10 Unexpected Lessons I Learned From A Career Coach
My first career out of college was as a matchmaker. Not exactly something you get a degree in (I studied musical theatre and psychology at NYU), but fate had a different plan for me. But ultimately, I found my purpose at 21: making meaningful connections would be a theme throughout my entire career — up to my current role at Liminal.
After 5 years, I transitioned from my role as cupid, to fostering connections at a larger scale as a community builder — building social clubs, organizing retreats and conferences, then launching my own tech companies in the self-development space. A few years ago, I worked on a platform inspiring women to open their homes for group coaching and workshops. But, the moment the world shut down during the pandemic, so did my company.
My team and I worked around the clock to keep the lights on, and 9 months later, with two weeks of payroll left, we raised $3.5 million in venture funding. To add to the whirlwind, I also went unexpectedly viral on LinkedIn with my first ever post reaching 20 million views. All of this happened in 30 days. The pendulum swung so fast from almost heartbreak to exhilaration it left me feeling emotionally whiplashed. I was running on fumes, at the starting line.
Enter a career coach.
Serendipity led me to this career coach. It felt like fate — within just two days, his name came up in conversations with four different people.
I cried after our first session. I suddenly didn’t feel alone in all the responsibility I was carrying as a solo founder.
3 years later and we’re still working together. He helped me through the pandemic, my company pivot, and navigating difficult conversations with my team. He’s built up my confidence, and reminded me who I am and my worth in moments I felt lost. He’s held me accountable to my vision and taught me how to make decisions with clarity and ease.
The lessons he’s taught me have turned me into a leader and person I am proud of. Before I started working with him I was a young woman, navigating imposter syndrome, playing the role of what I thought a leader should look like. Today I carry a quiet strength and confidence as the leader I was meant to become.
Is a career coach really worth it?
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I believe everyone needs and deserves a career coach.
We spend 1/3 of our lives at work — sometimes more — and usually don’t have formal guidance on how to navigate our transitions and limiting beliefs throughout.
I'm often asked about the difference between a therapist and a coach, and how to choose between them. My simplest answer is that therapists focus on how your past has influenced your current situation, while coaches guide you from the present to where you want to be in the future.
Here’s a non-exhaustive cheat sheet to know if a career coach is right for you:
- You’re unhappy with your current job but have no idea what you would do next.
- You're navigating limiting beliefs in your current role that are holding you back.
- You struggle to accomplish goals that you care about.
- You are navigating a challenging situation with a coworker.
- You want to develop yourself as a leader, either in your own company or within your organization.
- You want to discover your purpose to make the most of your time on this planet.
What should you expect from a career coach?
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I remember my coach telling me early on that a leader is anyone who can share a vision of the future that’s so inspiring, someone wants to follow them there. With this definition I see us all as leaders — whether in the traditional, professional sense or simply in leading our own lives and being in relationships with others.
While I can't predict what every career coach can offer, here are the 10 lessons that completely changed the way I lead, plus 10 questions you can use to reflect and integrate these lessons into your daily life:
These lessons will help you:
- Be the leader of your own life journey
- Lead with care and clarity
- Make genuine connections
- Realize that becoming a leader is a fast track to personal growth
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1. Trust is built in a context of care
Whether it’s with people you work with, or in your personal life, make what you care about known — needs, wants, desires, values. You can’t expect someone else to know them if you don’t clearly communicate them. And, make sure you make it known that you want to know theirs, too.
2. Riots start in the stands
There are 2 types of people: the people on the field, and the people in the stands. Find the people who want to be on the field with you. Rolling up their sleeves and doing the work — this might be at work in the trenches of your start up or in a romantic relationship. You won’t get far if you’re on the field alone surrounded by people in the stands.
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3. We live in a mirroring reality
Our external reality is a projection of our inner reality. When we offer kindness and compassion, we receive kindness and compassion. When we offer criticism or judgment, we receive that, too.
4. Curiosity is the emergency break to judgment
If your “mood elevator” is falling, curiosity is the fast track to lift it. In these moments, you can say something like: I notice I’m being judgmental, I wonder what that’s about? Then start to list things that have come up for you that you’re reacting to. Maybe you spent a little too much time on social media, or a colleague cut you off while you were talking and suddenly you’re in a reactive state. This is human. Use curiosity to get back on track.
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5. Clarity is kindness.
Being clear and direct with others is a way to show respect and consideration. Ambiguity can create stress and uncertainty, but when we are clear we give others a sense of stability. This is a form of kindness. And if you feel unclear, communicate that and see where it goes.
6. Being someone’s fan is > anything else.
Sadly, we live in a culture where people get more attention for spewing their criticism at each other publicly than when we lift each other up. Seeing people tear each other down, whether it’s on social media, in relationships, or during meetings breaks my heart. Especially, when I’ve seen without fail, the positive impact offering admiration and support has on someone’s confidence and overall growth.
While I don’t blame people for the system that has normalized this behavior, I urge us all to do what we can to break free from it and do the inner work to heal our insecurities and fears, and celebrate each other’s unique gifts.
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7. You can’t work harder for someone than they can for themselves.
“Help 49%” is something a mentor said to me a long time ago. As a leader, I’ve learned this time and time again. You can’t want something for someone that they don’t intrinsically want for themselves.
This applies to every type of relationship we have, both professionally and personally. You can’t help someone until they decided that growth is their priority. It’s up to you if you want to stick around patiently during that time or move on.
8. Love is allowing the other person — and yourself — to be whole.
This one really is about accepting and seeing people for who they are, not what we want them to be. As a leader, I try to see each person I work with as a whole, unique being and accept them fully as that person. Which means it’s my job to make sure I am not projecting onto them the person I want them to be as they grow.
The root of this wisdom lies in attachment theory, and while this line of thinking is usually strictly applied to romantic relationships, I think it’s useful for all relation aspects of our lives.
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9. If you need to win every fight, then you’ll be surrounded by people who are always defeated.
I often say the only competition anyone should be in is with themselves. The ego trap I’ve seen many people fall into, when choosing a romantic partner or building out their team, is subconsciously choosing people they can feel important or powerful around versus challenged by.
10. People need to be pointed to their own resiliency.
It’s fascinating to me how easily people forget their own capacity and strength. We have and continue to overcome a great deal as humans in this lifetime.
As a leader and friend, I've learned how important it is to remind people of their proven ability to bounce back, adapt, and recover from challenging situations or setbacks. As someone who’s worked with a therapist for decades and is professionally embedded in the mental health space, I initially underestimated the transformative power of a career coach.
However, my experience has been nothing short of revelatory, upgrading every facet of my life. My coach has been instrumental in helping me create a life I’m excited to wake up to. This journey was the catalyst for founding Liminal — the company I now head up – because I understand how hard it is to find the right coach at the right price point. Motivated by my own experience, I built the bridge, ensuring others could also access this life-altering guidance.
