Try These Winter Journal Prompts For Improving Your Relationship

What do I need out of my relationship?

Start off with a misleadingly simple question: What do you need out of your relationship? This isn't the time to be vague. Get detailed about what makes you feel most loved, what makes you feel secure, and what makes you scared.

For example, we've been told over and over that jealousy is an unhealthy emotion, one that we should avoid at all costs. But being jealous is actually very natural. What kinds of qualities would a person have to have in order for you to enjoy the sweet spot between desirability (and occasional jealousy) and trustworthiness? Do you crave freedom to pursue your career and friendships untethered, or are you more of a homebody who wants a family-focused partner?

Be honest with yourself about what you need most, then consider whether or not you're getting what you need. If you're not, that doesn't have to be a deal-breaker; it just means it's time to have an honest conversation with your partner about how you can both get what you need out of the relationship.

And — spoiler alert — what you need out of relationships can change and evolve throughout your lifetime. It's also worth reflecting on how you've grown over the course of time and how your needs might be different now than they were when you and your partner first got together.

What is a major flaw my partner has? How it might feel for them to experience having that flaw?

It's very easy to blame your partner, accuse them of gaslighting when that term might not be appropriate, and generally feel as though they are the main source of any problems in your relationship. But cultivating empathy is crucial for successful relationships.

It's probably no surprise to you that your partner has flaws. If something continually bothers you, it might be worth thinking through how that flaw feels for them. For example, if you sometimes feel that your partner works too much or doesn't prioritize your relationship over their job, try to think through why this might be. Were they encouraged to pursue money or success above all else as children? Did they internalize the message from society that they are what they do, rather than who they are? Think through how it must feel to live with that burden.

None of this absolves your partner from doing their own inner work (we'll get to that in a minute), but having empathy for them and trying to understand where their flaws come from can help you build emotional intelligence and respect.

Is my partner doing their own inner work?

Unfortunately, sometimes we all fall into the trap of stagnation, and for some people, that stagnation can last the entirety of their lives. If you're reading this article, it's likely that you have a growth mindset and want to improve yourself and your relationships with others. Is your partner doing the same?

The point here isn't to blame your partner, but rather to recognize if you're doing all of the emotional labor in your relationship. Think through things like whether or not your partner moderates their emotions, considers new ideas, and pursues things that are challenging for them.

And remember, it's THEIR inner work that you're taking stock of here, not yours... if their version of inner work is going to the gym, while yours is taking a self-care night, those two methods of self-improvement are equally valid.

What is my love language? What is the other person's love language? How can I speak their language more often?

If you haven't given any thought to your love language, you should (this bookis the seminal text on the subject). Deciphering what makes you feel most loved (and what makes your partner feel most loved) can lead to revelations about how your partner may be showing you love without you recognizing it. Maybe your SO fails to get you cute gifts for Valentine's Day every year, but they give you a big, genuine hug before bed every night. Society may have led us to believe the former is what makes for a conscientious partner, but actually, both demonstrations of love are equally valuable — they're just different love languages.

Once you know your respective love languages, think through some ways you can show your partner love in their language so that they feel seen, appreciated, and understood by you. Communicate your language to your partner, too, so they have a fair shot at showing up for you.

Does my relationship leave me feeling energized or drained?

When you interact with our partner, do you end up feeling criticized, tired, depressed, or just plain blah? Or do they make you feel seen, optimistic, and excited to spend more time with them?

It can be hard to admit when someone you love just isn't making you happy anymore. Like many of the other prompts on this list, your answer to this question doesn't signify that you need to end your relationship — just that you have identified something you need to work on.

If you find, after reflection, that your relationship is draining you, revisit your answer to prompt no. 1. It's time to think through what you need out of your relationship and communicate that to your partner so you have a chance to salvage your connection to each other.