How To RSVP “No” Gracefully To Any Wedding Or Event
TBH, it doesn’t matter who you’re RSVPing "no" to — it’s awkward. It can be difficult to say no to an invite when your reason boils down to “I just don’t want to,” but not wanting to do something optional (and/or low-stakes) is reason enough to not do it. Your time, energy, and money is valuable — you don’t have to dish it out at every opportunity. Obviously, some events (like those hosted by close family or friends) are important to go to, no matter how much you may not want to.
However, for those invites from not-so-close friends for relatively unremarkable events, it's perfectly fine to decline. Even weddings, arguably the most lavish event someone may throw in their lifetime, are declinable. Whether it’s too expensive, too far away, or you just need a weekend off, there are plenty of respectful ways to RSVP “no.”
Here are all the tips you need to diplomatically decline, and not feel bad about it.
1. RSVP "no" early
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels
As soon as you receive an invitation, you probably have an idea of whether or not you can or want to attend. Decline ASAP so the host has an opportunity to invite someone else, get a refund on your seat, and plan accordingly. Plus, you don’t want to carry the burden of accepting and dreading the event for weeks. It’s way more emotionally draining, and confusing for the host.
If you do want to attend, but are unsure if you can, check your calendar and let the host know your circumstances. Perhaps your sister is expecting her first baby around the same time as your college roommate’s wedding. Reach out to your friend directly and let them know that you may be able to come, or would like to come, but it’s dependent on another important factor.
Chances are, the host will respect and appreciate your honesty. And remember: for big events like weddings, guests = money, so giving the hosts as much time as possible to make adjustments before their event is imperative.
2. You don't have to explain yourself
Photo by Getty/JLco - Julia Amaral
This is a bit contradictory to what we just said, but if it’s not an up-in-the-air type of situation, you can just say “no.” Plain and simple. Hosts don’t need a laundry list of reasons you can’t go, and you don’t need to share yours.
3. Declining is *actually* quite respectful
Photo by Dziana Hasanbekava/Pexels
Responding to someone, whether it’s an enthusiastic “yes” or a “no,” is way better than not responding at all – or worse, canceling at the last minute. It shows that you care enough about the person to give them an answer, and that your friendship allows for open communication. With anyone in your life, you should be allowed to ask for what you want, and what you need. If you can’t do this for yourself, do it for Future You.
4. Don't make up excuses
Photo by Eugene Chystiakov on UnsplashIt’s just a no-no. If you fabricate an excuse, it can lead to way worse (and certainly more awkward) situations. For example, if you say you can’t go deep sea fishing this Saturday (when it’s really about not wanting to fish), the person might ask you to go with them another time, evidently putting you on the hook (pun VERY intended) for future excursions.
Alternatively, if you opt for blowing them off and they find out, they’ll probably feel worse and assume your response was personal to them. Whether or not that’s true is besides the point.
Being a bit more honest always goes a long way. Oh, and BTW, refusing an invitation isn’t that deep! Truly. It’s literally fine.
5. How to say "no"
Photo by KoolShooters/Pexels
Saying no is all about what you say and how you say it. Aim for a warm, neutral and matter-of-fact tone paired with a short, candid response. Don’t beg for forgiveness (and TBH if you have to do this, they’re probably not a great friend in the first place), give them a vague reason as to why you can’t go, or get defensive if they have questions. Repeat after us: saying no is normal!
BTW – by declining an invite you have to allow others to do the same. So if someone declines an invitation to your birthday party (which we know will be totally amazing), it’s OK.
And just remember – any response is better than no response.
Stay updated on all things party etiquette with Brit + Co. This post has been updated.
