A Woman's Place: Women in Rock Climbing and Mountaineering

Shelma Jun Women in Rock Climbing


A Woman's Place: Women in Rock Climbing and Mountaineering

On a snowy November day in 1981, Kitty Calhoun found herself slipping into hypothermia near the summit of Mount Washington, the highest peak in the Northeastern United States. At the time, Calhoun was a senior at the University of Vermont and still a rookie alpinist. She and a friend had decided to ascend a 23-mile Presidential Traverse route in a single push, bringing only food, water, and sleeping bags. Despite its relatively modest height of 6,288 feet, Mount Washington's peak remains both revered and feared by even the most experienced climbers for its volatile weather conditions. Since 1849, the mountain has claimed more than 150 lives, and 28 of those deaths have been attributed to hypothermia.

"I was shivering cold," Calhoun recalls to us. "I started doing jumping jacks and that still didn't warm me up. I was a little bit frightened for a second and then I had a Snickers bar and I got warm right away."

The close call was one of Calhoun's first lessons in the unrelenting and often harsh realities one must face when making a career out of the mountains. Ultimately though, the dicey experience didn't deter Calhoun from the outdoors so much as it plunged her further into the arms of the wilderness. "That's when I became intrigued with alpine climbing," Calhoun recalls. "There are all these different uncertainties you have to try to figure out. It's like a chess game."

After 38 years of mountain guiding, Kitty Calhoun has become something of a legend in the mountaineering world. She is the first woman to summit the highly technical West Pillar route of Makalu, the world's fifth-highest peak, and the first American woman to ascend Dhaulagiri, a 26,795-foot-tall mountain in Nepal.

Even over the phone, 2,000 miles away, Calhoun's impenetrable sense of determination comes through as clearly as her trademark southern drawl. As she reminisces over her early years as an ice climber, there is a sense that — despite being a pioneer in the sport — Calhoun never spent much time dwelling on the hardships that may come with being one of the few women frequenting high-altitude peaks. That's not to say she was oblivious about them; she was simply too focused on climbing to pay any of that much mind.

"Whenever I felt like somebody was questioning whether I was capable, I didn't say anything," she says. "I just let my actions speak for themselves. It didn't take long for people to realize that I knew what I was doing and I was just as capable as they are — if not more so."

Calhoun's almost superhuman drive has served her well in the predominantly male world of mountaineering, but she still understands the importance of chiseling out space so that more women can follow her lead. In 1999, she became the first alpine guide for Chicks Climbing and Skiing (formerly known as Chicks with Picks), an outdoor adventure company that offers a variety of clinics for women interested in ice climbing, skiing, and various other backcountry skills. Three years ago, she became a part-owner of the business.

After a highly accomplished career, the now-58-year-old Calhoun has reached a point where she sometimes questions if she still has it in her to square up to the big mountains. She recalls the last expedition she went on: "I went on that trip thinking, 'I'm gonna give it all I've got, but I don't know if this is still me or not. If it's not, I'm okay with that.' But I walked away thinking, 'Man, this was one of the greatest times of my life.' I think I'll know when I'm done, but I don't think I'm done yet."

IT'S LONELY AT THE TOP

Despite its nearly two centuries as a sport, mountaineering remains a relatively small professional field, largely because its barrier to entry is so high. For alpinists who are not sponsored or certified-professional guides, getting into the sport can be both expensive and time-intensive. (A guided expedition on Mount Everest typically costs about $45,000 and takes upwards of 60 days to complete.) Nearly 99 percent of first ascents thus far have been made by men. Even still today, only eight percent of guides certified by the American Mountain Guide Association are women.


Closer to the ground, a different scenario plays out. The world of climbing is currently seeing an unprecedented surge in popularity, both overall and specifically among women, largely thanks to the rise of indoor climbing gyms. According to Climbing, an estimated 450 gyms are now open for business across the country. These facilities offer a unique opportunity for people to learn an outdoor skill without requiring access to a mentor or a remote location. For those with a climbing gym in their city, a day pass and some rental shoes are all that's needed to give rock climbing a try. The climbing gym is a natural gateway to eventually venturing onto a real rock and maybe even pursuing the sport professionally.

It should be noted that while climbing and mountaineering are inextricably linked, one is not necessarily synonymous with the other. Mountaineering is the oldest and most adventurous climbing-related recreational activity. It typically includes a combination of rock climbing, ice climbing, hiking, map orienteering, and sometimes even skiing. Mountaineers and alpinists are mainly focused on summiting gargantuan peaks, some of which can take weeks, if not months, to complete. In climbing (which is often segmented into sport climbing, traditional climbing, and bouldering), the objective is to get to the top of a specific boulder or mountain face (commonly referred to as a "problem"). Depending on the problem, climbs are typically completed in anywhere from minutes to hours.

Because of climbing's increased accessibility, a record number of women are taking up the sport. Forty percent of the licensed athletes currently registered with the International Federation of Sports Climbing are women. As female representation grows, so do women's accomplishments in the field. In 2016, at just 14 years old, climbing prodigy Ashima Shiraishi successfully sent (read: completed) the hardest boulder climb ever done by a woman. In 2017, 20-year-old Margo Hayes shattered a glass ceiling twice in the same year when she became the first woman to send two confirmed 5.15a climbing routes. There is a lot of insider vernacular involved in recording historic climbing feats, but all of this is to say: Women are proving themselves not just capable but quantifiably excellent at climbing mountains.

