Why We Should Stop Complaining About and Start Embracing Adulthood

Jul 31, 2017

Us 20- and 30-somethings spend a lot of time lamenting the struggles of being grown ups. The still new-ish word “adulting” (or, more often, #adulting) has even allowed us to put a name to those challenges, and it’s launched an entire subcategory of social media geared toward the millennial set as we continue to make the tricky transition into life as full-blown adults. Totally intimidated by the process of doing your own taxes? Tweet about it. Meal prepping on a Saturday night instead of going out with friends? Snap a pic and post it to Instagram. So exhausted after a week of work that you couldn’t possibly bring yourself to clean the apartment? The Facebook community will definitely want to hear all about it. As long as it’s tagged with #adulting, the universe will know that it’s all in good fun, and that you’re not really a mopey 25-year-old who wishes Mommy and Daddy were still around to help. Right?

Honestly, I don’t know. I’m as guilty of this kind of social media behavior as any other millennial (and I just so happen to cover the “adulting” category for this very website), but when I take a step back and really think about it, I’m just not so sure that these posts are such a good look for us. For literally decades, people have come of age and taken on adult responsibilities without feeling the need to share it with an entire social network (a social network that, may I remind you, didn’t even exist for many of them!). When my grandmother fought like hell to get the education she so wanted and finally made it happen, she didn’t have Twitter to turn to for validation of her drive and independence, AKA #adulting. When my dad made his first car payment, he didn’t take a screenshot of the receipt and add it to his Snap story. Our older family members became fully self-sufficient without an internet from which to seek commiseration or congratulations. So why can’t we do the same?

This trend toward grumpy #adulting makes me especially sad when I think about how excited 11-year-old Alli was to simply be a grown up. She couldn’t wait to overcome middle school and puberty and awkward first kisses and seemingly pointless homework (in my case, the awkward first kisses came well after the vast majority of the homework). She would be so disappointed to discover that adult Alli would one day find adult life to be such a chore. My younger counterpart might be really proud of the number of dogs that would one day follow her grown-up self on Instagram, but she’d probably want to throw out social media altogether if she saw the way I would one day use it to drop #adulting as a dirty word.

My call to action here is that we think about our butt-kicking predecessors and our wide-eyed, can’t-wait-to-grow-up, younger selves the next time we think about taking to social media to complain about the frustrations of adulthood. Being a grown up really isn’t so bad! Consider the fact that, as grown ups, we have license to order anything we want for dinner, or to hang out with friends without permission, or to decide for ourselves whether we’re sick enough to leave early for the day. We get to build our own relationships, watch TV late at night, and choose our own breakfast cereal — even if it is the sugary kind. And while “real life” is full of barriers and budgets and plenty of rejection, “adulting” really means that we get to call our own shots, so if we choose to feel sorry for ourselves, then we should look no further than into a mirror when we want to place the blame.

Being a grown up is hard, and I would never claim that it’s all Chinese takeout and middle-of-the-night Hulu marathons. As I write this, I’m nervously waiting for a call back from the company that manages my 401(k), and there’s a stack of groceries sitting on my kitchen counter that I probably should have put away 45 minutes ago. These circumstances, though, are just a basic reality of being an independent human being. They’re not somehow unique to us because we happen to be #adulting in the 2017 world of Twitter and Instagram live.

I don’t know what young adulthood is going to look like for our children and grandchildren, but I do know that they’ll have access to the full scope of our social media output — and I, for one, don’t want them to judge me for whining about how hard it is to get my car inspected or to order new contacts. I would totally judge me for that, so clearly, something has to change.

Come on, fellow grown ups! Let’s team up to take the sting of adulthood. That’s right — adulthood, not #adulting. It’s not all bad. And even when it is, we get to eat ice cream for lunch. Just try and tell me that’s not a perk.

What do you think about #adulting? Tweet us @BritandCo!

(Photo via Getty)

My Boyfriend Won’t Post Me On Instagram — Should I Be Mad?

