It ain't easy living in the time of a pandemic. But add heartbreak into the mix of forced isolation, and you're at a level of emotional pain you may have never experienced before.
The pit in your stomach.
The crippling angst in your chest.
The daunting silence you cover over with Friends reruns in the background, because there's nowhere to go to distract yourself from the trapped darkness.
What if I told you that you were one of the lucky ones?
Perhaps I'm biased, given that I'm a heartbreak coach, but I believe if you've never experienced a gut-wrenching heartbreak that you've shown up to heal and grow from, YOU ARE MISSING OUT.
There are always lessons and AHA's about yourself and the ended relationship, which will inspire a much more up-leveled version of you, and therefore up-leveled future relationships, when you lean in to do this work.
With COVID-19, you have extra time and quiet to follow the steps below to help move you through it!
1. Cut off contact. This includes social media connections, not just with him**, but his mom, and even his dog's trainer who posts cute pics of your once shared child. NO EXCUSES. Are you committed to moving on, or repeatedly picking at the wound? Let him know so that there'll be no confusion when you don't respond to any unnecessary reach-outs.
2. Grieve the loss. This is the part none of us wants to do. Fall apart. LET your heart break. Cry it out. Be gentle with your body — let it feel exhausted and heavy. It's not the fun part, but it is the NECESSARY part, when moving through any loss.
3. He Wasn't That Great. There's a tendency to idealize your ex when he's gone. Your brain convinces you it was better when he was here. One of my favorite Byron Katie quotes is, "When you argue with reality, you suffer." The reality is, he's gone. Look for evidence every day to support how this is the right thing vs. the wrong thing.
4. FIND SOMEONE BETTER. Don't let one painful breakup dictate a limiting belief about your next relationship. Use what didn't work in the last relationship to get clear on what you're searching for moving forward. He'll show up sooner when you've consciously worked steps 1-3 (not a linear process by the way — bouts of grief pop up when we least expect it, so be patient and self-compassionate when the pain resurfaces) and have become the healed, whole, UP-LEVELED version of you, who's READY to call him in.
**Heartbreak is a universal lesson for every race, gender, sexual orientation, and religion. I use the pronoun "him" because of my own experience as a heterosexual woman who moved through a ton of heartbreak. The same rules apply in this article for everyone**
Claire the Heartbreak Coach helps women stop wanting Mr./ Ms. Wrong back and find someone better! She's also the host of her podcast, How to Stop Wanting Him Back.