LEADING THE PACK

While the statistics look promising, the climbing community still has room for cultural improvements. In 2016, Flash Foxy, an online and IRL women's climbing community, released a survey revealing some of the ways in which gender affects women's experiences in the climbing gym.


Flash Foxy's founder Shelma Jun tells us, "Our study showed that women tend to have more spaces within the gym where they feel uncomfortable. They tend to have a higher rate of being harassed or having microaggressions against them. Just because women are physically able to climb as well as men does not mean that sexism or misogynistic behaviors don't exist."


Shortly after publishing the study, Jun (who has been active in the sport for nearly seven years) wrote an article for Outside summarizing the survey's findings. Almost immediately she found herself at the apex of an online outrage storm. "There were all these forums, like 30-page forum threads, about how wrong I was and how I hate men," she says. "Some said even cruder things like, 'If women don't want to be looked at, they shouldn't come to the climbing gym.'"

The attention she received through that survey and through the work she's done in the community since has established Jun as one of the most well-known advocates for female representation in climbing, but being the face of a cause is something she admits she still struggles with at times. "People can be really mean online," Jun says. "I try to remind myself that if I am trying to create social change — if I'm trying to change the status quo and I'm making everybody happy, I'm probably not doing a very good job."



















One of Jun's crowning achievements in the sport is the creation of the Women's Climbing Festival, an annual event she founded back in 2015. In the festival's first year, tickets sold out within 24 hours. In its second year, they sold out in less than a minute with an 800-person waitlist. The community's response to this type of event was resounding. Now in its fourth year, the festival has expanded to include a second location in Chattanooga, Tennessee, to keep up with demand. What Jun initially envisioned as "30 or 40 women in the desert hanging out" has evolved into one of the most anticipated events in women's climbing.

Despite the societal setbacks, Jun seems hopeful about what the future might hold not just for women, but for all kinds of people in the mountains. "You're seeing more women, more people of color, more queer folks, more diverse people in climbing than you're going to see in so many other sports," she says.

That is precisely where Jun's friend Bethany Lebewitz of Brown Girls Climb comes in. Like Flash Foxy, Brown Girls Climb, began as an Instagram account and has since evolved into an online and IRL community focused on empowering self-identifying women of color to feel welcome and supported in the outdoors. Lebewitz now works with a team of women who host meetups across the country.


Lebewitz first realized something like Brown Girls Climb was needed when she moved from Texas to Washington, DC. "I noticed the climbing scene in DC is really diverse," she tells us.

"But when I went outside — at least at the time — it completely dropped off. I typically was the only person of color on the crag."

Lebewitz figured the drop in numbers was most likely related to accessibility. In order to transition from the gym to outdoor climbing, climbers typically need a car, equipment, and someone with the knowledge to guide them. Lebewitz says, "I thought, 'If it's a matter of organizing people… I have a car. I would be happy to take people in DC to go climbing outside. I can do that, but I need to make sure they are interested and that I continue to connect people.'"

Lebewitz's vision began to take shape when she teamed up with Brothers of Climbing (another organization working to make the rock climbing community more diverse) in 2017 to create Color the Crag, an annual four-day festival celebrating climbers of color. "Color the Crag shifted what climbing culture could be and really what it is," Lebewitz says. "The leadership and the participants are all people of color coming from different ethnic backgrounds, and so the culture of the festival — the culture of climbing — shifted in a really dramatic way that was kind of mind-boggling to people."

Overall, Lebewitz measures the success of her work by how supported and encouraged her community feels within the climbing world. "You're only going to want to go on a trail so many times after being stared at, or looked at, or called racist names before you're like, 'You know what? Maybe the outdoors is not for me,'" Lebewitz continues. "The same goes for women. How many times do we want to tolerate sexism in the climbing gym before we leave? But if you know you have a community around you, encouraging you to continue, and actively fight against the system — well, then things might be a lot easier."

THE FINAL FRONTIER

As swiftly as climbing culture is changing, progress slows as altitude rises. No one knows that better than 33-year-old professional ski mountaineer Caroline Gleich. As Gleich's clout in the sport continues to grow, so does her fan base. Currently, Gleich has more than 151K followers on Instagram. But with online notoriety comes the unfortunate influx of criticism that, as for so many women with public platforms, people feel inclined to send Gleich's way.

Four years ago, she began experiencing harassment online from a dozen different accounts, most of which sought to cast doubts on her ski mountaineering abilities based on the fact that she is a woman. While disturbed by the comments, Gleich didn't feel it was "socially acceptable" to talk openly about the bullying at first.

"I just wanted to delete them, block them, sweep it under the rug," she tells us. But after it continued for years, she changed her mind. "I had to find my power in the situation," she says. "I had to step into a position of ownership by talking about it candidly and honestly."

The harassment reached an extreme when she received a voicemail from an unknown number. The man on the other end asked if she could teach him how to be a "silver spooned little b*tch with like, an awesome Instagram feed." While transcribing the voicemail, Gleich came to the realization that the multiple accounts harassing her were all tied to this one person. After she asked her followers for help to identify the bully, her massive social media following led to the man being unmasked.