We live in a "post your relationship so we know it's real" landscape, and I'd be lying if I said it hasn't made me wonder if there's a larger conversation to be had about it. Some people don't feel the need to post their romantic partner while others share their relationships in a way that rivals the best celebrity couples.

Everyone's different, but it's not not unheard of to question your partner's devotion if they're not posting you on Instagram. You may feel justified in your anger because "so and so" are always in cute pictures and videos together on social media — but are your feelings valid? The best person to answer this is licensed therapist Suzette Bray, LMFT. She has over 25 years of specializing in Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and she's seen this topic come up plenty of times during sessions with clients, so grab a pen and paper to take notes!

Why do people want to share their relationship status with others?

Afif Ramdhasuma

My sister used to ask me this question when I was in my 20's, and I always looked at her like she had two heads growing. I couldn't fathom the idea that people wouldn't want to talk about their relationship online because it felt like everyone was doing it. I mean, a study from Pew Research Center shows 8 in 10 people on social media see relationship posts, so it clearly wasn't outrageous to think it was normal.

But, that still doesn't answer why people are drawn to sharing cute little updates about their partner or relationship. Luckily, Bray has a good indication of what drives people to give others a sneak peek into their lives. "People share their relationship status for all kinds of reasons. Some want to mark their territory — nothing says 'back off' quite like a cute couple selfie! Others are just excited and proud of their partner and want to share the joy," she says. That stems from people's "need for a sense of belonging or to receive positive reinforcement from others," she adds.

But, this doesn't necessarily make people weird. It's just human nature that makes us act the way we do. "We as humans are just hard wired to seek connection, and broadcasting our connections, makes us feel more accepted and secure in our social lives."

Should couples have conversations about their social media expectations?

Katrin Bolovtsova

I don't care how hot you think someone is, you're going to have to learn how to communicate with them. It's true even if your chemistry is off-the-charts because healthy relationships don't fall out of the sky. They're built via honesty, respect, forgiveness, and other important factors.

Before assuming your partner is or isn't okay with you posting about your relationship, Bray is 100% convinced you should talk things through. "Social media is still in the wild west of relationship etiquette, and without discussions, assumptions about 'correct' behavior can run wild," she hints. For example, you could be happily posting about your partner only for someone to point out that they're not following you on social media.

"Some people are super private, while others practically live their lives online. Misunderstandings happen when expectations aren't laid out so talking about it can prevent messiness in the long run," Bray observes.

If two people have gone on a couple of dates, should one of them be upset if the other isn't publicly talking about them?

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So, you swiped right on Tinder or Bumble, and you had a few amazing dates with one of your matches. Before you start publicly declaring your love for them, Bray wants you to reconsider. "Hold on! It's just a few dates! Let’s pump the brakes. The early stages of dating is not the time to make grand social declarations," she declares. As someone who tried to 'date' people from Tinder, those first few dates aren't a guarantee that you've found the love of your life.

"Posting someone on social media can feel like a big step to some people so expecting that level of public commitment too soon might be too much pressure. If you’re already thinking, 'Why haven’t they posted about me yet?' after two dates, it might be a good time to check in with yourself about where those expectations are coming from," advises Bray.

I've recovered from my former, "Is he the one" obsession so also take it from me — see where things go first and then refer back to question #2!

Is it a red flag if someone doesn't post their partner on social media?

Budgeron Bach

It would be so much fun if we personally had Dustin Poynter, the flag guy, from TikTok helping point us in the right direction — but this is one of those things that errs on the subjective side. Though Bray doesn't feel it's necessarily healthier to keep your relationship private, she thinks "context matters." "Some people are just more private or feel weird about social media in general," she says.

But, that doesn't mean certain behaviors don't warrant a few eyebrow raises. She notes," If someone is super active on social—like posting about their dog’s morning routine and every cupcake they’ve ever had—but doesn't ever mention their partner, it could create a need for a deeper conversation." Before you feel justified about grilling your partner — as satisfactory as that may feel — take a second to breathe.

Bray would prefer you work to understand "why they don't post, rather than assuming your partner is keep you a secret." If you discover the latter to be true, follow your instincts and let that person go because you don't deserve that!

