Why You Really Can’t Change Another Person

Everybody loves a good fixer-upper, and this applies just as much to dating as it does to interior decorating; the inclination to date people who need to be “saved” is a common one. Unfortunately, unlike homes, people aren’t as easy to flip. In fact, Dr. Alexis Conason, a licensed psychologist from New York City, says trying to change others is an entirely futile pursuit.

Entering into a relationship with the intention of changing your partner poses problems from the get-go. So often, Conason says, she encounters people who start dating someone with an idealized vision of that person and hope they’ll evolve into this vision during their time together. Conason does not condone this mindset, saying, “It is important to engage in a relationship based on who the person actually is, not who you wish they would be, and then move forward from there.”

Despite this, the desire to change and fix people is still pretty common. What people hope to change about others and why varies from person to person. Conason lists three primary motivations: People want to change in others things they don’t like about themselves; people want to change others to be more receptive to their personal needs in a relationship (e.g., we want our partner to be more caring); and people want to change in others aspects related to their own unresolved conflicts (e.g., someone who is scared of intimacy may choose a distant partner purposefully and then wish for them to be more intimate with them.)

So, why do we do all this? “It is hard for us to accept how little control we have over some things in life,” Conason explains. “Trying to change other people gives us a false sense of control and comfort.” And although there is nothing inherently “wrong” with or shameful about wanting your partner to change, it can be detrimental to both parties — the “changer” is left feeling emotionally drained and the “changee” may feel undervalued. “This dynamic more commonly leads to people feeling shut down, alone, or paralyzed,” Conason comments.

One thing we can change is ourselves and the way we relate to others, which ultimately leads to changed relationships. “Relationships are stable systems, and when one element changes, it disrupts the whole environment of the relationship,” Conason says. “The system/relationship works to restore homeostasis by changing in an attempt to find a new stability.” Hence, changing your own behaviors and interactions results in a changed dynamic. Conason warns about the success of this strategy, though: “No guarantee they will be the changes you want.”

Have you ever tried to change a partner? Tweet us your story @BritandCo.

(Photo via Getty)

Knowing when a relationship should end is incredibly challenging, especially if you saw a long-lasting, beautiful future with that person. However, stepping out of a situation that's not right for you can be incredibly empowering, as you're taking the first step to embracing the life you want for yourself. In today's Ask An Astrologist column, one Scorpio wants to know if — and how — she should break free from a long-term relationship that's not giving her what she needs. Read more to learn how our favorite astrologist, Lumi Pelinku, suggests she finally cut the cord!

Abbey Kline

Dear Lumi: Here is my challenge: I have been with a man for ten years — someone I have deeply loved and to whom I tied all my hopes and dreams. Yet, he has shown me that my hopes and dreams will never come true with him. He proposed and then changed his mind. I wanted to start a family, but he had a nervous breakdown instead. While he wants to stay together, we are only great companions, which has been a real challenge for the past three years. The fear of never having what I want if I leave overwhelms me. So, the question is: should I stay or should I go?

-Nicole, Brooklyn, NY

Supriya Bores

Dear Nicole: A woman who knows what she wants from the start, but doesn't see those promises fulfilled often falls into a repeating pattern. Love evolves, but the mind and body can play tricks if you're not aligned with your soul's desires. Observe how much energy you have left after waiting for him to change. How much effort are you putting into making him happy? As a holistic synergy coach, I see that you have given him your mind, body, and soul, yet he hasn’t delivered on his promises of family or commitment. If you’re ready to break ties, you must believe another person can grant your wishes. The Universe reflects what we embody and experience. Patterns of disappointment and false security will persist if your partner remains stuck in his reality. This situation might work for him, but is it working for you?

Your Scorpio Sun signifies a path of regeneration and self-empowerment. Your role is to rise above outdated patterns and align with your true vision. Scorpios are on a quest to confront and transform the sources of their struggles. We all create our destinies, but when we cling to wishing for someone or something to change, it won’t unless we take action. Having strong Scorpio energy in your chart, I’ve been where you are. I faced similar fears in my marriage. I realized over time that my partner wouldn’t change, and staying made me feel depleted and cut off from abundance. I feared the grief of ending the relationship, which felt like facing death. Yet, from the other side of that grief, I can tell you that you’ll emerge restored and vibrant, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. As a Pisces Sun, I can attest that leaving was incredibly hard, but I’m grateful for it.