Gleich's harasser has never admitted to sending the messages or leaving the voicemail, but she was able to find some sense of closure while filming her short documentary Follow Through with REI. "We used his actual voice in his voicemail in the intro to the film," she says. "I felt like that was a really brilliant way for me to hold him accountable, without using his name."

Make no mistake, though: Gleich's success as a professional ski mountaineer is not unfounded. For five years, Gleich worked tirelessly to become the first woman to ski all 90 lines described in Andrew McLean's The Chuting Gallery, a beloved guide to steep skiing in Utah's Wasatch Mountains. It was a deeply personal project for Gleich; her half-brother died in an avalanche while skiing one of the lines in the book. In 2017, she finally completed the task and carved herself a place in mountaineering history. Unfortunately, the euphoria of accomplishing a lifelong dream was cut short when she was accused of hiring guides to help her complete the project.

"It was really frustrating because it was another way to attack my credibility and make me prove it again," she recalls. "That's one of the most common things you see when you're not the majority group in an activity or in a space. You just constantly have to prove over and over that you're capable of being in that place. Whether it's a workplace, an organization, or in mountaineering."

Ultimately, Gleich decided to write an op-ed for Outside to set the record straight. "When you're constantly met with that reluctance or that skepticism about your ability and being capable to be up there, it's hard for it not to erode your self-esteem a little bit," she admits.

In spite of all the adversity she's faced throughout her career, she remains as determined as ever to continue ski mountaineering in a way that feels authentic to her. "I approach the mountains with compassion, empathy, kindness, and patience. I try not to be 'agro' or macho. I try to take some of the ego out of it," she says. "I believe that my different approach and point of view is sort of rooted in my more feminine personality."

Gleich explains: "Being who I am and looking how I do, it's often surprising to people when I say, 'I'm going to go climb that mountain.' There is a part of me that likes to challenge people, and their snap judgments of what a woman is capable of."

Like Kitty Calhoun, Gleich has proven time and time again that she is more than capable of holding her own in the male-dominated world of mountaineering, but she still hopes more women will eventually join her on the slopes. This year, Gleich is headed to ski on Mount Everest to kick off the first project for her foundation Big Mountain Dreams, which focuses on protecting mountain environments and elevating the voices of women in the outdoors.

"When I ski a big line or accomplish a big goal with another woman, it's just such different experience throughout the day," Gleich says. "It's really nice to be in a space where you can be 100 percent who you are — where I feel I can be the absolute best version of who I am."

“A Woman’s Place” is a series spotlighting the women making bold moves in male-dominated industries. See all editions of the series here.

Written by: Cortney Clift

Design by: San Trieu

HBO Max renewedEuphoria for a third season back in 2022, but we sadly haven't seen any progress on the show in the way of filming. Though details surrounding the plot for Euphoria season 3 haven't been revealed, we are awaiting the TV show with excitement!

Euphoria has inspired our coolest makeup looks and on-point Halloween costumes, so we can’t wait to see what the next season of this neon-lighted, drama-filled story holds. Here’s what we know about season 3, thus far. Stay tuned for more updates!

Keep reading for everything we know about Euphoria season 3, filming in 2025.

  • Euphoria season 3 is officially moving forward, and will start filming in 2025.
  • Cast members like Zendaya, Sydney Sweeney, Jacob Elordi, and Hunter Schafer are returning.
  • Despite the fact creator Sam Levinson suggest Zendaya's schedule caused Euphoria production delays, the actress said she's "just waiting" to return to the show.

Is Euphoria season 3 coming out soon?

Eddy Chen / HBO

Euphoria Season 3 Release Date

Variety confirmed that we should be seeing Euphoria season 3 in 2026...but after an almost-three year wait...does anyone actually care anymore? I'm excited to see Zendaya return to the role that won her an Emmy (as well as the rest of the cast, obvi), but it's hard to be thrilled about something after such a long time. Luckily, fans are familiar with waiting a long time for new releases (remember that 2 ½-year wait for Euphoria season 2?), and hopefully the pent-up hype will be worth it when the show finally comes to streaming.

What's going to happen in Euphoria season 3?

Eddy Chen / HBO

Euphoria Season 3 Plot

Season 2 of Euphoria left us with a lot to unpack: Rue’s (potential) sobriety, Lexi’s chaotic play, Fez and Ash’s shootings, Cal’s insane sexual spiral, and of course, the glorious girl fight between Maddy and Cassie. The third season has some loose ends to tie up, and we can’t wait to see how it’s done.

Sam Levinson tells EllethatEuphoria season 3 is more of a “film noir,” and that Rue's plot line will “explore what it means to be an individual with principles in a corrupt world.”

Originally, Sam showed multiple story ideas to both Zendaya and HBO (and although Z doesn't have total creative control, as an executive producer, she does get a say in where her story goes). The show will feature a time jump, bringing the characters closer to the actors' ages. According to Variety, the first draft of the script gave the "meaty" storyline to Sydney Sweeney and Jacob Elordi, and featured Zendaya's Rue as a private detective in more of a background role. More recent rewrites incorporated Z's idea of making Rue, who would now be sober, a pregnancy surrogate. Unfortunately, "the new scripts simply didn’t feel like the show tonally."

