive if you're not saying your favorite curse word every other sentence.

12. Predicting The Couple's Future

This socially accepted thing is actually one of the red flags we should collectively toss to the side. It always starts with, "What are your plans after college" and ends with, "So when are you getting married or having kids?" Everyone's not always up to hear or answer these questions so don't use your speech as a time to make your own predictions about the couple.

"Making predictions, like when they’ll have kids or how their lives will unfold, can feel presumptuous and pressure-filled. (Not to mention the general fact that no one should ever comment on someone else's decision/ability to have/not to have children!)," Drye says.

What you can do is "wish them happiness and a bright future." Basically, leave out the weird specifics!

When turning down a bridesmaid offer, Dunlap suggest using the "sandwich method" here — AKA saying something complimentary, giving the bad news, and ending on another positive, complimentary note. Seems simple enough, right?

She suggest saying, "I'm so excited for your wedding! Thank you so much for thinking of me! I am so honored. However, at this time I really can't afford the commitment of being a bridesmaid, but I would love to support you in any other way I can."

With this phrasing Dunlap says you're accomplishing three key things:

1. Setting expectations
2. Validating the friendship
3. Maintaining your own financial boundaries

1. Actually Use Your Planner In 2025

We're not buying pretty planners just so they can collect dust on our desks or coffee tables anymore. Corry Frazier and Melissa Pepin want you to get serious because they feel "it starts with planning." They don't mean the kind you eventually flake on either.

"Effective planning is key to maintaining balance and reducing burnout. Whether you're mapping out tasks, meetings, or events, dedicated time for preparation ensures focus and reduces stress," they say. In other words, "the more intentional you are in planning, the more productive you'll be," according to them.

Ever since I've been blocking out my tasks by hour in planner, I've been able to get more done without feeling overwhelmed by splitting my time between writing and being in mommy mode. Frazier and Pepin suggest that you "set weekly planning sessions" that consist of "30-60 minutes each weekend to map out your upcoming week."

This eventually "reduces decision fatigue, fosters a sense of control, and helps you start Monday with clarity and purpose," they add. Yes, this is a sign that you'll be breaking up with the dreaded 'Sunday scaries' if you follow their advice. "You'll feel proactive and grounded rather than reacting to the week as it unfolds," they agree.

2. Embrace A "Fake Commute" When Working From Home

One of Kayla Baum's tips is to switch up your routine if you're a remote worker. Rolling out of the bed at the last minute before logging on for work sounds appealing until you realize you're uninspired by your days. But, what is a "fake commute?"

"It mimics the structure of a traditional commute to establish a boundary between work and personal life. This could mean taking a walk around the block, doing a 10-minute guided meditation, or even just changing clothes at the end of the day," Baum mentions.

Based on her experience, she's found that "it works because it provides a psychological buffer, helping to separate work and home life." She feels it's "crucial for positive mental health and boosting productivity at work (and at home)."

You can also create a separate work space that's not in your bedroom to get work done! That's helped me tremendously so I'm not sleeping and working in the same area.

3. Focus On High-Impact Tasks

Similar to planning your work days as best as you can, Frazier and Pepin want you to "prioritize the tasks that align with your goals." To minimize distractions, they want you to ask yourself:

• What is the most effective use of my time right now?

4. Stop Making Daily Decisions Hard

Tasks like your morning routine or figuring out what you'll eat don't have to take up a chunk of your time anymore. "Use productivity hacks, such as pre-planning meals or laying out weekly outfits," suggest Frazier and Pepin. They feel that "small routines like this eliminate unnecessary choices" to "make mornings smoother."

According to them, it's "especially helpful for families juggling multiple schedules." I couldn't agree more because I've spent so many frazzled mornings trying to make decisions about what myself and my toddler would wear or eat instead of planning them. With the help of my fiancé, we've cut so much time in half by being prepared ahead of time instead of 'winging it' before work.

5. Understand What Your Boundaries Are And Set Them

Worried that you'll be considered 'mean' if you tell your manager or coworkers what your boundaries are at work? Depending on your environment, it's 100% understandable. However, you're human and there's no reason you should be over-performing to your detriment. Frazier and Pepin say, "Set boundaries and communicate clearly. Adopt Brené Brown's mantra: 'To be clear is to be kind.'"

They encourage you to not only "be upfront about your schedule to manage others' expectations," but it's also so you can "avoid over-commitment." Say it with me: I will not make false promises just to appease others. Why?

Frazier and Pepin say, "Don't be afraid to say no to side projects or anything that doesn't align with your goals."

6. Ignore Emails Sent After Your Work Hours

I've been guilty of sending an email after work to acknowledge that I saw something, but I never expect other people to feel obligated to respond until the next business day. On the flip side, I've felt pressured to answer something that feels timely and I've gone to sleep thinking about the sender's potential follow-up email.

"Just because a coworker chooses to work late at night doesn't mean you must answer. One helpful trick is to include your working days and hours in your signature, explaining that responses may be delayed outside of those times," Frazier and Pepin say. They even have a prompt you can use if you're not sure what to type:

• "My working hours are [Your Working Hours, e.g., 9 AM - 4 PM ET]. Please note that these may differ from your local time zone. I appreciate your understanding and will respond to emails during my working hours."

I can't wait to start utilizing this...for research purposes only 👀.

7. Please, log off from work when it's time.

Unless you're scheduled to work late, take the time to log off from work and not think about it until the next day. Baum says, "Commit to fully logging off once the workday ends—no 'quick email replies' or sneaking in work over the weekend." I'm eyeing you Ms. "I just need to send a quick email" while you're on vacation or spending time with your significant other.

Baum says creating this separation works because "fully disconnecting allows your mind to reset and recharge" which ends up "making you more efficient, creative, and focused during actual work hours." According to her, you'll eventually "improve personal well-being" and "enhance long-term work performance."

As soon as my work day is over, I make a beeline for the shower so I can decompress. After that, I take my time with my skincare routine and keep my phone out of reach so I'm not tempted to look at anything work-related. I'm not always successful, but I've noticed a difference in my mood since making this shift.

8. Speak Up When You're Feeling Overwhelmed

And if you're 100% drained because you've been trying to tackle work tasks during and after hours, Frazier and Pepin want you to speak up. "If you're feeling overwhelmed with your workload, approach your manager with honesty and a focus on solutions," they suggest. Here's another prompt of theirs you can use:

• "I've been noticing that my workload has extended beyond regular hours, and maintaining balance is becoming challenging. Could we discuss prioritizing tasks or adjusting expectations to ensure I can deliver quality work without compromising my well-being?"