Hannah Quist

With your Pisces rising, you have the tools to adapt to life's changes. You’re spiritually gifted and connected, and you will become stronger as you align with your intuition. Your Leo Moon gives you the fire to attract incredible opportunities or, conversely, fall into recurring patterns. Embrace your worth, and know you deserve a love story that nurtures your well-being.

Your chart’s blend of water and fire shows powerful manifestation abilities. Believe you can attract an amazing partner, but focus on clearing your energy and moving forward. Looking back should only help you avoid repeating past mistakes. If you decide to leave, commit to moving forward without second-guessing. Breaking free will allow you to attract the life and love you truly desire. For you, as a Scorpio Sun, this is an essential rite of passage. Once you move through it, you’ll be amazed at the magic that awaits you.

With Love and Stars,

Lumi

How To Cord-Cut In Relationships

Irene García

1. Prepare: Close your eyes and enter a meditative state. Ground yourself by feeling connected to the Earth and center your energy by focusing on your breath.

2. Identify Cords: With your energy senses active, scan your aura to find toxic cords of attachment. Gently trace each cord to see what it's connected to — people, places, objects, beliefs, or past experiences.

3. Cut the Cords: Visualize your dominant hand as an energetic knife. Spread your fingers and move your hand through each cord to sever it. As you do this, say silently or aloud, "I completely release you from my life." Breathe deeply between cuts to stay centered.

Destiny Buchman

4. Send Thanks: After cutting all the cords, sit quietly for a few minutes. Send gratitude and love to what you've released, acknowledging their role in your growth.

5. Finalize: Conclude the meditation and take a shower to cleanse and ground your energy.

Join Lumi live on September 15th for an insightful astrology event held remotely! She will dive into the Lunar Eclipse's impact on each zodiac sign and experience a live sound bowl healing session to help you realign and recharge. Don't miss this chance to connect with the cosmos and yourself. Click this link to learn more!

Looking for more astrological advice? Be sure to submit a question to Lumi here!

Header image via Cora Pursley

As soon as we swap our sandals and summer dresses for cozy sweaters, we start getting in the mood to watch Hocus Pocus. The original 1993 film is full of nostalgia, laughs, and impeccable New England fall foliage. After 2022's sequel broke records across the board, we learned that Hocus Pocus 3 in the series is officially in the works. Start planning your group Halloween costume — the holiday's come early!

Will there be a Hocus Pocus 3?

Matt Kennedy/Disney

Yes, Hocus Pocus 3 is in development! In a recent interview with The New York Times, Walt Disney Pictures president Sean Bailey confirmed the three-quel is in development.

When will Hocus Pocus 3 come out?

Matt Kennedy/Disney

We don't have an official release date for Hocus Pocus 3 yet, and Bette Midler recently revealed she hasn't actually seen a script yet. “I haven’t seen the script, but I’ve heard rumblings,” she said. “I think if they’re gonna, they oughta, because time is not just marching, time is barrel-assing to the finish line. Get us while we’re still breathing, I mean, God!”

Where is Hocus Pocus 3 being filmed?

Matt Kennedy/Disney

Hocus Pocus and its sequel were filmed in Salem, Massachusetts and Rhode Island, respectively, so we're expecting Hocus Pocus 3 to be filmed in New England as well!

Who's returning for Hocus Pocus 3?

Matt Kennedy/Disney

We don't have official cast news yet, but we're hoping Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy return as the Sanderson Sisters. "I'd love to have a franchise — especially a character I love playing," Bette tells EW. "If there was a third one, of course I'd sign on, but I don't know how. I can't imagine what the story would be, but I love Winifred, Sarah, Mary, and our relationship. It's good for women."

While we haven't gotten a cast list yet, we do know who's hoping to join the third film: drag star Symone (winner of RuPaul's Drag Race season 13). "I know they're doing [Hocus Pocus] 3, if they want to get my number, my phone box is open," she says in an interview with EW. "I would love to be a witch of some kind...I might be a villain, come into my own little power, have my own little coven. I would love that. Can't you see it?"