HBO chairman & CEO Casey Bloys told Variety that Sam Levinson is furiously working on the scripts. "One of the issues I think that Sam is thinking about is that he doesn’t want to have it in high school anymore. That’s where it was set and what made sense then," he says. "So when you take it out of that, there’s a lot of back and forth about where to set it and how far in the future to set it and all that stuff. But I think he’s got a take that he’s excited about, and he’s busy writing."

Is Storm Reid going to be in Euphoria season 3?

Eddy Chen/HBO

Euphoria Season 3 Cast

No, Storm Reid won't be in Euphoria season 3. On November 20, she revealed she wouldn't return as Zendaya's onscreen sister Gia. “I’m very excited for Season 3,” she said in a Rotten Tomatoes interview at the Governors Awards. “Unfortunately, Gia’s not returning to the third season, but I am so so indebted to the cast and the crew of that show, to HBO. Euphoria’s a really special thing and I’m so glad that that’s a part of my legacy and that I was a part of such a cultural phenomenon.”

However, we also know that Barbie Ferreira (Kat) won’t be returning for season 3, due to butting heads one too many times with the show’s creator, Sam Levinson.

Okay, so who's actually in Euphoria season 3?

Eddy Chen / HBO

At the 2024 Sundance Film Festival, Dominic Fike (who played Elliot in Euphoria season 2) told Variety it “would be dope” to come back for Euphoria season 3, but that “I don’t really talk to them anymore.” And after Angus Cloud's (Fez) tragic passing, some fans were calling for HBO Max to cancel the series.

But when we finally do see the series again, we’ll see more of the main cast: Zendaya (Rue), Sydney Sweeney (Cassie), Hunter Schafer (Jules), Alexa Demie (Maddy), Jacob Elordi (Nate), Maude Apatow (Lexi), and more – but who knows? The production team may surprise us with new additions, like they did with Dominic Fike’s Elliot.

And the cast is even more excited for the show to return than we are! While Sydney Sweeney says she "honestly" doesn't “know anything about it,” (although she's hoping for "Crazy Cassie": "The crazier, the better for me."), Sweeney can't wait to reunite with Zendaya, Jacob Elordi, Alexa Demie, and everyone else from the show.

“They were the crew and the cast that were there at the beginning of my career,” she tells The Hollywood Reporter. “We all came up from different places but came together and were navigating so much at the same time, so it’s really nice having that core group. They’re experiencing a similarity to what I’m going through. It’s nice to have that community.”

Why is Euphoria season 3 delayed?

Eddy Chen / HBO

We've been waiting for Euphoria season 3 for over two years, but there's a very good reason for the delay. After a source told THR Zendaya was to blame, the actress reportedly laughed at the idea. “I will say, I have been off for a couple years, so not delayed because of my [schedule]…I’ve been open, just waiting,” the actress told Vanity Fair. "I haven’t read anything yet, but I’m excited to see what everyone has been working on, and what the future looks like for Euphoria...My most important thing is to do justice by the people who love and care about Rue, and make sure that she’s looked after as a character. I think that’s my number one duty."

Actor Colman Domingo has another explanation for the delay: “[Sam Levinson is] a person who writes and rewrites and writes and rewrites again, because I think he's wrestling with what's important,” he tells GQ. “He's responding immediately to what the ills of the world are. I know that the one thing I can tell you is that he's very much interested in the existential question of who we are right now. Our souls. That's what he wants to figure out with season three.”

“HBO and Sam Levinson remain committed to making an exceptional third season,” HBO says in a statement to Deadlineabout the show's official, if temporary, pause. “In the interim, we are allowing our in-demand cast to pursue other opportunities.”

So much has happened in the real world since the end of Euphoria season 2 that could have an impact on the new installment, and I can't wait to see what that looks like!

When will Euphoria season 3 start filming?

Eddy Chen / HBO

Euphoria season 3 will begin filming in January 2025. “We are shooting Euphoria,” HBO's Casey Bloys said at an HBO/Max press event on November 12. "I think we have a start date, mid to late January. Nothing’s changed...We are shooting the season. I have read the scripts. We’re happy. We’re moving ahead. All of the actors are in the show.”

The Euphoria season 3 delay comes down to significant script rewrites (not to mention how busy the cast is!). According to Variety, the original plan was for the Euphoria cast to work on other projects throughout 2024, and that filming the new season could take at least 25 weeks. However, it looks like that plan could change at any time.

In a March 2024 interview with Who What Wear, Sydney Sweeney shared her excitement to return. "It’s going to be very, very wild,” she says. And regarding the time gap between seasons 2 and 3, Sydney “actually [likes] it because there’s so much room for growth for both me as a person and also Cassie as a character."

Storm Reid, who plays Rue's (Zendaya) little sister Gia in the series, expressed her hope (and a bit of hesitance) in for Euphoria season 3 in talks with E! News at the Challengerspremiere in April 2024. "We're on pause right now, but we're anxious to get back," she said. "If it's meant to be, we'll be back soon and we'll give the audience what they want and deserve. Hopefully, we will be back."

On the other hand, according to an article published by Vanity Fair, another cast member (who wished to remain anonymous) said at the time, “I just don’t think it will happen.”

The anonymous actor also shed some light on the show's delay. “Since January of 2022, we have had a start date of March that turned into June, that turned into January,” they say. “And then they kept pushing every month from then on. It was two full years of HBO telling all the actors we were going back soon, so we couldn’t take some jobs.”

