What Your Instagram Filter of Choice Says About Your Personality

Why do people want to share their relationship status with others?

My sister used to ask me this question when I was in my 20's, and I always looked at her like she had two heads growing. I couldn't fathom the idea that people wouldn't want to talk about their relationship online because it felt like everyone was doing it. I mean, a study from Pew Research Center shows 8 in 10 people on social media see relationship posts, so it clearly wasn't outrageous to think it was normal.

But, that still doesn't answer why people are drawn to sharing cute little updates about their partner or relationship. Luckily, Bray has a good indication of what drives people to give others a sneak peek into their lives. "People share their relationship status for all kinds of reasons. Some want to mark their territory — nothing says 'back off' quite like a cute couple selfie! Others are just excited and proud of their partner and want to share the joy," she says. That stems from people's "need for a sense of belonging or to receive positive reinforcement from others," she adds.

But, this doesn't necessarily make people weird. It's just human nature that makes us act the way we do. "We as humans are just hard wired to seek connection, and broadcasting our connections, makes us feel more accepted and secure in our social lives."

Should couples have conversations about their social media expectations?

I don't care how hot you think someone is, you're going to have to learn how to communicate with them. It's true even if your chemistry is off-the-charts because healthy relationships don't fall out of the sky. They're built via honesty, respect, forgiveness, and other important factors.

Before assuming your partner is or isn't okay with you posting about your relationship, Bray is 100% convinced you should talk things through. "Social media is still in the wild west of relationship etiquette, and without discussions, assumptions about 'correct' behavior can run wild," she hints. For example, you could be happily posting about your partner only for someone to point out that they're not following you on social media.

"Some people are super private, while others practically live their lives online. Misunderstandings happen when expectations aren't laid out so talking about it can prevent messiness in the long run," Bray observes.

If two people have gone on a couple of dates, should one of them be upset if the other isn't publicly talking about them?

So, you swiped right on Tinder or Bumble, and you had a few amazing dates with one of your matches. Before you start publicly declaring your love for them, Bray wants you to reconsider. "Hold on! It's just a few dates! Let’s pump the brakes. The early stages of dating is not the time to make grand social declarations," she declares. As someone who tried to 'date' people from Tinder, those first few dates aren't a guarantee that you've found the love of your life.

"Posting someone on social media can feel like a big step to some people so expecting that level of public commitment too soon might be too much pressure. If you’re already thinking, 'Why haven’t they posted about me yet?' after two dates, it might be a good time to check in with yourself about where those expectations are coming from," advises Bray.

I've recovered from my former, "Is he the one" obsession so also take it from me — see where things go first and then refer back to question #2!

Is it a red flag if someone doesn't post their partner on social media?

It would be so much fun if we personally had Dustin Poynter, the flag guy, from TikTok helping point us in the right direction — but this is one of those things that errs on the subjective side. Though Bray doesn't feel it's necessarily healthier to keep your relationship private, she thinks "context matters." "Some people are just more private or feel weird about social media in general," she says.

But, that doesn't mean certain behaviors don't warrant a few eyebrow raises. She notes," If someone is super active on social—like posting about their dog’s morning routine and every cupcake they’ve ever had—but doesn't ever mention their partner, it could create a need for a deeper conversation." Before you feel justified about grilling your partner — as satisfactory as that may feel — take a second to breathe.

Bray would prefer you work to understand "why they don't post, rather than assuming your partner is keep you a secret." If you discover the latter to be true, follow your instincts and let that person go because you don't deserve that!

Do you think it's healthier for couples to keep certain aspects of their relationship private?

Everyone has a different view of what makes a romantic relationship healthy, so this is one of those things Bray says, "absolutely depends on the couple" because some "genuinely enjoy sharing their lives online." You've probably seen your share of couples who make cute content together whether they're married or not. I'd be lying if I said I don't specifically keep up with a few whose content makes me smile.

But, other couples may not be interested in sharing their relationship online because they "want to be private and keep the relationship free from the judgements or opinions of others," according to Bray. That's not to say they have something to hide, though. Instead, think of it as a personal preference.

