5 Times Holding a Grudge Can Be Good for You

1. If you don't cook often, surprise your spouse with their favorite dinner recipe.

Saiter says you or your spouse "can make time for small gestures of kindness and thoughtfulness, like cooking" each other's "favorite meal." We don't know everything, but we're aware that home-cooked meals mean a lot to some people. Eating out is fun, but seeing someone put time and effort into a meal for you feels more personal.

2. Allow your partner to sleep in while you handle bank runs, grocery shopping, and other chores.

One of the other ways to each other's heart is "...running errands to show love and appreciation," according to Saiter. This can look like letting your partner rest while you handle early morning visits to the bank or grocery store before traffic picks up on the weekend.

Setting aside time for shared hobbies or interests can also be incredibly rejuvenating. For instance, taking a class together, whether it’s cooking, dancing, or photography, can help in discovering new aspects of each other and create fun, shared memories.

3. Sign up for a dance or photography class together.

If you've been thinking about taking a cooking, wine, dance, or photography class together, now's the time to do so! Saiter says, "Setting aside time for shared hobbies or interests can also be incredibly rejuvenating." Before you roll your eyes because you think you and your spouse don't have anything in common anymore, take a step back to remember what it was like when you were dating.

You probably went on different dates like going to the bowling alley, visiting a pumpkin patch, or even taking a candle class together for fun. Doing this again "can help in discovering new aspects of each other and create fun, shared memories," according to Saiter.

4. Verbally share why you're grateful for each other.

Yes, it's time for you and your spouse to remember why you chose to exchange vows. "...practicing gratitude by regularly expressing appreciation for each other's qualities and contributions can strengthen the emotional bond and bring back the warmth and closeness," Saiter says.

You can tell your partner you appreciate the times they've sensed something was wrong and knew just what to say to cheer you up. Also, you could simply thank them for remembering to take out the trash without you having to ask.

There's no rulebook that says expressing thanks for each other has to be elaborate and drawn out. It's just something to help you remember how much you see each other.

5. Set aside time to hold hands or cuddle everyday.

If you or your spouse are experiencing a drop in your libido, physical intimacy be hard to navigate. Saiter says, "Overcoming a 'dry spell' requires open communication and a willingness to explore underlying issues." As difficult as it may be, don't be afraid to express concerns because "there are many feelings and unsaid wants underneath the 'dry spell,'" he adds.

Doing something as simple as "prioritizing physical, non-sexual touch" is one way way Saiter believes can help you and your spouse become close again. You do things like "holding hands, cuddling, or sharing a long hug," to add a little spark back to what you had.

6. Pencil in date nights.

How many times have your or spouse asked, "Who has time for date night?" Wait, we don't want to know because chances are one of you have said it one too many times to count. Saiter says, "Planning regular date nights or weekends away can also help break the routine and create a sense of adventure in the relationship."

Communicating and being open to trying new things in the bedroom, like role-playing, using toys, or trying new positions, can also reignite the spark and make things exciting again.

You can also try revisiting places or activities that were significant earlier in your relationship to evoke nostalgic, passionate feelings and remind you both of your deep connection.

7. Let your adventurous side show in the bedroom.

If one of you are comfortable initiating sex again, let your fun side call the shots. However, Saiter wants to make sure you're "communicating" before surprising your spouse. "...being open to trying new things in the bedroom, like role-playing, using toys, or trying new positions" is one of the ways he thinks you can reconnect behind closed doors. It's all about finding safe ways to "reignite the spark and make things exciting again," he shares!

8. Revisit the place you fell in love with your spouse.

If you remember the exact time and place you knew your spouse was the one, Saiter suggests revisiting it to "evoke nostalgic, passionate feelings and remind you both of your deep connection." Whether it was at your local pizza parlor, the park, or even at a place like Disney World, find your why again.

My spouse and I are doing great after incorporating these tips, but how can we stay consistent?

Saiter says, "Life gets busy, but it’s crucial to carve out time for each other. Treat it like any other important appointment—block off time in your schedule for date nights, family dinners, or just time relaxing together." Maybe you think it should sound so simple, but it is. Like Saiter says, you have to prioritize your marriage just like you do everything and everyone else.

Ways to help you do so are limiting "distractions by putting away phones and other devices" to "talk about your dreams, unwind together or simply enjoy each other's company," he adds. Still struggling?