Do you think it's healthier for couples to keep certain aspects of their relationship private?

Fábio Carvalho

Everyone has a different view of what makes a romantic relationship healthy, so this is one of those things Bray says, "absolutely depends on the couple" because some "genuinely enjoy sharing their lives online." You've probably seen your share of couples who make cute content together whether they're married or not. I'd be lying if I said I don't specifically keep up with a few whose content makes me smile.

But, other couples may not be interested in sharing their relationship online because they "want to be private and keep the relationship free from the judgements or opinions of others," according to Bray. That's not to say they have something to hide, though. Instead, think of it as a personal preference.

"As long as both partners are on the same page and it’s not a source of tension, it’s all about finding the balance that works for them. If it starts to feel like a performance for likes rather than genuine connection, though, that’s where it can become problematic," Bray reminds.

How can someone bring up their partner's posting habits without sounding accusatory?

Timur Weber

You may feel eager about posting about your partner while they're less enthusiastic and this could make you feel upset. It's easy to jump to conclusions when you're already upset, but Bray feels "tone is everything." Ironically, she suggests something I've heard in therapy sessions and that's "to be curious, not confrontational." Hopefully this stopped you in your tracks if you were ready to give your partner a piece of your mind.

"You can say something like, 'Hey, I’ve noticed we haven’t shared much about each other on social media? What’s your take on sharing stuff about us online?' It’s important to frame it as a mutual exploration of rather than a demand for a public declaration," Bray points out.

What would you tell someone who wants to emulate couples who consistently post content together?

Vlada Karpovich

We've all seen couples who we think have the cutest relationship, even though we've never met them before. As much as you may admire a couple, Bray thinks it's a "slipper slope" if you want to try to recreate their online moments. "I’d encourage someone to focus more on what makes their own relationship feel fulfilling, rather than chasing #couplesgoals," she encourages.

However, this isn't a sign that you're not supposed to ever share anything about your partner or relationship! "If posting together feels fun and real, go for it! But if it starts feeling like a performance or that you are in competition with other couples, it's probably good to take a step back," she warns.

Also, keep in mind that social media doesn't show you every single moment of couples' lives so don't worry about trying to look picture perfect based on a 30 second to 30 minute video.

If you feel that your partner doesn't post you enough on social media, talk to them before launching into an angsty rant because your assumptions might not always be right. I wish someone would've shared this advice 10 years ago, but all that matters is knowing you don't have to let being upset about your partner's lack of relationship posts be the reason your day is ruined.

The problem arises when your partner doesn't seem receptive to talking about your concerns because dismissive or evasive attitudes are a no-no!

We have more relationship advice if you're looking for more romantic tips and tricks!

Why Timothée Chalamet Abandoned “Good Friend” Austin Butler’s ‘Elvis’ Method For Bob Dylan Role

Austin Butler as Elvis, Selena Gomez as Linda Rondstat, and now Timothée Chalamet as Bob Dylan — there will never be enough biopics for me! (The real question is when are we going to get a Taylor Swift movie?). When pictures from the set of the new Bob Dylan movie, A Complete Unknown, hit Twitter, I had to do a double take because Timothée Chalamet looks so much like the musician I couldn't believe my eyes! You can watch the A Complete Unknown trailer here.

Timothée is going to be joined by Met Gala queen Elle Fanning, as well as Top Gun superstar Monica Barbaro. Here's everything you need to know about the movie — and our favorite Bob Dylan songs to listen to while you wait for its release.

Keep reading to see the latest updates from Timothée Chalamet's Bob Dylan biopic A Complete Unknown.

Timothée Chalamet stars in A Complete Unknown, coming to theaters December 25, 2024.
He's joined by Elle Fanning and Monica Barbaro.
The movie follows Bob Dylan's career in the 1960s as he rises to fame and later shifts from folk to rock'n'roll.

Did Timothée Chalamet take inspiration from Austin Butler’s Elvis?

Timothée Chalamet recently revealed that while he originally wanted to approach A Complete Unknown by taking direct inspiration from Bob Dylan, he quickly changed his tone...so to speak. "Somebody once said to me, you can't make a movie about a painter because it's not interesting to watch paint dry," he says in People's exclusive video. "Bob has that element because he's not one of these forward-facing musicians."