"As long as both partners are on the same page and it’s not a source of tension, it’s all about finding the balance that works for them. If it starts to feel like a performance for likes rather than genuine connection, though, that’s where it can become problematic," Bray reminds.

How can someone bring up their partner's posting habits without sounding accusatory?

You may feel eager about posting about your partner while they're less enthusiastic and this could make you feel upset. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're already upset, but Bray feels "tone is everything." Ironically, she suggests something I've heard in therapy sessions and that's "to be curious, not confrontational." Hopefully this stopped you in your tracks if you were ready to give your partner a piece of your mind.

"You can say something like, 'Hey, I’ve noticed we haven’t shared much about each other on social media? What’s your take on sharing stuff about us online?' It’s important to frame it as a mutual exploration of rather than a demand for a public declaration," Bray points out.

What would you tell someone who wants to emulate couples who consistently post content together?

We've all seen couples who we think have the cutest relationship, even though we've never met them before. As much as you may admire a couple, Bray thinks it's a "slipper slope" if you want to try to recreate their online moments. "I’d encourage someone to focus more on what makes their own relationship feel fulfilling, rather than chasing #couplesgoals," she encourages.

However, this isn't a sign that you're not supposed to ever share anything about your partner or relationship! "If posting together feels fun and real, go for it! But if it starts feeling like a performance or that you are in competition with other couples, it's probably good to take a step back," she warns.

Also, keep in mind that social media doesn't show you every single moment of couples' lives so don't worry about trying to look picture perfect based on a 30 second to 30 minute video.

Monica Barbaro loved working with Timothée Chalamet on 'A Complete Unknown.'

Monica revealed in a Rolling Stone interview that she met Timothée Chalamet a week before filming — and that he was already more-or-less in character. "The first time we met was a music rehearsal," she tells Brit + Co exclusively. "So we just really launched right into it, which was nice because I admired his work so much from afar and any level of intimidation that I may have had, I could just sort of funnel into music prep, which was great."

"It was a beautiful experience of getting to hear our voices harmonize as these characters and hear the accompaniment of our guitars," she continues. "And we were able to kind of like anchor ourselves in the music and have sort of a meeting of minds that was maybe a little more similar to Joan and Bob because they met in the music scene as already very proficient musicians. So that was a beautiful magical day. And then we like launched right into filming."

Monica Barbaro (who you'll recognize from Top Gun2) stars as musician Joan Baez, and even though Monica had to learn how to play guitar for the role, you'd never guess just by watching the film. She carries herself with such confidence and ease that I'd have believed she'd been playing her whole life. And the fact her voice sounds like a Disney princess is just the cherry on top.

"I'm not a singer, I didn't play guitar," she says. "So there was sort of this introductory level thing going on where I just had to figure out how to form my hands and in some way, I thought about how she might have done that at like 14, I think, when she first picked up guitar. But that was just like an overhaul of everything — I mean, all my time just poured into that training."

She was doing her own research, but also worked with vocal coach Eric Vetro, who's also worked with Ariana Grande, Sabrina Carpenter, and Shawn Mendes. "He encouraged me to consider what the lyrics of songs meant to her," Monica says. "Because the best musicians are storytellers and that's one of the best things about he renditions of these folk songs is you feel the story of the song."

And because of that, focusing on the lyrics "was also a part of the character development. So there were sort of siloed things like voice, guitar research, and then her speaking voice," she says. "And then all of those things started to just kind of like meld, you know. You have to play and sing at the same time and tell a story and do it from the perspective of Joan. And so so they just sort of over time kind of like bridged."

But no matter how much prep Monica, Timothée, and Elle Fanning (who stars as Sylvie Russo) did for the film, they still had to film in the middle of New York City, which came with its own set of 2024-specific challenges. "It was interesting to be filming and have people sneaking videos and posting them on the internet," she says, admitting that she "really just tried to turn all of that off to the best of my ability."

The film highlights the tension between celebrity and fame, considering we meet Bob Dylan right before he becomes, well, Bob Dylan. "It's a privilege to have to have so much attention and excitement on a project and I appreciate the intent, but you kind of just sort of turn it off a little bit and disengage," Monica says, "especially when you're talking about just a very different kind of fame in the sixties."