How To Rekindle The Spark In Your Relationship
Did you know that the "spark" in a relationship only lasts just over five years? It takes more than just chemistry to ensure your relationship lasts — you need emotional intimacy, trust, and lots of effort. But even if a spark isn't a sustainable foundation for a relationship, it's still important to make sure that the spark is still a part of the relationship.
If you and your partner are no longer interested in spending time together, or if you're feeling disconnected, that could be a sign that your spark is fading. We talked to Tami Zak, a licensed couples therapist with Grow Therapy, for some tips on keeping the spark in your relationship so it feels fresh and exciting!
Keep Curiosity Alive
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When you're beginning a relationship, you want to get to know you partner. But even after you know them well, it's important to keep that curiosity.
"You get to know your partner, but there's always something you can learn if you look. That's a big deal," Zak says. "People are always growing and changing. Nobody thinks they're the same person they were one, five, 10 years ago, so check in with your partner with questions that show you are interested."
Zak recommends putting down your phone when you're together, and really focusing in on what they're saying. It's important to show them that you care enough to listen.
Create Desire
"When was the last time you dressed up and went out on a date? Again, think back to how excited you used to get [at the beginning of the relationship]," Zak says.
Make time in your schedule for date nights by adding them to your calendar, and take the time to get dressed up for each other. Whether you're eating a nice dinner out, going stargazing, or sitting in your favorite coffee shop, pick an activity that feels special and feels like you.
"It will fuel the fire in your relationship and do wonders for your own self confidence," Zak adds.
Schedule Time Together
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You don't only need to make time for special date nights — it's important to make time for other things too. "Weekly for at least 30 minutes, try to make it a time where you can both consistently meet," Zak recommends. "Check in about how your partner is and ask them how they're doing and what they are looking forward to. Spend time talking about how you are connecting."
You can also ask each other our Thought-Provoking Questions to go deeper in your relationship, and Zak also recommends The New York Times' 36 Questions.
Prioritize Your Relationship
However you choose to show your partner love, the important thing is that you prioritize them and show them that they're important to you.
"Work, hobbies and friends are important, but your relationship is another level of special, and you should treat it as such," Zak says. "With relationships, you get out as much as you put in. When you stop paying attention, you shortchange yourself, your partner, and your future together."
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Graphic via Claire Shadomy/B+C