Now that Euphoria season 3 is officially on hiatus, the cast members aren't barred from taking further jobs, they say: “Before last week I couldn’t take any TV jobs. Since they have put it on hiatus, I can now take any job. But what sucks is that we all had more momentum right when the show came out but now it’s been 2 years of waiting.”

Eddy Chen / HBO

Hunter Schafer, who plays Jules in the series, joined the Call Her Daddy podcast podcast in August 2024, discussing everything from relationships to fame. The topic of whether or not Euphoria season 3 is going to happen came up – as it's pretty hard to ignore at this point – and Schafer immediately got emotional.

Alex Cooper, the host of the podcast asked, "Is season 3 happening? What are we doing?"

"I think everyone feels a certain sense of anticipation for, like, if we are supposed to do a season 3," Schafer said between tears. "Obviously, I'm still coming to qualms with what's happened, and losing people that we really loved and were a part of this family and everything," she said, referring to the passings of co-star Angus Cloud and screenwriter Kevin Turen.

"If we do go back, that's going to be tough," Schafer said. "I think there's a world in which we can channel that into making it a beautiful season 3."

Will there be a time jump in Euphoria season 3?

Eddy Chen / HBO

Multiple stakeholders in the Euphoria-verse expressed their interest in seeing the characters out of high school. When asked about season 3 in an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Zendaya expressed her eagerness to see what post-East Highland will look like for the cast:

“I think it’ll be exciting to explore the characters out of high school,” said Zendaya. “I want to see what Rue looks like in her sobriety journey, how chaotic that might look. But also with all the characters, in the sense where they’re trying to figure out what to do with their lives when high school is over and what kind of people they want to be.”

Heidi Bivens, the HBO show’s costume designer, hinted further at a time jump between seasons 2 and 3 when talking with Vogue: “There is talk of [season 3] being approximately five years in the future, and that they’re not in high school anymore. Dorothy’s not in Kansas anymore.”

How many Euphoria seasons are there?

Eddy Chen / HBO

There are currently two seasons of Euphoria — both of which you can stream on HBO Max now. And it sounds like Euphoria season 3 will be the final installment. The Euphoria cast is contracted for the junior season, and according to a Variety source, they're all committed to seeing the story "through to the end with a third season."

Sign up for our newsletter to stay updated on all things Euphoria season 3 — plus all the new TV shows coming your way, like Stranger Things 5 and The Last of Us season 2!

This post has been updated.

First loves are TOUGH — especially when you start to see all the red flags you missed along the way once it's over. If you've been dissecting your own early love stories by reading Reddit threads or chatting with your girlfriends about their own relationship experiences, just know this: you're not alone! The entire Brit + Co staff even found ourselves discussing the first person we ever fell in love with...and the recounts did not disappoint. From realizing 19 seemed to be a common age for our all-time worst relationships to understanding how our first love was probably not as ideal as we originally thought, it made us wonder why we couldn't pinpoint red flags back then.

Licensed Psychotherapist Prerna Menon, founder of Boundless, LCSW-PLLC and Licensed marriage and family therapist Joseph Cavins, LMFT have a few thoughts that have helped us decode the precarious time in our lives.

Here's why some of us ignored how awful our first love might've been

1. We thought our first love was perfect and would argue with anyone who wanted us to take things slow with them.

Savannah Dematteo

I'll never forget the first time I fell in love at 19. I thought my ex was the "wind beneath my wings" because he had a great sense of humor and was creative like me. I told myself he was the person I was going to marry so I was offended when my parents didn't think he was mature enough to be in a serious relationship. If this sounds familiar, pull up a chair because Menon explains why we tend to idealize our first love.

"Your first love is your first experience with romantic love too, hence you typically see it with rose-colored glasses. The overwhelming emotion is often infatuation, which tends to overshadow the more critical and analytical part of our brain," she says. Sadly, this sounds like something my parents told me before but I couldn't fathom how true it was as a teen.

As the Clinical Director at Southern California Sunrise Recovery Center, Cavins has seen this play out before too. He says, "In your first relationship, there is a tendency to put your partner on a pedestal. The excitement of new love can create a powerful emotional fog that makes it hard to see flaws clearly."

Essentially, this "excitement of having a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner supersedes" our ability to questions things we normally wouldn't put up with, according to Menon.

2. We tried to ignore the how many times our first loves disagreed with our values or goals.

Keira Burton

While some couples are able to make their relationship work despite having a different outlook on life, sometimes it can be a sign that things aren't going to work long-term. Cavins says, "One major red flag is disregarding differences in values or goals for the future. For instance, you wish to become a parent someday while your spouse swears this will never happen— or vice versa. Early on, you might dismiss these differences, believing love will conquer all. However, these mismatched priorities can lead to resentment and challenges over time."

Honestly, I probably should've ran whenever my ex would mock my belief in God only for us to have to attend his mother and stepfather's church whenever I visited. There was so much confusion there, but I tried to dismiss it as something he needed time to work out.

Menon adds, "If this relationship makes you feel like you'e standing in quick sand - where you are trying to move forward but often feel held back in your individual aspirations, it may not be the right fit for you."

