How A Money Date Can Help Unlock Financial Wellness For You & Your Partner

What is a money date?

A money date can take on many forms, but it should always align with where you are in life. If you're single — or choose to keep money separate in your relationship — then a money date can be carving out time for yourself to create a comfortable space and review your priorities, values, and overall financial goals and hopefully actually set a plan in motion to achieve those. If you're in a relationship with combined finances, a money date can also be a way for you and your significant other to come together to talk about money and what matters most to each of you in a way that makes you comfortable and makes finances more approachable. TBH, even a group of friends can also get together with the purpose of focusing on money and topics that can help each of you gain better insights and strategies into reducing financial stress and building financial wellness and wealth.

How do you plan a money date?

A good starting point is to simply just...begin. One step leads into the next and before you know it, you've built life-long healthy money habits. But what does "beginning" actually look like? If you have a S.O., it's important to quickly chat with each other and establish the importance of money dates. Let them know that you want to work together to build healthy conversations around your goals and values with an emphasis on money and how that plays into your financial success. If you want to create a group of friends to have more structured conversations together, then think of 5-7 people that you think would be interested in the topic, add value to the conversation, and benefit from the discussion. And yes, even if you decide you want to focus on your money individually, you still need to structure it just like you structure time for your workouts!

No matter who you have your money date with, my best advice is to keep it consistent and have some guidelines. Being consistent means that you plan accordingly and you do the work if you want to enjoy the benefits. Set a time for individual or couple conversations — once a week for an hour is reasonable. For a group, once a month is more realistic. It will be more productive if you have the conversation in a place where you don't get distracted and where you have privacy as money can be a sensitive topic. Over a cup of coffee on the deck or a glass of wine on the couch, whatever works best for you.

What should you talk about on a money date?

There are a number of topics you should cover during a money date, which is why I suggest scheduling yours for one hour a week, same day, same time, and same place. You're establishing a habit and this is the best way for you to be consistent and reach your goal of financial health and wellness. The topics will be broad and then there should be opportunities for you to dig further down. My favorite break the ice question to get things started? Ask someone what's important to them about money.

Starting with this question will bring down some barriers and take the focus off how much money you have (quantitative) to what is important to you (qualitative). There will be plenty of time to go over numbers, but the first money date should be focused on dreams, goals, and values.

It's also critical to avoid money shaming during your conversation. Think about your relationship with money. How did you grow up learning about money? Did your parents fight about it? Was it a taboo subject that nobody spoke about? Or was there a scarcity of money? Think about it — these memories we have about money and our first introduction to money can have a negative affect on us that we don't even realize until we start to ask these questions. By starting conversations with qualitative questions first, you will quickly find out what your differences are and what the pain points are and help you identify the areas that you will need to discuss and work through more carefully.

After that, the first step in any of the following topics is to gather the information. Bring all the details with you to the date. There will be time to dig in deeper, have discussions around it, and make a decision or two — although don't worry about solving it all in one date. The point here is to make process based on the information you have at hand. The areas that you should address include the following:

• Cash Flow: What's coming in (salary, income) and what's going out (expenses). There's no way around it — your expenses must be less than your income to be financially successful. Budgeting is usually the first place to start, but can also be the most difficult. It's okay to skip this one for now and come back to it if needed. Think of this as taking charge of your money one step at a time!
• Debt: Credit cards, car loans, mortgages, student loans... no matter what type you have, debt can be challenging and ultimately set you back years financially if you don't address it the right way. There's definitely a difference between good debt and bad debt, and knowing which one is which is important to help you understand the best way to tackle this.
• Retirement: It can be hard to think about retirement when you're in your earning or accumulation years. The key is to set up an automatic process where the money goes into your retirement accounts before it ever hits your bank account. You won't miss it if you don't see it.
• Insurance/Protection: There are many reasons to transfer risk away from you onto an insurance company. Start with the basics — life, auto, home, and consider your company's benefits here as well.
• Investing: The time value of money and compound interest are your best friends. Automating monthly deposits into your investment account is a great way to build wealth over time.
• Estate Planning: Nobody likes to think of this one, but it's important to address. Retirement accounts and insurance falls outside of the will so be sure to update your beneficiaries annually(who you want to get your money if something were to happen to you). You will need at least the three basic documents as well - will, (who gets your money, assets and personal items) power of attorney (who can make financial decisions for you if you are unable to do so) and health care proxy (who can make medical decisions on your behalf)
• Education: If you have kids and want to plan for the growing costs of college, 529s custodial accounts and other investments are available to help do so.
• Philanthropy: Are you charitably inclined? Do you have causes that are important to you? Did you know that there are other ways to donate other than writing a check? You can also donate stock (Most who donate stock will donate appreciated stock, or stock that has gone up in value).