All Your Gift Giving Etiquette Questions, Answered

Asking For Gifts

Even though it might feel more polite to tell a friend or family member that you don't have anything on your wishlist, Post says it's actually a good idea to come up with ideas to give them.

"It's going to be really helpful to those who would like to get you a gift that's something you really want or maybe even something you really need," she says. A digital wishlist (or something physical if they're not digitally minded) is a great place to start. "There's no shame in it. I want to put that out there. It's okay when people are asking for you to respond," she says.

What you don't want to do is send out a giant list without being prompted. "I think that even though there is a certain convenience to that, there's something a little bit more polite," she says. "Maybe your mom says 'Hey, do you have anything on your holiday list this year?' And then you say, 'You know what? I prepared a list. Let me send it to you.'"

Receiving Gifts

When it comes time to actually receive gifts, it's most important that you stay gracious. "Sometimes it's not about saying falsely that you absolutely love something, but instead focusing on the thought that counts," Post says. "I know that's really cliché, but it actually can make a really big difference to you receiving something well, even if the actual item misses the mark."

It's okay to ask to swap a gift for a different color or pattern — but only if it's a from a close friend or family member. "When it comes to anybody outside of your innermost circle, you really just want to focus on the generosity of spirit that's been given to you," Post says. Whether it features your favorite pop culture icon, or it's something that can be put to use, you're sure to find something nice to say about it.

"If it's really a dud, or if it's offensive, you don't have to pretend to love it. But I think you could just say 'Thanks so much,' and then move on from it as politely as you can," she says. If you receive a gift from a close friend that genuinely hurts you, you can say thank you in the moment and then pull them aside later.

"Using your 'When you...I feel' statements is something that you might choose to visit, or you might choose to just say, 'Okay, lesson learned, this person is this type of gifter.'" Over time, their actions will either change your opinion or reinforce it. "It's really hard when you get a gift that you don't like, I think that it is an uncomfortable moment."

However, no matter how you're feeling, it's important to always be gracious. "Technically, as long as it's not [offensive], someone has spent some time and effort, and likely some money too, on something for you. And those are all things worth valuing, even if the end product didn't hit the way you wanted it to."

Regifting

"Regifting is not rude, but it's all in how you do it," Post says. One of the upsides of regifting is that it's sustainable, but you have to make sure you do it right. It can be very rude if done badly! If you're looking to regift, try following these four guidelines from Emily Post:

1. It needs to be in its original packaging with all of its original parts. "That includes manuals, that includes chargers, things like that."
2. It shouldn't be anything unique, or homemade, or personalized. "You can't give that cheese tray that says 'The Posts' on it to 'The Phillips'."
3. It needs to be okay with the giver and the recipient. "You really want to be sure that if the person who gave it to you, or the person or and the person who is receiving it found out that it was very gifted, that they'd be okay with it."
4. It needs to be something your recipient will like. "[This point is] one that can easily get lost in the mix with requested items," Post says. "You have to genuinely believe the person receiving it will like it. You can't just get something to get rid of it. There are donation places for things like that."

Giving Gifts

When it's time for your own gift giving, there are a few different ways to figure out what to get someone. If you don't want to ask your recipient for ideas directly, talk to mutual friends or family members. If they're someone you don't know very well, you can look at their social media to get an idea of what their interests are.

"If you see that someone loves spending time with their dog and going hiking, maybe something related to those two things would be a great a great gift," Post says. "So do a little bit of sleuth work, you know, but don't go too far. You don't have to get too deep into it." She also notes that personal or tragic posts might not be appropriate gifting inspiration, especially if you're not close with one another. You want your gift to make your recipient smile!

"Typically when we're giving gifts, we're hoping to spark some joy. We're hoping to make someone feel delighted. And in order to do that, I think it does take a little bit of thought," Post says. Spend some time figuring out your friends' interests and you can even take notes on items they mention or things they post about. "Taking the time to really get something you think the other person will like? Or will enjoy using? I think that that's really key to good gift giving."