Here Is Why Love-Hate Relationships Are Good for You

1. Clarify & Confirm

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a wild remark from your boss that practically made you do a double-take? If so, don't be afraid to respectfully ask for clarification, forcing them to expand on their perspective without any ambiguity.

For instance, saying something like, "I just want to make sure I understand you currently. Are you saying that..." and paraphrasing their comment is a powerful tool. Not only will it avoid miscommunication, but it will also make your boss address their issue with you head-on.

2. Ask For Their Feedback

We can only learn and grow in environments that challenge us while supporting us along the way. However, passive-aggressive bosses may resort to beating around the bush, making offhand critiques about your work that are vague yet still hurtful.

You can urge your employer to be more straightforward with you by telling them point-blank, "I value your feedback." Asking for open dialogue as opposed to one-off comments will show that you're receptive to constructive criticism and encourage your boss to be a stronger leader.

3. Politely Challenge

Whether your boss tries to guilt-trip you by implying you're not doing enough or praises you in a sarcastic manner, you can always politely challenge them, too.

Try saying, "It seems like you're hinting at something. Could you be more direct so I can address it appropriately?" Your boss will be put on the spot and driven to share their true feelings without the white noise.

4. Show Understanding

Passive aggression shouldn't be acceptable in workplaces, but sometimes, showing compassion and understanding can help diffuse these all-too-common situations.

As hard as it may be, giving your boss some grace and acknowledging their apparent frustrations may be enough to get you both on the same page.

For instance, saying something such as, "It sounds like you might be feeling irritated. Let's figure out what we can do to fix it together," can encourage teamwork and put a stop to the indirect blame game.

5. Maintain Professional Distance

When passive-aggressive statements start to feel catty in the office, it's not just hurtful; it also retracts from productivity and can lessen the quality of completed work.

To cleverly call out your boss while shifting attention back to the matter at hand, you can respond with, "I'm not sure I follow the tone of your comment. Let's focus on our work so we can move forward."

6. Stay Calm & Collected

It can be tempting to go on the offensive in passive-aggressive situations. Even so, staying cool as a cucumber will reinforce your professionalism and prevent a full-blown stand-off from occurring.

All you have to say is, "I hear your concerns, and I'll focus on improving that moving forward." It's direct, indicates you understand your boss' grievances, and should keep them from harping on.

7. Redirect To Next Steps

One of the biggest issues with passive aggression is that it makes someone's issue with you indirectly apparent. Yet, it can be tough to know exactly how to fix their problem moving forward, given they're beating around the bush.

Let's say your boss makes a snarky remark about a PTO request or acts unsatisfied with a project you completed. Don't hesitate to ask, "So, what next steps should we take to ensure this doesn't happen again?"

8. Make It Clear That You're There To Grow

You could be early in your career or an industry veteran. Either way, vague passive-aggressive statements about performance can be equally hurtful (not to mention unhelpful).

A smart way to respond is by saying, "I'm here to learn and grow." It makes your intentions crystal clear, reminds your boss that you're only human, and could open up conversations about avenues for improvement.

9. Share How You Value Your Professional Relationship

All relationships, from romantic and platonic to professional, rely on mutual respect and communication. Passive aggression is a sign of disrespect, but you can help turn interactions with your boss around by saying, "I value our professional relationship."

It will successfully set a positive tone and convey that you want a healthy working relationship. It may also help your boss realize that they haven't been treating you the way they'd like to be treated.

10. Set Boundaries

Finally, the most direct approach is to confront your boss' passive-aggressive attitude by setting firm boundaries. This can be uncomfortable, but with the right tact and professionalism, it can be very powerful.

For example, consider using this statement: "I believe in having open and honest communication. Can we make sure we're on the same page moving forward?"

It makes your desire for transparency clear and forces your boss to rise to your expectations.

1. You Obsessively Check Your Work Email

Certain people struggle with social media addiction, scrolling for hours on apps like Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook. Yet, you may find yourself glued to Gmail or Outlook.

Do you constantly refresh your work email to make sure you haven't missed anything? Do you check your email as soon as you wake up in the morning and right before your head hits the pillow at night?

If so, your job is dominating your thoughts, and these obsessive tendencies can lead you to suffer stress and anxiety. Now, you don't have to entirely "unplug," but make sure you're giving yourself space to relax, decompress, and worry about other things that aren't work-related.

2. You Work During Weekends Or Vacations

Weekends (and vacation time) are common practice for a reason. It's unrealistic to expect anyone to continuously work without a break, and working when you're supposed to be resting can seriously erode your motivation and mental health over time.