3. We thought it was 'cute' when our first loves made suggestions about which friends to avoid or what clothes to wear.

Luis Zambrano

Cavins says, "Excessively possessive behaviors are another red flag that people often ignore easily when they fall in love for the first time. People tend to justify such behaviors by citing that it's due to love or protective instincts." I'm all for being in a relationship where your partner's able to see different sides of a picture, but controlling behavior shouldn't come with that. What might that look like?

Cavins says, "Your partner may frequently check in on you, offer opinions on who you should spend time with, or subtly pressure you into making choices that suit them." For example, your partner could start off making suggestions about your style that slowly morph into them controlling everything you wear. Somehow I went from being a self-professed 'girly-girl' to trying to emulate the style of 'sneakerheads' in a short amount of time. Though I love wearing everything from New Balance to Niké sneakers now, it's in a way that feels cohesive with my style.

You may have brushed this kind of behavior off because, again, you thought it meant your first love wanted the best for you. "It is understandable that such behavior hypothetically may come off as pleasant or affirming; however, they often signal an unhealthy dynamic of control rather than mutual respect," says

4. We always gave in when our first loves forced us to be affectionate.

Adely

*Sigh* I'm shaking my head for my younger self because there were many times I didn't advocate for myself in my first romantic relationship. I'd often give in to affectionate or intimate moments despite wanting personal space so I wouldn't be seen as 'boring' or uninterested in my ex. Menon says, "Given the infatuation, your first relationship can feel all-consuming and often is codependent. Hence, this may result in you overlooking that your partner does not respect your boundaries or desire for personal space."

Partly because the excitement of the relationship makes you want to spend all of your time together, until you don't. And then, it is often too late to correct a maladaptive historical pattern.

4. We always made excuses for why our partners would shower us with affection only to ignore us days later.

Pavel Danilyuk

Let's be clear, 'love bombing' feels confusing and awful. No one should make you feel like you're the center of their universe only to ignore your calls or texts days later. But, this probably happened while you were with your first love. Cavins says, "There's a tendency for people to brush off their first love's emotional unavailability. When, for example, a partner is not responsive and not engaging in intimate discussions or does not express their feelings, some may rationalize this as them being 'just not ready.'" If that were the case, this person wouldn't have made you feel like being with you is something they truly wanted.

Of that, Cavins believes "it's important to recognize these behaviors early" because "they can result in a one-side emotional investment that leaves one party feeling unfulfilled in the long run." Sadly, my first love would have days where he was super sweet to me only to feel like I was smothering him with attention. This is also the same person who begged me to remain in our romantic relationship when he went to basic training although I felt it would be better if we chose to be friends. Imagine my surprise (and hurt) when he told me we should have an open relationship months after getting stationed for the first time.

I should've known better because he was never 100% on board with the idea of marriage until after he graduated from basic training. Cavins calls this "emotional disconnectedness." His further explanation is this is "when the initial chemistry between the partners subsides that emotional attachment matters." To avoid this, he feels "identifying and addressing any of these is critical in a case where you are looking to create a strong and healthy bond."

5. We ignored the ways our former partner blamed us whenever they got in trouble with their parents or an authority figure.

Ketut Subiyanto

Did your first love have a hard time taking responsibility for things that went wrong by gaslighting you to absorb the blow of their mistakes? If you've furiously nodding, we should start a support group. Cavins says, "A key sign is a lack of personal or relational growth. Healthy relationships encourage mutual development, but if one partner stays stuck in old patterns while the other grows, it can create frustration and distance."

At no point should you be the reason why your first love got in trouble after answering their parents' house phone late at night after telling you to call at a certain time. It's situations like this that should've alerted us to awful behavior, but I can see how easy it is to dismiss things.

What if I'm in love for the first time and recognize these signs?

Andrea Piacquadio

First, my heart goes out to you for being in a relationship that doesn't feel healthy. It hurts when we realize the person we thought was so great is anything but. The road to letting go of idealization may be long, but you can and will get better. Cavins says, "In the process of self-healing and recovery, the first step that must be taken is self-reflection. Ask yourself all of the necessary questions that arise, such as what this relationship means for you, what your boundaries are, and what this partnership has revealed about you as an individual."

I keep saying this, but relying on journal prompts can help you unpack a lot of things and, thankfully, Cavins agrees. He says, "You could always opt to talk to a specialist or being journaling in order to find some closure and draw meaning from the experience." Also, he wants you to start "making new memories." But, don't be passive about it.

"You will have to engage yourself in activities that will help redirect the focus of your thoughts. This could include joining a new class, engaging in a hobby, or traveling that involves some independence. These experiences can help shift your mindset from loss to growth and reinforce your identity outside of the relationship," says Cavins.

Another important thing you can do is "solicit help from others," according to him. "Calling on people you trust, like friends and family, to talk about these feelings can significantly help in healing," he says. This also helped me navigate life outside of my first real romantic relationship, reminding me that I still had a lot of love in my life that didn't begin or end with my ex.

Here are Menon's tips:

  • Let yourself grieve — Let this loss run its course. If you need to feel angry, sad, distraught, nostalgic. Allow yourself the full breadth of this experience. If I ask you right now "don't think a out a yellow monkey", I can bet you just thought of a yellow monkey. We call this "the imp of the mind". When you reject feelings, or thoughts, they come back 10 times more fiercely. To move the feeling along, we must let ourselves experience it.
  • Rediscover your identity (So important) — Your first love is often intertwined with self-discovery, and identity formation. Reconsider your goals, interests, values, friendships and hobbies and try to build your own sense of identity and individuality.