Will Thora Birch be in Hocus Pocus 3?

Walt Disney Pictures/Buena Vista Pictures/IMDb

At the NYC premiere of Hocus Pocus 2, screenwriter Jen D’Angelo said she hopes we'll see Max (Omri Katz) and Allison (Vinessa) from the original film again. However, so far, there's no word on whether Thora Birch, Vinessa, or Omri will return.

“We tried so hard to get the original cast back for cameos and then it just kept not working out for one reason or the other,” D’Angelo said, via Variety. “But I’m hoping in Hocus Pocus 3, we’ll see Max and Alison living in California.” We hope so too!

Where can I watch the movie?

Disney+

You can watch both Hocus Pocusand Hocus Pocus 2 on Disney+, so it's safe to assume the new film will hit the streaming platform as well.

Was the first Hocus Pocus a flop?

Buena Vista Pictures/Walt Disney Studios

The original Hocus Pocus grossed $8.1 million after its July release, and dropped out of the top ten two weeks later. And since then, it has become a cult classic and fan favorite!

Are the Sanderson sisters real?

Matt Kennedy/Disney

While the Sanderson sisters are fictional, they were inspired by three sisters who were accused of witchcraft in Salem: Rebecca Towne Nurse, Mary Towne Easty, and Sarah Towne Cloyce.

Who are the 3 sisters in Hocus Pocus?

Matt Kennedy/Disney

Winifred (Bette Midler), Mary (Kathy Najimy), and Sarah (Sarah Jessica Parker) Sanderson are the three witchy sisters who want to stay young forever by feeding off the children of Salem.

Is there a 4th Sanderson sister?

Matt Kennedy/Disney

Yes, there's a fourth Sanderson sister in the Hocus Pocus and the All-New Sequel book. In the story, new girl in town Isabella (who also happens to be who Max and Allison's daughter Poppy is crushing on) is a descendant of secret Sanderson sister Elizabeth!

Let us know what you think about Hocus Pocus 3 on Twitter and follow us on Facebook for more breaking movie news!

This post has been updated.

Meeting your partner's family for the first time can be nerve-wracking because you're never sure what to expect. Even the most confident person may start asking themselves, "Do I have something in my teeth?" or "What if their grandma thinks I'm a clown?" Trust me, no one wants to get on grandma's bad side.

Take it from someone who's witnessed a few 'Meet The Family' moments when I say there are embarrassing things you never want to do when the time comes. First impressions aren't always everything, but it doesn't mean your partner's family won't judge you if you do something that's awkward or inappropriate.

But, don't worry! Psychotherapist Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C works with her own clients on preparing for these milestone moments, and she's ready to share some tips with you! As the founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, she specializes in things like eating disorders, family counseling, anxiety, and depression — so she knows what she's talking about!

To help prep you for the big day, here are 10 things you definitely want to avoid doing when you first meet your partner's family! With these tips in tow, you'll be ready for anything, be it that big annual barbecue, or an intimate family dinner.

1. Putting On A Front

RDNE Stock project

Just like no one likes when someone is rude or passive-aggressive, people also don't like when it seems like you're being overly nice or fake to win them over. Goldberg says, "When meeting a romantic partner's family for the first time, first it's important to be genuine. Putting on a front sets unrealistic expectations moving forward." No matter what you do, your true personality and characteristics are going to shine through eventually.

You may not want to hear this, but she also says it might not be a good idea to introduce your family to someone who should come with a "shock factor" warning. "If someone has a tendency toward crudeness or is passionate about controversial topics, they should keep that at bay for the time being."

2. Dressing Inappropriately 

Rachel Claire

"Dressing appropriately for the occasion, while staying true to their personal style, is important," says Goldberg. I'm one of the most open-minded people you'll ever meet, but I'm telling you now that you're going to get a ton of side eyes if you show up to a family dinner wearing something that would make someone clutch their imaginary pearls. Stay away from the deep v-necks, short skirts, and sheer materials — you'll thank me later!