Sure, catching up on emails or completing a project with an impending deadline can be fine on weekends from time to time. However, most Saturdays and Sundays should be reserved for "you time," and working when you're supposed to be on vacation is flat-out unacceptable.

3. Your Relationship With Your Significant Other Is Struggling

When a job starts to take over your life, relationships can really take a hit, especially the one you share with your significant other.

Your partner may grow frustrated if literally all you do is talk about your workday or stress about the outstanding items on your to-do list. Plus, if you're frequently working long hours or are just mentally consumed by your responsibilities, you and your partner won't get to spend enough uninterrupted quality time together.

Sacrificing personal free time is one thing, but if you realize that your romantic relationship is suffering due to the demands of your job, it may be time to reassess your situation. After all, your partner (and you) deserve more.

4. Every Goal You Have Is Career-Related

Being career-driven is often viewed as a very valuable and commendable personality trait, yet being too goal-oriented can spiral out of control. This is particularly true if all of your aspirations center solely around your career. This tunnel vision may help you climb the corporate ladder faster, but you're doing your inner self a disservice.

Aside from promotions and salary increases, what other life goals do you have? You might've once dreamed of owning a home, starting a family, traveling more, or delving into a hobby. If these goals have been entirely pushed to the wayside in favor of focusing on just your career, your job is consuming your life.

5. You've Lost Your "Spark"

Remember when you were in high school or even college, with wide eyes and big plans for your future? Unfortunately, adulthood has a way of grounding our expectations. Even so, no one turns into a corporate zombie overnight. After landing your job, you might've been over the moon and actually excited about your new position.

Nowadays, do you see that same person in the mirror? Or do you find yourself feeling agitated, unenthused, and trudging through your day-to-day? This is a red flag that you've lost your "spark," the personality that makes you, well, you.

6. Your Home Is A Mess

Some people out there are simply messy by nature. Regardless, that doesn't mean their homes are always complete disasters. With dozens of meetings and an endless amount of tasks on your to-do list each week, it can be hard to keep up with laundry, dishes, vacuuming, and mopping.

It's obviously okay for houses to be "lived in" and not spotless all the time. Still, neglecting maintenance and cleaning of your home is a major sign that your job is taking up way too much of your time. You deserve to dwell in a space that feels clean and cozy, especially if that's what you desire.

7. You Frequently Have To Cancel Plans

Think back to the last time you actually got to grab drinks with your best friend or enjoy dinner with your parents. Have you become known as "flakey?" Having to cancel plans all the time due to your job isn't just unfair to your loved ones; it's not good for your mental health.

While it's great to have solid or even family-like relationships with your coworkers, they shouldn't be who you see every waking hour of the day. Everyone needs relationships outside of work, and by constantly canceling on your loved ones, you're just isolating yourself and letting your job take over your personal life.

8. You Suffer From The "Sunday Scaries"

Finally, no one really likes Mondays. But that doesn't mean your Sundays should be filled with anxiety over them. Think about it: you only get two days off each week. If you constantly get the "Sunday Scaries," half of your weekend has been wasted on work stress.

Getting out of the house, disconnecting from your devices, and even meditation can be helpful in curbing this common problem. Nevertheless, if none of that works, it's usually a red flag that your job is impeding your life and negatively impacting your mental health.

1. Treating Procrastination Like It's The Love Of Your Life

We see you snickering to yourself, but it's time to evaluate your relationship with procrastination. Whenever you do it, does it make you feel better about yourself or do you rush to complete whatever you were supposed to do? If you've noticed your habit is a daily part of your life, chances are other people know about it too.

One study found that "1 in 4 Americans say their friends expect them to procrastinate on takes" while "1 in 12 say even their employer expects" late tasks. It may elicit a few jokes, but we wouldn't be surprised if you told us people are starting to rely on you less because you're not starting things when you said you would.

We know it's familiar to reach for procrastination, but it's not helping you in the long run.

2. Critiquing Your Appearance Like You Have A Built-In Bully In Your Ear

We couldn't decide if this should be the first self-sabotaging thing we covered, but we know it's serious enough to talk about early on. The Florida House Experience discovered almost 50% of women begin questioning their body as they age which is scary to think about. But what if you're doing that now?

It's easy; we know. Still, there's no reason to repeat negative things about yourself like you're an annoying internet bully who likes to pick fights with everyone. It's soul-crushing and puts you in a position to find new things to critique no matter how many times you swear you'll stop.