"It might also be helpful to look over your daily responsibilities together to make sure the workload at home is shared fairly. Building a strong and fulfilling relationship takes effort and commitment. By prioritizing your partner, communicating openly, and making time for each other, you can strengthen your bond and reignite the spark," Saiter suggests.

I keep hearing about the winter arc challenge, but what is it?

According to TODAY, influencer Carly Bergesshared a viral video talking about the trend at the end of September. Her TikTok platform is all about taking steps to improve yourself, hence why she emphasized the winter arc's goal of inspiring people to not slack off their goals just because the year is ending. It's meant to cover the time between October 1 and January 1 — approximately 90 days, or the length of time it takes to form a habit.

Dr. Lane says the winter arc "encourages people to 'lock in' on self-improvement goals for the last few months of the year." That sounds like setting new years resolutions right? I thought so too, but she says this challenge or trend aims to help people "be their best selves." It feels more specific, which makes all the more it intriguing.

"In terms of the winter arc, an example of this may be someone reflecting on their year thus far and thinking how they 'didn't accomplish anything' because they didn't lose the 20 pounds they had hoped to lose, and thus they may completely lose sight of the things that they DID accomplish over the year," she adds. The examples she gives are:

• Successfully starting an exercise routine
• Cooking more meals at home
• Opting to order out less
• Accomplishing things unrelated to goals

5 Ways You Can Embrace The Winter Arc In 2025!

1. Get An Adequate Amount Of Rest

We've already dug into sleepmaxxing and it's benefits, so we think this is definitely one of the ways you can optimize your winter arc. Not only does it involve getting at least 7 hours of sleep each night, but there's an emphasis on making sure your bedtime routine and sleep environment are also promoting something positive. This means everything from limiting your screen time before bed to keeping your room cool at night.

Dr. Lane says, "Try to view rest as a choice that's aligned with your values rather than as a sign of laziness. Use this time of year as an opportunity to reconnect with whatever matters most to you, whether that's family, time for self-reflection, etc."

2. Eat A Balanced Breakfast

If this sounds simple, it's because it is. How many times have you skipped breakfast this year only to find yourself with a raging migraine around lunch time? PIedmont Healthcaresuggests that foregoing meals can lead to "low blood sugar," causing us to eat more things that aren't healthy. Even if you're in a hurry, try to at least eat breakfast that includes fruit and fiber.

3. Practice Gratitude

Gratitude journaling is one of the things we love talking about at Brit + Co. It's something we've been relying on when things get rough and it's a good thing because Dr. Lane suggests living in a state of gratitude. "Research shows that taking a few moments to reflect on specific things you are grateful for can have a profound impact on your overall mental health and well-being," she says.

When everyone's talking about everything they've achieved in 2024, she believes "it's easy to have FOMO and/or feel like we aren't doing 'enough,'" but "a daily gratitude practice can shift the focus to what IS going well in your life and help you to be more present with that." How does she suggest you practice gratitude?

• "Write down 3 good things that happened at the end of the day everyday, as well as why those things happened (the WHY is important as it often allows you to give yourself credit for the meaningful/impactful things you've done). You can even extend this more broadly and reflect on good things that happened over the past year and why those things happened."

4. Find Something To Enjoy Everyday

It doesn't take much to find something to be upset about everyday. It actually feels like our brains look for it. But, Dr. Lane wants you to try to retrain your mind so you're not focusing on everything that went went wrong in any given day. "Be mindful of savoring enjoyable parts of your day-to-day-routine. This could include things like savoring a warm cup of tea, walking in nature, or journaling at the start or end of the day." Even if someone cut you off in traffic, your favorite Starbucks order will likely make you forget about the small infraction

5. Set Small, Meaningful Goals

Even though you may be looking to have your shot at having a winter arc, you don't have to set huge goals just because someone else is. "Instead of aiming for big year-end milestones, focus on small, purposeful actions that are aligned with your values, like 'spend 10 minutes in silence' or 'call someone who brings me joy,'" Dr. Lane encourages. As far as we see it, achieving goals that matter to you means you've probably already been having a winter arc without naming it.

The official winter arc challenge timeline is almost over, and I have FOMO!

Okay, take a deep breath. You're not behind because you've never heard of this trend and feel like you're missing out on something. "As a psychologist who specializes in burnout, I have often seen firsthand the negative impacts that our self-improvement culture can have on people's overall well-being," states Dr. Lane.