Anastasia Nagibina

I saw my first love again and it feels like we're falling in love all over. Can we have a happy and healthy relationship?

I'm not going to tell you to run even though I told my ex I never wanted to speak or talk to him again. You could easily reconnect with the first person you fell in love with and realize that you're both in a place where you can have something beautiful. However, Cavins and Menon want you to be mindful if you're in this position.

"Reconnection is possible," begins Menon, "if both parties can objectively claim that they have grown emotionally and resolved the issues that held their relationship back." But, "if the reconnection is built on one person growing and the other not, it is likely to fail," she alerts. You'll need to "proceed with caution," she says because "your first love was a nostalgic era in your life that can cloud your judgement." To put it more clearly, she doesn't want you confuse "the fuzzies" with a "true knowing that the two of you can make it work."

Cavins says, "Reconnecting with a first love can trigger a strong wave of emotions, but it is important that such a decision is made with caution and a strong sense of pragmatism. Personal growth is a primary factor. Each party in the relationship must ask themselves how they have grown and evolved as individuals over time. If past patterns of conflict, immaturity, or unhealthy dynamics remain unaddressed, the same issues could resurface."

He wants you to consider these things:

  • Are there any active relationships or past engagements that would make it rather difficult? That's because the feelings that come with reigniting old flames are very strong and can alter a person’s life, making it essential to start thinking from all angles before going ahead with it.
  • Address previous challenges that caused the breakup in the first place. If the reasons behind the breakup have been resolved or do not exist anymore, then yes, meeting again has its prospects. However, keep in mind that, at times, memories can be selective and unfavorably distort the truth by overplaying the good qualities while avoiding the negative ones.
  • Only rekindle things if both individuals are in a healthy emotional state and the decision is grounded in practical, mutual considerations—not just sentimentality or romanticized memories. Clear and honest discussions and an understanding of purpose are vital in ascertaining if rekindling the relationship will be worthwhile for both parties or if it will simply be an act of revisiting unresolved emotions.

Menon's final piece of advice is similar in that she encourages you to be "self-critical, self-aware, and self-nourishing." She doesn't want you to be afraid to be "clear and transparent about your expectations for the relationship" either. Though we weren't a fan of the outcomes of our first real romantic relationships, they've made us wiser. So, shout out to our first loves for being the worst because they've become our best learning lessons.

That's not all! We have even more helpful articles about relationships & family if you're looking for everything from celebrity couples to navigating hard conversations during the holidays.

Sprinkle the magic of Christmas into every seasonal activity by creating some festive Christmas nail designs! Whether you like to lean towards the traditional reds and greens or prefer to think colorfully outside the box, the polishes and Christmas nail designs below will set your mood and nail look right. Winter nails don't have to be drab – from star-studded nail art to bejeweled nail beds, we've got just the inspo for you.

Christmas Nail Colors

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essie 'Off Tropic'

You can't get your dream Christmas nail designs done without some stellar nail polishes! If your look involves a deep green, this shiny pick will help you pull it off easily. Use it to coat the entire nail for a sultry seasonal mani.

Amazon

OPI Opaque Light White & Gray Shimmer Nail Polish

With Christmas comes cold, and this nail polish screams icy. Wear it alone or apply it over a traditional Christmas color like red or green!

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OPI Infinite Shine 'Bubble Bath'

This baby pink will look gorgeous as a solid coat for Christmas-y dates and dinner parties.

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ILNP 'Ruby'

It's red. It's glittery. It's perfect for the holidays!

Amazon

Essie 'Winter Trend'

Spending Christmas with your besties or roommates? It's time for you to have your first 'Pinkmas' with the sparkly magenta nails to match!

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Sally Hansen Insta-Dri 'White on Time'

A super solid white nail polish, alongside a thin nail art brush, can be used to paint snowmen, gift wrap, or snowflakes like some of our featured Christmas nail designs depict.

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RARJSM Holographic Gel Polish

For the lazy gal manicurists, this holographic polish will make any light reflect off your nails which is the point during Christmas!

Amazon

essie 'U Wish'

Embrace the holidays with this fiery red that defies expectations of what a Christmas color should be.

Amazon

Butter London Patent Shine Nail Polish

This one color will work excellently for minimalist Christmas nail designs – use it to dot, stripe, or wear it on its own.

Amazon

Revlon 'Iced Mauve'

Sparkles are a must for Christmas, which is why we're heavily eyeing this potent pink.

Christmas Nails Inspo

Nataszija / July Ninety Six

Nifty-Gifty Gems

Use small nail gems of any color to infuse your Christmas nail designs with festive energy. We're loving red in particular because it just feels luxurious!

Brydie/Instagram

Deep Red Elegance

The bold red French tips, in combination with some art deco-inspired golden stars, can really bring your seasonal mani to the next level.

Charlotte Herberts/Instagram

Colorful Christmas Stars

Use a stencil or freehand these tiny stars in different chrome nail colors for a more jolly vibe this year.