3. Calling Your Partner A Suggestive Nickname

Ba Tik

Sigh. There's plenty of discourse about whether or not you should call your partner 'Daddy' in the first place, but please don't call your partner this — or any other suggestive nickname — in front of their family. Some people may offer a knowing smirk, or think it's funny, but it doesn't make it any less embarrassing. There are plenty of nicknames and cute pet names you can use, but when in doubt: be very mindful and demure.

4. Being Critical Of The Cooking

Mister Mister

If you're going to a barbecue or holiday gathering at your partner's family's home, it's possible the menu may not be your favorite. The food may even be served potluck style, so should you come across a dish that doesn't look appetizing...don't let your intrusive thoughts win by asking who made it.

Everyone knows what it means if a person asks that, and it won't make the cook in question feel very good. For all you know, your partner's mom may have been trying something new and was already nervous about it. No matter who actually prepared what, it's easier to politely decline something instead of being rude about it. "Criticism of the environment or their partner should be kept in check," says Goldberg.

Instead, she says you can offer to "help with tasks like setting up the table or cleaning up." This will leave a much better impression!

5. Purposely Bringing Up Controversial Topics

Timur Weber

Every family is different, from their religion to their political beliefs to how they play Monopoly. While you may dig into those differences further down the line in your relationship, it's probably best to keep it light the first time you meet them.

Goldbeg says, "Maintaining a positive attitude is another key component. They should avoid making underhanded comments about their partner or bringing up issues they are unhappy with. Controversial topics, especially politics or culturally sensitive matters, should be avoided till the relationships are better established or in some cases should never be brought up."

IF someone else brings up a controversial topic that makes you feel uncomfortable, you can excuse yourself from the table so you can collect your thoughts. However, don't be the one to start an awkward conversation about religion, politics, or otherwise — it'll save you from a lot of potential awkwardness later.

5. Drinking Too Much

KoolShooters

If you want to enjoy a drink or two, that's fine! Chances are someone will be doing the same, so that's not embarrassing. Getting drunk until you're slurring your speech or stumbling all over the place is a completely different story, though. All it'll do is signal that you're unable to know when you've had enough, and this could make your partner's family think you're irresponsible. You can have a good time, but just be sure to be mindful and pace yourself!

7. Refusing To Talk To Anyone Unless Your Partner Is In The Room 

Askar Abayev

I get it. Your nerves may be bad or you might hate small talk. But, you can't get to know your partner's family and vice versa unless you talk to them. People will notice if you and your partner or only comfortable talking to each other.

And if your partner does decide to join in on the conversation, make sure you don't make jokes that poke fun at them too much — it may fall flat. "They should be mindful of making jokes at their partner's expense, such as "oh now I see where they get that from." These can be fun and light, but it's always best to be more of an observer at that first meeting than taking the lead and potentially leaving a bad impression," Goldberg advises.

Want to truly make a good impression? She encourages you to talk to "as many family members as possible" instead of zoning in on one person, or no one at all.

8. Saying You Hate Kids — Especially If They're Present

Gustavo Fring

I respect anyone who chooses to be child-free, but making it a part of your personality every chance you get means you're bound to say something that rubs your partner's family the wrong way.

It's one thing to be sure you don't want to have kids, but talking about how much you hate children — especially if they're around and very much a part of the family — is beyond cringe. You're bound to not only shock your partner's family, but you'll also piss someone off. If you don't want someone to judge you for choosing not to have kids, don't judge them for choosing the opposite.

9. Looking At Your Phone The Entire Time

Anna Tarazevich

The family is definitely gonna want to chat with you or your partner, but it'll be hard if you're too focused on your phone. Goldberg says, "It's important to stay off their phone and be fully present during this first meeting."

Your partner's family will either think you're rude or too nervous to try to get to know them. Either way, it's pretty embarrassing! Instead, I'd put my phone on 'Do Not Disturb' and try to be more in the moment!

Looking for more relationship advice? Be sure to sign up for our newsletter!

Header image via Askar Abayev

I'm always keeping an eye out for any and every kind of update from the Bridgerton cast. From adorable red carpet reunions to the stars who are actually dating IRL, this is one cast that truly loves each other. And that love makes their onscreen interactions even better! While Bridgerton season 3 ended in June, and we probably won't see season 4 until 2026, we did just get a Bridgerton cast reunion that will totally hold us all over until we finally get new episodes.