While Timmy saw Natalie Portman a sequence in Jackie "step-for-step exactly what Jackie did," and paid attention to "all this stuff that I saw my good friend Austin Butler crush it with on Elvis," he quickly realized "I gotta do none of this because this is not my style."

"Bob did not have a vocal coach," he continues. "He had two bottles of red wine and four packs of cigarettes. There's no way to impersonate that." One of my favorite things about biopics is seeing how a well-known actor portrays a recognizable figure. And you can see Timothée Chalamet's interpretation of Bob Dylan in theaters December 25!

Monica Barbaro Sings Her Heart Out

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We got a look at Monica Barbaro as singer-songwriter Joan Baez, who was one of the first major artists in the 1960s to record Bob Dylan's music!

I was super impressed to learn Timothée showed up and sang live for the film. "It was important for me to play and sing on set because it was in the spirit of the movie to do it live," he says in a video from People. "Many of the artists through American pop culture that had the balls to turn their back on what was expected of them, that moment started with Bob. His words are relevant; 'Times They are A Changing' ' is relevant, 'Blowin' in the Wind' is relevant."

Elle Fanning and Timothée Chalamet In "A Complete Unknown"

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Elle Fanning totally embodies the late '60s vibe in this fall outfit. The bold maroon blazer, the long straight hair, and the striped turtleneck — I love it all! Elle is starring this Bob Dylan movie as Sylvie Russo, a university student and artist Bob falls for in the '60s.

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Thanks to some onset leaks, we also got a glimpse of the movie's version of The Freewheelin'! Elle Fanning and Timothée Chalamet look incredible as Sylvia Russo and Bob Dylan. I'm a sucker for any kind of recreation, so seeing this new version of the classic record cover is incredible!!

The First Pictures From Timothée Chalamet's Bob Dylan Movie

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Timothée Chalamet has totally transformed into Bob Dylan on the set of A Complete Unknown. And when I saw the pictures of Timothée carrying the guitar my jaw dropped!! He completely engrossed himself in Wonka and Dune 2 and I'm so excited to see him do the same for this Bob Dylan movie.

What is the movie about Bob Dylan called?

H. Thompson/Evening Standard/Hulton Archive/Amy Sussman/Getty Images

A Complete Unknown Plot

Timothée Chalamet's Bob Dylan movie is called A Complete Unknown. The movie filmed around New York City in the spring of 2024, and James Mangold is serving as director (you might recognize his name from Logan, Girl, Interrupted, and Walk the Line). The movie will cover the period during the 1960s when Bob Dylan shifted from folk to rock'n'roll, changing the face of pop culture (and culture in general, TBH), forever.

"When that movie finally comes out, people are going to be shocked because you're going to think you're hearing Bob Dylan sing," vocal coach Eric Vetro tells PEOPLE. "[Timothée Chalamet] just has this uncanny ability to not impersonate, but really breathe life into it. He's embodying Bob Dylan and what he was like at that age."

Who else is in A Complete Unknown with Timothée Chalamet?

Amy Sussman/Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images/Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for The Gotham Film & Media Institute

A Complete Unknown Cast

The A Complete Unknown cast is incredible! Alongside Timothée Chalamet as Bob Dylan, we'll see Top Gun: Maverick's Monica Barbaro as Joan Baez, Elle Fanning as Sylvie Russo, Edward Norton as Pete Seeger, Boyd Holbrook as Johnny Cash, and Nick Offerman as Alan Lomax.

When is the Bob Dylan movie coming out?

Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

A Complete Unknown Release Date

A Complete Unknown will hit theaters on December 25, 2024. And since Timothée Chalamet has been seen in turtlenecks, hats, and jackets on set, this sounds like the perfect cozy movie to me!

I always need some brand new music to listen to once the weather gets chilly, and I will for sure be listening to anything Timothée records.

What song did Bob Dylan write for a movie?