Bryony Howell/Instagram

(Gift) Wrap It Up

A nail art brush can be used to paint on cutie little Christmas bows like this silvery one!

(via )

Oliwia Krauz/Instagram

Classic Colors

Multicolor nails are not dead – take the trend further for the holidays by crafting your look with a mix of whites, golds, greens, and reds.

Melou's Nails/Instagram

Let It Shine

For an understated (yet still spirited) Christmas manicure, glitter will be your go-to. We love the gradient effect that this hand has on!

Peachi Nails/Instagram

Merry & Bright

Tiny star details are sure to turn heads this Christmas! You could use any hue, but a standout gold like this one really makes your nails pop!

Check out our weekly newsletter for more seasonal inspiration!

Brit + Co. may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

This post has been updated

No matter how many times I rewatch The Vampire Diaries, there's nothing like seeing a cast reunion — and the weekend of December 6, we finally got to see our three favorite Mystic Falls gals together again! Nina Dobrev, Kat Graham, and Candice King were just some of The Vampire Diaries cast members who reunited for Epic Con to chat all things Elena, Bonnie, and Caroline...but things took a turn in the middle of the interview when one of the backdrops almost fell on Nina!

Keep reading to see what happened during The Vampire Diaries cast reunion with Nina Dobrev, Kat Graham, and Candice King.

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Even after all these years, Bonnie and Caroline are still saving Elena #tvd #thevampirediaries #ninadobrev #candiceking #katgraham #elanagilbert #carolineforbes #bonniebennett #epiccons

As someone who's done plenty of interviews myself, I know how fast a situation can spiral — and this interview accident is crazy. While talking on stage about the show, one of the backdrops begins to lean forward, and right before it falls on top of Nina, Candice and Kat quickly move to push it in the opposite direction.

"I don't want to see any 'Bonnie saves the day' memes," Kat jokes, referencing the fandom's love for Bonnie consistently helping the group throughout the show's eight-season run. "I don't want to see it, I don't want to hear it!" You can also see a relieved Nina hug Candice before revealing she thought it was a spider!

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In addition to this "Bonnie saves the day" moment (sorry, Kat, I couldn't help it!), the internet went crazy when Nina posted a video of her, Candice, and Kat recreating a photo they took during season 1 — especially after rumors have circulated for years that Kat Graham was mistreated on The Vampire Diaries set.

While these rumors have never been outright confirmed, fans have paid very special attention to what Kat has said...especially when she confirmedshe was the lowest-paid cast member and cried over her natural hair after revealing she wasn't really allowed to have an afro while filming.

"Love you girls so much!!!!!! 🥹❤️❤️❤️❤️" Kat commented on Nina's post, while a fan added, "And now the rumors can definitely be ended 🫶🏼❤️." These women are so powerful and clearly love each other so much, and I will take any and every cast reunion we can get!

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- YouTube

When Brit + Co caught up with Ian Somerhalder, he also expressed how much he loved filming The Vampire Diaries. "Every single day it was a laugh," he says. "I mean we had to be serious, you're running from ghosts and vampires and stuff, and you know, someone makes a fart joke and a 130 people erupt in laughter, there's only so much you can run for your life."

And thank goodness, Ian confirms just how much fun the cast had! "We laughed, that's how we kept each other sane," he says. "I spent 8 years on the show and now it's [been] 15 years. It's my longest relationship."

"I cannot believe it's been 15 years," he continues. "And so everyone who's seen the show, watched the show, supported us — and me — in any way, shape, and form regarding the show, I thank you from the bottom of my heart."

What would your dream The Vampire Diaries reunion look like? Let us know on Facebook!

Brown butter pasta. Wedge salads. Espresso martinis. Actual martinis. What do these foods and bevs all have in common? They make me fancy as ever when I’m chowing down on them.

But there’s one flavor in particular that goes above and beyond in the way of fancy foods, and it just so happens to be featured in one of Trader Joe’s tasty new dips.

Trader Joe's

I’m talkin’ truffle, baby! Not one, but two types of the earthy, richly-umami fungus stars in Trader Joe’s Truffle Dip, and TJ’s fans can’t get enough.

Trader Joe’s Truffle Dip boasts an “exceptionally creamy” base made up of ricotta, parmesan, and cream cheese. Most importantly, it earns its super sophisticated flavor from a blend of black truffle paste and white truffle-infused olive oil. Yeah, I’m obsessed.

@traderjoesobsessed

Trader Joe’s fan account @traderjoesobsessed recently shared all the truffle goodness on their page, with truffle-infused favorites like Truffle Burrata, Truffle Brie, andTruffle Oil joining the ranks. Their followers truly blew up the comment section with lots of love for the famed Truffle Dip

“Come through truffle!!!!🔥❤️,” one person wrote.

“I use this as a pasta 🍝 sauce,” another commenter said. “It's amazing!!”

“I think it’s soooo good with the brioche toasts,” someone else said.

“I buy one every week,” another person commented. “I'm obsessed!”

The Trader Joe’s Truffle Dip is shoppable in stores for just $5.49 for 7.5 ounces of the creamy, dreamy product. It’s the perfect addition to slather on lunch wraps and sandwiches and will definitely make your holiday charcuterie spread shine this year.

No matter how you enjoy it, you’re sure to become absolutely obsessed, too.

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