From her POV, ignoring the winter arc trend may be better for you because it's a way of "protecting your energy." The call to move away from hustle culture is real with Dr. Lane saying the winter arc "can pressure people into unnecessary busyness, draining energy that could be better spent resting or connecting with loved ones."

Also, it's possible that you're not 100% on board with the winter arc trend. "What works for others may not align with your personal priorities or values — and that's okay," she adds. In this day and age, she feels "it can be empowering to decide what truly serves you versus going along with a popular trend."

If you don't feel energized right now, you don't have to pretend you're in the mood to improve yourself weeks before the new year arrives. According to Dr. Lane, "Winter is a natural time for reflection, restoration, and stillness." While you shouldn't be telling yourself that you'll rest when you're dead, she's adamant about you getting as much rest as you need."Rest isn't just an option — it's essential for overall well-being and entering the new year with clarity."

Should you feel anxious about missing the majority of the winter arc's timeline, here's what Dr. Lane says you can do:

• Try Breathwork: Simple techniques like 4-7-8 breathing (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7, exhale for 8) can calm the nervous system in just a few minutes.
• Engage the Senses: Use grounding exercises like the 5-4-3-2-1 method (naming five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste). These can bring you back to the present moment.
• Prioritize Restorative Routines: Focus on activities that recharge your system, like consistent sleep, gentle movement, time outdoors, or unplugging from screens in the evening.
• Set Boundaries: There are so many demands and expectations on our time, attention, and energy this time of year - both from the outside world and from ourselves. I recommend being intentional around your boundaries for this time of year and even writing them down. This could include things like the amount of time you'll stay at certain social events, events/requests that you will plan to say "no" to, etc. Planning these things in advance can help you feel more empowered to stick to the plan if/when these things come up
• Reflect Without Judgment: Instead of dwelling on what didn’t go as planned this year, acknowledge the lessons learned and focus on what you did achieve or overcome.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize the small joys or successes from the year—whether it’s navigating a tough season, prioritizing self-care, or simply making it through.

Blake Lively's The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Co-Stars

Most upsetting is the unabashed exploitation of domestic violence survivors' stories to silence a woman who asked for safety. The hypocrisy is astounding.

We are struck by the reality that even if a woman is as strong, celebrated, and resourced as our friend Blake, she can still face forceful retaliation for daring to ask for a safe work environment. We are inspired by our sister's courage to stand up for herself and others.

For anyone seeking more information or engaging in this important conversation online, please read the full legal complaint in the investigative reporting by Megan Twohey, Mike McIntire, and Julie Tate for the New York Times.

Colleen Hoover, Author of It Ends With Us

Paul Feig, Director of A Simple Favor

Director Paul Feig also shared his thoughts about what it's like to work with Blake on X. He said, "I’ve now made two movies with Blake and all I can say is she’s one of the most professional, creative, collaborative, talented and kind people I’ve ever worked with. She truly did not deserve any of this smear campaign against her. I think it’s awful she was put through this."

Robyn Lively, Blake Lively's Sister

The sisterly energy is real and we're so glad Blake is surrounded by it. Robyn, Blake's big sister, shared her full thoughts in a lengthy Instagram caption just 10 hours!

While encouraging people to do research for themselves by reading The New York Times article that details the devious plot to publicly destroy Blake, she had other things to say. "We live in an age where we have access to people’s personal lives like never before — especially actors. It makes us feel like we know them. We see them on social media, watch clips of them, and make snap decisions about their character," she wrote. This reminds me of the parasocial relationships author Amanda Montell detailed in The Age of Magical Overthinking — definitely something for us all to keep in mind.

She also called out how easy it is for the media to warp the public's perception of the truth. "The 'truth' in the tabloids is hardly ever what you think," she added before eventually expressing how "proud" she is that her sister "didn't allow herself to be silenced in the face of adversity and lies."

Bart Johnson, Blake Lively's Brother-in-law

According to Page Six, Blake's brother-in-law Bart Johnson didn't hesitate to share his thoughts about the behavior of Baldoni and his team. He reportedly wrote, "Her complaints were filed during the filming. On record. Long before the public conflict. The cast unfollowed him [Baldoni] for a reason." in the comment section of the NYT Instagram post about the lengthy deep dive into what happened.

He continued by writing, "His PR team was stellar. Gross and disgusting but highly effective. Read the article, their text message exchanges and his PR campaign strategy to bury her by any means necessary. No one is with out [sic] faults. But the public got played."