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My best friend and I recently had a 3-hour conversation about navigating love in our 30s, coming to the conclusion that our prior breakups helped us become clearer about what we want in love. After we said our good-byes, I started thinking about questions worth asking yourself when you're single.
Unlike some people who tell you not to worry about love when you're not coupled up, I think it actually does help to have an idea about the kind of person and relationship that'll fit in your life when the time comes. I wish it wish it were this easy, but the perfect situation isn't going to fall into your lap — because it doesn't exist. Even now, I'm still learning about myself and my fiancé as we experience life together.
So are you single and trying to understand what you actually want out of your love life? Here are some questions you should ask yourself!
Here are the questions to ask yourself while you're in your single era!
1. Start with questions that focus on you
- Who do I think I am?
- What are my favorite qualities about myself?
- Do I have any habits I want to change?
- Would I date myself if I were a different person?
- How do I pour love into myself?
2. More questions to ask yourself about who you are
Other questions you can ask yourself can have something to do with your morals or boundaries. It's a way for you to understand areas of your life that you may not always think about everyday.
- What do I value in life?
- What kind of boundaries have I set (or need to put in place)?
- Do I spend a lot of time focused on other people?
- Do I have religious beliefs?
3. Think about if you want to be single or in a serious relationship
Once you have a better understanding of who you are, think about the kind of romantic love you'd like to have in your life. There's a chance you're not even interested in a serious monogamous relationship right now and that's okay. The point is to get clear about what you do want.
Start asking:
- Am I okay with being single or do I feel pressured to settle down?
- Do I care more about dating several people or choosing one person to romantically connect with?
- Is there a reason I wouldn't want a long-term relationship?
- Is it hard to be vulnerable whether I'm looking for something short-term or long-term?
4. Revisit past flings and relationships
Though tempting, this isn't a confirmation that you should call the ex you've been thinking about. Rather, take the time to revisit what you think did or didn't work.
- What brought me joy about prior flings or relationships?
- Was there mutual respect between myself and former romantic partners?
- Did I or former partners feel possessive of each other?
- Did I ever feel afraid for my safety in prior relationships?
5. Allow yourself to be curious about the kind of partner you're attracted to
I'm not asking you to 'listen and judge' yourself for who you're typically attracted to. We all have our reasons why certain people make our hearts race even if said people aren't the greatest for us in the long run. This is the time to be curious about who you're drawn to and why.
- Am I drawn to people's physical appearance first or their personality?
- What kind of qualities am I attracted to overall?
- Have I ever ignored red flags because I thought someone was attractive?
6. Think about the kind of long-term relationship you'd like to have
Ready for something serious? There's still some questions you should ask yourself before jumping into something new.
- Am I capable of trusting someone new?
- How do I want to feel in a new romantic relationship?
- What are my goals if I decide to pursue a long-term relationship?
- How would I like to handle potential disagreements in my new relationships?
- What are my dealbreakers?
These questions may seem like a lot, but it's a way to help you understand how you want your love like to look. Also, there's a possibility you could encounter scenarios that may not fit under these questions because life can be full of surprises. All that matters is you're able to have a better understanding of who you are and what you want in 2025.
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