Christopher Polk/Getty Images for VH1

Bob Dylan wrote "Things Have Changed" for the 2000 movie Wonder Boys, which starred Michael Douglas, Tobey Maguire, and Katie Holmes. This Bob Dylan song ended up winning the Academy Award for Best Original Songand the Golden Globe Award for Best Original Song!

"Knockin' On Heaven's Door," which is arguably the singer's most popular track, was released two months after the 1973 premiere of Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid as a part of the film's soundtrack.

What are some other Bob Dylan songs to listen to?

Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

I totally agree that one of the best Bob Dylan songs is "Knockin' On Heaven's Door," but "Blowin' In The Wind" and "The Times They Are A-Changin'" are also great songs to listen to if you're a new Bob Dylan fan. So far, "The Times They Are A-Changin'" is my personal favorite song.

His style is the perfect blend of rock and folk that reminds me of summer picnics and walks in the woods. His sound also reportedly inspired Taylor Swift's Folklore!

What are you most excited to see in Timothée Chalamet's Bob Dylan movie A Complete Unknown? Check out our Facebook for more movie news!

This post has been updated.

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How To Build A Local Community When You’re A Digital Creator

Verizon

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In our Take 5 series, sponsored by Verizon, we ask women in business about unexpected challenges, their inspirations, recent wins, and how the free Verizon Small Business Digital Ready Program has helped propel their business forward. Here, we meet Rita Suzanne, a marketing strategist for health and wellness businesses who learned to network, connect with other entrepreneurs, and build her business online and IRL.

What's an unexpected business challenge that you've had to face and how did you overcome it?

The hardest thing for me was my sister passed away and I ended up taking custody of my nieces. I ended up being a single mom of four kids. This is the thing that transitioned my whole entire life. I stopped doing web design and started my podcast Mom Owned and Operated. I wanted to reconnect with other moms and figure out how they were able to run their businesses and raise a family and take care of themselves because I wasn't able to do all three at the same time. Through that journey, I realized that I really needed to connect with other people and how important it was for my business. It helped me to create that community that I was yearning for that I didn't realize that I needed.

What's a recent small win for your business?

For me, the win was just pivoting back to something that I actually wanted to do. Also, I’ve started to say no to things that I no longer want to do.

Who is a woman in business that you look up to and why?

I have always admired and looked up to Amy Porterfield [author of Two Weeks Notice]. I listened to her all the time when I was starting out. I think that she's amazing and I love her stuff. She just seems like a very genuine person.

Is there a resource that has made an impact on you as an entrepreneur?

I listen to a lot of audio books. One of my favorites that has been huge for me is You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero. I was told when I first started my business, by a friend who was a business coach, that I have a mindset problem. Ten years ago, I had no idea even what “mindset” was. Sincero’s book helped me to see what she meant by “mindset” and helped me adjust that mindset and fix some of the things that I didn't realize were broken.

How has the Verizon Small Business Digital Ready Program helped propel your business forward?

There are a lot of things that I have loved about it. There are local networking and training opportunities, and that has been great, and the online training is very valuable. It's a great resource. I find that marketing needs a three-tiered approach, meaning you need to network it locally, socially, and then also have a very comprehensive online approach to your marketing. One of the Verizon Small Business trainings that I took was all about taking advantage of your local resources. I found that to be extremely valuable because often people think they need to just focus on social media. I don't think that people focus enough on their local community.

Learn more about the free Verizon Small Business Digital Ready Program and Rita Suzanne.

Illustration by Daniela Jordan-Villaveces

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Renée Zellwegger & Leo Woodall Prove Age Gaps Are Sexy In 'Bridget Jones: Mad About The Boy' Trailer

If you're a rom-com fan who also can't get enough of Jane Austen's books, you've probably seen the Bridget Jones movies. The story (which is loosely based on Pride & Prejudice) follows the titular Bridget Jones, a 30-something who sets out on a mission to improve herself over the course of a year while she looks for a partner. And, in true romantic movie form, she keeps a diary the whole time. Not only can we rewatch the original trilogy as many times as we want, but we're also getting a fourth movie! Here's everything we know about Bridget Jones 4.