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Making friends as an adult can be difficult but keeping friends? Apparently that's even harder. Miscommunication, Venmo requests, and romance can test even the best of friendships, but you really don't want to ignore any serious red flags in your relationships. A friend who only takes & never gives, someone who never listens, and someone who acts like they're the center of the universe are just a few no-no's you want to keep an eye out for.
These 13 friendship red flags should be deal breakers in your relationship.
1. Acting possessive is a huge friend red flag.
"You don't have to prove you're my BEST friend by constantly saying it to everyone out loud or excluding people with inside jokes — you can just BE my best friend," says editor Haley Sprankle. Like y'all, friendships aren't supposed to make us feel like an item!
2. They don't care about your boundaries.
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If a friend doesn't care about boundaries you've set in place, that's a clear sign they don't actually value your relationship. One user on X thinks it's a huge red flag if "they do not respect your time, boundaries, energy, possessions, work, privacy, or space. They expect you to change and adjust yourself to their liking."
3. It's a red flag if a friend never pays attention during conversations...
One big friend red flag is when someone never pays attention while you're trying to have a heart-to-heart — or if they're checking other messages. "One of my pet peeves is when people constantly check their Apple watches when we're in the middle of a conversation," says Entertainment Editor Chloe Williams. "Which is also why I will never buy one for myself."
4. Or if they only talk about themselves.
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We all joke that our dates never ask us questions, but the same rule should apply to friendships! Staff writer Kayla Walden considers it a friend red flag if someone "never [reciprocates] questions and [asks] how I am (a selfish needy Gemini here)." So valid.
5. Never learning to work through disagreements should be a friendship red flag.
"A red flag in friendships is being agreeable on every little thing," @mikaylaxcvi says on X. "I’d much rather be told the truth, lightly & sweetly, than coddled. A grow together type of friendship." Preach.
6. Realizing a friend expects to be the center of your universe is a huge no-no.
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Staff writer Jasmine J. Williams says one issue she finds in friendships is if the supposed friend wants to be the most important person in every situation, like "getting upset because of your work schedule, life's emergencies, navigating newborn stage, etc." No thanks!
7. A friend shouldn't be rude to others.
It's totally natural to be closer to some people than others. But making a point to exclude everyone around you? Not the vibe. "Red flag: when I notice they make plans without including everyone in the room but they make it loud enough for everyone to hear that they're making plans," says Brit + Co Social Media Assistant Melanie Cornejo.
8. And a friend shouldn't be overly critical.
B+C editor Haley also things a friend red flag is when someone is "critical of all their friends' new relationships."
9. Turning every single detail into a competition is a friendship red flag.
"Acting like everything is a competition really stresses me out and definitely has the potential to end a relationship before it begins," Entertainment Editor Chloe says. "It just makes every conversation feel inauthentic."
10. And friends DEFINITELY shouldn't talk behind your back.
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Talking crap to other people is a major friend red flag, hello! "If you are friends with someone who talks sh—t about people but smiles in their face later in front of you..Guess what they’ll eventually do to you?" @oriiizgold tweeted.
11. A friend also shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself.
It's not great if friends "make 'innocent jabs' at you around other people," Social Media Assistant Melanie says. If conversations constantly make you feel bad, then that's definitely not good, y'all.
12. Outright refusing to engage with current issues isn't great.
Limiting your social media & news exposure for mental health is one thing, but completely ignoring the state of the world is another. "If you [don't know] and don't wanna know about war crimes, current conflicts, and famine is just you enjoying your privilege and living in your bubble and I see it as a lack of humanity so...red flag," @OvenPsychological485 says on Reddit.
13. And don't forget, YOU don't want to have friendship red flags either!
"My friendship red flag for myself is when I notice myself starting to contort into being obsessively helpful & overly accommodating," @pigletish says on X. "Means I don’t feel comfortable, am masking to perform likability & need to check-in on why I feel discomfort." That's a good reminder for us all!
What friendship red flags are deal breakers for you? Check out How To Deal With Unbalanced Friendships for more relationship advice.