Find ways to counter whatever negative thing you're thinking. Here's a few of our tips:

1. Instead of saying "My body doesn't look like the girls on social media," say "My body's been keeping me healthy so far and I love it for that."
2. Instead of saying "My face is terrible because I have so much acne," say "My face is doing it's best to signal that I need to take care of something."
3. Instead of saying, "I hate that I have to wear glasses," say "How cool is it that I get to wear something stylish that also helps me see?"

3. Treating Yourself Because "You Can't Spend It When You're Gone"

We're not financial experts whatsoever, and we honestly don't believe in restricting yourself to the point you can't ever enjoy your money. It's just you shouldn't carry recurring debt so you can have the fun you want. You could be an emotional shopper or have a huge FOMO; two things we know a lot about. Usually we'd say it doesn't matter, but your underlying why absolutely does.

The only person who can get to the root of what's causing you to spend excessively is you, though we'd also argue that a therapist and financial expert can help you even more.

4. Not Cleaning Up After Yourself Regularly

The thing about cleaning is that you don't have to love it to do it. It's more about making sure you respect and value the space you're in more than making sure your inner child is appeasing your parents. Leave them and anyone else out of the equation for once.

Wash your dirty dishes with old food stuck to them because you want to have something clean to put your new meals on. Wash, dry, and put away your clothes because not seeing a huge pile makes you less anxious. Put your shoes in a safe space so that you stop spraining your pinky toe.

See how that works?

5. Being Scared To Set Boundaries Because You Don't Want To Be "Mean"

People pleasers to the front! You're still putting everyone else's needs and emotions before your own, aren't you? We see you and think you have a beautiful heart. We also think it's time for you to stop willingly allowing yourself to shrink or feel uncomfortable because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

A hard fact it's time to understand is that you're never going to please everyone nor should you willingly accept toxic behavior. Your best friend or sister doesn't get a pass for making passive-aggressive comments if you wouldn't let a stranger do it.

6. Ignoring What You've Accomplished Because You Think You Can Do Better

What are you in a rush to prove Ms. Perfectionist? That you can make your boss regret passing you over for a promotion? Maybe you think you can make your ex regret mistreating you because you've gone on to accomplish everything they said you wouldn't.

Whatever your reason for chasing the next thing is, we want you slow down and look around you. If you're able to afford your rent or mortgage, have a car to get you from point A to B, or have received work accolades, you're not failing. You are doing so much better than you give yourself credit for and it's time to recognize that.

Every time you feel like you have to chase the next big thing, you're signaling to yourself that what you have done is insignificant and it's not. The fact you get up every day to try counts so it's time to give yourself more credit!

7. Pushing Your Partner Away Because You're Afraid Of Being Hurt

Eh, we're calling ourselves out big time here. Sadly, we're guilty of being mean to our partners because we've kissed a few snakes in the past and found ourselves nursing broken hearts after getting wounded. Unfortunately, this made us carry fear from past situations into our current relationships.

If this tune sounds familiar then you're probably guilty of starting drama with your partner before they can even think about playing with your feelings. But, what if they're a genuine person who cares about you and you're just being mean? Does that seem fair? Chances are you don't even realize you're doing it which makes this one of the trickier self-sabotaging things you've been doing.

We're not here to berate you for it though because —like we said — we've been there. If you want a shot at having the healthy relationship you want, you have to put down your proverbial fists though — trust us.

8. Being Afraid To Speak Up Work Because You Think Your Ideas Are "Stupid"

Hey, Ms. "I Want A Successful Career!" You're not going to get there if you bite your tongue whenever your boss asks if anyone has fresh ideas to share. We're guilty of sitting on things too because we've been overlooked in the past, but all jobs aren't like that.

If you work with a collaborative team where people genuinely care about your input, don't be afraid to speak up. Even if all your ideas don't come to fruition, it still helps when you actively bounce ideas off your co-workers.

This is the only time you'll hear us say this, but teamwork really does make the dream work.

9. Turning Down Event Invites Because You're Nervous To Be Yourself

Who made you feel like you have to hide from the world when you have so much greatness inside of you? Point them out so we can have a word with them. Just kidding, sort of.

Really, we're more concerned about how many opportunities you're letting pass by because it means you'll have to actually talk to people and let them see you. It's obvious someone wants to see you if you're receiving invitations to pop-up shops, NYFW shows, and even just a friend's birthday dinner!

If you've been dreaming about rubbing shoulders with certain people in the industry you work in, put your best foot forward and show up! You've been doing the work to get to this point so don't hold back.

We promise you've got this!