Nicola Coughlan (who plays Penelope Featherington — er, Bridgerton — on the show) and Hannah Dodd (Francesca Bridgerton) reunited to sit front row at Gucci's Milan Fashion Week show on September 20. "Thank you @sabatods for a beautiful show and a class party after," Nicola said on Instagram, while Hannah added, "@sabatods you are magic. 💛 u @gucci - thank you for a gorgeous trip x."

The two actresses sat beside Daisy Edgar-Jones and Dakota Johnson, and looked stunning in complementary outfits that were totally giving Mary Kate and Ashley.

Hannah rocked a white button down and jeans with pointed-toe heels and a camel-colored bag, while Nicola paired the dreamiest capelet and white button down dress with bejeweled heels. And TBH, this duo has me dreaming about what Bridgerton would look like in 2024!

Netflix

Now that the Ton knows Penelope is Lady Whistledown, she's going to have all kinds of celebrity that would totally score her a front row ticket to fashion week in the present day. And as a former wallflower, I think Penelope sees and understands shy Francesca in a really special way.

Ahead of Bridgerton season 3, Nicola told Brit + Co that she loved seeing Penelope "finding her self-worth — that side of her I really loved getting to play." Hannah also admitted she feels a similar shyness to Francesca amid the buzz of joining the global phenomenon.

"I'm so excited to see what the writers come up with," she saidof Bridgerton's (and Francesca's) future. "I just hope she steps into herself a little bit more and kind of goes after things that make her happy, and knows that she's deserving of that. But I'm new here. So, like anything they give me, I'm gonna be happy with."

I can't wait to see how these characters continue to grow and evolve, and I hope we get another Bridgerton reunion soon!

Tell us your favorite Bridgerton cast moment in the comments and check out our interview with the cast!

Party plans at the 11th hour? We've got you covered with last-minute Halloween snacks that are easy to throw together! Spooky Halloween cookies call for tons of creativity, while make-ahead recipes require actually knowing that you're going to a party in the first place. While finding a last-minute costume that doesn't make your plan to stay in and watchHalloween movies alone in your jammies too obvious, cooking or baking a mysterious masterpiece seems out of the question – but it's not! Ahead, find some of the best last-minute Halloween snacks that are JUST the right amount of spooky.

Brit + Co

Monster Avocado Toasts

If you want to celebrate Halloween without eating a ton of junk, try our avocado toast faces. It's the perfect start to Halloween morning — before the Halloween partyprep begins! (via Brit + Co.)

Brit + Co

Deviled Egg Brains

These savory snack bites totally give us the creepy crawlies! Trust us, they're still yummy, though. (via Brit + Co.)

Brit + Co

Spider Halloween Cookies

These sweet spideys should only take you about 40 minutes to finish! Once they're cooled, you'll be all set for your Halloween get-together. (via Brit + Co.)

Brit + Co

Mummy Pizzas

These mummified pizza pies are made easy with store-bought ciabatta bread and some hearty toppings. (via Brit + Co.)

Brit + Co

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies

The decorated pumpkin faces on these seasonal-flavored cookies provide the perfect amount of spooky! (via Brit + Co.)

Half Baked Harvest

Roasted Pumpkin Seed Hummus

Homemade hummus is SO much better than the store-bought stuff — and it's easy to make. In less than 30 minutes, you'll be ready to rock with a bright orange Halloween hummus. (Half Baked Harvest)

Chelsea's Messy Apron

Mummy Milanos

When you're in a pinch, there's nothing wrong with ripping open a bag of cookies and adding your own spooky twist. This recipe turns Milanos into mummies with the help of some melted white chocolate. (via Chelsea's Messy Apron)

Chopstick Chronicles

Sushi Balls, Halloween Style

We know what you're thinking — sushi isn't exactly easy to create — but hear us out. These eerie sushi balls are way easier to put together than sushi rolls and require a lot less skill and equipment. It's also mess-free! (via Chopstick Chronicles)

