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So your bestie is dating someone new. And they're just awful. Like truly, undeniably, god-awful. In fact, you can't think of a single larger, more prominent red flag in all of mankind. One of the greatest tests of friendship is this very moment. The moment when you so desperately want to tell your BFF how much you hate their partner, but you just...can't. At least not yet.
Before jumping into anything with too much haste, it's important to consider the why behind your disdain for their partner. You want to preserve your relationship with your BFF, so taking stalk of where you're at is a necessary first step before making any rash decisions. And while things can (and probably will) get tense, this isn't something you have to lose your friendship over. Trust us.
Here are our best tips on what to do if you hate your BFF’s partner, from reigning in your personal feelings to approaching your friend with IRL concerns.
1. Make sure it’s not about anything else.
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Before approaching your bestie, really examine if there’s any jealousy going on. Your past relationships and/or internal turmoil may be the reason for your disdain. Whatever the reason, it may have nothing to do with their partner at all.
2. First impressions are not fact.
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We’ve all heard the adage “you have seven seconds to make an impression,” but some people need a little more time. We don't know about you, but we've certainly made a bad first impression or two in our lifetimes, and it wasn't because we hated the person we were meeting. People get hangry, stressed, overworked, and sometimes just aren’t at their best. Unless something truly egregious has already happened, try to give this person a few chances before you completely write them off.
3. Focus on your BFF.
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Look — your bestie is still your bestie. Focus your attention on building them up, just as you would normally. Ultimately, all you can do is show them how much you love and appreciate them.
4. It's not the end of the world!
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Just because they’re dating someone you don't like doesn’t mean your BFF is uprooting her life and moving around the world! Just think of all the questionable people you’ve dated and ask yourself how many of those you’ve uprooted your life and moved around the world for. Chances are, it's not that many. If you're not the biggest fan of your BFF's new man, take a breath. There’s a good chance that if you wait it out, you’ll be the last person standing.
5. Don’t say anything you’ll regret, even if they break up.
OK — obviously, if this person is abusive, that’s different. But if they’re just not your cup of tea, there’s no need to ruin a good thing, especially if your bestieis head over heels. Telling your friend how much you hate their partner gets old, fast.
Even after they break up, match their energy before digging deep. If your BFF was deeply in love and their partner broke it off, consider refraining from telling them how horrible their partner was. If your friend broke it off and is seething, feel free to match them and lay it all out.
No matter what, having a friend date a person you don't like is hard. But think of it as a cannon event of sorts — it will likely happen at some point, and you get to decide how it dictates your future. All that matters is that you show your BFF all the love in the world, despite their seemingly questionable choice in a partner. It'll be hard, but worth it.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org.
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Header image courtesy of CW.