Gimme Some Oven

Brownie Spiders

These little cuties are the perfect last-minute snack to put together if you're less into gory-ness and more into adorably-ness. Feeling iffy over the commitment of baking? Don't sweat it — these are done in 35 minutes. (via Gimme Some Oven)

Simply Sated

Witch Finger Pretzels

As far as quick and simple snacks go, you can't compete with dipping already delicious pretzels into already delicious chocolate. The best part of these treats is that they come out look gruesome and amazing. (via Simply Sated)

A Spicy Perspective

Halloween Fruit Skewers

A healthy-ish treat, these fruit skewers get a little bit of Halloween when a few pieces of candy are in the mix. (via A Spicy Perspective)

Food Fanatic

Deviled Egg Eyeballs

Deviled eggs sound perfect for Halloween on their own. When you add a healthy helping of beet puree to the mix, this wholesome snack hits a whole new level of creepy, or take a different route by making spider web deviled eggs. (via Food Fanatic)

Well Plated

Graveyard Chocolate Cheesecake Dip

Having to whip up a themed snack at the last minute is a grave situation. It's a good thing THIS grave, topped with crunchy cookie dirt, only takes 20 minutes to put together. (via Well Plated)

Mitzy At Home

White Chocolate Ghosts and Mummies

It's hard to find anything cuter than ghost-themed desserts; it's those little eyes. These sweet boos are easy to make and need to chill for 30 minutes, so you can place them in the fridge while you get ready. (Mitzy At Home)

Baking Beauty

Pumpkin Cheese Ball

The flavors of cream cheese and sharp cheddar are scary good together. Also, you basically get to dunk chips into chips, so it's near impossible to disappoint a crowd with a snack like this. Did we mention it only takes 20 minutes to make? (via Baking Beauty)

Damn Delicious

Mummy Hot Dogs

Hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls are fantastic any time of the year, but we're especially in love with them on Halloween. Wrapped up to look like mummies, these bites are great for adult and kid parties alike. (via Damn Delicious)

The Miniature Moose

Sweet and Salty Halloween Snack Mix

With no cooking required, this halloween snack is all ease and no fuss; just toss some sweet and savory snacks together and you're good to go. The frightening part is that they're incredibly addicting, so beware. (via The Miniature Moose)

A Zesty Bite

Oreo Spider Web Cookies

We're confident that Oreos are loved universally, so there is no way to go wrong with this snack because it is SO right. The best way to wash these spiders out? A tall glass of cold milk, of course. (via A Zesty Bite)

Stacey Homemaker

Halloween Graveyard Pizza

When doom hits, nothing saves the day quite like pizza; pizza fixes everything. In under 30 minutes, you too can save the day with this cheesy pizza — complete with eyeballs and tongues. (via Stacey Homemaker)

Chelsea's Messy Apron

Easy Spider Oreo Balls

If you're after that beloved Oreo flavor, but want to jazz things up in a most spine-chilling way, these spider Oreo balls will do the trick. In 30 minutes you can have these sweet and spooky critters on a platter, ready to go. (via Chelsea's Messy Apron)

Half Baked Harvest

Black Widow Peanut Butter Bars

Salty, sweet, and easier than you'd think, these peanut butter bars are made with pantry staples and candy. (via Half Baked Harvest)

A Spicy Perspective

Halloween Popcorn Mix

Coat dry, salted popcorn with a purple melted candy coating and add sprinkles and your favorite Halloween candy to make this snack mix. (via A Spicy Perspective)

Amanda Wilens

Halloween Rice Krispy Treats

Rice Krispy treats get a Halloween twist when you add festive sprinkles and a few eyeballs to mix. (via Amanda Wilens)

Salt & Lavender

Halloween Puppy Chow

Chocolate, peanut butter, and plenty of Halloween sprinkles give new life to Chex cereal, and it only takes 15 minutes to make. (via Salt & Lavender)

Halloween snacks are not only tasty, but they're fun to make, share and eat! With Halloween just around the corner, we're sure these spooky snacks will win over every guest at your Halloween bash!

For more spooky Halloween snack ideas + treats, check us out on Pinterest!

This article has been updated from a previous post with additional reporting by Meredith Holser.